13 Entertaining Tips to Make Hosting Easier
Are you hosting any get-togethers this fall? If you ever get in your head when planning parties, like I do, just take a deep breath, remember that people love to hang out with you, and read these entertaining tips from our past house tours. Here goes…
HOSTING IN SMALL SPACES:
1. Rearrange your furniture. “The key to hosting big parties is moving the furniture. Before people arrive, I move everything into the back room. My goal is to make the living/kitchen area feel like a giant dance floor.” — LaTonya Yvette
2. Serve buffet style. “I like setting out a buffet in the kitchen, where everyone can help themselves. Then I can avoid feeling at the end of the night like I didn’t get to have a real conversation with anyone!” — Maggie Pouncey
3. Or just skip dinner altogether. “I love having people over, but only two people fit around my table. So, I invite friends for drinks and apps and let them sprawl around my whole place. I figure it’s less about the food itself than bringing people together and having fun.” — Christina Bryant
EASY MEALS:
4. Consider roast chicken with a twist. “My tried-and-true, learned-from-my-mom recipe is Chicken Marbella. It’s a perfect sweet and salty chicken from the 1980s cookbook The Silver Palate. You marinate the chicken overnight in a combination of prunes and bay leaves and parsley and capers and green olives. It looks really beautiful, and I love serving it with rice and a big salad.” — Hopie Stockman Hill
5. And cumin-glazed salmon is easier than it sounds. “When friends come for dinner, I do a salmon with cumin brown sugar glaze, and sautéed spinach with golden raisins and pine nuts, which is always a hit. It’s not too complicated. I found the basic recipe years ago and have tweaked it to be my own. — Julia Leach
FUN THEMES:
6. Host a talent show. “My friend and I host an annual concert at my apartment. We invite people over; then we play guitar and sing six songs. Our preferred genre is murder ballads, like Caleb Meyer by Gillian Welch. We both have a dark sense of humor, and it’s not anything serious, just an excuse to hang out.” — Corrie Beth Hogg
7. Throw a tomato (or apple or pumpkin) party. “In the summer, I love anything with tomatoes. My friends have historically held an ‘annual tomato fest’ in August — it’s a dinner party where every recipe has tomatoes.” — Taylor Swaim
8. Organize a taste test. “Right now, India is making some of the best gins in the world; I bring back four bottles every time I go. A fun party trick is pulling them all out and doing a taste test with friends. My favorite is Pumori — it’s very cardamon forward.” — Sana Javeri Kadri
OVERNIGHT GUEST TIPS:
9. Sleep in the guest room. “I wanted our guest room to be the perfect spot, so I slept in there myself to try it out. I also feel like people have a bad habit of putting things that they don’t want to see all the time into guest rooms. I flipped that on its head and fill the room with things we really love.” — Justin Reis
10. Fill the fridge. “We keep the fridge stocked with milk, beer, and champagne because we have people stay all the time and want things to be as self-serve and efficient as possible. Whatever is in the fridge is free game.” — Heather Ross
SETTING A RELAXED VIBE:
11. Have an open-door policy. “Once a week, we invite our friends over for dinner. Most times, they will let themselves in before we get home, so by the time we show up, families are already playing and eating popsicles outside. It feels so good.” — Hannah Haehn
12. Stock up on crowd-pleasing drinks. “I try to anticipate what drinks people will want. At an arm’s reach, my brother-in-law can grab a Pellegrino, because he crushes a bunch every night. My friend Annie loves Coors Light, and I never bought them before but now I’m buying them all the time. My husband is always laughing because I keep stocking way up on her favorite drink. But it’s all about making people feel welcome and thought of.” — Heather Taylor
13. Talk to everyone. “Last Christmas, I taught the boys how to mingle, a parenting experience that still makes me laugh. Before our adult friends came over, I told the boys that people would naturally separate into small groups (‘How do you already KNOW that?’ said Toby, wide-eyed), and at the start of the party, the role of the host is to float between groups and chat for a few minutes at each one. The boys excitedly accepted the challenge and spent a half hour rotating between clusters. ‘Okay, gotta go!’ Toby told some friends, at one point. ‘My five minutes are up!’” — Joanna Goddard
How about you? Do you have entertaining tips you always fall back on?
P.S. A menu that works for almost everyone, and are you a party host or enthusiastic guest?
(Heather Taylor’s home photographed by Nicki Sebastian. LaTonya Yvette’s home photographed by Julia Robbs. Emma Straub’s home photographed by Alpha Smoot, styling by Oliver Cano. Justin Reis’ home photographed by Alpha Smoot, styling by Cecilia Elguero. Hannah Haehn’s home photographed by Leela Cyd.)
Tags: entertaining tips
Comments
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My trick is to convince a friend who has a larger home with a yard to host! Works every time ;)
Ooh chicken Marbella (of course the silver pallete version) has been a standby for our fam since the 80s. So yum and just a little bit fancy. Makes your house smell amazing and leftovers are even better.
Mood over food. Always
I’m embarrassed by the main reason I don’t have people over- my sweet dog. She’s a perfect angel at home in her element, but if someone walks in the door she transforms into a nut. Barks, jumps (and she’s no small girl)- my little covid girlie is just flooded with ALL the feels. I know the only way out is through- we need to have more people over, and she always settles in after a short while, but that short while is agony to me. I’m self conscious, making excuses, tripping over her trying to get her to settle and not be a bother- but I probably make guests more uncomfortable than the dog. I am desperate to build community and really want to get over this- I welcome anyone’s tips or experience!
As a dog lover I would be fine with this. I have a now-settled tigger of a dog and when she was a pup I would greet my guests on the porch, say what we were working on and give them their roles “i need you to walk through, ignore her, and when she is settled you can interract”, I also gave them commands “please say OFF sharply to her if she jumps near you”. There are a subset of people who would rather meet out, but often, people just want to help.
Hello – your comment made me think of my high school best friend and her dog, who was SO extra the minute someone came into their house. I miss her (the friend and the dog.) Invite your kindest dog loving pal over. I’m in Melbourne, otherwise I’d invite myself round. Good luck – I think it’s practice! You could also invite a friend for a few walks before they come into your home. That way, your dog knows their scent. Ask a friend for an old T-shirt of theirs too to introduce the scent to your sweet dog a bit before they come over. Obviously ask good friends for their unwashed T-shirts – not new acquaintances lol. Will be thinking of you!!
Our dog is a sweet angel (she came that way!), but when new people come over, i always put her away to make sure they’re comfy first. Some of our friends have to crate their dog because she just gets TOO EXCITED when people are over. It’s also okay to leave your dog in a different room during the party!
I went to a friend’s house where the dog trainer had told her to keep her dog on the leash when a person comes over. And don’t take the leash off until the dog is settled down. You could try that!
I appreciate this question so much, Andrea! I am allergic to dogs (as is my youngest child) and my husband was once bitten by a dog we thought was friendly. All to say… as much as the world is always like “yay dogs!” we are not those people. But we’re kind and we’re fun at parties and we’ve found out we’re not the only ones who have a hard time with wild dog behavior, which has made me feel like less of a witch when I am visibly uncomfortable and annoyed when a friend’s badly behaved dog is allowed to go to town. I second the commenter to put your dog in a spare room or crate during parties. I know we all love our furry friends, AND you are allowed to build community in your own home without feeling held hostage by your dog. I have no tips or strategies for ya – just a firmly held belief that you should enjoy your home and friends and your dog doesn’t have to be part of that if it’s too hard!
Honestly, we have the same exact problem. Our dog is sweet and adorable and also an anxious nut (also a covid puppy, probably not a coincidence). I’m not comfortable with her making other people uncomfortable in our house! So when we’re having people over that she doesn’t know or isn’t comfortable with, I take her to a dog sitter or to my parents house to “baby sit”. Some people may think that’s weird, but I think it’s important that everything feel comfortable in our home, and a wildly barking dog is not part of that experience. And she’s happier being in a calm space without the stress too!
It took me a long time to figure out what works for us…. I value friendships and belonging but cooking for people other than my family is really stressful… so we landed on game nights. Usually last minute or a day or 2 ahead. Then no one expects your house to be perfect. We text friends until we find someone who can come. It’s been delightful. We’ve done adults only, invited the teens too or sometimes we set up a couple tables for different ages and interests. Our favorites are quixx and code names
I love these ideas! It’s not possible for us to have people over at the moment so with some close friends I’ve been inviting myself over to theirs! Short catch ups have been SO great. A drink in their courtyard, I’ll take over cake or we crack open a bag of chips. Eventually I’d like to have people over to ours but not always possible. Be bold sometimes and ask.
Just curious if you’re British? Your phrasing sounds so British :).
We used to have a once-monthly open house pasta night on a Friday. I’d cook a couple pounds of pasta and toss it with oil in a big bowl. Then offered red sauce, ragu, or pesto, and some easy vegetables plus bread. People brought something or didn’t, stayed however long they wanted, and it wasn’t expensive. We moved away from there years ago, but I loved it. It took a little strong-arming to get it going, but once it did, it was great.
My wife and I both have very full schedules with work, kids, etc., and hosting people for meals feels often more overwhelming than pleasurable in this season of our life. However, we do have a hot tub – and so we introduced the community hot tub! We invite our friends to text us when they want to use it, and give basic rules (letting us know in advance if they want private time or can we join, adding half a cap of chlorine when they’re done, byo towels) and they just come over and do! At least once a week, we get relaxed time with dear friends, hanging out, with no extra work for us. It also makes me feel a lot better about the water and electricity usage of something as indulgent as a hot tub. Highly recommend us all starting to evaluate what personal resources can become community ones, as that will also be a crucial step in collaboratively being resilient in a time of climate and social upheaval.
What a cool idea!
I love this!
I don’t have a ton of friends here but we’re trying to have people over a bit more often for dinner. My one tip is to not care too much about the mess and chaos of your home. I have a six and three year old and I’m not spending hours cleaning just to have a couple of people over for dinner. I just have to trust that no one will care too much that there are toys on the floor when they’re getting a nice dinner. We’re having a hot chocolate and mulled wine party this December, largely inspired by the absurd number of Christmas mugs I have. We haven’t had an actual party in about four years and I’m really looking forward to it!
That’s so cool about the Christmas mug inspired party ! That is so great. I love that whole sentence.
When in doubt just listen to Ina; Serve simple delicious food made from good ingredients and make it ahead of time. The point is spend time with people you care about. People are just happy to be invited!
I love to host, there are so many ways to do it. Pre pandemic my bestie and I would host a holiday party and go all out. We would plan a menu and make everything from scratch. Party favors for everyone. I never pay attention to curating a guest list just go for it. I swear that at every gathering, at least one person will say ” your friends are so nice!” and I would reply ” Well, you are one of them” :). I’ve done sit-down and buffet. The theme can be simple, folks love “low brow’ simple food. Once I baked my own hot dogs buns and hosted a hot dog party. Everyone loved it. I bought, different meat and veggie dogs, made homemade potato salad and coleslaw. All the condiments, including sauerkraut. It was so fun and easy served buffet style.We had freshly baked cookies for dessert. I also host a Valentine dinner every year; for fun while we were having dessert I gave an everyone a question from the Proust questionnaire. Some people had just met for the first time so I was careful not to go too deep. “What would your last meal be”, ” What’s your perfect day?” are a good place to start. It led to some great conversations.
You are an expert and I love you. Keep on keepin’ on!
question for everyone here: I used to host A TON but very rarely got invited back. it got to a point where I was overfunctioning in 100% of my relationships. now I have a tiny handful of friendships that are balanced, but I don’t host, and I still don’t really get invited out much. I would love to host more but also get invited back even if it’s just for a quick coffee. how do I do this? Is it just trial and error?
I read this just yesterday and found it really interesting: https://substack.com/home/post/p-217589543 I hear the imbalance you feel but perhaps there’s something for all of us in this idea that people in general are hosting drastically less now “The share of Americans who say they host friends or family at their home at least monthly has fallen from 42 percent in 1975 to 12 percent in 2026—a 70 percent collapse in a half-century.” I host some, and am always striving to do so more often. I’m rarely hosted, except by my family, it definitely feels like something that is slipping away in the modern era we’re in.
@kelsy thank you so much for sharing! Fascinating article. I definitely feel like this a lot, we host but are rarely hosted. I’m going to keep at it and just be okay with being rarely hosted. I do find it sort of hilarious that the way we are hosted is small children’s birthday parties! I wonder if by the time my kids are old enough for drop off birthday parties no one will ever invite us over again! We hosted a family for dinner who we didn’t know super well and I remembered afterwards thinking that maybe that it was too forward of me and maybe I should have been so bold as to invite them. Yet they are neighbors who I had hung out with at least 5 times. This article validates the feeling that the bar to initiate socializing is very high due to the relative difficulty of socializing and the ease of other forms of leisure activities.
As long as my friendships feel balanced overall I am fine with being the host. I actually like hosting better because I know I make it fit my medical needs. Different friends have different strengths that they naturally settle into and I love that… For instance, I’m not a natural connector but wherever I’ve been living, I’ve always had a friend who filled that role in my social circle- someone who seems to know everybody and loves connecting her friends and acquaintances with each other. I’m happy to be the low-key host!
I’m learning that people genuinely don’t know how to host. I started a supper club at our church to help people practice because honestly, most people crave it, but don’t know how to actually *do it*. Sometimes, i try to nudge people that I think would do a good job, so maybe you can be honest with those friends & say, “hey, it’s actually really hard for me because I’m not ever invited back.” & see how they respond :$
my step mom always complained about this, my dad’s dinner parties were legend! I honestly think people were intimidated which was totally on them. My dad was humble and would have been happy to be asked. They were, but not very often. My dad loved doing it so for him it was fine. I’m sure my stepmom got tired of being on dish duty. These days, my bestie and I do, but not too many in our circle. I’ve gotten some great hostess gifts, but it would be nice to be asked out for a drink or something. I still love it and I am good at it.
I’d love to hear how the open-door policy lands with others. To each her own, of course. But, personally, I shudder at the idea of an open-door policy. A casual friend in the neighborhood stopped by unannounced once, and I was like, we have to move 😂 My partner and I talk frequently about wanting to have a “moat” around our house/family, and I really find comfort in that visual. I want there to be a little layer of protection around us, and for people to only come through that when we invite them. I like to think of my home as my sanctuary (or haven, as Joanna has so nicely put it!), and the idea that someone might unexpectedly come into it at any time feels in opposition to the idea of a sanctuary, to me. I will say, I think I’ve become more private as I’ve aged. I’ve been divorced and am building a stepfamily now, and all of that has contributed to my desire for privacy. But it’s a feeling I’ve always had. I’m curious if I’m alone in this?
We’ve actually written a post about this! All the comments are great :) https://cupofjo.com/2023/10/12/do-or-dont-randomly-stopping-by-friends-houses/
Yeah, that comment about other people already in your house when you get home made me shudder… I guess we all have different ideas of what feels like home!
I understand this desire – it’s how I was raised – but I think there’s a lot of sacrifice involved in keeping everyone at arms length like this. To this day, I don’t have many close friends and struggle to get close to people. My husband, in contrast, grew up in the neighborhood party house with friends over all the time, and is still close with his groups from both high school and college. I see how rewarding those relationships are for him, and I want that for my son, not the isolation I had (and continue to experience). So for me it’s worth it to sacrifice a little privacy.
Its an ongoing struggle for me. I really want to build community and have been working on it for years. I love the idea of being the place where people feel comfortable dropping by but in reality there are times when there’s an unexpected knock at the door and I don’t open it. After finding myself getting so worked up at the prospect of everything needing to be perfect to have someone over (which is absurd, something is always amiss), I was inspired by reading about a couple who decided to host people for dinner every weekend they were home. That is entirely too much for me, but I decided that a minimum of monthly is realistic. And I have to say, I’ve surpassed that goal! Its never more than 6 people, sometimes it is dinner, others just a drink/snack in the back yard. I do try to clean up but don’t make myself crazy. I’ve definitely gotten much more comfortable. Yes – I still get the jitters and no, I don’t need to fill the silence with meaningless chit chat. But I do want people to feel welcomed and leave with a desire to return.
I am an introvert with 4 kids. So sometimes the chaos is a lot. But we also have a tight group of friends who do sometimes just drop by and I LOVE it. I want people to be that constable and feel belonging around me and my home. I think the key is to be constable being your self. If you are tired be able to say, I love you so much I’m going to go chill in my room, or today’s not great but come by tomorrow and make sure you follow up. I’m always the first to leave places and the fact that my friends know this about me just makes me feel more seen and loved. That said we’ve definitely had our “circle the wagons” years as we called them at the time due to illness and big life changes❤️
I understand Becca. I love people and I have many dear friends and am close to my family, but I am not comfortable with the pop in. I have a demanding job that requires me to be in front of and around people all of the time. I am an introvert and I need downtime (that I don’t often get). I want to lounge in old sweats and relax without worrying about someone suddenly showing up. That actually sounds dreadful to me. So all of my get togethers are planned in advance. I have had very Few pop ins over the years and I can honestly Say I felt dreadfully uncomfortable and the house was quite messy! I love people but I love relaxing just with my immediate family. The idea of having an open door policy is so lovely, but I have accepted that I need to be true to myself. The thought of shiny straight hair is wonderful, but I was happiest once I embraced my natural curl. One has to accept themselves to find satisfaction in life, I think.
Becca I feel this way too. Your sentence about having to move when a random neighbor stopped by made me chuckle and I totally get it. The moat,a sanctuary, a haven. Yes. We had 2 door knocks here in one week recently. One was 2 teen boys selling football town value cards. That was kind of cute and quaint ( after I got over the shock ) and I bought one. The other was a random guy asking my husband if he wanted to sell his truck sitting outside. Funny ! I said to my family it’s kind of neat people still come to the door… In theory ! :) I had a very close group of friends back East but we never stopped at ea others’ houses spontaneously. When I was growing up, that’s another story. All 5 of us girls in our neighborhood shared each other’s houses like they were our own.
Last fall I hosted a dinner with a Battle of the Apples taste test. We had a sweet 16-style bracket sheet for each person to fill out with a funny little picture for each of the 16 types of apples, like a pic from Grease for Pink Lady. Spoiler alert: LucyGlo, which is crisp, sweet tart, and has the most beautiful bright pink flesh, beat out Ludacrisp, Hunnyz, and SweeTango. 🍎
We do a lot of entertaining during the summer since we can do everything outside and not worry about crumbs, seating, breakage, spills, whatever. We let the kids loose with the playscape or the basketball hoop, set up a cooler with canned drinks, put out bowls and platters of nibbles and call it fun. When the air starts cooling down and we know we’ll be stuck inside for the winter, we have one final “Good-Bye To Summer” bash. We figure one last hurrah before large group entertaining stops for the cold weather. It’s become an annual event and everyone and anyone is invited! We do a potluck, put out all the yard games, and enjoy the chaos! If it gets rained out (this was the first year that happened), welp, we made the attempt so we’ll see you next spring! Then we hunker down for the winter and only have the occasional couple or small family over until the weather warms up and it all begins again!
I like to cook a bit while we’re all sitting/standing around the kitchen island snacking and catching up. It makes it more casual and less like a “being served” meal and it means I can cook things that are best when served fresh/immediately–the key there is making something I’m comfortable with so that I’m not constantly checking the recipe or anxious about last minute details. My formula is usually main dish in the oven/grill and sides/salad right before the meal–and dessert made earlier that day. Then I can participate in hanging out *and* be actively working on a delicious meal.
My house growing up was always the “hang out” house for me and my friends. My mom recently hosted the pre-gathering for my 20 year high school reunion and my friends (plus their husbands and kids) were so happy to be back hanging out at our house and eating my mom’s snacks. I want my kids to feel the same way about our house—that their friends are always welcome. My kids are still little but I host all the time (and love it!). We lived very far from family and friends the first four years of my kids’ lives and recently moved back to our hometown. In both scenarios I decided that if I wanted to know my neighbors and build community for me and my kids, it started with me. My biggest tip: get a bounce house. We set up the bounce house in the yard ALL THE TIME. Sometimes we make plans in advance, other times I just send a quick text to neighbors letting them know my kids are outside on the bounce house if they want to swing by for a glass of wine. The kids have a blast. The adults can chat. You don’t have to worry about cleaning up inside too much because everyone is outside. My other tip is just to do it—invite everyone over even if the house isn’t perfectly clean and the dining room still has no furniture. People want to get together. They don’t need a Pinterest perfect party. Our most fun parties have been the very low stress, last minute ones where I tell them everyone to come as they are, only bring something if they want, and order pizza. Final tip—just embrace the chaos. Someone will spill. The toys will be in every room. The toilet will get clogged. Your response should be “Don’t worry about it!” No one can relax if the host is stressed. Happy hosting!
I recently hosted a girls’ night with a bunch of women whom I knew, but didn’t know each other. So I had everyone send me their favorite pic of themselves and the answer to the following 3 questions: 1. What could you talk about for hours; 2. Where is your favorite place that you’ve traveled?; and 3. What are you religious about other than religion? Then I made a slideshow that ran all night on my TV with a slide for each gal: pic, name, and “Ask me about…” with the answers to their three questions. It was such a good conversation starter! Everyone immediately had things to talk about and bond over. We started a group chat afterward with all the new friends and called it “Show Notes,” where everyone could put their follow-ups in the chat (book they talked about, recipe they shared, video of their ballroom dance routine, etc.). It was the most magical night ever.
This is such a good idea Ashley!
To Joanna’s point – I taught my kids when they were little to say an enthusiastic hi & welcome, offer to take coats, & use FORD when they got nervous and didn’t know what to say to create conversation with guests. (Family, occupation, recreation, dreams.) My six year old with his missing front teeth sidling up and sitting on the arm of the couch with a “So how is your family?” to someone he just met was everything. (I didn’t make up the acronym, but they felt like they were learning how to be grown up and it helps all around with getting stuck in the moment. As they got older we did decide we like “what have you enjoyed a lot lately?” or “what are you looking forward to?” better, but as one of my besties used to say: kids know literally nothing until we show them, and it helped me, too!)
I was just reading this article about how no one in the USA is hosting anymore: https://www.derekthompson.org/p/the-death-of-the-american-host So thank you Jo for encouraging us to gather!
Yes! I read this article Meghan, and it really resonated with me! I love to host and have folks over regularly, but I find that in my larger friend group there are only a few of us who do. I want to be a guest more! Invite me to your house! I don’t care if the bathroom is messy or we are just eating chips and salsa- I want to connect and it’s a lot less expensive than going out.
I’m five weeks postpartum and I’ve realized how much I need loved ones around in this season, but hosting feels like too much. I’ve resorted to inviting friends over for a byod (dinner) picnic in the backyard. Less pressure for the house to feel clean and less pressure to cook a big meal, plus fresh air. A win win!
joanna if you sold an e-book called “how to gather from brooklyn to cornwall” we’d all buy it !!!!!!
hahaha Malena that’s such a fun idea!
I’m so glad you found a way to host that feels good to you postpartum. I was definitely nesting for the first four months, but it did get isolating and looking back I probably could’ve handled ordering some pizza or sliding in a few frozen pizzas into the oven. Over the years of motherhood, I have gotten much better at letting go of how the house looks. If the bathroom is reasonably clean than anything goes in the rest of the house.
So funny about the tomato fest. In Nashville we have an official annual Tomato Fest in August. It used to be a little neighborhood event in East Nashville, but now it draws thousands of people. The tomato—a uniter and not a divider!
This is totally tangential BUT last weekend I bought a bunch of beautiful dry farmed tomatoes for a dinner I was making (giant platter of nicoise salad with salmon instead of tuna – easy, delicious and a total crowd pleaser and showstopper btw). Anyways – I had the tomatoes in a bag on the floor of the car – don’t know what I was thinking. They rolled around everywhere. Days later – we still keep finding tomatoes in the car! Makes me laugh every time!
I like inviting friends over for dessert because it is so much easier than dinner but just as fun!
This is genius and I am going to do this.
I did this for a big party and it was a lot of fun. Mostly cookies and bars so there was no fussing with forks and cutting things up. We served champagne and some NA sparklers. I did the baking because I enjoy it but that is certainly not necessary. Loved it because I really got to enjoy the party and talk to my guests. And everyone loves dessert!
Question about mingling. I’ve been going to lots of events lately where I might know one person. I want to mingle, but I feel weird going up to a group of people I’ve never met and interrupting to introduce myself. Other than looking for fellow stragglers, how do you…talk to people at things like this if you don’t already know them?
Hi! I literally just go up and say “Hi! Do you mind if I join you guys?” It’s still not easy but most people are so gracious and happy to include someone with the guts to make the move. I feel the same when someone I don’t know comes up to me and my group. I also keep two mantras in mind: “Just go first” and “Assume rapport.” Really helps.
Hi Olivia! Mingling is a part of my job :D The easiest way to mingle is when people are waiting for something, like a line at a bar. Turning around and starting a conversation with the person behind you is very low stakes. At a party recently, I was on the patio for a bit of quiet, and then ended up talking to all the smokers – also very low stakes! Volunteering for a job is another great party trick – washing dishes with someone is always a bonding exercise :D Although scary at first, if you find small circles of people, you can just join it! If you just know the host, an easy question is “so how do you know…” I promise you can do it!
Treat new people like you would any other unexplored thing (like a place, book, food, etc.), as something to find out about and experience. Dive in and give it a go!
I have this problem! A friend who studied theater told me she “acts” like whatever she’s trying to be. So in these situations where I’m a straggler coming up to a group, I tell myself to “act” like an outgoing person who knows how to mingle. I will introduce myself and usually start with complimenting someone on something (“nice shoes!” “I love your hair!”). People usually love to tell you something about themselves, so I try to ask lots of questions. Have some generic questions ready – “Any plans for Halloween?” “Go anywhere cool this summer?” It works!
I mingle for work multiple times a month. It used to be intimidating but I now find it fun. A question compliment to a total stranger is an easy in and lends itself to a positive start. A story you overheard (did I hear you went to the Australian Outback? That sounds incredible. How did you decide to travel there?), a dish they’ve brought (This dip is out of this world. Where did you get the recipe?), etc. The trick is not to ask yes/no questions and to stay curious.
A Cup of Jo post years ago has stuck with me. The person said: “All you have to be is curious and kind”. It’s really helped me to get out of my head about this kind of thing. It feels easier to approach a group feeling focused on curiosity than feeling focused on discomfort, you know? I’ve taken this same approach to more formal situations, like job interviews, too. I find I do a lot better if I think of them as a fellow person at the food table at some event like that, where my goal is just to say hello and be curious about them as people. https://cupofjo.com/2018/12/05/social-anxiety-advice/
I think a good idea is to say to the original person you know, “I’m going to get a drink” or “I’m going to run to the bathroom.” Then when you get to the bathroom if another person is waiting outside, make some type of small talk: “Ugh I wish it would cool down already! It’s October!” or “It’s so nice to have a night out without my kids!” Once they start to chat, introduce yourself and ask how they know the host. You can do this a few times in different scenarios: while waiting in line for a drink or getting a drink, waiting for the bathroom, sitting outside by a bonfire, etc. You can also use the situation at hand to make conversation, “Do you know how to make an aperol spritz? I love them but I have never actually made one.” or (if it’s another woman) “I swear ever since going through periomenopause, I cannot go an hour without having to pee!” or “It’s so lovely out. I wish I had a backyard like this. Where do you live?” Ask the other person questions. People like to talk about themselves! And be confident that if they aren’t friendly back, that’s really about them and not you. WHo cares? They’re some random person who may be having a bad day, is really awkward, etc. It’s actually a fun challenge to just chat with people and get to know them for that moment even if you never see them again! Good luck!
One of my favorite memories was teaching my nine-year-old stepdaughter how to mingle at parties. I said, be sure to ask guests questions about themselves, so she walks up to a couple and calmly says “do you suck blood?” She was really into vampires. They still laugh about it to this day.
Hilarious Karina! I’m gonna bet this one makes into the COJ weekend post:)
Hahaha fantastic 😍
Oh my god!! 😂 Hilarious!
Help! Is there any way to find out what brand those beautiful book shelves above the (6.) are? Or to find smiliar ones? Thank you so much, I love them and I am looking for this kind of bookshelf right now for our new home. But I live in Germany – this makes shopping by brand a little hard with American brands – but maybe anyone has an idea of a smiliar style? TYLKO has an awefully huge marketing campaign so it’s almost the only book shelf brand shown to me online – and I dont love them for many reasons. But once marketing hits, I have the feeling no other brands are recommended in my google or AI (even more awful!) search..
The foto is from Emma Straub’s house tour (https://cupofjo.com/2022/05/17/emma-straub-house-tour-brooklyn/). There she says that they had the shelves made. You can see them here: https://www.riftcabinetry.com/oak-and-steel-libraries .
Take a screenshot and use google image search!
You teaching your boys to mingle is such a GREAT move! Some of us don’t learn that until we are, uhm…older. Way older. That will really help them get along in life, truly! And being so upfront about their “job” as hosts, “Gotta go! My time is up!”, is HILARIOUS, and bound to put people at east. Not being afraid to do those things is a HUGE social skill! Everyone should have those lessons. Brilliant! (also, as far as toys, when my girl was small and had lots of playdates, at the end of the day I would often use a toy plastic garden rake and shovel to scoop them up and dump them into the soft bins we used. No sorting, no matching, no worrying about parts, just DUMP. And live another day!
Hearty one dish meals. Curry, chicken pot pie, roasted chickpeas, lasagne. No sides, sorry! Easiest way I’ve found to serve a crowd!
We’ve got like four dinners that we regularly make when people come for dinner (roast chicken, lasagna, steak and ale pie, or pizza). We might mix it up occasionally but I like sticking with things we know and cook well.
I read the title TWICE as entertaining aka hilarious tips for hosting. The last one did make me giggle haha
We host frequently, and I truly think it’s just a practice-makes-perfect situation. When I started, everything was very styled out, fussy food, lots of dishes. Now I tend to go for a sheet pan meal or instant pot +rice cooker dish with fresh toppings. I limit the number of homemade elements but make sure the high value elements are homemade (the dressing, the bread, etc.) and the drink drawer is stuffed. I have found that nostalgia done well really pays off—really good chicken noodle soup, for example. Agreed on asking people to bring something small (usually dessert, drinks, or a salad element). My toddler takes drink orders—we coach her on hospitality as a way we show love to our friends. My husband does the dishes. We ask big open questions and make sure to invite everyone to the comfy chairs for dessert.
Great advice! I always have trouble getting people into our living room which is across the entry way from the kitchen/dining room (I’m talking just a few steps – not a McMansion). I always clean the living room and NEVER end up using it. I should try the dessert move.
Any tips to stop people congregating in the kitchen? For my Christmas drinks party last year, I had all the food, decor and the tree (!!) in the living room, but everyone kept just standing in the crummy old kitchen :'(
We host a lot, and I can honestly say that we’ve had several big parties where almost no one entered the living room. My advice is to embrace the inevitability of a kitchen party and make the kitchen as festive or comfortable as possible. Nice soft lighting (some candles always help), music playing and snacks.
People love a kitchen! You can say something like, “why don’t we move into the living room where all of the food is?” If people start in the kitchen for drinks, maybe move the drinks to the living room also.
My dad knew this and custom built his kitchen to be open, but with a counter to give a bit of a “barrier” so it wouldn’t be too crowded. My apartment has a galley kitchen, so not too many people fit. Lucky me!
Maybe set up a bar cart in the living room?
At our latest get-together we set out the button maker on the coffee table. It was a hit among toddlers to grown-ups. Everyone hung out in the living room and it was a conversation starter too.
The house tours are my favorite! What a fun way to have a bunch of them in one post!
It’s funny when you wrote throw a tomato party, I thought you meant a party where people can throw tomatoes at each other. When I was in high school, one of my friends had a family tradition where they would have a tomato fight every year on her little brother’s late summer birthday. They got literally buckets and buckets of tomatoes and we all threw them on each other, both on land and on small boats in the river that ran behind their house. I thought they were the only ones! And after correctly understanding the tomato party suggestion upon a reread, I once again think they are the only ones to do that.
I want to go to the murder ballad party! Sounds amazing.
I agree with Heather Taylor – we know preferred spirits or cocktails or non-alcoholic libations for all our friends. Knowing what people drink and having it on hand is huge.
When people ask if they can bring something, take them up on their offer! Also, what you serve for a dinner party doesn’t have to be fussy and it doesn’t necessarily have to be homemade. The point of the dinner party is to gather community together, its not so much about the food. If hosting overnight guests, invest in a nice mattress and pillows if you are able! I also like to leave a few little snacks in my guest room and a carafe of water.
My new ‘thing’ is to ask people to bring beverages – I live in the city and take the bus everywhere so carrying drinks from the store isn’t easy, plus these days most people I know aren’t drinking alcohol so I don’t always know what they like. It works pretty well and then I don’t have too many unneeded desserts or nibbles left over.
Rachel, just a note to say hi from a fellow city bus commuter!
Absolutely let people contribute! I am blessed with having wonderful friends who always offer to bring whatever I need. It’s a great a way to help the host, even if its just a bag of ice. Likewise if I’m doing a pot luck assign dishes. My dear friend sometimes hosts a a Friendsgiving. She doesn’t cook much so this is helpful. What you don’t want 6 versions of someone’s mash potatoes , no other side dishes and everyone needing oven space. I finally suggested she assigned dishes so we would have balanced meal and people wouldn’t be upset about no one eating their specialty. it’s not rude, it’s helpful to everyone.
I’m working on redefining my hosting game with little kids. In particular how to stay close to friends not in the park/kid/play date circle. We used to have people over for dinner/drinks a lot, but that puts all the prep in our most chaotic time of the day. I’ve tried a few different things, but so far the most successful has been movie afternoons. After lunchtime; I make a bunch of treats and my son gets to pick the movie (most recently lion king) the adults can chat and watch, and it provides an easy food option and way to hang with kid and non kid people.
Our fave when the kids were little were BREAKFAST PARTIES! We’d even encourage folx to wear their pjs! It’s easy – pancakes are interactive and delicious – and you’re already awake! Coffee in bunches and mugs all around.
second breakfast/brunch parties. When my son was younger, we would regularly have friends over for breakfast and brunch. Very low key and everyone gets to be home in time for afternoon naps if that is the stage of life you are in.
This is brilliant!
This is so timely! I’m hosting my Third Annual Tomato Party tonight! My hosting trick? Text 1-2 key guests to check availability, THEN send out the invite message to everyone else. You know you’ll have your ride-or-dies, but you don’t have to play “how about a Thursday 2 months from now?’
I love this tip, and I want a blog post on this tomato party! I wanna come next year! :)
Yes I love this and only recently discovered this!
Our friend group has switched to take out dinners lately. We take turns hosting and each couple brings a couple of take out dishes from locally owned restaurants. No more spending the day cooking/cleaning and supporting small businesses at the same time!
Appreciate these tips so much!
My tip: be 95% done with cooking when people arrive! Have something in the slow cooker or oven, and maybe have some garnishes left to cut up. Inevitably some dish will be running behind, or you got something on your shirt, or a guest needs a bowl for their chips, or two people who don’t know each other arrive first – plan ahead to be done with cooking and ready to party.
Always; Its your party and you should enjoy yourself too!
Going to or hosting a party is literally my worst nightmare. Fellow introverts please back me up! Literally the ONLY exception is if there is a puppy also attending. The best party I ever went to in my 20s was the one in which someone had just adopted a puppy and didn’t want to leave it alone. I spent hours in a dark corner of an empty room with that puppy sleeping on my lap and therefore avoided all small talk. So my tip is that if you feel you must include the introverts on your guest list, please also give them an escape route!
I can relate. I’m always the one at a party either offering to take photos or in the corner petting the host’s dog.
I can relate. Actually, the thing I hate the most is being an overnight guest or having overnight guests. But, going to or hosting a party is a close second. I saw this post and was like, “Nope, this one is not for me.”
It depends on the party? I’m an introvert, and while going to a 50 person bash doesn’t sound like my idea of a good time, doing a bonfire or Friendsgiving or craft night at friends’ with a small mix of people I already know and people I don’t know yet is fine. Plus, I like to bake and I like to feed people, so 90% of the “parties” I throw are some version of ‘come eat the thing I made and hang out,’ and that’s fine too. If you really hate hosting or socializing with more than one person, you do you, but there are plenty of ways to make entertaining feel more doable and a lot less intimidating even if you are introverted.
Haha, I think there are different types of introverts, though. There’s the type who doesn’t want to go to a large gathering at all (no shade! this is a valid way of existing), and the type that enjoys it but needs a lot of alone time afterwards to reset. I’m the latter! I’m a very social introvert, meaning I love to go to parties and chat people up (even strangers!), and then when I go home I crash hard and need to not talk to anyone, even my husband, for at least a day.
Yes! And #11 would give me anxiety, if I came home and saw friends, just sitting in my house. But I also have a really big family, so I feel like with a big Pakistani family. We don’t have enough time for friends. Because we’re so maxed out with the family already!
I always offer to wash the dishes at these sorts of things. It helps the host out and it’s an acceptable solo activity.
Fellow introvert here…. hosting doesn’t have to mean multiple people in your house all at once! For me, it’s just one other person, the tea kettle, and comfy chairs. I usually back the hangout up against something non-negotiable, like an appointment, so I have a hard out even as the hostess. “So sorry to cut this short, but I do have to be at the chiropractor at X time….” If I do find myself at a large gathering, my self-appointed role is ‘opener of chip bags and uncoverer of seran-wrapped trays’ because, once it’s snack time, it’s super important that all of the available food gets uncovered! Otherwise people just won’t eat, and everything gets taken back home again. (This only applies to byo kind of situations, of course…. I’m not presuming to know what someone hosting a meal does or does not want to serve!)
Just…decline? It’s not at all rude if you do it gracefully (“thanks so much for thinking of me! Unfortunately I won’t be able to make it but I’m sure it’ll be a lovely time” etc). And much easier than trying to get your friends/acquaintances to intuitively understand that you hate parties and prefer not to be invited.
Courtney, I’m just like you at parties—focused on the hosts’ pets and dreading the small talk. I usually last a few minutes before I just shadow my husband until he’s ready to leave. I’m very introverted and don’t usually feel understood or satisfied chitchatting with people. I just feel like I’m on a different wavelength.
Experienced parents/caregivers/party throwers – We like to host but I find the kids’ toys are the most stressful part. We are fortunate to have a great playroom and plenty of toys. They keep the kids mostly entertained. But also, every toy we own seems to come out and be distributed to a new room in the house. I want to be the fun mom and go with the flow … but I’m not. 😬 I don’t police anyone but can’t fully unclench while the kids move with wild abandon. We live in MN, so staying outside isn’t an option. Any tips? (The meme “I can go with the flow but what time does the flow start?” was meant for me, lol. I just need a plan.)
I feel this so hard. Also hoping for ideas!
My husband and I committed to hosting every weekend this year. We have two children and a small (for our area) home with no playroom. We have just decided that after our guests leave, one of us cleans up the toys and the other handles the kitchen. We put away any toys we don’t want kids to access in the garage, but everything else is fair game.
We had a big pie party with 30 people (more than half kids). We don’t have a play room and I didn’t want my kids’ rooms destroyed. So, we got a bunch of craft supplies and set them up in the kitchen at card tables, the island, etc. Just random things that felt a little special like pretty beads, sequins, pipe cleaners. We had a couple of craft ideas, but most kids turned it into jewelry. It worked well for kids from 4 – 12! They could choose between that and watching a movie upstairs.
Okay I totally feel this. My ideas: 1. Hide toys, especially the ones that disperse too much! Put those bins in a closet/the garage and keep fewer toy options out 2. Set up an art station to keep kids entertained in a smaller area. I love the sticker party favors on Amazon/in stores – the ones with like, a turkey that needs its top hat, mouth, eyes, etc. I buy a 50 pack for most of my parties and it keeps 15+ kids ages 3-8 pretty well entertained!
Former teacher here. Wondering about putting most of the toys away/out of reach? Kids are very imaginative with fewer things (ironically) and with more space, and then the fewer toys, the less mess. You can leave out a small amount of basics—games or dress up or play kitchen items, but put the bulk of it away if possible. We have garage storage and had a few toys that stayed there except for when friends came over—then they were special for everyone. But also, in the end, you’re spot on—gotta go with the flow…
When my kid was little we really only had breakfast parties. I found that it put a nice time limit on things and we avoided lots of meltdowns. Plus easy – muffins, bacon, fruit, yogurt – whatever! Everyone is still optimistic in the morning. As he got a bit older I tried to give the kids something to do – like everyone got their own color of a stack of post it notes to stick on walls, or one particularly nutso time when they got balls of string to wrap around things to make ‘nests’. Sometimes my ideas worked and sometimes they didn’t, but I found I was much more able to flow in the morning than in the evening. I had no flow left by 3 on most days. I also have been known to hire someone’s older sibling to keep the younger ones entertained.
I totally agree with the putting toys away! We stash things in the kids rooms and then close the doors since we don’t want kids in the bedrooms anyways. I have just had to decide I value community and hospitality more than a clean home which has been more difficult than I care to admit! We also include our kids in hosting/cleaning which helps. They know if they create a giant mess with their friends they are responsible for helping.
Agree with the people saying hide the toys. Put them in an off limits area and just leave a few things accessible. Kids love art projects and dress up, and they can show off to other guests with these options, so that gets them engaged. Too many toys will send them into a frenzy of destructive indecision.
Going with the flow is so hard sometimes! Does anyone have any book recommendations/advice for becoming less uptight?! It’s a big struggle for me in general and particularly as a mum.
I will likely be in the minority here but own fewer toys. We don’t have a dedicated playroom in our house. Our daughter’s toys must fit in her bedroom. The urge to bring everything out goes away when there are fewer things and those things have dedicated places. I will put out a basket of magnatiles when kids over coming over. But honestly, everyone loves magnatiles. Adults play with them over drinks.
We have a playroom and while we’re hosting, we hire a few middle or high schoolers to play with the kiddos in the playroom and keep the space tidy. So far, it has worked like a charm!
These are great recommendations – thank you! We have fewer toys than many of our friends, but the 30 Polly Pockets (and their tiny friends) that my mom recently found and brought to our house aren’t helping, haha.
Also – if you have space…don’t be afraid of sending the littles outside. I also live in MN – and as long as kids are dressed for it they can play outside all year.
I finally had to accept that I couldn’t be the fun mom regarding anything involving mess. Everything else, I’m fun! My darling friend Barbara is the Queen of Chill and I will never be her. As my mom always said, “Ours skills lie elsewhere.”
@Maura : „I had on flow left After 3“ – I can so rely on that!!!
Agree with hiding some toys if needed! We also instituted a family policy very early on with our kids (very early, like 2-3 up) that every night before we go up to bed we tidy up – all toys in bins, etc. You can sing a song while you do it to make it fun. But the message is that we are a family that works together to keep our home tidy. If any toys are left out, they lose them. It might sound harsh, but truly it only takes one time and the lesson is learned!! Over the years, if they’ve created an epic Lego battle scene for instance that they want to continue the next day they can ask to keep it out and it’s not a problem. But the general premise remains the same every day – we all pitch in to tidy. The same applies after parties and the kids are fully involved in the tidying up! They hardly ever complain because it’s just something we’re all doing together.
I laughed out loud at, “Okay, gotta go!”