We Had Two Beloved Visitors in Brooklyn Last Week

hahaha it was WILD. there was one moment when I had to tell them to stop doing prank wars in the Airbnb (!!!!) and thought I’d maybe bitten off more than I could chew!!

My exact thought too!

My first thought as well- they look so similar!

Omg!!! Going to make this weekend thanks for the rec!

I don’t know if you saw this from pinch of yum but that is where I learned it!

I also brought that appetizer (with hot honey, from the Pinch of Yum recipe) to a grown up’s birthday party recently and it was a hit! For those who want the link: https://pinchofyum.com/boursin-appetizer-with-pistachios-and-honey

also picked up Rummikub from my Romanian bestie. they play a special house-rules version which is wildly fun!

Me too, I read Sharon’s blog for years and miss her; I love getting any little updates! Can’t wait to see that house tour.

HI JULIE!! port charlotte representing!! hahah thank you for kind words.

We’re an Uno family these days, but I played Rummikub with my maternal grandparents a lot. My mom has their set and we’ve played a few times.

Haha, completely agree – in my family, everyone decides to make a cup of tea when someone says ‘let me try something’. We know it’ll take at least five minutes before it’s either sorted or more often, an untangleable cluster!

ooh these sound so good!!!

The Bret’s truffle chips are out of this world. You can get them in the US at a few places or places that import French goods (there are services where you can order French staples).

I found these the last time I was in Montreal too!! Was blown away by the falafel flavour.

Bret’s has *butter flavor* potato chips. I think that’s all I need to say!

Not French, but we go there on holiday regularly… I KNEW it was going to be Brets as soon as I read “the most delicious bag of chips”!!!! They are SO good!!!!

haha great question! we actually rented an Airbnb near our friends’ house in connecticut, since having four teenage boys sleeping over at their place seemed like way too much haha. but yes, with close friendships, I will often ask, “are you guys around this weekend? are you up for some visitors?” or something like that — and we’ve visited them in their town probably 20 times so they’re used to chaos landing on their doorstep haha. with other friends, yes, as you say, it’s a mix of asking if we can come visit and having them tell us we have open invitations. and the same is true for our house, for sure. sharon and her husband have stayed with us many times, both when we’re in town and when we’re out of town (like, if they want a romantic nyc weekend together and crash at our house). and their kids have crashed at ours, too, even by themselves when they’re in the city for work or whatever. (I LOVE having them.) we have a pretty revolving door. the trick to this working well, I think, is the ability on both sides to say no. I’ve definitely said a certain weekend wouldn’t work out, and they’ve said the same, which is 100000% fine with zero subtext or hard feelings! hope this helps xoxo Joanna

love this, thank you for the reply!!!

Aww, Lea. If it’s this hard at the beginning, it probably won’t get easier to communicate with him. It reminds me of that saying, “Women marry men hoping they’ll change and men marry women hoping they won’t change.” Something like that. You sound lovely. I hope you can find someone who shows up for you and shares your generosity.

Lea, that sounds so painful—my advice to you is to wait and see if he reaches back out to you. It sounds like you’re putting in all the effort, and that’s exhausting and one-sided. You deserve someone who reciprocates your love!

Lea, not to jump to pathologizing, but there’s a chance he is on the spectrum or has avoidant attachment style, etc. as my mom always says, “people are entrenched in whole huge worlds of their own, and very little they do or say actually has to do with you.” you sound incredible, and he might just not be capable of being in a relationship right now, with anyone. go find someone who worships the ground you walk on! they’re out there! xoxoxo

Girl. You should not have to try this hard to make a man give you the time of day. Put every single ounce of energy you have into yourself and your friends and people who come back to you naturally. Every moment you spend even thinking about this guy and contorting yourself for him saps your life energy and gives it to him. Continuing in this situation for even a minute longer is demeaning to you. He is not a project for you to fix or improve. You cannot twist a man’s arm into loving you. Life is short and you surely have lots of loving and empathetic qualities that will be recognized as the gift they are by the right person. This man is not it. Do not wait for a response from him, do not condition your behavior on his actions, try as hard as you can to love yourself enough to move on. The sooner this guy is in the rear view mirror, the sooner you will be able to create conditions for a more suitable/open match to come along. I am being harsh, but this is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

Lea, look at it this way–you have gained the knowledge you need without wasting a portion of your life or the divorce fees!! You are someone who can be loving and demonstrate that. You need someone like that to form a healthy partnership, not someone who can. You want Chinese and he’s a pizza restaurant. Good to know that now than after 2 kids.

“You want Chinese and he’s a pizza restaurant” = omg I love this.

Echoing what others have said – it sounds like he doesn’t have the capacity to be in a relationship – i wouldn’t waste additional time agonizing over him (which I realize is easier said than done!) I would keep trying to meet new people and find someone who is equally as interested in a relationship as you are.

Stop asking him to be someone he’s not. I know it’s hard, particularly after trying to push the relationship forward for 10 months. We all deserve to be with someone who loves us for who we are. He’s shown you he is not your person. It’s time to stop trying to change him and to move on to someone who is a better fit for your personality.

What Joanna said but also, it seems really crucial that you ask yourself why you want someone so much who is giving you nothing or not much in return? Why do you think this relationship could be successful and happy for you? Why not find a WILLING partner instead of “beating a dead horse with a stick” for lack of a better way to put it…Let it go.

Lea, first off, sending hugs for your bruised heart. xx I agree with the other comments here that probably after this amount of time, if you all haven’t found a way of communicating/connecting that works for both of you, it may be best to direct your attention, energy, and love elsewhere. However, in reading your comment I did wonder if perhaps some of this is also cross-cultural? Just basing that off you saying that you’re on the other side of the world and had tried to teach him a new language. Obviously, even if you and he come from different cultural/linguistic backgrounds, that is not an excuse for lack of effort and growth! But — speaking as someone who lives in a foreign-to-me country and is partnered with someone from here — there have been extra hurdles to navigate. There are so many layers to what someone learns from their culture and society around (how to express) emotions, communication styles, relationships, etc. not to mention sometimes its just hard to express yourself on deeper/delicate topics when you’re speaking a foreign language. Maybe I’m totallyyyy off base and projecting here, but I guess I’m just saying this because sometimes I think it’s helpful to remember that someone else’s issues can be complex and don’t necessarily indicate a lack of interest or appreciation for who you are and what you bring. And then I can give that person grace while moving forward.

Yes I agree with everyone below. Be glad you found this out earlier than later. 10 months is not that long in the grand scheme of things. Hope you have people around to support you <3

Hahahahahaaha

We take photos of the table before anyone begins rearranging. Helps with the putting back several minutes later! We also play without points, which makes things much easier, especially with kids.

I have a solution, or at least a suggestion :) We play speed rummikub, and have never played the regular version again. Everyone places their tiles face down on the table, and on the word “go” everyone flips them over at the same time, then all play at once! You have to move fast! And if things hit a standstill where no one can play, everyone draws a new tile from the stash which usually gets thing moving again. Or, each person can just grab new tiles for themselves whenever they’re stuck and can’t play anything. Whoever is out of their pile of tiles first wins! Trust me, you won’t go back ;)

I loved Rummikub as a kid. I recently bought it to try and introduce it to my boyfriend and his daughter – but there are too many special/ new tiles! I yearn for the less complicated game! And Heidi – we play “Speed Scrabble” this way! Sort of like bananagrams, except you get points!!

Awwwww he is so much fun and I always miss him!

Hahahaha omg I can’t tell you how much I love this comment. Boooooots! And we have the funniest videos of daredevil Nick doing bike wheelies, cold swimming, jumping off things, etc. Wish I could beam them to your child when he was younger, he would have been delighted haha

Hahahaahahah

Haha, I always think of that too, because I work at “Loogabarooga” University!!!

I didn’t realize they had a card version! Looking up immediately

I’ll ask her!

Hi! love this question and i’m always ready to talk colors. all are ben moore Odessa Pink or Queen Anne Pink. i forgot. Capital White Chrome Green–I think!! I forgot. Close enough.

I live one town over from Shannon and drive by her house all the time to the green :) :) every time I drive by, I think to myself like a total creeper – I know the lady who lives there 👀

I am a wedding photographer and I’ve made friends for life from some clients.

I have and my personality (could be different for others) is to go the clear and no hard feelings route: “it’s really fun talking with you — always happy to keep you as just a good client — but if you have space in your life for another pal, would you ever want to grab coffee or lunch? let me know!” I like this approach because you get an answer (yes would love to, no too busy but thanks) — but sometimes people feel imposed on too so that’s a risk.

I haven’t had an experience on your end, but I’ve often thought how fun it would be to be friends with my hair stylist. As the client, I would never ask because it would feel imposing. But if she were ever to suggest going for coffee, I’d be totally up for it! I say go for it! They’ll find an excuse to decline if they’re not up for it.

Hi, Just a thought…I recently joined a knitting group that meets at the yarn shop weekly. I’ve really enjoyed the social aspect of visiting with everyone each week. Maybe something like this would be an enjoyable way to meet new friends. xo

Ooooh! This is such a good question! While I am mixed in my stance with this specific question, I have joined a couple of clubs/studios and would really like to extend the question to some of my studio pals, but I’m so in my head about it. They are all established here and already sound like they have plenty of friends. I’ve got some “rejection anxiety”, and even writing this makes me realize I should probably work on that issue haha!

Clara what an interesting and to my mind a bit tricky question. I would suggest in this SPECIFIC case, of its someone you have a professional relationship with, instead of a broad invite (lets get coffee sometime), ask something super specific eg, hey I’m headed to x concert/y exhibit/z event on Saturday morning, any chance you’d like to join? This I think has a few benefits -if friendship is in the cards, it can blossom quick -if they aren’t that into it, they can gracefully decline the SPECIFIC INVITE eg and everyone “saves face” -if they are into it but cant make event, you’ve flagged you’re open to friendship and they can counter with another specific date I’m no expert but that would make me feel comfortable were I you or on the receiving end…

I love LLL and Jen’s advice to you here, Friendly. :) Extending an offer in a very low stakes way will most certainly be taken as a compliment (“she sees my messy house and still wants to hang out with me!!”) and can be declined in a way that allows a great professional relationship to continue, or creates another opportunity for later! I’m also cheering for Whitney to hang out with her stylist here! Maybe you could just joke and say, I always love chatting with you and wish we could go for a cup of coffee when I leave your chair! At the very least, her heart will swell the kindness of that compliment, but she might actually say, Same!! I also wanted to respond to Clara – Clara! In the past two years, I have really been pushing myself to grow in the friendship department. There are 5 different women who I have known from afar for years who have either reached out to me to hang out or I to them, and they have become my closest friends locally. They were all people I knew through my kids’ schools or activities and in each case, I really enjoyed them when I saw them but knew they had tons of established friendships (and they thought the same about me). Truthfully my friendships were with the women who my kids were closest to, and who were the most likely to ask me to give their kids a ride somewhere. I enjoy those friends but it mostly felt transactional. I started giving myself permission to pursue friendship with the women I most admired and who I felt seen by (as more than a potential play date drop-off) and I can’t tell you how much it has enriched my life. It started small by saying something like, “I always love getting to see you! We should hang out!”

Dissenting opinion but I would not risk it. I think it has the potential to be awkward for all, especially because cleaning someone’s house does give you a level of familiarity with them that might become uncomfortable if your friendship offer is not reciprocated. I would likely end the professional relationship if a personal relationship I didn’t want to pursue was extended.

I wholeheartedly agree with Jen! Reach out with an invite to something specific. If they’re not interested in or don’t have time to shift the professional relationship to friendship, they can just decline that specific invite, or if they are interested but can’t make it, they’ll likely indicate they’d love to do something similar another time and then (importantly!) theyll actually follow up. This advice applies to making friends in all sorts of scenarios, and I think it works for asking people out, too!

I would not do it. On the client’s end it can be so uncomfortable. I had a hairstylist try to become friends outside of the professional relationship and it was just way too much for me. Now I don’t go to her anymore even though she was a great hairstylist (and human being! I just wasn’t looking for a new friend). It can work with a one-time or not frequent service like wedding photography, but regular services would be too tricky to negotiate. Unless you’re ok with losing the client, I would not try it.

Same!! I dislike it when my massage person/nails/hair/cleaning person try to become my friend. Totally happy to have a super warm relationship with them while they are working but after that it’s paid and goodbye until next time. One time my laser hair removal lady was going thru a breakup and we chatted and she cried. But did I want to go to her house for coffee to chat more ? Nope.

I agree with Madeline here — I think the key factor is if it’s a recurring professional relationship or one-time thing. A one-time thing (like wedding photographer) is much less likely to become awkward because you already have an out if either party doesn’t want to reciprocate the friendship. Something recurring and trying to branch out to friendship would make me uncomfortable as a client, and if I liked your professional services, I would feel torn between continuing to work with you vs. finding someone else — which would be a lose/lose for both parties. It’s almost like doctor/patient — better just to leave it as is, and get along when you see them, especially when the services are an intimate look into one’s life.