What Do You Want to Learn This Year?
Every other Tuesday evening, my husband, our three kids, and I pull up to my grandfather’s house…
Our evenings always go the same way. The pack of seven (!) kid cousins ride their bikes around, taking breaks only to run over and grab watermelon slices. The adults gather around my grandfather’s grill, prepping hamburgers and fries. Then we all head inside to eat at the table.
A couple weeks ago, I was sitting at that very dinner table, when my grandfather made a request.
“Oh, Jannellyyyy,” he crooned. “You know what would make my night? If you played a song for us on the piano.” He nodded towards the upright in the corner.
In theory, this was a solid idea. How charming would it be if, in that moment, I plopped myself down on the piano bench and started busting out show tunes?
But despite taking lessons as a kid, I hadn’t played the piano in 22 years. Today, my repertoire consists of only “Chopsticks” and the intro to a Little Mermaid song. “Sorry, Grandpa, but no,” I told him. “Maybe another time!” I then clunkily switched subjects, asking him to share stories of his childhood in Bolivia.
Now here’s the thing.
Since that dinner, I can’t stop thinking about pulling my old keyboard out of the attic.
Learning to play songs — like, “Linus and Lucy” or Coldplay’s “Fix You” — sounds exciting, and practicing piano would be a nice way to step out of my day-to-day routine. I’d love to play a feel-good tune on the piano at our next family gathering, with my grandfather singing along.
Plus, it’s been years since I last learned a skill just for fun. A couple more things I want to learn this fall? How to Dutch braid my older daughter’s hair, and how to make chocolate mousse. It’ll be fun to feel like a student again and try something low-stakes that has nothing to do with work or parenting.
What about you? Is there anything you want to learn? Or are you currently learning something new? Please share below.
P.S. Learning to swim at age 37, and the hardest tongue twister.
(Photo by Cara Dolan/Stocksy.)
Comments
152 commentsWhat’s your grandpa’s favorite song? Maybe you can learn to play it on the piano and surprise him with it at Christmas. I’m sure he would love that!
Swimming I learned to swim the backstroke and dead-man’s float as a kid, and along the way picked up “breast stroke with the head above the water”. I can swim long distances and love ocean swimming and deep water, but until this year, at the ripe old age of 47, I could not put my face in the water. Finally this year, I took a class for absolute beginners, and finally started learning freestyle. I am still practicing and when swimming, I look like a seal who has absolutely no idea what they are doing, but I am getting better. Next on my list: a real handstand without any help. A split. How to use a sewing machine, and improve my basic sewing and repair skills. Maybe even surfing in the future!
I have been super inspired by my husband, who four years ago, after his hospitality management career got mangled by COVID, quit his job and began his Engineering degree at age 40, six weeks before we had our second child! It’s been HARD – when I went to university all I had to worry about was my grades and my weekend social life, so he is about to work on his thesis to finish up. We’re moving back to Canada after nine years in Australia next year, and I will sign up to do my Masters and become a librarian. And tomorrow, I will be taking a two-hour course at the local library to learn what it takes to become a children’s author, just for fun. :)
Maybe this will be the year I retake and (actually advance in) learning Finnish, for the 11th time, now that I seem to be falling in love with a Finn :)
I just started a masters program. I went back and forth if it would be worth it but now that I’m doing it I realize that even if there isn’t a pay off, I love learning!
that’s incredible, Ann! clapping from over here!
I’m 49, and am just starting to learn how to stand back and not rescue people who did not ask for help. I listened to a podcast a couple of weeks ago that said that unsolicited rescuing was not, in fact, generosity, but a codependent mechanism!! Sheesh, that one kicked me in the gut. I am always the fixer in every situation, and have been since I was very little. I’m trying very hard to unlearn my people-pleasing tendencies, and not treat other people’s discomfort (or consequences of poor planning) as my responsibility.
I would love to know what podcast you listened to Twyla. Sounds very helpful.
I just learned how to take the rear wheel off of my bicycle! It was a little complicated and I did need to borrow some husband-muscle to get a nut loosened, but I was proud that I did it (and put it back on). Next step: learning to change my own inner tube when I get a flat.
What an absolutely lovely tradition with your grandfather and family!!
I’m learning how to live alone (again). I lived alone during college and grad school but then moved in with my fiance, got married, had baby, then divorced after 18 years. My daughter just started at BC two weeks ago and I am sad, so sad. We are best friends. It’s just been the two of us for the last six years. I’m fiercely independent and not scared of the move or new job….etc…..I’m scared of never getting past the stage of wanting more kids (tried all type of things and could never get another one here…including a failed adoption). The time of raising kids isn’t supposed to be over. But, it is. So, I think this fall I am going to (re)learn how to live alone and figure out how to not make it feel lonely or sad.
I see you, Jessica. You can do it – there is still so much joy in this life.
I am so sorry that you have been through all of this and are feeling alone. Can I make a suggestion? If you are not already friends with your neighbors, have a party! When my kids were little we had a snowstorm and all of us needed to help each other to dig out. We had an unplanned get together during the storm. Since then we have built a community a little bit at a time. It’s really lovely to have friends who live right next to you. Just offer up a way to get to know each other and keep being the organizer for a while. <3
Would you think about volunteering with a kids programme? I am a Brownie leader in the UK (not sure what you would call them where you are, but they are 7-10 year old Girl Scouts) and I get a real sense of pride that I am contributing to their development! Nowhere near the same as parenting I know, but really worthwhile for me, and if they move up to our older sections I still get to see what they’re up to!!
Living alone takes practice. You’ll get the hang of it!!
Not sure if this is a viable option for you, but if you are interested in helping kids and you have the space and time, perhaps consider becoming a foster parent!
As someone who loves to play the piano, I am cheering you on! Recently I decided to take up golf… to be a beginner at something in my 40s has been so good. My two boys decided to start as well and now we are that family who is out there together most weekends. How will I get my teenagers to spend time with me? I will keep paying their golf memberships :) being a relative beginner in a very male dominated sport has also been a journey- but ultimately its been powerful to take it on.
I’m currently learning German (very slowly/casually). It’s fun and super challenging! The next thing I’d like to learn is how to decorate cakes with whimsical flowery patterns.
Brave you! It is difficult! Let me know if you’d like a pen pal, I am Swiss-German and happy to help (I used to be a teacher, now working somewhere else).
I am working on picking up my German again :) I studied it all through middle & high school and some in college and am decent, but speaking and writing are definitely weaker points for me, naturally, and I would love to get into it again!
Wow! Between this post, the comments, and my own thought process, it seems we’ve all been on the same wavelength in a desire to learn! This fall, I’ve committed myself to re-mastering (and improving) dusty skills that were put on hold in the chaos that is early motherhood. With my youngest old enough for a mother’s morning out program, I’ve decided to spend some of that free-ish time playing the piano. I’m starting with Fur Elise, which I first learned at age 12 (I’m 40 now, ha) because it seems like the perfect piece to have in my back pocket in the off chance I have a similar experience to Jannelle! I’ve also started knitting again after a 6 year hiatus. It’s so cozy, so I’m surprised at the absolute excitement and giddiness I feel about finding patterns with new skills to learn!
I’m finally taking a pottery class! Working with clay and on the wheel is super grounding, my hands are messy and I can’t do anything but what is in front of me! It’s also humbling when you have to work through the hard parts, ask the teacher for help, and just try it over and over.
I am taking pre-reqs to start school for occupational therapy in May, I’m learning to draw, got a keyboard to learn how to play piano, have taken up gardening and started mountain biking with my husband. Non screen skills are so vital to our growth as humans.
My husband and I were just talking this weekend about how, in our mid-40s, we need to be sure that we seek out ways to learn new things. I had been thinking about this all summer in reference to a chart I saw re: good and bad dopamine for kids–the best was ‘mastering a skill’ (the worst: porn). And I think that’s true for adults, too! So I have pushed myself to try new things all summer. Next up, like many others, is re-learning piano and taking voice lessons! Learning new things also a great way, it seems, to ward off dementia. Let’s go, ladies!
What a timely question, as I just went to my first adult beginner ballet class last night. I have done adult beginner ballet before, but not for years, so I am starting from scratch. I’m a strong believer in doing what you love, even if you’re not good at it.
This is a fun question! Also I used to play piano as a teenager but since I left school and home, haven’t had access to one. But my mum has just bought herself a baby grand piano so I can play piano when I next visit her! There will have been an 18 year break, haha. Luckily her’s has some fancy headphone set up so I can be rusty without anyone hearing me! In terms of learning, this autumn/winter my partner and I have plans to learn Cornish (via a BBC Cornwall podcast) and British Sign Language (method: not yet sure yet). We’re excited to get a deeper connection to where we live and be able to use BSL both for ourselves and in case it helps anyone we come across in everyday life. My partner has auditory processing disorder and I sometimes go non-verbal due to being autistic or getting laryingitis, so our communication can be haphazard! This feels like it might be a game changer. I was inspired after watching a documentary where BSL was taught to people living in a retirement home (and the staff there). It helped so many more people than you might think e.g. one person was going deaf due to age, but another had had a stroke a year ago and was struggling to speak.
Love this question. We should all be lifelong learners! For the past couple of years I’ve been learning to sew. More recently I’ve decided to delve deeper into my spirituality so that is looking like learning to pray (yes, I had to learn lol), learning tarot (starting this soon), and looking at things with a more spiritual lens.
I’ve been learning Spanish on duolingo for 123 days, just for fun. I’m Italian and I speak English and German, but I learnt those languages during my school career. At 44 I wanted to take up a new skill and I’m doing it alongside my 9 years old (who is faster and better than me at learning). It has been so much fun!
COJ HiveMind, I have a conundrum. I signed up for a multi-week art class and was feeling really inspired to go (partially by this post). I had the first class, and hate it. Teacher was fine, I just don’t like this medium, I guess. Or maybe I hate being bad at something? Or both?! So, what do I do? I am feeling really disappointed in having sunk a chunk of change into a class I don’t like (no refunds). Is it ok to just not go? Should I just white knuckle it? How do I adopt a growth mindset for this situation?
Definitely OK to no go!! Also, I highly recommend reading The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron!
I suggest going one more time (at least!) and setting a goal to relax, or learn, or be bad at it. Part of having a growth/learner mindset is being disappointed and bruising your ego before coming around to something new.
Give it 3 chances, then make the decision. That’s been my rule since I was a kid, and it’s always worked out. Gives you enough data to make a confident decision.
I think it’s ok to cut your losses and not go, but I also think you could try to adopt the mindset of “what have I got to lose?” and you might try some really interesting things with the medium if you genuinely don’t care/don’t want to be there. It might give you a more free approach to it than someone who desperately wants to be good at it. Maybe you’ll still hate it in the end, maybe you’ll make something cool, maybe you’ll make something so bad but you’ll learn to laugh at yourself, maybe you’ll make a friend or just have some zen time! So many possibilities. I say this as someone who one time convinced my non-running husband to go on an 8 mile pub run with some new-to-him friends just to hear the stories he came back with (it was hilarious and he doesn’t run but is still happy he did it lol)
i took a watercolor class, hated everything i did but enjoyed the process. Just let the process be a moving meditation and decide you don’t care about the end product.
Just as Rachel said, my rule is Give It 3 Times – if it’s still bad, don’t go. But most new things (and people) need a few times to get adjusted to.
This is what i tell my son who’s having a hard time being bad at playing bass : “if you hate it because you think you’re bad, try one more time and be the WORST you can be. Play horribly, too fast or too slow, terribly in all the ways you can think of.” It takes all the seriousness out of the practice and sometimes you end up enjoying the process. That’s what i’m doing too when i find myself stuck in a “I wish i’d draw more, but i’m ashamed to be so bad and who am i to blablabla”… it works !
Young kids have such a pliable sense of self. They are constantly learning a new thing and constantly terrible at it. Somewhere along the way adults (thinking of myself) cut off what we’re not good at and grow in the arenas of our ‘talent’. Sure, life is too short to do things you hate. You don’t owe anyone anything on this spinning rock. But also (maybe?) it could be cool to look at this not as painting but as a practice in being stretchy, like a kid. There may be joy there
Just wanted to report back that I di attend class #2. It went a lot better. I tried to adopt a growth mindset and treat it as just “creative time” for me, whether I am skillful or not, knowing this is not my medium of choice, and that is ok. Thanks for weighing in, all!
At 44, I’m starting a full-time Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling program next week. Good to remind myself that, even if it takes me forever to get licensed, I have years ahead of me to learn and grow.
I love this for you!!
Go us! Currently studying for my abnormal psychology class – last pre-req before entering Occupational Therapy Assistant school in May at age 42. Can confirm that learning new things at our age is imperative to keeping your brain nimble!
I am trying to learn to allow space for feeling uncomfortable and just settle into it. I am going through perimenopause and it’s a wild ride. I have found myself afraid of everything, leaving the house, people’s opinions, saying the wrong thing. It’s really hard. So I’ve decided to do hard things to get myself used to being uncomfortable and knowing it will be ok. I’ve started training jiu jitsu which has been really hard, but wonderful. I have booked a trip with a woman’s group in October and I don’t know anyone going on the trip. I am trying to also stop smoothing over things and just allow some conversation or situations to be hard. I’m learning that other people can carry the weight of the discomfort also.
I just took a trip with a womans group and it literally changed my life. I made lifelong friends and had the best time. You are going to love it!! Getting women together is where the magic happens.
Jackie, you sound extremely cool and brave. I’m sorry you’re going through this rough chapter, but really admire your approach — something I want to emulate!
YOU HAVE GOT THIS!!! I heard somewhere that everything we want is on the other side of fear / discomfort <3 as a fellow anxious individual these days, I admire how you’re showing up for yourself and guiding yourself through this. Also, how are we finding these women’s groups?!
-restart combat sport -channel rage better (not yelling at loved ones… perhaps combat sport can help) -starting new academic journey in a subject I love, learning to be ok with professors younger than me, reminding myself I have just my life and experience and it’s interesting too even if I’m “restarting” professionally
For years I worked long hours at my STEM-intensive career. Then I quit to support my family through a difficult transition. In the fall of 2024, though, I took a creative writing class, and then another and then another. I am halfway through a novel now and it is all the things – scary, exciting and extremely rewarding. I hope I find it in me to finish and put it out into the world. I loved reading about all the amazing things everyone is learning – glockenspiel? Starting a business? Native plant garden? Aerial silks! So much power to all of you in your journeys.
Learning another language like Irish or Chinese.
I have taken up so many hobbies to be more in my body. My favorite: tennis! and most recent: abstract print making. So freaking fun and so wonderful to get out of my head, and learn new weird things, make new friends live a fuller life.
I just started knitting lessons and it has been so fun to knit when I have down time and see my literal handiwork grow with each row I knit and pearl. I’m taking a class at a local yarn store where I live and I’m also loving meeting people and knitting together and being in a totally different social setting. Next on my list: violin lessons!
Late to commenting, but I’m in a new job/industry whereby I’m learning SO much, but I’m really unsettled because I’m not sure where this is leading me. And of course, startup, so a million miles an hour/not enough staff/huge expectations/I’m leading projects I’m not a SME in. I’d love the encouragement of jumping 5-10 years forward to see how this did pay off (or not). The COJ post “how has life surprised you?” is one I revisit frequently for the comments, because it’s inspiring/interesting to see that nothing is static and life can be unexpected/amazing in good ways.
Oh, and for fun hobbies: tradition tailoring (very new to me) and re-learning piano! I used to be quite proficient, but not any longer. Happily enjoying the challenge and how different it is from other parts of my life.
I know this isn’t what you mean, but I’ve just started trying to learn how to be angry. It’s an emotion I never made room for in relationships and never even carved out a space to allow it for myself. It feels as foreign to me as floating dots on the page of a beginners music book. I want to practice holding anger, tolerating it. Eventually I want to create a container to pour it into. What does that even look like? I know that peacekeeping (at all costs) has not brought actual peace. And so I’m actually excited to spend this year sitting on the proverbial piano bench and plucking away at some awful sounding new song. Any of you lovely souls out there that have tips for handling rage with compassionate care, I’m eager to learn!
This is an interesting thing to think about. I wonder if it’s good to put anger in a container? I think at its best, anger is fuel. It can ignite the urge to demand better, ti make noise, to fight against injustice. And sometimes for me it can be cathartic to just let the anger flow through me by doing something physical, like running or going uphill or like screaming in my car. I don’t do it often though. It’s definitely not a healthy dynamic that men seem to be encouraged to only have anger as a way to express any negative emotion, and women are pressured to never express anger at all.
i love this so much. I’d love to learn to be okay with this too. So conflict avoidant usually.
I know I read it here years ago and screen shot it- “There’s a lot of sad in boys’ mad, and a lot of mad in girls’ sad.” I wanted to remember that as I raised my boys.
Emily, I can relate to this! My therapist had to teach me that a) it was OK to feel angry and b) how to recognise my anger when it arrived! I spent years shoving it down and minimising it, thinking ‘I just wasn’t an angry person’. Ha. The key for me has been ‘how do I act on this anger?’ (In a responsible, mature way, of course.) Sometimes that is voicing my anger in a way that can create positive change, e.g. signing a petition, speaking to my colleague. Sometimes it is cutting the weeds done on my allotment, cooking dinner or dancing to music in my kitchen – it gets it out of my head and releases tension through my body. Best for minor things or where I can’t do anything related to the issue. Either way, it’s when I’m stewing on something that I usually feel worse. I go by the ‘anger means you need to act’ approach!
These comments are gold! Thank you! When I was thinking of a container for anger it was thinking “how do I give this to someone who I know has no way to receive it.” But Erica, your comment about anger being fuel and Oak same with what you said about movement- it’s so so good! Now I’m thinking about ocean waves and how they *can* be aggressive but at their best they are powerfully cleansing
Love this! May I suggest finding an acting class in your area? You’d get to practice feeling and expressing all kinds of different emotions without any messiness in your real life. (But of course finding the access to emotions can often have ripple effects in real life, if you want that! I have learned so much about being a human from all the different human characters I’ve had the privilege of playing as an actor.
I guess I should probably learn to swim at 33! Also, ASL. I have an app on my phone and have learned some simple signs, but there’s also an ASL group at my work that I plan on joining.
Katie, I learned to swim at 29 and now I live by the sea and swim regularly and love it! It is absolutely doable – have fun!
Just wanted to chime in that I learned how to swim at 27 (and I even had a fear of the water)! I took several months of lessons at a shallow indoor pool with a wonderful, kind swim coach, and I finally got it! I now swim laps twice a week and it has been truly life-changing – I now absolutely LOVE swimming and being in the water.
I really want to learn vegan baking! My grandma taught me to bake when I was a kid and I’ve loved it ever since, but now that I’m plant-based I’m struggling. I’d love to find in-person classes and learn the actual science of how each texture and mixture work so I can confidently make it vegan. If y’all know of any places in NYC let me know!! I haven’t had any luck
Ooh this is the best banana bread: https://ohsheglows.com/vegan-banana-bread/. I use brown sugar instead of coconut sugar and add 40 g good chocolate chips (just cocoa no dairy). And top with cinnamon sugar and chopped walnuts. Honestly has ruined me for other banana bread. Highly recommend!
I really want to learn to kayak! Every time I see a photo of someone kayaking or canoeing down a river I always think it looks so peaceful. I have even found a club locally but life is so busy with two small kids it seems like such an effort to trek to the classes. I hope one day I will make it!
We just bought a kayak secondhand and it is so fun!! My husband had never kayaked and jumped right in and loves it. We got one with a seat for our toddler and take him out with us. I thought it was very unpractical with a child, but we are making it work and are so glad we went for it!
I’m heading to Europe this winter to learn more about traditional cheesemaking methods!
My gosh, this could be the main plot of a movie! Have the best time, Jennifer!
I’ve been taking horseback riding lessons for the past several months. As a mom to a 1 & 2 year old, it’s been wonderful to have something a couple hours, twice a month where I go and get absorbed in something completely unrelated to the rest of my life. Shout out to “my” horse, Copper, for letting me make all the mistakes and trusting me anyway.
Oh my gosh — I’m on my third lesson! I had never been on a horse in my life and decided I wanted to learn! My guy is Jericho. It’s an amazing thing to be up on this big animal walking around. Have fun!
Yes to learning/loving new hobbies! My youngest just started kindergarten and it seems to have opened up a new hobby window even though I work full time. I started learning the banjo in January and joined a canyoneering chicks group this summer to explore the incredible canyons around my home state of Utah. I was also knitting at one of my kids sport events and another Mom invited me to join a neighborhood stitch and bitch group. A bunch of ladies from the neighborhood get together once every other week to knit, needlepoint, embroider, quilt or just use their hands to eat snacks and gab with a bunch of friends. Hobbies are bringing me so much joy this year!
Learning the banjo is so cool!! I don’t know it but it’s a bucket list instrument of mine.
I have been thinking about “re-learning” piano too! I took lessons from 2nd grade to 12th grade- it was required in my family (my dad comes from a long line of piano teachers). Last year at my work’s Holiday party, someone asked if anyone could play songs on the piano that was sitting in the room. I felt so sad that after all those years of lessons, I couldn’t do it (I also haven’t played in 22 years!). I haven’t brought out my keyboard yet, but it is on my mind a lot. Maybe someday I will plunk out a Christmas tune at my work party!
I do embroidery, which is pretty foolproof for most people to learn, but I’d love to find another crafty hobby to pick up this winter. I spend a lot of time at home on my computer as a writer, so I’d prefer something screen-free. I’ve tried knitting, but can’t seem to get the hang of it.
If you have yet to crochet, it’s much easier than knitting! I taught myself in a night using tiktok/YouTube and made a simple scarf in about a week!
Concur with Katie on crochet – I found it much easier than knitting! Embroidery is on my list of screen-free hobbies to try :)
I saw a post on Instagram of a person talking in a mashup of English, French and Spanish and realized I understood all of it, despite not officially speaking Spanish. I can say some things but am far from trilingual. So I’d like to learn to speak Spanish, not just be able read or infer it. I love languages so much and it creates so much connection between people. There are so many students from Spanish-speaking countries at my kid’s school in Minneapolis and I just wish I could be more helpful in being able to work with the parents who don’t speak English and make them feel supported. There is some Spanish-speaking staff, but more is always better.
Oh I love that Abbe x
Do it Abbe! I’ve been pursuing Spanish for eight years and it’s so fun! The best platforms I’ve used are: Fluenz, SpanishDict (better then Duolingo), and SuperFluent (I use the free version). I’m also audited a Spanish class at my local college and go to free Spanish conversation groups in my community which I’m sure Minneapolis has in spades. My favorite interactions have been overhearing a mom use Spanish to scold her child for running through the grocery and not having to translate anything – I just immediately understood what she was saying – and helping a sweet older gentleman navigate a self-checkout counter. You can do it!
I started Spanish tutoring online every 1-2 weeks through Preply and I HIGHLY recommend it! Shout-out to my tutor, Delia! The language learning apps are a good alternative to online scrolling, but there is really no replacement for learning from and speaking with a real person. My Preply link if anyone is so inclined: https://preply.com/en/?pref=MTgxMDEyMTU=&id=1788985458.285154&ep=w1
Abbe, check out community ed here in mpls! They offer so many options for Spanish
This is so cool you could also do a language exchange (more common in other countries). Like put up a sign in Spanish in a library saying you are staying to learn here is contact info does anyone want to do Spanish half hour and you correct me and then switch. Community building and better/faster to learn than the apps :)
*trying to learn :)
I really love this question! Can’t wait to dig into the comments. I’d like to learn Blender (I love Louie Zong’s artwork). I’d like to re-learn how to sew on a machine (to make new comforter covers). And I’d like to learn how to make friends in my community as an adult (that’s a lifelong learning goal, I know haha).
I want to teach myself/learn or actually JUST BEGIN a stumpwork project. My grandmother created the most amazing designs on denim shirts for all of her grandchildren and it remains a magical art form that I would like to try my hand at. I’m a little intimidated and have to remind myself that it’s ok to be a part of a learning curve…not an easy thing for me. I want it perfect …NOW. :)
At the end of last month I attended an all-ages workshop on – get this – SKATEBOARDING! I was SO nervous and the only adult participant. But the little girls decked out in sparkly unicorn shirts and tutus with bike shorts showed me the basics. After 90 minutes I was gliding around fulfilling my teenage dream to be a sk8r girl. I cried tears of joy in the car home. Who knew at 36 I’d be learning something so active and risky!? I’m so excited to go back this month!
Hell yes!! I love this!
Jessica that is awesome!!!
This is amazing! I never felt cool enough to try skateboarding when I was younger, and it wasn’t very common where I grew up. There is a skateboard park near me though, and I would love them to run something like this!
I want to learn how to create a Plex/Jellyfin server and get all my husband’s DVDs, bluerays, and CDs on there so we can actually enjoy them! Plus I’m hoping there’s a way to customize it for my toddler too so we can stop the drama that comes with choosing a show on streaming but seeing other shows while we’re doing it and not being able to pick one…
I have been learning to play mahjong and I am also trying to learn Latin. I got into a real deep rabbit hole on medieval history and I wish to be able to one day read the primary sources in the original language :D I’ve got Latin for Dummies and Duolingo going- I’m on a 175 day streak!
There is so much I want to learn and do that it can feel overwhelming! Especially with young kids and when I’m not meeting basic needs still, like getting enough sleep, exercising, reading. I used to knit, embroider, play the piano, train for and run distance races, try out new recipes and build skills in the kitchen, maintain a large garden. Not all at the same time, but still, I had a very full life of various pursuits outside of work. I’ve been telling myself that learning and hobbies just look different now that I am a mom. I’m starting a new job soon, so I will learn a ton there. I’m learning all the time about how to be a better mom for the kids I have today. I invested a ton into my parenthood transition when my twins were born, but turns out kids grow and their needs change and so I try to keep up. And I now fit in audiobooks, a small container garden, and short runs. I hope to start embroidery or knitting again this year too, but we’ll see. Small wins but just glad to still learn and grow.
I feel you, Liz. I work full time, my son is 2.5, and we’re smack in the middle of trying for our second (for a year + one miscarriage now). Sometimes, I think about all the things I want to learn and do, and I feel so sad that I just don’t have the time or energy right now. Just trying to tell myself it’s not that season for me, but it will be one day.
I want to learn how to cook Indian food. From shopping to preparing. Sure, I can watch videos or read cookbooks. But I want hands on teaching!
Look at your local community college. I just saw mine has one for Indian street food.
I am an indian , living in India and following CJO for the last decade. I am 50+ and an empty nester. So have a lot of time on my hands. I love digging deeper into the why’s of the Indian culture ..and there is so much science behind every thing we do. I would love to help you figure out 1-0-1 ‘s of indian cooking Beth..if you are interested. I dont want to charge anything incase you are wondering , just sharing what I know :)
Hi Beth, Your comment got me excited and I just created a reddit community !! https://www.reddit.com/r/IndianFood4NonIndians/s/0jeaJnyJv5
Anjali, you’re so cool!
I have just taken delivery of a glockenspiel for my daughter and am now really tempted to learn it myself after reading all these comments. Watch this space!!
I want to grow vegetables in my backyard! My friend Britt (fellow CoJ reader!) is such an avid gardener and has inspired me. I tried to grow veggies this summer but the heat dome killed everything…OR SO I THOUGHT. I went to move my garden beds this weekend to a shadier spot, and lo and behold, a lone kale sprout peeked out from the dirt, giving me hope. Nothing is going to stop me now!!
Once my kids reached elementary school, and post-COVID, I found I finally had time and energy to apply to learning something new (like so many other inspired, later-in-life friends here.) Since winters here in Wisconsin are long, I would kick off a new learning spree sometime in winter and carry it on for at least a year before kicking off something else. Year 1: Knitting. Love it and still do it. Working on sweater #3. Year 2: Cross-country skiing. Have mixed feelings about it, but I invested in skis and boots and poles so I’m determined to continue it if for no other reason than to get my money’s worth. Year 3: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I cannot recommend Gracie’s Women Empowered Class enough. Year 4: Still figuring it out! There’s a pottery studio 2 blocks from my house so I’m considering taking up pottery. Or maybe brushing up on my Spanish. But I can only pick one thing at a time for my own sanity! Learn on, learners!
For my fortieth birthday I wrote a list of 40 things to learn before I turned 41. It was an incredible year. The one rule was “no sports” but otherwise anything was game. I did everything on my list (aside from not mastering juggling although I tried very hard I just could not). Some of the things were: Memorize a famous poem Learn all the words to ‘Barrett’s Privateers’ Learn how to do orienteering Play a song on the harmonica Learn all the Canadian provincial and territorial flowers Learn to identify three maple leaves Learn to make macarons Cable knit Weave a basket Carve a spoon Change with winter tires Make sea salt Learn three knots, what they’re good for and how to tie them And there were many more! It was such an incredible project, and kept my life so interesting for a year. People were so interested in my progress and so many other folks have made their own lists after hearing about mine! Now that I’m finished the list I have a side list of things to learn (grow Mushrooms, make a Celtic knot…) that I have when I’m feeling restless and need to spice up my days. Learning is the best!
Oh I love this! I turn 50 in a month (and a day). I’m going to make my list. xo
Turning 30 soon and I think I’m going to do this – thanks, Angela!!
I love this! I was just thinking how I could celebrate my 50th year and now I am off writing my list of smaller and bigger ideas: having one fool-proof delicious cake recipe, basic sentences in Turkish, carving, one new board game, finding a screen-free activity while commuting in very packed trains (any ideas?). I met a woman during a year abroad who picked one skill to learn at the beginning of every new year (it was Tarot the year we met and dancing the year before) – and I really want to adop that idea as well. Learning how to follow a sewing pattern from start to finish and not going off, doing my own thing halfway through and ending up with something unwearable is one of my first goals.
My almost-4-year-old is going through a huge tantrum phase, and I am trying to learn to parent differently from my mom, but I could use some help. When I was little and had big tantrums, I would scream, my mom would scream, and I remember how much worse that made me feel. Now that I’m a mom, my biggest accomplishment is that I don’t yell often (in the past 3 months, I’ve only yelled twice. That’s not something you can really brag about in polite society, but I’m proud of myself!). I’m trying to follow all the good parenting advice I’ve heard: wait out tantrums rather than trying to intervene, hold firm boundaries in a kind way, ask your child if they need space or a hug and do that, through the normal course of the day, give them undivided attention even just for 10 minutes so they feel connected to you. Even with doing all this, the past week has been relentless, and I wonder if there’s something I should be doing differently. Last night he had such a huge tantrum over not wanting to go to the bathroom before bed that my house looks like a tornado tore through it. He did finally go to the bathroom, but by then, it was so late that I didn’t want to clean up, I just wanted to sleep. This morning between getting up and getting to school, he had like five huge tantrums over tiny things (like a broken granola bar). Have any of you gone through this, and did you find something that helped?
One and Only – I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that. You sound like you’re doing all the right things. I am curious how long this phase has been happening and if there’s anything that might have set it off. If it hasn’t been too long (a week or two?) continuing with what you’re doing for another few weeks might be what he needs to move through whatever this is (if you can handle that!). If it’s been longer, I might want to reach out to a professional or someone else who knows him and whose early childhood values align with yours. Does he go to preschool/daycare at all? If so, I’d also be curious to know if he’s having the same trouble there as at home, and if they have techniques that might help. I know I would want to call in ALL the reinforcements at my disposal just to navigate a few days of this. Giant congratulations on not yelling! That’s a huge accomplishment!
I struggled greatly with this same thing (and still do at times with my two daughters who are now teenagers!) First of all, yes, you should be proud of yourself for trying to break that cycle of yelling. It’s not easy! Those moments are so challenging and really call us to dig into a part of ourselves that we may not have fully developed yet. So be easy on yourself, and continue to count your wins I don’t have any easy answers for you, but I have found a sense of support in this endeavor Good Inside app. Having worked in a Waldorf kindergarten, I can see how beautifully a sense of structure and predictability provide a sense of safety and comfort to little ones who really need it. By nature, I am a fly by the seat of my pants, kind of person, and I think, in hindsight that my lack of structure as a parent contributed to some of my daughter‘s tantrums. That’s not to say that structure will prevent all tantrums! I’ve also been studying the nervous system in general and my own for a few decades, now as a meditation and yoga teacher, and I can see that all of these meltdowns (mine and theirs) are a result of a nervous system that is dysregulated. Again, I do not have an easy answer, but I have experienced that meditation and dealing with my own stuff and all the various ways have definitely helped. If I could go back and change one thing, it would be to ask for more help and support when my kids were a little. It really does take a village, and the more I’ve leaned into being vulnerable and asking for help the better it’s been. Wishing you all the best and cheering you on from afar. It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job, so keep it up and don’t be too hard on yourself! You deserve the same space and compassion. You are attempting to give your little one. ❤️
Congrats on not yelling! I totally get it. I grew up with yelling and spanking, and having to re-learn parenting was hard. Resources like Big Little Feelings and Good Inside really helped. Have you considered if your child is neurodivergent? Our first was like this – age 4 is when it really came out. Kindergarten (at a young age 5) is when it particularly clicked that we needed additional support. Maybe rather than what seems like an angry tantrum, it’s really a meltdown from burnout. My kid destroyed rooms at that age, too. Especially if this 4yo is your first/oldest, you may not have comparisons/perspective yet. It was night and day when our second kid entered the same age of 4 and wasn’t melting down at everything. “Wow, this is what it’s like for everyone else. EASIER.” Strategies are legitimately different with ND kids and there are great resources for ADHD and Autism parents. I *think* I now have enough life experience to be able to say that five “huge tantrums” in one morning is not neurotypical, and really hope you can find support. Hugs for all your efforts to figure it out!
I just want to say, so much of this comment resonated with me. I grew up with a family of yellers, and became one myself. So I am really proud of you for only yelling twice in three months, I would be proud of myself if I could only yell twice in three days. Three months is so incredible. I don;t have a lot of advice since I have a four year old who tantrums and I struggle with yelling so much ( I am in therapy trying to learn how to be a good mom) but I jsut watned to say I was proud of you. Trying to be the mom, and parent, that I never had has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. the bedrocks of parenting for me are in direct opposition to everything I endured as a child, and thats so hard in a world where people talk about calling their mom and depenidng on their mom for everything. Anyway, just proud of you as one mom to another. Also, when I am at the end of my rope with my four year old, sometimes I just tell her the truth, that mama is gonna walk in the other room to take a breath so I can calm down, but I am here if she needs me
Emily, thank you so much for your reply. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. It’s exactly how I feel. I’m proud of you, too. Any time you go to take deep breaths in another room is a win. Any time you *notice* you are yelling is a win. And you’re going to therapy?! Sending you a giant hug and trophy.
Thank you, thank you for all the advice and ideas! I’m going to check out more from Good Inside and Big Little Feelings, check in with his pre-school, and talk to my partner about how we can improve our routines. My kiddo seems to HATE routines, so it’s really hard to stick with them, but I will try. The past couple of weeks have been full of big changes, so I’m hoping that’s part of the problem, but I’m also keeping the possibility of neurodivergence in the back of my mind. Thanks again!
I haven’t experienced anything to this degree with my 2.5yo, but still found Enquiryco masterclass on tantrums really helpful (though a lot of what you’re trying aligns with her approach). I’m trying not to yell too and apologize immediately when I do <3
Since I semi-retired I’ve been drawing more. I got super brave and found a bookstore that does exhibits. My stuff was up for a couple weeks. People left amazing notes for me. And I sold some!! My work is hanging in strangers’ houses!!
Mary, I love this. You just made my day sharing this. Keep drawing and exploring!
This is awesome, Mary! Don’t ask, don’t get. And, Theo of Golden vibes :)
A year and a half into my five-year old’s weekly piano lessons, inspiration struck and I picked up her primer book. I started busting out some nursery rhyme songs – Humpty Dumpty, Mary Had a Little Lamb, Twinkle Twinkle. At my daughter’s next lesson I asked her teacher if I could show her something, and wowed her with my take on “Hot Cross Buns.” She said, “Hell yeah, Kayla” and that was all I needed to tack a half hour lesson block for MYSELF onto the end of my daughter’s lesson. I had taken lessons as a kid, but never got very far. Let me say, it’s 100x more fun to relearn as an adult. Somehow there is no pressure! After a stressful work call I will come upstairs and practice for a few minutes as a way to decompress. I didn’t know I needed this in my life but I’m so glad that I found it.
Hell yeah, Kayla! :)
I love this! Hell yeah Kayla!
I’m a teacher by trade, and I’m back in school! Last year, there were rumblings that there would be a dean of students position opening up at our high school. To say I was interested would be an understatement, but I didn’t have the degree for such a job — it requires an educational leadership master’s. Even though the job didn’t end up coming to fruition, I took it as a sign that it was time to get the degree. So! I’m back in school, while I’m still teaching full-time. It’s A LOT because we also have two little kids at home, but I’m getting through it. (Ask me again how I’m feeling in May.)
So impressive! Good for you.
You’re so inspirational to me, ivy! Go you!
That’s so great! Good luck!
Quiero aprender a espanol. My family and I moved to Spain in August, and while I took Spanish in high school 35 years ago, es no bueno ahora. I’m going to register for an intensive course that meets 20 hours per week from October to May… Fingers crossed!
Mucha suerte, Adrienne!!
Dale!! :)
Go for it, Janelle! I started ‘cello lessons again just as we came out of COVID and my weekly lessons were a delight until we moved out of the area. I’m playing above the level I was when I stopped lessons when I went to uni. Playing is something I do just for me, I’m not in a group or orchestra, I don’t particularly want an audience, but it fills my cup and uses a totally different part of my brain.
I’m learning how to reupholster an armchair that we’ve had for 15 years. Pets and people have loved it well and after getting an estimate for A LOT of money, I’ve decided to give it a go myself. It’s taken months, but I’m almost done, and it actually looks good! Not amazing, but good enough that I’ll try again with another piece.
I started re-learning piano at 36 years old after a 22 year break! I take lessons and practice as much as I can, and let me tell you the JOY I feel learning this instrument again!! The first song I (re)learned was Linus and Lucy! I even perform in the spring recital with all the children and the one other adult student. :) This year I’ve been learning how to row! I joined a sculling quad and we have a regatta coming up in just four weeks. Rowing is very technical and challenging, and I am really enjoying learning all of the little finicky aspects of a good stroke. One thing I am proud of is that now, as an adult, I am much more comfortable being a beginner at something. I didn’t have the patience for that in my younger years and it kept me from giving things a real try. Over the next year, I’d like to brush up on my grammar skills! I think that knowledge has gotten rustier the further away I’ve gotten from college and writing has always been important to me.
I just started paddling with the local dragon boat team this April and it has been a game changer. The stroke is more complex than I thought, it’s a more whole-body movement than I thought, the rhythm of the whole boat (up to 20 paddlers) can be so mesmerizing, and being out on a local river for practices is such a gift. Plus I’ve met this whole wonderfully diverse group of women and I’m starting to get involved with other activities through them. I had no idea all that would come from joining up.
Sewing! I wanted to learn this new skill in 2026 and took a group class in February, then a one on one class with a friend in April. We made a pair of shorts. Now I’m slowly doing projects here and there. I’m not great, but it’s a fun challenge.
I cannot recommend the online sewing community enough to people who are wanting to learn to sew. There is a stupefying amount of technical knowledge loving doled out with comprehensive explanation and illustration in blogs and instagram and reddit and niche sewing forums. The real treasure is the warmth and generosity of the people who are always eager to offer a technique or tip, or (arguably more importantly) to gush over someone else’s makes, and delight in their process and the choices they made along the way. There is just nothing like the support of a wholehearted community dedicated to the love of a technical skill.
I have been a sewist since childhood. I was hesitant to merge my sewing life with online activities. I have solid skills, but they are not perfect from a technical perspective. I was so pleasantly surprised to find that the online sewing communities are overwhelmingly supportive and complimentary. If only for tailoring your own clothing and making simple gifts – learn it (it is a really forgiving hobby actually). You will have the best Halloween costumes ;)
One of the best things I’ve ever found on YouTube – free ‘sew along with me’ videos! Let’s say you want to make your husband a purple fitted jumpsuit so he can be The Jesus from Lebowski for Halloween. You go onto YouTube, search for ‘sew along with me men’s jumpsuit pattern’ – then pick your jumpsuit, order the paper pattern in the correct size, and you’re off! A lot of the big pattern houses (Simplicity, McCall’s etc) have reissued vintage patterns with modern fabric suggestions and fits, and they’re incredible. You can do it! My husband’s amazing jumpsuit agrees!
I am taking an ASL class this fall. One of my closest friends has two deaf children, and they are very much a part of our community. I want to be able to welcome them into my home in the language they best understand. While the older child has cochlear implants, I see her struggle in a group at times. The baby will eventually have them too, but technology has limitations. I want to be able to speak to their hearts as they grow. My son is 3 and is so proud and excited that I am going to learn. My hope is that he learns with me.
Oh, Erin, your comment made me cry happy tears. Thank you for doing this and for sharing it with us.
I started throwing pottery on the wheel the year I turned 50 as I was determined to get back to “making” now that I was an empty nester. It’s been almost two years and it’s a humbling addiction to be sure. A fellow potter (25+ years my junior) shared a quote with me from her therapist that resonated, “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” I’ve experienced many uncomfortable moments in the past two years (learning mahjong, trying my hand at hand building, joining a hiking group and tackling the coolest hikes in the Upstate SC) but it has been so incredibly rewarding. My next challenge is learning to play the ukulele…it can’t be too different than playing the violin 40 years ago, right? ;)
Hi Karen – you might try the mandolin. It’s tuned the same as a violin, so gives us ex-violinists a leg up!
I want to SO badly try making mosaic art and paint a mural in my house! super ambitious but I think this would feed a very starving part of my soul that NEEDS something creative
I’m learning French to keep up with my 3 year old! We’re American but live in Paris, so my daughter is bilingual. I want to keep learning so I can keep up with her as her language progresses. I’m intermediate now, and it’s been a long process to get here. I’m trying to remember to be proud about how far I’ve come while staying motivated to keep going.
Do it!! I am re-learning piano as a 37 year old mum and I absolutely adore it. My kids have started to play (just having a bash) too and it soothes us all. Getting lessons at my local church is such a fun fortnightly ritual.
I quit figure skating when I was around 11 years old. I recently took it up again at the age of 37! It is so fun, I can go at my own pace with my coach, and everyone expects you to kind of suck anyway. It is so freeing being this age where you really don’t care you’re just having fun learning!!
I relocated overseas and my employment options have changed. I have professional skills that I can charge money for, and it’s my best bet for earning an income, but it involves me running my own business. I have never wanted to run a business, and I still don’t want to run a business, but I need to run a business, so I am learning to make a business plan, market myself, engage an accountant to handle the US/overseas tax interplay, figure out cybersecurity, settle on a professional-grade email solution, etc etc etc. It’s all doable, and it’s all daunting.
Omg Michele I am so proud of you and in awe of you!
Michelle, this is amazing! Well done. I can relate – I have started freelancing alongside my day job to bring in more money and last week I made my first-ever invoice and sent it off! Is this a life skill I am delighted to have acquired? No. But it is a necessary one, and I still felt pretty proud of myself!
This year I mastered pasta! I thought making pasta would be a fun thing to do on the weekend with my 5yo. The first few times were a lot of effort and mess and the results were meh. By the third time I had gotten the hang of it and by the fifth it was *mwah* chef’s kiss! It’s really not that hard, it’s a lot easier than making bread (no yeast!) and rolling out the sheets with my pasta machine is both fun and satisfying. It was nice to learn something new this year; especially something I can share with my hungry loved ones.
I love making fresh pasta! It makes the simplest sauces sing. And you’re right, isn’t that hard. I use the KitchenAid attachment, and it’s been rolling and slicing fresh pasta for us for decades now. We actually bring it to our parents’ houses so we can make fresh pasta there too. I’ve been covetting a grain mill, so I can make my own flour. For the pasta!
I love this! I am always happiest when learning and so last year I took the plunge and enrolled in a Clinical Canine Behaviour diploma! I’m secretly hoping this might be a new career, but even if not I’m learning so much – there was a whole unit on neuroscience that blew my mind! – and I’m sooooo far out of my comfort zone having only been a dog owner for 18 months. It’s the best!
I want to learn how to DJ, drum, sew, and master more recipes so I can host a casual dinner party. I’d also love to learn how to juggle and play chess!
This is such a great post, affirming and inspiring! After watching Rajiv Surrendra on YT, and his beautiful penmanship, AND remembering at the same time how much I miss writing with a good pen on nice paper, I am going to take a class on the Palmer method of American cursive. As a lefty, born well before computers, I used to spend a huge amount of time writing things down, all kinds of things. I realize that my (gracefully) aging mind really needs that actual physical mind/hand tactile connection to think better. So excited! Also, just started an Adult Beginners Jazz Dance Bootcamp, for 4 weeks, at my daughter’s old Ballet school…and let me tell you, the mind body connection THAT requires is something I have also been missing! Just had my first lesson, and it was…humorous. but for everyone, not just me! Best thing – as I was leaving, my now 13 yr old girl said to me, “Ok, have fun, come straight home. Do you have your phone? Oh, and Mom. Make some new friends!” Readers, I NEARLY DIED. that is the speech I have been giving her. For ages!!!
That’s so sweet :)
I’ve been learning to sew and tailor clothes and my goal this year has been to sew and fit a pair of real pants (not elastic waist) and I haven’t done it yet, but I still have time! I’ve sewn a lot of other clothes for myself and family and my kids toys and it’s been so much fun and I’ve learned so many new to me techniques.