Have a Lovely (Long) Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Anton’s second cousin Jimmy is visiting, so we are heading to my friend Sharon’s house in Connecticut to do cannonballs in her pool. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
The trailer for Sharon Horgan’s new show looks great.
How gorgeous are the dahlias in San Francisco? (NYTimes gift link)
I asked my friend why her skin has looked so glowy, and she sent me the link to this peptide serum (bonus: it’s currently 25% off).
There’s no place like group chats. “Someone is having a baby. Someone’s dear friend dies. Someone cooked a meal. Someone got a new pair of shoes. Someone is watching a new show that ‘you all should really check out so I have someone else to talk about it with.’ Someone is carrying a child out of the hospital after a toy-swallowing incident, and the once terrifying story becomes at least a little bit funny in the end, if we’re lucky.” (New Yorker)
A woman who drives a bus for dogs. “Some have a favorite seat on the bus. One poodle has a meltdown if another dog is in her pod on the front row.”
How dreamy are these reading chairs: oxblood, bouclé, and sheepskin. (All on sale.)
Remembering Gloria Steinem: “Whenever anyone thanked her for changing the world, she waved it off. Look around, not up, she liked to say of heroes. We build solidarity side to side.”
Eight things women are wearing in Copenhagen that I’d love to steal. (Big Salad)
Plus, four of the best sales this weekend:
* Our favorite mattresses are 30% off. We have these on every bed in our house.
* I packed these jeans and these pants on every trip this summer. AYR is up to 60% off.
* Ruggable is up to 30% off. I’ve had my eye on this for our dining room.
* Activewear at Fabletics is 80% off (!). This fleece looks cozy for fall walks.
And two reader comments:
Says Sarah B. on what did you do this weekend: “I love to wear a little headscarf, and people always say to me, ‘I could never pull it off!’ Here’s my secret: No one thinks they can pull anything off the first time they do it. I felt very stupid and self-conscious the first time I wore a little headscarf! Every time you wear something outside of your norm, you have to be a little brave, but then it’s great. It’s just a scarf on your head, it’s cute.”
Says Anna on do you ever read while walking: “One evening, I, a middle-aged woman, was walking through the quiet streets of my neighborhood reading a library book. I looked up to avoid an oncoming walker and met the eyes of another middle-aged woman, looking up from her library book so as not to run into me. We both grinned and instinctively tapped our books together in a sort of literary cheers, then walked on in our opposite directions without saying a word.”
(Photo by Leslie Cross/Unsplash.)
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Comments
144 commentsI have an identical twin sister and it makes me laugh that she thinks she cannot pull off wearing a baseball hat casually, because I do it like, all the time. I guess it goes to show it’s in your head that you can’t “pull something off.”
I love reading this weekly round up. I have read it, religiously, for years. I am frustrated, when one of the links, sends me to a ‘for paid subscribers only’ page. This week it was what women are wearing in Copenhagen. I would much prefer that we could read it with out paying for it
yes, we do that only for our newsletter big salad, since it’s a reader supported publication. that’s how we pay our designer and full-time editor. hope that makes sense! we also share a number of gift links every month. thank you! joannaxoxo
That’s Big Salad, their Substack. Also an excellent read, but this whole blog is free!
So you’ve enjoyed years of free content and want more free stuff? I don’t subscribe to Big Salad but I understand the concept of paying for something if I want it.
If you’ve read it religiously for years, then you should know that Big Salad is her Substack that is for paid subscribers. By the way, this helps support all the 100% free posts this website gives you 24/7.
I’m so curious as to why Jimmy is always referred to as Anton’s cousin. Is he not Toby’s cousin as well?
oh, yes, of course! they’re all second cousins. but both times he has visited, he’s come to hang out with anton (they’re closer in age) while toby’s been traveling with his dad. so that’s why I mention anton. but yes, all happy cousins :)
Those readers comments are both GOLD! My history teacher at secondary school was known as ‘an absolute legend’ by students. One of his quirks was reading a book while he walked home from school – I often used to spot him while I was on the school bus, and quietly admire him. (I always got too nauseous to walk and read at the same time, or even read on the bus.) Sadly, he died suddenly just a couple months after finally retiring. He was known for his fearsome intellect and wit, but I will always remember him most for his very kind, sincere words of encouragement in my yearbook. As a shy (undiagnosed autistic) teenager, the fact that he had seen me and was cheering me on in his goodbye message was huge, and 18 years later, I still sometimes remind myself of his words when I need a pep talk.
I beg your pardon, the long inseam on those jeans is 29″?? They would be capri pants on me. And the others come in a single inseam of 26.5″. How has sizing not gotten better in the over 3 decades I’ve been alive? I’m only 5’11”, there are women over 6′ now who need pants too.
Preach Kat Preach!! A 30 inch inseam is my absolute minimum length for an ankle pant. 36 inches for a full length pant or bootcut jean. A lot of the brands that had expanded their size ranges to include more plus and tall sizes have begun shrinking their offering back down again over the past year.
They’re crop pants, Kat. Not a personal attack on your height.
Okkkk I’m finally gonna ask because it just happened again… Does anyone else get an advertisement here that sings, “take me home…” and then just cuts off? It startles me every time (and it’s probably happened 100 times over the past few months, HA!)! Now my husband says, “ah, you’re reading Cup of Jo, huh?” when he hears it from the other room. I can’t stealthily scroll anymore!
thank you for sharing, alli! I immediately wrote to our ad network and they said: “Oh yes, nothing should play sound without the user clicking on it. If the reader can grab a screenshot of the ad, or even better, the URL of the ad when you click on it, we will make sure to get it blocked network wide!” if you can email us at hello@cupofjo.com with a screenshot, that would be amazing, thank you!!
I just finished watching my first Chinese drama TV-series: Hidden Love. Now I have to take time to digest and recover, it was a fantastic puppy-love-becomes-actual-love slow-burn, I had so many butterflies while watching! I already watched a lot of K-drama (mostly romance), the best of them also give me butterflies. Asian countries make so many good shows! I started watching Healer with my husband now. Maybe you can write a topic about Asian TV-shows? I’d love to know other readers’ favourites. My favourites are definitely Hidden Love as a C-drama, and for K-drama’s: – Hometown Cha cha cha (my all-time favourite) – Something in the rain – Move to heaven – It’s okay not to be okay – Goblin aka The Great and Lonely God – Alchemy of souls – When life gives you tangerines
I love this!! I am right in the middle of watching Till the tshirt dries on Netflix. It’s j drama. I recommend!
Crash Landing on You is my favorite show ever. I also really like Extraordinary Attorney Woo. Thanks for the other recommendations. Many are on my watch list that I just haven’t started yet.
Watched in Pursuit of Jade with my two 21 year olds. We all loved it.
Hi Inge- you should check out laineygossip.com and she has a substack, The Squawk. She doesn’t only cover C-dramas, but I learn a lot from her!
COJ, I know I can google it myself, however, if you want: I would love a potpourri from all over the world of movies that moved COJ readers in their respective language (with English subtitles :)) What are dear to their hearts movies in Tibet, Ghana, Estonia, Japan, Vietnam, Iceland, Jemen, Somalia etc. I would love to fall into stories I have no clue what will happen. Thank you.
Hi I’m here to tell you to resist the temptation to buy a ruggable. We got one. The corners didn’t lay flat, the velcro thing that you stick it to is a pain, it didn’t even get that clean, and sorry for being a brat- it looked kinda cheap. Like you printed a picture on some fabric and stuck it on the ground. If you have dogs, like ok I get it life is hard, but for the rest of us maybe just get normal rugs and rent a carpet cleaner periodically or pay a service.
Same.
Thank you for that PSA!! The ads are EVERYWHERE
I agree with this. I was just browsing rugs on Quince, as I’ve seen positive reviews about the quality. If I decide to buy and can’t find anything in thrift stores or Homegoods, then I will give Quince a try.
Can confirm all of this – and I have a dog. I got 2 and I hated both of them, I was so excited to move to have an excuse to get rid of them.
We got one of the thicker “premium” ruggables and it looks great, no corner issues, nothing.
Thank you for your service, @Diana Moss. I, too, have been trying to resist the siren call [targeted search] of the The Ruggable, and I needed to see this today.
As a designer, I’d like to gently concur. I know Ruggable offers a product that is budget friendly, but besides being somewhat unlovely up-close, they are non-biodegradable, release microplastics when washed, and leach chemicals over time. If budget is important, I’d recommend looking for flatweave rugs in natural fibers (easy to clean and less expensive than pile) or perhaps sourcing vintage somewhere like Etsy or an estate sale. No judgement on those who choose a Ruggable—we all have tricky choices to make that balance lifestyle and expense with beauty.
We have 3 dogs and live in the rainy PNW and honestly love them for that reason. We buy the all in one versions that don’t have the rug pad and have had an easier time with no more wrinkling since then.
As someone with 4 cats I appreciate wood floors so much. Not a rug in sight in this house. I often think a little kitchen mat would look so cute but every time I succumbed in the past it lasted a couple days and it’s then coated in hair or worse ! Love a wipe -up -messes floor.
PNW GRATEFUL – have you tried a floor cloth? Your floor gets a little protection, color/pattern (if you want) and it wipes clean.
Thank you Vany ! Never heard of these floor cloths !! Just looked them up ! Nice !
Omg can’t wait for this Sharon Horgan show…and all of her amazing outfits. Thanks for the rec!
Me too. I love her playful confidence and great outfits – a bonus. The story looks fun.
She was on the Louis Theroux podcast a while ago and I LOVE HER she is so clever and charming and funny! Well worth a listen xx
Our group chat is too big so I moved it to Discord. I just posted a list of my 35 top books, including everything from On Weaving by Anni Albers to my favorite wizard book as a kid, Diane Duane’s So You Want To Be A Wizard. It was a fun list to put together! A closed Discord is also great for posting kid pictures without them being on the internet and sending each other silly links we can check out in our own time
Love Sarah B’s comment about gaining the confidence to wear a headscarf. I just bought a vintage flower shawl (wool!) from an Etsy seller in Ukraine (incredible. I kept tracking the shipping and it just breezed through the postal system as though there was not a war happening!). It is far outside my usual style, but I love it and wore it to dinner last night. It looks like the shawl Jessica Simpson used to wear in the early aughts, and I’ve just decided that after years of wanting one that I WILL pull it off. And I did!
I have a vintage wool floral scarf that was my late mom’s and there’s a beautiful elderly Russian lady at my church who has the same one. We laugh when we wear them on the same Sunday. They’re so versatile’
Did anyone else see “emotional support tuna melt” and assume the article would have something to do with Heated Rivalry? 😂
Same!!! My mind immediately went to the tuna meltdown scene. Oh Shane and Ilya, I miss them so much.
Only the most romantic tuna melt ever
DUHHHH, was sorely disappointed how can anyone event mention a tuna melt again without a connection to HR?!
Mollly! I’m sorry you are sad and struggling to connect with people. Your comment felt familiar to several of my move experiences. Many people have suggested volunteering which I agree is good for meeting people, finding purpose, and finding some joy. I made friends with the local craft store owner in a town we moved to because I showed up whenever her shop was open and I usually bought something. I asked her about tips for projects and learned she loved Diet Coke from McDonald’s. Then, I started showing up with a Coke every time I stopped by. Soon we became friends and collaborators. I have also always found that invitations to the park, or my house for coffee, or a backyard get-together are great starting points. It takes courage and vulnerability, but friends nearly always result in some form. Someone once invited my family over for the first time shortly after meeting for…leftovers. I knew immediately we’d be friends because she initiated with zero pretense. Also, it just takes time. So, when you feel sad let yourself text, write or call a friend from the before.
Perhaps you could starting a COJ meet up group in your new town- like minded, kind people that you may have similar things in common. Hope you find comfort soon.
Wait Jo I hope I run into you around Guilford this weekend :) we are one town over!
Everyone needs to scroll down in the Dahlia article to the last photo, of the President of the San Francisco Dahlia Society. That man is a VIBE.
I agree with Sarah B! Often when I wear red lipstick women will say to me “you look great in that lipstick, when I try I feel like I look silly.” No, that’s the trick, everybody feels silly, you just DO IT ANYWAY (if you want) and after a few wears you start feeling great and beautiful in the damn lipstick!
We brought our eldest to college today! Hoorays and boo hoos around. Perfect time for a new Sharon Horgan with…Rupert Friend (squee!). He’ll always be Quinn to me.
QUINN! Heartbreak!!
Justice for Quinn!
Where in the SE? I’m in Greenville, SC!
Just a note to say I’ve been missing the social justice / activism posts! Would love to pieces again that reflect current events and how people are helping- was always motivated/moved by these.
Me too!!!
Me too!
Hard agree
Yes, Anna K, I was just thinking the same thing this week! I’ve also noticed the lack of these posts lately and miss them.
A HUGE topic and activity amongst my angry friends has been engaging in local or even hyper-local races before November. Volunteer to walk around and knock on doors, text or phone bank, send postcards, or even be a poll greeter (stand outside at a designated distance and offer to share information with folx as they arrive to vote) Getting INVOLVED is a HUGE way to feel some power right now! (Well, that and continuing to call your electeds to offer opinions on pending legislation or on their recent tirades – depending on the state. As a Missouri constituent, I have also taken up the petty but fulfilling hobby of cyber bullying my electeds with the facts about their past voting histories.)
There are so many things right now that need attention. SO MANY. Immigration. Women. National Parks. “Wars”. Cost of Living. Fair Wages. I dunno. Where do you even start? I’d say the best thing we can do right now is rally and VOTE. Vote like your life depends on it, because for many, it does. If you’re able, help others vote. I love how constituents are coming together in Tarrant County, TX and telling them “You closed 92 polling places, well guess what, we’re going to help people anyway.”
Agree with Jane’s comment about the most important thing we can do right now is rally and vote. I’d add encouraging others to vote and get involved now before the elections is also important. I’m in Michigan and want to rally my friends and neighbors to get more involved in helping get Abdul elected so I made a list of things they can do to support him and other favorite candidates including: 1. Talk to 3 people about their candidate and make sure they have a plan to vote 2. Share information about early voting dates. 3. Put a candidate sign in their yard 4. Follow their candidate on social media and like and share their posts 5. Donate to campaigns 6. Canvass by door knocking 7. Canvass through Indivisible’s Neighbor to Neighbor program (same as door knocking, but you input your address and they give you 10 people that are your neighbors you can talk to and share info with) 8. Phone bank 9. Join a Visibility Brigade to help get big messages out on overpasses 10. Join a No Kings Early Voting event on 10/17
That trailer made my night. Excited for it. I love Sharon so much.
I’m going to be in New York next weekend for a casual but celebratory weekend, and for a lot of complicated reasons I am traveling and do not have fall clothing with me—only very summer coastal type clothes. It has been a long couple of months and this conundrum is not for fun reasons. Does anyone have a rec for a fun bag that would be easy to carry? Maybe a cross body or tote big enough for a water bottle that isn’t the same bag everyone has? I want something that will brighten up what will end up being a collection of super basic outfits!
Check out Baggu!
I’m sorry it’s complicated but hope you enjoy your time in New York! I love Cotopaxi – so colorful! they often reuse random leftover bits of fabric to form new bags so you can also be surprised by what you get.
Ooh, for bold color options and coolness that isn’t oversaturated, try Baboon to the Moon! I really like my fanny pack! (I have a mini, but the larger size could probs fit a water bottle!) I’ve gotten tons on compliments, and lots of people saying ‘what’s the brand again?’ which makes me feel ahead of the fashion curve. https://baboontothemoon.com/collections/day-bags/products/fannypack-3l?variant=42701129121863
This is very specific but feel the need to tell you: I impulsively bought a bag at Hightide on LaGuardia Place in NYC that is a crossbody tote bag! It has become my most prized possession. It feels a bit like a soft cottony kangaroo pouch and can carry as little as a wallet, sunglasses or lipstick OR as much as my giant water bottle, my book, the few things I pick up at the market, etc. The bag is made by Yassaman and though they have many designs, mine has fish on it. Hightide is a Japanese stationary store, technically, but they sell all kinds of random cool things.
@Lisa Rubisch Is it this one? https://hightidestoredtla.com/products/packable-shoulder-bag-nahe?variant=45884459942122
@ COJ the comments automatically add the last name of someone from your team that matches the first name of whoever I “@”…lol, fyi. My comment is for the Lisa in the comment thread, not the Lisa Rubisch the comment bot auto-substituted for me. Thank you!
@nia No that’s not the one—here it is–the one I have is shown on Take it Easy Tuesday. Which, I realize, has a bird print–not fish. https://share.google/qjf06lkxA6USlBxXa
Thank you for all these fun ideas! I love that a random airport purchase has become a fav—such a fun surprise.
It was my birthday, so I took the day off work (GLORIOUS choice), went to the coast, hiked up & down cliffs, and went swimming in the ocean. Plus I don’t advertise my birthday, and yet more people than I expected remembered and text me! I was so surprised. Marvelous, all of it.
Hi Mollie! My family moved to our current town 6 years ago, in the fall of 2020–so *nobody* was around lol. Not even out walking their dogs! But after that first year, my daughter started kindergarten at the school up the street and also people started coming out of their houses again. My advice is not to be discouraged by the slow burn. I have a friend here who I’ve been a school-drop-off acquaintance with for five years, and only just this year we are becoming what I would consider “real” friends! There is another couple that my husband and I made friends with and it took about two years from talking at drop-off to actual family friends/going to each other’s houses for dinner. And the biggest and hardest piece of advice is that if you really want this, you will probably have to be the one to go first. The one to smile first, to introduce yourself, to say to the mom in the coffee shop, “Hey, aren’t our kids in the same music class?” It can feel *so* cringey but trust me it’s worth it!
Well if that dog bus story didn’t give me a huge dose of Friday JOY! The image of them all sitting in exhausted silence on the way home cracked me up.
The group chat thing is exactly what I often appreciate about this comment section! Little snapshots of people getting through life. And I am talking to myself on this point, but want to proclaim into the void that I now refuse to buy any online sale items that are labelled “final sale”. Online shoppers can’t try on an item until it arrives at their home and won’t know if it really fits until then. I need to be able to return things that don’t work out well.
I’m dreaming about a midwinter, kid-free vacation. Somewhere warm and not touristy—Send recommendations!
St. John, USVI. Budget: Cinnamon Bay or Concordia Fancy: Lovango Resort or Westin
Ojai!! always a good idea ✨
To Laura and another Laura who attended the Gregory Alan Isakov Red Rocks, CO shows…how amazing was it?
On the excerpt from No Place Like Group Chats – I just sent my scattered friend group a message the other day about The Death of a Pastor’s Wife asking them to watch so we can discuss! Excited to dig into this article later. This weekend is our babymoon! We are staying at a Texas resort within driving distance from home (you know, in case I give birth on the side of the road lol). The weather here is still very much hot enough for swimming and I’m hoping we can find a great steak place and do some thrifting.
She was a writer and her character really shined through her words (like the ones above). In my Post-Parton grief last week, I spent a ton of time watching old video clips of her. In interviews she always had the right words when handling really invasive questions about her body, her looks, her husband, and other personal matters. She was funny and self effacing– but never in a way that gave away her power. I have so much love and respect for her! PS Bette Middler coined “Post Parton” on social media last week, not me.
Ah yes peptide serums. The new wellness grift sweeping the internet.
Plenty of grifts out there but peptides actually have some science behind them. Medik8 in particular uses third party clinical trials and is fairly transparent about that. I’ve used the one linked and their cheaper one and saw noticeable differences in plumpness and evenness of my skin tone from both. I’ve moved on to another brand which I think is even better, and I really only use that + retinoid, vitamin C and sunscreen. Skip peptide serums if you’d like but they do work.
This isn’t wellness. It is beauty.
I hear you, and I too am so tired of it all. Cheers to the radical idea of accepting the way we look.
😂so true
LOL
lol my thoughts exactly
Of course accept the way you look, but taking care of your skin to keep it in top shape is not “extra”. It’s self-care.
My dear husband and two dogs and I are driving 3 hours up to the Beartooth Plateau, where we will back pack to our favorite little lake for the next few days. We’ll day hike to lots of other lakes from there each day. This morning was filled with “is this enough food? Why do I have be no idea how much I eat in a day?” “Is it gonna be cold cold or just cold? It’s not gonna be actually cold cold is it?” “How many balls should we bring for Mo?” “I’ve got my ID” “I’ve got a mouthful of dental work, I guess they’ll ID my body by teeth” Grizzly bears, mountain lions, camping at 10,000 ft, could wake up to snow. I love it so much. My bag is comically huge and heavy but I’ve got titanium hips and a this is fun! attitude (even when it’s most certainly not fun). When we get home Monday, everything will hurt, especially my face from smiling so much. And my heart will be full. Monday is the 5th anniversary of my dear dad’s death, and if there’s one thing I learned from him it’s *might as well do it*. There will come a day when you can’t. So here we go!
Have the best time Sasha! Nothing better!
I think this might be the last weekend of the pig races at the Bear Creek Saloon if you end up leaving the woods.
For the love of God, please do a home tour of this woman. A former Montanan
I also love hiking on my dad’s death anniversary. Have a great one.
I love this for you, sis. Hope you have a hot coffee on a cold morning with the best company and revel in your aliveness.
This is beautiful! I hope you have the best time.
I keep meaning to come back and say, I’m alive!! Ha ha. Bears didn’t get me. We didn’t even see any. I’m ok with that! Man, it was magical. It was just the best trip. I got cold, but I survived. The sun felt so good. Puppy Mo had a blast and our tent survived his exuberance. Andrea, I love that you are a Montana girl too!! My home is really…… lived in. Lol. I love that it’s ours and that my family got to grow up here. That so many children and dogs and hens have been loved here. That we have tiny pumpkins growing in the garden. I really don’t think there would be a single ” Oh I have to know where you got that ______?” And the answer would inevitably be, um, the side of the road? But thank you ❤️
Great ideas, Brianna! Adding one other. Maybe drag your kids to a Democratic club meeting? The one in my town, which is politically mixed, has donuts and lots of snacks and my kids just munch their way through the whole meeting. Also, I go to church mostly for the socializing.
Yay for another Sharon Horgan show!! Love her! Someone once told me I remind them of her. Great compliment!!
Great compliment! She’s amazing. I had no idea she has a new show coming! YAY!!!
Oooo where’s the person from last week who was looking for a cute dress to wear to a wedding at a London restaurant??? Bc she needs this from the ayr sale: https://www.ayr.com/products/the-dolly-1
Oh that is sassy!
I have a story I have been waiting to tell! I live in a small town in Nova Scotia, Canada. Not what you would call a hotbed of celebrity activity. I sell my vegetables at the farmers’ market every Saturday. A couple of weeks ago I was going about my Saturday morning business, bagging up lettuce heads for people, chit chatting about cherry tomatoes, I look up, and who is my next customer but Ethan Hawke! I died and clammed up and managed to get through the transaction being somewhat normal. Had to come here and share. Just so you all know, Ethan Hawke ate lettuce that I grew.
Love this story!!!
This is such a great story!!!! Even without EH, what a lovely life. I hope he enjoyed that lettuce!
Is it me or is it always Ethan Hawke on this site?? Before I got to the end I knew it was gonna be Ethan Hawke! 😂
Jane, how fun! Did you know Ethan Hawke owns property in Nova Scotia? Ever since he filmed Maude. Maybe he will become a regular!
Ooh I love this!! Please let us know if he becomes a repeat customer! (Amrita, I didn’t know he had a place in Nova Scotia! I loved Maude.) Also, hello from British Columbia! 👋😊
Did you know about this previous history?! https://cupofjo.com/2022/05/18/my-friends-embarrassing-run-in-with-ethan-hawke/
My cat is named Ewan McGregor, but my friend got confused and called him Ethan Hawke. I just rolled with it, because somehow, that’s even better.
Love this!! Sounds like you have an amazing home, farm, etc. What a fun story. I still talk about the EH story of the woman who looked at his shirt tag while in the coffee shop. Teeheehee
Ethan Hawke does seem to be a frequent celebrity run in for people! My friend met him on the street in Richmond Va a few years back. He complimented my friend’s sweatshirt 🤣
Joanna and co. I’m bringing my daughters (11 and 13) on their first trip to NYC and would love Toby and Anton’s expert recos. We’ll be based in Times Square for a few days for a dance program for my one kiddo, then heading to Brooklyn, then Montauk on the train for the other kid who loves to surf. They love: food, thrifting, fun bookstores and coffeeshops, swimming. Would be so grateful for your ideas!
Sounds like so much fun! My kids (who are 12 and 13) love walking over the brooklyn bridge for pizza at Grimaldi’s! If either of your kids likes soccer there is a soccer store in Times square with great soccer jerseys.
Have fun, Denise!! In Times Square I recommend: – Los Tacos N. 1 (also in Chelsea Market) – Anita La Mamma del Gelato for the best ice cream in NYC – Theater Circle to shop musical theater souvenirs and books
It’s so nice of you to care about what they want to do! when my niblings visited NYC I forced my agenda upon them… oops! Still had fun though. They loved getting bagels, pizza by the slice and riding the subway. To be honest, you can find either pizza or bagels by searching google maps and seeing what spots near you are highly rated. They are fans of Stranger Things the tv show, and LOVED the Broadway play “Stranger things: the first shadow”. I’d also recommend “The Play that Goes Wrong”. There is also surfing culture at Rockaway Beach, if for some reason your Montauk plans go awry. East Village Vintage Collective is great for thrifting.
We don’t live in New York, but live close enough for day trips. I would second an Anton and Toby recommendations request! Some of our family favorites: Books Are Magic and walk around to see the pretty view and cute buildings. Governor’s Island is so fun to take a ferry, hang out, and good views of the Statue of Liberty. The Tenement Museum and nearby Russ and Daughters or Katz’s is great with kids! We’ve done our own ice cream tour. Pick a neighborhood and map out 4 – 5 ice cream spots to walk around. We shared a scoop at each shop and it helped w the walking motivation!
I love the Daily Provisions location on Amsterdam Avenue. It’s right on the corner, and a great place to people watch while eating a breakfast sandwich and/or cruller. p.s. it’s like a five minute walk to the original Levain, and from there you can go to the park!
Forgive me for the hodgepodginess of my recommendations: Ice Cream: Oddfellows (locations in Brooklyn and Chelsea), Ample Hills (locations in Brooklyn and Manhattan), Morgernstern’s (LES) and Caffe Panna (locations in Brooklyn and Manhattan) Bookstores: Yu and Me Books (a bookstore in Chinatown amplifying Asian and Asian-American writers), Sweet Pickles Bookstore (LES), Words on Warren and Books of Wonder are great children’s bookstores Coffee: Do Not Feed Alligators (apparently they also have a pop up in Montauk), Poetica Cafe (Brooklyn), Qahwah House (my favorite is the Adeni chai) Thrifting: I like Housing Works, and Other People’s Clothing
Near Times Sq, Bibble&Sip for pastries and bubble teas. Their cream puffs are legendary and unusual. Plan to take and go. Plus my kids love their tagline: Bibble&Sip, Where you can BS all you want ;)
L Train Vintage in Williamsburg is a must if they love thrifting. Then you can stop by L’Industrie or Roberta’s for Pizza. Then head to the rooftop of Westlight for snack and mocktails (you might have to make a reservation) for the best views on Brooklyn and Manhattan (I recommend sunset). Hope ya’ll have fun!
You’ll be super close to K-Town from Times Square – plenty of delicious eats, trendy desserts and adorable shops for the teens to choose from! That’s where I would eat the majority of my meals, lol.
Immediately upon reading that you can put the crispy cheese OUTSIDE the tuna melt *in addition* to inside is so fantastic that I immediately got up and made it (with a roll and American cause that’s what I got). Indeed, emotionally supportive.
Mollie, I’ve been here too! I also moved back to the south after years away. It’s been such an adjustment for my fam in many ways, and it can be so hard out there to find your people. To get out there and not get overwhelmed by the bigness and newness of this new-to-us city, we started smaller by making friends with like-minded neighbors and our kids’ classmates’ parents. Eventually, those friends had parties and events, and we’ve made friends of friends that way. We also try to be the place that people want to hang out. People love being invited, even if it’s for snow day chili cookoffs or dog birthday parties (all actual parties we have thrown with zero shame).
Coming to the COJ community for your amazing advice: I moved from New York to a new city in the southeast (my home state but a different town) two years ago with my husband and two daughters (they are now 2.5 and 5). I am still really struggling. I have a bit of grass is greener syndrome and ALWAYS have. I’m trying to work on myself and figure it out. There are also objectively some challenges here (namely, Republicans, and hot weather). We really can’t leave now because my husband switched offices at a big corporation and he’s worked hard to grow the practice down here. I am stuck. I know had we ended up in NJ (our other option) I would have felt equally sad because that seems to be my personality lol. I have made lots and lots of casual acquaintances here, but no close friends, and we haven’t made any family friends where we can all 4 hang out with another family and have a good time. We had that in NYC so I notice the loss greatly. Anyone have advice about how to adjust to an imperfect place?
I’m single and don’t have kids, so take this with a grain of salt. Find something for yourself first – a book club, a mahjong game, a one-off craft class at the library or the yarn store or the community center. The conversation will naturally turn to significant others and/or kids, which might help you find your people. Also, volunteering at your kids’ school(s) can put you in front of other parents.
I understand this so well! I have felt this many times, through many moves. My husband and I talk all the time about what “home” means. The best thing I have found for the sort of envious blues you describe is finding some way to regularly serve in my new place. I don’t want to sound too pollyanna-ish, but it works! Volunteer at a soup kitchen, join a church community, “adopt” a neighborhood family or individual for weekly meals, set a standing date at an animal rescue, etc. For me, this feels very uncomfortable and almost counterproductive at first, and I have had more uncomfortable moments than I ever want to remember, but I’ve found again and again that the best way to build meaningful community is to get out of my own life and try to show up in somebody else’s.
Molly, this sounds really hard, especially with little kids. Brianna’s idea about meeting other parents at school is pure gold. My son (now a sophomore in college) met his friend group in 3rd grade, and we moms in that group have been thick as thieves ever since. These are my ride-or-die, help-you-bury-the-body, loan-me-a-maternity-dress soulmates, and I never expected to find them through my kid’s friends. Your people are there – you just have to find them. Best of luck.
Relocating is hard, even in great cities. I think you’d be surprised to discover how many people around you are quietly feeling the same way. My advice is to invite people into something you enjoy. Keep it simple and repeatable, like a book club, neighborhood walks after dinner, or a bi-monthly game night. Create the community you are looking for!
Mollie, I’ve been here too! I also moved back to the south after years away. It’s been such an adjustment for my fam in many ways, and it can be so hard out there to find your people. To get out there and not get overwhelmed by the bigness and newness of this new-to-us city, we started smaller by making friends with like-minded neighbors and our kids’ classmates’ parents. Eventually, those friends had parties and events, and we’ve made friends of friends that way. We also try to be the place that people want to hang out. People love being invited, even if it’s for snow day chili cookoffs or dog birthday parties (all actual parties we have thrown with zero shame).
I wonder if there’s COJ community where you are! I can’t remember the post but a lot of meet ups happened in cities , maybe during the pandemic?? Maybe there is a group you could join through your local bookstore of similar interests?
I moved A LOT for about 30 years of my life. The knowledge I have to share is twofold. 1. Places always started to feel more like home after about 3 years, never before then. 2. Also, you won’t be able to replicate what you left behind. Don’t waste your time trying to make it so. Create something new. You’ve got this!
Hi Mollie! If you (or your daughters) are interested at all in art, try a ceramics class! In general, ceramics attracts all kinds of people but there is a lot of community and food involved. Many studios are also community minded so do volunteering and fundraisers for local groups. If you find a studio or arts center near you, give it a try! I belong to one here and have made some really good friends. Good luck to you!! PS If you don’t mind, come back and let us know how you’re doing and what worked for you
Well…I’ve lived in the same SE city for 20 years (SO HOT AND HUMID!) and I don’t feel super connected to it, even with my two kids who were born and raised here. I have nice acquaintances, but no close friends that I (or my husband and I) consistently hang out with. I’m not sure what my point is, but I understand where you’re coming from. I love the mountains, and I often dream of moving to a lakeside town and starting over, but I will always be my same socially awkward but well-meaning self there, too. I hope you find your people, Mollie!
Hi, Mollie! We moved a bunch for my husband’s job & it can be so hard, especially with little ones! I’ve found that the friends I’ve made are also transplants. I made one of my best friends when I met her at our kids’ little league game. We made awkward small talk & I found out they’d just moved here the year before. I asked her if she’d been able to make many friends yet…..we’ve been friends ever since then. I can be very awkward & uncomfortable around new people & I’ve learned sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to get where you want to be! I agree that volunteering at school will help you meet people. If you can be at school drop off & pick up, that’ll help too! Seeing the same people often & making small talk can lead to “want to meet up at the park/bakery?” Good luck!!!!
Hi Mollie! My family moved to our current town 6 years ago, in the fall of 2020–so *nobody* was around lol. Not even out walking their dogs! But after that first year, my daughter started kindergarten at the school up the street and also people started coming out of their houses again. My advice is not to be discouraged by the slow burn. I have a friend here who I’ve been a school-drop-off acquaintance with for five years, and only just this year we are becoming what I would consider “real” friends! There is another couple that my husband and I made friends with and it took about two years from talking at drop-off to actual family friends/going to each other’s houses for dinner. And the biggest and hardest piece of advice is that if you really want this, you will probably have to be the one to go first. The one to smile first, to introduce yourself, to say to the mom in the coffee shop, “Hey, aren’t our kids in the same music class?” It can feel *so* cringey but trust me it’s worth it! (whoops I wrote this in the main commenting section first–talk about cringe lol it’s the COJ equivalent of reply all!)
Hi Mollie, would it help to know that my friend’s NYC apartment building has a fly infestation? That my apartment has debris in the bathtub from a rat that clearly has built its home somewhere near the vent above? That the main road near me will have significant construction for the next two years and I am DEFINITELY going to slip on a snow-covered steel plate this winter? Just wanted to you know what’s going on in that green grass here in NYC, in case it helps, lol. All kidding aside, I suffer from the grass is greener effect too. Sometimes it helps to not think in binaries. It’s tempting to think: I had to choose between NJ and where I live now, and maybe I made the wrong choice… it’s actually that you had a LOT of options (including staying where you were, and just having different jobs), and you chose one that was right for the moment. And anyway, this (or the place you would have moved to in NJ) is not likely to be your FOREVER home, because really, nothing is forever, and your situation and your needs are going to keep changing. It’s not really practical feedback, I guess, but I hope it helps!
Hi Mollie! I also moved to a new state ~4.5 years ago and was culturally shell shocked. We have always mainly had acquaintances since getting married and that has been very hard, especially with little ones (ours are now 7&9). So many people in our area have moved here BECAUSE it’s so conservative which was another shock to me, coming from very blue territory (and a very purple heart). One thing I have learned though is that because of my gifts, my friendship is important to others in very specific seasons of their life (it doesn’t always loom the same.m either). When I started looking at what I have to give and offer, it just naturally happened that I stopped thinking about what I could or needed to receive from others. So I looked around me and started with my kids — we homeschool — so I found a group that would be fun for them and have just looked around the group to see where I can be a friend. I hope you find your people and your purpose!! Even if it’s right there in your four walls 💞
Hi Mollie, I went through something very similar moving to Florida. I was feeling so isolated, plus I had a newborn and measles seemed to be popping up everywhere:( It took some work but I’m so lucky to have some really really lovely progressive friends. I wrote about what worked here if you want to scroll through. https://georgiacemd.substack.com/p/making-mom-friends-is-hard?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=lvngo
Mollie, I think I remember you writing about this right in another COJ comment section right before you moved or soon after, and if so, I thought I’d let you know I remember you! And if it wasn’t you, know others are going through the exact same thing! you are seen and known. I moved six years ago (no kiddos, though) and haven’t made many friends and it’s SO hard not to make a sad story out of it. Do your best to reject a story about yourself, about other people, about the town you are in, and be as open and curious as possible, like a tourist, as much as you can. I like the idea of volunteering and I *should* do that to help myself make friends…. we can do this!
Oiy, I can so relate after moving tons for the past 35 years for my husband’s work. Even after moving back to our homestate, making new friends as an adult is so tough. I have not mastered it but joining a pottery studio and orchestra at least gets me out of the house and around people with similar interests. I also go to all my Democratic party meetings for the same reason. No new BFFs yet, but o don’t feel so isolated… funnily, I always thought that if I’d had children it may have been easier (meeting other parents etc. but I think I’m just a bit socially insecure and would struggle no matter what). For me, just being *around* similar people has helped a lot. My BFFs app live in other states and I am the initiator for our annual gatherings. I get a lot from those few days/year we spend together. It *almost* scratches the itch. I did recently invite a pottery pal for lunch and it went really well. I was so proud of myself for reaching out to her. It took me almost a year to muster up my courage. I agree with an other poster that it takes at least 3 years to start to feel at home somewhere.
See anyone near you in this post? cupofjo.com/2022/01/26/how-to-make-friends-this-coj-reader-organized-a-walk-in-portland
What about Minneapolis? I feel a bit guilty for saying this because Minneapolis has been through it this past year, but me, my husband, and my preschool-aged kids have been frozen out time and again. People have literally looked right through us. This is a wonderful area except for being snubbed time and again, all because we didn’t play T-ball here growing up.
@Millie, I do know what you mean, as someone who was transplanted as a kid to a third-ring Twin Cities suburb. At the same time I know there are tons of transplants, immigrants, and just truly nice people in Minneapolis. I hope you keep trying (maybe in different spaces?)
Knowing you would be equally unhappy in other scenario’s you’ve got to reprogram your brain. I’ve done it so know that it is doable. I know you can do it too. Every time you feel “the pain”, first validate your pain. (“I miss having friends here”, for example.) BUT THEN: say a positive reversal of what you are experiencing and look for a way to believe it: (I could meet a friendly family who also wish they had friends; I could keep my eyes open for that.). That is the reprogram and yes, it’s a bit of work. You may not believe it and may also feel foolish at first, saying something you do not see possible, but if you continue to open yourself to the possibility or option of a new perspective, that could lead to a new reality. Then eventually you will believe little truths. And that’s when you begin to accept and find whatever IS good about where you are. Not necessarily better than what you miss, but the BEST of what is right where you find yourself. You must live your life where you are until it changes. The other option is you or your husband look for an even better job/location where you might be happier. But either way, it sounds like a reprogram of the negativity is crucial. You can do it.
Millie- I grew up in MN and my friend’s dad who was from out of state would always lament the fact that it’s hard to make MN friends. There’s MN nice & MN ice. They’ll give you directions to anywhere but their house….that’s what I heard. I moved back briefly as an adult & made 2 friends before covid…neither from MN. There are always exceptions but MN is tough to break into even if you grew up there.