Have a Cozy Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? We are knocking around the neighborhood — maybe card games on the stoop, maybe a boys’ sleepover. And I’m planning to clean out some closets, which is always meditative and satisfying, don’t you think? Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
A conflict expert suggests reframing conflict as an investment in your partner. “We tend to think of conflict as antagonistic, but conflict can actually be incredibly prosocial. So, very simply, it’s checking in and saying, Do I care about this relationship? And counterintuitively, if I do, let me get in there.” (NYTimes gift link)
I wore this shirt on repeat while traveling in Scandinavia. (Photo evidence here.)
The frustrating thing about Swedes, according to Will Ferrell, hahaha.
Mothers share their texts and google searches from their darkest days — such an intimate snapshot of postpartum anxiety and depression. (Marie Claire)
Do or don’t: salad on the same plate as dinner.
Remember this classic sweater? It’s back with a twist.
Films and books about finding beauty in everyday moments. “Of course, most films and books are interested in ordinary moments…but the films I share below luxuriate in the small things with more ceremony… they’re celebrated with a quiet, tender warmth that seems to say, this matters.”
Curious: Have you ever tried an all-in-one hair tool? My beauty friends swear by them.
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library mails a free book every month to any enrolled child, from birth through age five: “At the time of her death, the Imagination Library had expanded to mail 270 million books to children in five countries.” In lieu of flowers, her family is asking people to consider donating. xoxo
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Mel on four fun things: “I’m in the squishy phase of summer where I just want flowy dresses and oversized tees. A few years ago, I started buying all my shorts one size up and gosh darnit if that wasn’t one of the best choices ever.”
Says Katie on an ode to middle school: “My friend and I once skipped a day of school to go skiing. We were eating lunch in the lodge when, lo and behold, who did we see but our three science teachers, who had clearly skipped school as well! We all made eye contact, they nodded and kept it moving. None of us said anything the next day in class. I still laugh about that.”
(Photo by Alvara Lavin/Stocksy.)
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Comments
106 commentsThe postpartum article had me go back to my notes app where I completely forgot I kept an almost daily log for a couple of weeks. Some scary and depressing notes, some really lovely, and one that simply said “babies are evil.”
I love the film article– what a wonderful resource! It made me laugh though. Earlier this summer, as I am still recovering from a long illness, I got myself outside (a win!) and was able to sit and enjoy the summer breezes. I started having what I ended up calling “Miyazaki Moments” where I would just sit and watch a slow nature moment for a spell and really put all my focus into it (though softly, not intensely). Maybe the sound and dappled light of the breeze through the tall trees behind the barn or the drifting fall of a dandelion seed through the air. They reminded me of those numerous moments in his films where, after a dramatic or a silly scene, you are suddenly watching a snail ooze up a stem.
As I think about this more, I realize these “Miyazaki Moments” help to enrich my life, which has gotten smaller because of illness. And, they give me some respite from the ongoing rumination and worry about health. The more I look for these or be still and let them find me, the better I feel.
I’m so grateful MN has state-funded early childhood family education programming (ECFE) for new parents. Every week, I was able to get out of the house and meet other new parents who were in those groggy trenches with me. I can’t imagine going through the post-partum period without that camaraderie. I wish all states offered the same. https://commed.spps.org/early-childhood-family-education-ecfe/frequently-asked-questions
That post partum article unlocked some dark, repressed memories for me. I remember googling “Does it ever get better with a newborn?” when my son was maybe two weeks old. He was born in early November, right when it starts to get dark early, and I was so so horribly depressed and anxious and had no idea what I was doing. My husband only took a week off of work (a week!) and to this day he says that is his biggest regret, not understanding how hard it was for me to be alone all day with a baby. I remember not being able to stand the house being dark, and turning on every single light as dusk fell. The sense of dread I felt as the sun went down was immense – I knew that witching hour was coming and I felt so hopeless. I too dreamed of being involved in an accident so that I could get a break in the hospital. I never thought of harming myself or my baby, but the absolute drive to escape, to get out of there and never come back, was very very real. The other day we were watching The Office, when Jim and Pam have the baby and they are struggling with breastfeeding and sleep, and it made me so uncomfortable and sad and full of dread. And my kids are now 13 and 8!
Oh Jennifer that 4pm dread. I can still feel it viscerally. I had my daughter January 8th and live in Chicago, so during the winter it is routinely dark by 4:30-4:45. My husband works nights so by the time 4pm rolled around I’d just be sick to my stomach awaiting the impending darkness and being alone at night with a 3-week old. I had some periods of very dark intrusive thoughts and credit 20mg of Lexapro for doing a lot of heavy lifting during that time. It is honestly still hard for me to look at photos from those early weeks because it takes me back to that place mentally. Women are incredible.
Oh yes– that dread as the sun goes down! And my first child was born in early December… we had a lot of early dark nights through the newborn phase, too. And, yes, WTF with husbands getting such a short time off work. Ridiculous! I’m sure in Sweden, things are better… :-)
I feel so much for you but (have not had children so bear with me!), I have to ask everyone experiencing this: isn’t a babysitter worth whatever it costs for good 6 hours of sanity even once or twice a month? (I would say weekly if financially possible)
A lovely recent release about finding beauty in everyday moments is Jen Shoop’s ‘Small Wonders: A Field Guide to Life’s Quiet Joys.’ https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/239679990-small-wonders
I wrote a desperate, 1:30 AM email to my now ex-husband when my daughter was 6 days old and I was struggling to breastfeed. He was abusive and just a complete scumbag, which I was blind to at the time, and I was taking care of the baby entirely alone. The email details all the impossibly conflicting things I had to do to try to get her to latch, pump, feed her, and do exercises recommended by a lactation consultant because of her tongue tie. Even if I’d had a supportive husband, it still would’ve been so, so, so much. Ugh. Here’s the last few lines: Long story short – I love you and you are a great husband and father – you have been so great so far but I think I maybe I haven’t been communicating my needs specifically – I am so happy with the baby but I am so overwhelmed – I need your help with domestic stuff, baby care during the day – please help me Just needed to put this sad little missive out there. New moms reading this, potentially in a similar situation (when abuse in relationships often shifts and escalates): your husband is supposed to be perhaps a little clueless, but definitely not useless, and definitely on the same team as you.
Silly detail question, but can you tell us why the AYR shirt is worth $165? I’m not trying to ask passive aggressively. I’m just not sure what details makes it worth more than other reliable button down brands — and would be very interested! I trust CupofJo recs so wholeheartedly, but paying 50-100 more makes me wonder — what’s the difference?
thanks for your note, Lo! I think it’s all in the details — I’ve had this shirt for 2-3 years now and it still feels brand new. no threads coming out, definitely not losing its shape, nice thick (without being hot) cotton, a really beautiful blue. even the collar still feels new. I wear shirts TO DEATH — like, I probably wear this shirt 2x week every week, then wash — so long-lasting design and material really makes a difference.
Sorry to come late to your comment. I was gifted a couple AYR items from my mother and unfortunately they are my favorite clothes and have lasted years. They hang well and are well-made, and as far as I can tell, made in the US in small batches. But I agree, the prices are jaw-dropping. You might have luck on second-hand sites.
It’s 100% cotton oxford, which is a stronger weave, and it’s milled in Italy. That contributes to the price as this is not an average, cheap cotton/polyester blend.
Goodness, the article you shared about post partum experiences hit me in the stomach and broke my heart. It is a masterpiece of evidence that we need a better system for the journey of motherhood. Personal support systems shouldn’t be the expected, it should be in addition to more maternal care post birth. I am three months post partum with baby boy number three, had a-typical birth experiences with all, NICU stays, two c sections. I have found myself just as lost and unsure this time around as I did with baby boy number one, even when I was prepared for all that was to come with the 2nd and 3rd. With the normal baby worries, the unique baby worries, the personal worries. Etc.
Both articles- on conflict and on post partum anxiety- really connected.. About trees: I started hugging trees when I started getting really bad anxiety.. before then I would just tell them all about my days.. I recently introduced my 18 month old son to the joy of giving a tree a cuddle..
I had waves of hopelessness, grief, and what I can only describe as a gut wrenching homesickness with my newborn. Found out I had D Mer, dysphoric milk ejection reflect. A hormone equivalent of a Dementor whenever my milk let down (which with a newborn is often, and especially at night) knowing what it was helped me prepare for the waves and it fortunately wore off as my baby got older. But I warn all expecting mothers of the possibility of this feeling, as nobody in the hospital or birthing classes told me about it!!
This is me! With my first, at a well child visit the pediatrician was mentioning something about feelings of relaxation, peace, calm when nursing and I said hmmm I feel anxious, nauseated, sometimes flighty or even irritable and he said oh yes, that can happen and its called dysphoria. So glad to he brought it up. 3rd baby now and I still have it.
Yes I had two friends with this! It is heart breaking as a mother to be told that breastfeeding is just magical and full of love hormones, only to experience the opposite. I felt for them so much.
It’s interesting that the data measurement was considered a sign of PPD or PPA. I was told to do this by nurses and lactation consultants – count every poop/pee and feed. There are apps for it too. And it drove me mad! I remember crying when nurses demanded I tell them exactly how many ounces she had for their charts, when I hadn’t slept for almost a week after a difficult birth. There is so much pressure put on new moms when coping with recovery and hormone rollercoasters. Sending a big hug to anyone going through it.
Yes I remember being told to track everything. I had an app. That didn’t last long at all for me thank goodness. I read the womanly art of breastfeeding and it changed my whole world. It made motherhood so so good. I read for three hours straight for the first part of the book with my son on my boob the entire time. It changed the way I saw everything and eased all my worries
I remember they asked me to track everything as well. I did it in the hospital because they asked, but as soon as I got home, I stopped. I remember thinking, there’s no WAY moms around the world and/or moms throughout history did this?? It was such a relief to let that go.
when i was post partum with my son i heard about these apps or notes people were keeping with feedings/diapers whatever. I tried it for i am not joking, 45 minutes and it made me feel insane. i hope i don’t still have the note somewhere, it would have sent any human into a spiral of doom. 11:01- baby latched 11:03 baby fell asleep. 11:05 baby spit up 11:07- latch 11:09 diaper. I mean it was insanity i feel the creeping dread even as i write that. because what’s happening at the time of course is that the baby is doing all those things. and you don’t know why and you’re worried and tired and wounded and probably holding your breath. I felt such deep deep sadness for anyone who was attempting to track a baby like that, a Sisyphean task that would destroy any new mom.
It’s so validating to hear that the record keeping apps drove others crazy too!! The womanly art of breastfeeding sounds great. I read feed the baby – probably a cup of Jo comment rec. It helped me so much.
It’s so hard when you have a baby! I remember those dark days that turned into years. I coudln’t fall pregnant without surgery, and then both of us almost died in the delivery – before the sun came up the next morning my son and I were having CT scans. He was hospitalised several times every year until he was a teen.He developed really weird conditions, one caused him to go into cardiac arrest aged 5. I honestly believed that Death was following us around, and that if I made a single mistake death would steal him back. I still can’t go back to those days easily. It’s so hard. But last week I was at work, I recently left my executive job to become a chidlren’s librarian, and a group of mums were hanging out for HOURS. I thought they were friends. They were in fact strangers. They talked and they talked, and they talked about their mental heath and one shared that she was medicated. And the others were kind. And they asked questions, and I interrupted them and with a big smile on my face I said “The three of you are what everyone refers to as finding your village, and that’s what keeps you all safe.” I just loved hearing them find each other, holding out their hearts.
“I honestly believed that Death was following us around, and that if I made a single mistake death would steal him back.” Thank you for putting words to this, it is my current experience as a mom to a beautiful toddler with serious medical complexities since birth. Nearly all of my worst fears and anxieties of motherhood have come true. Everyday I am grateful she is here and healing. But these are impossibly hard years that I will look back on and wonder how we both survived. No way out but through.
Thank you so much for posting that article on Postpartum. I feel like this should be required reading for anyone having a baby. I for sure had both anxiety and depression but just felt bad about those feelings. It is a crazy transition to bring a human into the world and it’s not talked about enough that while it can be exceedingly beautiful it can also be exceedingly difficult and most often on the mother who is not only experiencing crazy hormonal shifts, but lack of sleep and the burden/benefit of being the sole food source in a lot of cases. I had a birth doula but have often thought that a post birth doula was what I really needed and for at least the first year.
Watched The Invite and Joanna I think you’d love it. You like Seth Rogen, right? His performance is outstanding. It’s adapted from a stage play and it really shows. Highly recommend.
The postpartum series is so important and so equally heartbreaking. Looking at some of the topics, I wish that we both had better access to resources around nursing, but also took the pressure off of women to nurse (or exclusively breastfeed) and in particular, exclusively nurse. Combo feeding is NOT talked about an option enough IMO. Even though I went into motherhood knowing I wanted to combo feed for my mental health, I was pressured into full time pumping and trying to make nursing work (which never did, my son was a preemie, despite me having access to lactation consultants). I ended up exclusively pumping for 2 months and part time pumping for another 2. The saving grace was that my son was exclusively bottle fed, which meant that my husband and I split nights – and that was HUGE for my mental health. I see so many women struggle with sleep deprivation and mental health because they want to exclusively nurse. But what if we normalized giving a bottle or two of formula a day so that mothers can get breaks? It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing proposition.
I am pregnant with my first and we have made a proactive choice to formula feed our baby. My husband really wants to be involved with feeding, and it seems like a good way to share the load and also have better sleep opportunities. I also truly never felt a bodily desire to do this, so why force it? I am so grateful that so many moms have spoken out about what has and hasn’t worked for them – all of us new moms are benefitting from people talking about their situations with feeding and postpartum.
I definitely agree. I really don’t remember hearing about combo feeding prior to the birth of my daughter. It always felt like either breastfeeding or formula. She was jaundiced and had an undiagnosed tongue tie for the first few weeks so we started down the formula/triple feeding journey (a nightmare!!) then kept up combo feeding for many months which ended up being great for our family. But I came to this more out of necessity than my midwife or anyone else speaking on it much.
Salad on the same plate as dinner … yes, of course. Are people out there having their dinner on multiple plates?!?
Anyone else unreasonably annoyed at the J Crew sweater being called a “tiny roll neck” when it is clearly a mock neck quarter zip? Am I the only insane one?
No, you’re not. And “tiny roll neck” also sounds uncomfortably tight.
Also – is the “tiny roll neck” always cropped? [sure looks like it in the photos.]. I want my tummy covered!
I kept scrolling and scrolling to find the mentioned sweater, to no avail. Also, that’s not tiny, that’s cropped. Also, a “tiny” “roll neck” sweater would look kinda stupid, wouldn’t it? Like it got shrink in the wash or something? Now, a cropped 1/4 zip….I might be interested. Someone’s going to tell us we’re fun at parties! Lol.
Yes- I am& I am annoyed that is very short- almost a half short!
Lol yes. To be fair to them, a lot of the existing J Crew sweaters they describe as “roll neck” are also mock necks and they’re just referring to that tiny little outward curl of at the top of the mock neck, which is technically a roll. You kind of have to squint to see it for some of these designs. The thing that annoys me more is: Did someone really need to innovate on all the mock neck sweaters out there by adding a sliver of curl at the edge of the neckline? Eh. Am I seeing it online a lot just because of J Crew’s marketing budget? Probably… Fashion is fun and all (and I am a customer of J Crew), but I feel pretty exhausted at constantly being asked to spend my money contributing to the fashion waste machine as we collectively hurtle towards a dubious economic future and a certainly disastrous climate future.
Looks like it’s a copy of the lululemon scuba sweater that was mega popular a couple of years ago… makes sense ! They’re trying to do a slightly more fancy version of it.
Came to the comments hoping someone would comment this.
Every year I picture fashion execs asking “how will we increase profit margins this year?” and someone decides to coin the phrase “tissue-weight” fabric, “cropped length,” or “tiny sweater,” instead of calling it “The-1/3-less-fabric-for-10%-more-price Sweater.” And yes – please please please stop depicting grown women as schoolgirls in advertisements. It infantilizes women and sexualizes girls.
I remember thinking of all the ways I would (intrusively) think my newborn would get hurt- accidentally dropping him in a river (didn’t live near one), a scary dog getting him, letting go of the stroller on a steep hill and he goes flying down…. Man those days were rough!! I didn’t realize then that they were intrusive thoughts and just thought I was an embarrassingly over anxious new mom!
I had this! Mine was that she’d be on her cushion on the floor and someone would carry a kitchen knife or hot soup over her and drop it.
I had these thought too. I actually hid the knives, I couldn’t stand to see them. I also wouldn’t go near our 2ndv story windows. I was eventually diagnosed with Harm OCD, but not until decades later. I was also plagued by horrible nightmares, those didn’t go away until therapy after my diagnosis. I actually thought the nightmares were repressed memories, in them I had committed murder. I had had a traumatic pregnancy and birth. And a very lonely pp. No one addressed any of my issues or offered help or resources after my birth. I seemed ok i goes. I was far from ok. I became anti vax i was so consumed with anxiety. The good that came was that I became a birth doula and became the person who saw the red flags, and the trusted person who listened. The Lindsey Clancy trial has brought up a lot of memories and feelings for me. For a lot of us who survived by the grace of god
Omg with my second I used to fixate on this river in England called the Strid that you die if you fall into. Used to imagine accidentally dropping her in it. Horrible!! https://www.reddit.com/r/thalassophobia/comments/12f4cbu/yall_heard_of_the_strid/
I have a lot of thoughts on this, but it’s hard to articulate even 7 years after my youngest was born. I just wanted to put this out there that postpartum anxiety can present as unbridled rage. I wish I knew that sooner (and I was/am a licensed therapist). I wish a lot of things from my kids’ postpartum days…they are healthy and I love them SO SO much, but thinking back to those early days with them makes me unbearably sad for what I missed in my sheer terror that I was going to ruin everything.
Yes this! I was recently holding my newborn nephew near a set of stairs which unlocked a visceral memory of how much I feared holding my newborn twins around stairs because I was afraid I’d somehow throw them over the railing. It was a bizarre pleasure to hold my newborn nephew near stairs and know that I wouldn’t let that happen, compared to when I was a new mom myself.
Reading these comments is so healing. I, too, had terrible intrusive thoughts, specifically around knives and water, when my son was born. That was two and a half years ago, and I’ve still barely acknowledged how scary those thoughts were. At the time, I felt too scared to tell anyone about them, because I thought they would “take him away from me” if they knew. Tearing up reading these comments from others, knowing I wasn’t alone <3
Does anyone else feel weird about the marketing of the J Crew sweater – the tiny rollneck? I can’t quite put my finger on why it’s feels uncomfortable.
It’s not tiny! But Emma Chamberlain’s glamour shots are giving 2008 A&F
Yeah, makes me feel like it accidentally went through the dryer and had to be passed on to a 14 year old.
Well, it is neither tiny nor really a rollneck, and it is really just not that cute? Haha. The casual zipper neck and waist skimming lower half of the garment seem to be going to two different events. It’s a mullet of an item.
If it’s cold enough to wear a sweater, do I want a drafty bare midriff? Does the average adult woman look good sporting a bare midriff? Just dumb.
I’m starting to get annoyed that people keep infantilizing clothing that I (as a 41 year old) really like. If it isn’t for you, move on!
I’m just begging for the end of cropped everything. Over it and it only looks good on middle schoolers.
I think because- whether through the fit, the styling, or the lens angle & lighting- the photographs are showcasing the emaciated/head almost too big on the body look that we’re seeing everywhere right now. With an emphasis on “tiny”, no less. It’s not a knock on the models themselves. But certainly a trend that doesn’t feel great.
Yeah as someone who’s shirt size is XXS calling that sweater “tiny” is a full misnomer. It’s cropped, I’ll give you that, but the arms are so long and baggy. Also using the word “tiny” for marketing it is just not cool, it’s bizarre, it’s off putting. It glorifies being a x-small size, like it’s cute or something? while somehow not even being made to fit that size body.
I agree, the “sexy school girl” styling here is majorly icky.
The ick is probably from the return extremely skinny women in the culture, during the time of repressive anti-women laws and influence of dark misogynistic religious leaders like Doug Wilson, conversations about Ariana Grande fitting inside a guitar case, etc. Why do women have to fit into “tiny?”
I feel the same, Cee.
SDY – I’m with you! I’m 36, and I love a crop top. It looks waaaay cuter with high-waisted pants or a skirt. And I think it looks especially cute on me :)
Oh the text about “accidentally knock his head on a… doorframe” – that was my painstakingly specific fear. I would have images of it happening, running on repeat, that first month. Her tender baby head, my husband calling from another room, me spinning to respond and breaking her. My town had a center with free support groups for new moms and that saved us both.
Louisa! I had that same specific fear on repeat in my head. I never felt I had postpartum depression but looking back I definitely had a lot of anxiety being a new mom. It’s comforting even now to hear someone else say that shared this specific fear
The mom messages is making me emotional. After my second child was born I had very bad stomach pain (he was maybe 6 months). My husband was at work and I asked my neighbor to come watch my kids so I could go to the ER. I honestly think it was just gas, but the relief of leaving my children with someone else and laying in a hospital bed was so freeing even if was just a few hours. I went back and kept at it and had to pay 400 for the co-pay. Just thinking how horrible it was that I couldn’t just ask for the help that I really needed which was a sustancial break from a two year old and six month old who wouldn’t take a bottle or sleep. It’s just SO hard! I’m well past all of that now, but it still makes my heart race to think about those days.
I really see my experience in many of the postpartum notes. That was such a hard time and I never thought I would get out of it. My son is now 11, and I often have those moments where I want to freeze time that I always heard people say about newborns.
Oooof that article about postpartum depression and anxiety. My kids are 8 and 10 now, but the Lindsay Clancy trial has brought back all of the memories or my post partum experience with depression and anxiety. I remember crying every day, constantly thinking about being in a car crash w the baby, falling down the stairs w the baby, tripping with the baby. I was someone who worked in child mental health but in myself still didn’t recognize these were “intrusive thoughts”. With my first, who wouldn’t take a bottle, I was afraid to leave the house, afraid to leave him with anyone, afraid he would starve (he was HUGE, he would have been fine). He was colicky and cried every day starting around 3. I absolutely could not fathom sending him to day are, so sure they had never experienced such a cranky baby who wouldn’t take a bottle. I cried for hours until my husband agreed I should quit my job because he didn’t know what else to do. The death of those babies is a tragedy on so many levels. I never experienced post partum psychosis, but I can absolutely understand how this happened. When I finally had the courage to approach my OB about 8 months PP, she told me it was too late and I needed to see my regular doctor. I had already messaged her I didn’t have a regular doctor. It took me another 8 months to find one and finally get help. My husband did his best but he had no idea what to do. Mothers in this country need more support. And I am saying this as a very privileged white woman in a big city. It breaks my heart.
This whole thing where OBs are like nope, sorry is SO FRUSTRATING. I messaged mine at 6 weeks postpartum and they told me the same thing. It’s all related to pregnancy and childbirth, why isn’t it in their scope?? Ugh.
This makes me SO angry. You deserved help THAT DAY. No more passing us off as someone else’s problem. I’m so glad you survived. It shouldn’t have been so hard.
Rebecca! I feel this on so many levels. I too had post partum anxiety when returning to work after my first child and when I reached out to my OB for medication they also told me I needed to see another doctor —without them providing any assistance in finding someone who could help. I spent so many hours trying to get help after that and felt so brushed off. It literally felt that once you hit your 6 week appointment you were entirely on your own after that.
Whenever a movie or book starts to romanticize the beauty in an everyday moment, I immediately tense up. It’s SUCH a trope just before disaster or tragedy that I can never let myself enjoy it. Sometimes even in real life when I find myself enjoying a moment, I tense up thinking this could be where it all goes wrong (I blame the anxiety for that).
As someone who grew up in a state that doesn’t have Dolly’s imagination library and now is raising their child in a place that does I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible a program it is. We got the enrollment form IN THE HOSPITAL with the birth certificate form!! Our first book showed up exactly one month later. My mind was blown. We were first time parents and had all the classic children’s books, but the Dolly books are targeted for their exact age and for that reason are almost always a hit. My slightly delayed speech kid started taking the Baby Talk book we received from the program and doing the motions in it (“where are baby’s TOES?”, “clap hands Baby!”) just the other week. We’ve been pretty worried to be honest, and seeing him do this has been incredible. Having it happen the same week Dolly passed, and reading all the tributes to her work with the program, has been really emotional. I’m pretty cynical when it comes to celebrity, but we’re directly benefiting from this program, and will be giving monetarily from now on. I could go on and on, but it’s so rare these days to be surprised by something GOOD, but I continually am by Dolly.
My son thinks Dolly wrote “The Little Engine that Could” and I feel no need to correct him. She was truly incredible!
Thanks for link to the Imagination Library. I’ve been an avid supporter for years. My mom signed my two girls up for the program when they were babies. As a result, we had 120 books in our house by the time they both turned five. As an added bonus, the books are highly curated and feature the themes Dolly is so well known for; being humble, smart, kind, inclusive, etc. I have no doubt this program helped foster my children’s imagination and love of reading, which is truly the best gift you can give anyone. Just donated again!
In Australia where I live we don’t have a separate salad course at all unless it is all you are eating. Dining out shared salads or a selection of vegetables are often ordered and served af the same time as the main course. Or the salad is served on the same plate, think a chicken cutlet sitting in top of a a delicious roast vegetable and lentil salad, or a piece of salmon on top of a kale, fennel and apple salad. Lasagne with Italian salad on the same plate so crunchy iceberg lettuce to contrast with the soft rich pasta. Grilled lemon, oregano and honey infused lamb chops with Greek salad on the same plate. The ‘appetiser’ is not a course here, it’s a little tid bit you might pass around on a platter while having drinks before sitting down to dinner. Also called hors d’oevres.
Hot take – dinner ON TOP OF your salad is the best. Simple green salad, lightly dressed, then rice or pasta or really anything piled on top. It adds brightness and crunch and deliciousness. Best served in a bowl.
May I also recommend salad ON TOP OF YOUR NACHOS? Eat the whole thing with a fork. It’s as if you’re eating a pub appetizer but it’s healthy! Or a taco salad but not so much. So good for a weeknight after work. Salad nachos. :)
ERIN-ANN!! that there is a life unlock haha
I also like salad on top of dinner so it wilts just ever so slightly. Like a rice bowl with salad on top?! Forget about it!
Erin-Ann and Joanna, Pizza salad is the best too! Put that italian chopped, or caesar, or simple green salad right on top of that pizza! Yum-o!
Salad on top of pizza! Specifically – Caesar dressed bbq’d chopped head of Romaine, and parm, on top of plain cheese. So so so good.
Yes yes yes! Lately it’s been a cabbage, carrot, beet and onion slaw because the ingredients are shelf stable and priced lower than lettuce and kale. Salad with dinner on top is such a good meal.
Long time reader, first time commenting. I really loved the link about postpartum depression/anxiety/etc. Here is a short story I wrote (translated into English) about my own experience… https://latinamericanliteraturetoday.org/2024/09/let-you-fall/
Your writing resonated deeply with me. Thank you for sharing.
The screenshots from postpartum moms really got me. I remember hiding under my covers and googling in incognito mode “does anyone regret becoming a parent?” when I was in the throes of ppd post weaning. It lifted eventually, but man was it a dark time. The screenshot of the woman who wrote down everything good she does for her baby made me tear up.
I remember that feeling so well too! I was sure we had legitimately ruined our lives.
Will Ferrell made me laugh so hard I cried. Being married to a Swedish man really is the best decision I ever made.
Haha, same! I take for granted how many things I have not had to even think about repairing myself. We’ve now rebuilt two homes together and taken on endless projects/repairs. Every time, he just gets his toolbox and settles in. My attention span is roughly equivalent to the time it takes to pick out a paint color but I’m a cheerful apprentice, at least.
No to the shark ninja or any other tool. I am as sure if this as I am about getting bangs also a no😂 and it has taken me do many attempts to get this right. The formula (for me) is a good haircut ( with some thinning sheer magic) some highlights and washing hair max 2 days a week. I have strayed and always returned. Hair gadgets can not make up for lack of a good haircut.
Took my 95 soon to be 96 year old Mom to the post office this afternoon and she remarked how beautiful the trees were,, 🥰
I’ve turned a corner into a new “age” because I find myself really appreciating a nice breeze or the beautiful blue sky. And commenting to people about it!
Kamome diner looks wonderful, but where is it available to stream in the US?
I remember postpartum thinking I cannot believe anyone does this more than once! The concept of siblings was unfathomable. (I went on to have two more babies!)
Joanna all the content has been FIRE this week! Maybe you ought to consider more weeklong trips in beautiful cities cycling around with Freddie 😉
I really appreciated this article on postpartum anxiety and depression. So many of us can relate to those feelings and suffering. I had my sweet daughter nine months ago, and I’m just now coming out on the other side and feeling so much better, thanks to medication and talking openly with other moms about my experience. It’s so important to keep talking about postpartum mental health and raising awareness so that resources, support, and care for mothers can continue to improve. No mother should ever have to go through this alone. ❤️
All-in-one hairt ools: yes! I’m an absolute hair tool junkie, and love to just prop my ipad up on the bathroom shelf and try out hair tutorials while drinking wine in the bathroom, so I’m definitely the target audience here lol! I got a Dyson Airwrap….which absolutely does not do what it says in the glam ads. However…it is the one I reach for the most just because you have so many choices! I would say any brand does the same job though. A great investment if you shop on ebay or for refurbished tools on the Dyson website (t got it for nearly half price and they had really excellent customer service when I needed a replacement). Also LOVE my Wavytalk thermal brush and my Beachwaver!
Wow, feeling so tender hearted after reading the postpartum texts and notes, and sending so much compassion to folks feeling that now and those of us who also survived it. I was deeply depressed after my 2nd kiddo was born. His was the easier birth, he could breastfeed with ease, it made no sense to me why it felt so hard. But he’d nurse constantly and glare at me and I’d think it’s a good thing your dad loves you and I trust I’ll love you someday but I don’t now. I’d think about all of us getting hit by a bus since I didn’t want to die and leave my kids without a mom so we should all be dead. I was walking around terrified my uterus was going to fall out between my legs. Meds made my heart race more so I felt more anxious, I didn’t even make it over the hump of 4 days on them. Then the pandemic happened right when I went back to work. Oooft, it was so hard, working with an infant and a toddler and no childcare in a studio apartment. Eventually I realized I needed to talk to someone and the woman who ran the mom’s group I loved was also a coach I knew and trusted. I convinced my boss to let me use professional development funds to pay for it (because what would be professional development besides learning how to be a working mom of 2 in a global pandemic!). It was a therapeutic, compassionate, seeing me right where I was and taking out every piece of shame that could possible land away. Thank you, Ginny. Big long slow exhales, my loves. Saying it to me as much as I am saying it to you in it right now. Take gentle care.
I’m proud of you for writing that. I was crying reading it and by the end, thinking, this girl is really ok. I’m so glad you asked for help and got good help. How scary to have those feelings and be in such a very hard place. I think sharing with each other is so important to normalize these experiences and help others get help too.
Women.In.Museums. ☺️🫶🎨🖼️ =Skipping school 😉🫶=Mental Health Break
Yes! Somewhat related, one day, the mother (who is an artist) of my childhood best friend took me, my friend, and two of her brothers out of school for a day (with my parents’ permission) to go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I was in maybe 9th grade. It was a life changing day for me. I grew up around both visual and performing arts, but that was the day I learned what Arts Administration was, what non-profits were, that people could have careers not just curating exhibits or writing musicals but also working in business minded positions that fueled artistic institutions. This shaped my college experience and the path of my whole career!
But I want my boys to one day send me texts featuring pretty trees!! (they are phoneless pre-tweens at the moment). I delight in every vibrant tree, slowing the car and ensuring they look out the window. While I hate the thought of one day being less physically in their lives, I’m comforted that hopefully I instill mom’s “pretty tree joy”. Because seriously, some trees are just GLORIOUS.
I get a “sky pic” from my college kiddo. Every day. Still, and she is a Senior now. Since Middle school. And it’s my favorite part of the day.
I remember, 4 months postpartum, googling “Can you die from lack of sleep?” I didn’t, but those were dark days indeed.
Oh man — me too, Tara.
Same. My husband desperately wants a second child, but I keep going back to the (lack of) sleep. I don’t think I can do it again.
The dark days genuinely scare me
I googled that too! That postpartum series was so powerful. My cousin and I had our first babies around the same time and used to text each other all day. We often said ‘someday we should make a book of this’ Re-reading our texts we should absolutely not make a book of it, unless our sons are someday interested in the nitty gritty obsession with how often they pooped, slept and ate. Not exactly best seller, but we were clinging to each other like a life raft in those early days.