Have a Relaxing Weekend.

Her nose looks exactly as it always did.

This made me laugh out loud. Hilarious.

I’ll probably get yelled at because it’s fast fashion, but H&M has a great maternity section. A lot of beautiful, chic options at very reasonable prices. And a lot of pieces called “before and after” that work when you’re pregnant and also after the baby is born, so it’s very versatile. Good luck and congrats!

Just had my second! Old Navy and H&M online, Abercrombie online for jeans, and the CRZ Yoga brand on Amazon for leggings and stretchy pants. Also loved Ingrid and Isabel at target for t shirts and casual dresses. And don’t over look moms groups! If she’s in Marin County make sure she joins Southern Marin Mom’s Club!

I live in a different major city and the only place I could shop in-person for maternity was Target :( I also ordered things from Nordstrom. This time around I’m going to try renting from Nuuly. I wish there were more options!

Poshmark and second hand thrifting. No need to spend money on brand new maternity clothes (or baby clothes, for that matter). You only spend a short time in them. Plenty of like-new finds!

hi! also in the bay. it’s been 16 years since i wore the clothes, but i’d like to remind you and your s-i-l that there are no rules! that she’ll look adorable no matter what, that big tshirts or button downs or stretchy waist skirts worn at the hips are great. that target sells cheap maternity pants and overalls. and that she’ll want to save that $$$ for other stuff…so don’t sweat it too much!

Most of my maternity stuff was from Thredup (and most of it went straight back there afterwards). It felt weird to buy new stuff I would only wear for a short while. I got a couple new things from target and Kohls (their maternity stuff was surprisingly good).

Congrats to her!! This is such a boring answer, but I got most of mine at Target (tank tops, very basic/casual tshirts) and Kohls (pants and shirts for an office-type work environment). And at some point I just gave up and wore black leggings every day because even the maternity pants weren’t cutting it!

I think Old Navy has a pretty solid selection!

Recently postpartum and I have four pointers: 1. You are not crazy, bad at internet searching, or missing the obvious answer. Maternity clothing has simply gone out the window. No more pea in the pod, seraphine, etc. with cute pregnancy stuff. And even the stores that stock maternity clothes online won’t have it in store. Once you accept that point, frustration (at least my own) dissipated a bit (because I wasn’t failing to find good stuff, there just ISN’T good stuff). 2. I hate fast fashion. Nevertheless, H&M’s line saved my butt. Great t-shirts, nursing tanks, bike shorts, etc. 3. ThredUp! Poshmark! Those old maternity brands are still good quality – think Hatch, Seraphine, etc. 4. Cute, non-maternity stretchy sundresses, sized up. I’m still wearing the ones I bought when I was preggo last summer.

She could also look for groups on Facebook. I’m in the East Bay and in my neighborhood there’s a round robin group of children’s clothes which makes me think there’s likely a maternity one as well (for all the reasons described already). I participate in just a regular one (where people give and take clothing in good condition they no longer like/want/need/etc. I LOVE it! The round robin group I’m in is a subgroup of a FB group called Being Neighborly Oakland. Its one of the few reasons I’m still on FB. Best of luck to your s-i-l!

In the Bay Area and highly recommend she join a Buy Nothing group on Facebook and make a request there. I bet you she will have success! So nice to borrow rather than buy these days!!

Try Quince! Inexpensive, comfortable, online.

Hi Claire! While not cheap, I bought a few things from Hatch. I worked throughout my pregnancy and still had to appear in court. I still wear a pair of pants I bought from there weekly. All the pieces went together and held up. Your SIL can also buy larger sized button downs and wear them throughout. There is a lot of fast fashion mentioned on here. So this is another option.

H&M maternity carried me through this pregnancy. I found a couple things on Amazon and made LOTS of use of skirts hiked way up over my bump + oversized button-up shirts, but basically everything dressy/cute or sleep/lounge was H&M maternity. (Use the app to find lots of sales.) And I am very very on a budget!

Molly! Thank you for your kind words. It was very therapeutic to write and I’m so grateful you read it. x Nicole

Hi Allison! I’m sorry you’re going through this. When I was dealing with similar issues it helped me to see a neurologist and an ENT who specialized in dizziness and vestibular issues, so they could figure out if it was a peripheral problem (ie. ear canals), a brain problem, or a dysautonomia problem (ie. blood pressure, POTS). For me it turned out to be a combination of things, but I would ask the PT and your primary doc for recommendations in your area or search for specialists in dizziness/vertigo/vestibular issues in these specialties. It took me a while to get diagnosed and figure out what works for me, but it has absolutely helped to get into a good routine of meds and/or lifestyle changes and/or PR exercises. Good luck!

Hi Allison, I had vestibular issues years ago. Look up vestibular neuritis or labyrinthitis, also BPPV and Menieres, and vestibular migraine. They are all vestibular/balance conditions. I had different diagnoses at the hospital over years but the main thing is, do your PT exercises. It’s a primary treatment and it works. These issues can resolve quickly or over a long time. Mine was long but I have fully recovered so don’t be scared. Kym

Hi Allison, I’m so sorry to read that you’ve had to struggle with vestibular issues. I very much empathize. I began having terrifying vertigo attacks in 2023, which then led to 24/7 dizziness, including the sensation of being on a boat or a moving dock at all times. My PCP ran many tests and nothing unequivocally explained the intensity of the dizziness or the intermittent vertigo—even though I was eventually diagnosed with vestibular migraine, PPPD, and possible MdDS. (I only mention these names in case you or others have received these diagnoses and it makes anyone feel less alone in what I’ve found is often a lonely, mysterious path.) I saw a number of specialists, did vestibular PT (which gave me hope about healing, if not healing itself), tried multiple medications, etc. But, aside from my experience of faith, what helped me begin to recover was learning from audiologist Dr. Arthur (here’s her YouTube channel, if you’re interested:https://www.youtube.com/@TheSteadyCoach). This work centered on neuroplasticity has been revolutionary for me. If this comment weren’t so long already I would give examples haha. I hope there’s something there that could encourage you. Wishing you altogether well!

I’ve had some vestibular issues as well and can confirm they are super scary and disorienting!! I’m so sorry! My cervicogenic dizziness seemed to be related to jaw clenching at night, just in case that’s an avenue you haven’t explored yet. Otherwise, hydration, avoiding alcohol, and getting enough sleep are all helpful to me, although I know those are really basic tips you’re probably already doing. Hope you find relief soon!

Hi Allison. I think a visit to an ENT doctor would be most helpful as they would be able to determine the cause of your vestibular issues and provide recommendations for how to treat it.

Hi Allison, this was me! I had three months of intense vertigo following a vestibular migraine. It was THE PITS. I did vestibular PT as well, for about two months. Ultimately it faded away after about three months–I don’t know if it was the PT that helped, or just giving it time, or what. I will say that I did a videonystagmography test and things got much better right after that. It’s a diagnostic test, versus treatment, but they did some irrigation of my ear as part of it and I’m convinced that’s partly what did the trick. I’m super sorry that you’re dealing with this. I am prone to seasickness in general and feeling like I was seasick for 3 months was just the absolute worst. Ditto for not being able to drive that whole time. Hang in there, I hope a fix is coming for you soon! (Now I’m dealing with a totally different issue–if anyone’s dealt with adult onset eczema, possible brought on by perimenopause, and has any magical solutions, let me know!)

If anyone has the kind of inner ear related vertigo where they’re being told to do the Eply maneuver at home, the Foster exercises are much more intuitive and I have had greater success with them for home treatment!! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mQR6b7CAiqk

If anyone is still looking at this, thank you for responding to me! Appreciate all the suggestions but sorry to hear about everyone who has suffered or still suffering as well. I recently discovered the Steady Coach and have been listening to her podcast and watching some videos so glad it hear that also helped you, Naomi.

Hi Allison, I have dealt with vestibular migraines since 2018. One side effect was constant vertigo over a 2.5 month period. During the first 8 weeks I was barely able to walk due to the dizziness (I looked like a drunken sailor) which was incredibly scary. I’d also lose my eyesight when the headaches were in effect. I didn’t ever expect it to be a migraine as my headaches were very dull. Luckily I had a fantastic neurologist in NYC. I had a MRI done and he gave me exercises to follow but he ended up prescribing magnesium for the headaches. The headaches cleared within two weeks as did the vertigo. I was initially very skeptical that it could be helped so easily but I’m so thrilled that it worked. I guess its very common for a lot of women have a magnesium deficiency. I would highly recommend seeing a neurologist, if you are in the New York area by any chance I’d be more than happy to share his details. I hope that you get answers soon, it is a scary experience for anyone to have. Best of luck!

Meg- for the eczema the only thing I’ve ever had success with outside of prescription creams when it gets super bad is slathering myself head to toe in cereve moisturizing cream twice a day. After being beside myself, on oral steroids and more, I found a doc who recommended that and it changed everything. Sarna lotion is also great for managing the itchiness outside prescription meds, but maintaining with cereve religiously for a couple years got me out of the miserable cycle. Good luck!!

What a dream!! We just got back from a week of camping in Sleeping Bear. Northern Michigan is amazing!

This is high on my families list! We live near Minneapolis so this is in our region and somehow i’ve never been. Did you camp?

Mia, we visited Sleeping Bear when we were in Traverse City. Jaw droppingly gorgeous! Melissa, we stayed at the lodge. I am completely ignorant when it comes to camping and to be honest, makes me a little nervous so we opted to stay at the lodge. I had to book that a year in advance.

I love language. What a funny and deeply specific burn!

Thank you so much, Melanie! <3

Well. What a compliment!! Thank you Jess ❤️ We’re a pretty great cheer squad around here.

Ditto this!

Yes Please! I am dying to know the candle!

Check out the blog Barking Dogs Shoes- she has great recs for all kind of feet that need extra support!

Prefacing this with: I have very specific comfort shoe needs as a flat footed/overpronator with wide-ish feet. I need to have insoles for most shoes, but I also need the shoe itself to have enough midfoot support in it’s construction to work for me. I have found that the leather adidas handball spezials with insoles feel great for me and I have been hours on my feet in them (sizing can be tricky, so you might have to test). Superstars and stan smiths get recommended a lot, but did not feel good on my feet.

Hiya! I recently got trained in footwear at work and it turns out that super cushy shoes aren’t good for planter fasciitis – they basically overly stretch the arch and don’t provide enough stability and end up making it more inflamed. I also have plantar fasciitis and wear Ariat’s every shift at work (walking 4-6 miles on average) and they’re the only ones that don’t leave me hobbling by the end. If you want extra arch support, the inserts work wonders. https://www.ariat.com/womens-chelsea-boots

Do you have fitflops in the US? There are lots of different style shoes, boots etc. I wear nothing else now.

I’m a teacher with plantar fasciitis, and Dansko clogs are my go to shoes. They’re pricey, but they don’t make my feet look like cartoons, and they last forever. I also have a cheap pair of barefoot sneakers from Amazon that I get compliments on all the time (from high schoolers!), which is crazy, because they do make my feet look like cartoons from above, but I guess it’s not so bad from other perspectives? I think it’s just because they are red. Either way, they’re comfy all day. Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GCRG5VM4?th=1&psc=1

Gah, Mona–I could have written this comment!!! I am also dealing with PF and am having what I’ve dubbed “bad foot summer.” (Ugh) I love wearing cute shoes and am desperate to find something that podiatrists/physical therapists would approve of that is legitimately cute. COJ, please help!

Okay – not shoes but I learned how to tape my feet with KT tape which lasts for a few days before it needs replacing when I had PF and I think it helped a lot. PF is so hard and seems to linger for so long. I hope you heal quickly!!

If you can get them shipped to where you are, Bared shoes in Australia are excellent for this. My podiatrist actually said to avoid Hoka as they are excellent to start with but really wear through in just a few months. You can’t necessarily tell from the outside, but they start to get a lot less cushion and a lot more bendy, putting extra pressure on your feet joints.

Just here to co-sign the FitFlop recommendation! I genuinely wear nothing else now – their trainers are great, but I also rock theirs sandals, slippers, boots and when I’m in a good place, ballet flats. Also strongly recommend looking into shockwave therapy for the PF, very helpful. A xxx

Hoping this is helpful. I’m a chronic PF sufferer. I’ve had it for decades, has surgeries to correct, have tried most things. *Most people with PF will heal or resolve NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO. Your body will heal. This is great news!!! But what it also means is that x person tried y thing, gets better, and then believes it’s because of y thing, see what I mean?? In addition to that, people develop PF for MANY different reasons. It’s most definitely not all the same for everyone. So, again, different things are going to work for different folks. And different things are going to make folks worse as well. All this to say – you gotta try what makes sense to you, and if it works, stick with it. But DO NOT keep trying a thing that isn’t working, just because your friend swears it worked for her. If you KNOW something is a trigger, you gotta stop. So many want to wear the cute shoes, and they know perfectly well it will flare their PF. Don’t do that to yourself. And if your PF is like mine, and here for life, start asking questions about what else is going on. Mine should have been a red flag for a connective tissue disorder, and that would have changed my treatment trajectory from the beginning, but I didn’t get that. What works for me: Only ever shoes that are safe for me. These are Merrell boots, crocs for slippers (I can’t ever do barefoot), and Brooks running shoes. That’s it. A balance board (slack line on a board that looks like a snow board). I do balance and strength work on it and it helps tremendously. My feet needed to get stronger, NOT STRETCH (nor did my Achilles or legs need to stretch). Never stand for any length of time. Stay off of concrete. Again, might not work for you. But just as an example for things you might not hear as traditional wisdom. Best of luck!!!! I wish you healing.

Wishing you peace and good fortune. For what it’s worth, I’m in my 40s and sometimes it’s painful to think about how much time I’ve missed with my parents. Maybe there will be some silver linings of having more time with your Mom at this stage of life. Change is hard, even in the best of circumstances- which you’re not in. I think you are doing great!

It sounds like you’re doing a lot to prepare, and that’s amazing and hard. I left an abusive relationship 5 years ago and it will take time to heal and move forward, but you’re doing the right thing and you deserve to feel calm and safe and consistently treated with care and consideration. The confusion is normal, but – as you clearly know – you are making the right choice for yourself. Your safe place to land doesn’t have to be forever. It can be a comforting stepping stone to the next chapter you are creating space to be able to dream up. You got this.

Godspeed Anon! You will not regret it ❤️

Anon, more times than I can count I have thought the door slamming me out into the hall was the end of everything. It’s not. When you collect yourself, you will stand up and notice light coming through many more doors that will welcome you. You might, for example, soon meet a best friend for life, see something you will remember forever, fall in love, with a human or a pet, build a beautiful relationship with your mum, develop a new hobby – a passion. Whatever. You love where you are right now, but what is waiting is capital O Opportunity. You’ve got this!

Dear Anon Your tail should not be between your legs, you have identified that this relationship is not right for you and you are being so strong in making the change that needs to take place. You should feel very proud of the steps you are taking, and if you don’t feel proud now then I certainly hope that in a few months time you can see how much effort you took to make your life better. I shall be cheering for you, and hope that you keep us updated.

So happy to hear from you! I was one of the people who responded and I’m so glad to hear you’re doing okay and continuing to plan. That behavior sounds so confusing, but I do think people who treat others that way have an instinct for when someone is starting to shake free, and they can adapt temporarily to keep people from leaving. I’m glad you’re keeping in mind the much bigger picture of all the ways you weren’t treated well-it’s hard! As for your tail between your legs: starting over is hard and brave and I wanted to say that I don’t see moving home that way at all. There are lots of shows and books about women starting over (Evvie Drake Starts Over is a good book!) and maybe watching those would be encouraging as you put your plans into action (safely away from the person you’re leaving). I’m so sorry you have to leave your job and the sea, thank them for all they’ve given you and how they’ve helped you through this time. I hope find a wonderful life (maybe in another seaside town) in the future. You are doing great.

“within him is someone who would put me down every day, will deflect blame onto me any time I try to say how he’s hurt me, will punch and break things when upset”. This is all the evidence you need to leave. Just feeling these things, without them happening at this moment in time, is a valid reason. There is no shame in moving back in with your mom in your 30s, especially while trying to leave an abusive relationship. It’s a great option to have. Try to reframe the sadness of leaving the area you love with “this is temporary, and I can return back here anytime in the future”. It will still be there, waiting for you! Good luck with the next stages. I know it will be hard but we are all proud of you.

I remember and thank you for the update. Be sure to take a moment to congratulate yourself for how much personal growth you’ve accomplished. Sending you a big hug of support as you progress through this really hard life change.

Hi Anon, although the circumstances are different, I too am planning to leave a relationship which will entail sacrificing some of the comforts and luxuries of my current life. However, one of the things propelling me is that I too am so often confused in my marriage. I read somewhere that in a good relationship you shouldn’t be that confused and I think that’s true. We should aim for a stable dynamic with a reliable partner. The world can be so hard and uncertain, it would be so powerful to have a safe harbour at home. I wish you all the best in your journey and please know that being strong isn’t a straight line trajectory.

I found myself holding my breath as I read this. But….. you’re OK. And you’re gonna be ok. And I’m so glad you have a safe space to land, a temporary space that will help you calm your nervous system, reset and help you launch to the next much better phase of your life. It’s always OK to have conflicting feelings (saying that even though you sound pretty sure, and I think you are), it’s OK to not be completely convinced. I think you know enough, to know that even if he’s changing now, you still deserve better. You deserve to never wonder what may return. I’m pulling for you. I hope you’ll keep updating us. Every single woman i know who has left because she deserves better, is happier, healthier, calmer and so glad she left. I’m so excited for your future brave girl.

What Katie says about abusers backing off when they sense you building power just to lull you into a sense of security is a major tactic of manipulation. They have not changed. They are waiting. Usually they are not even aware they are doing it which is why it can be so convincing. Do not be fooled. You deserve to be loved in a healthy way. Sending you strength and clarity.

I’m so sorry. I broke my arm when I tripped over an uneven sidewalk on day 1 of a vacation, so I suppose I was doing something I loved, lol. My advice is book your Physical Therapy before the cast/sling comes off, because it took a while to get an appointment! I believe you’ll heal up well!

My advice is don’t let this make you give up your love of rollerblading! Injuries suck, a LOT, but about a year ago, I fractured my big toe while playing soccer (someone stepped on me, HARD). I had to take a break, of course, but I’m back out there now, playing the same as ever (with my doctor’s go-ahead, of course).

Not to try and brightside your frustration and pain, because breaking a bone at our age with little kids is horrible and a big fear, but also at our age a bone break can sometimes be good news compared to more significant soft tissue damage that took the hit instead of the bone. I hope you can find the courage to get back on your skates, even if it’s not downhill, or find a different and wonderful hobby. Life is a challenging thing to balance.

Omgosh, reveal yourself!! So many Rachels in my phone xx

My advice is to make cooking easy! Meals in mind should be either: 1. 90% prepared at home (precooked pasta salad + grilled marinated chicken, prepped carnitas in tacos) OR 2. Don’t require dishes (hot dogs, burgers, corn) If food can come together easily, you can spend your time hanging out!

Give it 24 hours before you decide if you’re having fun or not. It takes time to settle into it! And bring battery-powered string lights for your tent. It’s much nicer getting ready for bed with soft lighting and I find lanterns and headlamps are often so harsh

A way to stay dry, comfortable clothes, and plenty of delicious snacks and food are some major ingredients. If it will be cool out, then maybe some apple cider powdered drink mix, or hot choc, or similar. If hot, could consider a small battery powered fan to cool the air inside the tent so everyone can get some rest. Smores ingredients and nice marshmallow sticks—the sticks to me felt like a silly splurge at first but we use them on every camping trip ever now! Pretreat clothes with permethrin if you have time/energy, which reduces bug bites. One fun pre camping activity is to make your own fire starters—kids love to help make them beforehand and then see them get used, and then you have a higher chance of campfire-starting success. (We use toilet paper rolls with dryer lint, shredder paper, and melted wax to make ours.) Lastly, camping headlight allows for hands free illumination and easier trips to the bathroom if it’s down the trail a ways. You don’t need a fancy one with a million settings, just avoid shining it directly into others people’s eyes and you’re good to go. Have a great time!!!

Non-camper here that has gone on several trips with very experienced camper friends, and I have the same sentiment: it feels like a lot. First, what gives you the most anxiety and can you ask one of your friends in advance for help with that. For me, it was putting up the tent and feeling less jumpy about bugs (my own manufactured fear). Once the tent was pitched expertly, I felt so relaxed. The company of others made the uneasy feelings fade, but there are definitely some practical things to consider, especially with a little one. Headlamps are awesome and fun. If you’re car camping, perhaps bust out the training potty to keep by or in the tent to reduce anxiety (you don’t have to use it, but it’s a thought). Easy, satisfying meals: instant ramen, hot dogs, quesadillas, baked beans, oatmeal. Singing by the campfire will make all the ill feelings go away. Never camped with my daughter, but I imagine she would be clinging to my hand and cuddling me most of the trip. Enjoy the bonding time!

Pack body wipes (even make up remover wipes will do the job). It is so refreshing to get into your tent at night and wipe down your face and feet and whatever else needs a refresh. It can feel gross sleeping in campfire face!

What a great thing for your kid to experience!! I’d say go in expecting that there will be type 2 fun- the kind where it’s hard during but when you look back on it you remember it as a fun adventure of growth and joy. Camping with kids or less experience, recognize sleep won’t always be great. I’m a fan of magnesium or melatonin for camping trips. Eye masks or buffs over the eyes to sleep in a little bit. Pillows from home. And bring baby wipes or a washcloth for nightly “baths”. A little journal, water color set, whittling knife or binoculars and a set of cards and a camping hammock all bring our family joy but you don’t need a ton of stuff especially if there are other kids around!

Bring card games or other portable games. I have so many memories of learning and playing cards as a kid camping, especially if there’s a rainy day!

We love games, that we keep with our comping supplies. Squarrels is a favourite (https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/33427/squarrels-a-game-of-absolute-nuts) as is throw throw burrito (it’s important that there isn’t a competitive older kid playing against your 6 year old though – it’s a great whatever the age but if you’re playing with little ones everyone has to be on board with going easy on them) https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/274533/throw-throw-burrito. We also have an easily wiped tablecloth for the campsite picnic table which makes both meals and games easier and more enjoyable. Also we always bring as many hammocks as there are kids lol.

I am not super into camping–didn’t grow up doing it, and have lived without electricity and running water so I don’t find that part “exciting” or at all interesting, but have done it a bunch as an adult. Headlamps are definitely helpful. Make sure you have enough water–if you can bring a big cooler jug full of ice water, the big igloo coolers tend to stay pretty cold for several days and it’s kind of amazing how much that can be a mood booster in hot weather. I think the main thing with camping is that just to lean into taking your time with all the basic stuff like making coffee or cooking. There is no point rushing that. The not-rushing is the point. Spend three hours over a meal. Why not?

I always have a great time camping with friends! It’s nice when the kids can roam as a pack and the adults can just hang out and chat. I highly recommend a hammock, if your site has trees. It’s a great place to laze around and nap mid day, in that lull before dinner, and kids also love swinging in it. Also – a little set of construction vehicles are always a hit with my kids for playing at the camp site. The first night will almost always be crap sleep-wise, so just accept that.

That’s so exciting! Hope this isn’t too self-promotiony for my beloved Cup of Jo comments section, but I recently released an episode on my podcast for kids about going camping! I’ve been a few times but always feel like there’s so much I don’t know, and taking kids along certainly ups my stress! My kids (and I) do much better when they have a bit of prep for what they may be getting into, hence the topic choice :) Tree House Together: Going Camping https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tree-house-together/id1733096351?l=zh-Hans-CN&i=1000776009086

Good luck! I agree with Ste, you need a headlight, fire starter (make or buy), and wear long clothes that you treat with permethrin. Check for ticks often. They are a huge problem lately. Bring a tick remover tool!! This thing works super well & will ease your mind: http://www.rei.com/product/179307/the-tick-patrol-tick-remover-tool?sku=1793070001 Also, I highly recommend a sleeping pad to put under your sleeping bag. If you will be sleeping on the ground, this will be necessary. You will be in a lot of pain if you are sleeping directly on the ground for 5 days, a pad will help a lot. There will be ups and downs. For me, rain often causes downs. (Make sure you set up your rain cover on your tent, even if rain isn’t in the forecast that night.) But the fun part is you’re in the woods, you can be dirty and wild and free. Camping can be quite magical! And your friends will know how to have a good time. Enjoy! Report back :)

Oh my gosh, I’m so grateful for all of these suggestions! Thank you, everyone – I’m feeling so much better about it all. String lights, headlamps, tick remover, bug spray, body wipes, “emergency” chocolate, hammock, card games all packed…easy menu planned…Type 2 fun expectations thoroughly in place…fire starter making planned for Wednesday night. I’ll let you know how it goes!

I meant to comment on this thread but my comment ended up in the general comments. Anyway, here is my advice: Bring a cooler for just you and her (in addition to whatever you need to bring for meals) with some creature comforts inside that you both like. Even if it’s just a dozen PB&J sandwiches lol. Comfortable clothes that dry quickly, an extra pair of hiking shoes/tennis shoes and Crocs or similar for around the campsite. Perhaps a rechargeable fan if that is an option. Are you tent or cabin camping? Bring your own pillow and lots of sunscreen and bug spray. Something to flavor water (those little flavored packets or Mio is what we usually use). A batter powered lamp or light. YOUR OWN PILLOW. Full body wipes if there’s not a shower available. Your own roll of toilet paper just in case. I camp frequently with friends (and our horses) and my husband and I are avid backpackers/hikers so I could go on and on and on. Honestly advice depends on how remote the camping is (car or cabin camping gives a lot more flexibility), vs. wilderness camping where every ounce needs to be carefully considered. I am assuming that since the kids sound young you might be able to bring your vehicle close by which makes it a lot easier.

I read “PM” as “Prime Minister” and I love imagining a head of state, commenting on COJ near the end of their term to celebrate 😄 Well done, Katie!

Happy Weekend, Congratulations on getting the project done!

Lovely!

these are incredible! I love old/new hybrids so much : )

So cool! Maggie Hensel’s Community Lacemaking Project https://www.maggiehenselbrown.com/clp-ii reminds me of the folk story of Harlequin and the Coat of Many Colors, where the protagonist can’t afford a costume for Carnival but his friends come through with tiny fragments of their own. A classic greater-than-the-sum-of-the-parts situation.

:’) Love this appreciation of your life, Kate

Type b here, in both career and mumhood. And this sounds very type a but trust me on this: get a meal planner and shopping list duo notepad thing. I don’t end up making 100% of the meals I planned but it lessens the daily 5pm and weekly groceries panic. Wake up 30 mins earlier and set boundaries to kids – this is mummy’s quiet time for coffee and breakfast and phone time and talk to me after 30 mins. After every 2-3 great ‘on’ days – all the crafts, nature walks, home baking – will come a couple of crash days when nothing gets done and that’s what your body needs. On cleaning and laundry – still figuring that out but light midweek hoovering helps (corners and under furniture don’t count) and laundry can remain unfolded until someone needs something. You got this!!

Give up whatever you need to in order to afford a regular cleaning service (every other week if you can afford it). Swallow your pride and ask other moms for recommendations because the best cleaning ladies don’t advertise. You will spend all day, every day on a hamster wheel of cleaning and having just one or two days a month when *you* get to enjoy a house cleaned by someone else (even if the clean only lasts five minutes) will be such a gift to your mental health and will help you feel less helpless/enraged by the million careless messes the kids make alllll day long.

I’m so glad you commented this. That was uncanny to see the parallels, inspiration.

Both shoots were done by the same photographer: Szilveszter Makó! https://www.instagram.com/SzilveszterMako/ Along with this one of Elle Fanning https://www.whowhatwear.com/fashion/cover-features/elle-fanning-sentimental-value He’s got such a unique point of view and I’m loving seeing his work getting more of a spotlight.

I love LAURA GELLER Kajal Longwear Kohl Eyeliner Pencil. I buy them on Amazon. They last a long time.

True taupe eyeliner. The product description by the pro MUA on her beauty retail website will tell you everything you need to know. And you’ll love it! https://shopreedclarke.com/products/true-taupe-eyeliner

Jones Road The Best Pencil! It’s so great and most importantly – EASY. https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com/products/the-best-pencil

YES!! Even supposed smudge proof eyeliners ooze down under my eyes. Yet I need something that glides on. What works for people?

I have hooded, 49 year old eye lids and I swear by this. It’s the most I’ve ever spent on eye liner but it’s totally worth it and lasts a super long time. Previously the only thing that worked for me was a liquid liner but I was feeling like it was no longer my vibe. Cannot recommend this highly enough! https://www.sephora.com/product/eyes-up-creamy-kajal-longwear-liner-P517010?

Same. Got enough of this in my childhood from my parents to last a lifetime!

Elle, fellow east Asian who spent her high school years in a very white community, who struggled (and sometimes still does) with wanting to look anything but Asian. It’s been many years of working through these feelings and trying to reach the point of feeling okay in my own skin, but it has (and still is) HARD. I wouldn’t necessarily say I notice it much on CoJ, and appreciate the diversity of people that are featured here, but I otherwise know so deeply how you feel.

Hi Elle, I am Indian and we lived in the Midwest for a long time before moving to the South. I do know a lot of extended family and friends of my generation born in the eighties, who have married White men or women. Part of what Nicole mentioned is very true, self hatred of looking Asian/Indian exists. My other theory is that, the few Indians in town met and married the dominant race during that period as the demographics were very different from what it is now. There are a lot more young Indians now than there were before and I guess this generation does not carry as much self hatred.

I’m white but look somewhat racially ambiguous. I recently learned that it’s because I’m 1/16 Native American. All my life—even as recently as last week—people have asked me if I’m part Asian or assumed that I am, and I’ve always taken it as such a compliment because I think you have the most beautiful features.

Elle, I’m so glad you read my essay and that we’re connected in a small way. Cheering you on as we journey together xx

Same, girl! I always think I’ll make time to actually work out but apart from walking a lot on vacation and wrangling my 4 kids, I’ve also rarely hit the gym. I save that for my life at home.

I prefer to walk everywhere instead. I do the same and never use the clothes. I want to be out and see the sights! I never understand why people waste their vacations in the gym.

Yes please what’s the magic candle?!?!

Yes, what was the candle??

exactly!!!

Came for this comment, please, tell us!

Me too!!!

It was a magnolia target candle that’s since been discontinued, sadly!

Same!!!

would this one from quince work? https://goto.quince.com/oNBDOe

If you happen to be the right size, I bought this one for a Catholic funeral recently and felt covered enough to be appropriate, and also brought a light shawl for the church: https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/nordstrom-seamed-wool-blend-midi-dress/8568284? If you can shop in person, look in the work wear section.

Sorry you’re going through this JP! I would probably wear something like this. I also have a larger chest and for button-fronts like this, I use fashion tape between buttons to prevent gaping. https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=1178144011&vid=1&tid=bfpl000032&kwid=1&ap=7&ds_agid=19718457350-&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19709966568&gbraid=0AAAAAD_AT8sqwvTDZZkaabxCOvKVpK4f7&gclid=CjwKCAjwhNbTBhB4EiwAsFSg-q8vIdTtTJTG851KT_gS_b25uSb9YeIhmQaQp-Chq6xs4Bn_rFxMZxoClaMQAvD_BwE#pdp-page-content

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=modest+black+funeral+dresses+women&crid=32W506V4A50BP&sprefix=modest+black%2Caps%2C315&ref=nb_sb_ss_p13n-expert-pd-ops-ranker_2_12 I searched ‘modest black funeral dress’ on Amazon. A lot of really lovely and pretty choices here. I found my outfit for my mil’s funeral earlier this year on Amazon, and it turned out to be perfect. Linen like loose wide leg pants and a cropped black tank in same fabric (palm springs in May). I don’t regret spending very little, and I’ve worn the pieces separately a few times since. I’m very sorry for the space you’re all in. I hope everyone is doing ok. These things are just hard.

This with a cardigan https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E482982-000/00?colorDisplayCode=09&sizeDisplayCode=004&utm_campaign=shopping_broad_product_dresses-&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=E482982-09-004-000&utm_content=pla&campaignid=22786295755&adgroupid=181510618279&device=m&merchant_id=10097310&product_partition_id=338390017141&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22786295755&gbraid=0AAAAADwNkrJklw2dQh5OxpTMuCJV1FQ_z&gclid=CjwKCAjwhNbTBhB4EiwAsFSg-oGRLjHYJPII2jm-Wf69-po_5TSXcGGDHlIA-ilB9gBHxlwu5xcU-BoC8i4QAvD_BwE

Have you considered a two piece? I used to wear dresses but found that sometimes they felt to business like and other times felt too flippant. But a two piece allows you do find maximum comfort and style separately. These days I wear a light weight tailored trouser with a silky blouse with long sleeves in winter, and a silky/flowy blouse with short sleeves in winter for funerals/memorials. I can dress my shoes up or down depending on the venue for the event. But the trousers and the silky top always looks appropriate enough. Good luck on your search!

*Short sleeves in summer.

Boden has lots and lots of dresses, including lots of choices in black and navy blue (which seems funeral-appropriate to me) so their website might be worth a look.

I have a jumpsuit similar to this one that I have worn to similar occasions. I can wear it with a pair of heels and a cardigan to dress it up/cover the shoulders. But it’s breathable and comfortable enough for all of the before and after events of a family funeral. https://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=844283012&vid=1&tid=atpl000097&kwid=1&ap=7&ds_agid=506235880-1274335719242957&msclkid=7b05c58d27241170d5aeaffb6576000c&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=LET%7CPFR%7CB%7CS%7CPMAX%7CW%7CALL%7CDCM%7CN%2FA%7CBAU%7CPRS%7CUS%7CU&utm_term=2331445688024902&utm_content=Womens+All+Products&gclid=7b05c58d27241170d5aeaffb6576000c&gclsrc=3p.ds&gad_source=7&gad_campaignid=23549105451#pdp-page-content

I’m so sorry. I wore a black Uniqlo cardigan over my sleveless black dress the last time I had to go to a funeral (I buy a size larger at Uniqlo than I would with other brands). If you need a dress with sleeves, Ann Taylor might have something that works well. If you live near a Macy’s or other large department store, they tend to have a lot of options as well.

JP, so sorry that you and your partner are going through this. My dad died in June. The funeral was in July in an non-air conditioned (very hot) church. I tried several dresses from Quince and found one that worked for me. They have free returns so I was able to return the others easily. They have tiered maxi dresses with sleeves in linen, cotton, and washable silk (all black fabric). It was a tough day but I felt good about what I wore. Wishing you the same.

My husband and I watched it at a weekday matinee in a theatre filled with retirement age women who guffawed through the whole thing. It was a delight. I loved it, but it was kind of a psychological horror at times, which made the comedic releases even funnier. The bickering felt so real in the funniest way.

Same here, and amen to Sasha’s comment. If I do have to dress up for an event, I am still me and not bringing things that are untested, bulky, or uncomfortable. The joys of being 60+ and have so fewer f*cks to give.

Anna, there are some real gifts with aging, aren’t there? I think about the things I know now, esp about myself, that I am so grateful for. I didn’t know this about getting older!

Nicole Chung is an incredible writer who wrote one book all about her experience as an adoptee, and I LOVE her writing so much. Wanted to share in case you haven’t come across her before!

Although I have a very different story and perspective, Nicole’s essay moved me greatly- and reading your comment also gave me much pause. I am an adoptive mother (38 years ago) of a beautiful daughter who is of a different race than myself & my husband. Though we in the adoption triads are all very different and unique, we can often connect in stories mixed with both overwhelming heartache and with love and joy. I have much to ponder today – thanks again – also for the book recommendation Katie. Nicole’s writing is indeed beautiful.

I’m sure you’ve seen it but just in case: Found: https://www.netflix.com/title/81476857 It features Chinese adoptee’s in US families but it might still be interesting.

Have you seen the documentary PBS put out a few years ago on adoptees? Fascinating and heartbreaking. Thank you so much for commenting and sending you love xx

Couples therapist here. I 100% agree. It felt over-handled, particularly at the beginning. The relationship didn’t feel “lived in” to me, and the characters didn’t feel real. There were great lines and great moments (not a spoiler – when Seth Rogan is looking for a wine opener, and Olivia Wilde is passive aggressively saying “Not there. Not there. It’s never been there.”) I wish the whole movie had been given a little more room to breathe and relax into itself.