Have a Great Weekend.

Hey! I think you’re looking for this post? Is that right? We also have the book listed on our Book Recs, and if you were googling for the post, you might’ve landed on a “product” page with just the book cover. Sorry for the confusion!

Ah, yes, I must have been on the products page. Thank you!

I did ! :)

Omg thank you for saying this, I totally agree! Her mohair (?) cardigan lives rent-free in my mind, eternally searching for that cardigan!!!

Rumer Godden as in Greengage Summer??? Thank you, I will definitely get my hands on a copy of her autobiographical novella asap. That is right up my alley. I read GGS for the first time a few years ago and thought it was brilliant.

Same, i’m a ‘light spring’ and the black honey on me is not good. BUT I think I’ll take a look at the honey version as well.

May- gldn, made by Mary, and Caitlyn minimalist are all great for dainty gold and silver jewelry. I have super sensitive skin and piercings, and they done great with these brands.

I’ve loved my GLDN jewelry! It’s held up for years with no signs of wear, and the pieces are minimalist but with some special twists.

As a side quest, jewelry we can leave on in the pool! In the shower! While I’m on a sweaty walk in August! And still looks fresh and clean and nice. Any suggestions?

I love Bronwen Active Jewelry. It’s tarnish proof items designed for you to wear 100% of the time. I wear mine to the beach, gym etc. It’s sterling silver and gold vermeil mostly, so won’t last forever but I’ve worn my pieces for more than 2 years! Pretty simple and fresh designs.

Local Eclectic Free People Silk Purse Sow’s Ear

Try oh clem. I don’t know what you mean by solid but it’s tarnish free and hypoallergenic. Super sturdy and wearable and very affordable. My teenager and I both love it

I’ve had success with gldn and Able (able clothing out of Nashville) The catbird items I have a silver, but they are perfect minimalist jewelry.

I love the UK-based brand Catch Rhys. They use recycled solid metals to make all of their pieces and their designs are intentionally timeless. After having less than a year’s wear out of not much cheaper, plated jewellery I’m a convert to wearing solid metals that you can just put on and not think much more about! Unfortunately, gold and silver prices are super high right now but I’ve considered it an investment…https://www.catchrhys.co.uk/?srsltid=AfmBOoodkEOCEihG2XwOWur3VAeZYGZfCXps63Ayvrgt7Umrlw00foo6

Others might disagree, but I’ve been very happy with my jewelry from Quince and it’s held up for years now.

GLDN is my go-to for jewelry (especially earrings, which are the main type of jewelry I wear – but I also have a wonderful bracelet and necklace from them too) https://gldn.com/products/minimal-pearl-bead-bar-bracelet https://gldn.com/collections/studs/products/astra-white-sapphire-bar-studs love to pair these with the morningstar studs https://gldn.com/collections/jewelry-sets/products/signature-stacking-stud-set

Hi may! Ana Luisa makes really nice affordable costume jewelry. If you want better materials, Etsy is awesome. It’s a bit overwhelming to sort through but just type in minimalist jewelry and sort by sterling silver or 10-14k gold and you’re gonna find tons of amazing options.

Gorjana has pretty minimalist pieces that won’t break the bank!

Thank you all so much for suggestions, I’m excited !! Off to check out these sites now!

Love Mejuri, I have several things from them and I’ve loved it all and it’s held up very well!

You have to buy real gold and silver, period. Save up. Otherwise, a tip a salesperson gave me for a gorgeous vermeil ring was to brush clear nail polish on the inside where it contacts skin to keep it from turning your skin green. This totally works. I wear the ring daily and have had no issues. But I’ve also decided to switch to only pure gold or silver from now on. It’s just simpler and one less thing to think about.

For me, as a 24 year old, living with an abusive, addicted boyfriend (who was, uhm, 19) it was an easy choice. I wish you peace with whatever you decide! <3

My kids are 14 months apart. It was very tough in those early days (Covid, remote teaching during lockdown, not being able to address postpartum blues, and not having the time to find the essence of who I was again before I found myself pregnant again). My kids are truly each other’s best friend (they’re now 6 and 7). They keep each other company, entertained, tell each other everything, and have each other’s back(they also argue, fight, squabble all the time lol). I decided to go through with my pregnancy because I knew eventually I would want a second child and I might as well go through all the physical hardships of motherhood (lack of sleep, potty training, baby led weaning) at relatively the same time instead of letting too much time get in between. We also had all the baby stuff so I wouldn’t need to buy anything new (my first pregnancy we kept the gender a surprise so everything we bought and received was gender neutral). I love that my kids are basically experiencing all their milestones at the same time, have basically the same age appropriate interests (ex: they watch the same movie without being bored because it’s either too babyish or too mature). I’m glad I made my decision, they are the two loves of my life and I love watching them experience life together. I am sure you will make the best decision for yourself and your family, no matter what you decide.

I had an unexpected pregnancy while doing my PhD, and my kids are 2.5 years apart. I finished the degree and now have two delightful big kids (tweens!) as a single parent. There is never a “good” time to have a baby. I’m not here to argue that you should keep it, but I am here to tell you it’s possible, and beautiful, and hard – just like any parenting situation. Your heart will tell you what the right choice is for you.

Oh, Rachel, sending you love. My first was a surprise, and I wasn’t sure I wanted kids. (She’s a tween now and I love her so much, she’s an absolute joy.) I know your situation is different, and 1.5 is a very busy age. She will be 2 and some change in 9 months. Maybe she’ll be potty trained, maybe not. She will be able to communicate much better than she can now, and it will be easier in some ways and harder in others. My kids are 4 years apart, and it’s nice. My 4yo was more independent, which was great at the time, because I didn’t have (more like I didn’t ask for) a lot of help. Now that they’re a little older, I see the benefit of having them closer together. I often wish they were 2 or so years apart so they may have more in common. My friends with kids who have that spacing say it’s hard at the beginning, but then you’re out of it quickly and you get into a rhythm. I can’t think of anyone who says they wished they waited for their second kid. But there are no bad decisions here, only choices that will lead you down one path or another. You’re doing great, mama. Big hug to you.

Aww man, I didn’t answer your question. I was in grad school when I had my surprise pregnancy, but I finished while I was (hugely) pregnant. Then I had to complete a 2-year rigorous licensing process while she was in the newborn to toddler stages. I knew it would be very difficult, but I thought about how old lady me would have wanted my life to look, and having a kid or two with this man that I love seemed like a nice way to live. And with dogs, I knew I wanted to always have at least one dog. I physically wrote a pros and cons list, and the cons seemed more superficial – mostly related to money and independence – than the pros, so I took a chance, and it has been such a fun/exhausting/confusing/powerless/wonderful ride. Good luck <3

No time will ever be the perfect time, and the under-three-year age gap is so wonderful and life giving. Don’t look back!

i nevame.pregnant withy second child at approximately the same.time.- and it tooke ages to realize it bc my period had not come back (i was still breastfeeding). i was so shocked at first, i did mot even know how to tell my husband… after a while though, we decided that this was the surprise baby we were supposed to have – she just chose the time to join our family on her own. i also was not sure if i could become pregnant again (it took more than a year to conceive the first time around, and i was 36 at that point), so for me it would have felt like too much of a gamble now when i see them playing and laughing together, enjoying the same games… everything feels right for me and however you will decide – it will be right for you ❤️

Wow, Rachel, what a big decision! I don’t have any advice or a similar experience, but I do want to offer you another vantage point as someone who struggled with infertility for five years before having my daughter. We were pleasantly surprised to get pregnant naturally and easily with our second, and it was such a shock and incredible blessing after all the struggle and heartache and financial and emotional burden we’d been through for all those years. That part of me who struggled for so long wants to say that you should consider going for it, but only you and your partner will know what’s best for your situation. I wish you both the clarity, peace of mind, and all the support and love you need either way. ☮️ ❤️

My second was an unexpected pregnancy (I was finishing my phd and I needed to rewrite the whole process and plan that I had had in mind). It was the best thing that could have happened to us, though. The kids grew up close in age and it is a blessing indeed — well, after the first 1-2 years for sure. Crying on the loo with the positive test in my hand: that was a life changing moment for me, too. I realised then that life is not about me marching through my lovely and tidy planned to-do list, there are some curveballs indeed. (I’m ashamed to say but that had been me before.) I don’t know what the curveball is for you, keepig the pregnancy or letting go, but you will be fine whatever you decide. I’m sending you a virtual hug and lots of love!

As a parent of two kids who are now teens and just 20 months apart: with all my heart, go for it! We had just moved to a new country and yes, there were clear trade-offs for having a second child in terms of career stuff, no family nearby etc, but having two little kids close in age has many rewards, from them being close to playing w each other for years etc.. And, what if you decide to not go ahead but then struggle to conceive or carry a new pregnancy through, that is, we cannot always ‘time’ life… Or, what if a new baby further in the future turns out to being…or, who knows what else might happen with you or your partner? As I am turning 50 soon, I look back at the years of early family life and wish I had tried way harder to convince my then-husband to have a third child, but back then it was seen as ‘bad timing’ and ‘let’s first…’ and then the topic/age passed.. So, from my corner: perhaps you can find peace with leaning into curiosity and uncertainty and stay on the ride…life!

I have terminated a pregnancy prior to having my children, so please know I fully support your right to choose. I have friends who terminated a pregnancy and then found themselves unable to have another successful pregnancy down the line (not related to the termination, more so age.) If you intend to have a second child, I would personally go through with the pregnancy rather than terminate. My children are 19 months apart and got along wonderfully when they were little.

Hi Rachel, I trust you to make the decision that is right for your family. Lean into your inner knowing. Xoxo

My second child was a terrible pregnancy and lots of health issues. I found myself pregnant again and had a debate on if I should keep it. I was really looking forward to being out of the baby stage and to achieving some goals that the cost of childcare will not allow for. I did go through with it mainly because I felt like I did have capacity for another kid even if it would push out other goals. In my case the older kids are obsessed with the baby and it’s been weirdly the easiest transition. I hope you find peace in your decision. Best of luck!

I am pregnant with my third and my kids will be 1.5 years apart, much closer than expected. It will be hard but SO worth it! You will never regret having it but you may regret not having it. Just my two cents!

Can not choose for you but we also had our four kids with just 18 months apart on average. They are such great friends most of the time. It is weird to hold a toddler and a pregnancy test at the same time though, everytime I thought wait what, I already have one. And your eldest will start walking during your pregnancy which is no joy. Bu we thought let’s roll with it and it turned out fine, also career wise.

Had such a similar situation (down to the spouse finishing a PhD and the age of the first child), and kept him–four years later, they are (mostly) BFFs and it is wonderful to see them play together.

I think the key sentence here is “we know we could do it”. That counts a lot and means you can make a decision based on what you *want*. Lots of people are cornered into terminating pregnancies whether they want to or not because they know that it’s not a reasonable or healthy choice for them to welcome a new child at that time. So… what do you want?

One thing to perhaps consider – it can be harder to get pregnant again after a D&C. Don’t take it for granted that you’ll be able to easily have a second kid on your preferred timeline! Even if pregnancies 1 and 2 were very easy to come by. Good luck with your decision!! For what it’s worth, grad school + babies was my life as a parent and also my life as a young child (while my dad did his PhD) and I loved that combo, both as a parent and as a little one. It felt so special to go on campus with my dad and eat at the cafeteria! Made it even more special when I brought my babies on campus with me when I needed to. I look back so fondly now and while there’s stability to our lives now that we are in our careers (but also, is there really? Layoffs left and right), I would make the same decision a million times over to do grad school and babies at the same time – it just had some special perks I wouldn’t have expected ❤️

Hi Rachel Sounds like you’ve have had a lot of great encouragement to go for it, from women who have had relatively close age gap kids and it’s been great. This spring when my daughter was 15 months old I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. I have a delightful 12-year old stepson who we have half the time, am 41, and never imagined having another child. For a whole host of reasons, I terminated the pregnancy and have felt nothing but relief since that time. I knew I did not have the mental, physical, or emotional capacity to be the kind of mother I want to be to a second child so close together. Many women DO have the capacity for that, everyone is different. I don’t have magic words of wisdom but sending you peace as you make this big decision for yourself and your family.

I got pregnant many years ago when my now-husband and I were dating and we decided not to keep it, but it was a very difficult decision. At the time, we were in our early/mid-20’s, both starting businesses, weren’t married (or even living together), and weren’t really sure about having children at all. I think if any of those factors had been different, we probably would have made the other choice. Back then, our niece was about 2 years old and lived nearby… we thought it would be nice to have such a close age between cousins. But now it’s more likely she’ll be babysitting for us! (Nearly a decade later we don’t have kids but are starting to think about it.) You’ve already made the big decision to become a parent. You never really know what the future holds, so although the timing might not be ideal now, there’s no guarantee it would be ideal in the future either… just different.

I am not a mother. And I’m so thankful I haven’t had an accidental pregnancy and have had to make the choice you’re making now. I’ve thought about it. I’d likely end one. I’m financially stable. I LOVE babies. I like kids. It’s just. I dunno. I’d end it and it would still be a hard decision. I want you to know you don’t need a “good enough” reason to end a pregnancy. Do what feels right and try to be at peace with that decision. I will say. I’m a product of failed birth control. My parents had a one year old with a life threatening, rare disease when my mom became pregnant with me. For religious reasons, they decided not to abort me. My older sister died three weeks after I was born. Had they not been religious, I’m not sure what decision they’d make. I do know my mom stopped believing in god for a long while after and it was my dad who took us to church. My mom wouldn’t go. There’s really no right answer. I do think it will work out either way. I truly believe that. I’m sorry.

That’s going to be a great age gap for siblings, and a newborn is lots of work at any time. I like to think about these things from an eighty year old perspective. Will I regret having my kids? Absolutely not. A child will be a joy for the rest of your life. I

I feel a bit like you looked for encouragement and you got it. For others who might be in a different situation who feels bad because she feels like she can’t handle to kids under 2: , the experience of motherhood is so so different because we are all different, our kids are different and our circumstances are different and we have different hopes and dreams. I have twins, I find the fear of overwhelm absolutely justified. Things an be difficult and enjoyable, and they can be so hard that you are so overwhelmed that you can’t breathe anymore and have no air in yourself, no peace for a second to enjoy and connect with one child before the second one starts crying. And see above, we are all different and what overwhelmes us (stress, pain, no time, financial insecurity, health issues of your own or children…) is totally different, I know a mother of 2 kids + triplets who exhausted but happy swims in the ocean of chaos and I don’t know apparently unlike me doesn’t miss the 1 on 1 time (plus me time to be honest) so much. I wouldn‘t want to change my twins in the world AND if someone asks me because they consider to implant 2 embryos I would definitely ask them to consider their support system and level of introversion. So two kids close aren’t twins I just felt like voices who were like hm, not all fears are unjustified were missing. Last piece of advice – if your heart is a pro but head a con – see what kind of village you have or could build, it doesn’t have to be family. I find that one of the most beautiful aspects of my twin parenthood – I think with a single child I probably wouldn’t have let friends hold them so much or spent so much time at my parents/MIL. And my kids know and experience that they are not only loved by us parents but also loved and held and comforted by their grandparents,babysitter and some family friends

40 years ago, I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly with our second child and my husband was just starting his business. We had planned to wait another year, but it happened and we went through with it. It was tough, but we survived. Our oldest was 3 when her sister was born.

Sending you so much love, Rachel! What incredibly difficult decision. Have you read Sandwich by CoJ favorite Catherine Newman? In it, the main character reflects on having an abortion and a miscarriage when her now adult children were young. Cheryl Strayed has also written some Dear Sugarcolumns that address similar questions with compassion and wisdom. There’s no right or wrong answer here, but maybe their writing could offer some insight and sympathy. Whatever you choose, you and your family can have a beautiful life.

I terminated my unexpected pregnancy when my eldest was 1year exactly. I was not ready. When I was eventually ready to have a second, I had infertility and had to undergo ivf, had a miscarriage, did more ivf. Had a second when my eldest was 5.5 years. Even during the ivf when we did not know how it would turn out, I never ever regretted it. ‘Not ready right now’ was reason enough. Babies are hard, postpartum is hard, I did what was best for me and for my older kid. Deeply happy I did it

You don’t need a “good enough” reason to decide to terminate. You can trust that you know your capacity and what’s best for your family right now. Reflecting on what to do is beautiful, move with intention even if things feel like they are not quite as your intended. They will be soon. Hearing other’s stories can help, yes, and this is your story. You got this, Rachel. I was pregnant sooner than planned with my 2nd. It was nice to not have to decide to get pregnant. I felt some shame about it (from my midwife who commented it was soon) and then showed up at a playdate where 3 of the 4 of us were unintentionally pregnant with 2nd babies (and the 4th used her surrogate again a few months later). Many of us make it work! And. It’s really, really, really okay if you can’t/don’t want to right now.

Not sure if this helps, but with difficult decisions, I often ask myself what my five-year-old self would say (if she could see the future) and what my 95-year-old self would say (looking back as hindsight when some of the ‘big’ things no longer seem so big). Also wanted to say, that like most things, inconvenience and unexpected events short-term sometimes turn into the most wonderful things long-term. :-)

I had one surprise when I was reasonably young and it was an easy decision that I wasn’t ready to be the parent this child needed, emotionally, financially, relationally. I could have done it, but I have not once regretted not doing it. When I did have my first, we waited to have a second and then it took awhile longer than I hoped, so they have a 4 year age difference. Even with the age gap, I found the transition from 1 to 2 quite challenging, but never once have I regretted that decision either. My takeaway, I guess, is that in your heart of hearts, you often know the right answer for you. But also, you can only control what you can control. You can control this yes or no decision, and then the work is in accepting all the things, good and bad, that come after. Don’t worry yourself with the what ifs of it all, you were never in charge of them anyway.

I was in a similar situation and had an abortion. I was a PhD student and our daughter was nine months old when I got pregnant while breastfeeding. We knew we wanted a second child and we knew it was too soon. I also knew that my planner brain couldn’t make the future turn out exactly as I wanted (indeed, after deciding it was time for the second kid I had a miscarriage) but I was okay with that. Our second kid was born three years after the first, a bigger gap than I would have liked, but it was absolutely the right set of decisions for us. I found out about that pregnancy three days before submitting my dissertation. I want especially to say that I totally understand the high bar of a “good enough” reason to terminate a pregnancy, and know that that reason doesn’t need to be “good enough” to stand up in a court of public opinion, just you and your partner. It’s valid to have some faith in the future. Sending love and grace.

Just returned from a ‘girls weekend’ with my unplanned second child, who is now 15 years old. My oldest child (planned) has been a source of immense heartache and worry and our second “baby” (unplanned) is the greatest source of joy in my life.

Bless you! My first pregnancy was unexpected and my marriage was complicated. My friends responded with: we love and support you no matter what you choose to do. It ended in a miscarriage anyway, so that was my way forward. Find those people.

My second child was an unexpected surprise and she was born with so many health issues and disorders…. We only screen for Downes syndrome where I live, and that came back looking healthy…. I love her and have shaped my life around parenting these kids, but it is a different life than the one I thought we were all going to be living. I am also a single parent and I wasn’t when the pregnancy started. Life, huh, no guarantees…..

My kids are 15 months apart. It was wild for a few months when they were babies, but looking back, I think it was actually easier in some ways. They were always in the same “phase” – teething, napping, middle school, teen driving …

Both our children were surprises, 19 months apart. We so longed for the excitement of a “wanted” pregnancy the second time around and the first weeks were a mourning of that reality. Ultimately we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy because we had the capacity and resources to support another child and the reality of a termination where we currently live would be too hard on my body and mental health. Now he is nearly 2. Sending you peace in whatever you decide.

Thank you, everyone, for such kind and thoughtful responses. It means so much to me to have so many women who I don’t even know sending their support and encouraging me that I’ll know what the right decision is. The lack of judgment was so helpful. I’ll remember all of your stories for a long time. And now to the punchline: after much (much) conversation this weekend and many tears, we decided to keep the baby! Somehow I feel very at peace with this decision, even though of course it will make our lives much less peaceful, haha.

I had a 10-month-old baby, and was still breastfeeding, when I got the surprise that I was pregnant again. I called my parents in a panic and I was explaining how the timing was all wrong. My dad said, “There is never a convenient time to have a baby.” And it really resonated. I still think of it. If you’re going to go for another, the extra cost/time/effort/chaos will never be convenient. Good luck to you.

Congratulations, Rachel! I’m excited for you and your family.

Hi Rachel – your gut is a good enough reason :) Trust it. There are a million reasons why this could be a yes or no. Just ask yourself “do I want to do this?” and go with the answer that comes to you naturally, regardless of weighing all the different reasons to move forward or not.

I loved that line so much, and the way she slipped it in at the end. This piece was lovely.

I just ordered “Offshore.”

I’m also excited for this! And if you need something in the meantime check out Wicked Little Letters with Olivia Coleman

Ah, thanks Susan! I see it available on Hulu now. Whenever Olivia Colman is mentioned in COJ I think of this 2019 post which I have shared with a zillion people (mostly for the cat humor) but also the OC comment- cartoon by Jessica Olien https://cupofjo.com/2019/09/06/lesser-known-love-languages/

Susan, I hope you see this comment. I was cry-laughing last night at Wicked Little Letters. Thank you for that glimmer share!!

they look a lot like these, maybe with the branding air brushed out? https://www.miumiu.com/us/en/p/tyre-technical-fabric-and-suede-ballerinas/5F416E_D7C_F0002_F_005

The Miu Miu Tyre ballerinas, according to a google image source! Looks like there are many knockoffs from various brands, though; so if you aren’t an unconditional fan of Miu Miu prices, you can still get pretty much identical sneakerinas at more affordable price points.

I developed a very different view on wicker since I saw the trailer. It is everywhere & now I can have a giggle with delight. Will def watch this film. Oh Olivia!

Sag paneer is always my choice when I get a Friday night takeaway :) sending hugs.

I love this. I also love that your comment doesn’t denigrate someone else’s choices—they’re just different, not wrong! I’ve had a long hard few days in the hospital with someone that I love. If I’d picked a different path, they might never have been anyone to me. Today that feels unimaginable, like this is the path I was supposed to wind up on, but I also don’t think there’s just one. Thank you for this reminder that we all have so many paths we could take and you’re right, we’ll just never know. (And they’re doing well as of tonight, thank goodness)

And my partner’s mother tongue is Spanish so now we are all reading El Eternaut.