What Did You Do This Weekend?
How was your weekend? A few months ago, a CoJ reader named Molly asked if we could share weekend recaps now and again, so here’s mine, and please share yours in the comments, if you’d like…
My honorary niece Grace, who lives in England, is spending the summer doing medical research in New York — I’m so happy she’s here! Since Saturday was very rainy, we took her to Art of Play, a magic and games store in Brooklyn Heights.
We loved playing with the little puzzles. If you figure one out, the shop owner rings a bell, which felt like peak excitement to a 13-year-old, 16-year-old, 23-year-old, and 47-year-old.
Later, I saw this funny New Yorker comic…
..and met up with Alison, who, like the amazing weirdo she is, now carries a trash grabber wherever she goes. “People who pass by sometimes compare me to David Sedaris,” she laughs. “But it’s a small way to give back to the neighborhood.” (Side note: How cute is her skirt?)
We then went to our friends’ apartment to watch England play in the World Cup — what a game, gahhh!!! (This Onion headline made me laugh.)
Finally, and at long last, Freddie got back from a week-long cruise with his extended family.
We laughed that every phone call from the ship felt like this: “I’ll come back to you, I promise!” Also, did you know that actress Sonya Walger, who played Penny, is also the author of the incredible novel Lion and is ALSO a Cup of Jo reader???? How amazing is that?!!
Now, please tell me: What did you do this weekend? How are you, overall? As always, I’d love to hear. xoxo
P.S. More weekend recaps, and what has made you laugh lately?
Tags: anton, personal, toby, weekend recap
Comments
255 commentsI haven’t thought of Desmond and Penny in years and now this just came out from the Guardian… someone over there must read COJ! https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2026/jul/28/lost-penny-desmond-best-tv-love-stories-interview
Freddie looking CUUUUTE!!
We ended our week long vacation at a Jellystone campground for a couple night in one of their rustic cabins. It was so fun to watch my kids join into a big hoard of kids playing night games together. They stayed up late and meltdowns were had, but it was such an old school, classic summer weekend that I remember loving as a kid and now I’m determined to make my family and friends do something similar with us next year! Ties back to the recent post about travel on a budget – don’t sleep on (but do sleep in) campground cabins!
I love Sonya Walger and I’ve not even watched lost! I know that she has been in lots of things but I know her from the Bookish podcast which she used to host (the best podcast ever! Also the first podcast I listened to). Each guest had to choose the 5 books that have really moved them. It’s a shame that it’s ended but you can listen to the old episodes. I can’t wait to read Lion.
Spent the weekend in Cambria. Wine tasting. Went to the Justin wines and give it 10 stars. Get the chocolate flight in addition to sips. There is a varied food menu as well. I like Cambria as much as Napa. Highly recommend.
Woo, love to see a Cambria shoutout! I live in SLO, not far from Cambria. It really is the best here :)
Omg I was in that area this weekend, too! My family did a road trip to Lake Cachuma, and on our way back home we spent a few hours in Pismo :)
Cambria/San Simeon is my fav place in the world <3
Marie!! I’m in SLO too!!
I thought about not writing this, but I think it might be cathartic. I spent the weekend taking good care of myself after one of the most bizarre weeks of my life. About 6 months ago, I started to realize that my boss of two years (the executive director of a very small nonprofit) is pretty unstable. But I didn’t understand the extent of her instability until last week. Last Monday, I was trying to catch up on work that was overdue. She called up to the receptionist and asked for help with bringing up eight (very light) conference table chairs from her illegally parked car. The receptionist and another staff member went down to help, and I stayed behind to answer the phone and continue my work. After the chairs were brought up, my boss stopped at the door to my office and started screaming at me because I didn’t also help with the chairs. She said things like she can always count on me not to help when she needs it and how dare I ignore her request and who did I think I was and why hadn’t I apologized for not helping. In addition to the screaming, her words were very surprising. I hadn’t known until that moment that she felt those things about me. I am proud to say that I stood up for myself and said things like I’m not apologizing for doing my work and that she had no right to scream at me. I closed my door because I was upset and didn’t want to talk with her anymore. To my surprise, my body began to shake, and tears started streaming down my face, and I felt VERY unsafe. I was a bit in shock and confused and not thinking clearly. I called my husband to tell him what had happened and that I did not want to continue working in this office, and I’d decided to give notice. He was in the middle of a meeting but briefly expressed concern and said we could discuss details later. I continued to shake with tears streaming down my face while working. Looking back, I’m really not sure why I didn’t go straight home. I did not stop crying for several hours, and the shaking did not stop at all. I spoke with a very supportive and concerned colleague whom I regularly work closely with, and she validated that my boss’ behavior was out of line and unsafe and said I should prioritize my safety. I stayed home from work the next day to recover from the emotional strain. I couldn’t talk about what happened without crying. My therapist agreed that I should resign effective immediately. We talked about how my boss’ behavior had triggered a nervous system response because I grew up with a single mom who frequently blew up and her outbursts were unpredictable and unexpected and my childhood focus was to do everything I could so she wouldn’t yell anymore which was of course futile. My boss had not reached out to me at all. On Wednesday, there was a meeting that involved almost all of the staff, so with the help of my friend, the receptionist, I slipped in to tie up a few loose ends and pack up my belongings. Then I left. She and I met at my house to “celebrate” (so not the right word, but it did feel exhilarating to have pulled off my exit). Another friend of mine stopped by to check on me, too. Once they’d all left, I emailed my resignation. It was succinct and boiler-plate. Three minutes later, I received an email from my boss that I at first assumed was in response to my resignation. But as I read it, I realized she had not seen my resignation yet, and we had just happened to send our emails almost simultaneously. Her message began, “I hope I’m not responsible for [your absence]. If I am, that’s unfortunate. I acknowledge my anger toward you. I also believe it’s understandable. Since you don’t think so, I encourage you to reflect on your initial choice not to help…” and I realized she did not think she had done anything wrong and was *justifying* her behavior. I could not read the whole message and I began to shake and cry and have a full blown panic attack with heart palpitations because it dawned on me that I had not been safe at any point in my time there, that this is who she truly was. Once she saw my resignation email she responded to that as well with attacks about my choice not to give notice and how she was surprised that I would choose to depart rather than do what she asks me to do. I’m shaking, and my heart is racing as I write this. I saw my therapist the next day, and she affirmed that this was extremely unhealthy behavior, and I was right that I had not been safe and right to leave the way I did. As I took care of myself I realized that my boss was a textbook narcissist and I had missed a lot of signs of this because I had worked really hard for years at *not* being hypervigilant and who actively looks for signs of narcissism in people? But once I started looking back, I saw more and more signs. And I felt angry that I had missed them. And I felt scared. And it all feels so unreal. I have never resigned from a job with no notice nor avoided an unsafe boss. No one other than my mom has yelled at me in my entire adult life. So, I spent the weekend trying to stay in my body and reassuring myself that I am safe now. The heart palpitations didn’t stop until Saturday night. I’ve heard that my boss continues to denigrate me openly and justify screaming at me. I still can’t believe that it all really happened.
The best way to deal with a narcissist is to get out of their realm of control. Sorry.
Dawn, what a chilling story! I am proud of you for leaving. Much peace.
Dawn, I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I’m sorry that you were treated that way. I hope you’re finding the support you need.
Wow I am so sorry this happened but glad to hear that you were able to make the decision to leave this situation!
Thank you Andrea, Cal, Analise, and Emily L.! I wasn’t expecting any responses and I appreciate your kindness so much. Leave it to the CoJ community to know when a kind word will help!
Dawn, that is total insanity and I am so sorry you had to go through that! BUT – amazing props to you for leaving, recognizing an emotionally unsafe situation and leaning on your therapist! That shows a lot of courage and hard work on your part (speaking as someone who also had a toxic yelling mom and went through therapy for family dynamics). I am so happy you are free of this situation. The impact on your nervous system might return, so stay vigilant and take care of yourself! Also – post a review of this boss on Glassdoor, even if it’s a small nonprofit!
Dawn, I’m so sorry you went through this. I had a similar situation at a small nonprofit that I finally walked away from after the executive director threw a stapler at my head. If you’re on TikTok, check out Nicole Daniels! Her nonprofit content is hilarious and so cathartic.
!!!!
I’m so sorry if this was already asked/answered, but where are Alison’s shoes from?? Already bought the skirt!!!
They are sold out! But Vince has a VERY similar version here: https://go.shopmy.us/p-73563124
Reading through all of these a tiny bit enviously because it seems so many people have built beautiful communities that I so so want but don’t currently have. We moved from NYC, where we lived for 14 years, to a large city in NC to be closer to my family (who live in another NC city a few hours away, but too small for my husband’s job) around two years ago. We’ve made some friends but don’t have a steady group who feel quite right for us. Everyone is either a little boy-scouty or way too big of drinkers for us, and we haven’t found people who quite seem to get our sense of humor etc. I’ve worked hard to find Democrats to be friends with here because I can’t stomach anyone who isn’t pro-democracy right now, but that turns out not to be enough to form a deep friendship. My oldest starts kindergarten in the fall, and I’m hoping we’ll meet some families through that who feel right for us, but my anxiety is saying, “No you’ll never find the right people here.” It’s been less than two years so I think the answer is just give it more time. Anyone have a pep talk?
Tell people straight up that you’re looking for friends, or ask someone directly if they want to be friends, like kids do. Invite them over for a snack and chat, set up a coffee or wine bar date, anything where you can bond, then make the next date that day. You are NOT the only lonely one!!! Direct is best, it just makes your intentions clear. If no one responds to that, then yes, you’re in a tough spot. In that case, maybe get radical and host a block party, just for the heck of it. Drop off simple hand written card invites by personally going door to door with a smile and quick invite. It should look super easy, nothing overdone, so people don’t feel pressure. Ignore any cringe or hesitation and be bold. Good luck!
Aww I felt that way when I moved from CA to TX. Having kids in school definitely helps. I also recommend being aggressively friendly and asking anyone who MIGHT be a fit to coffee. It’s okay if it doesn’t work out, but you need to cast a wide net. Keep trying!
Hi! I’m a native New Yorker who lives in NC now and loves Cup of Jo and new adult friends! If the large city you’re referring to is Charlotte, I’m in the area and would love to get coffee or something some time! (I’m a democrat and drink maybe two glasses of wine every other week or so, haha!)
I was in the same boat after moving from L.A. to a smaller area in California three years ago. I also immediately got pregnant and had a baby, so I felt extra isolated. But now, I can say that I’ve built a decent community here, and I feel connected. My best advice is to join groups. I was lucky to have been invited to a bunco group by an acquaintance, but I also joined a soccer pickup group where I knew absolutely no one. I still don’t have the super deep friendships I had before, but that’s okay. I know it just takes time and continual effort! Maybe there’s a yoga class you can join, or you can look into local “young professionals” or similar groups that meet up in your area. My husband joined a softball team through our local professionals group, and we made friends with a couple he plays with. It’s also some trial and error, for sure. You won’t click with everyone, and sometimes it takes a while to click, so don’t give up!
I can 100% relate after moving form NYC (there for16 years) to Florida. It took us 4-5 years and moving into a new neighborhood to find our people here. There were some bizarre fits and starts with some local parents where I thought we had found new friends, only for it to be revealed that our values (not just politics) were actually not compatible to friendship at all. It also felt like a lot of people here already had established friend groups or extended family groups and were not interested in adding new friends. Anyway, my community here now is composed of a mix of one really tight female friend and a book club group I started with 5 other moms that has organically turned into more than just book club meetings. We also have a handful of neighbors that we’ve gotten to know, like the elderly veteran who hand delivers us homemade cookies every week, or the parents of a toddler two houses down who like to host impromptu summer driveway parties, or the guy around the corner who shows up any time my husband is working in the garage to chat about carpentry and race cars, or the slew of neighborhood kids of various ages who’ve decided that our house is THE hangout house this summer. There are levels to our relationships here and between them and my group texts with our friends still in Brooklyn, I feel pretty good about our community at this point. My advice – go out and do the things you like to do, and then talk to strangers who are there because just being there means you have at least something in common – farmers markets, art museums, exercise classes. And i really think finding the right neighborhood to settle into is clutch. Don’t give up! Be bold, be kind, and be honest about who you are!
It can be really difficult to find your people. I like Terra’s idea of a block party. My neighbor has organized one every summer for the last 5 years and it’s always fun (even if I don’t feel like going at first). Potluck style is easy and you just need to set up some tables. Everyone can bring chairs from home. I randomly found a good friend through the Culture Study newsletter. There are readers from all over the world and Anne Helen does a “find a new friend” thread a few times a year. You might meet another dem that gets your sense of humor.
Kindergarten is going to be a great way to meet people. Everyone is new! We invite whole families from my daughter’s kindergarten class over. We say “why don’t you all come over for dinner this weekend? We’ll order pizza.” Keep it casual! You’ve got this
You are going to have to be the one to keep reaching out and form connections. Remember, nobody knows that you need a friend except YOU. I am sure that your child starting school will help! Even if you have a brief exchange with a parent in the class, ask if they’d like to grab a coffee sometime! It may hurt if they say no or can’t make the time – but keep going and someone will say yes. Nothing will change if you don’t put it out there. Good luck!
I relate to this so much. I moved back to an area where I had a lot of college friends and had a baby a little over a year ago— but none of my old friends have kids, or plan on ever having kids. Is this the zillenial plight?!! Sure, they enjoy hanging out with us from time to time, but it’s like we live on different planets now, and I really mourn the connection that parenting would bring to our relationships. And yes, I need to make parent friends… but parents are busy people so it’s been hard. I have tried to reach out but feel overbearing a lot of the time and don’t want to force it. I even got ghosted by a new parent friend… whoops!
This weekend I planned a hike and a cycle but my husband wasn’t feeling up to it, so we had a short walk and then I cycled alone. Again. This is the first summer that my teens are really doing their own thing, one working abroad for 3 months (he’s 18) and the other doing a mix of coaching, sport and friend time (he’s 16). Neither of them really need me, or want to spend much time with me. We have a good relationship and I know it’s developmentally healthy and normal, but I miss them. I’m watching all my friends with younger kids enjoy holidays together and I feel like that phase is over for me, and that’s sad. I’m 41, bored of my job, and I don’t know what’s next.
Mamabird, sounds like you two have done a tremendous job in raising emotionally intelligent kiddos. That doesn’t make it easier! Perhaps, do a family poll of activities we WILL be doing together as a family every two weeks/ weekends? This way, your 16 yo feels like he has agency. A podcast that i absolutely love is with psychologist Lisa Damour- she has an encore episode that speaks to what you’re describing. Also, I noticed your comments about your job.- is it time to start applying elsewhere? Finding Something that you’re more passionate about.? Sending you lots of hugs!
If you’re able, plan a family vacation! Life is going to be busy and that will naturally separate all of you, especially as your kids are becoming adults and practice independence. Establish time to bring everyone together.
After a separation and soon to be divorce, I started dating a really lovely guy. He has all the qualities. But it seems I’m ready for more and he’s not. Are we breaking up? I’m not sure what to do. He has a very analytical, scientist brain and wants to compromise but I’m a passionate all-or-nothing gal and this doesn’t feel great to me. Time will tell, I suppose.
Don’t rely on time will tell, if you want to know now! You need to have that conversation with him. It doesn’t need to be a super intense thing, just say, “I’ve been enjoying our time together and I’m interested to know from your perspective where you think it’s heading.” You won’t know unless you ask. And if he doesn’t create space for that kind of conversation, he’s not a good partner.
Happy to see another person with a trash grabber! I walk my kids to school and we aim to bring ours along once a week. It’s such an immediately satisfying thing to do. Highly recommend!
Seconding this! My husband and I have recently made a hobby of picking up garbage on our neighborhood walks. It has been unexpectedly quite fun and often leads to wonderful neighborly interactions!
I went to Kansas City for the first time in my life. I swear I have been everywhere but not the DELIGHTFUL KC! I had the best time. My 14 year old is in the Sea Cadets (the junior Navy) and he did 10 days of training at a base nearby so he was so excited to sleep in a nice hotel and we ate such delicious meals and just kept saying “this place is great!”.
Live in KC suburb— thank you for the city love. It really is such a wonderful place!
We went to our favorite family restaurant and split olive oil lemon muffins and chocolate pudding to celebrate my new job! My kids “cheers-ed” me with their lemonades and the lids proved to be unreliable, so we all had damp laps for dinner. It was perfect.
We said goodbye to our beloved dog this weekend. After quite some time of wondering when it would/should happen it was undeniable that it was time. I had been trying to mentally prepare for this for so long. There have been many months of decline and increasingly intense caregiving. Working from home allowed us the ability to build our life around accommodations. The end was so peaceful and lovely. I expected to feel a lot of relief, honestly, but instead I am completely unmoored and my heart is cracked open. The entire foundation of my days is gone. The loss is more palpable that I could have ever imagined.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Danielle. Take good, good care of yourself and your loved ones during this grief season.
Sending so many hugs. What a terribly beautiful love to have it hurt like this.
I am so sorry. We just said goodbye to our 12 years old dog today. I feel exactly the same, unmoored. I was expecting this moment to be hard but I was naively unprepared for the wave of emotions I felt. Relief for him knowing he was finally pain free and at peace, sadness and gratefulness for the lovely years we had together. We chose to say goodbye at home, it was a very peaceful moment. Sending hugs if you need them.
Hugs to you. It’s the WORST. We lost our first pup (and my first dog, ever) in October right before he would have turned 12. He was a Frenchie and to make it as long as he did (with the auto-immune condition he experienced around 8) was something I hold close. Our vet said he was lucky to have us as parents who so tenderly cared for him all those bonus years. I’m sure your pup was the same way, lucky to have you all. Taking care of an elderly dog is not at all for the weak of heart. It was WAY more emotional and scary than I was prepared for and I had a ton of anticipatory grief, which I had not experienced before. I did feel a lot of peace at the end, knowing it was definitely the right call. It was strange… I always felt my husband was more of the “leader” with our dog and handled all of the bad, scary, nerve-wracking parts. At the end, I was the one who made the final call. He did not see what I saw since he was not home with him as much. I hope, with time, you feel the peace that comes with giving a dog a wonderful life, and letting them go when its time. You did the very best for your love and I am sure they’re grateful you made the hard choice to give them rest.
Oh gosh, I too had reported on a “what did you do this weekend” post with the loss of my dog last month- the outpouring of love, support and general kindness in the comments was so beautiful that I still re-read them. So paying it forward and sending lots of love and the fact that you are not alone. The first couple days are just the absolute worst, the routine/foundation of the everyday is completely rocked and everything seems insurmountable- but all your can do is ride the waves of grief. A sentiment that stuck with me the most during those first days was “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard” – Winnie the Pooh Hugs
I have been there….((((HUGS))))).
I am just so, so sorry for your loss, Danielle. It is a lonely road to do the daily routines without them there, not to mention all the special things just for them. I am thankful your dog had a peaceful passing, but still so sorry for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss Danielle. We lost our big guy in February after a lot of caregiving. One thing that I’ve done that may be helpful for you too is I’ve kept the notification on my phone that pinged every day at 2 pm for his afternoon medication. I changed the alarm to a lovely song that reminds me of him and I use it as a reminder every afternoon to take a deep breath and remember his beautiful eyes and running my fingers through his coat and mostly to say thanks for his lovely life. I felt a similar sense of aimlessness after not being able to care for him anymore and this has reserved a bit of space for him in my day. Wishing you peace as you process this grief.
We are in this season now with our little elderly dog. I have been bracing for the grief, as the unexpected loss of my soul dog last January nearly leveled me. I know I will survive it because I have clawed and crawled my way thru other losses, but it is the first few days that feel like you will be swallowed whole any second. There truly is nothing like the love and loss of a dog.
to you – and all the sweet dog-parents here – I sit in sadness with you. Our dogs are soul-friends given to us.. their time here is just too short. x
Here I am crying reading all of your comments about your sweet pups. Sending you all love – I’m sorry for your losses. Dogs are such a beautiful gift.
I’m so sorry, Danielle. Saying goodbye to my dog in 2022 continues to be one of the greatest and most painful losses of my life (and I’ve had several). I hope you’re able to take good care of yourself right now <3
I read a really nice post on Reddit that helped a lot when Sam, our almost 21 yo cat, died. Here’s the post: u/Kromulent – “I have an old dog in kidney failure too. Haven’t told her yet, she just keeps being happy. I’m old too, and I’ve had animals my whole life, mostly cats and dogs in various multiples. Do the math and you can see I’ve been here before. The way I reconcile it is pretty straightforward, and well in line with the overall Stoic approach to things. It always begins the same way- see things plainly for what they are, understand the natures of the things involved, and respond reasonably and virtuously to the reality around us. Every day I care for my animals, keeping them happy, keeping them safe, shepherding them through their day with joy, and without harm. When they get old and approach death, nothing changes. As crazy as it sounds, the day I take them to the vet to be put down is the day that I have been working for all this time – I have successfully taken them the whole way. They did not get lost, they were not unhappy, they got to live their whole natural lives the way I wanted them to live it. We made it. We got there together. When they are gone, my feelings for them don’t change. Their bodies are taken but my feelings are my own; I still love them, I am still happy to think of them, my heart is still open. What has changed is that I have a space for another thing to love, and the cycle continues again, when I’m ready to start anew. Their bodies, our bodies, everything external to us will always change and always come and go. Our love, our care, our joy belongs to us, and we apply it to what we have and to what is new.”
Sending you extra love <3 Saying goodbye to our dear dogs aka family is the worst XOXO
Thank you all that responded here. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me. What a wild and wonderful corner of the internet. To think of all the moments and transitions we have shared in the comment section. I will say to anyone experiencing the care of an aging or declining pet that I started following a hospice vet in the past several months and it was really helpful in those final days. Sometimes the algorithm hits just right and a poetry account served me this poem just after I read so many of you messages: For You Who Have Loved Old Dogs by Silas House Old Andy is a big dog, black as a night sky in the most lonesome winter months. He is fat even though he doesn’t eat much these days. His man is one of the best folks I know. They were hiking deep in the high mountains when good Andy’s back legs stopped their work. The old dog folded himself down on the path, his eyes lighting on his man’s to apologize. My friend carried him nearly a mile, this great sprawl of blessed animal, who must have lain in his arms both thankful and ashamed. They collapsed together at the end of the steep trail, holding on to each other, exhausted. I’m thankful for you who take care of old dogs. I’m glad you have one another when you need a friend the most, that you’ve had times of stillness, watching the world, that you know the grace of silence together. I thank the infinite eternity and the God of my understanding for people like you, who carry them when they need you. Three times now I’ve held an old dog in my arms as they left me. Three times I felt their heartbeats fade away on my palm, witnessing a shooting star become more darkness. The end. All is lost and gone. I’ve grieved for each of them just as much as I have for people I’ve loved. I’ve carried the sweet sorrow with me, a heft I wish I did not have to bear but one that I will always cherish now. The burden of my empty arms is the greatest weight.
I’m sorry, Danielle. It sucks to lose a beloved pet. I know I will feel the same way when the time comes for my dog. Feel all the feelings and do whatever you need to start to heal.
yessss alison! cute skirt AND trash grabbers! you’re my people
Reading through these comments has me realize that avid readers have adapted Jo speak, to some degree. A mini linguistic community! How wonderful! Things I’ve noticed: “sobbbbb!” “I pressed my hand to my heart” “my sweet friend” etc. Please add yours below!
There are some British-isms. ‘knocking around’
Aren’t these pretty common expressions that everyone uses?
@Cameron – nope!
I took my two-year-old son to the local fair, along with my husband and some friends! While we were there, though, I had a random moment where I thought I was FOR SURE going to throw up. I even ran away to find a bathroom. Took a pregnancy test Monday morning (two days early, which I never do) and got a very faint positive !!!!!!!!! It’s been 13 months trying for our second and I almost can’t believe it. Really, really, really hoping and wishing that it sticks and all goes well. I’ve had a miscarriage in the past, so it’s a little scary, and it’s so soon we’re not telling anyone just yet, so I’m shouting it here!!!!
First of all, OMG! Woo hoo! And second of all, this mama-after-miscarriage is sending you her best wishes for a healthy and happy and wonderful pregnancy and delivery. Finally, one more WOO HOO for you!
Sending you all the positive energy I have for a healthy baby!
I know that fear. Sending you all the positive pregnancy energy. So exciting!!
I had a “celestial blueprint” (ie a birth chart that goes through multiple types of readings) done for my 40th birthday at JINGTHEORY and I’ve been sitting with it for a while (it’s over 100 pages, yikes). Apart from the random horoscope reading on insta reels, this is something I don’t usually do or look into but I wanted to see what the stars had in for me, and honestly it was super refreshing to see some of my feelings / emotions validated in the reading. This part particularly was a gut punch: “When someone near you are sad or angry or anxious, you pick that up and it feels like your own feeling, even when it isn’t. This emotional sensitivity is a genuine gift and a genuine challenge. After spending time with certain people, you may feel dramatically different, more anxious, more hopeful, more flat, more energized, and while some of that shift is real, some of it is environmental. Learning to notice the difference, to ask “is this mine?” when a strong feeling arises, is one of the most important practices available to you.”
Grace, I love this for you! I had a similar epiphany about allowing emotions — mine or others — to rule me, but mine came from a therapist in the context of struggling to cope with a sister with BPD. She described it as “Your sister is driving a car of emotions. You can get in the passenger seat and let her take you wherever she’s going to go, or you can just get out.” It has honestly been life-changing for me.
I had a pretty fun, kid-centric weekend! On Friday, the air quality was hazardous in my area (northern Virginia suburbs) so our Friday night concert plans were cancelled. On Saturday, I took my 4-year old to a Mermaid reading at the library – it was delightful! Then Target to buy birthday presents for his next 2 friend birthday parties. Watched England v. France; very good fun. On Sunday, the air was finally safe enough to be out for a longer period so we went out immediately after breakfast, strolling/scooting (1/4 year olds) to the playground. In the afternoon I took the 4-yr old to aforementioned birthday party, studiously avoiding the World Cup final showing on TV so I could watch it with my husband at night. Go Spain!
Our book club (named Read and Breed after more than half of us had our first babies in the first year of forming. 15 years later and there is talk about coming up with a new menopause-themed moniker- hahaa!) went on our 11th annual camping trip! This year was momentous because it is the first year that five of the 14 year olds (the 6th wasn’t able to make it this year) had their own tent. It also marked the one year anniversary of these oldest kiddos creating their own book club (their current book is graphic novel Project Nought). Anyway, we tubed down the river, found a spot to go watch the France/England game, read and hammocked, made S’mores, played Ono99 (this one is thanks to you, Jo!), biked, the dudes played their annual bocci ball game, laughed a ton, and just had time among trees and running littles to catch up with these beautiful families who mean so much to us!
This is my dream!!
How about changing the pronunciation of Read to past tense so the boot group name becomes the also-rhyming “Read and Bred” ?
Anni – with the option to lean into “Bread” options at all meetings. :)
Still Readin’, Done Bleedin’!
Read and Bread is brilliant! What an enviable community you are a part of. Love that.
OMG Read and Bread
Im dealing with a chronic illness flare of fatigue so spent the weekend home with my pets. The pup and I took lots of slow walks around the neighborhood. Read lots. Watched trashy TV. Video chatted a friend. Did some crafts. Got some chores done. Let myself just be, which is something I’ve been working on so hard in therapy. This will never be not frustrating but I can handle it with grace and kindness and the occasional scream. And ice cream. It was a cozy, soft, nice weekend despite it all.
It was my birthday weekend, so on Saturday I did two of my favorite things: writing at my favorite coffee shop with an enormous iced latte, and did some paper crafting back at home.
Happy late birthday- it sounds like you had a lovely relaxing day :)
It was my birthday weekend, too! Happy birthday! I went to a local arts/crafts show and then to lunch with a friend.
I just got back from a little over a week in the UK (for work and then a few days of fun). Two weeks before I left for the UK, I had to move and quickly unpack as much as I could to make my house livable for my petsitter. So, this past weekend I tried to organize what was remaining. This past month has been so stressful between moving and prepping for travel (which included creating a conference presentation for my first presentation at an international conference). I’m also getting another graduate degree (will be my third, I need a career backup bc my work is under attack by our current government) and had to do all the work I missed while traveling and to prep for this week. My pup and I also walked to a nearby park to go to the farmers’ market. I didn’t move by choice, but there are some lovely perks of this neighborhood like the park. My apartment is smaller but really lovely. Even though I got rid of a lot of stuff before I moved, I think I need to offload more bc some of my furniture just doesn’t fit, including a desk I love, that I painted three separate times/colors, and that has made three whole moves with me — including two cross country moves. Trying to think creatively about how to make it fit.
I participated in a charity event where I biked 268 km. I sit on the advisory committee for the event and especially worked to get more women and new riders ready with training tips and group rides: so many of them (virtual strangers) came up to me at the event to tell me the distance that they picked and they all looked so proud! My heart was bursting and the end of the weekend and most importantly millions of dollars were raised for cancer research.
Katy, are you by chance in Alberta? If so, I did the ride too! It was my first year and it was amazing!
Yes Anna – I am in AB! Day 1 was tough… way to go for finishing.
*THIS* – like eavesdropping on all the other tables in your favourite brunch spot – with a side of the perfect soft-boiled egg on sourdough <3 For this mid-60's mom going through the most heart-breaking crisis of her life, it was a few moments of real-life therapy-reading. The simple pleasures and heavy heartbreaking news of others lives – even strangers – topped with replies of affirmation and care… well, thank-you. We share more than we think we do no matter where we are. xo
So sorry to hear you’re in the midst of a crisis. Sending virtual hugs.
What a beautiful comment! And I’m sending wishes for strength and courage and peace through this crisis.
The phone calls that felt like, “I’ll come back to you, I promise!” cracked me up – I can relate – my spouse is deployed on a ship since February, due back in 4 weeks. There’s been a lot of “I’ll come back to you” needed along the way. My weekend was very quiet with my oldest child being away at summer camp, and my youngest and I not feeling too ambitious. There was a lot of quiet, relaxed time. We watched the 1990s film The Sandlot, and it felt like baseball’s answer to A Christmas Story.
I split a delivery from The Peach Truck with a friend, so my weekend involved using my bounty of 34 beauties. Let the record show I made peach crumble, peach compote, grilled peaches, peach scones, peach muffins, and burrata caprese with peaches and cherries (my husband’s favorite). And there was still a bowl full of peaches just for eating. Good times.
Wow! Heading over now… lol
Be there soon, bb!!
What a pretty lad Toby is growing up to be!!! Sure going to mend some hearts!!!! 💗🥰
Mend some hearts! First time I’ve heard this phrase and I LOVE it!!
Joanna- would it be possible to find out the coffee table behind Freddie (in the photo with the Hot Wheels track in the corner)?
Yes! It’s from Floyd! We got it years ago and it has held up really well. And it’s a great height for kids to sit/kneel against and play.
My dear guy was supposed to be home for the weekend between trips, but his flight got cancelled because of wildfire smoke and storms. I loaded by baby-toddler into the car and we drove four hours round trip to squeeze him at the airport for 20 minutes before he took off for another week on the road. IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!
hey, hi, hello! technically this was two weekends ago – but – a friend and I did the triple bypass ride in colorado! it’s 120 miles,10k elevation gain over three mountain passes. there were many moments of fun and a smidge of wondering if we were absolutely insane for doing it! this weekend was much chiller – viewing of the odyessy (incredible), eating peaches and starting the book, James. #notpennysboat #sob #shouldweallrewatchlost?
Congrats Molly!!! from another CO cyclist, who also loves Lost. And yes, We have to go back!
Alison could totally start a chapter of our local “trash pandas” program. A wonderful mom who regularly advocates for and builds community in our area built this as a way for kids to clean up their park (with appropriate gear and even raccoon eye masks) in exchange for a popsicle! Kids love it, and they count the pounds of trash collected and now have popped up at other parks in town that could use the love.
I LOVE this! And raccoon eye masks?!? STOPPPPP.
Sunday was a beautiful blue sky day after a few days of the wildfire smoke and we gathered at my grammie’s house, which she’s selling after 65 years (she’ll be 90 this year!). My kids wanted to climb the trees in her yard one more time, and the timing was particularly bittersweet because we just lost my mom last week after a painfully quick battle with pancreatic cancer. It’s been a rollercoaster of a summer and this weekend was similar – grief, joy and everything in between.
So sorry for your loss.
Holding you in my heart, EB.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m hopeful you have some peace. Sending lots of love.
*raises gator grabber in salute* I too am the street cleaner on our block.
🫡🫡🫡
I found out my darling, perfect boy cat, Calvin, needed to be euthanized. He had been hospitalized all week, so I brought him home Friday and we spent the evening and night together getting in lots of snuggles, letting him lie in his favorite spots, and taking a few pictures. Then on Saturday I held him and said goodbye as he went on to the next adventure. I hope he opened his eyes to a new group of friends….perhaps the other cats I’ve had throughout my life. Maybe my first cat, Oreo, greeted him and told him he was lucky because she had to suffer through 9 year-old me learning how to care for a cat and he was able to reap the benefits. I spent the rest of the weekend reflecting on how lucky I was to have such a snuggly, perfect cat. And a dear friend brought me a pint of Jeni’s (Darkest Chocolate!) ice cream. It was lovely to be cared for.
So beautiful and instantly brought me to tears. Sending you so much love
rest in peace, Calvin. I really do believe there is something after this for humans and animals!
Thinking of you and your dear Calvin..Was he an Orangey ? I’ve loved and lost many cats. I’m 67 so there have been many. I have 4 now, all about the same age. 13,14,15. Two are brother sister twins. I dread the day. My youngest spent some days in hospital.3 weeks ago. I’m glad you had your “snuggly perfect cat ” and he had you. <3. This part is so hard.
this comment is so beautiful. it sounds like Calvin had a lovely life. i’m so glad you felt cared for!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Glad you got to have that lovely final evening with Calvin before he departed.
I am so sorry for your loss. We are obsessed with our cat Pinecone and I know it will be a very sad day when he goes to the big litterbox in the sky. We are so lucky to have them, and it’s so unfair that they can’t live exactly as long as us!
Ah, Emily…what an excellent and low-key send-off you gave your little pal. A friend of mine did similar with her beloved dog: let him ride in the passenger seat of the car, play in the woods and then he had an ice cream cone. I hope the tub of ice cream was a delight.
Oh Emily I know this hurt way too well and send much love. They sound so wildly loved and adored. I don’t reply believe in afterlife things but my family has always talked of the rainbow bridge so your gato is gonna meet so many wonderful friends waiting for them up there. Lots of mine will greet them with much love and play and adventure. May you continue to be cared for. Take gentle care of yourself ❤️
Oh, thank you all for your lovely comments. They brought tears to my eyes and, again, made me feel cared for. PNW Grateful, Calvin WAS orange! I don’t know how you could tell, but he was a large, buff orange boy with ear tips. Again, thank you all for the BEST comments. The COJ community is just tops.
I love the thought of your other cats waiting to welcome Calvin. Tears. So very sorry, but it sounds like he was lucky that you found each other.
Our son (our youngest child) turned 13 on Saturday. On Friday evening when I went to his room to say goodnight, I turned to leave and he said “bring it in, Mom. One last hug as a twelve year old.” Sob! My heart cracked wide open. We celebrated Saturday with a “yes” day – yes to a trip to the F1 simulator, yes to 18 holes of mini golf, and yes to a Shake Shack shake and fries for lunch. Core memories made!
Julie I was already beaming at your “one last hug” but then you just brought it home with the F1 simulator! He son isn’t old enough for most of the activities at the F1 experience in LV so he’s already mapped out his 12th birthday when he can do all the things. Core memories indeed.
My son also turned 13 on Saturday (and my name is also Julie!). I hugged him goodnight and thought- tomorrow he will be a teen- how did this happen?!
Two guy friends came over and installed a kayak rack for me and hauled a wood chipper. I did zero lifting. It’s true what they say, what one man won’t do another man (or two!) will.
That first sentence is a killer opening line for a novel I’d read.
I mean, if they weren’t 28 and unemployed I’d be interested. How’s that for a second line? Haha
Two guy friends came over. That’s it. That’s the opening line.
I don’t generally read novels and honestly never considered writing one. Is there already a semi-juicy yet poignant and reflective novel about a newly divorced 40-something who discovers that she’s suddenly very interesting to younger men?
Try “Is She Really Going Out With Him” by Sophie Cousens! It’s about a divorced woman with two tweenish kids who pick her dates for her. Younger men, older men, all unexpected me. It’s very fun!
Emily L – thanks!
perhaps this is too tedious (!) but would you ever consider doing a post on how people organize household maintenance and chores? i feel like we are always improvising what needs to be done when and the weekends can sometimes feel like an endless to do list! it seems like my grandparents’ generation had more of a rhythm – daily, weekly, and seasonal tasks ? i would love to raise my son with a sense of how to manage all those different scales of tasks but i feel like i myself am making it up from scratch! would love to hear about different approaches!!
Yes!! I would love this. I’m pregnant with my first and want to implement some kind of system or routine before the baby is born. I feel like I’m always just tackling things when they seem dirty/messy rather than being proactive.
I second this! It sounds so boring on the surface but I think it would be weirdly compelling, I would really love to know how other people tackle this stuff. As a person with ADHD, being organized and on top of chores has never been my strength. With two kids it feels overwhelming! Would love to know how others do it – what rhythm they get into that works for them?? Thanks!
I follow Dana K. White for this. She’s more about decluttering, but I’ve gotten some great household maintenance tips from her gentle, methodical approach.
Would also be interested in this topic! Also you might like Clean Mama. She has cleaning schedules with daily / weekly / monthly / rotating tasks.
I would love this too. I feel all over the place and nothing seems to get done to how I would like it. Also I feel like I need to take advantage of time during the week, just tired from the work day,- but 15 minutes might get me somewhere. Would love to hear other’s tidbits of getting chores done.
I‘d love to hear how Jo does it; but also can really recommend Dana K white’s books and blog for that; she really helped me find my personal rhythm with chores!
What works for us is we do the “basics” once a week: that’s vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, dusting, and mopping the kitchen floor. Daily stuff includes dishes, wiping the counters, wiping the kitchen table, and tidying up toys. We do our own laundry on our own schedule, so I do mine every Thursday. My husband does his own and our son’s laundry. Things we do as needed: water the garden, windex mirrors, wet vac rugs, mop other rooms, clean windows, etc. I think just getting those few basic chores done every day/week really helps keep everything manageable.
I signed up for weekly home check emails and it’s been life changing as a newly on my own homeowner. Kyshawn has an IG too. https://weeklyhomecheck.com/
Thirding the recommendation for Dana K White! She’s the best. I think she’d make an awesome interview subject too for an article on this topic.
This kind of thing is sooooo interesting!! My partner and I have a really good system but it’s different from almost everyone I have talked to about this sort of thing (and we don’t have kids). Not worrying/discussing/dealing with the minutiae of who needs to tidy the *thing* leaves lots more room for everything else!
Yes! I’d love this – especially in regards to splitting chores & aligning on expectations / what constitutes “Deep clean” :D
We never get anything done at our house but we do have a rhythm. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I work from home in the mornings because I have to pick up the kids from school and look after them in the afternoon. That’s why I do chores on those two afternoons. Usually, I clean the floors on Mondays, an on Tuesdays I do the laundry and all the grocery shopping. My husband has Friday afternoons off, so he cleans the bathrooms while looking after the children. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, childcare is arranged, so we both work the whole day. We usually both have to catch up on work and/or household chores at the weekend because we can’t get everthing done during the week. Our house is always dusty and messy, but maybe things will get better when the kids are older or when we retire :)
Yes – is there an adulting hack that I missed? AND we have a bi-weekly cleaning services but there is still yardwork, seasonal shoes to procure for ever growing feet (the shopping that never works online),gutters to clear, door hinges to change out, HVAC to manage. When will the weekend come when I just hit a farmer’s market, go for a bike ride and chill?
I’ve been working 60. hour weeks and everything has fallen by the wayside. I can’t even open my fridge. I’ve decided to just spend the money to hire a cleaner to help dig me out. It might take more than one session but once I’m back on track, I’ll be able to maintain. It will be money well spent and the greatest form of self-care I can imagine right now.
@ evenings free Thank You for that rec!!!!
Perhaps I just need to move into a rented apartment with a nice little balcony and forget about all the work that comes with keeping a house!
The difference with your grandparent’s generation is that they didn’t have to work 24/7 to make a living (apologies if they actually did!), likely the woman stayed home and did all the housework, and there weren’t insane kids schedules like there are now! Just a guess :)
Im retired so im like the dowager on Downton abbey: what is ‘weekend’? watched the world cup and drove to a nearby town for Mexican food.
I can’t wait to be retired so I can do exactly this. Love the Downton mention.
This made me smile.
Love this comment! Lol! <3
Hahahah
Just waiting on my sunflowers to bloom 🌻
Me too, it can’t be long!
I got my hair done, saw an amazing one one-woman play, played tennis (badly, which was frustrating) and watched the world cup final, of course (but way after everyone else because my son had a playdate during the game). And my husband and I squeezed in some episodes of The Four Seasons.
I’m in NM- Where in NM are you moving? I’d be happy to welcome you with a big hug! ❤️
Sorry for my Sequim typo. :(
My husband broke his ankle and had surgery last week, so we needed to get out of the house! We drove up to the Olympic Peninsula for the Sequim Lavender Festival, one our favorite summer events! Imagine fields of lush purple lavender and the accompanying scent, music…lavender lemonade and cocktails! There is a big craft and entertainment fair at a local park, and them you can go on a self guided tour of the many different farms. One lavender farmer took pity on my husband, pulled up a chair and told him all about the lavander distilling process…then gave us a tour of the farm with his golf cart, and a ride back to our car! As I thanked him, he said he was gonna offer him a beer, but figured he was probably on meds and not a good idea. We’ve been really touched by the kindness of people since the injury…meals, chores, rides……gives a nice affirmation of humanity!
I’ve been to Seauim , “The Lavender Capitol of North America!” But never during Lavender season ! Insert eye roll emoji. I’m glad people were so nice to your husband. I experienced that at Lakefair last night in Olympia also. I have mobility issues and barely made it around the sprawling fair. But it’s a tradition and I really wanted to. When we went to the lake area at end of the eve for fireworks, a really nice person offered to share his bench with my family and even offered to walk 2 blocks to his car to get me a comfortable chair. I of course declined. I was just happy to score a bench end ha. But his words and actions brought tears to my eyes. I continued to cry as I looked around at everyone there and just really felt a part of humanity for a little while. I’m crying now thinking about it. Glad you had a nice experience too.
You’re in Oly? I’m in Steilacoom : ). I always enjoy your comments.
My husband and I watched Remarkably Bright Creatures starring Sally Field on Netflix. I loved it and now I want to read the book.
Do it! You won’t be disappointed.
I love that book so much!
I just watched it, too. What a sweet film.
Loved that book. If you enjoyed that book it’s movie, you might also love one of my other favorite combo’s: Where’d You Go, Bernadette I read the book then a couple years later was amazed it was made into a movie with Cate Blanchett! Such a good book and the movie was equally great. Enjoy!
The book is even better, as most are!
Just found out my third baby is a girl! I have two lovely boys and am now so happy to have someone to pass my American Girls on to (yes boys can plan with dolls but mine have no interest lol).
thats wonderful, congratulations.
Mazel tov, Michah! I wonder who she’ll identify most with. I was a Samantha girl as a kiddo, but now I think I’m more of a Molly.
Fellow Samantha girl here, and boy mom! I gifted mine to my goddaughter and am in the process of going through many “girl” things my mom lovingly saved. I have all goddaughters, so it’s a joy to bless them.
Does Alison carry a trash bag? What does she do with the trash? I flew to Pensacola Friday to pick up my kid after a week at my dad’s place. Thy had a blast and my kid was very sad to leave his grandpa. On Saturday we spent the day at the beach. The sand on the panhandle is so soft, but my kid had some kind of weird reaction to the water – possibly jellyfish larvae? I got in the water and felt fine, but other people were coming out of the water with rashes. We flew home to the West coast yesterday. Even though it’s only a two hour time difference, throwing off my circadian rhythm for such a short amount of time felt like whiplash.
I discovered you can buy rolls of trash bags with handles! I keep them stashed in my work bag/jacket pockets/stroller/etc. I throw full bags away in the city trash bins that are placed on all our street corners. xx
I love this feature. That is all.
I agree! I love reading about everyone’s weekends!
I found out about two weeks ago that my parents are getting divorced after over 35 years of marriage. My mom didn’t expect it at all, and neither did I. Going through so many weird and indescribable feelings, almost like I need another language for what is going on. I think in the past I’ve seen people comment about dealing with a “gray divorce” as an adult child, and I would love any advice, thoughts, anything. My friends really don’t understand my feelings of sadness, grief, confusion, shock, and occasional anger at my Dad (who I also love and am both worried about and so disappointed in). I am powering through for my small children, but I also can’t believe I’ve had my last family dinner with both of my parents or that my dad won’t be there at Christmas.
Sending so much love your way!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this ❤️🩹 I had a similar experience 2 years ago (parents announced their impending divorce after decades of marriage as well, mom was surprised, I felt anger and disappointment towards my dad, and worried about both of them). None of my friends had experienced their parents’ divorces in adulthood, and it felt really isolating. I was also pregnant with my first. Therapy was helpful to simply cry, process, and learn to set boundaries with my parents. Talking with other trusted family members (like an aunt, cousin, and my husband) was also helpful. Nothing really prepares you for it, and it’s still hard 2 years later, though not as emotionally crushing. Hang in there. Sending virtual hugs to you. ♥️
This happened to me a couple years ago and I’m not going to lie it’s still a struggle. We were also blindsided by my dad’s decision and it has been hard to rebuild my relationship with him but we’re getting there. Trying to focus on my individual relationships with my parents and remind myself that this still exists even if they aren’t together has helped. Also regular wine and vent sessions with my sister has been crucial! Sending so much love, you’ll get through this.
Oh, I am so, so sorry for this pain. I am another adult daughter of divorce (also blindsided by it). My parents split when I was 28, and it felt like navigating a completely unknown world with almost zero resources out there for adults whose parents were divorcing. My best advice is, let yourself grieve it fully and all the way. You may be an adult, but you are also still your parents’ daughter, and the family of origin as you’ve known it is changing forever. That is a massive thing to adjust to and grieve. I found the book “Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak”, by Leila Miller to be really cathartic to read. It helped me feel so much less alone and like it was okay to be angry, sad, indifferent, confused, overwhelmed, or whatever emotion was hitting at the time, even though I was an adult. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a “kid” anymore – it still hurts. I’d also say give yourself lots and lots of grace and an open-ended timeline for finding a new normal. It takes a lot of time and that is okay. Ride the waves as they come, and be intentional about the small beautiful things to help you keep going. For me, those were things like good food, walks, extra sleep, time with friends, books, therapy, just basking in the sunshine, a hot bath, hugging my friends’ babies…whatever things fill you up. Sending you a hug from across the internet. <3
*Hugs*, Daughter! Even though I did not have this experience, I still feel like I may understand. My parents had a volatile relationship when I was young, whilst always trying their best to be good parents. I resented that duality sometimes, and encouraged their separation. I wanted some peace! I had a better relationship with them separately, but I still wondered why I wasn’t afforded this lifetime supply of a healthy representation of romantic relationships. I’m guessing it’s the same when a divorce was not foreseen – mourning the union we wanted to see. I know I’m biased by the fact that it was best for *my* parents, but I hope yours – especially your Mom – can extract some value out of this in time. Until then, your anger/concern/disappointment is so valid. Sending you all healing thoughts.
I can definitely relate, unfortunately. I grieved so much for my sense of family and home, and for the future I thought was all but given. My dad had been cheating, which made things difficult, and my sibling and I were not always on the same page on how to deal. It was heartbreaking and, yes, friends (even with divorced parents) don’t always get it! I did therapy briefly, and it helped, and things have improved after a few rough years. Would be happy to chat/form a club for all of us Adult Children of Grey Divorces! Hang in there!
Same thing happened to my mom, but in her case, everyone thought it was a good idea but her. She was still completely gobsmacked and so emotionally devastated that, (seriously, it was uncanny), the universe arranged for both me and my sister to be between living arrangements and we moved in with her for a year while we all adjusted our lives. There is nothing that makes my mom happier than being with us, together. My sister and I were out of touch because there is a lot of emotional distance between us, so having us together under her roof for a year at a challenging point in her life was probably really helpful for her heart. My dad moved to another state so we didn’t see him until later. I know moving in is not possible for almost anyone, but I know that for mom’s having close and probably daily contact, even by phone or video is going to be about the most supportive thing you can do. The only challenge is that she wanted to dissect and process it with us, which is not healthy. Even though we are adults, we had to work to protect our boundaries and guide her to therapy or encourage her over the course of the year, to develop friends her age, which she was able to do, thankfully. That way, it wasn’t as difficult when we eventually moved out.
Oh man, I am soooo sorry. My parents divorced very unexpectedly when I was 28 and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I grieved it like a death, and in a way, it was kind of the death of my family of origin. I found it really difficult because there just aren’t many resources for adult children whose parents are divorcing. And in all honesty, I think it’s harder as an adult because you just understand more about relationships, marriage, humans, etc., and it can be hard to accept your parents’ choices. Both my parents cheated on each other and both remarried quickly, which did not make it easier. For me, personally, it just took time to come to terms with it. Honestly, it still makes me sad, 8 years later, but the sadness is much less sharp than it was in the beginning, and in that way, it really is grief. I would definitely recommend setting boundaries with both parents. Don’t let them confide in you about the marriage/divorce. I learned to start saying something like, “I don’t want to talk about it/hear about it” anytime either parent started to talk about anything related to their divorce/division of assets/resentments/etc. I am so sorry you’re going through this, and know you are not alone <3
I am so sorry you are going through this. My parents divorced after 30 years (I was 28 and just had a baby) it was a lot. My mom went to therapy and started antidepressants which was a great thing for her. I can say now (many years later) that this was a good thing for both my parents but it did not feel that way at the time. My mom was blindsided, but it wasn’t all my dad’s fault either – I learned to forgive stuff they both did but it took time. It really is a grieving process- talking to my sisters helped a lot. Holidays/events will change and you will form new traditions. I hope you have good people in your life you can lean on – thinking of you and sending hugs your way!
Wow, I can’t explain how much each of these replies means to me. Thank you all for taking the time to write and respond to a stranger online, it truly made a difference for me to read from people who understand and who have dealt with something like this. I am so, so grateful.
I looked around my apartment all weekend wringing my hands- I am moving across the country back to NM where I’m from, and I cannot motivate myself to do the 9 million things I need to do! I procrastinated by hanging out with my dog, reading Shampoo Effect by Jenny Jackson, making a meal plan, and of course, comfort watching Schitt’s Creek. Any moving tips GREATLY appreciated!! xo
Oh where in NM. I live there and happy to meet you with a big hug when you arrive. ❤️
I have Shampoo Effect on library hold and love Schitt’s Creek ! Re: moving. I’m a procrastinator too. My one takeaway from my cross country move 3 years ago, which is not revolutionary, is get rid of AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE and then do it again. I brought so many unnecessary things with me. My daughter, helping us move in said “why do you have 10 dressers and no chairs !?” Hilarious. We donated a lot before the move but had to get rid of a lot when we got here too ! Seeing all my books while packing made me the avid library user I am today. We used PODS. Not sure if recommend. They say they move door to door but would not deliver to my new place. Why ??? I have no idea. They delivered to their pods facility an hour away and we had to transfer everything to a UHaul to get it to my house.So loaded everything twice. But if they really do go to your house I guess they are ok. If had to do over, I would pack very very lightly. I couldn’t drive a UHaul cross country because we came in an old small motorhome we got just to transport my dog and 4 cats. That’s a whole other story. They did really well though. Good luck !
I just moved. Throw all the stuff away (or donate it, give it away, recycle it). I am never moving again, I detest it so much. Helpful things I was told: Pack a “first” box which is easily identifiable and has stuff like the kettle, a towel, hand soap, dish soap, a tea towel, a cup, plate and cutlery, paper towels, sheets and a pillowcase, an extension cord, a box cutter, a roll of toilet paper and some chocolate in it (anything you find essential) and either transport it yourself or make your movers aware it needs to be set somewhere in particular. You will need more boxes and packing material than you can imagine. There is a roll of sticky plastic you can buy (looks like a giant roll of gladwrap but is much stronger) that is really useful to wrap around furniture, your television, anything you want to keep together. If you can bare it, number all your boxes on each side and keep a running list of what is in them so you can find it when you need it (this is actually really helpful and you will love having done it, but it is a pita to do). I have a large notebook (A4 size) and all my moving stuff is kept in that one place (so a list of what needed to be done at the old place and then at the new place, a list of all the companies/services I needed to change addresses with, the aforementioned lists of boxes and what is in them, records of phone calls, quotes from the movers etc etc). It’s helpful to know where it all is. Good luck, my sympathy is with you!
I also recommend “The Purge” as a vital step of moving–note that you can start from figuring out what you want to get rid of OR start by packing (or at least selecting) the things you actually want to keep (and then make decisions out of the rest). Sometimes I get stuck in decision-making and switching which direction I’m approaching this from can help. The other tip I have for packing is to think about “what do I use daily / weekly / monthly” and start by packing the least-frequently used items first. As a bonus I also find it a little easier to rehome stuff I rarely use. And finally… when my mom tries to sort through stuff, she takes each item and looks at it one by one, then tries to deal with it, then moves to the next item. I find it a lot easier to sort into piles or containers–“things that can be scanned then tossed,” “things going to Goodwill,” etc. and then process each of those batches (which can happen later!). Label the containers or piles (post-it notes and painter’s tape + sharpie are your friend) in case you don’t get to it for awhile. Ok actually one more tip… if you can, clear a dedicated space for “items that are packed or ready to go.” Then as you pack things, move them to that zone. It will be satisfying to physically see progress, and you will have a better sense of what’s left to do than if you have a box here and a box there. I used to work for a farmer who started farming while pregnant and raising a young toddler… she gave the invaluable advice to plan for distraction. Even if you are very organized and think you will remember things, just don’t leave it to chance. I am very organized and tend to remember things… but it saves so much brain space to have things labeled! And it makes it easier for other people to understand why there is a pile of X in the hallway, haha.
If you are paying for your move yourself, move very little. Clear as much out as you can..Buy what you truly need as you need it when you get there. The cost to move across country can be so wildly expensive that you can save some serious money if you don’t pay to move everything. Estate sales are a fantastic way to find great quality furniture for pennies on the dollar. Take pics or video clips of everything you do move if a company is moving you. Detailed inventory. And make sure whoever is checking off what box comes into your new home is 100% accurate or if a box is missing yet marked off the sheet, you’re out of luck.
Reading this quickly, I thought your dog’s name was Shampoo, and I was like, wow best dog name ever lol
Start with any area that’s not in immediate use, such a book shelf, and pack what you want and love. Donate what you don’t. Go the the kitchen and pack what you love of the good dishes or pots you can live without for a minute. Pack a box of shoes, cull pairs you no longer wear. I find the process of curating and letting go of items that no longer serve to be very momentum building and a good way to get excited about your next chapter. NM is beautiful!
Our sweet sweet cat has been sick for ten days, it’s been expensive and up and down in terms of his improvement. We just got news he has a mass in his stomach. They’re testing it now, but something will have to be done because it’s causing serious issues. It’s overwhelming. The costs already and now knowing we’re going to have to make another decision on what to do. I’d so appreciate hearing how other people have navigated this. I love our little man so much and want him to get better. He’s twelve and has been healthy until now. How do I began to make decisions about what we do, what we can afford, when so much emotion is tied up in this? Thank you for any advice.
I’m so sorry, Kat! Lots of love and support from another cat parent. My sweet boy is about 8 and while he doesn’t have any serious symptoms at the moment, we are also dealing with a mass that has tested as a tumor and will be seeing an oncologist this week. Do you have pet insurance? When I ran into a sudden health scare with my 12-year old cat, I think knowing that some money might be reimbursed made the financial decisions easier to stomach. And while I wasn’t able to find a policy that made sense for my 8-year old cat, I have been putting money away towards vet bills that might have gone to insurance. It’s so hard, and I try to be extra grateful for all the happy moments we share now.
I am so sorry about your sweet cat. I have been where you are and it’s heart wrenching in so many ways and hard to navigate. I was shocked by own fear and grief. I was really lucky in that one of my dearest friends is a hospice vet, and she was able to help me navigate this landscape. She helped me think clearly about my own human needs vs my cat’s needs, encouraging me to prioritize his comfort and quality of life as opposed to his length of life. If you are looking at treatment options, you might ask about the likelihood of recurrence and what treatment might actually look like for your kitty. How long would it extend his life? At what cost (not just in terms of time and money, but how many vet visits if he doesn’t like the vet, etc.)? We went through two bad health scares with this cat—the first time, it was treatable through surgery and, though expensive, he recovered fully and relatively quickly, and there was no chance of recurrence. He lived many good years. The second time it was cancer; he was older, and there was no scenario in which he could be cured. His life could be extended, but only through extensive vet visits and time in a cone (both of which he hated). That time, we chose to let him go, though we were still able to give him a few good, happy last months at home! Lap of Love has good resources, including a quality of life assessment that I found useful: https://www.lapoflove.com/quality-of-life-assessment As does Ohio State’s vet school: https://vmc.vet.osu.edu/services/honoring-the-bond And I found this interview with a vet social worker profoundly helpful: https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/interview-with-a-veterinary-social-worker.html I am so sorry you are going through this, and I’m wishing you peace and strength in the days ahead.
I am sorry, Kat. That is hard. Our 11 year old dog began vomiting one day and after 5 days of vet visits, testing, and medications to try to stop the vomiting, the ultrasound showed changes suspicious for cancer in his stomach. He was unable to keep water down, even with IV anti-vomiting medication. We opted to not do the biopsy and surgery. We brought him home instead. We had a mobile vet come to the house and our good boy was euthanized in his safe place on my bed, surrounded by his beloveds and all our love. I was a nurse for 2 decades and saw many kinds of suffering, recoveries, and endings in the human world. I learned that there is not always one “right” answer. You will make a good decision. And it will be led by love.
I’m sorry, all you pet parents going through these hard things! Audra, your story about your dog surrounded by loved ones in his safe space brought tears to my eyes! What a loved dog he must have been.
Audra, I could have written your comment about my 11 year old girl. Exactly the same, down to the five day timeframe. I will encourage everyone who ever asks to have a vet come to the house. The best decision we could have made, and an honour of my lifetime to be with her while she passed.
+1 to everything from Anon – especially appreciate describing those two health scares and keeping in mind not only what treatment costs in $ but in quality of life.
Thank you all. I knew I needed help just processing this and I knew this community would come through. Thank you all so much. Not sure what this will look like still but this is the sort of stuff I needed to hear and think about to navigate my way through. I love all of you.
I know this doesn’t help you now but health insurance for pets is so worth the money for next time!
I think about this through the lens of my own pet, as if it was happening to them. Even with pet insurance, surgeries, meds, and care can cost tens of thousands of dollars. Consider his quality of life and how many years he would have left if he got treatment, since he’s already 12. Would this cure him and give you 5-10 more years? Or, is it more loving to help him ease over the bridge and not be in pain at this point in time? Hard decisions, but you will make the right one.
I went to see the movie The Invite and was blown away. I wasn’t sure what to expect but the acting (Olivia Wilde, Seth Rogan, Penelope Cruz and Ed Norton) was so strong. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions, funny, uncomfortable, sad, relatable and just unbelievably thought provoking! I just want to talk about it with someone! My husband yanked something in his back last week so it was a very low key weekend trying to be supportive and helpful while marveling how different we are with regard to verbalizing our injuries LOL. Also doing some trip research for getaway with friends later this summer. They are hilarious and just a blast and oh so easy to travel with.
YES The Invite is so good! I didn’t watch the preview and I think it’s better to go in without knowing anything. Me and my husband have been talking about it on and off since we saw it two days ago. So many funny lines and does make you think. Sorry to hear about your husband’s back!
I saw it to with my movie club. So great. We laughed and cried. And the acting was incredible
Found out we’re having a baby girl! I spent the rest of the weekend indoors to avoid the poor air quality and flooding, roasting vegetables because of cyclospora anxiety, and daydreaming about what my daughter and I will do together. What a time to be pregnant.
Congratulations :)
To beat the NC heat, I went with friends to watch The Invite. I loved it. Sexy without the sex, smart, snappy and so funny. One friend was teary-eyed, with it hitting too close to home. So, we went for ice cream! On Sunday, I measured all the ingredients to make Sage-Infused Sea Salt Brownies from the luscious new cookbook from @forlucienyc. Baking on Monday.
That New Yorker comic reminded me of a meme I saw once: “To everyone who wrote “Stay cool” in my yearbook…I have some devastating news.” Still cracks me up.
Hahahaha
it was ‘stay sweet’ in mine. lol
It was a rough one. After many years TTC and 3 years of IVF, someone close to my announced their pregnancy. I’m just gutted. Lots of tears and alternating between feeling sad for myself and guilty for feeling sorry for myself. Sigh.
I’m so sorry, Erika. I see you xoxo
I remember those moments……hugs to you.
Oh Erika. When one of my closest friends told me she was pregnant, I texted another close friend to tell her and she immediately replied “Babe I am SO sorry” and I felt so seen that she’d know the exact mix of sadness and guilt and a slice of jealousy that I was feeling. So babe I’m so sorry, it’s really hard. It has gotten easier, helped by the pregnant friend being great and asking how we should communicate about all of it, etc, which I feel like is rare. I hope you can do what you need to do, and that there is someone you can talk to about how hard it is. And don’t feel guilty, you feel how you feel! You aren’t hurting anyone!
Erika, it’s so valid to feel how you feel. Pregnancy and children can get so complicated when going through infertility/ivf. I hate that I have a hard time being 100% happy for friends and family when it comes to this, but I’m trying to accept myself. My therapist has told me how NORMAL this is for anyone to feel having issues with fertility. I hope you can accept yourself too. Wishing you the best on your journey.
This is so hard- be kind to yourself. xx
That is ROUGH. Been there. One thing that made me laugh (a little) was when my sister told me “she didn’t steal your egg.” It reminded me that my journey hadn’t changed, even with my friends getting pregnant. Still felt sad, but slightly less so.
I’m so sorry, Erika. I’ve been there, too. It sucks SO much <3
Our small town had its annual festival this weekend which meant small town parade! It felt the quintessential Americana experience with parade entrants like the local Scout troop, high school dance team and every family owned business in a ten mile radius tossing candy and frisbees to overly delighted kids. (The girls scouts were throwing full sleeves of Thin Mints!!) Because it’s a small town we shouted out the name of everyone we know personally, (which was a lot!) and ran into friends on the way out, laughing about the absurd amount of candy our kids collected. That night we had dinner on the patio with our old neighbors with the most perfect summer breeze. Life can be terrible, but this is my attempt to romanticize my life and lean into the small pleasures, it really has helped me be more grateful!
We just got back from a family vacation with our adult children, their partners, and our grandson! We stayed in an actual castle in Northern Italy. Lots of beautiful and delicious dinners on the patio overlooking a magical view, truffle hunting, wine tasting, pools to cool off in, and gelato! When we got back on Friday, I slept 10 hours, went to yoga class, and had a green smoothie.
Ahhh, how wonderful !! : ). Thank you for sharing
I’ve been trying to bring my husband’s 3 children from Nigeria to the US for 7 years, and this weekend we got a notice that something was denied. Heartbreaking. I also found out my wonderful immigration lawyer is retiring, because the immigration landscape became too much. I completely understand, but I’m still sad to give him up and need to find a new lawyer. We are working with our congresswoman’s office, but most of the immigration process is THE WORST. So, we watched the WC, cooked an awesome meal and I turning my dining room into an art studio.
That is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. <3
oh my gosh Staci, my heart goes out to you- I cannot imagine the heartbreak and anguish. Sending you good vibes for things to speed up!! xo
I’m so sorry Staci and thinking of you, your husband, and his children. I am hoping with all my heart that somehow it works out for them to be able to come to U.S. asap!!!!! It can be so so exhausting, disheartening, draining, and frustrating dealing with USCIS and I just really wish all the best for you and your family and that you can find another amazing immigration lawyer and get good news soon.
Staci I am so sorry. The immigration system is so cruel, I work with it in various ways and no matter how much I know it is hard to even wrap my head around how awful it is and the pain it causes. I’m glad you turned your dining room into an art studio though!
we were in the puget sound area all last week house hunting, which we started in january. been wanting to leave phoenix for 20 years. six hours before our flight we stopped at an open house and fell in love with the most perfect house close to parks and the beach. we put in an offer and are waiting anxiously to hear!
Fingers crossed for you! Exciting time!
yay, good luck on the house!! I am just now leaving the PNW after 15 years to go back to the SW ironically! You’ll love it here. xo
Best of luck to you! I am also in the Phoenix area and wanting to leave. Summers are too much
I had a truly great 67th birthday weekend! My brother, sister-in-law, husband and I went to my favorite wine bar in Omaha, La Buvette for a couple glasses of wine and then to a restaurant that none of us had been to Cibo Vino. We had so much relaxed fun. The next day, I went to a bookstore and browsed with with absolutely no sense of urgency. 😄
Happy Birthday! La Buvette is one of my favorite places in Omaha (or anywhere, really) and I’ve spent lots of birthdays there. Sounds like a perfect night!
Happy Birthday! Those moments with no urgency whatsoever are just so luxurious.
My standard weekend early mornings during summer are spent going to battle with the crabgrass in my flower beds for a couple of hours until it gets too hot. Took one last pass through a local grocery that is closing in Sept (regional chain is closing several stores; alas, ours is on the list), and was surprised how empty it is already, but did manage to grab 4 boxes of Black Cherry Jell-O and dark Karo syrup for upcoming candy season. Karo — IYKYK. Was delighted Sat evening to discover my beloved Mariners being broadcast on network TV evening because the Dodgers-Yankees game was postponed due to the wall of water that hit NYC. It was a decently quiet weekend (and the M’s won, so yay).
I rearranged my Brooklyn railroad apartment so my teenage son could finally have a room of his own… which means I now live in the living room. I’ve created my new “bedroom” with IKEA bookshelves and Scandinavian delusion. Then I spent hours sitting in a parking lot three miles from MetLife Stadium during the World Cup because my son was working as part of the on-field crew. I could’ve been at a watch party but my car, Andy Capps hot fries and zero cell service was fine.
IKEA bookshelves and Scandinavian delusion… love it
Scandinavian delusion- gold!!
Julie, this is so sweet. When I was very young, my family of six lived in a 610 sq. ft. apartment. My parents had their bed in the living room, and I have such fond memories of all six of us cozied up in their California king, watching movies my mom rented from the library <3
I went to see the Odyssey with my son and was traumatized and attacked by the Other Mommy trailer. Anyone else? WHY would they do that to INNOCENT PEOPLE who are just trying to WATCH THE ODYSSEY and NOT HAVE NIGHTMARES?
I’m just going to assume that you’re talking about a horror movie and I think it is completely not ok to show horror movie previews at any movie that is not a horror movie!! I did not sign up for that!
I’ve been preaching this for years: NO HORROR PREVIEWS AT NON-HORROR MOVIES! sign my petition!
Emily, I agree. Signed, was traumatized by the Get Out preview at the James Baldwin documentary years ago.
Really hope you write a letter to the theater headquarters about your experience and mention that you posted it in a major blog and we all agree with you, because…!!!! it is OBVIOUS they should not mix extreme genre’s. Horror is basically it’s own lane and should not be mixed into non-horror events. Wow. What is their logic?
I saw the Odyssey today, got the same trailer and couldn’t even look at the screen. NIGHTMARE FUEL.
Came home from Sicily on Saturday, so Friday was enjoying the last day of swimming, the last Busiata pasta (recommendation!) and the last sunset. Saturday morning was the most beautiful sunrise, a cup of tea and travel. Got home and met a friend for a walk, before she had to travel to dreamy Italy. And Sunday enjoying waking up in my own bed, cooler temperatures (Sicily was 100F!!), a nap in our hammock and eating a lot of veggies 🥰 Travelling makes me appreciate the small elements of my daily life so much more…
Freddie’s lean says everything about a week-long trip with extended family.
loooool
laughing forever
Love Alison’s skirt! If you don’t mind me asking, how tall is she? Would love a reference since I am 5’2” and long skirts can either be a hit or miss.
I’m 5’2.5″. I want to get the skirt in every color. I love it so much – I might get it in red and green too.
“I’ll see you in another life, brotha.”
My sisters normally live an ocean away with their kids, but this summer we are all in the same town. This weekend one of them stayed over and our neighborhood had its block party (with not one but two dance parties, multiple wine bars on the street, kids activities, a flea market, and more). The kids played hard all day, we hung out and chatted and had mocktails, and everyone went to bed much later than their sanctioned bedtime but with full hearts.
I hosted a birthday party treasure hunt in the park fora bunch of 7 year olds and it went pretty well even though some sharp-eyed kids found the treasure 4 clues early 🤣. But it was a perfect English afternoon after a month of sweaty heatwave conditions, and my hay fever has finally eased up, 7 is such a good age and my son’s friends are absolute cuties. I also spent Saturday night out with a group of mum friends celebrating a birthday – so overall a very fun, very birthday-heavy weekend!
I did some yard work and puttered around the house on Saturday, and on Sunday I helped my daughter clean out and rearrange her room. She’s been asking to do it for weeks and weeks and it looks SO good! I am now inspired and want to do my room…and then the rest of the house.
Nothing better than rearranging your room as a kid!!