Have a Lovely Weekend.

Thank you for this! I had no idea. I just added it to my TBR list.

There is a sequel to Three Bags Full called Big Bad Wool. Three Bags Full was good and parts were funny. I copied several funny lines from it. I might watch the movie tomorrow. Have not read the sequel yet.

PNW, just a heads up: the sequel is much darker

@Joanna Goddard, I’d love a piece on parents who are successfully raising analog preteens! I’d also love to hear from the kids and what they think of it.

I had the same thought! I recently got my 12-year-old niece a Barnes & Noble gift card and she was really excited about that!

As a woman currently going through a very unpleasant divorce, and who declined a prenup when I had the chance, GET THE PRENUP. At best, you’ll never need it. At worst, it streamlines things should you decide to end your marriage. Mandy is right – do it when you’re both in the flush of love, instead of when you loathe each other.

My public library has a New Yorker subscription via Overdrive that can be read on a computer, phone, tablet. They have the physical magazine in the library, which is nice b/c the app is a little janky on my old phone. I was a subscriber for many years, but the physical copies built up faster than I could read them, so the library has been great for just the occasional article.

If you open the article and very quickly CTRL-A, then CTRL-C and CTRL-V, you can paste the content into Word. Might be some weird formatting, but all the text seems to be there.

I love this idea, Lucy! Consider it noted!

While we’re on the topic of suggested posts: I’d love the COJ perspective on the experience of becoming pregnant/parents later in life. I am 39 and have finally have a partner I want to have a child with, and now everything feels so urgent and fraught. I know COJ community would have tons of insight and wisdom!

This is a really interesting idea. I am absolutely not here to judge how anyone parents, but as someone who grew up in a restrictive eating household (mom with an eating disorder disguised as being a “health nut”), I would be cautious about making certain foods “off limits” based on morals. Of course, dietary restrictions based on health conditions or cultural customs are different, and I do think there’s plenty of ways to teach kids about making conscious choices when it comes to eating. But I also think food neutrality is SO important for young kids and teens. I know how much it messed me up to have “good” and “bad” labels on foods growing up.

Thanks for the vote of confidence on the interesting idea, Anon! I’m not sure if you’re speaking in general, or to me, but I will say that my toddler already understands that animals aren’t food (in the way that most toddlers probably wouldn’t see a dog as food!) and that their milk is for their babies. Excluding those things, there is such an abundant, joyful, beautiful vast array of food that she loves and nothing is off-limits! I’m just curious how it will go once she starts school and integrates with other eating children :) I don’t want her to feel left out, or judge others for what they eat, so I’m curious to hear from other parents with similar dietary cultures within their families how they’ve navigated tricky situations! If you have any advice, I’m all ears!

Lucy, I was one of the people that chimed into that Celiac conversation. My sister got a Celiac diagnosis as a kid (aged 7) so she spent almost all of her school years navigating this at school, with friends, etc. Things are very different now than they were then (for the better), but generally speaking: there will absolutely be times of feeling left out, and being prepared for that and helping your daughter with those feelings can be a big help. My Mom would let the school, friend’s parents, camps, or extracurricular activities know about my sister’s needs, but she also usually called ahead to ask what food would be served and then sent my sister with similar GF options (like sending GF pizza and cake/cupcakes to birthday parties, for example). My parents also made sure that we all got in the habit of reading ingredient labels from a young age so we could check for ourselves when food was pre-packaged. People can be very well-meaning and thoughtful but not everyone has a full understanding of what those restrictions entail (like what is off-limits), or the time/resources to buy or make for a specific dietary condition. Sometimes too, the dietary-friendly options aren’t always great. Outside of family and close friends, it still happens that the GF option is a fruit platter, while everyone else has cake, cookies, sandwiches, etc. Realistically, we all want the good stuff too! So being prepared for that so your daughter can fully enjoy what others are having (just veganized) helps limit those feelings of missing out, but I’m sure that’s something you’re already aware of as a vegan yourself. Also, maybe because I’m used to thinking about this from a Celiac perspective, but the other thing to consider is whether there is a possibility of an egg/dairy allergy. Not because your daughter will be eating eggs or dairy, but just in case she is accidentally given something that contains them. I say this because I know in the GF world getting glutened can and does happen despite taking careful precautions, so I imagine vegans must experience their own version of this occasionally. Communicating that with people might be helpful to avoid possible allergic reactions that you may/may not be aware of, especially when you might not be around.

I was shocked by the comments. Made me wonder if they were from a troll farm. Surely we can’t hate women this much?

Nytimes Commenters suuuuuuck. The comment section is always terrible vibes there

Same Emm, same. Let’s not listen to them. We can change the culture and perception of our fellow women’s bodies.

UGH I just read the comments on the article, they made me so sad. I am 9 months pregnant and love having my belly out, especially in this summer heat.

Yeah I know and a lot of the negative comments were from women.

I was shocked and dismayed to read the comments. I’m a regular NYT reader and the comments on other articles are usually very thoughtful and respectful.

I read the comments too and they were so bad, it just made me laugh. Can you imagine being offended by a BELLY? A completely un-sexual part of the human body?? Imagine if these people had seen an ankle in the 1800s. They would’ve passed right away, I think!

Our lovely beagle’s bed is in our non-working fireplace!

Our landlords put a gigantic, ugly cast iron stove (also non-working) in front of our non-working fireplace. It’s like non-operational fireplace inception.

How true!

This is soooo true. I even had a lot of shame around my pre-bump belly. It wasn’t until I “popped” that I felt cute, and that’s also sad. Hope to see more of us women celebrating all stages of our lives and bodies in this lifetime!

Those were my picks too!

I love this, Jac! I’m divorced, and was a lucky one whose former spouse did not fight me on the fair split I proposed. BUT, we didn’t have a lot of assets at the time. I’m a therapist, and I see how terribly the finances of divorce can go, especially for women. Here’s the thing: NO ONE imagines themselves getting divorced when they get married, and many women are financially disadvantaged if they spend years prioritizing child-rearing. A prenup is financial self-care.

“the loving people that signed it would guide us through” is such a nice way to think of it, Jac! Sometimes the events that prompt a divorce can be so hurtful and unexpected that no one is going to be their best, most reasonable selves…so why not take some of the stress out of the equation? A wedding gift to your future self! (I say this as someone who will never marry…but who does need to get started on making a will, assigning a power of attorney, doing all that other adult-y legal stuff!)

I recently finished the first book and looking into the sequel. Did not know about all these changes for the movie !

To please me, I guess! I grinned from ear to ear the whole movie (except for when I was weeping, of course).

You do not sound like a stupid conservative man. I am an advocate for prenups and many women I’ve talked to about this are afraid of negotiating a pre-nup with their fiancé for fear that they look like gold-diggers. Which is so absurd, because most men are definitely looking out for themselves. Women get very caught up in the swish and romance of their wedding and neglect this very important detail before marrying. Ladies – please please please discuss prenups with your fiancés. Statistically, marriage is heavily profitable for men in many ways and disadvantages women greatly. He needs to want to see you financially secure, no matter what your romantic future holds. Especially when “family money” is involved and ESPECIALLY if you want to be a stay at home wife/mom one day. I know no one thinks divorce will happen to them, but it happens all the time, and being married to a man is not a financial security plan.

Oh gosh you do NOT sound stupid or conservative! you bring up good discussion points! Personally I am with Paula on this one. All decisions come with costs and consequences. Every couple starts a marriage with the best of intentions, but life throws curveballs, and people change. In the same way that I believe every married woman should keep control of her own money, and educate herself about managing it, I think the prenup can offer practical and necessary financial protections if things don’t work out, and especially if there are children involved. I’ve seen too many women be financially devastated from divorce or widowhood. State laws and judgments around divorce often don’t protect women financially.

I appreciate this take! I got married somewhat reluctantly after spending my 20s and 30s working and basically doing as I pleased. It never occurred to me that I’d ever have trouble getting work and making my own $$$. Fast forward 7 years and two kids and I can’t get work in my field! It’s hard to know what to plan for before you know what life could bring.

You make a fair point! A pre-nup or post-nup does come with a cost. Both sides should have their own attorney. It’s funny, I just had a client who was married to a divorce attorney. He was STRONGLY in favor of prenups because he saw the results of not having one in place. Similar to the quote above he said, “every marriage has a prenup, either you or the state gets to decide the terms”. Couples should be talking about finances and about what they want to happen upon death or divorce. Probate is messy. Divorce is messy. The more you can plan for the better for everyone.

My husband and I actually consulted a divorce attorney when we were engaged and he encouraged us not to get one. This seems like an old fashioned view now, but I do sort of think you should share finances as a married couple. I think genuine, whole hearted trust is key to a marriage. You can’t know the future but marriage is a choice to believe in the goodness of your spouse no matter what it holds.

True, a prenup is a good idea. I hope it becomes an easily accepted idea. I have a question though: Here in Canada, the couple (married or common-law) must split all assets down the middle if they divorce/separate. Is that not the case in the USA? Honestly curious. I think this is a really great law in certain situations (eg: a parent stays home to raise the children and then their partner leaves them after 20 years….). But sometimes it is not fair (Eg: You have been living with a person for two years, you have no kids, and that person refuses to get a job and doesn’t help around the house, and then if you separate you have to give them half the house you got from your parents, half your savings…. Not fair at all, in my opinion). So I think a prenup protects everyone involved. Perhaps the prenup could address different stages of life etc.? I wonder though if a prenup is really hard to prepare because there are so many unknown factors about the future )Eg: What if the couple can’t agree on who should stay home with the kids and then one partner is sort of forced to support the other? What if one partner turns bitter and impossible to live with, and the other partner has to suffer financial hardships or stay in a miserable marriage?Etc etc…). It is all very complicated (a good lawyer is a must). I can’t imagine how one prepares a prenup at 25 years of age for a marriage that might last 35 or 40 years but still ends in divorce! I am not a lawyer so I am undoubtedly overlooking a lot of things or am misinformed, but at possibly a prenup could address unexpected circumstances and protect both parties. Anyhow, these are questions that come to my mind. My grandma gave me the best advice (repeatedly) when I was young: Have your own career and always be able to rely on yourself financially. I think this might be the best advice I’ve followed all my life and it has given me independence and strength and security. To each their own, but I feel one simply can’t count on another person to take care of them financially. And this advice is the same for males or females. The working world is tough but being self sufficient is worth the struggle.

I think I agree. When we got engaged, my husband and I thought we would get a prenup. We naively assumed we could just fill out a template online, but then realized we would each need to hire our own counsel. I am embarrassed to admit we went through several drafts, didn’t finish it, decided to convert it to a post-nup after we got married, and then never got around to it and eventually decided we didn’t actually want anything different than what the state law is. I also had a hard time making some of the decisions involved in the prenup because I didn’t know what the future would hold. I am frustrated we spent so much money and time on it but I guess it was worth it to have those conversations, and we can always come back to it. I do think they make sense for certain couples, particularly second marriages when the couple already has kids or owns property, or when one of the couple has a family business or something. I admire women who have such a practical attitude about it, and maybe it was just the lawyers we hired, but I honestly found the process kind of depressing and adversarial. Lastly, I agree with Micah, marriage is about trusting each other wholeheartedly. Call me naive, but I have walked with my husband through many difficult circumstances and life transitions and though I don’t know what the future holds, I trust his character. Wouldn’t have married him otherwise.

I re-read my comment and now I am worried that I sound like a stupid conservative man! I also agree that it’s important for women especially to protect ourselves and a man is not a financial plan. I just wanted to express my emotional experience of the process. It is complicated!

Sarah (and Margot and everybody else), you do not sound like a conservative! Or anything else. You sound like a person whose lived experience reflects the complicated nature of the whole question st hand. Acknowledging that marriage is about trust is in now way a shortcoming… that is absolutely true and an important consideration. In the end, this truly is about doing what makes sense to each person in their own situation. There is no right or wrong answer.

Most people who live in apartments/ condos can’t install them since there’s no outside access

Hi There are heat pump window ACs that provide cooling and heating!! We installed one two years ago and it makes our apartment so much better year around. It’s terrific and a smaller carbon footprint.

I don’t have a subscription so I couldn’t read the whole thing, but the first section made sense because I too have used AI to help me sort through my thoughts and experiences around being a divorced person, a single mom, and finding words for things as I grow in understanding of my experiences. I don’t look for advice, but asking it to help me organize my thought-salad has been helpful. I also sometimes ask it to answer like a Greek YiaYia and it does, usually with a greater measure of straightforwardness than regular AI.

Thanks for your note! For the ac question, I think you might regret asking haha. But here goes: at first we just needed it fixed (weren’t sure what was wrong with it) and finally after a few sweltering days, a tech was finally available to come out to look. We were in a heat wave and nyc as you can imagine has a LOT of apartments so it takes a few days for someone to be available. He finally came and worked all day (expected to be here for 1-2 hours) and they realized we need to replace our 18-year-old rooftop unit and also there was leak in our furnace or whatever it’s called in the basement. That was a Friday so they sent the estimate for new equipment and installation labor the following Tuesday. (Again these are v busy companies in high demand in the summer — sometimes everything seems harder in nyc *laughs hysterically*) when he sent the estimate it was WAY more than I’d anticipated (like $10-15k more sobbbb) so I took a couple more days to get a second quote from another company. When that quote was similar, I signed the original estimate and they ordered the equipment (ac unit etc) and that currently is taking a few days. They don’t work on weekends so now we are slated for a Monday start IF the unit has arrived in time. It will take 2-3 two days to install everything, fix a leak, etc, etc so it will be done by Wednesday eod IF everything goes according to plan and there are no hiccups. One other tricky thing is that our ac furnace/filter stuff is in our basement cellar, whereas the ac unit is on the roof of our building so we have to get access to the roof through our upstairs neighbors apartment; that’s the only way to get up there. Separately I’m nervous that the ac unit won’t fit up their internal stairs bc they’re very tight. Whew! That’s all for now, we will see how it goes xoxo

Oh my goodness, Joanna, that is a massive undertaking! Now I’m even more thankful for the superb HVAC company in the Midwest I’ve used for two decades… An issue several years ago on the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend … They popped out to assess and turns out we needed a new unit after several decades (was original to our home), they had one the size we needed in stock. We were in a massive 100°+ heat wave and they arrived early the next morning – on Saturday- with no extra weekend/holiday hourly rate. Same company a few years later came out right after I called with an issue. It was the day before we were leaving on a trip and he repaired a really random part that he said he just happened to put on the truck that morning because he had an odd feeling he’d need it. He said they only use a couple of those parts a year! Such great karma!

Another strong vote for a wedding pic of the headband! What a lovely story!! Sending ALL the good A/C juju to Joanna!!!

OMG – Louise… THAT is who should be the next Bond. It would be incredible. or Maybe more like a Naked Gun situation.

I made that this week! It’s my summer mvp. I love how it makes the whole house smell like garlicky vegetable goodness

Deb never disappoints!! That lady knows her way around a zucchini. You can do basically the same recipe with eggplant and a jar of passata added at the end / whatever other tweaks you fancy (oregano, basil etc) for a delicious vegan “bolognaise”. Also love her zucchini and chickpeas, which can also be swapped around a fair bit.

We made it yesterday and it was so good! Perfect light pasta for a hot summer night!

When I was pregnant I loved knee length COS dresses, they tended to be flowy with room for a bump but still sleek and professional. I also loved elastic waist black trousers with a top and blazer.

i’m currently 29 weeks and bought a few things from an australian brand called BAE the label. I still need to look professional in the work environment and BAE had a few dresses/pants that are sleek and great quality. They also show the items with and without bump so you can wear them for a bit after when I assume we’ll be postpartum and want some flex. I also have a few pairs of maternity pants with a maternity tank that I pair with cardigans and button downs (worn open) — sadly pre-preg blazers aren’t fitting my expanding ribcage/upper body but might work for you! good luck!! <3

Slightly loose dress with blazer or flowy blouse under blazer, basically anything under a blazer!

I’m currently renting (via Nuuly) the Hatch Maternity Jersey Sona Dress, and at 24 weeks myself it looks very clean and neat, but doesn’t hide the bump. As a plus, it’s very soft. Could add a blazer to up the professionalism.

Get a heat pump! Or a window heat pump that is both AC and heating!

I could not love this more!!

i could not agree more! ot gives me so much anxiety and I hate the thought that I will spend the rest of my life wondering whether something is real or fake.

Absolutely agree. I think the trend with many new technologies is that we consider it educated and intelligent to take the “balanced” view; that some use of it is good and will better our society even if some of it is bad. In my view, though, saying that about AI is dangerously naive. It’s like we’ll never learn our lesson. I have to stop myself here from writing a whole essay about how we live in relation to the earth and what we consider advancements so I’ll just say yes, I 100% agree about “solutions.”

Agree! I’m so disheartened by how much it’s expanded into every single sector of our society with such a high price on many fronts.

Lisa, I’m 100% with you. WHEN will we learn? I’m truly scared in my soul for my kids. I feel like I’m screaming into the abyss. How do we unite everyone who feels this way?

Oh my gosh Lisa, thank you for pointing that out about the “balanced view”. I couldn’t agree more. The implications of AI environmentally and socially are an absolute nightmare but the narrative always tries to find some “correct” middle ground. It makes it impossible to draw a definitive line in the sand and say no. Although unfortunately I think that’s by design.

I know I sound so harsh, but I truly believe there is no excuse for using it, under any circumstances. Wake me when it cures cancer.

With you, Emily et al.

Agree!! The most terrifying and rage-inducing way i’ve heard AI described was something like – ‘the tech oligarchy is mining and stealing every bit of human-made history that is already available for free on the internet, and then selling it back to us in dumbed down form for massive profits.’ Could it cure cancer? maybe? i’m not opposed to that kind of research. But until the AI industry is strictly regulated to mitigate the immense environmental and social harms its already causing, i don’t think there is any excuse to use it, ever. I do have some hope – my county in Florida just succeeded in lobbying our county commissioners to deny an application for a hyper-scale AI data center that would have been located right next to an elementary school, residential neighborhood, and the Everglades!

I agree. Besides the impact on the environment, it is going to make humans less intelligent. We are no longer going to use our own brains to think, or write creatively, or critically think at our jobs, etc. Some people have truly let AI take over and that is terrifying. My company has a massive AI initiative and while I see the benefits in certain ways, for me, it does not override the human brain. I won’t even use Copilot to summarize a meeting. That’s how much I want to keep my own skills and thoughts intact.

Wholeheartedly agree. I am required to use AI all day, every day for my job (note: I was hired 9 years ago, so to say everything about my role has changed in the past year would be a massive understatement). What people don’t understand is just how much AI gets wrong. I’m talking, number of words in a sentence wrong. That basic, and it can’t get it right. It’s not “smart;” it’s scanning the internet and providing “answers” from what it finds. And when people tell me they use it to sort out their thoughts, it makes me so sad. Have we really gotten to a point that we admit to not thinking for ourselves so readily? Like someone else said, it really feels like screaming into the abyss.

That would be the #1 thing we want to GIVE to tweens/teens, not what THEY actually want ;) Commenting as a mom to 1 tween + 1 teen! (who are both into long showers, take good care of themselves and use deodorant but still… often have to crack the car window at pick up)

A Saturday morning seems like a wonderful reason to wear it. Maybe Tuesday evening? Oh- Friday! Break that beauty out of the closet!

Yes a random Tuesday ! Our family used to get these birthday cakes at a bakery and I loved them so much ! Beautiful and delicious ! One time after a birthday I said I wish there was another occasion coming up soon to get another cake ! My son-in-law said ” a random Tuesday? ” So now that is my mantra ! Here’s to all the “random Tuesdays” we are blessed with in this life. The sacred is in the ordinary.

I know – I stress this to everyone I know, and normalize talking about it with my own college kid: you can choose to write your own pre-nup or you are signing up for the pre-nup of the state that you currently live in. Writing a pre-nup does not mean you are planning to get divorced! It only means that you are REJECTING the state’s pre-up.

Also, having watched a few divorces, the ones with pre nups (so long as they’re not terrible belle burden type ones!) seem to just go more smoothly. Deciding how you might want to treat each other in the future—when things are still good—just seems like such a smart idea.

I’m divorced now — and I think we could have avoided a lot of the issues (or maybe avoided the marriage altogether!) by having the conversations a prenup would inspire: do you see yourself as genuinely responsible for 50% of the childcare? or does that depend on income or work hours? how does the person with the higher (and lower) income feel about that imbalance– is income genuinely shared? how do you view money that your spouse inherits — or that you inherit? is it as much theirs as it is yours? what about the house that you bought 5 years ago and is now your shared home — emotionally what does that mean to you? what inheritance arrangements already exist between your parents and you // their parents and them? how do you feel about those? what kinds of debt are you taking on together — and if you qualify for that debt based on only one person’s credit score, what does that mean? If your spouse loses their job, do you think they should get the best job they can right away while pursuing better work, or take time off to find the right job? etc etc etc.

Agreed!!!

I do not see many movies so maybe I am easier to please, but I adored Sheep Detectives…I took my 2 grandsons, 10 and 6 and we all really enjoyed it. They told me they liked it better than the Minions movie!! It makes me happy that so many other folks enjoyed it as well.

I want to see this movie ! I just finished the book upon which it’s based. Three Bags Full by Leonie Swann. I loved the sheep. I had heard, maybe here, that the movie has “Babe” vibes. A high bar for sure ! Glad people are loving it !

Yes! My girls, my husband, and I LOVED it! I lost my father last year, and I cried and cried during a few different scenes. It was just so sweet and wholesome.

This was a really thoughtful way to word this! Taking note!