Have a Fun Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? My friend is throwing his 50th birthday party in a garden, and I’m planning to wear this floral dress or striped dress. (Thoughts?) Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
I’m so happy to share this personal news (gift link), and eight things Parisians are wearing this spring.
Wow, this London apartment does not feel basement-y.
FYI, 12-year-old Anton told me that The Sign by Ace of Base is cool again.
Maggie O’Farrell’s new book, Land, is out in four days. I was lucky enough to score an advanced copy, and it’s easy one of the best books I’ve ever read. The writing is so juicy, that’s the best word to describe it.
Smart notes on chilling out and being tall and finding luck. (This also made me laugh.)
My favorite jeans always sell out quickly, but they’re back in stock right now!
The secret to adult friendships. Also, the secret to winning on Jeopardy.
Another reason to love Mayor Mamdani: He launched an interactive list of FREE things to do in NYC this summer.
What I learned about loss while skateboarding at Costco. “What I love about Costco is that it is the perfect expression of how skateboarders can turn even the blandest form of American architecture — the big box parking lot — into a thriving community space. At a time when people are lonely and disconnected, a bunch of 40- and 50-year-olds gather around low-stakes terrain, reconnecting with old friends and joking about tricks they can no longer do.” This essay was surprisingly moving. (NYTimes gift link)
This mirror mask made me look.
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Becky on a potato chip taste test: “I’m British so would usually lay claim to the best crisps internationally, but last year I went to Paris and found butter-flavored crisps in a corner shop. Butter. Flavored. Crisps. No wonder those guys have such excellent sex, they must be permanently ecstatic.”
Says Anon on how would you envision your wedding: “I’m a divorcée with no desire to remarry, but I am moving in with my partner of about a decade soon and was thinking I might throw a ‘this is not wedding’ housewarming party and wear an outfit inspired by these fantastic white overalls from the CoJ archives!”
Says Suz on how amazing are these wedding photos: “My favorite wedding photos were taken by a six-year-old who took his job (and his mom’s old digital camera) very seriously! He went up to everyone at the reception and informed them that he was a wedding photographer. So, we have all these pictures of people making ‘oh how adorable!’ faces at the most unflattering angles possible. They’re wonderful.”
(Photo by Matt Nelson/Unsplash.)
Comments
116 commentsI’m so happy you and Freddie are back together!
It really was such a lovely weekend in this little bubble. My sister and I have been reconnecting, and spent a morning perusing plant, estate, and charity sales (and leaving with arms full of seedlings and an eclectic mix of books) and chatting and laughing over tea and coffee in a much loved shop! My partner and I also staked the tomatoes in the drizzling rain, ate giant salads, watched our comfort shows, and I received a gold star sticker for listening to my body and taking an almost three(!) hour nap- hurrah!
Would love to hear the 50th birthday details!
I’ve been sending the link to Mamdani’s summer fun to everyone I know. I love how comprehensive it is.
Fantastic news about you and Freddie. I’ve followed your blog for many years and I was struck by how happy you looked when you were with him. It seemed a different, deeper happy. You’ve both been brave and I’m so pleased love won.
I am so very happy about the Freddie reunion!!
Freddie’s journey is much like mine, and while it was really really rough, I am so grateful for it. Back in mid-December, my husband said he wasn’t happy and wanted to explore a divorce. We immediately went into couples therapy right after Christmas. I went through six weeks or so of deep, deep sadness, fear, and shock; I also uncovered childhood sexual abuse. This was the hardest time in my life, the days were so, so dark. As I pulled myself out of this phase, I steered my focus to recovery and repair, both personally/internally and with my husband. I got in shape (tons of walking, pilates, general daily exercise), got on anti-depression/anti-anxiety meds (where were these for my last 20 years?!?!), found a new therapist (I had the same person since I was 18, and I’m late 40s), read lots of great self-awareness books, and basically dug into everything I could. My husband did his own solo work (therapy, working out, etc), and basically four long/brutal months later, we were able to stay together and we are both better – better for it, and better because of it. I have a new, refreshed outlook on life, and I am so much more at ease and relaxed. My husband tells me quite frequently he can’t believe how different I feel (in the best way of course), and how “we” feel (together) – and I agree whole heartedly. I didn’t know before how much my husband loved me, and I had major walls up on my end – still lots for me to work on, and I’m doing the work. So yes, people can change in good, honest ways, and it’s amazing.
Amazing! You can really be Profi of all the work you put in!
Of course I mean ‚proud‘ !! ;-)
This is amazing! Happy for you, Karen!
I did an actual fist pump when I read the Freddie news. So happy for y’all!!!!
So happy you two got back together. It’s weird that I don’t know you personally, although I’ve been reading this blog since 2011 (?) maybe, but I feel like you’re part of my family (I talk about your blog a lot ahah). I am truly happy that you and Freddie are a couple again. Yay!
So happy to get the news that you and So happy that you and Freddy are happy together again! (But does Freddy get foot rubs too?)
Yes so many! :)
In fourth through sixth grades, I was enrolled in a ballroom dancing class at a local country club (we did not go there otherwise) and, after waltzing and fox trotting and rhumba-ing and cha-cha-ing, we would often end by forming a large circle and practicing our “popular dancing” to The Sign by Ace of Base. Popular Dancing involved bouncing your knees to the beat of the music and then “doing something” with your arms. Please, cue up the song and try it at home. I dare you. ;)
My husband and I had a breakup on a similar dating/getting back together timeline to yours. It was really painful, but ultimately led to our current wonderful relationship which makes all the growth, space, tears and angst worth the while. So happy for you.
That’s beautiful.
Teared up reading your good news, Joanna. So happy for you two <3
I love the advice about adult friendships. It’s true. Most of my friends are people I have been around for a long time (luckily I have a hobby that ties us all together) and have grown on me and become really important in my life. I have half a dozen friends from childhood/young adulthood but the women I have me through my hobby are by far like family now, even if we get sick of each other sometimes (or maybe that’s the secret to being like family lol). I’m also fully on board with crunchy chicken salad. We have chicken salad in our fridge more often than not and I always put a lot of celery. We both like it “pickle-y” so lots of chopped pickles and fresh dill also often get thrown in the mix.
Gift link doesn’t work :( says for paid only
Hi Alicia! If you paste the link into your browser, it should work. We’ve noticed this bug happen sometimes, for people who have the app (Substack is aware, and working on it!). Sorry for the extra step, but that should do the trick!
I was struck down with a nasty head cold this past week and pretty much camped out on our couch. Found the lovely, lovely BBC tv series Leonard and Hungry Paul and binge watched it. Talk about the best medicine! So beautifully done. Whole heartedly recommend to this fab community.
I did not know that was a TV series ! I gave that book to my friend for her birthday last year. I have not read it yet but want to.
I knew exactly which white overalls anon was referencing! A photo I saved pre Pinterest. I love it.
Following on from Tasmania on the other side of the world and I didn’t realise how invested I was in the Jo and Freddie love story – very happy to see this update. xx
Trop cool pour votre retour en couple ! Félicitations!!
The floral dress is my top choice. Glad to hear u and Freddie r happy and thriving. And The Sign has always been cool lol
Hahahaha
My favorite podcasters have a line of t-shirts / mugs / stickers about the love of potato chips! This chip loving group might enjoy. Also recommend their podcast for anyone who might enjoy elder millennial takes on pop culture. https://shop.rimandab.com/products/extra-crunchy-t-shirt
These are so cool!
So happy to hear about you and Freddy and mostly that it’s bringing you so much joy ♥️ appreciate your sharing with such vulnerability – much love to you
Congrats 🍾🎉 ♥️!!! So happy for you and Freddy! Love that the time apart was healing and that he’s truly doing the work. Those photos you shared are so warm and cozy. 💛
Hooray Freddie! Such happy news! After nearly 6 years of secondary infertility, our rainbow baby arrived 5 weeks early at the beginning of May. It was a scary time in NICU, but we are so grateful he is finally here. We named him Frederick (after David Attenborough’s middle name!) and it is so nice to see the nickname Freddie here :) Thinking of all of you who may also be navigating infertility, and sending hugs.
Congratulations!! That is fantastic.
CONGRATULATIONS! This is so beautiful! :)
Congratulations!
My 29 weeker is now 9 years old and thriving! She wants to be a ballerina and loves reading! I wish the same easy path for your Frederick :)
I immediately ordered the mirror mask to get weird and have fun with a photography project. Thank you so much for the recommendation!!!
Omg please share the photos if you’re up for it! Xoxo
So happy for you, Joanna! I wish you both all the best.
Oh, yay! I am delighted for you both 😍xxx
I have trouble accessing gift links to Big Salad. Any suggestions? Thank you!
Thanks for your note! The key is to cut and paste the link into your browser, so it doesn’t open in the app. Xoxo
Huray for the relationship news! And for Ace of Base (am still a fan :))
Also, has anyone read the new Elizabeth Strout novel? I’m dying to read it.
Me, too!
Went into my library today to pick up a hold, Coyoteland, and the new Elizabeth Strout was on the Lucky Day shelf !!! What a find ! I was so excited!
I have, and I suggest caution. I love her writing and The Things We Never Say is beautifully written. But I found it very very bleak. If you are already feeling a bit sticky in the world you might want to read something more hopeful.
Random, but a reader asked about seed oils recently, in the comments, can’t recall which post….. The pod cast Maintenance Phase has an episode titled Seed Oils. They do a really great job breaking it all down, including all the science, and how the ideas are being used too. Highly recommend. TDLR, seed oils are fine! You don’t have to avoid or be scared of them.
I was the reader who asked! Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll check it out!
On potato chips: Thinking over the chip rankings, and it seems like it could have been more nuanced, and may need a follow up chip-off. For example, the chip I pick to have with a sandwich is different from the one I would pick for a party with dip. Dip-ability was not part of the scoring. Can the chip stand up to a dip without cracking and crumbling? Game changer of a chip question, which may have knocked Lays right out of the competition. Also – floral dress, stripes look like a referee’s costume. Congrats to you and Freddie. Looking forward to the Maggie O’Farrell book, and if you get an advance copy of Barbara Kingsolver’s new novel PLEASE REPORT BACK IMMEDIATELY!! (Has anyone read the latest Tana French yet?)
Love this comment but disagree re dress! Team stripes!
I’m on the last 70 pages of Tana French’s The Keeper. Loving it, as I love all her books. Well, maybe not The Witch Elm so much… :)
So, so happy for you, Joanna. I’ll drink to love on this rainy Lagos morning 🥂
Ahhh Nigerian Girl, how I enjoy your comments! You are among a few here who I’ll search for if the comments section is extensive.
Thank you so much, Bonnie.
Now I’ve got The Sign in my head again after a long long time. Thanks Anton! :)
Related to your Big Salad post, I wanted to shared a tool I use that has quieted my anxiety. When difficult feelings crop up for me I repeat a ‘mantra’ I have for those moments… “I’m open to this feeling”. And then I really try to fully feel the feeling and notice all the details of what I’m experiencing in my body. That’s where I put my focus and then I don’t shift into patterns of negative reactivity. It’s helped me a lot.
I love this. Thank you for sharing this phrase!
I really needed to read this, Carol. Thanks!
If we’re talking flavored potato chips (which I think of as a category of its own) then the best is the caramelized onion flavor you can get in France!
the stripped dress but with a red leather belt and red sandals
Did you like “the marriage portrait” by Maggie o’Farrell? I did not, and I think I may be the only person on the planet.
Christine, you are not alone!
It was a DNF for me!
Same here!
I found it very heavy-handed and overworked, like most of her writing unfortunately!
Not alone! I like Maggie O’Farrell but the Marriage Portrait fell really flat for me.
Oh my goodness, you should be locked into a life with the husband Alfonso then! (only joking). Personally I adore Maggie, but I could probably recycle every copy of anything by Jane Austen – so I totally understand the death stare you get when you say what you think.
Did not love! Not on Hamnet level
I didn’t love it. Thank you for sharing!
I…loved to hate the Marriage Portrait until the ending I think? Found the writing compelling but didn’t *like* the book until the end. However (probably an unpopular opinion) I liked TMP more than I liked Hamnet.
you asked in your big salad happy news if any of us have ever experienced a break up and a back together. i’m the moving in w my partner of almost a decade comment anon :) and the truth is we actually lived together for a few months during the pandemic and it was HORRIBLE! when i moved out i thought we might be breaking up. but we just kept wanting to talk and see each other. and we have since been through so many different family and health things and we’ve learned to fight better and apologize liberally. it is amazing to forge new relationships after a divorce, but i think we’re kind of impacted by the things that went wrong in our past relationships, too, and it’s hard not to carry some of that along, sometimes. but that’s also what makes these midlife loves so great, no? i feel way more honest with myself and with my partner than i have in past situations. and we are easy together. like you said about the cool water. X
This comment is so interesting because (now that I am in my 50’s and married for 30 years), after making it through all the ups and downs and challenges over the years, I think that this applies to midlife loves that have endured through the decades. At this point, I think all those lessons and self acceptance and honesty has changed/evolved how I relate to my husband and him to me. Our marriage benefits from the wisdom and experience, much as I imagine one brings that into mid-life dating. Thanks for the thought-provoking comment. :)
Yayyyyyyy! I’ve been rooting for you and Freddie, and your description of coming back together was so lovely.
yay love!!!!!
The adult friendship article confirms my question of why I always become really close and great friends with my coworkers who I probably would never be friends with at all if we met “out in the wild” but we spend 40 hours a week sitting side by side at our desks and just get in the same wavelength. I’ve found that it might feel awkward to reach out the first time to hang out but most people are very glad you made the first move. Ask that random mom to coffee!
same! I have always enjoyed having coworkers and asked for my strenghts I would say I am a good coworker. where I work we have amongst other things a choir, a monthly stitch&bitch and a weekly running club – all of which I enjoy immensely. but on the downside my social needs are pretty much fulfilled at work and I don’t see my other friends as much as I’d like.
I feel bad when moms who seem awesome ask me to do things and I simply have no bandwidth. Working full time with a baby and toddler is so draining. Leaving the house is a Herculean effort. I hope to be a fun social mom some day but right now if I have even five minutes to myself o sit down and stare at a wall.
It’s definitely worth the extra step to copy the gift link, folks. So happy for you both! Also: striped dress all the way!
Freddie’s back in town = YAY!! Im(h)o, if you can walk your love through a 2am panic attack over the phone with that much presence and calm, basically any other communication issue could potentially be ironed out, especially if everyone is committed to personal growth. Vicariously soo happy for you both! xox
Such a good point, Hope. If both partners are open to personal growth, the struggles are just part of life and relationships. All relationships will have struggles. And being alone has its struggles, too. Anyhow, very happy for Freddie snd Joanna.
Aww this is so sweet thank you so much xoxo
Exactly re: struggle, @anon. You’re so welcome, @Joanna Goddard. Thanks for sharing the exciting news with all of us!
We need to see Suz’s photos!!
my heart! i loved reading about those pics
I know!! Can we ask her to send them so they can be posted? They sound so delightful
Wonderful news! So happy for you! 💘
So excited to read Land. Hamnet gets all the attention among O’Farrell books but if you haven’t yet read The Marriage Portrait you are in for a treat! It’s one of my very favorite books.
I agree, and I also loved her first one “after you’d gone”, but I would probably fall in love with her shopping list at this point. I pre-ordered Land, then realising it would probably only be posted on the release date, I also preordered the audio so I can listen until the paper version arrives. I am fascinated by the Irish people, the way they held their stories and languages despite occupation. Noone can tell a story like the Irish, or hold a tune. My family were Irish, and I cannot hold a tune so i suspect it is something in the soil or the fae.
I just pre-ordered Land from my local book shop, even more excited to read it with your endorsement! I get so many good book recs from CoJ!!
Hurray! Thanks for sharing that Big Salad link and the wonderful news to start this weekend. I am so happy for you two and can’t wait to hear more.
Been looking forward to reading Land. You’re raving rec is making me impatient, :)
Yay Freddie! I would have paid top dollar to read your Freddie story but thank you for making it free:) Happy for you.
Gah! The gift link isn’t working for me. Would you mind checking it? Thank you!
Hey! If you cut and paste the link into your browser (rather than click through), it should work! Sorry for the extra step!
The adult friendship comment confirms my strategy to try to get the kids of people I really like to be on my kids sports teams. My son plays several sports and I know I will become closer friends just seeing them several days a week. The only catch is when my son decided to leave his club soccer team…I was so sad to no longer see all my friends. :)
I have been waiting for biopsy results for a week and it has been agonizing. Finally got them this morning and cried tears of joy to see it’s benign. So relieved I could vomit. I did not vomit but I’m heading out to Montauk with my husband and kids and celebrating with a lobster roll and cold glass of wine. Just grateful for everything.
yay1
Yay!!!! So happy for good news, I hope that lobster roll is life affirming.
So happy for you Nora !!
Happy day Nora!! Rejoice in your relief and health and hug your loved ones tight!!
Definitely celebration worthy! So happy for you Nora.
Tell me the personal neeewssss!! The gift links never work for me and my eyes are THIS BIG in piqued interest! Did you decide Lays chips aren’t the best after all, or are you planning the coolest wedding of all time??
Hey! For the gift link, if you cut and paste the link into your browser, it should work! It may be an issue with the app (we’ve noticed this happen before — trying to get it sorted with Substack!).
I’m so happy. I didn’t want to mention Freddy in my first comment, but I had deep down secret hopes.
Hi! The gift link doesn’t work. I click on the happy news link and it says this post is only for paid subscribers
Hey! We’ve noticed this issue before on phones with the Substack app. Substack is working on it, but in the meantime, if you cut and paste the link into your browser, it should work! Sorry for the extra step!
@Kelsey Miller Miller – this is a re-occurring issue, might I suggest that you put these instructions alongside the blog post next time there is a Big Salad gift link? :)
Ekkk! Already can’t wait for the Monday recap on this garden party birthday celebration! Also extra jazzy jazz hands on the freddie news – thank you for sharing with us all :)
Happy for you It looks like the real deal
Yay yay yay so happy for you!! Freddie is one HUGE GREEN FLAG!
Yes, a man doing the work! What could be hotter?
I live in the UK and our corner shop sometimes has garlic (or herb) butter Lays. I assume they’re from Germany because the actual name is Kräuterbutter. They’re delicious!
The Sign will always be a banger. Tell Anton to check out Roxette- his wee mind will be blown.
This is such a nice way to start the weekend with the news of you two rejoining ! I think it’s on par with if Gwenyth and Chris got back together.