Have a Sweet Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Tonight I’m going to the new Greenpoint Comedy Club — will report back! — and tomorrow we have a close family friend’s bar mitzvah. Excited to play arcade games and watch other people dance. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Swimsuit shopping can be…a nightmare, but I’ve loved every suit I’ve tried from this brand: buttons, ribbed, plunge.
I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!
What it’s like to be a 12-year-old American girl. Mira “is small for her age but manages to occupy space laterally. She moves with a noodle elasticity, and is prone to breaking into dance moves while going about her business: a full-body wave from wrist to wrist, an entire sequence from a Katseye music video. The first time we met, we were mid-conversation when she inexplicably dropped into a side split, grabbed her ankles, and rolled backyward, placing her toes on the floor behind her head. ‘At the beginning of the year, I couldn’t do an aerial’ — a hands-free cartwheel — ‘and I can kind of do one now,’ she told me, harrowingly assuming the starting position.” (New Yorker)
This secret note from a sister to her brother made me laugh.
Omg, how cute is this red-and-white dress? (Get 20% off with code JOANNA20.)
A reminder that it’s totally okay to be the friend who gets a little too excited.
You know the Black Honey lipstick that famously looks good on everyone? They now have a second shade.
I would get married just to serve these cakes. (via Ali)
Finally, seven cool things I spotted people wearing in NYC this week, and how not to look like a tourist. (Big Salad, free for all)
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Emily O. on a thank-you letter to my gynecology PA: “My lovely gynecologist inspired me to be descriptive with my kids when they were little: ‘Okay, I’m wiping your cheeks, and it might feel cold at first.’ ‘I’m reaching in your sleeve, can you scooch your hand down to me?’ ‘I’m going to push your shoe, and it might feel uncomfortable, just take a breath and relax, if you can.’ It’s surprisingly transferable.”
Says Marian on a thank-you letter to my gynecology PA: “Have you seen Laura Ramoso’s incredible impression of a gynecologist? If you want to laugh so hard you cry and probably pee, give yourself the gift of a watch.”
TW: Pregnancy loss
Says Nish on a thank-you letter to my gynecology PA: “I recently had my second heart-wrenching miscarriage. While I was lying in the operating room, a nurse leaned over, squeezed my hand, and whispered, ‘You’re safe here.’ Her kindness was so appreciated.”
(Photo by Josh Hild/Unsplash.)
Comments
101 commentsI really love all of the amazing and insightful and full of awe comments about daughters in this comment section. It’s been a long time since I beheld the wonder and the fury and the electric energy of a 12 yo, and this is making me nostalgic. Long live fierce daughters and their chaos, spirit and big big big love.
Math problems for PARENTS There, I fixed it.
But how do you use packing cubes? What the purpose? Do you put like-items together? Outfits together? I want to use them, I just don’t know how or why!
We use them to cut way down on luggage (we have compression packing cubes). My method is usually by item, for example: kids shorts, kids shirts, kids socks/underwear, and then same for adults. We also have one with toothbrushes.
I live by these and travel a ton! For leisure travel: I pack one day’s worth of outfits for my entire family per cube. It helps distribute clothes throughout our suitcases should our luggage ever go missing. For business, I pack items that fold well together per cube and my suit in its own cube. The goal is minimal ironing upon arrival. Shoes straight in my luggage also totally gross me out. Always separate cubes for my shoes.
IMO, packing cubes actually take up a lot of space (same with drawer organizers). I’ve traveled a lot, always with a backpack carry-on that fits in the overhead bin OR under my seat, including multi-week international trips! I’m less rigid now and don’t mind checking a bag, but in my younger, more frugal days, I learned you can fit in way more stuff just by rolling and squishing. Packing cubes detract space but keep you organized, so it’s sort of a pick-your-poison situation to me.
How to access the New Yorker link?? Mom of tween girl, must read!
Buy a New Yorker subscription! It’s the only subscription I have and it’s worth it—you get access to their entire archive. Or use your library.
I am interviewing for a job in Amherst,MA. I live in TX. What are the pointers for New England style?? The job is in education! I feel like MA is so far and different than where I live that I need all the tips.
In general or for an interview? Amherst will be casual I’d imagine jeans, lots of flannel or button downs, sweaters, boots like blundstones or ll bean or sorels and dressing for warmth in the winter. chore coats or denim jackets or sweatshirts. Might be fun to do some thrifted tweed blazers or something if you need to be a little more dressed up. Summer whatever won’t feel sticky; dresses or shorts and tees and Birkenstocks or similar. buy some Uniqlo heattech or similar long sleeved layers and leggings to wear under your clothes in winter. Buy darn tough socks and thank me later – also they have a lifetime guarantee so it is a literal investment. Good luck!
Congratulations on the job. We would wear a little nicer version of what you would wear to teach. How about a long cotton skirt a t-shirt with cardigan.
Oh hi! I’m from two towns over. That’s exciting! Western Ma is a lot different from say Boston. It’s preppy but like crunchy preppy? Look up Catherine Newman the writers style, I believe she lives in Amherst! Also growing up there we never pronounced the H. pretend it’s Amerst. If you’re in the town for a minute and need places to go try High Horse or Amherst Coffee. Also my friend Julie Nolan’s shop is super cute. The Hanger is a staple if you are in to wings. A little further out where I’m from is the Bookmill in Montague,MA. If you’re into a random book store in a tiny town in an old mill it’s the best place. Good luck!
Hi Ray, Amherst local here! Simple, not overly formal or dressy, but neat. No high heels, not a lot of makeup, If it’s in person black pants, a blouse or light dressy sweater and a scarf, flats (or clogs, if you really want to look local!). Don’t be thrown if people as you your pronouns at the start of the interview — that’s standard here. We’re pretty warm and casual generally — not quite standard New England, since Amherst pulls in such a mix of folks from around the country and world. Feel free to ask follow-ups; I’ve been here 20 years and love it!
Good luck with the interview! We’re verrrrrry big on the weather here. You’ll want minimum a waterproof coat, a waterproof insulated coat, and an insulated coat, rain boots, snow boots, good gloves/mitts, hat, scarf. After that, it’s just gravy. Show up as yourself and find a fun community through your local library or church or dive bar or whatever your flavor is. People here are famously nice but not kind, but all you need to do is ask a favor of a neighbor (“What’s the best snow shovel?” “Where should I get my oil changed?”) and then thank them with food.
Are you asking for style tips for the interview itself? Always better to overdress than underdress. I’d honestly wear a simple pantsuit and nice shoes (no need for heels). Something neutral, with a more fun blouse underneath. An interview is an interview, first impressions matter, and you don’t want to come out of the gates negatively standing out for any reason. You can wear the more casual New England clothes once you rock the interview and get the job!
Hi Ray, Former Massachusetts teacher here. All the school systems I am familiar with have a “no jeans” for teachers policy, so definitely, no jeans. Definitely something professional and more is better than less. Make sure to have a good question to ask them at the end that shows your interest in this specific job. Good luck!!
Oh wow, I work at Amherst College (grew up in Amherst) and just happened to see this comment! I agree with everything Phoebe said! The fashion around here is definitely more on the casual/earthy-crunchy vibe but really wear whatever you like :) There’s very little judgment when it comes to clothing around here. Will be crossing fingers for you!!
Amherst is all about relaxed, earthy, outdoorsy, casual. I think of the people who live there as highly educated and well traveled. Lots of students too, of course. No heavy make-up or overly styled clothes. It’s a fantastic part of the state but definitely very different from Texas. I have lived in Mass. for 20 years after moving from a West coast state and I love it. Good luck within your interview!
I humbly offer the Man Stroke Woman gynecology skit “Just Relax”: https://youtu.be/1wAYCgqc2uk
The Black Honey is not the same shade it used to be… I know, I was there the first time around! The gloss is close, but the Almost Lipstick is simply not the same color.
I listened to an episode of the pod Gloss Angeles that explained how the Mac lip liner color “spice” had evolved (and now has a release of a color more closely matching the original) This could be obvious, but they explained that different availability and change in batch materials over the years shifts the end color for cosmetics unintentionally
I’ve been wearing my new Big Salad baseball cap i found in joshua tree (unofficial big salad) and I am getting the most delightful reactions! I haven’t met any other Cup of Joers yet, but I am ready! If you live in LA snd see a lady in a green Big Salad hat, say hi ;)
@Joanna Goddard and team, what an idea – should you start making merch so we can find each other in the wild??
I’m looking for recs for short sleeved v neck shirts. I want something soft but not clingy and for sure not cropped. I have a few basic shirts from Target, but they chafe under my arms. I’m willing to pay for quality. Any ideas?
I love my v neck t shirts from Sezane. I find the sizing runs a little small. The v neck is quite low which I like and find flattering but YMMV. Gap and Banana Republic also have solid options if you don’t want as low of a v.
Land’s End.
Maybe try Loft! https://www.loft.com/clothing/tops/catl000011/striped-everyday-v-neck-tee/780910.html?dwvar_780910_color=532989&priceSort=DES
Primary and Hanes both have 100% cotton and hold up.
I’m really happy with the ones from Quince!
Ditto Lands End. Also: LL Bean, Madewell, and St John’s Bay.
Jungmaven or bust
Primary ones are a good length and so soft: https://www.primary.com/products/grown-ups-v-neck-tee?variant=41536353501243&color=banana&size=xs_adult
My staples for this are J Crew Factory, J Crew, and Gap!
I like Mott & Bow because the V’s are not too deep, which is almost always the case for me. They are longer than I would like, since I am short, but they may be right for you.
Primary for the win!!! I will die on this hill.
Nish, sending you so much love as someone else who has had more than one miscarriage. I will never forget the most recent, in those lonely early months of the pandemic. The nurse practitioner confirmed I had miscarried and then said to me, so gently and kindly, “I wish I could hug you,” and I could feel her warmth and how much she meant it. I wish I could hug you too.
Mom Math!! Yes haha I’m a first time mom with a 4 month old and was just telling my friend yesterday that it’s astonishing how much mental math I do. How long has baby been awake? When did she last feed? How many diapers? How many oz?
I wanto to know the link of “I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time!”
Me too
Sheng Wang’s new comedy special on Netflix!
I love clinique’s black honey. They also have a 3rd color called nude honey which is my favorite.
I love the black honey shade and how it feels, but this dang lipstick doesn’t last. i find i’m reapplying it constantly. Do you not have that experience?
ASW, yes I agree that it doesn’t last very long. Maybe the subtlety of it is why I like it because full on lipstick always looks so wrong on me. I guess that’s why clinique calls it almost lipstick? I did just order their lip oil in nude honey and I’m curious to try it.
Marion’s comment put me in a Laura Ramoso rabbit hole (I am American but have a German mother, lol. I feel her comedy very deeply), that ended with me buying a ticket to her show in my town this October! I’ve never been to any kind of comedy show or stand up live, I usually watch on Netflix so this will be fun, thanks, Marion! I don’t know about getting married but I would have a garden party just to serve that cabbage cake – it is amazing. Or a book party for that book cake! Why wait for marriage to have a fabulous cake once or twice a year??? I went to a park the other day and 99% of the people had golden retrievers. I dreamt about a golden retriever last year. This is a yellow lab but they are retriever adjacent so I am now wondering how I could have a dog…
“ Why wait for marriage to have a fabulous cake once or twice a year???” Preach!!!
Clinique is FOR CRUELTY. Animals like to live and loved, and they can’t write letters to anyone. Can we not discriminate how we care?
Ahh, my daughter turns 12 tomorrow (!). I need to read this!
ten years ago had to get a d&c after a missed miscarriage too. it was of course a sad event but it i remember it fondly, because everyone was so kind and i shared the room with a woman who told me stories about her time as an air hostess in the 80s whilst being ecstatic about finally getting rid of her uterus. also I really enjoyed the anesthesia.
I recently had a colonoscopy, and the sleep from the anesthesia was the BEST rest I’ve had in years (currently in perimenopause and waking up all the time) so I get it!!
I had a wicked postpartum hemorrhage in the hospital after my daughter’s birth which could have been terrifying but is actually a fond memory because of how cared for I felt by the nurses and doctor (all women)! Of course this is a privilege to have a safe outcome and not traumatic memories of the event. And similar to Elisabeth, I really enjoyed the Dilaudid.
Just wanted to mention that the Netflix link and the New Yorker article are behind paywalls
Is the expectation that Cup of Jo give you a free Netflix account because they recommend a show? Sometimes the entitlement in this space really makes me smh.
What Netflix program made you laugh? It doesn’t open for me. Thanks!
I’m so completely enraptured by the New Yorker article about being a 12 year old. The writing! The pure accuracy of how weird it is to be 12 in general and the quirks of these current Gen Alpha kiddos in particular – my gosh! I left teaching (middle school) a year and a half ago – both a really hard and really easy decision, and man do I miss those little weirdos. Thank you for sharing.
I am so totally in awe of my 12 year old daughter. She is such a life force. A freaking weather event that is a whirling miracle of toy horses, unabashed love, freely expressed hatred, lipstick, nikes, crocs, puppies, braces, chocolate, sushi, jokes, tears, and hope. I love her so much.
this is very sweet
The Anna Weiner New Yorker story is INCREDIBLE. thank you for the gift link! I grew up in San Francisco, behaving so similarly, and am now raising my two spirited amazing kids here. This piece made me anxious, nostalgic, hopeful, excited. It’s really special and not the same tone as so many pieces about adolescence. I hope people take the time to read it! Anyone want to go spin the wheel at Polly Ann’s (iykyk!)?!
Polly Ann’s! I am always so excited to spin and the anticipation of whether you land on Durian gets me every single time! Thank you for mentioning this spot!
I grew up with Polly Ann’s, only two blocks from my middle school. Didn’t have the gumption to spin the wheel- back then “rum raisin” was the kill-joy, haha! But a time or two, would order a “suicide drink” -a long squirt of every single flavor from their soda fountain machine- grape, cherry, orange, lemon-lime, root beer, cola. Hahahha!
“small for her age but manages to occupy space laterally” is a phenomenal way to describe my daughter who weighs a whopping 45 pounds but commands every room and has big Tasmanian devil energy. This evening at soccer practice she had her friends lined up vying for a turn to give her a piggy back ride. Where did she come from??
Going to my great granddaughter’s citywide honor choir concert tomorrow. She is eleven and competing with four other girls for the solo…fingers crossed.
The PA article reminded me of a sweet, unexpected gesture. After I had my epidural, our baby quickly went into fetal distress and I was rushed into surgery (like, they wheeled me so fast I threw up!). The same anesthesiologist who gave me the epidural stayed with me while my sweet girl was delivered via c-section. After not hearing any noises/sounds, I reluctantly asked him what was happening. He was sitting near my head, and reached over and caressed my forehead as he told me, “they are reviving your baby.” Reader, they were successful and she is now outside throwing a ball with her dad. But, that gesture will stay with me always.
Aww. 🥹
Chills.
Loooooove Sheng Wang; his other special is also hilarious.
We just watched it because of Joanna’s rec and omg he is so funny! My husband was dying the whole time! He has s funny way of making me feel relaxed the same time I’m laughing
Oh I have to hop into the comments and ask if anyone has personal recommendations for swimsuits with underwire. I wear a 36G, so I really prefer some support – I have poked around Reddit a bit looking for recs and even thought about testing more creative solutions, like wearing a silicone sticky bra underneath a swimsuit (I have had success with the NOOD extra lift silicone under clothing). I am going to Greece for the first time (eee!) to meet my boyfriend’s family for the first time (double eee!) in August, so I am on the hunt for a suit!
Freya, Birdsong, Fantasie, as well as Land’s End for suits with underwires and up to DDD.
Bravissimo.com! Lands End has some underwire options that work well, too. Plus Swimsuits For All, where you can filter to only show only underwire options. Here’s hoping you can find something that you like and that keeps you feeling comfy and supported!
If Panache is available in your area, I love their Paloma swimsuit which comes in a range of prints. (I’m 34HH if that helps.)
Bravissimo, Freya, and Panache! They’re all UK-sized, so make sure to check the size conversion, but they work great for me and I’m a 32L.
Yay!!! So happy to have recs from this community
I’m a 34G and I love the Andie Swim snap front suit. It doesn’t have underwire but is so strategically made and the cups provide insane support – I wish my boobs could look like that every day. And the snap front allows you to adjust for coverage. Highly recommend!!!
A splurge, but the Stylest swim bra makes me feel really confident in any suit!
Thank you, Mary, Laura, Abi, Eliza, Ally, and Emily! I have all your recs in a note on my phone to check out. Also, I have been having a tough week – unrelated to swimsuits with bras lol – and it’s just made my day better to check here and see you all took the time to share about swimsuits : ) Girlhood! Not swimwear, but to pass back the good recommendation vibes, check out Polish-made bras if you haven’t! Miseczki is a good website in the U.S., and I have found Polish-made bras really do have a different construction than others I have tried – the band, cup construction, and wires work really well for me!
A link to X?! Ick
Anyone got a simple, sweet idea that makes Mother’s Day bearable for a new partner whose mother is no longer alive? Not recent, but if I can provide some lightness to the day, I’d like to.
Are you able to plant something in your partner’s mother’s memory? Maybe shop for something beautiful at the garden center that speaks to the love?
If your partner had a favorite treat they enjoyed together, maybe you could make or buy it?
We just did this yesterday (lost our mom almost 3 yrs ago) and honestly, there is nothing that makes it bearable except being able to talk about her and distracting ourselves. I think eating a fave food, doing something she liked, and talking about her would be lovely.
Nish, I am sending you a hug. The biggest one ever. I too, had a miscarriage and as my doctor was putting me to sleep for the anesthesia, she held my hand and calmed my broken heart. I felt so heard and seen in my darkest, deepest, fear-filled moment. I know how hard this is. You are seen by us.
Just reading the description for the Sheng Wang special – “and guarding expensive berries…” I love it already! I once saw a baby shower card: “Congrats! Plant berry bushes now. You’ll thank me.” What is it with the berries?
It’s such a funny special! Today I bought blueberries for my kids and a shallot for myself. IYKYK.
Bahaha the baby shower card is so perfect!
Not sure what the draw is, but we pick berries all summer. I did get chickens when my oldest was a toddler (we have had many since then too), but I used to send him out in his oatmeal covered breakfast jammies and they would lovingly peck every morsel off of him and he thought it was the best thing. They’d come running to him!
This is where the mom math article is needed. We are gardeners, so I will offer a real life math problem: When your son is a baby, you plant one blackberry bush, one raspberry bush, two blueberry bushes, and a strawberry patch. What number of berries will your 7yo eat? A. All of them B. A reasonable portion. C. Zero. He thinks they look gross. Answer is C. Motherhood does not reward advanced planning.
I had a MVA for my missed miscarriage last month and I was terrified the procedure would be just another traumatizing piece of this story, specially knowing I would be awake during it. The obgyn and ultrasound technician -Kim, which I will never forget, met me with such compassion and care. I felt so seen and safe. I really admire all the professionals out there dealing with these sad situations daily. To all the women out there wishing and praying for their miracle, I hope we all have our so so loved babies in our arms soon. (Please if you read this comment please send me good vibes, prayers or any other good things you believe in).
Sending love and prayers! I have my double rainbow baby after lots of heartache and a DNC. It’s such a journey.
Vanessa, I am so sorry for your loss, and so glad your healthcare providers were compassionate. As someone who has been there, you have my empathy. If I could send you some of the sunshine out my window right now, I would.
Vanessa, I’m sending you all my love and care from Portland, OR. I pray you will have your baby in your arms soon. My miracle girl just started walking, and I still can’t believe she’s safely here, every single day.
I’m so sorry, Vanessa. I had back to back miscarriages (including a D&C). I’m currently laying in bed watching Toy Story with my perfect 4 and 2.5 year old. Sending you all the good vibes, strength, and hope as you wade through your grief.
Good vibes and prayers your way Vanessa. I’ve been there… Be kind to yourself. It’s so hard.
Vanessa, I’m sending you all my love and hope for your future babies. I struggled with infertility for ten years but now have two daughters (9 and 3) thanks to the unbelievable selflessness of a woman who was able to carry them for me. Don’t give up!
Praying you receive the desire of your heart, Vanessa, and peace for you while you wait. I’m so sorry for your loss
I thought for a moment you had posted a photo of my dog, Boudin! However my boy is a bit older and more chonky I would like to second the button up andie swim one piece. I got it when I was postpartum about five years ago and it’s only now starting to lose its elasticity (I’ll admit to machine washing). Im about 5’9”, have worn it from size 10 to size 6, and am DD. I feel like it held everything together and I could be cute while also taking care of small children! This is not a paid ad but Andie swim if ya want to send me some more suits I am open to the idea… lol I am throwing my daughter’s first ever “friend” bday party tomorrow for her fifth birthday and I am a little nervous. I made a rainbow layer cake and we will be making fairy houses! We recently-ish moved to town and it makes me so happy she has made so many friends. As for the gyn comments – I had an emergency major hemorrhage about a week after my son was born. I was ignored in the ER by the older male doctor, but when I got to the ob ward the doctor there came close to me and spoke to me about the terrifying thing that was happening in the calmest voice. She was, literally, truly, an angel.
Thirding the Andie Swim button-up – I have the ribbed black one and holy moly people always ask about this magical suit. I have big boobs (34G-ish) that have succumbed to gravity in my 30s (sob) and this swimsuit makes me look so insanely vava-voir and gravity defying.
Nish, you just swept me back six years, to November 2019, when I needed a D&C for the miscarriage of our so~wished for, so~wanted, so~awaited second baby. I wept as I drifted to sleep for surgery, and the doctor held my hand and never took her eyes from mine. I felt so cared for by her. Her eyes holding mine is my clearest memory of that day. I am so grateful you were held so gently during that impossible hour, and I am tending roses of belief for a baby in your arms.
I have so much tenderness in my heart for both of you right now. What a big heart you have!
omg, I had to have a D&C for a molar pregnancy and was very scared, and my doctor did the same thing for me, I’ll never forget her holding my hand and telling me, you will be ok. 🥹
i had a D&C too many years ago, and have the most vivid memory of the doctor holding my hand, looking me directly in the eyes asking me “are you okay?” I said yes, until suddenly I got very sleepy/dizzy (the anesthesia must’ve started to kick in) and she gripped my hand hard. Felt so seen.
Sending you love and a big hug, Nish