Have a Beautiful Weekend.

Maybe because this is such and direct promotion? A partnership where money is being earned? And it’s incredibly easy to sub another protein ingredient for groups beef too. I can think of a lot of reasons why a sponsor vs a recipe sits differently, esp when there was a lot discussion about the first post with this sponsor as well.

One of the biggest problems/risks with using AI in that way (or in any way honestly) is: it is trained/biased to always take your side! It’s worse than a brown-noser. That’s why people love using it, it confirms that they are “right”.

Exactly what Mara said. I work with AI all day (unfortunately) and part of my job is to train it. It makes me so nervous that people would use it as a form of therapy, because it’s simply not designed to challenge the ways we think, and that’s what therapy is all about. I know firsthand how scary and unsafe it can feel to start therapy when dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses, but using an AI chatbot is probably one of the worst ways to navigate those struggles.

I am saying this with all the love in the world. Speaking to an LLM with anxiety and trauma is going to make things ten times worse. Please oh please, talk to your GP or check your work for EAP supports. LLMS are dangerous and predatory and you deserve better and the world.

Hi Lulu, I’m sorry you are seeing so many unkind comments here. I understand why you might choose to use an AI tool for support. I am not here to judge or condemn. My therapist actually encouraged me to use AI in between our appointments and I have found it helpful. I do recommend you look into how to add some guardrails so you stay safe. And I hope you are able to find some means of human therapy.

Lulu, hugs friend. I think there is a world of downed in criticizing what an individual is doing, and what a story is talking about on the internet. I agree with what others are saying to you here, but also, I hand so much empathy for the place you are in and I want to be so much more gentle to you personally than I would ever be in a general discussion about this topic. Maybe it doesn’t matter, but it feels very different, and I’m sorry you are feeling attacked, I don’t like that. I will add that I’m in therapy, same therapist for years, and I can’t even state how important this kind caring woman is to me. Her humanness, her smile, her raised eyebrow, her responding to my tears with an immediate reminder to take a breath, where do you feel that Sasha? All of this, get wholeness as a human is what helps me work out my problems, not just a logical answer. There’s very little of that honestly. I want this for you friend.

But my question is – why do you need to chat to a robot on this? Do we not agree it’s healthier to process your anxieties and emotions with a therapist, talking to a real live friend, or even just by journaling and allowing yourself to sort it out? What kind of value does AI really offer in this situation, besides weird validation that is programmed to agree with you? If you need answers on uncertainties, you’re better off with a licensed therapist or looking inward to find the answers.

I don’t think its black and white. I can’t see a problem bouncing thoughts to an Ai for reflection just as long as you are not relying on it for your decisions or for anything other than a reflection of your own thoughts. It is 2nd best to journaling because it not personalized but coming from outside the norm it can lend another perspective to help you sort your thoughts. Just make sure your cookies and cache and history are emptied before and after using it. I’m not sure if it is more private to use it with or without a subcription…the downside to using it with a subscription is that now they have your deepest issues attached to a name and your data…that’s not good. For these reasons, I stick to pen and paper on all personal musings. But it’s tempting to ask it personal questions, so I get it. I just wish tech wasn’t so evil. So sad.

@ Sarah – a bot is free. So many Americans have no health insurance and a therapist is an expensive recurring cost. I would love to hear from Marie, below, who trains Ai, if she knows how to engage with it anonymously. Also, I would never take anything a bot says as “true”. Even if all it does is confirm what I write, it’s helpful to see my thoughts.

R J – that’s exactly why I offered options such as “talking to a real live friend, or even just by journaling” after therapy. I am aware not everyone can afford it. I am also not convinced that AI offers any sort of benefit in this scenario, as it can be dangerous and harmful.

Thanks for sharing today’s article on Sam Altman and OpenAI. What a nightmare. Power-hungry sociopaths abound and the rest of the world suffers.

Lee, your comment, more than any other recommendations, is what is convincing me I need to join the ranks of her readers. Fabulous human is hard to beat.

Amen! I note and appreciate this every time Cup of Jo does it. Also use and love libro.fm for audiobooks.

Amen. I see no point. And the harm are just enormous. Thank you for bringing this up, don’t stop yelling about it

100% agree. There is no upside to using any of these AI products. Our health insurance company has said they are starting to use AI… I can only assume that claims will be denied faster and for ridiculous reasons, and appeals will be on the rise.

I work in a not for profit health system and recently attended a webinar on AI in health care. The speaker was mentioning that physicians are using AI to respond to denials from health insurers around meds/tests and health insurers are using AI to respond to those physician communications – seems absurd.

What was your issue?

I was a bit put off at first but, thanks to your comment, I went and Googled her and found this helpful article from Lilith: https://lilith.org/2024/05/bess-kalb-talks-boymoms-humor-and-jewish-books/ I think she was just a bit flippant and overzealous with her framework of business-speak with a toddler. I hope this helps.

Yes the gift link isn’t working for me on mobile, maybe it works on desktop?

If you mean you’re being transferred to NYC, not New York State, you will find your way and hopefully love it. The city is surprisingly friendly in general and also quite kid friendly, in its own way. Central Park is absolutely wonderful for small kids. Even though it’s 20 years old now, I highly recommend this book about returning to NYC after 5 years in Paris. Through the Children’s Gate: A Home in New York by Adam Gopnik | Goodreads I am responding to your post because we had the same situation, but in reverse 15 years ago. We moved to London from NYC with our 6 week old son. My husband is half French and I half Canadian. We chose to rent a flat next to Kew gardens. While the nature aspect was wonderful, and we were in the gardens daily, I was so very lonely. We moved back when he was 3 so we never had to deal with schools, but the upside of having kids in schools is that you make friends with other mothers! If you find that you’re homesick, there are so many French and British expat events going on. There is a wonderful French bookstore called ALBERTINE | Home that has wonderful events, for example. And for your children, there is French Children’s Books – ‘La Librairie des Enfants’ in NYC . Having lived in various places outside of the US including Paris and Budapest as well as London, I’m here to reassure you that, like London, NYC is its own world and international in a way that few places can ever be. It’s also my favorite place in the world. It’s very different from anywhere else in the US. Also know that, in NYC, the vast, vast majority of people are not Trump supporters.

Hello! My parents moved for work often, with small kids, and I’m sure it was very difficult but my mom looks back on their “adventures” with a lot of happiness now. Nothing lasts forever!

Just for what it’s worth, I’m not that keen on America, and I’m American! What I’d say is that many Americans are lovely, even if America is not. It’s also a geographically very divided area. The phrase “especially not now” suggests you aren’t a fan of the Trump administration. In New York, you’ll find most other people aren’t either. Maybe look at it as an adventure for a few years – an opportunity to explore a new country?

Firstly, I would say that your feelings are valid. It’s OK to not want to move your family and it’s OK to be apprehensive about moving to a country in turmoil that is fast losing its tentative grip on both decency and democracy. Also, I don’t know anything about you but some of us definitely have more privilege than others and I think your concerns are doubly valid if you happen to be a POC. It’s not the best time to be a black or brown immigrant in this country. Having said all that, New York is an amazing, vibrant, diverse city with a smart and compassionate new mayor. It could be a great move. All the news coming out of this country is scary but a lot us are actually decent people who are loving and fun and welcoming to newcomers. And you don’t have to stay forever. Good luck with your decision!

I think a lot of things can be true at the same time. Americans, by and large are actually pretty great, I think anyways. We are a diverse, vibrant, friendly people. I’m from Montana, lived her my whole life, but I’ve visited NYC and was shocked at how friendly and safe. And also, America is not ok. Not right now certainly, but for a lot of us, it never has been. We have MASSIVE endemic problems that you will absolutely feel (health care for example, public schools). America is awesome for billionaires. I think we are a failing, falling empire, and I think coming from the UK you can probably relate. I think it’s highly possible that something like civil war could break out at any time. Trump is a mad man. Honestly, many of us are very afraid that this is something like 1939. Would you have moved to Berlin in 1939? Oof. I don’t know. That sounds so hyperbolic….. I’m not one for hyperbole. No one in 1939 could see what was coming either. Sorry for the gloom. I hope you find a path that’s right for your family.

I wish I could whole-heartedly say take it! Unfortunately, right now I can’t say I’m proud of being from the US. If I had the choice, I wouldn’t be moving here right now. That said, I was also recently unemployed (sole earner) and know how hard it is to feel that insecurity with a young family. Our government has been a swinging pendulum. I’m praying the backswing comes swiftly but it’s hard to count on that. If you can find something that keeps your family rooted and content, even if less desirable, I would take it. If not, take the NY package! There are always places and people of sunshine to be found, like CoJ and a good neighborhood park. Either way, I and mine will keep working to make the US a place that families like yours don’t want to avoid!

One of the most American things ever is to ‘go with the flow’. If your flow is leading you this direction and it is work your husband would enjoy, then I would trust life. I am a believer that life always takes you where you need to be, or if not then at least, provides you with an opportunity to learn new things about yourself and your family. It is just as risky to be too safe as to try something new. Plus, always remember that the media and a small cohort of bad actors are NOT America – if anything, they are the traitors to the freedom and justice that the majority of Americans live for. You must look for the good and also BE the good. Is there any way you can fly over for a long weekend before committing?

Anon: You have such an interesting opportunity and I’ve been thinking about it for the past day now. Everyone has made such thoughtful comments and while they are polar opposites, both sides can be true with varying probabilities. That the offer is amazing & your husband is the sole earner gives the situation more weight. This is what I have to add: 1) Have you visited NYC before? I think a visit would add some clarity. 2) Could the position significantly advance your husband’s career? 3) I would also ask for some specifics from the company. Can you indicate the length of stay? For example, two year responsibility with the option of staying in NYC or being integrated back into the UK side. 4) What provisions are in place should there be an emergency? For example if you had to leave urgently (which is probably a very, very small likelihood but good to ask). Best of luck to you and would love to know in the future what you chose if you’re comfortable sharing.

Go with your gut, and be brutally honest about how you feel with yourself and your partner. Leave nothing unsaid before you make this move. I personally would rather go to London than live in the US right now, but that’s just me! Also, I second what another reader said about visiting if you can, and city vs NY state does make a difference. Really think about your lifestyle in London – if you currently love it, no amount of money is worth leaving. It’s also good to consider if your partner has the option to move back to London and resume another role, should you move and it doesn’t work out. Food for thought!

I think it’s very different. AI writes back.

There was one comment on the ChatGPT post that put it into a different perspective for me. This was more like opening up your partner’s internet browser to google something and they had like 5 tabs open for porn, you click one and discover that they’re into some freaky stuff. It would even be more akin to using Google on their laptop and seeing that they had previously looked up “how to break up with my girlfriend” than looking in their diary. Opening up someone’s diary is a fundamentally different action than going to use someone’s browser.

There was a lot of discussion in the comments from both men and women (which was its own interesting read!). The author replied that it was not her intent to snoop. She was just using the laptop to send a file for work. But she said if you saw a window open in the front screen titled “Relationship Issues and Uncertainty with Elle” and didn’t open that, your self control would be greater than most individuals. That being said, this article was riveting and so thought provoking for many, many different reasons. Like others, if I read that my beloved partner said that he had “never felt proud of me”, I’m not sure I could move past that one. I can list the positives of all my exes.

For me, the whole point of journaling is that it also, like chat gpt, “writes back”. My journal entries are full of advice that drops in from the great unknown. It’s certainly not all from me. I’m not channeling, but there is wisdom that wells up from deep within and this is what chatgpt is trying to eliminate. Engage your own wisdom people. Journaling is winning behavior.

Gosh Bee, I love love love the point that you are making here. I’ve never seen it articulated in this way, and you are so right. There IS a responsiveness built into journaling, and it can be very powerful.

Hi Alexi, I’m curious about your point of view (I’m a fellow vegetarian). I shop at stores that sell meat, have friends who eat meat, read books in which meat is consumed, eat ant restaurants where meat is consumed etc. I’m curious about if you have a similar stance RE not associating with other businesses or people who sell, promote, or consume meat.

I will miss you Alexi, and I admire your taking a stand. We willing choose to look away from so much. So so much. I grew up on a ranch in Montana. All my people ever did until my generation was raise cows (land wasn’t fertile enough for anything else). The family ranch is still in production by my cousins. And by 5 years old, I knew, deeply in my heart that I did not want to eat these sweet friends that I petted, nuzzled, that would see my golden hair and come running for a treat out of my hand. I loved my horses and dogs, and the cows. And I didn’t understand why they had to die. This is the grass fed, open range ranch life glamorized greatly right now as more ethical (and just glamorous in general, i can assure you it’s fucking NOT, calving February alone would break most). Ethical?? I don’t know about that. Only if your ethics stop at death. And for almost all beef, it’s a lie. Even these cows end up in finishing feed lots in KC, in absolutely deplorable conditions. Nothing humane. Not remotely. We don’t have finishing and slaughter where the cows are raised, it’s just economics. The human working conditions in these places are enough to say no as well. I decided long ago not to be confrontational or judge others. Again, this is my family, the place i love. But I haven’t eaten beef since I was a kid. My dad didn’t understand. But he also respected his strong headed girl and how much I loved animals, he did too. I raised my girls vegetarian. I’m mostly vegan (plus eggs from our own hens) these days. I applaud those who do speak up, who do take stands, who do push. My god, NO ONE is more obnoxious than meat lovers. It’s just laughable to me when someone dogs on vegans. I just wanted to add my perspective, because you hear a lot from producers that they are somehow different and that somehow vegans don’t understand about animals or something. This ranch girl is 100% team we don’t eat or friends and cows (and chickens and pigs and fish too) are most certainly our friends. Thank you for speaking up Alexi.

Truly I say this with empathy but if you are determined enough you will virtue signal yourself into total and compete isolation. People are allowed to believe different things and the standards and rules you and your family decide to live by are allowed to be different than someone else’s and its ok to have a diverse landscape of rules, ideas and commitments brush up against yours. I know a family with a heartbreakingly young daughter that has to eat strictly keto to keep her seizures at bay. It could be worth murmuring “good for them, not for me” when consuming any online content and enjoying the space Jo and Team have given us.

Thanks for raising a critical point here, Alexi. The ONE action people can take against climate change is to shift their food practices. This adds up to more carbon savings than anything to do with cars or airplane tickets or plastic purchases. I’m an earth scientist, and I find it SO tough when people ask me about individual actions on climate, because this is just the data-driven answer, but it’s a challenging answer for many people. I appreciate that you’re not basing your advocacy only on climate change, though. But since it’s my job to thread this needle for people — here’s what the data say versus here’s what I feel ready to take on — I do want to share my follow-up advice, which only pertains to the climate thread of your message. We have the tools to solve climate change, and I am confident we will solve it. We will do this at the community level, like: cities, states/provinces, nations, and major corporations. So, I strongly recommend focusing on action that moves the needle at that scale: your entire city or larger. Smaller than that is just not enough. And when I think of actions that work at that scale, it’s primarily voting, and all things related to voting. Access to voting, removing entrenched and hostile political regimes (which could be at the local or state/province scale, not just nationally), all the stuff that gives ACTION back to individual voices like yours, Alexi. I also don’t think it’s an either/or, that folks can’t also ensure their individual actions align with what they wish for the whole world. I just worry that when we center those individual behavior changes exclusively, we risk eroding our friends’ abilities to join the fight at the “cities and bigger” level. And we can only solve climate change at that scale. Thanks for coming to my CoJ TED talk, and big hugs to you, Alexi.

Alexi – I totally respect your viewpoint. But honestly – what do you want us to do here? Not everyone can afford to give up meat – some for dietary reasons, others because they simply want to eat it. I understand that this is a tough topic, but like most crises in our world, they cannot be solved by this one community. Even if every reader of CoJ said YES! We will stop eating meat! The rest of the world would continue on and unfortunately, there are 8.3 billion people in it. Mass change can’t occur from this tiny community, though we can certainly contribute to it. Though I respect the point you’re making, and you should leave the blog behind if it’s not serving you, you can’t expect the rest of us to follow your lifestyle.

If you can find the brand of smoothie powder, please share. It sounds great.

As a second recommendation to Kim’s but in terms of colour, I recommend adding a ½ teaspoon per serving of beetroot powder to fruit smoothies – if I make a double batch and store some in the fridge for another day, unfortunately, the berries naturally lose their colour and the smoothie looks a bit sad! The beetroot powder helps maintain the natural berry colours.

I was thinking a lot about this. I know my husband had doubts early in our relationship and considered breaking up with me. If ChatGPT existed then he probably would have used it (for better or worse) to process his thoughts. I think it would have been similarly devastating to see them written out. But those thoughts were meant to be private, like a journal. I worry more about the sycophantic nature of AI and how it could reinforce negative thoughts, and push for a break up, instead of a mature adult conversation about concerns.

you analyze everything with chatgpt to process your thoughts? girl….

Yes, I analyze every single thing! It has been hugely helpful in my life. I think out loud and previous partners often got tired of it. They needed quiet time or just didn’t share my interests at the time. A lot of people are anti-AI but the more I used it the more I was able to train the bot to help me see various sides of the situation, and AI coaches like dan Martell helped me realize that we can all build this skill to leverage ai. It also helped me understand how I was overfunctioning in relationships and exposed a lot of my friendships as empty or simply dead. I fully understand what that guy was doing in the article and I would have done the same. I respect that not everyone wants to have ai in their lives and I would suggest, one has to heavily train the bot before it can be constructive, and is a great complement but a different process from journalling. In this article ChatGPT is not the enemy. It just exposes the habit the author had of picking partners who weren’t all in from day one and then storming out on them in the middle of the night. And this is what she tells us, one paragraph at a time

Malena, I hope you read this with the generosity I mean it. Reading this line in your comment made me worry: “It also helped me understand how I was overfunctioning in relationships and exposed a lot of my friendships as empty or simply dead.” I’ve heard that LLMs like ChatGPT tend to be something akin to sycophantic (because if they validate you and make you think that you are almost always right, you’ll be a more frequent user and that means $$$$$$ for the companies that make these bots). I worry that someone in your position would end friendships with real, imperfect people who still love and support you because of a bot trained to confirm your worst fears about them in order to keep you as a user. It’s probably worth also talking things through with a therapist and/or trusted human friends and family before making such huge decisions. I am the mother of a young child, and I am wracked with worry about the environmental devastation of data centers, so I’d also like to implore people not to use A.I. unless and until it becomes more sustainable, but I realize you probably don’t want to hear about that from me. Sending you love

As someone who trains AI frequently in my profession, you can’t train it (at least not at this time) to challenge how you think. It’s only function is to agree with, reinforce, and confirm your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

@Smoothliminal 100% agree about the environment + data centers. I can’t think about that stuff or I won’t sleep. But chatgpt didn’t “tell me” what was true. It just assembles patterns. It’s a tool, not a drug. Just like I can feed it numbers and say, “What does this data say” – I can do the same thing with my friendships. Even without chatgpt the data said the same thing about ALL my relationships. Did those people love me? Sure, sometimes, maybe, who knows. I am not looking for love as Disney movie I am looking for actions. Did they show up if I did nothing? Of course not. that’s the definition of over-functioning. A breakthrough that happened because I was ready for it, not because chatgpt existed. This is exactly what the article was about – a couple whose relationship seemed to have run its course. I am genuinely baffled by the anti-chatgpt vibe in the comments section. It’s like being against electricity. AI and ChatGPT are here to stay. OpenAI is about to go public and will have even more users. It’s a tool. A massively useful tool. Can we live without electricity? Sure. Should we? Obviously not ;) Same for AI.

What a privilege to choose not to think about your actions and their consequences so that you can sleep at night! This comment thread is chilling AF.

The thing, Malena, is that chatGPT and other LLMs get it wrong all. the. time. Sure, you can ask it to analyze patterns, and it’ll spit something back at you, but sooooo often it’s incorrect. 80% of my daily work is fact-checking AI-generated content. It’ll quote numbers, statistics, analyze concepts, and I’ll go back and check its sources only to find it got things wrong or completely made things up very, very often. The danger is when people assume everything it says is true; even worse when people assume it’s giving them a valid analysis of concepts or patterns because it doesn’t have logic. It’s functionally unable to “think” in the way people assume it does. In your example, you said you can feed it numbers and ask it, “What does this data say?” This is literally almost all of my job, and it gets it wrong about 50% of the time, depending on which model you’re using and in what iteration. Also, comparing AI to electricity is total apples to oranges; not even close to the same thing, conceptually or actually. I agree with you that AI is here to stay—there’s no going back now—but the attitude that it’s no more dangerous than electricity borders on willful ignorance.

SDY I agree, totally. It’s chilling and grotesque.

A kind man who loves her who said he wasn’t attracted to her and has never felt proud of her? Weird definition of love.

@ Malena and Smooth Liminal – just wondering, have you contacted your state senators with your feelings on the environmental impact of data centers? It WILL help us all and then maybe we can all sleep at night. What I’ve requested of them is that it is mandated that new technology like data centers specifically, use ONLY, exclusively renewable energy like solar. It is unlimited and freely available – those data center roofs are on average 10k to 1 mil square feet – that’s a lot of room for solar panels. It should be mandatory.

Holy macaroni. I had to re-read the phrase about “training the bot” to make sure I wasn’t reading a joke. Is it just me or has the world gone completely insane??? I can say with 100+% certainty that ChapGPT is non-existent in my very full and meaningful world/life. I source all of my research in my career back to humans and human-led trials, etc. Bots/AI/ChatGPT, IMO, are the leading cause of cognitive rot in society. How are people missing this? I work in the helping/service/health field. The success of humans’ abilities to function in life does not lay in the world of AI etc. it relies on human connection, collaboration, love, and respect for nature. Honestly, I am so grateful I did not choose to have children on the brink of this time. I would be absolutely terrified for their future. What I hear and see in my work with people who turn toward this is shocking. I agree there is likely no turning back as this is out of our hands now. But we can individually make better and more effective choices for ourselves while we still can. Just because a so-called tool exists, it doesn’t mean that we can or should use it.

electricity was also “dangerous” when it was new just like many new technologies. of course chatgpt and claude and all the rest make mistakes. of course! the question is to be a luddite and adopt slowly (lose time, money, benefits), or adopt fast, benefit early (lose face thinking you were smarter than ai). I’m def not smarter than the app for 1000s of things. so I keep my brain for the things only I can do, and use it for everything else. @RJ no I have not called my senators. I’m too busy learning how to leverage AI to have an amazing life, better health, better relationships, and make more money.

Malena – I’d be wary of Dan Martell if I were you. It takes a simple google search to find out that guy is problematic in several ways (scammer/MLM vibes). That being said, “heavily training the bot” might make it understand what you’re trying to say better, but it is no substitute for a human being. LLMs are for summaries and not for back and forth dialogue. They are built to agree with you and we have seen MANY examples of how this can go sideways. Please, consult with a licensed therapist, or if you are unable, at least find a trusted human to talk to.

I’m curious why y’all are so suspicious of ChatGPT and LLMs. They’re tools. They’re here to stay. @Sarah Levy Dan Martell runs a $100M company, has a happy marriage, excellent health, healthy children, and a clean reputation. He may be “problematic” but everyone has those sides when you look for them. He’s certainly a lot smarter than me! Yes, in some ways humans are better than AI. But I just used AI to find an Airbnb. It did it in 5 min in Chrome while I was using ChatGPT in another browser. So yes, AI is faster, better, cheaper than a human in 90% of cases! I’m genuinely curious – why would you actively avoid something that can save you 100s of hours a year – that you can then spend with the people/pets you love, or just… sleep more?

The situation really had little to do with ChatGPT. A woman read her partner’s private thoughts and didn’t like what she saw. First lesson of snooping is you need to be prepared for what you find. Most lessons are learned the hard way.

100% agree wholeheartedly

You might like her in Friends and Neighbors! I’m really enjoying that series right now. 2nd season just started.

That was my exact thought!! Does this man not have any friends to confide in? It is absolutely depressing that we’re choosing to turn to a predictive text model instead of our fellow man. ALSO and this is a BIG ONE, ChatGPT and OpenAI are under no obligation to keep your secrets secret. They are not bound by HIPAA, ChatGPT is not a legally bound entity. OpenAI can save, catalogue, and view your private chats as much as it wants to bc it is a for-profit tech company and not a medical provider! It is deeply worrying to me that people are willingly volunteering extremely personal and incriminating information. Use ChatGPT as a tool if you absolutely must, but do not treat it as a friend and certainly not as a therapist.

Most adult men do not have friends. Joanna’s previous husband wrote an article about this in NYT which our lovely JG had linked to at the time. Sad, but 100% normal.

I don’t have any adult friends and I’m single. That’s why I’m here, lol. I think it is very common.

Gaaaahhhh!

I think that all the best aunties are a Commotion ;)

Oh that’s amazing!

I was about to say the same thing! Yews Farm is not far from us either and we visited on an open day last July. It really is a lovely place – the topiary is so magical!

That ChatGPT piece was so hard to read but I think ChatGPT has nothing to do with this at all. If the boyfriend had kept a journal, he would have written all the same things. I think the story is proof of something more human and upsetting, which is that people have such clear doubts and yet can’t be honest with themselves. They need an oracle to tell them what they know they must do. But even when the oracle says “break up” he still couldn’t do it. And neither could she for a long time. This is such a human story and I have a lot of compassion for both the humans involved. (Though Jess, I completely agree: enough with the robots! Everyone go find a human friend to confide in!)

I also felt very unnerved by this—and honestly unnerved by how normalized the chat gpt use was to begin with, in the story! A writer running an email through AI, even if they’re tired etc, is fairly disturbing to me. I did not enjoy my peek into that world though understand I can’t bury my head in the sand about it.

Um I’m not Chat GPT or AI and I thoroughly approve of your comment! Thank you, Jess!

Also freaking love Beth Ann Fennelly. Her newsletter on Substack is hilarious and so good too

I found this piece tragic and horrifying all at once. Yes, because she stumbled on his greatest fears and doubts, but more so that he was discussing these feelings with a chat bot! There are so many articles that prove these things aren’t trustworthy. Its this where we are now? It’s don’t get it. It’s very sad.

Very well said. “humans forgetting how to be human”. YES. The development and use of AI is terrifying.

I agree wholeheartedly, Jess. I am borderline neo-Luddite in my own life, though I can appreciate AI’s potential in some technical fields (delegating some of that work to resource-gobbling machines so that humans with expertise that’s *also* in short supply can do more nuanced work is a use case that makes some sense, though I still don’t like it). I’m a writer, and what I write is the only nuanced way I will persist for creatures that don’t know me personally when my meat suit expires. To cede the privilege of rigorous, expertise-building research or increasingly-rare chances to share the way this world has marinated in me is unthinkable. Cyrano de Bergerac, But a Dustbuster leaves me ice-cold.

Beth Ann Fennelly!! Celebrity sighting! I absolutely love your work too – you are so incredibly talented and have such a unique voice. Can’t wait to read your new book!

Hopefully fewer of those people will want to pay for those seats than parents with little kids lol!

I like shiny skin too. I know I am sposed to powder my greasy face but I just feel I look clean and alive and bright with shiney skin. GFHNFM

Oh wow. After reading your comment, I had to go back and revisit the page. I assumed the shiny pic was the after photo! So I am with you here. I understand a greasy face can lead to acne etc, but I am all for the more natural look.

I had the same thought. Then again, I am never on-trend, so…

Agreed! The afters looked filtered and fake. The befores were human and beautiful.

I agree! I like the before photos better too. They look brighter and more alive!

I prefer the before photos too! They look more vibrant and healthy to me.

I agree. My first reaction to this was “Why does anyone need to be blurred?

I agree! The afters looked cakey to me. Not my thing, though happy for anyone who likes that look.

I agree! I find the before pictures beautiful and interesting, and the afters…kind of flat and uninteresting? It’s interesting that they chose models with little in the way of flaws or imperfections even in the befores

Same!! The before looks all glowy!

I had a similar reaction!

I agree, and I find the term “blurring powder” highly depressing.

I love the weather in western WA !! Moved here from PA 3 years ago, and this weather is far superior! I have my windows open April through October. No a/c and I love that !! If we have a few 90 degree days in the summer I don’t care ! No humidity and back in the 50s at night ! Not so in PA where it doesn’t cool down at night. The sunny summer porch days here are heaven. I don’t mind the rain either. We rarely have deluges like PA and we have these glorious ” sun breaks ” here when it does rain. I love these summers. They’re long too. :)

Suz! Heather! Same same! I wish I could transport pals to seeing orcas this week from our dining room table or the scent of the linden blossoms or the Father John Misty show I just crawled into bed from (my god, I’m a gay and he is so SO SEXY!), Seattle has my soul forever!

Waking up in Seattle this morning with the sun blazing at me through the cool morning and feeling PNW grateful, too :)

I adore living in Seattle everywhere you look is a view it’s absolutely gorgeous

Oooh thank you Suse! I love a lot of the clothes shared here but they are usually over my budget.

Ooh! I also love Muji. I’m a fanatic of their pens. I take all of my work notes by hand and do a lot of writing/journaling by hand and these .38mm fine tips are addictive. https://www.muji.us/collections/pens/products/gel-ink-cap-type-ballpoint-pen-set-10-pieces-set-9a63?_pos=2&_fid=682ce564a&_ss=c&variant=40277677375678

10% of the American population is vegetarian. I am a former vegetarian; when I had various medical problems my doctor told me to try incorporating meat into my lifestyle, not for every meal but consistently. It helped me. Meat is necessary for some people. I share your compassion for animals but asking Jo to turn down a partnership that aligns with her values (ethical meat) in order to placate 10% of the population is unrealistic.

Thank you for expressing this, you are not alone in these concerns. The dairy and meat industry is very cruel and we can’t turn a blind eye to the treatment of animals for human’s food consumption.

I feel the same way too, Amelie. I read through all of the comments the last time and was encouraged to see pushback on this partnership and was hoping it would be noticed. The suffering and destruction caused by animal agriculture is truly devastating for animals, for people and for our planet. I always think to myself, if people really knew…

I think it’s actually quite brave of them to not always write to our needs and wants. (Not just about the meat advertising, but about other topics as well).

Hi Amelie, I agree with you and I feel the same. I don’t think this is a ‘you do you’ situation. Animals deserve social justice as well and I would like to see everyone live in ‘veganville’ and at the same time I know it will take countless small steps to get there. In ‘How to Create a Vegan World: A Pragmatic Approach’ the author Tobias Leenaerts talk about this ideal of ‘veganville’ and he says that better animal welfare, like sith the mest box CoJ proposes, is a good thing, if it’s a step on the way to ‘veganville’. I pray for more and more awareness about animal suffering and that so may excellent alternatives exist now for animal meat and dairy. Anywho, those are my morning ramblings here in Belgium. Warm greatings to you!

I’m resharing the comment I made on the last Butcherbox post. It is not always as black and white as it seems. I went vegetarian as a child (my decision) and was for a couple of decades. I had to reintroduce meat because nothing else was helping the various health issues I’d been dealing with for years. My body does so much better on an omnivore diet, which has been very hard to come to terms with. I’m so grateful to be able to access more humanely raised, ethical animal products. I know my situation is unusual and many people eat meat unthinkingly, and yes encouraging vegetarianism is something we can and should continue to do, but I am all for increasing the prevalence of better, more ethical alternatives for the many people who will never stop eating meat.

Same here!

Some thoughts on this: From my pov COJ is neither a child to be scolded nor is this a contractual situation between the reader and the blogger-team, as in a non-paid offer for readers all over the internet. I value the values COJ has. I value that even if not necessarily my take on things (or budgets, topics, lifestyles) it seems clear that COJ stand for what they want and believe in. And that they talk about it and do not hide it. I want those „friends“ so I can exist in a world where e.g. meat consumption is not a topic for —> see para 1, but more „good for x, fullstop“…without even putting my take after the comma. Or, if I want, I could ask COJ if there is an equivalent subscription box for non-meat products with the identical nutrition value & quality and that I would love to learn more. Make it an invitation! xo

It is a tremendous privilege to decide not to eat meat. With love, A Global Southerner

If you are unhappy with blog content, you are free to stop reading. You are not, however, entitled to dictate the content. This is not your blog. And, much as you may disagree, the world is full of omnivores who have made their choices as you have. Do not patrol this blog and chastise. Write your own.

Why do you think your opinions and concerns should run the show and control and censor the content on a blog you don’t write?

I agree, Amelie. I’ve been a strict vegetarian/sometimes vegan for nearly 40 years and made the decision when I was a kid and spent time on my great uncle’s small dairy farm. I petted and held calves and swam with them and thought could I kill this being because I fancy a burger? The answer was no and still is no. And, not meaning disrespect to the folks who commented on health problems on a veg diet, but I have had no minor or major health problems in my entire life.

As Nigerian Girl gently points out, it’s a tremendous privilege to choose (and have the choice) to be vegetarian or vegan. As a Canadian, I can’t help thinking about the huge swathes of the global north where fresh produce and groceries in general are rare and prohibitively expensive, not to mention poor quality when they do finally get flown in. For centuries people here have been hunting, sealing, and fishing for sustenance and warmth and doing so in ways that honour the land and its creatures while also ensuring long-term sustainability. There’s more than one way to respect animals. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. :)

I agree! I love this blog and in that spirit I think it’s okay to give respectful feedback about sponsors and marketing. Even if not everyone agrees on the animal ethics part, for the sake of easing the climate crisis we all need to be eating way fewer animals. I think influencers can play a role here by not (even mildly) promoting industries that are driving climate change – just my two cents!

If I could upvote Nigerian Girl’s comment a few hundred times, I would. I read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver a few years ago, and it completely changed the way I think about farming and animal agriculture. Highly, highly recommend that book to everyone – especially folks who think there’s only one ethical way to eat.

My husband had a near death experience 25 years ago. In that experience he saw we are all the same- we are all one. He could never understand people’s preference for eating plants over animals- he has always said since that experience that plants are beings just as we are. They have feelings and experience pain just as we do. Just something to think about – please continue to care deeply about all beings on the planet but understand things are not always as they appear with our human eyes. A choice is not “better” than other. (And my husband eats meat as well.)

Nigerian Girl, I agree—not everyone has the same access to food choices, and that really matters. But I think that’s actually why it feels worth talking about what people with a lot of options choose to do. A luxury meat subscription is very much in the ‘we have choices’ category, so it seems fair to ask how we use that privilege, yes?

Yes, Nigerian Girl, yes! Thank you for writing this!

+1 for Amelie. Yes, some people must eat meat for health reasons but it’s the gluttonous eating of eating more both in quality and quantity that horrifies me, not just meat but mass butchering in general. Eating meat for health reasons is understandable but don’t just kill the other animals because you enjoy variety!!! We can eat simply so other animals can simply live!!!

Rolling my eyes. This is a You Do You Situation for the reader who thinks it is not. People get to decide what they eat, what they post, who they partner with, what they read and of course what they think.

This is quite the hill to die on. Humans are, biologically, omnivorous. Brava for deciding not to be. CoJ is offering best options for something that is and will be. Not every body can function on whatever alternative diet you are suggesting. I find often that people who are this loud about “animals as social justice” often don’t care very much for people, and not in the same magnitude. The blog and Jo are allowed to hold views and have lifestyles that are counter to yours. Demanding that someone change- or pretend to change- their diet to suit your view of animals is really odd.

Another point from someone who was vegetarian for over 20 years – our grasslands evolved with hooved herbivores and as we killed those off those ecosystems have tanked. Using rotational grazing of cattle has actually been shown to increase water retention in the soil, promote biodiversity, and reduce invasive plants by mimicking what bison and others did. Additionally, eating locally raised meat and keeping our consumption to a smaller radius from where we live is more sustainable than shipping in foods from across the world. Finally, there is no food production that does not cause animal death. Whether it is through pesticides (ugh), or dispatching groundhogs or others that eat crops, it is nigh impossible to entirely reduce death. Personally, yes I try to reduce meat consumption, but when I do eat it I try to do it from local sources who utilize rotational razing and other ecological farming means, and also support my local farmers trying to make a living.

Don’t “Comments” mean ANY comments? Let people comment on anything they want. If you have another viewpoint, you should be free to express it. It gets pretty tedious to hear people trying to shame other people, no matter which side they are on. Also, your viewpoint would sound so much stronger if it was just your own. Just to remind people, comments generate revenue, so even “negative” comments are helping Jo, really. Let’s let everyone speak.

The vast majority of humans consume meat, for reasons ranging from health to culture to preference and beyond, and I am grateful to Jo for expanding of our view of caring ways to consume.

I am with you on this Amelie. Live and let live is often used to quiet minority opinions. I do not believe people have the knowledge about inhumane treatment of animals and/or the bandwidth to consider it because of all of life’s BS. Sadly, this is just reality for many people. It is not an easy thing for most to think about.

I respect vegetarians and vegans (my brother is one!), but SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO EAT MEAT. I am not talking about preference. I am talking about people’s bodies failing without it. Plenty of former vegetarians and vegans have talked about this. I’m sorry it’s not preferable and I know the climate is suffering (along with animals), and I do understand and feel for that. But there is no alternative for people whose bodies need that type of specific sustenance.

If you are thinking of breastfeeding, the book So That’s What They’re For helped me tremendously when I had early struggles.

Congratulations!!!! What to Expect the First Year saved my butt on so many occasions. Our pediatrician said “you can always call me, but know that I will tell you what is in that book.” I used it as a reference book, not a casual read-through, for everything with my first child and still check it occasionally with my second. SO helpful! I found Emily Oster’s Expecting Better extremely comforting during pregnancy, when I was extremely anxious about everything. It really boils down what you actually need to worry about and what risks are overstated in pregnancy. I used The Sleepeasy Solution for sleep training and highly, highly recommend it. My son sleeps consistently well and naps! I attribute a lot of my happiness in life to him sleeping.

I would say look into how to care for a newborn over how to prepare for birth!! I did the opposite and was so prepared for birth when I didn’t need to be (the amazing nurses and doctors took care of me and everything went differently than what I expected ) and then I had NO idea what to do once I came home with my baby. Utilize any free classes on newborn care from your hospital , practice on friends babies , etc!!!

Sweet Marla — Congratulations! You’re so excited, you’re so nervous, you’re trying to banish the uncertainty by reading everything and being THE MOST PREPARED. I don’t fault you one bit. I will just lovingly share that pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and parenting are absolute fucking chaos. Nothing is predictable, nothing is controllable, the gorgeous and the harrowing will both exceed any expectations you have. So read up, fantasize about the future, and enjoy this precious moment… and maybe, if you can, begin to let in the awareness that this is all a lesson you learn by living it, not a test you can study for. Begin a practice of self-compassion now; begin trying to tolerate uncertainty now. That will serve you more than any book or resource. Wishing you a beautiful journey and every blessing. Love!

I’m a little behind you with (hopefully!) my rainbow baby. I love Jen Hamilton’s TikTok and have ordered her book Birth Vibes. She talks a lot about setting expectations around labor & delivery and how to communicate with your medical team. As someone who has white coat anxiety, the way she educates makes me feel hopeful and prepared for all the medical stuff in my future.

Loved this one; https://bookshop.org/p/books/nurture-a-modern-guide-to-pregnancy-birth-early-motherhood-and-trusting-yourself-and-your-body-erica-chidi/81bcdf704977410f I think I actually found it while on CoJ many years ago ;)

And also–Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts. I’m a therapist, and my own therapist recommended it to me during a turbulent postpartum phase. I now recommend it to clients, colleagues, and friends. https://bookshop.org/p/books/good-moms-have-scary-thoughts-a-healing-guide-to-the-secret-fears-of-new-mothers-karen-kleiman/39a4e7cead56b40c

Nurture by Erica chidi and cherish the first six weeks! Congrats!

Congrats!! I’m 5 weeks post partum with my second and even though it’s exhausting, a life with kids is so fun! I highly recommend Emily Oster expecting Better and Cribsheet. I also recommend finding a local prenatal yoga class if possible. Building a community and strength was a godsend.

By far, my favorite read was Bringing up Bebé. I read it while breastfeeding my first.

The Berkeley Parents Network Advice archives saved me so many times: https://www.berkeleyparentsnetwork.org/advice

So exciting! I’d highly recommend the Evidence Based Birth podcast and website. They thoroughly cover every pregnancy and birth topic you can think of in a measured and informative way. I’d also recommend hiring a doula if you’re in the position to do so. My doula was a wonderful source of information and support. she really made a positive impact in how I experienced a challenging birth. I also found the American Academy Of Pediatrics Caring for Your Baby and Young Child and Magda Gerber’s book Caring for Infants with Respect very helpful after bringing baby home.

Congratulations to you Marla, and Natalie and Betsey! Echoing Lindsey, it’s nice to be prepared and feel like you know a bit about what caring for a baby entails, but if I could have my time again before I had my first baby, I’d also just take as much time for me as I could. Relish being able to go out without a set home time, have long, quiet weekends, try to enjoy being pregnant and just me, before it becomes very much about an “us” and often just them. I did find The Discontented Little Baby Book by Dr Pamela Douglas to be a very useful read before having both my children, a reminder that usually, babies be babies, there’s nothing wrong when they fuss or cry, and you might not need to fret about sleep and feeding as much as the internet makes you think. Be gentle with yourself, you’re going to be fine, you’re already doing it!

I really love hunt, gather, parent and baby 411/toddler 411 in terms of baby care and parenting advice! Also Emma Hubbard on YouTube is awesome (Australian pediatric occupational therapist) The good mother myth saved my mental wellbeing when I was postpartum and constantly doubting myself and not feeling the connection to my baby I was hoping to have. Super super recommend.

“I trust my body, I trust my baby, I trust this process.” This is something my prenatal yoga teacher often said during class. I wrote it on a piece of paper and taped it to my bathroom mirror over two years ago (it’s still there). It traveled with my to the hospital. In a more practical sense : find providers you trust. I enjoyed reading Emily oster’s “expecting better” and “the unexpected.” Remember that you are vulnerable AND about to be highly marketed to. Top advice : scroll less, buy less. Trust yourself. Talk to your partner.

I’ve listened to every episode of The Birth Hour podcast. Highly recommend, and every story comes with its own recs. Evidence-Based Birth website, The Birth Partner and Expecting Better. If you are interested in exploring a lower intervention birth, I recommend Ina May Gaskin. Good luck, I hope you have a healthy pregnancy and bb!

100% these: book = Hunt Gather Parent, blogs = 600sqftandababy and Solid Starts, google consignment stores in your area and spend little to no money on clothes for the first three months (they’re literally spaghetti noodles and live in diapers and swaddles), and sleep swap with your other parent if there is one! (the blog I would write if I had one would be about sleep)

For birth- Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. Even if you don’t choose to go unmedicated, it will give you a new confidence in what your body is capable of. It felt like an antidote to so much of my body conditioning. For raising that sweet baby- the wisdom on this site is the gold standard. Be gentle with yourself, there is no “right way,” and, of course “babies be babies.”

I have six kids (three home births and three hospital births) and Common Sense Pregnancy by Jeanne Faulkner was the best book I read (and gave to pregnant friends).

Congratulations! You need a copy of “Hurrah for gin” by Katie Kirby :) xx

Congratulations! I recommend Nurture by Erika Chidi and the Happy Sleeper by Julie Wright

Also if you breastfeed- The Nursing Mother’s Companion (skip the preaching and head straight to the problem solving sections) and the website KellyMom.com. You can google virtually any nursing question followed by Kelly Mom and pull up a comprehensive and helpful page for anything from latching challenges to green poops.

if you can, find a group of moms to befriend!!! some women’s OB/midwife practices have cohorts for pregnant moms that meet weekly throughout pregnancy. I never joined one, but it sounded amazing! I think a few moms a little ahead of you can offer more wisdom than 100 books! it’s so reassuring hearing someone say, “that’s totally normal. that happened to me, too.” and congrats!! I just took a pregnancy test this morning — and it was positive!! I’m over the moon to be having our fourth!

Congratulations! The book that helped me the most was “Mothering without a map” – I read it when I was pregnant with my second, since I didn’t know I would need it with my first. It’s about mothers who were themselves undermothered as kids (and adults) for various reasons- neglect, addiction, serious mental illness, profound emotional immaturity etc- and how they navigate that in healthy ways. One of the biggest tasks in the first years of motherhood was trusting myself and this book helped tremendously. If you like the map how to mother you received in childhood then you don’t need this book, or many others! Just take some good newborn/infant care classes, find a pediatrician you trust and like, find an OB you trust, and stay off the internet as much as possible ;) Babies are all so different and moms are so different, and you don’t know what sort of a baby you will get… the most important thing is to learn about each other in love once baby is here.

Congratulations Marla!! I am so excited for you! I had my first baby last year, and people are right: parenting is the best, truly. It’s all the hard things, but it’s way more joyful than I ever thought possible. (I SO resonate with a quote shared on CoJ once from Rob Delaney, (which you’ve probably read!!): “Whenever someone tells me they’re expecting their first baby and they’re nervous, I tell them the following: “Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful. I am so happy for you. Listen, of course you’re nervous but here’s the deal: you’re ready for all the bad stuff. You’ve been very tired before. You’ve been in pain before. You’ve been worried about money before. You’ve felt like an incapable moron before. So you’ll be fine with the difficult parts! You’re already a pro. What you’re NOT ready for is the wonderful parts. NOTHING can prepare you for how amazing this will be. There is no practice for that.”) In terms of resources, I really resonated with this book, it’s a bit more spiritual (not religious!) but I loved the different take on approaching birth and the early days of parenthood, combined with practical info and advice: https://brittabushnell.com/transformed-by-birth/ I also agree with the others, don’t forget to prepare for the newborn days while preparing for birth! And know that really, there’s only so much you can prepare for! Maybe make a list of all the support you’ll have available. Friends or family who said they’d like to help and what they could do that might be helpful or other resources in your area (is there a public health nurse, a free helpline, drop-in breastfeeding classes, community playgroups, etc) so you don’t forget you have people to reach out to when you’re in need! I love podcasts, and really enjoyed: Is it normal by Jessie Ware (it’s follow-along week by week which I listened to at each new stage of pregnancy to learn more about what is going on that phase!); Beyond the Bump; The Midwives Cauldron; Evidence Based Birth; The Great Birth Rebellion It’s such a wild journey! Have fun, go easy on yourself, make some freezer meals in advance if you can, don’t worry too much about buying stuff if you don’t want to / can’t afford to, babies really don’t need that much, remember it’s OK to not enjoy it and feel awful sometimes, that’s normal, but also reach out for help, you deserve it. Oh also! My midwives shared this series with me, don’t be fooled by how old it is or the video quality! The presenter was really good and I felt so much more informed about birth and newborns afterwards: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7YucfJuziU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVOP-ob4ZXA and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MidVzEeTmc0 Take good care of yourself, let us all know how you’re doing xoxoxo

This was also great, pretty simple stuff but I learned a lot still! (They offer a bunch of classes free, which is what I did!) https://yourbabyacademy.ca/

I don’t have advice, but I’m also 10 weeks with my first! Congrats to us both!

Congratulations! If your hospital or midwife offers any child birth, breastfeeding, or child care classes, go! I found the breastfeeding one especially helpful (in fact, just a second to brag, the nurse at the hospital asked if I “breastfed my other babies” when I was feeding my son and I was like, “this is my first baby!” she thought I was a pro, but it was just the free class from the hospital haha)

This is the best, most thought re-framing book about Motherhood I have ever encountered: https://www.naomistadlen.com/what-mothers-do/. It changed my whole perspective on newborn days…and beyond. Every woman (and her partner!) should read this and give themself a pat on the back! Best wishes to you x

Thank you so much for your note, K W. I’m glad you wrote. I think deeply about this all the time, and I understand your concerns here. The way I think about it is this, in case it’s helpful: I really wanted to diversify the revenue streams for our small business because we had four women’s salaries (now five) through Cup of Jo, and I was getting increasingly nervous that the Internet would change in some way, and we wouldn’t be able to keep up the site’s revenue. You see things like this happen all the time — I always think about how successful My Space was back in the day and then it just disappeared. With Cup of Jo, we have to trust that people will simply type in the website URL every day, since we don’t send our posts to people’s emails, and also our strategy is good editorial, not SEO-driven pieces, so we don’t come up on Google search as much as other sites do, like House Beautiful, for example, which has the strategy for prioritizing SEO. all to say, I wanted to figure out a way to make our small business more stable and sustainable, no matter what happens. Substack newsletters offer a different revenue stream, because they’re reader supported through subscriptions. We try to book some sponsors for Big Salad, so we can send more issues without a paywall. We also offed comped subscriptions to anybody who asks, no questions asked. That way, nobody will feel left out if their budget doesn’t allow for a paid subscription. We also send a number of free articles per month, regardless. No matter what, Cup of Jo is our main publication and Internet home :) We publish 8-10 posts per week, whereas for Big Salad we sent 1-2 issues per week. So Cup of Jo is the biggest and original community in my mind. Please let me know what you think! Thank you so much for being here. We always want to hear what you think and are grateful to have you as a reader. Xoxo Joanna

I haven’t minded big salad being a separate community and I think your response is so thoughtful Joanna, especially explaining how the blog prioritizes good content rather than SEO. it emphasizes even further what a genuine community you’ve developed here – that we all come back of our own free will because we love it so much. At the end of the day you all wouldn’t be able to do this without financing, and the fact that you can provide 6 months of paid mat leave – well that alone makes big salad worth it.

I just don’t understand comments like KW’s. Very little in this world is free, nor should it be when time, experience, expertise work have gone into it. Things cost money. And that aside, Big Salad a) is only $5 a month (which some may not be able to afford, but can hardly be considered expensive) b) sends lots of free issues and c) offers free subscriptions to those who ask. That’s in addition to all the free content being provided here. What more could you realistically want? Personally I don’t subscribe because the content here and the free issues are plenty and the stuff behind the paywall is just not that big a deal to me.

This is such an interesting glimpse behind the scenes. (And yes, we will continue to show up and type “cupofjo” into our browsers, forever and always!!). For what it’s worth, K W, I subscribed to Big Salad for a while and then had to stop for financial reasons, and I’ll be happy to subscribe again when I can, but it doesn’t feel currently like I’m “missing out” — the community there is I think the same one as here? As in, it’s literally the same people, even. There’s no cool kids club happening there that isn’t happening 500x more robustly here. :) But I understand that it’s more the principal of the thing.

“since we don’t send our posts to people’s emails, and also our strategy is good editorial, not SEO-driven….” = FASCINATING!

I also appreciate a bit of a barrier to entry as your kids age. You don’t necessarily want the boys’ friends necessarily having access to ALL the personal content. (Not that I have ever seen anything that I would consider inappropriate or questionable!)

I am the age where Rookiemag came on the scene when I was in high school, and I saw it fall due to having the purest of values and no business plan. I appreciate this community, extra appreciate as a small business owner the need to have diverse income streams, and while I have a small amount of disposable income I choose to spend it elsewhere with the appreciation for this free community.

Hi KW. I subscribe to Big Salad and don’t find it has the same feeling of community as the main Cup of Jo website. So you are missing some content but that’s about it. We cannot expect any person to give work away for free, and I think what Joanna is doing is a smart business move and extremely considerate of her community in all the ways she outlines in her response. I admit it makes me sad to see this constant criticism (it comes up regularly, not just from you) when there are so few ways to make a living as a writer/media entity.

I found this thread very interesting! I don’t subscribe to Big Salad because I actually just hate email. I’m on my computer and in my inbox for work all day. I like typing “c” into the search bar and having the site come up my browser’s first suggestion, forever and always. :)

This is truly the best thing I’ve heard all week! I am absolutely bookmarking this for when my time comes. I hope your party is everything you want it to be. Hooray for womanhood!!

Midge, this is so cool. I’m so happy for you as you embark on this next chapter! Wearing polka dots next Friday in honor of you <3

Midge, that is awesome! Have fun!

This sounds so fun! Hope everyone has a great time!

I’m obsessed with this. Congrats!!

That is so rad! Bye bye to misery and hello to giving zero f*cks 😘

So fun!!! I love this

Wouldn’t it just be sooooo perimenopause to get your period this weekend?? I love this concept, Midge! Sending you lots of love, affirmation, and polka dots that are secretly the dots under a bunch of exclamation points. Yay!!!!!!!

This is the best idea ever! Can we please make this a common thing??

Fantastic idea, Midge. Please report back after the party, I would like all the details, period!

+100 for Midge!

YESSSSSSSS!! Love this so much!! Have an awesome time and share highlights!!

This is GENIUS! CoJ, please cover this party!!

Will you comment on a future post to share how it went? Love the idea of spinning it into something to be celebrated!

Same! Different budgets as well ;-)

Same here, Kris! Hahaha

Same! The Cup of Jo team seems to love boxy fits and they are just not it for me lol but still love browsing what other folks are into!

Super same! I no longer click unless I’m playing a game where I first imagine what it would look like, knowing it’s for her and not for me.

Usually same, but I loved the striped shirt! Normally I chalk it up to “East Coast style vs. West Coast” (I live in California, so my style trends more laid-back than what Jo usually shares). But even though I can’t justify spending that much on a shirt, I thought this one was pretty cute!