Have a Cozy Weekend.

Village is in the headline. If there’s a problem with calling this town a village, it’s one that the NYT created, not Jo.

The headline of the article is: “A Phone-Free Childhood? One Irish Village Is Making It Happen.” You’re complaining up the wrong tree.

I stand corrected re the headline, the body of the article correctly calls Greystones a town. But – Fact checking is important and COJ has a responsibility to do it. Villages do not have populations of 22 thousand people.

The New York Times is so obnoxious with their headlines. I can’t even read it anymore.

As an Irish person from a small seaside town around the same size as Greystones, I don’t feel tokenised nor offended by village vs town. Plus, the campaign in the article is called “It takes a village”. Truly there are many worse things going on in the world, and in Ireland, for that to be a focus.

Kay – there are “wait til 8th” initiatives that communities/school districts in my area have begun. it can take some convincing of other parents, but its possible! https://www.waituntil8th.org/

Canada has one now too! It’s called Unplugged Canada and has two pledges: one for delaying smartphones until 14, and one for delaying social media until 16. https://www.unpluggedcanada.com/

We made a conscious decision as parents to wait. I believe my son got his first in 9th grade – and it was a flip phone. Then in 10th grade we changed him to a smartphone. As it turned out, a lot of the sports teams use snapchat to communicate (which I wish the schools would ban), and it wasn’t supported by his flip phone. He’s never been interested in using any other social media. My daughter was in 8th grade when finally got her a phone as well. As a parent, you just have to do it, and discuss the why with your kids. Our kids ultimately appreciated it.

Amazing! Thank you Allison and S! Love that there’s a Canadian equivalent — have enthusiastically hopped onto this bandwagon!

My husband and I have been talking about this regarding our kids (9 and 6) a lot lately- thank you for posting about this pledge! Just signed!

YES! Best thing I ever did was email the parents of the friends of both my sons when they were in 2nd or 3rd grade. I said we are holding out as LONG as possible and please join me (along with a few lines of research on the topic). It has been wonderful and has worked GREAT. Now 10 and 13 and they don’t even ask for a phone anymore. A few friends have watches but that’s it. I LOVE seeing my kids’ faces everyday, not the tops of their heads as they look at their phones. As stated in The Anxious Generation, it’s a “collective problem” that really needs to be handled collectively so that your kid doesn’t feel he or she is “the only one” without a phone. I’m sure we will have pressure for phones in the coming years, but I also plan to have rules around them and NO SOCIAL MEDIA. I want them to be kids as long as they can!!

Lala, I completely agree with you! I don’t want them to miss out on life because they’re glued to skewed realities online (or all AI — honestly, I’m finding it harder to tell the difference these days). I see so many kids glued to their tablets and phones while out and about, and it makes me sad because it’s such a missed opportunity. Kids are so funny — talk to them while you’re waiting for your food at the restaurant, bring a notepad and play hangman together. Involve them at the supermarket — have them pick out fruit with you, or engage in silly small talk with the cashier. I get it, we’re all tired parents, and sometimes we want to check something off our to-do list and move on, rather than also engaging with inquisitive, talkative kids. But I fear we’re on the verge of over-placating them with digital pacifiers and we’re hindering their creativity and imagination by giving in to the tablets and phones. I recognize I sound like a judgmental Luddite, and apologies if its chafing to anyone, but I think we need to lean in to the benefits of having kids be fully present in society (adults, too!).

We are waiting until as late as possible – our goal is no earlier than high school, and even then, we plan to do a dumb phone only. I have a feeling we’ll be able to manage that with our older (a boy) but harder with a younger (a girl). What we ARE doing though is getting them a (shared) Tin Can phone – this is a landline that plugs into an outlet, where the only people who can call it are other Tin Cans or numbers you specifically authorize (like grandparents). The idea is no telemarketers. We’re setting it up in our living room (center of our family life) with a list of numbers above it. Excited to watch them make plans and catch up with cousins! (it hasn’t come yet) – link (no affiliation: https://tincan.kids/

Both of my kids got an Apple Watch when they started walking to school on their own. We live in Brooklyn and a lot of our friends have done the same. No phones / social media for sure. They are in 5th and 7th grade and it’s great – gives them freedom and independence (they can call after school and let me know if they are stopping at the park with friends, etc) but they are not distracted by devices. We also just got a tin can phone for my daughter (landline!) that she’s super excited about.

Same :(

This sounds just wonderful. You have inspired me to do this. It’s the little things that bring joy, isn’t it?

Yes!

I don’t subscribe, but I was able to see it without a paywall. Just FYI

original link COJ posted was here: https://www.housebeautiful.com/design-inspiration/house-tours/a70427680/print-home-tour-james-thomas-lake-michigan/. Then they changed it to another one. But that one should getcha in!

Courtney saves the day! Thank you!

I didn’t notice how lovely it was to be able to do this until we moved to a street where everyone keeps their blinds closed!

On your last note on love, I saw a couple making out hard in front of a hot dog cart at the beach this weekend, and it filled me with joy.

Gail Albert halaban does a whole series of these photos — Paris, New York, Rome, etc — and i love them. She often tells stories through the people’s activities/locations. Freddie gave me her nyc photo book along with a magnifying glass last Christmas! Everyone’s very aware and consenting, don’t worry — I would LOVE to be in one of her photos!

This also freaked me out, but maybe because I live in Manhattan with big windows and no curtains (an issue I fought with my husband about and lost). Really hoping no one is taking photos of me! But one Saturday morning when my kids were little and I was barely making it through I looked up out my window and a neighbor across the street had put up a sign with the message “You can do it.” I don’t know if the sign was directed at me but it felt like it was and I felt empowered.

@Joanna Goddard – No disrespect intended. Seeing and thinking about those photographs is a stretch for me- a challenge to my thoughts and preconceptions about privacy, personal space, and neighbors. Sparking that kind of inner dialogue is a hallmark of good art, I think.

1) wow I think it’s so beautiful you shared this here and trusted this to here. (Makes me think of this comments section as more of a letter-writing space) 2) I don’t talk to my dad at all. Childhood was rough then once I was adult learned some real weird stuff had happened and was like, no more. It’s been a beautiful and steadying decision in my life. So if this was my dad, I think I’d feel for the overall shock and pain of the human situation, I don’t want him or anybody to suffer, and I would feel a stronger reverberation because it is still someone I “know.” But unless another family member (only my sister) insisted on it, or he reached out and really needed closure or something, I wouldn’t reach out to him. So that’s just to say, it’s a complex thing. But I imagine this news for you, it is shocking and brings up a fair amount of sadness I’m sure, even just that life is at essence, precarious. Maybe it stirs something up that is just good for you to think about… sending love.

Complicated and I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’d vote to protect yourself and limit your effort of making nice, but note I’m also the friend who will always vote for a friend to dump her loser boyfriend ;)

Hi Sara, just sending solidarity—I have a similar (non)relationship with my mom and don’t miss her at all but wonder whether I will once she’s gone. It’s gotten more complicated now that I have a daughter who will ask about her someday. My dad, who was my core parent, has been gone for 10 years now and I still miss him all the time. Give yourself some time. Hopefully someone who’s been on the other side of this can share their perspective.

I have no advice just commiseration. My parents have turned MAGA and i haven’t spoken to them in ten years. They will never meet my two children. I am heartbroken at the wonderful parental relationships other people have that I never will. I have no desire to ever speak to my parents again and the only conflicted feelings I have about that are the judgement from others. I don’t think we owe any part of ourselves to people who hurt us if they are not making a path towards improvement.

I’m sorry, Sara. That sounds incredibly difficult. I think it is OK to have the boundaries you need to feel safe, even when a family member is ill or nearing the end of their life. You can wish him well while keeping those boundaries. There is nothing unkind about that. I also think that if you are wrestling with it, a skilled therapist could help you walk through this, if you are worried about complicated grief later. Sending a big hug through the internet to you.

Sara B, you can show your presence and give the idea that you are available if needed, not needing to have a big reconciliation. I wish you stay at peace with whatever you decide.

Thanks for sharing this. That’s big, but maybe it’s small or whatever size you want to make it. It’s a thing that happened, he’s fine and you’re fine. Make the best choices for yourself, okay?

This sounds like a conversation for Better Help…hugs to you, this type of thing is difficult. At least, journaling it and then free write any responses that ‘come to you’, which is the entire reason for journalling imo. https://www.betterhelp.com/

I’m fully no-contact-estranged from my dad, who terrorized me for my entire childhood. I’m low contact with my mom, and my relationship with her is more complicated. I think I my relationship to her is probably closer to yours with your dad, and I wonder about how I’ll handle her death a lot. The truth is that we don’t know how we’ll feel about it until it happens. But there are some true things that I remind myself of often: 1. No one consents to being born. You can be grateful to your parents, because gratitude is a nice thing to practice, but it’s impossible for you to be ungrateful. Raising you was something they chose to do, no matter how good or bad they were at it. 2. You’ve put in your time. You only have so many breaths on this earth. If someone has proven to be consistently painful to be around, you don’t owe them any additional minutes from your very finite amount. I’m guessing you probably tried to get along with your dad before pulling away. Most people with difficult parents do. You’ve given it more than should have ever been asked of you. 3. One of the ways parents whose children have chosen estrangement or distance cope with that is to tell themselves this: “She doesn’t want me around all the time, but when it REALLY matters, when there’s a life and death thing, she’ll for sure want me around for that.” But this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of their effect on that adult child. Because no, that person does NOT, in fact, want to deal with whatever crisis is happening, AND also cope with their abusive parent’s tantrums and nonsense. A crisis doesn’t benefit from an additional layer of difficulty. 4. It might help to write down what personal morals or values you hold most dear to yourself. Things like generosity, integrity, compassion, bravery, creativity, etc.. Then imagine your very best self responding to a hypothetical crisis involving your dad. What would that version of you do? Is there a safe person to get information about what’s happening from? (Do you actually *need* that information?) Is it absolutely necessary for you to see him in person before he dies, or could you learn of it from elsewhere, and sit with the knowledge of it in the safety of your own place? Then write these things down. They’ll help guide you when your trauma is in the driver’s seat, and you need to override its navigation. It’s hard to be a person, but you’re doing a good job.

I have no experience with anything like what you are describing. But as someone with close friends who have had unsafe family members, it has been better for them to completely absolve themselves of needing to keep in touch. Me, a random person on the internet, is giving you permission to be guilt free if you choose to let things be.

Sarah, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I don’t know what to say except that I can relate, as I’ve stopped speaking to my father 6 months ago. We really miss in our culture, in our representations, examples of people who had to estrange themselves from their family, or who are very distant from them, as a self protection. It’s makes it so difficult to navigate. What’s right, what do I want… I wish you to listen to your heart for this decision, and hope that your closed ones will support your decision whatever it is. (And also nothing is définitive! You can choose the way you décide to communicate, what you wait for this… And also stop the process at every second if you change your mind. Your integrity, safety and mental health are worth doing what’s best for you).

Hey Sara my Dad was mentally ill and left our family when I was pretty young without really being involved or paying child support for 4 kids. So, feel you on the parental ambivalence. I would say: your feelings are your feelings. Maybe they are telling you that you will be shocked when he dies, or that you are happy he lived, or that it’s unfinished in your soul and maybe you should do something about that. Maybe that thing means speaking with him, maybe that thing means writing a letter about his impact on you and deciding whether to send it. Interrogate these feelings by picking an hour and just writing down anything you think. Get it out on a page and then see if there are patterns. Good luck.

Sara B, I don’t have much to say but that sounds very complicated and it makes sense that you’re not sure what to do with it all. Wishing you the best <3

Sara – sending a giant hug.

Thinking of you, Sara. My heart goes out to you.

Sara – I can relate as I have similar situation with my dad. I did end up asking my dad for coffee, letting him know I love him and forgive him for all the hurt he caused. He still denied a lot of wrong doing and played the victim but I left knowing if something happened to him I had peace that I made it right in my own heart. Hope you can find that same peace.

As someone in a very similar situation, I found this podcast episode very helpful: https://thisjungianlife.com/caring-for-harmful-parents/

As someone who has needed to separate herself from her parents (mostly mom) – I think it’s very healthy to sit with those feelings about how you might feel post-death. I have done this and while we cannot know how those feelings will present themselves when the time comes, I think it’s good to consider. You can’t control what feelings will come up, but you can control making a plan for yourself of how to care for your emotions and even let close friends know that you’ll need a safe space for those complicated feelings when they happen. Also want to point out that you are allowed to feel all the things: both concern for him in that accident, and not wanting to engage.

I’ve learned that complicated relationships don’t usually get neatly resolved before or after someone is gone, and that can bring up a lot of “what if” feelings. But reconciliation isn’t a one-time act, and it’s not something you have to force. You get to move at your own pace and protect what feels safe for you. I found out some things that I believed all of my life to be true were NOT long after my mom passed and then I kind of grieved all over again with this new information. Anyway, long story short, please do whatever feels right and safe for you but also hold space for the very human being (mistakes and all) that your parent has been and will be and try to show the same grace as you would a stranger.

Hi Sara, I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I had a difficult relationship with my dad, who died a few years ago. By the time he died, I had reached a place where I could grieve for the father I wanted/needed, and also condemn the troubling or dangerous behaviors he had right up until the end. I wished him peace (in my heart), as I would a stranger. Wishing you comfort and solace as you work through this.

I really like Ethique…switched over several years ago after trying other bars I didn’t really like. For shampoo I use their “scalp health” (previously “Healy kiwi”). It’s not going to have as much lather as bottle shampoo but it works well for me.

Hi! I’ve loved Lush brand solid shampoo in the past. If a shampoo doesn’t lather well I do two lighter consecutive washes in one shower and hair loves it.

Yes, Lush bar shampoos! They are pricier than drugstore brands but I tried about a dozen different options and eventually gave up to return to Lush. Juniper is my favorite.

I’ve been trying to go more plastic free too, and while having good zero waste stores nearby makes a lot of things easier – I get laundry detergent, dish soap, and lip balm from ours – the plastic free swap that everyone can do is make their own deodorant. Three ingredients, five minutes, easy to double or triple the recipe and make a ton, and it works great. Even my big warm spouse has become a convert. :)

Shaving bars are so much better than the cans. I’ve found my skin likes them better as well. I bought a shampoo bar but haven’t used it yet since I’m finishing my bottles first. I am worried about the lather too.

Pure Anada shampoo bars lather so well. And they are more affordable than other shampoo bars I’ve tried. I go through the shampoo bar much faster than the conditioner so I buy two shampoo for every one conditioner bar. https://www.pureanada.ca/collections/shampoo-bars

I use Seed & Sprout bars and they lather well. But if my hair is a bit more oily than usual it won’t larger quite as much and I’ll often feel cleaner if I double cleanse https://seedsprout.com.au/collections/shampoo-conditioner

My hot tip for a sleeper hit solid shampoo is Vanicream bar soap. It works for hair, face, and body, which is tremendously convenient for travel. It doesn’t leave a waxy buildup in hair like the CeraVe bar and it doesn’t have as strong of a scent as the Cetaphil one.

I get powdered laundry soap at the store, and from Blueland, foaming hand soap tablets and dishwasher tablets! Just a little less plastic feels good!

I’ve been using ethique shampoo and conditioner for several years now, they are great and last forever! Others I tried were not lathery enough or I felt like they melted quickly. I also have a safety razor and menstrual cup- both things I don’t think you should use if they make you uncomfortable/nervous, but they have worked well for me! I’m nervous to switch to a face wash bar as my skin is picky but I did try the travel size ethique one, and it worked great for me on a weeklong trip. I also always use bar soap for the body and have since I was a kid so it just feels more normal to me!

Ever try the company Everist for shampoo/conditioner? Theirs is a gentle, travel friendly, paste based product you activate with water in the shower. I have been a customer for a few years and really enjoy this woman owned company. Plus being an economical, environ thinking choice that seems so simple and yet took these two brilliant gals to create. Comes in tins or tubes. Body wash as well. Not affiliated, just pleased.

Moon Valley shampoo bars work really well for me (I have tried a lot of brands) but when I went to their website to link I saw that their shampoo bars are all sold out which seems ominous… so maybe I need these recs too 😱

Also I love little seed farm deodorant! I am someone who needs deodorant if that makes sense and all the other plastic free brands I have tried (except LuSa) don’t cut it. They have great scents too.

We like meow meow tweet tweet shampoo bars, they lather nicely & work so well I don’t need to use the conditioner bar. I also don’t need to wash my hair as often. We find these at our local ‘nature’ store or order on line. Also we started eliminating plastic years ago; we never buy plastic storage bags (food or otherwise) but save & reuse what comes into our house. No plastic wrap; use a plate to cover a bowl in the fridge, buy glass storage preferably with bamboo lid, but try to find things at the rescue mission so reduce & reuse…things like that…

I have also used Viori and just accept that there is less foam – to me that reminds me of how much better it is for the earth. But right now I am using plain liquid castille soap (Trader Joe’s makes one that is half the price of Dr Bronners, though the only fragrance they make is peppermint. But I’m frugal enough that I don’t care.). My hair feels and looks great, for much less. I don’t use conditioner because I comb in the ROZ styling creme after towel drying, which works for me.

I’ve been using Ethique Beauty shampoo bars for years now, I like how they lather. I use this one: https://www.ulta.com/p/scalp-health-solid-shampoo-bar-pimprod2049142

I purchased inexpensive glass recycled bottles and pumps, and utilize the refillery store near me!

Is there a bulk store / refillery near you? I tried shampoo bars but didn’t love them so I refill my shampoo etc at my local coop. There’s also the option to buy and return jars of shampoo and other products at several stores near me. If you look online hopefully you’ll be able to find options that work for you!

CONGRATS Zoe! How exciting!! (For others wondering, Zoe is 7 Ways to Fall in Love)

Oh I also love this book!!! It’s so special that the mom and kid have this ritual. The art is funny and editorial. So good.

Catch the Milwaukee Public Museum before it shuts down! Walking through the streets of old Milwaukee is so fun. Bryant’s cocktail lounge is an experience if you’re going to have any non-kid time. Estabrook Beer Garden, Seven Bridges Park, the Bay View neighborhood (honey pie + Humboldt park + south shore beach, perhaps?) The art museum is amazing, one of my favorite places if your kiddos enjoy art museums. Depending on when you’re going, First Stage is an excellent children’s theatre! A tour of Lakefront Brewery is fun for everyone (get the cheese curds for sure). Grab some frozen custard from Kopp’s on your way out of town and don’t let anyone tell you about any other frozen custard. Mostly just maximize your time by the beautiful lake. Milwaukee is a magical place in the spring/summer—I hope you love it!

Milwaukee: Boswell bookstore Downtown books Purple Door ice cream Likewise coffee, Stone Creek coffee Milwaukee Public Market (lots of food!) Buckley’s for an incredible burger Uncle Wolfie’s Breakfast Tavern Vanguard Honeypie Have fun!!

In Milwaukee our favorite pizza place and definitely a hole in the wall is Zaffiro’s the Original on Farwell. It’s been there since the 1950’s – so good and a 5 minute drive from the Milwaukee Art Museum. Make sure you try the Spotted Cow beer during your visit – only sold in Wisconsin.

MKE: Safehouse for lunch (interactive spy restaurant!), Discovery Museum, Mitchell Park Domes MSN: State St and then free tour of Capitol Building, Vilas Zoo (free), Madison Sourdough for coffee & pop into Meep Meepleton’s Vintage Toy store, Olbrich Botanical Gardens. Enjoy!

I used to live in Madison! A funky neighborhood coffee shop is Lakeside Street Coffee. If you’re a tea drinker, Teasider is a must (though hours can be odd). For ice cream, either Chocolate Shoppe or Babcock Dairy (on campus, made with milk from the ag school cows!). If weather is okay, Picnic Point is a great easy hike with kids, and where I would bring my 5 year old. For a true Sconnie neighborhood bar experience, head to the Tip Top Tavern on the east side. In Milwaukee, I would go to the Public Market. They also have an amazing art museum that is right on the lake.

Ahh, you all are the best!! Thank you so much! I’m so excited for Milwaukee/Wisconsin!

It’s okay that 19 year olds exist and that there are dresses for them. The nice thing is that you don’t have to buy a dress that you feel isn’t for you.

Rent!! nuuly has great maternity options!

Skip the maternity aisle! Aerie workout wear in a few sizes up Free people onesies and dresses have plenty of room for bellies

Hi Jac! I’m 36 and pregnant and I totally feel you. I tend to carry far out in front of me, so there are some things that work for some pregnant people that don’t work for me. I’ll tell you what I’ve found to work though! – Hatch maternity has some good options, (I’ve liked there dresses quite a bit) but they’re on the pricier side. Their body flex perfect pants are flattering and have the right amount of compression for me. – Quince has had some good options – jumpsuit/overalls, some good button downs, and maternity t-shirts for a decent price – Old Navy has had some good options too! T-shirts, quarter zips, shorts, etc. – Beyond Yoga maturity is on the pricier side but so so comfortable. I bought some of their biker shorts (I teach yoga and I needed something I could teach in) and I love them. – Hill House Home nap dresses also work well for me while pregnant. hopefully this somewhat helps!

I’m about to turn 40 and just found out I’m pregnant with a very surprise and unplanned baby. Just seeing your comment about your age and stage in life made me feel better because I have been in shock since I found out! My kids will be 7 and 9 when this one is due. I am so far past the baby stage and the thought of going back scares me to no end. Anyway, I’m considering a subscription to Nuuly because they have some cute maternity options. I also took a peek at Quince maternity clothes.

Can ypu channel your inner art lady and wear oversized silk and linen? Babydoll tunics over wide leg pants is a vibe.

I am 35 and pregnant, using Nuuly for maternity clothes and feeling good about the subscription. Especially for bottoms. I bought a bunch of Beyond Yoga & CRZ Yoga maternity leggings and joggers on Poshmark, but using Nuuly for jeans, dresses, “going out” tops, etc. is great!

Once my jeans wouldn’t button, I stopped wearing them altogether. I got two pairs of flared maternity leggings on Amazon (I know, but they were cheap and I was desperate) and exclusively wore those with oversized sweaters or maxi dresses. I didn’t have to buy any maternity clothes and I still wear my dresses all the time! The leggings are stashed away for baby #2 (hopefully).

I loved Seraphine. I had a tiny maternity wardrobe of 4 pieces from Seraphine and then maternity leggings from Target or Amazon and I felt very well dressed.

Oh yes! – I’m in my fifties, and so my eyelids no longer look like they did for the first 50 years and now I don’t know how to put on eyeliner… and the weakening eyesight doesn’t contribute much that isn’t a blob of black paint.

Oooh this is such a good idea!!

Oh you poor thing… my mum had those, and they seemed worse than any cancer she had, the removal of a kidney, even the removal of all her neck lymph nodes (though that might be up for debate since it has a daily toxicity issue…) but I think you get the point KIDNEY STONES HURT A LOT so I am just sending love. It’s insane there still isn;t a magic way to get rid of them.

Liz, I thought of this right away too but I knew it as a story told on the Modern Love podcast quite a while ago.

Me too! I love this short film and come back to it often. I’m sure I first heard about it on Cup of Jo. 😍

Thanks for this link. Well worth watching!

Growing up, something always felt off about Kaikeyi’s demonization. Plus she has such a beautiful name but not in use because of its connotations. Looking forward to checking out this book!

I have this book sitting on my shelves! I’m going to crack it open this summer!

This is one of my top ten books of all time! I was totally unfamiliar with the story but loved Circe and am pretty much a sucker for any modern retelling or rewrite of mythological stories. Kaikeyi was stunning, despite not having a background with the mythology. 100% strong recommend! I have her next novel, Goddess of the River, in my TBR and I can’t wait!!!!

Not being so evil!?!? Kaikeyi, the stepmother, sent Ram in exile for 14 years, and his dad died rom this heartbreak. From that point on, this family literally fell apart. And being “women’s rights badass” is being to justify this depraved behavior? We live in a world dictated by Israel with a pedophile in charge, I guess some people can get away with justifying anything.

Exactly!

It’s always easier to pretend to miss the point rather than engage in actual conversation with people who care enough to give up part of their precious weekend to do what is right.

The grief-phobia is real! It is still so surreal to me the way the rest of the world seems to move on while the person grieving exists on their own specific timeline. That was initially so hard for me to process, but after almost a year, I’ve realized how much I prefer this alternate timeline where I feel profoundly and utterly human, and even more connected to other people who have done the work of deep grieving. Thinking of you and your Mom, Marina. XOXO -Wendy

What a lovely reminder. Thank you for sharing this as it gives important insight. My mother passed away when I was in my 20s and I wish I felt free to share more at the time about my rather early loss of a parent.

This was my experience as well and it was so isolating. I wish I’d understood how common it is, because it felt so personal and painful. I learned a lot about the kind of people I’d like to have in my life from that experience, but I wish for me (and you, and all of us who go through it!) that we could have had the support we needed when we needed it. <3

I expect this avoidance and denial over loss shifts with age, as people learn it cannot be avoided, and accept loss and grief as part of living a life.

My cousin could not show up to anything when my husband died. She was “too angry for me”?! It was confusing and frustrating at a time when I just needed people. In February we met up for lunch, and told me how frustrated she was with her older sister, who had not asked about her recent breast cancer recurrence. We somehow circled back to my husband’s death, and she had the realization of what she’d done to me. So she reached out to her sister and they had a good conversation about it. Her sister died a week later in her sleep! She thanked me for the conversation and we’ve become much closer since then. All this to say, there’s always hope that people will grow and learn.

Agnes, I hope you are having a better day than you were earlier this week! (I saw your post and it felt very human).

Thank you Agnes !! Thanks for all your awesome posts and encouragement ! I’ll be at No Kings ! Hope you have a lovely weekend !

Thank you Katie 😍. I was having one of those but I feel much better, it’s the week end! Spring! Love from Paris. My best friend, she’s british, is called Katie.

“Be bold and joyous, this will end.” (Sob) Yet another saying I want embroidered on a pillow. Thank you, Agnès. 💖

“Be bold and joyous, this will end.” love this sentiment, thank you.

Arguably my favorite book.

I took an amazing seminar in college in which we read contemporary responses to canonical works (and their source). This was one of them! Also the hours / Mrs dalloway. I think one more that I’ve since forgotten about. Last year I recreated this for myself and read David Copperfield and demon copperhead. It’s so empowering as a reader to know what choices a writer made relative to the original and see how it affects the story! I’m reading lady Tremaine now and loving this aspect of it.

Megan, I did this with The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and James. James is incredible on its own but to compare the perspectives, wow. Such a rich experience.

Same! I saw that No Kings is having a virtual accessible rally tomorrow and I’m excited to join: https://www.mobilize.us/nokings/event/926570/

Mar, thanks for sharing this link! I’ll share with friends who need a more accessible option!

I didn’t know about Dove – thank you

Lovely comment, Kirby. You are able to serve so many in that role. An unexpected gift to that patron.

I am ever so very grateful for our public libraries; much-needed third spaces. Thank you for extending such compassion to your patrons. May our public libraries thrive and our librarians feel appreciated xo

You are an excellent human. ❤️

Thank you. You are doing such important and caring work that rarely gets seen for all the layers your job entails. I’m a 30-year veteran K/1 teacher and I was just feeling sorry for myself for the non-appreciation and support I’m feeling right now. From families, from admin… It helps to hear you and see you for the unseen love and labor you offer. This work is so worthwhile, yet is often invisible. So I just want to recognize and say thanks for all your caring and efforts to support your community.

This is such a poignant post. Thank you, especially for your last sentence. X

I love this. My mom worked in our town library many years and I am always amazed by how much a library can do for a community. I never thought of how it would also naturally be a place for grief to flow through but makes so much sense.

What a beautiful post, Kirby! You are a lovely human!

I don’t know Alex personally, but often times when people use she/they pronouns, it means they feel most comfortable when both pronouns are used when in reference to them. A typical way to honor that is to use a mix of the pronouns when referring to the individual in conversation. xo

Also keen to learn, and had the same question!

So clunky! It’s startling to me when peoples’ preferences supersede grammar.

Laurel, respectfully, it’s not their preference, the way they might prefer vanilla ice cream over chocolate. It’s literally how they feel inside their body and mind. So, imagine, as you likely do, that you feel like a woman inside your body and mind. But I suddenly start referring to you as “he”, or “they”, even though you feel / know / want “she”. It isn’t about grammar. It’s about people.

The singular person ‘they’ has actually been in use since Shakespeare’s time, Laurel. It may sound clunky to you, but it is grammatically correct.

Hey Laurel, I hope one day you err on the side of what brings comfort and acknowledgment of a person’s true self over your cares about grammar (which at its worst is a bullshit classist construct that upholds white supremacy.)

You should dig it up!!! And share!!!

Omg Suz! On social media lately, I’ve been seeing groups of friends doing informal readings of plays and musicals as a party! Big table with lots of snacks and fizzy drinks, everyone having a blast being creative and trying something new on the fly. Your play sounds AWESOME…. maybe an excuse to invite some friends over, order some pizzas, and hear it all out loud?

LLL & Simone! Thank you and I love you and why do your comments make me want to run and hide??

I live in a place with a lot of Monarch butterflies and the locals have shown up at protests with posters decorated with a huge butterfly and the slogan “The Only Monarchs We Need,” which I really like.

I would try for the silliest thing you can do. Do you have a unicorn costume? The last nationwide protest, seeing so many people out there in animal costumes and positivity made my day. I used to do the classic, “even the introverts are here.”

I’m putting some of the lyrics to resistance songs! (Here’s the songbook: https://docs.proton.me/doc?mode=open-url&token=407BQZDEPG#3JsVHndYmmhy) Haven’t decided which yet, but some I’m considering: “Our love for all people will conquire hate.” “Put one foot in front of the other, and lead with love.” “We were made for these times.”

I’m a teacher. I want nothing more than to say “F U DJT” but I’m going with “Regime Change in the U.S.” and “Power to the People” instead. There’s just so much to say!

Love all these ideas, Erin, Kim, Claire, and Amanda! Thank you!

I think if I were going (I am not in the USA) with friends, I would band together to make posters that feel like a family in style, and on those, I would visualize ‘the dream’. “Food for the hungry” “clean water” “safe classrooms” etc etc. The angry signs are so needed but so are those that point out what it is you are fighting for. Anger gives action, hope gives stamina.

* WE THE PEOPLE *

No Kids In Jails!

I relate! I’ll have a “billionaires shouldn’t exist” sign. A bit boring, but I think this is the problem the lies beneath most other problems so I take my chance to say it. My son will have a sign with a T. rex and joke about that being the only king he likes or it eating other kings—he’s seven, so exact wording is still tbd 😅

I’m also public facing (with different views from many of my clients in my tiny town), my sign says “History has it’s eyes on you”

No apostrophe on my sign!