Have a Relaxing Weekend.

I agree. I know for me, polyamorous relationships would NEVER work. First, I have ZERO desire to be physically intimate with a woman. Also I feel like at some point jealousy or hurt feelings would but become too much. I think some people are successful at it for a little while but I have yet to meet any couples who are like 75 years old and still playing these games.

I’ve known at least three different couples who tried polyamory. They are all divorced now. And there were kids involved in two of the three relationships. I don’t know, I guess I’m supposed to say “whatever works for you,” but this doesn’t just affect you.

ASW, I too know a couple where he was cheating and convinced his wife (my bff) that he loved them both. She convinced herself she loved them both. They were all 3 married to the other 2. It didn’t last long. I remember the day she told me, I held back tears. She wanted so badly for me to understand and approve, and I loved her so much I couldn’t let my foreboding judgment alienate her. Turns out both the husband and new wife were both psychopaths who delighted in nearly destroying my dear friend. She’s divorced now and started a new life and is happy and healthy. This certainly didn’t sell me on the concept. I’ve only known one other woman involved in something similar – it too was ugly and abusive and she was very manipulated and was lucky to get out. I’m fine being old fashioned about monogamy. You do you, to each their own. Not for me.

ASW- You are right. It is not healthy (emotionally, nor physically as it increases the chances of contracting STI’s). It is too bad that it is being mainstreamed and normalized, as that just adds pressure for people to accept these ridiculous situations. Fascinating to read the follow up comments by Melanie, Amanda and Sasha. I am sure they are far more common examples of how these arrangements work out.

My former ( :( ) best friend told me she was opening her marriage. Then I learned it was an ultimatum she gave her husband and he wouldn’t be allowed to seek another partner like she was. And then, she told me that she thought I would understand this well given that I am queer – it’s hard to just pick one gender! Which broke my heart because it played into bad stereotypes about bi people that I’ve confronted my whole life. It was a splintering we never recovered from and I’m heartbroken over it.

I was heartbroken reading about the one couple who enjoyed watching each other get ready for dates with others. I would be heartbroken watching my beloved prepare for another. Read that to my husband and he felt the same. I don’t get it. But I’m not the whole world and know others feel differently. But I couldn’t imagine it.

I also don’t think polyamory normal works either, but there is an important distinction here. What you describe is not two healthy partners exploring branching out because they both consent and agree. This was a very unhealthy foundation with forced actions.

Same! I found some cranberry hibiscus tea in my pantry that worked perfectly. Wondering if I can sub lime/lemon juice once it’s harder to get grapefruits so I can keep drinking it all spring.

When I was growing up in NY, cream cheese and jelly was a common kids bagel order! Just… not the blueberry bagel part… but that spread combo takes me back, too!

Our 13yo is a constant challenge right now. One book that seemed to help was How to Hug a Porcupine by Julie A Ross. (Isn’t that the best name??) We also liked the Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Lisa Damour.

Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate was a huge eye opener for me. If you ever feel like you are a parent swimming against a cultural current that is just somehow Not Right for your family this book will help with understanding and an alternate path.

Not so much a recommendation for you, but for your kids: Judy Blume books :)

Yes- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa Damour. I need to give it another read, plus dig in to her two other books focused on girls. Her podcast is pretty encouraging too!

Omg thank you for this comment. Major struggle bus over here with my first 13 year old colliding with my drop in estrogen. The patch is helping but I need more!!!!

As my kid has learned at school recently, you forgot to add “in my opinion” :-)

Hi Amy, welcome, have a poke around! That’s not really the vibe here :)

I quite liked the house, and Bridget Everett. But thanks for sharing your remarkable insight and expertise, so brilliantly explained. We’d all be lost without you.

Does anyone else find this comment hilarious? I snort-laughed when I read it yesterday and came back today just to see what others had to say. Like, who takes the time to share this thought? Still chuckling this morning.

My first time in Montreal I made a beeline for this place. LOVED the bagels just coursing down that ramp and flew home with a giant bag of ’em.

It’s been 20 years since I’ve had those bagels, and I still remember them!

As a New Yorker…I agree! Montreal bagels ROCK.

I went there last month on my first trip to Montreal! Thank you to the CoJ readers who suggested it to me sometime in the past. I even got a stuffed bagel that’s now chilling on my bookshelf to commemorate the trip. Maple-apple bagel for the win!

I was raised in NY by a dad from Montreal and can confirm, St Viateur or bust!

This isn’t the same as a cream cheese bagel at all, but sometimes (especially when camping) I make a bagel with hummus, sumac, and sliced hard-boiled egg. Hearty and delicious.

Maybe you could do hummus and veggies on your bagel? When I was pregnant there was a period where I only wanted “salad bagel”!

I’m sorry Shel! That is a loss :(

You sure? The Kite Hill cream cheese is very good. I can eat dairy and I even opt for it sometimes. Especially if you were to add other toppings.

The Kite Hill garden veggie cream cheese is pretty good! (Bought some for a brunch so vegans could enjoy bagels too) Fav vegan butter is Miyokos :) But i’m sorry you can’t have butter or cream cheese. Boo!! No fair! Sometimes ya gotta have a pity party and feel your feelings!

hi liz, I’m so glad you asked — I looked into this and for some reason your comments were going into our WordPress “spam” filter — I fixed this and approved them :) thank you for being here!

Test

I got “Nonce is invalid” when I tried to post on Janelle’s post. My test using another email worked with “awaiting approval” tag. Does one get blocked her!?

Hi MyHanh! I’m trying to figure out what might have caused the “nonce is invalid” error you got when commenting on Jannelle’s post. Would you mind sharing the email address you used for that (you can email it, if you’d like: hello@cupofjo.com)? And did you try to leave that comment on Saturday as well? I can’t find it in our spam folder, so I don’t think it’s the same issue Liz had. Regarding your test comment, that one was listed as “awaiting approval” because we read and approve each comment individually. Sometimes it takes a bit longer over the weekend, because we’re not at our desks. I approved it this morning. :)

Joanna you are such a class act. I’m sure these kinds of comments are exhausting and you are so generous to reply to them! Another reason this site is the best place on the internet!!

I’ve also been getting the “nonce is invalid” error for the past couple of weeks. It said it again today, but is also letting my comments through. Usually that error means a browser issue, etc. on the users side, but I cleared all cache and cookies last week and it still wasn’t letting me comment.

Thank you so much, Joanna! Agreed you are a class act. And I don’t mean to be exhausting, but it does suck to take the time to comment and have it not go through. I feel part of this community, I’ve commented on articles for many years now, and was worried I might just not be able to participate because my comments get blocked quite a bit (not just these two, this has been going on for months. Anyway, thank you again!!

Sarah! I think your excellent comment is meant as a reply to Anons’ thoughtful comment? You raise such important points.

I have PCOS and am now going through perimenopause. I have been fighting chin hairs for a long time. I stopped plucking and started shaving my chin. I use the Leaf derma plane razor and it’s awesome and fast. I seriously have to shave my chin every morning. And I’m a fair-haired, fair-skin person. It sucks.

Plucking chin hairs in my new hobby!

I am 37. I don’t have chin hairs but I do sometimes get little mustache hairs. I keep tweezers with me at all times and pluck as I see them and no I don’t care if someone sees me in a parking lot 😂 that’s when I can see them best!

Braid them? Jk—I have one long goat hair that I pluck every few months, but I’m sure more will come.

My wife swears by the epilady- basically a bunch of tweezers attached to a roller with a motor- like an electric razor but with tweezers. I’ve tried it and it works great – but I find hand tweezing my chin and neck oddly satisfying so I stick with the low tech option.

electrolysis!!

I have one of those rechargeable facial hair removal things… It’s getting a real workout 😭

I bought a battery powered “wand” on Amazon. It looks like a large lipstick tube. There is a flat plate that you move over your face in a circular motion. I clean it each time I use it with an alcohol wipe. I never get ingrown hairs or irritation and I have sensitive skin. I use it 1-2 times a week. Highly recommend.

I shave my face with a razor ( a few blades “women’s razor) and have tweezers everywhere! for the “wirey” ones. its on ongoing process!

From one 41 year old Emily plucking chin hairs to another- I feel your pain! (And hi Amanda I also have PCOS). I was spending like 10 min a day plucking chin hairs (and then dealing with acne around my chin from ingrowns and maybe too much touching?), just recently switched to using one of those cheap electric trimmers. I have to use it every day since my hair grows so fast. Very open to spending more money on this if anyone has specific brand recs!

Electrolysis!!! I was miserable and suffered for years but electrolysis is permanent and very satisfying. I found a woman who is accredited and does it out of her house (she had a legit setup and was very sanitary) so it was pretty affordable in the long run. Took about a year to permanently take care of all my chin and mustache hair, wish I’d done it years earlier.

IPL!! For example Philips Lumea. I bought one years ago, and it has honestly been life changing for me. Chin hairs, legs, bikini line, armpits. I shave like once every 6 weeks in the summer and I have light skin, dark hair, and haven’t even used the IPL as diligently as I should. Highly recommend.

One very strong vote for electrolysis. At 40, my chin hair situation was getting me so angry that I needed to do something about it. It’s not super costly but it’s a commitment of time (it takes many sessions but it’s only 15 minutes per session). I don’t find it to be painful at all, just uncomfortable. But it’s so worth it because I feel much more confident now!

I get blades from tryjill.com (not an influencer lol) I used to pay for deraplaning but this is the same and sooooo much cheaper to do at home

Ugh chin hairs! Still pluck mine. Some are black and soft and one is gray and wiry. I’m 68. During the height of menopause I decided to try laser on my very dark mustache instead of bleaching. Years later I am still very satisfied. Have only had 2-3 hairs come back above my lip.I am dark haired and fair skinned and I used to be very self conscious.

Hi Rachel, no advice but a warm & assuring hug if you want because it sounds hard & I root for you xo

You’re not alone. And you have nothing to be ashamed of – sharing what you’re going through is hard but I promise it is part of the journey to recovery.

Oh, Rachel, the biggest hug to you. I have been around this a lot, and it’s something that requires so much care, patience, support and understanding. Absolutely tell your friends that you can no longer participate in conversations about weight/food. For my ED friends, I have learnt to not mention/raise triggers, to give them options that work for them without judgement, and not comment ever food/clothes/appearance. May your care team help you successfully, and wishing you all the best. Xx

Hi Rachel! I’m sorry you are going through this and am glad you are getting help and working on getting healthier. Glennon Doyle has spoken a lot about her struggles with an eating disorder on her podcast We Can Do Hard Things that she hosts with her wife and sister. They have a million episodes but I think a little GPT could help pinpoint the ones that speak to your experience. Good luck with everything!! ❤️

Hi Rachel, I don’t have any advice but I’m just writing to say I see you and I’m sorry this is hard right now 🩷

Yes. Many virtual hugs to you (or the form of virtual emotional support that feels least worst right now). You deserve the well-being that’s coming for you.

I’m so proud of you for getting help for this. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I’m betting that your friends will be aching for you and wanting to support you through it. Disordered eating is so common in our culture that I’m betting your friends will be able to relate to part of your pain, even if they don’t know personally how serious and all consuming an eating disorder can be. Glennon Doyle talked about her anorexia diagnosis and recovery on her podcast- maybe some of her language would be helpful? Hang in there! You are so brave! I am rooting for you! I can’t wait for you to experience the freedom that’s on the other side of this.

You are not alone! I imagine that even if your friends don’t have a full eating disorder- they can relate to having some disordered eating patterns. I hope that you can see a therapist too- that might help with feeling more comfortable opening up and reducing some of the shame and confusion. You are right on the money that support is needed- Having an eating disorder can be consuming and tiring. Sending you warmest and best wishes!

Hi Rachel, I don’t have an ED, but my son does. So I can relate and understand to a degree what you are struggling with. I can offer support in resources, and lots of empathy and compassion. Its not your fault. Please know that this illness is a biopsychosocial illness, which means it is multi-layered and complex and cannot be attributed to one cause. I really feel for you and I’m more than happy to connect off the hive, if you’d like to email me separately. lizcasey77@gmail.com sending lots of love and support. you will get through this, and you are not alone.

Rachel, I haven’t been through this, but I wanted you know I read your comment, and feel for you. Throughout my life, I’ve known a lot of people who’ve struggled with ED – the most intense one being my mom. She never worked with anyone on it, and it ruled her life. I think what you’re doing is not only brave, but so hopeful. It’s you advocating for your life. I’m not trying to undercut how hard and lonely this must be, but I would open up to one or two friends and let them know what you’re going through. I bet they’ll be there for you, even if they don’t understand 100% what you’re going through. <3

I think that a gentle way is to say, “I’ve been working with a dietitian to feel better and they taught me ____.” “Or I’m working on ____.” Nutrition is not just weight, it is science, sharing, culture, wellness, and community. I had an eating disorder a very long time ago, some times my eating is disorder now. I don’t share about disordered eating with my friends but I do share about practicing body neutrality and nutrition information (I know a lot about fiber!). Sending love to you on your recovery.

Sending you a big hug. I had an eating disorder in my 20s, and recovered with the help of an amazing therapist and nutritionist. Weight/eating talk is EVERYWHERE and honestly sometimes I actually feel lucky to have had the experience I did and gone through treatment because now I have so much practice recognizing and disregarding all the stupid weight talk that is everywhere and doesn’t serve any of us. Like you I felt super embarrassed at the time to tell any of my friends. I finally started saying the words “I had an eating disorder” out loud to people about 10 years after going through treatment. The wild thing was, so many of them already knew. They just didn’t know how to talk to me about what they were seeing. I would start with someone you think is the kindest, gentlest person in your orbit and try out how it feels to say out loud what you’re going through. My guess is your friend will be supportive and not judgmental. After that you might feel more comfortable sharing with more people if that feels right. Great job taking the first steps to get yourself diagnosed and in treatment – that’s huge and you should already be proud of yourself.

I have been through this too and it’s so so tough, but you won’t believe the life that’s waiting for you on the other side. Just keep taking it day by day and keep going. It’s up to you when and how you share with people in your life but it’s 100% in your best interest to surround yourself with people who fully support your recovery. Please join a support group. NEDA has online groups if you can’t find one in your area. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/eating-disorders-support-groups/ You can do this!

I have been through this too and you are truly not alone. It’s so hard, but you won’t believe the life that’s waiting for you on the other side. It’s up to you when and how you share with people in your life, but it’s 100% in your best interest to fully surround yourself with people who support your recovery. I encourage you to look up NEDA and join one of their support groups—they have online groups if there’s not one locally. All the difficult work you’re doing now is a gift to your future self. Just keep taking it one day at a time and keep going. You can do this!

Hi Rachel, chiming in as someone who’s come out the other side. You’re not alone, and you can do this! Some advice, if you’d like to hear it: You may relapse. Be kind to yourself if it happens, but be honest about it too. Admitting that it is happening makes the next stages of recovery easier. It’s easy to get lost in the day to day. Keep perspective on your long term goals. Be honest with your friends! If they are true friends, then they care about you. Trust that they are mature enough to separate and handle their own weight concerns with what you are going through. You also don’t need to explicitly state that you need to gain weight, but simply that you are struggling. Be proud of yourself. It is REALLY hard, but you’ve already made some really big steps – getting diagnosed, getting help. Be proud of that, truly. Take care!

Rachel, I am glad you are getting support in your eating disorder. Bodies are such a loaded thing in our society. Can I point you in the direction of Virginia Sole-Smith? She is a body liberation, anti-diet journalist. She has a Patreon and a podcast with a substantial back catalogue. You are most certainly not alone and I am sorry you feel that way.

1. VERY proud of you for getting the help you need. Many people don’t or cannot until it’s too late. The first step is the hardest. 2. One of my good friends is a clinical therapist with a focus in ED. So, please know you are not alone, she has many patients that are facing the same thing. 3. If your friends are a safe space for you, consider being open with them and sharing your journey. Let them know if talking about food topics or weight triggers you, and that you would not like to talk about those topics when you’re together. If they can’t respect that, they aren’t really your friends :) 4. Good luck to you and keep at it – it’s a tough road, but you are doing all the right things by getting treatment!

Yeah I hear you about bagels/ not bagels. We moved from East Coast 3 years ago. No real bagels here. Same with East Coast style pizza although just the other week we found that ( sort of ) ha. It’s ok though !! My daughter and son-in-law are here ! <3

Ah yes, the dismal Round Bread With a Hole in the Middle. One of the saddest food products known to humankind.

My first LIB! I also liked Japan and Italy

Had to chime in as an intense LIB watcher… I hate pretty much all reality tv and somehow LIB keeps me coming back. Swedish version (esp the first season) is the BEST. Also loved watching the Brazilian seasons (and especially if you watch it back to back with the Japanese season, wow! Such differences). I think it is fascinating the way that people in different cultures talk/think about marriage. Also interesting to note, in Sweden it’s much more common to not be married as compared to the US(instead have domestic partnerships, etc) so the whole concept of LIB feels a little different through that lens. As an unmarried person in a serious relationship, sometimes the US ones give me a lot of anxiety (like omg do we all think there is just ONE person you could be with and all the heteronormativity – not that it doesn’t exist in other places but it feels especially intense) ANyway. Have watched LIB always with other people, sometimes a friend, sometimes my partner. leads to hours HOURS! of discussion.

I cannot believe that post was 2014. Mind also blown!

as someone facing fertility struggles, this is just the perspective I needed. thank you for this mindset shift

Man I want to hang out with you all!

Also 33 years (in early June), also a female best man, also Colorado, also still savoring a low key love 4-eva!

Do it again!! It sounds like you want something FUN and SPECIAL, so redo the whole thing and invite everyone you love for low-(or high!)key celebration of love!

I don’t think it’s pathetic at all! That was such a hard time, and I’m not fully over some of the things I was struggling with then. The wedding essay didn’t speak to me much either tbh, but I’m sure it will resonate with many others, and that’s ok.

Hey Sally, hugs to you. Hope you to get to have some kind of family gathering to make up for missing the wedding. I was also irritated by the article. I wasn’t sure if the tone of the article was sarcastic or what exactly she was going for. The dress was beautiful, the pictures looked great. But she had regrets after regrets. In the times we live in, anything and everything good that has happened or happening is a blessing.

Oh Sally. I understand! I know it won’t make up for it, but maybe an anniversary party. We think about it sometimes.

Any chance you’d be up to go try on dresses anyway?! Take the ring off for a few hours, book some appointments, and go enjoy! Maybe in another city if you’re nervous about it.

Sally, I hear you! Especially on the people who are not here anymore note… I loved my wedding, it was truly a joy and a blast, AND I regret not getting married several years earlier, before Alzheimer’s stole my grandmother out of her body. Sometimes regrets are things of which we have to let go (mine, and probably the author of that essay’s), and sometimes regrets can help guide our future choices (hopefully yours?). It sounds like doing a fun celebration is something you still want, and I say, go for it! More celebration of joy and love and partnership! Some of my best friends did a zoom wedding during COVID, and two years ago gathered everyone for a night of glamping under the redwoods where they hired a taco truck and had a bonfire and played games (because that was the wedding experience THEY wanted). It’s not pathetic in any way to be disappointed about the joys and celebratory events that the COVID era stole from you. Admit it to people you know, and STEAL THEM BACK! PARTY ON, SALLY!

My socially awkward, literal genius stepfather speedwalked me down the aisle. I’m still annoyed by it and it happened what? over 25 years ago? (I’m not the dates person in our marriage; I’m the names person.) So, I think it’s perfectly alright for you to be bothered by a much more difficult situation interfering with your life and moments of connection. I think other commenters suggesting you should do an anniversary party/renewal of vows have a good idea. The two parts of my wedding that were a complete success were my choice of spouse and having a cheesecake wedding cake. So, if you do have a party, cheesecake is always a good option.

I worked at Jamba Juice in college and made a banana berry smoothie for Condoleezza Rice. Any other CoJers make a blueberry something for a public figure at an early job??

I made mochas for Tony Hawk in San Diego!

I would invest it in my retirement (in a Roth IRA) and index funds. Let that money grow! Maybe put some of it towards a trip for fun. A financial advisor might be a good idea too, especially if you’re not sure of the tax obligations.

Interesting thought experiment! I think I would do something that feels mildly extravagant with a portion of it – either one big trip or buy a brand new vehicle to replace our current one, which is pretty old and will likely need a lot of repairs in the next few years. (That feels extravagant because I have always purchased used cars, so a new one would be a big deal!). And then I would put the rest in a retirement fund, which isn’t where it should be. And also probably donate a chunk to a favorite charity.

Read four or five books on budgeting/saving/investing and you’ll find the advice is very similar (had this realization and feel secure in what I do now). Max out a retirement targeted Roth. Max out a 401k. Open a brokerage account and get a bond and stock ETF fund. Balance according to age.

Hi Mona! I had a similar unexpected windfall years ago. I was in my late 20s and used the money to pay off debt and then invested the rest in a couple of index funds (80% equity index and 20% bond index). I maxed out all my tax shelters and tried not to let the money big up my life. Really just kept living on my income. I’ve done a bunch of reading about investments and it seems like the soundest strategy is to invest in index funds (also called exchange trade funds – ETFs) and not buy and sell too much. And stay away from mutual funds, which have higher fees that eat away at your savings. Now in my 40s, my investments are closer to 70% equity indexes and 30% bond indexes. Without debt, I was able to add to the savings and diversify beyond the two index funds and it’s really nice to see my retirement savings growing. I’ve never had good experiences with investment advisors or really anyone at a bank. I’m sure there are good ones out there but they are outnumbered by people who don’t know much/ want to upsell bad investments. In my experience! Don’t come for me bankers! It’s empowering to manage your own money and have the confidence of a nest egg that you run. Congrats and good luck. :)

My husband is a financial advisor. Meeting with one even once can really help you understand your options!

I would . . . Make sure I have a fully funded emergency fund. Give a percentage away. Top up my funding of my children’s education fund(s). Bring my retirement savings up to snuff if they are shaky. Set aside a percentage in a HYSA for enjoyment (travel? Significant purchase? house upgrade?) Set aside any amount needed for a looming major housing expense (e.g. a new roof) Put the remainder (if there is any) into an investment account.

This happened to my parents when my grandmother died. It essentially allowed my dad to retire a year early from a job he was VERY over, which was fortuitous timing as my mom had some major medical issues that following year. They have a long-term trusted financial advisor that helped them with the nuances. I think a lot depends on what stage of life you are in, if you have kids, etc. Personally I’d probably save it for my child’s college education. Maybe take a small bit for something fun. Could you use a couple thousand for a nice vacation then save the rest for life’s unexpected occurrences?

If you want professional help, hire a fee only fiduciary CFP. There are absolutely index funds as low fee mutual funds…..Vanguard, Schwab, or Fidelity all have them. ETF index funds typically allow you to start with less money and are traded like stocks. You can find this information by looking at the expense ratio of whatever fund you’re considering. I’d read Rich Girl Nation by Katie Gatti Tassin or How to Be a Rich Old Lady by Amanda Holden. Amanda Holden offers a great (paid) do at your own pace finance course called Invested Development. Basically use that windfall to get knowledgeable about money!

I would definitely speak with my financial advisor. I’d probably be inclined to invest part of it in retirement, put part of it in a money market account, make any improvements or repairs our house needed, and give some to charity or someone I knew was struggling. My husband is a finance guy and he said he’d invest the whole thing in AGNC and then after the dividend was paid, max out a roth ira. One of us is much more risk averse than the other 😅

You should speak to Dave Ramsey about this or consult his many podcast episodes. You don’t have to agree with him politically or religiously. He gives excellent money advice

This happened to me via inheritance about 3 years ago. I did the following: 1. Put the bulk of it in index funds in a retirement account 2. Bought myself a really nice piece of jewelry (~20K) 3. Put some of it in a CD while I decided if I wanted to invest in another area (e.g., real estate) 4. Did some aggressive donations to charities

Mona, it’s great that you’re seeking advice! I’ve loved Ramit Sethi’s approach about designing your “Rich Life.” I’ve also liked Her First 100k, Simple Path to Wealth and Your Rich BFF. I absolutely loathe Dave Ramsey for his shame and fear based approach, his ethics, and his workplace policies. Barf. Good luck!

If it’s feasible, invest in real estate- it appreciates in value and you can earn rental income. I’m not sure where you live (real estate varies a lot by city) so you’d have to see how the return works out.

We had something similar happen. Our house was purchased for cash. My husband’s mom was a founding realtor of Windemere, so with cash inherited from her we purchased a modest vacation home. Investing in real estate seemed appropriate.

I would definitely seek out a reputable financial advisor. Maybe (I don’t know if this exists, but I hope it does) one who could give you a one time meeting for recommendations and advice, rather than long-term management of your money? If you prefer to manage it yourself. To me, that’s enough of a chunk that I wouldn’t mind spending a little bit to make sure I was making educated decisions.

You should absolutely invest it and let it grow for you. Hire a financial advisor that works with fee-only structures. Make sure to ask these questions: 1. Are you a fiduciary? 2. How are you compensated (fee-only vs. commission)? 3. What are your qualifications and experience? 4. Do you specialize in working with clients like me? Then make a plan with whoever you hire based on your comfortability with risk, and plans you may have for the future (big travels, retirement, acquiring rental properties, even funeral planning even though it’s a morbid topic).

Do not listen to any Dave Ramsey advise – Shel would do well to avoid this herself. It’s all Christian-based fear mongering/shame and unrealistic logic. The debt snowball he loves to spout is actually incorrect – “debt avalanche” where you pay highest interest debt first is smarter. The guy is a hack.

Investing is absolutely political. Whatever you do with the money make sure it aligns with your values. Do you care about climate change? Are you making sure that you’re not invested in oil, single-use plastics, or fast fashion (to name a few)? Are you opposed to ICE but invested in the companies that profit from detention and deportation? Do you care about breast cancer? Are you invested in companies that manufacture endocrine disruptors? ETC. Also, even if you don’t care about these things, please consider caring! Those of us who DO care and are personally impacted have a lot less money to invest, and it sucks that we’re at the mercy of the “haves” who are encouraged to think about their own fun and comfort instead of the well-being and safety of all of us.

Thanks everyone for your advice! You’ve given me a lot to look into and think about. ❤️

At 65, with grown children, no mortgage, no debt, and an ok retirement fund – I would gift each of my children, buy a new car, set aside some for travel, and add the rest to our retirement funds. We work with an advisor and that’s been a great experience for us. I like having a nest egg, savings, money in the sock drawer, something socked away.

Chiming in again to say DO NOT pay any attention to Dave Ramsey. Apart from everything else, his investment advice stinks. And that debt snowball method he preaches is mathematically the least efficient way to pay off debt. You waste more money on interest rates with his method than if you tackled the highest interest debt first. Blech. I can’t stand men who shame people about money and call themselves experts. It’s 2026. Enough already with these men.

We have salt bagels in Michigan!

We have salt bagels in Oregon! :)

Omg hahaha best comment!

Your comment made me go check out the pants section; it did not disappoint! I’ve been thinking a lot about seeing boot cut jeans and super low-cut jeans out and about again … turns out there is a whole world of pants out there!

Bananas Republic

bananas republic

aww this makes me happy!! xooxoxxoox

Hana have you seen The Good Place? It saved my brain from black and white thinking. To be clear, I think all war is a tragedy, but we have been gifted a very complicated world, that is lead by complicated people, who have to make the trolley car decision every single day. They do this when they choose to endorse a public works project over a public health project for example. In an ideal world we would all share everything equally, start with meeting everyone’s basic needs and then go from there. But I looked it up a fee years ago and the value for each of the world’s citizens to take home a year was around $10k. Selfishly, I am not signing up for that. My medical bills double that a year. And so, as a consequence, other people suffer. My point is more to your second point. To me, expecting people in a position of diplomacy as Michelle is to just flip the table is neither productive or realistic. I fcking hate this system too. But it IS the one we have to work within and I don’t think it’s helpful for discourse to be so cut and dry about it, sometimes good people have to rub shoulders with bad people to get shit done. Happy to be corrected. Take care.

And he manipulated the 2020 primary when Bernie was clearly winning. Who knows where we’d be now had he not done that. Obama and James Clyburn picked Biden and the rest is tragic history. He interfered with the will of the people. Don’t know how he sleeps at night, seeing where that has gotten us.

Anon, it’s pretty ridiculous to act like holding presidents accountable for war crimes (actually, just voicing your opinion about it on the internet) is black-and-white thinking. But enjoy your tv show…

And we are making inflammatory statements such as yours out of the blue with no explanation or background presented? About a former President and his wife who hasn’t been in office since 2017? With someone in the White House today who is turning the country and the world upside down? Why?

100% agree with Sharon – you can have your problems with Obama and Biden, but our country is being run by a geriatric grifter sociopath who is also a war criminal. At least the Obamas didn’t steal my money and dole out pardons for cash. And appreciate Anon’s perspective that we live in a complicated, imperfect world. That doesn’t mean we don’t strive for better, but the OPs comment feels like a Russian bot trolling….

I’m sure you would do everything PERFECTLY as President. Everything is so black and white, it’s easy!

Should *not * subvert the will of the people. Missed word/typo ! Sorry !

You can disagree with the OP but not diminish the fact that there are millions of people who were systemically hurt by Obama, particularly Muslims overseas. No matter how much the media portrays it and world leaders push it, Muslim blood is not expendable. And Muslims, particularly those that were impacted by Obama’s use of airstrikes killing thousands of Libyans, Pakistanis, Yemeni, Syrians etc are allowed to loathe him and be vocal about it.