Four Fun Things

I’ll bite. Pun intended. Veganism is extreme. It’s ahistorical. Out of step with how humans have lived since the beginning of humanity. Anyone on a moral high ground because they refrain from – checks notes – honey is annoying by nature.

I’ll bit Roxie. Pun intended. Your comment is exactly what Ruthie and aaaaallll the other vegans commenting not this post are pointing to – judgement and defensiveness. Anyone on a moral high ground because they – checks notes – misuse the historic eating of meat is willfully ignoring the history of vegetarianism in ancient India, Greece, China, and Japan. Oh! And don’t forget to mention the scriptural basis for not eating meat found several sacred texts.

Hey Jen! It took me a minute to find it too, and I think it’s because it’s currently sold out (so they probably removed it from the main Tops page).

thank you @kelseymiller! I added an alert. it is gorgeous!!

<3

Sending you so much love. Thank you so much for all that you do – your job is so incredibly taxing on your body and mind, even without the added stress of your healthcare system’s flaws. My mother was an ICU nurse too for 40 years (in Canada), and I know the toll it can take and also how truly phenomenal you are to have dedicated yourself to the service of others. You are a gift to society and I pray you do not burn out and can maintain your peace amidst all of it.

Fellow ICU nurse here and very much feel this, too. It is actually becoming more difficult to detach and separate my work/home life over a decade into my career now that I have a family of my own.

Eliz! I haven’t seen the show, but I can imagine. Someone I was once very close with was a managing nurse in an extremely hectic hospital for many years. I knew she always found her job both extremely rewarding and depleting, seemingly in equal measure. She carried that sense of duty everywhere until burnout came for her. I barely see her anymore. How I wish for a more reasonable workload for all of you, but yet I wonder how we’d manage without your selflessness. We are in your debt, and for that I’m sorry.

Burnout came for me 5 years ago. I never saw myself doing anything other than my work. It was a hard, but necessary pivot to make for myself. Now that I am healing from the burnout, I am able to look back on my career with pride and honor. And I am now learning how to feel deeply relaxed, engaged with the rest of my life, and even (gasp!), feel joy again. I say this to anyone working in a field that is, inherently, depleting. Don’t wait until you run out of fumes. It causes damage to all aspects of our lives and relationships. It’s tough when you work in the helping fueled because of the pride, recognition (not necessarily from patients…), and reward from using the respective education you e worked so hard for (usually for several, expensive years). I continue to struggle with these aspects of walking away from it.

Oh I’m not disparaging Lena, and I actually love her work. I think it’s OK to sometimes voice a personal annoyance about a part of a creative work. I’m not saying she shouldn’t write those types of characters, or that there’s not value in portraying them, I just find it hard to watch. I’m sure Lena would be able to handle my small take, truly!

a minority? lol

Oh please. You have your opinion and Joanna has hers. Lena Dunham will not be harmed as a result of this candid comment.

A hallmark of Girls (which I am currently watching) is the tendency of the main characters to self sabotage their lives, which is a clearly deliberate creative choice by Lena Dunham. I don’t think Joanna was saying anything about Dunham’s creative work that she wouldn’t say was a deliberate choice. It can be grating to constantly watch characters do big belly flops, and soothing to watch characters be hyper competent professionally. I don’t think Girls is intended to be soothing in any way—it is challenging, in a good way.

Joanna you are a saint for this reply (and so many others). I could not handle the critical comments the way you do, and I appreciate being able to witness you doing it with grace.

I agree with Joanna’s take 1000% !! I think Lena Dunham *the person* is a rockstar. Lena Dunham’s output as a creative is just not for me. It’s often said that we can’t separate the art from the artist, but I kinda disagree with that. Our society appreciates artistic output from problematic people all the time (the number of times I still hear Michael Jackson’s songs in any given week is a testament to that fact) so the reverse must also be true: we can value and appreciate a human being while also feeling free to take or leave what they make. After all – the arts are subjective. Not everything is for everyone and that’s one of the wonderous things about art in general. What a boring world it would be if we all liked the same songs, the same books, the same TV shows, the same music etc.

This really shouldn’t need saying: It is ok to critique the work that people produce for public consumption. Critique of someone’s work is not a criticism of them as a person.

You have to share the winning lasagna recipe! This sounds fun!

I have never used Butcherbox, but I often shop at a local butcher in my neighborhood. If you’re used to chain grocery store prices for meat, then yes the prices for humanely raised meats can be shocking! Factory farming cuts all the corners in terms of animal treatment, quality, everything else, and that’s how it gets to be the price you see at your average chain grocery store.

Same. This is one thing that really frustrates me — I think more sustainable choices should be an option for everyone, not a luxury item. I try to buy local as much as I can, and I am grateful to live in California where farmers’ markets are abundant and well-stocked year-round, but I recognize that this is a luxury that not everyone can afford, literally. I spent the majority of my childhood below the poverty line, so I understand why a single mother of four making barely enough to support her family would gravitate toward the cheapest available products. Unfortunately, those also tend to be some of the worst options for sustainability. It’s really such a big problem.

I don’t use Butcherbox, but I also don’t generally shop at any of the places linked on this site (eg., I won’t be buying any Sezane items.) I’m basically window shopping every time I visit Cup of Jo, lol.

Meat was never meant to be a primary source of food – it is literally survival food, meant to be eaten only when there is nothing else – or in modern days, as a condiment or accompaniment. What else justifies killing a living creature, especially when you consider most Western people eat meat as a gluttonous pleasure and decidedly not for survival. Think of every barbeque ever. If you had to kill each animal you ate, you might reconsider the cost of killing so that you can live. PS: highly recommend Beyond Beef: The Rise and Fall of Cattle Culture, by Jeremy Rifkin, to educate your self on the true cost of cheap meat and it’s production. Not to mention, cheap meat is nobody’s friend, healthwise. It’s just blood addiction, which is a thing. https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Beef-Cattle-Culture-Plume/dp/0452269520

oh my gosh, Charlotte, this means so much. thank you. xo

“end of childhood” took me out

My daughter is only 15 months old and that sentence made me tear up too.

Rebecca- in my experience as a daughter, friend, sister, and parent to various medically typical and medically special people, I find there are many, many appointments at which a trusted advocate can be more important than the provider in the room.

I’m nearing the end of Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey and this grief about the end of childhood or your child’s independance is a major theme of the book, especially in last night’s chapters! Highly recommend as a good read, aside from this theme.

As a mother of a 20 year old who wanted my opinion when he was picking out glasses, and my 22 year old who wanted a parent in the room when he saw a psychiatrist for his first appointment, and my 18 year old daughter who asked me to come with her to the optometrist appointment because her eyes just started crossing last month, I can confirm that this will likely NOT be the doctor’s visit you go to with him. My kids are very capable but they agree that it is so helpful to have a second person there to take notes or just be supportive. Honestly, my oldest son will be 23 years old in a few months and he might FINALLY becoming to the end of his childhood. It didn’t end when I thought it would.

Oops, I meant to say this will not be the LAST doctor’s visit you go to with him.

four is such a sweet age!!! enjoy him :) :) :)

I had the same thought! They do such a good job showing that while she’s a mess in her personal life, she’s actually really good at her job! I loved that show. And a nice reflection of Lena Dunham (who I love), who has at times seemed quite messy but is clearly quite competent and very successful at what she does!

Loved Too Much. It was one of my favorite shows last year.

I’m curious what you all liked about this show? There were parts that I liked, but overall, I found the characters annoying, and the ending disappointing. Like, what?! (Spoiler alert!) you need therapy, but let’s just get married instead?

Kay, it’s so lovely to hear about all this! I was on a small island in Bali once, and listening to the call to prayer was mesmerizing. I would love a post about Islam / Ramadan as a way to learn more.

Ramadan Mubarak! I looked that up so hope it’s correct ! I always appreciate your comments, Kay From Queens ! The things you are doing for Ramadan sound beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Kay, thank you for giving us a glimpse into your family’s joyful celebration. I love picturing your community making preparations, the delicious dishes you will eat together, and your daughter’s wish to share that happiness with others is just beautiful. The ray of light I didn’t know I needed on this Monday morning. And thanks, as ever, Joanna for giving us this community from which we can all draw strength and hope.

Kay, thank you for sharing your joy as you celebrate and live your faith! Wishing you all the best as you celebrate Ramadan. As a wee tangent, I read the (sweet and entertaining) Plant Omar books with my son when he was in elementary. I thought it would be a good way for him to learn about the Muslim faith, but admittedly I had+have a lot to learn too!

Ramadan mubarak! I’ve tried to learn more about other faiths over the years and if anyone is interested, I really enjoyed the PBS special “Islam’s Greatest Stories of Love” – available on PBS Passport. A beautiful story of a young woman navigating grief/loss and taking comfort from her faith.

Oh, the special I mentioned is also on Youtube!

Ramadan Mubarak friends! Thank you so much! Susan and Anon, thank you for the recommendations! I think my kids will be ready to read Planet Omar next year, so I’ll be stocking up on the series for them. The best book about Ramadan for kids in my opinion is the picture book Ramadan Kareem by M.O. Yuksel. It’s fun, energetic, simple and not overly informational or preachy at all. (My pet peeve is children’s books written by people who have no idea how to write for children lol). Muad is a great singer that we listen to all Ramadan. He’s a British singer with a beautiful voice and usually has his family in his videos so you get a glimpse into a family celebrating Ramadan and Eid. His new song Guest of Light is great. Even if you don’t celebrate, pop into a mosque or an Islamic center during Ramadan and eat with us! We are always happy to share our table with guests ❤️

I’m not Muslim but today I did the Ramadan display at our library and the books are so beautiful! I’m going to wait until after Eid to check them out, though…

seconding this thought for similar reasons. I would also love for us to abandon this trend for the word porn.

I have a different and opposing opinion, but I respect yours and appreciate that you took the time and created the space to share it.

A.K. thank you for taking the time to respond to my original comment. I find it so valuable to share our thoughts on many things even if we hold vastly different beliefs or opinions. Thanks for the gift of your respect!

Whoops, that was meant for Lisa! Thanks to you too AK

Thank you, Anna. I feel the same way.

Agree, absolutely. I hated having to explain “Cabin Porn” to my kids in a bookstore.

I realize not everyone has such a destructive relationship with pornography. But, as someone whose 22y marriage ended in part because of my ex’s unrelenting pornography addiction that sullied our lives in and out of the bedroom, I just don’t find the casual use of the word porn in unrelated contexts to be helpful. It makes it casual, acceptable, pedestrian.

Thank you for articulating what I was feeling. I cringe when the word porn is used for otherwise delightful things.

Ditto.

when looking for food pantry designs for kitchen renovation, I googled ‘pantry porn’ figuring it would narrow the results to hyper organized pantries. Imagine my surprise, friends. Imagine my surprise.

haha I would love that — parent trap vibes. but, no, they live in neighboring towns, so we stay with my mom, but also hung out with my dad. xoxo

Thank you, Virginia <3 It's so tiring to see this cognitive dissonance everywhere. RFK must be loving life right now.

Hi Virginia, as far as I know, the antibiotics in industrial farming are often administered preventively, in order to get away with even worse living conditions, or just because it turns out that animals grow fat faster when they are on antibiotics. They’re not given as a cure (in industrial farming, animals are never cared for individually. So they do not help the animals, they’re only there for economic reasons, while they do pose a threat to the general effectivity of antibiotics (misuse of antibiotics leads to antibiotics resistance). Best wishes from a fellow vegetarian!

i agree with this commentary. there’s really no such thing as humane meat-eating. the level of suffering humans inflict on living creatures so we can eat their meat and other products is truly upsetting, and there’s no cure for it other than veganism. i’m not a vegan, but i often cook vegan food. my attempt to honor each animal when i eat any part of one is to offer my thanks for its sacrifice. at least it’s a way to acknowledge that this creature, taken from its family and raised in captivity, was raised to be slaughtered for my consumption. however, it’s not enough, and i always feel better when i eat vegan. lots of people eat meat without really considering, really thinking through, the pure, needless suffering animals go through for it. it would be great for this to be a larger conversation here on this blog, and maybe it will be someday!

Yes, the true conditions of free range, organic, grass fed, etc. are still horrific and terrible for our environment. Comparing a practice that is marginally better and ignoring the realities of it isn’t an improvement – eating no or less meat for everyone is the only solution

(Vegan here) I totally agree with you about there being no such thing as humane slaughter! As far as the antibiotics go, though, I think what they are likely trying to avoid is the overuse of antibiotics leading to greater antibiotic resistance worldwide. You probably know this but for anyone who doesn’t, farmed animals are routinely given antibiotics when it’s not necessary, which is a huge driver of antibiotic resistant bacterial growth.

Cece you are right, in factory farming antibiotica are a mostly preventative measire, because without them, infections in such cramped unhygienic places would skyrocket. But grass-fed bison and free range chicken are still susceptible to pathogens (as we all are) and unless they have a fine print somewhere, to insist on antibiotics-free is cruel. It is the case on a farm here close to where I leave :(

It means not giving preventative antibiotics. In this type of animal farming situation, if an animal is sick, they would be given medicine, but at that point, they would no longer be a part of the herd that is slaughtered and sold for meat. I have no idea what they would do with that sick animal, and depending on the farm, it might not be great. But the no antibiotics refers to antibiotics given in some factory farming situations for preventative measures.

Cece is correct. Nothing is black and white. I am already aware of this info but this is the type of thing that underscores the importance of using the widely available internet to quickly educate ourselves on virtually any topic (as long as you know to break through the first few targeted paid posts which are biased according to who the algorithm ‘thinks’ you are).

I think people comfort themselves with words like “humane” to insulate themselves from thinking about the horrible lives animals lead before they are killed for consumption. It’s a meaningless word in this context. Worse, it’s deliberately manipulative.

What an odd way of looking at it. It just looks cute and comfortable to me.

I just bought the red set before it sold out. Can’t wait to wear it this summer.

I agree about the 70’s romper vibes – it immediately reminded me of a pinafore dress I bought for my now-24-year old niece as a toddler that was then passed down to my own girls. But I would describe it as nostalgic rather than infantilizing, and I was thinking how cute this outfit would look on my teenager.

Had the same thought EPF

Everyone else does not have the day off. One third of jobs are retail/ food service. Not to mention the biggie, healthcare. I think more people work weekends and holidays than not.

I work for a large engineering corporation in the U.S. and have never had President’s Day off. Nor MLK. Nor many of the holiday’s. We get the basics only – New Year’s Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, 2 days at Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. We used to get a “Floating Holiday” but we don’t even get that anymore. It’s pretty standard in this industry to only get the basic holiday’s.

I’m also autistic and got very emotional at that scene. I love that Dr. King is coded autistic and I kinda wish they’d be more upfront about it so those who don’t know much about neurodivergence can learn and understand. But I’m glad that those of us who *do* know get to see moments of genuine understanding and empathy.

I’ve somehow gotten on The Pitt algorithm in threads, and a running theme i’m seeing there is also that Santos charting issues are related to ADHD (energized and amazing at high-dopamine activities like treating patients, feels physically in pain doing the boring low-dopamine charting). I have ADHD, and I feel that so hard!

I said it! BABY JANE DOE!

me, reading this aloud, BABY JANE DAOW!

Same! And I don’t like infants! They’re normally yuck, but I want to hold that little human and show that the world is OK!

Hi! Most doctors are not from the area they work unless they get really lucky. Matching and residency will normally take doctors to multiple cities before they find a landing spot.

As someone with a father also a runner diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I offer you solidarity. Keep inviting him to the games!!

I love this

Omg!! Best story. Get it girl!

Haha love this

lol love this comment

There is a baker in chicago whose business is called, “Bad Butter.” Not the same, but also a good use of butter.

Thanks for naming this! (Former hospital chaplain)

Yes, three cheers for hospital chaplains! They play a big role in supporting the humanity of patients and their loved ones in hard times.

This would make a fascinating job interview post, COJ team!

Wow, I want to watch a hospital chaplain show! That sounds fascinating!

This is so interesting. I agree, Sarah, this would be a great COJ post!

Or maybe an entire serries from the chaplain’s perspective? Fleabag and Grantchester have shown us the appeal of the “sexy” minister/priest. I happen to know of two semi-newly minted hospital chaplains whose backstories and charisma could make for a successful and very entertaining show – and that’s before you even get into the compassion and care required of the hospital duties.

I hear your point and don’t disagree. But as an atheist from the south, not having religion brought up is also a breath of fresh air. It is everywhere for me, so having a but of escapism where it is not, is completely welcome.

The show MASH did this beautifully!

Thank you so much Jennifer for being there at the hardest of times.

Thank you Stella for sharing how your spirit is feeling. That sounds really heavy to carry. We can sit together quietly across the miles with it together.

Long live MASH !

That sounds like a perfect weekend! Can’t wait for Thursday’s game against Canada.

Yesss! Love you Americans so much but let’s gooo Canada! 🇨🇦 ☺️

Not a nurse and delivered in a huge state of the art hospital, but YES. I still tear up thinking about the two nurses — one at intake, since said state of the art hospital ran out of delivery rooms so I labored for 8 HOURS in triage, and one in the delivery room who were the strangers that became instant sisters, guides, and protectors who helped safely deliver my baby. Nurses hold up the sky

No giving birth (yet). The baby in the photo was abandoned in the waiting room. But she’s doing fine so far!

Chiming in from Switzerland – here hospital births are led by mid midwives! If the doctor shows up you know things are not going as planned …

One of the things I love most about the Pitt is that the show accurately portrays the expertise and absolutely power of nurses and the funny dynamic of brand new “doctor” residents thinking they’re smarter than experienced nurses and then quickly realizing they’re wrong. One of the recent episodes really leaned into this, with beloved R2 Whitaker telling a med student, “always listen to the nurses. They run the ED and we mostly try to stay out of the way.” My parents met in a hospital when my mom was a nurse, my dad was a brand new resident physician, and my mom fixed an incorrect order my dad had given – and he was mad (!) – so this is an especially funny trope to me!

Hi Christina, I’ve been no contact with my biological father for over a decade (not sure if you want advice from me…?) but if he ever reached out to me and apologized i would hear him and want to turn the page. I have no idea if this applies to your situation, but if it does, my advice is to apologize even if you don’t think you need to, and as many times as it takes. <3

Christina, no real wisdom to offer, but a warm (virtual) hug from someone out there who feels for you. Twenty is still very young – maybe once his pre-frontal cortex develops a little more, things will take a turn. Until then, keep an open door and an open heart.

I am the child that went no contact for a period of time. A family friend stepped in to help me and my dad see each others perspective. He drove 7 hours to spend the weekend with my dad and share where I was, my unmet needs, and the ways life was actually easier just focusing on myself. The friend stayed for the weekend and helped my dad process and there were good times had, too. It was truly such a gift that someone was willing to serve such an important role. I am not sure if that is an option but it definitely made a difference for us.

Ugh I’m so sorry, Christina. I don’t really have any wisdom other than my sister was always distant/cold towards my mom but still in contact. My mom was terribly sad about their relationship and I told her she needed to just fully apologize for mistakes made in my sister’s childhood. Full stop. Explain she knew she had made some big mistakes, name specifically what she thought she had really messed up on, say that it was HER issues- and never my sister’s fault, etc. It certainly didn’t entirely change their relationship but it *did* change their relationship. I think this is always a good first step.

Christina What a nightmare as a parent. So sorry. Really. It could so easily happen to anyone. Keep leaving the door open/light on. It may take years – torturous years – but when young person gets through whatever it is sometimes they come back. So I hear.

I can appreciate others’ points here about apologizing even if it doesn’t seem necessary. However, I would like to offer my own experience: my brother and his wife went no contact with my parents (and me) a few years ago. It has been the worst heartbreak of my curious, loving and kind parents’ lives. And it is not due to anything in particular they did/did not do to/for their son. All parents make mistakes but my brother is under several dark spells: his wife’s own trauma with her parents and her abusive power over him, and the popular trend of binary thinking minimizing the importance of the willingness and ability to talk things out and hear each other and absorb nuance. So, while I don’t know your situation exactly, Christina, I wanted to offer that: 1) Feelings of shame here are normal, but you’re *not* alone, I promise you this, and the more people you share this heartache with, the more you’ll hear similar stories, and 2) Sometimes there is simply no good reason for estrangement and we must hope time and life lessons will do their thing. Huge, empathetic hug your way <3 <3 <3.

I would reach out to him and tell that you miss him. He’s at a confusing age, it’s me against the world. Even if he doesn’t respond, it might open a door.

Hi Christina, I’m so sorry to hear about this. Although, of course, I can’t speak for your son, I can share a bit about my perspective as a 33 y/o who is relatively estranged from my parents. Parents hold an immense power to control not only the settings of the child’s environment, but also the narrative. Many of us have memories of hearing our parents relay a story about us in a way that we feel fundamentally misrepresents what actually happened, and as a child you have no real recourse. Oftentimes when children reach your son’s age, they are now having the first taste being in charge of both their life’s setting and narrative. If they, for whatever reason, felt both that their relationship with the parents has been so far unhappy and also that their version of events hasn’t been respected as legitimate by their parents, the pendulum of the power shift can swing quite strongly and estrangement can often be the outcome. You can’t, of course, change the past, but you can recognise that something in your son’s past was and is so deeply painful for your son that now that the power of who controls his life has been shifted to him, he feels the best option for him is to sever his relationship with you. You also need to deeply understand that he is entitled to that view, even if you vehemently disagree on the facts of who said what when etc. That, of course, is so hard for you, but the more you can resist the urge to insist that your version of events is true, the more likely it is that there will be an opportunity to show in small, meaningful ways that a fundamentally new type of relationship with you is possible in adulthood. Remember he went through a whole childhood of not having a big say in how he lived his life, and at 20 he is still at an age where all or nothing thinking is common. As time passes, he may be able to work through the pain he is experiencing and open the door to a new type of relationship with you. If he does, your job is to accept that his perspective is legitimate (even if only in an apple and oranges type of way), and to show how much you still love him in a way that doesn’t ask him to suppress the painful parts of his childhood experiences. All the best xx

I’m so sorry for this and I hope that it’s a season of exploration and curiosity and inner work for you and your son. There’s a lot of social media content around going no contact and it can be very confusing and convincing. May it be for the very best. You did your work, you could apologize for anything that you may have done or pieces that you dropped—we all have those—but the biggest and hardest part of being a human being and a parent is that we can’t control our children or anyone else. We can only work on ourselves and trust that they will work on themselves too.

Hi there – I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I am no contact with both of my parents for my own sanity after years of legal troubles on their end, addiction, and enabling. My father specifically does not understand why I have this reaction. I can’t imagine my children choosing this path, but I can tell you from my own situation it is the ONLY way i can maintain a sense of balance and clarity to focus on my own life. My anxiety would sky-rocket after any interaction with them to the point of being so emotionally damaging to myself and my children. I would examine why it seems to be easier for him to be WITHOUT a relationship to you at this point. You are still the parent at the end of the day, and perhaps being open and honest about why he chose this difficult path may lead you to a better understanding of it all. Hugs. I would also comment to the person who mention their brother is under the power of his abusive wife and is part of the reason for his NC to his parents to examine if you really agree your brother is that powerless to make his own decisions. Phrasing that in such a way takes away his own pain and suffering at the hands of his parents and implies he can’t be strong enough to make his own decisions. Just a thought <3

Hi Chris, Yes, the brother I mentioned really is powerless to make his own decisions. He has some mental health conditions I did not go into detail about, here. It felt awful reading your comment (“why did I even share?” I thought to myself, heart pounding.) knowing my family situation in depth, but I realize your situation is very different, and I’m so sorry for the pain you have been through and glad you have found a way to live that brings you peace.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know this is a ‘thing’ these days – people going no contact with family for any number of real or perceived reasons. I hope you can take comfort from the rest of your family and hopefully he is just going through something and will return to you soon/eventually.

Seeing lots of really supportive messages, which is amazing. My partner went no contact with his mother after a LOT of intense therapy. His reason for going no-contact is valid and healthy. Hopefully you’re able to access some support and maybe explore the reason behind why he made this decision. Sending you all the best.

Hi Christina, I have no advice, but I’m so sorry. You are not alone. My brother went essentially no contact with my entire family (parents, myself, two other sisters) soon after he married. No reason was ever given, and we didn’t have a history of trauma within our family. Of course, every sibling’s experience of childhood is different, but it was extremely confusing for my sisters and I. We missed the birth of his three daughters, which was the most heartbreaking of all. He missed my wedding. However, it’s been about 10 years now, and things have healed a lot. The specifics are too much to get into, but my brother and I now have a fairly close relationship. He and his family will spend time with my parents and sisters when they visit, though my sisters are on their own path to forgiving and healing. I will say that the whole ordeal remains one of the most difficult things I’ve ever gone through, with the same intense grieving as the grief I’ve experienced after loved one’s deaths and a miscarriage. It’s really hard. But leave the door open, and you never know–he may come back.

My youngest abandoned her family when she was under the coercive control of an abusive p3d0 predator who weaseled into her life when she was only 16. We had very little contact for years. At one point we helped her move across country to get away. And that lasted a few months and she went back to him. To say it was brutal is a massive understatement and something I never could have imagined could happen to our family. She eventually got away, went to the police (along anything his former fiancé, who he had also abused), filed charges, including rape and attempted murder. Cops found illegal guns, drugs. He spent a couple months in jail, then pleaded out by trading out a few low level drug dealers. The feds and local DA dropped the weapons charges, which they had him dead to rights. Federal gun charges. Went nowhere. He was banished back to Vermont, free. Immediately lost touch with his parole officer. No one did anything. Every day I hope to hear news that he’s OD’d on heroin. Our daughter is happy, back in all of our lives, healing from this nightmare that stole her childhood. If anyone’s estranged child’s story is anything like this. DON’T EVER GIVE UP. Do anything you can think to do to get them back.

Hi Christina, I’m sorry to hear about your pain, and your child needing to take a break from your relationship. Each person’s story and perspective and lens is different of course, so I ask that you read this with the tone of the kindest intentions and of me genuinely wanting to help, not a snarky or nasty tone. That said, I have a few questions as prompts for you to ask yourself/your spouse to really mull over without resisting the conflicts or emotions that might arise as you think these things over. As a person who has parents that separated when I was very young, but who has gone no contact with each of them at different times for some different and some similar reasons regarding each parent, I assure you I’ve spent a lot of time on the child end of the situation. I have discussed these situations with my family ad nauseam, with my wife, therapist, friends and other family members, and these are some things I DREAM of my parents asking themselves, then taking the lead to discuss with me. I hope that one of these will help open up the conversation for you all towards a healthier, more open dialogue about what has worked in their childhood and what they dream of for your adult relationship. Also, sometimes kids that age are really busy in their life trying on new personalities and taking space to form them. Pending how things ended in your last communication, I suggest you keep reaching out at a gentle cadence, to let them have space while also letting them know the responsibility to maintain contact is not only theirs to uphold. It stinks to feel pressure to talk, but it can also feel lonely if it feels like your parent stopped trying. -Has your child expressed why they are upset with you? The reason for no contact? If yes, can you honor and understand their perspective, or are you only able to meet it with frustration and conflict? If no, can you ask them why no contact and not respond right away if you can only meet their statement with conflict? Have they actually been quite clear with you on why they were upset and what kind of space they needed? If not, can you ask with an open mind, and if so, were you able to truly try and understand their perspective without listing all of the things you did right/did for them? It can be so difficult to remember that you did a great job with so many things surrounding raising them AND they still have a right to tell you that XYZ didn’t sit right with them, or they didn’t know to be upset about it until they had time and space away from the family home to learn different perspectives and realize they were unhappy about some things. You can be amazing parents, who were truly present and engaged with your children, and who gave your children everything you had to offer mentally, physically, emotionally, financially etc., and they are still allowed to feel many emotions about how some things went down, or continue in current family dynamics. Have you considered how you’ve met this break/conflict, and how they might be feeling about it? If so, try not to make up a story about how you are thinking they feel and ask them directly. So much time and pain can be wasted on assumptions. If you have the kind of relationship where asking direct, but kind and thoughtful questions is allowed space, I encourage you to do so. I wish you all the very best, truly. -Signed a person who truly understands the deep, never-ending pain and grief of long-term estrangement. It’s very odd to know someone is alive and walking the Earth every day, just without you in their life. That pain is real, it’s deep, and it deserves space and reflection when you’re able. All my love. Lauren.

So many amazing, thoughtful, and kind responses here. I’ll reread them tomorrow for all I can glean. My oldest daughter and I have had times apart. We’ve had some hard conversations and our relationship can be tenuous. I often feel I have to hold my thoughts and feelings to myself or risk my daughters reactions. My daughter once told me she has no good memories of her childhood. It was hard to hear that and to not tell her she was wrong. That she wasn’t remembering correctly or that she was remembering with a child’s understanding and didn’t get it right. I’m still trying to understand without judgment, but it’s crazy hard. So – Christina – like so many others I encourage you to be compassionate with yourself and your child. Stay open to considering your son’s perspectives, but also take care of yourself. Be honest with him and yourself. Please keep sharing and let us know how things are going. Much love to you.

Becky Kennedy: The single most important parenting strategy | TED Talk https://share.google/24aaxrdkDgUNve5kh As someone who’s completely estranged from one parent and in minimal contact with the other, I wish they’d watch this and have the self-awareness to truly reflect.

As someone who is estranged from their family, I thought this was good advice: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/02/my-adult-daughter-doesnt-speak-me-anymore/582361/

As someone who does not have much contact with my mother, for valid reasons, please try to consider from all angles why he is making that choice. If there is anything you did to contribute, please own your part and take steps to fix it. If it truly has nothing to do with you, then let him have his space and maybe he will be back one day.

I would send him a card that says exactly that: “Your father and I love you and never imagined we wouldn’t have a relationship with your adult self. Please stay in touch. We love you and want to know how you’re doing.” Etc but keeping it short and sweet. Can’t hurt to express your feelings specifically.

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply in such a kind, thoughtful, non-judgmental and empathetic way. It truly brought tears to my eyes and reaffirms that this space has always been a place where we can talk without judgment. Thank you, thank you, thank you..

Martha, babes, def going to try this – thank you!

I too would love a post about navigating the new waters of life with adult children. They no longer er need or want our advice. We want to help in the most appropriate way. We want to be included in their busy lives. I sure could use some help!

I feel this deeply! My dad is a huge help with my young kids since they were able to move closer to us. And I’m so incredibly grateful to have all this time with them. But my mom is aging so rapidly it is scary.

Alex – and your husband is ill too? Elementary aged kids? I have high schoolers and am feeling sandwiched. I know everyone says this and it’s annoying, but you have to pace yourself. You can’t make things perfect, you deserve to enjoy your kids childhood, you deserve to enjoy your life. If they (parents) aren’t doing what they can to lighten the load, if you don’t have enough help- learn to say no sometimes, and do not feel guilty. Sometimes you cannot solve all the problems. Maybe a friend can make you lasagna and if not there is always Olive Garden!

This may have been shared here before, but if you’re in need of some lasagna and support, you can request a meal through this organization: https://lasagnalove.org/

That sounds incredibely tough, alex!

My husband wants us to get a bigger house, which I am not particularly on board for… unless its layout contributes to privacy for young adult children and keeps them close by to me :)

Nice to Each Other-Olive Dean 🎶. So good.

I can’t bring myself to dive into The Pitt either. After being in and out of hospitals to help take care of my dad, I just don’t know that I can watch medical drama for fun. But I would love recs for other “competency porn” shows, because it sounds fun! Then again…maybe this is why I like British Bake-Off or Pottery Throw Down. Gentle every day people being good at a skill they love is fun to watch too.

I am realizing competence porn is exactly why I watch cozy mysteries all the time : everything gets solved by people who know What Is Up lol

Caitlin – I don’t think this is exactly what you’re looking for, but… one of the reasons I enjoy the “Below Deck” reality show franchise is that I get to watch incompetent people get fired. Cathartic!

Caitlin “gentle everyday people being good at a skill they love”… This is absolutely what I love about British baking show, why I find it so comforting. Your line is going in my journal 🙂 gentle everyday people is what I seek.

My mum always says: “give your children roots and wings”

We have a post coming up tomorrow! Xo

I think Cup of Jo has consistently done a meaningful job of highlighting diverse voices, artists, writers, and families year-round, rather than concentrating that effort into a single month. I’ve often noticed stronger representation here than on many other lifestyle sites, which is something I really appreciate. Of course there’s always room for growth everywhere, but I don’t personally see this space as reflective of decisions being made by political administrations or universities or other regimes. Maybe instead of assuming something has been “eliminated,” we could use this thread to share Black creators, books, music, and businesses we’re loving right now. I’d genuinely love more recommendations, and that feels like something this community does really well.

A local daycare I visited for work had the most beautiful Black History month decorations – really creative and actually done well, not like kids crafts but like, decor, in a wonderful way. I hadn’t heard about uni’s cancelling BHM celebrations. That is shameful, imo.

Author Sadeqa Johnson absolutely got my attention. Still reading through her historical fiction works.

Yes! Sharing is what I hoped we could do, Melanie Miksovsky. Something I’ve watched and LOVED lately: “How to Die Alone” a comedy about a woman who has a near-death experience and decides to liver her best life. Here’s the trailer if you’re curious: https://www.imdb.com/video/vi1577698841/

I think this blog does an amazing job of highlighting diversity year round. Much more than most.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/17/us/politics/jesse-jackson-photos.html?unlocked_article_code=1.M1A.VJvD.tM5koSl3xmcR&smid=url-share 🙏 (Gift link)

Another great find: I switched from Spotify to Tidal and Tidal has these incredible playlists featuring what they consider the top 100 songs from Black artists in different genres for Black History Month. Just search BHM 100. BHM 100: Pop is the new soundtrack to my workday (when I’m doing things that don’t require a ton of focus). SO GOOD!

The local YMCA where I work out has giant BLACK HISTORY MONTH letters outside and local Black business owners with displays inside. I wrote them a thank you note because it’s nice to see businesses (especially here in the South) not bowing to so-called “DEI” silencing efforts under this federal administration. I’m trying to be better about cheering on organizations being brave.

Julie, that’s so beautiful! I’m going to try and do that, too (praising organizations doing the right thing). I love my YMCA, but I haven’t gotten to go this month because I injured my leg. They do usually have incredible displays for BHM, so I’m going to ask my neighbors. I’ll probably even do the exact thing you did and email my Y : ) I learned this morning on NPR that this is the 100th anniversary of Black History Month! I’m reading a lot while I rest and recover, so I just finished ‘Homegoing’ by Yaa Gyasi, and now I’m reading ‘An American Marriage’ by Tayari Jones. Both gripping stories that bring history alive, and each authored by a Black woman.

Jo- what happened to the post you mentioned for the 17th?

we got backed up in our editing process — we are extremely short staffed right now, my eyes are falling out of my head at the end of each day! — but we will have it ready and published this week :) thank you!!

Awesome! Did not mean that as a slight but am genuinely excited to read. I hope things let up for you soon. Need an intern? Pay me in Sezane discounts and I am so there ;)

I love this!

Yes, we regularly feature brands we love and use ourselves, as a way to generate revenue for our small business and pay our contributors, developers, and full-time team — both for their time and talents and also for their families’ health/dental benefits, maternity leave, etc. We make sure to mark sponsored content clearly and only work with brands we love (meaning that we actually turn down the majority of potential partners). Our readers’ trust is really important to us. Hope this makes sense! Thank you!

Kate, why? Honestly.

Yes, aren’t you lucky to read about 2 funny things and 2 other things you can scroll right past if they’re not for you … All for free in a beautiful community brought to you by Cup of Jo, a small business.

I really don’t mind at all… I buy clothes from probably 2 places so it’s fun to see a different style that I haven’t checked out in a while. If I’m not in the mood for that I scroll on by.

The info given by Jo about certain products can be a “fun thing” and often are. Back in the day print magazines all had ads ! It’s how they survived. An entire TV series was made about that fact ! One of my favs in fact ! You all know what I’m talking about ! :)

Kate, I am so with you! Ignore the rude comments below. We all know COJ needs to pay their team and support the business, but I am also tired of ads pretending to be content. It’s not real content if it’s paid! Genuinely no different than an annoying sponsored Instagram post.

But Leah, I saw this more as a shout out and Jo’s personal preference she is sharing for a product or company. If she got paid, so what ? How would you propose she pay all the salaries and benefits she wrote about in her comment ? I don’t understand the controversy at all. Print media always had ads.

Leah, I’ve reread this whole thread and none of the comments were flat out rude. Kate is entitled to her comment, and people are allowed to reply, as you and others (and Jo, graciously) did.

To clarify for everyone, I’ve worked in print media (I feel like an old-timey person sharing that, like being a candlemaker or ironmonger, haha) and not only were the actual display ads ads, we also shared shopping round ups and recommendations with where to buy the things. Sometimes they were sent to us for free – eg books for review – sometimes we independently sourced things from shops by going out and about into the real world. What we featured would be my choice with no kickbacks, but, of course, I’d prioritise a stockist who advertised with us over one who didn’t. It’s how media has always worked. The beauty of all of this is that we have free choice! We can click on the link if we want to buy – currently I’m finding Sezane out of my price range – or we can scroll past. I personally really enjoy the reccos here and have bought them (without using the affiliate links as I need local sources in my country, I’m not US based). Cheers all!

Please stop with these complaints about ads. This is how revenue is made for Jo and her team (which I assume she pays a living wage). If you don’t want to buy clothes from Sezane, skip the links or comeback tomorrow. I personally love the clothing links.

I 100% agree Kate’s comment, which I don’t see it as some blasphemous broadside against the blog just an observation. Sezane is definitely not a small business…but it probably pays the team super well! On a different note, I find the sezane website super disappointing. Their models are always having to pout and wear their shirts unbuttoned to their navels and pose in silly positions that prevent me from actually seeing how the clothes hang. Also I don’t think that brown top with that big gold thing and side boob is everyday clothing for me….

Hi Jo, to clarify I understand the purpose of ads for the business of course. As others have said, I just don’t love seeing them disguised in a four fun things post. Posting about a meat subscription feels kind of odd anyways. I prefer for sponsored posts to be their own thing and transparent in their intentions, which I regularly engage with and read.

Thank you, Kate. I hear you! Many brands don’t have the budget to pay for a full sponsored post, so instead we also sell smaller post inclusions — which are marked as sponsored — for a lower fee, in order to reach our company’s revenue targets. I wonder if a solution would be to put #partner or #ad in the blurb itself. (Right now we mark “sponsored” on the top and bottom of the post, but maybe that ends up feeling too separated from the sponsored section.) I know the newsletter Gloria does this effectively. Thank you again for your feedback!

Kate This is Joanna’s livelihood, do you expect her to just do this for you for free?

Those chicken thigh sound so good!!

Wait, I found the original recipe! (I always use thighs instead of drumsticks) https://juliasalbum.com/buttermilk-roast-chicken-with-garlic

Oh mama, thank you for this. Mine are 7 and 11, and I LOVE these ages, but I’m really missing those sweet younger years. Both simpler and more complicated. I feel like I didn’t appreciate it because I was kind of just surviving. But man, you brought all the tough stuff rushing back, and I’m sending you ALLLLLL the thoughts of love and patience and kindness and strength you may need to get through it.

I have a toddler and a newborn and every day is a struggle. Someone is waking me up every 90 minutes overnight. Someone is always crying (sometimes it’s me). I miss my job and might end my leave early just so I can go and have a cup of coffee and only worry about work and not about how I am trying to stop my toddler from biting the baby and then she bites me and I can’t yell at her for acting out but wow I’m tired… Yeah I am not enjoying any of this time. It’s too hard and it isn’t fun at all. I want to be a human again.

Oh Emma I hear that… I’ve had the conversation “I want a 5 minute break from answering questions” “Why?” “I need time to let my mind rest” “Why?” “Please just stop for a few minutes. I’m not going to answer questions.” “Why?… is 5 minutes over yet? How long is 5 minutes?”

It’s been a few years, but I highly recommend ear protectors (the giant muff type) for 5-minute sanity reset when parenting infants/toddlers/preschoolers! Good for remaining (sort of) calm while holding screaming babies. And when you need a time out from older baby questions, complaints, whatever (but can’t actually go away), the muffs make a good visual reminder that your time out is not over yet.

Exactly. Listen up, Sezane!

Yes! I tried on a ton of stuff at one of their pop-ups, thinking something would work after loving their stuff online for so long, and everything is SO straight cut!

Yes, please!!!

Yes!!!

Yes! I love their items but I’m a 6ft tall, size 10 women, and I tried Sezane and it looks ridiculous on me, unfortunately. But then, most things that are not tall sizes look a bit ridiculous on me. Anthropologie is a little more forgiving (and they have at times tall pants.)

This makes me so happy!! Preteens/teens are my favorite age so far and I just hope and pray they will come visit all the time when they’re older xoxoxo

I second this. Looking for colleges and navigating emotions is intense but good!

I’m a mom of a girl, 34, and a boy, 29, and I can’t believe I’m writing that! They have been delightful at every age, they LOVE to come home every chance they get, they call/text almost every day, and they are definitely our best friends. And now we have an adorable grandson to cuddle! It will be okay, mamas!

Elizabeth – thank you SO much for this reframe!! I’m in tears more often than I’d care to admit about my children growing up lol but this truly helps!!

I was just going to say — she seems so great (inside and out) that I’m going to have to re-read that beauty uniform.

Same! I was thinking I’d love to read more from her or interviews with her, she just seems so kind, gracious and wise. And so ‘whole’, despite the challenges of life. Posts that would kind of mentor younger women in perpetuity would be so, so lovely :)

Thank you for your note, Momma xo

Since becoming a mom, I can’t do dairy either. Babies taken repeatedly from their moms (both screaming in agony), then both slaughtered (the mom after years of her “service”). It may be obvious there’s no such thing as humanely raised meat but there’s also no such thing as humane dairy.

Momma, I went vegetarian as a child (my decision) and was for a couple of decades. I had to reintroduce meat because nothing else was helping the various health issues I’d been dealing with for years. My body does so much better on an omnivore diet, which has been very hard to come to terms with. I’m so grateful to be able to access more humanely raised, ethical animal products. I know my situation is unusual and many people eat meat unthinkingly, and yes encouraging vegetarianism is something we can and should continue to do, but I am all for increasing the prevalence of better, more ethical alternatives for the many people who will never stop eating meat.

Momma, as a fellow longtime reader of this blog, I had the EXACT SAME reaction and second everything you said. I strongly urge CupofJo to reconsider promoting Butcherbox or meat products in the future, especially given the disastrous impact of animal agriculture on the climate crisis and the cruelty to animals built into any form of the meat industry.

Lucy, my baby wouldn’t have survived without dairy-based formula. We live in a complicated world.

Hey Ana, mine either! I’m not talking about our babies giving up dairy; I’m talking about myself :) And even feeding my baby formula, I am well aware there is no such thing as ethical dairy. Since I can give it up, I do. And it’s fascinating how many people respond by telling me why others can’t.

So carefully and well said, Momma. I had the same jarring moment. I too would encourage people to get educated on the full process to get any animal into that butcherbox (and also research the impacts on heart health and cancer rates before considering a box full of meat as high-quality protein).

Please do not shame people for what they eat. I am happy for you to have your choices, and I have mine. Let’s live and let live.

Let’s nudge this conversation where we want it to go! What is a dream butcherbox for vegetarians consisting of? And how are we grappling with the highly processed nature of plant proteins? Especially when it comes to feeding our children? I always have bags of impossible nuggets and meatballs in my freezer and serve them each around once a week. Fortunately my kids love beans so I throw them in as many meals as I can. But the fake meat has more protein bang per bite which makes a difference when feeding little kids. What are other vegetarians doing to feed their family and keep themselves satiated? Specifically fake meat or meat alternatives is what I’m looking for. We do: greek yogurts lentil/bean pasta tofu allllll the time beans in soups and sauces Impossible nugs and meatballs. tj steamed lentils in everything, especially quesadillas If I could get out of my head about processed foods I’d be looking for more chicken alternatives for sandwiches for the kids.

Momma, supporting your comment and thanking you for posting.

@Momma, another former vegan/vegetarian (for well over a decade) here who had to reintroduce meat to manage serious health issues on the advice of a gastroenterologist. I would encourage you to approach this issue with the same level of compassion for people that you have for animals. Feeding individuals and families is complicated – we are all balancing nutrition, dietary needs, food preferences, schedules, budgets, time allowances, culinary abilities, and yes, personal ethics. Someone else’s math might look very different than yours; for our family, that means eating poultry and fish but not mammals. Moreover, as a serious home cook who still prioritizes vegetarian meals, I can tell you that it takes more effort, consideration, skill, and time to make nutritionally balanced and delicious vegetarian family meals, just as it takes more time to make food from scratch rather than relying on processed foods. Vegetarianism is a mental load that many people can’t shoulder right now. I applaud any efforts people make to reduce their meat consumption and/or source their meat from places that consider animal welfare, while recognizing that not everyone can make these efforts.

I am with you, Momma. This is such a compassionate space for humans that I’m always surprised at the disconnect when it comes to food and leather apparel too. The cruelty that comes with farming animals, and particular towards female animals, as you say, is unfathomable to anyone who doesn’t turn a blind eye, especially as we continue to learn more about animal sentience. Not to mention the facts that 60% of the world’s mammals and 70% of its birds are livestock (36% mammals are humans; just 4% wild animals). Animal farming is untenable in the modern world and while buying more arguably ethical meat has some environmental advantage, it’s clearly out of reach for most people.

Hali: Rancho Gordo bean club! — the Butcher Box for vegans :) I also love tofu (kid does not – but she’s coming around). And I enjoy soyrizo and Field Roast sausages occasionally — processed but yummy.

I’m not a momma but am a vegan. I had the same feeling hearing about ‘humane’ treatment of animals. It’s a hard thing you did Momma, to come here and share a value and and ethical stance. There are some in the comments that think you’re judging but I think your comment shows a lot of compassion. Like many of us who do not think there’s a nice way to dispose of animals who feel, who have familial ties, and who like our own animals at home, have personalities and fears and joys, you simply shared your pain. It’s a pain I share too.

You do you, honey, the rest of us will do the same.

Thank you for being brave enough to say something. I completely agree and found it really jarring to see a box of dead animals advertised here. I’m not fully vegetarian or vegan, but I do strive to be (huge +1 to the rec for Rancho Gordo beans) and feel immense guilt at the suffering that animals endure in modern animal agriculture. We can all strive to do better, even if that’s just reducing the amount of meat/dairy we consume.

Can I just say, I really appreciate everyone’s posts on this thread? It’s such an important topic! Thank you all for sharing. I’m vegan due to my love of people AND animals, and I truly appreciate and celebrate anyone who tries to reduce meat and dairy consumption in any way they can, because all of those efforts are so needed. It requires effort to do something different than the dominant culture, which fetishizes protein and animal meat, and it’s hard to look at the meat and dairy industry and confront the almost unfathomable amount of suffering, both human and animal, that it causes. Life puts so many demands on us, it can be really hard to add in anything else. Believe me, I get it. Thank you in advance to anyone, whatever your overall dietary persuasion, who reads this thread and leaves meat or dairy off the plate next time they order at a restaurant, or cook at home. Ethics are not a sexy topic and I’m so grateful to everyone who posted in support of Momma or at least mentioned prioritizing vegetarian meals. You’re great and I appreciate you!

Hali, some of my go-tos not on your list include: – tempeh (Plant Based RD’s sticky harissa tofu is a recent fave, if spice is okay, or sticky ginger tempeh from The First Mess), – nutritional yeast (in sauces, on popcorn), – seitan, – bread! rice! pasta! (not bodybuilder amounts of protein but more than people think and it helps “complete” the legume based proteins) I’ve also gotten very into blending silken tofu into sauces, but it sounds like you have the tofu front covered! Re: sandwiches for a chicken-salad type feel I do chickpeas (smashed but not blended) with yoghurt/mayo/whatever. For more of a chicken patty type hot sandwich, I like seared halloumi cheese (or paneer). But if you mean a deli-meat style chicken, I got nothing!

Thank you for your comment Momma and for saying it so well. Meat is exploitation and it was very jarring to see it advertised as a “fun thing.”

Katherine – these are such great suggestions, I like those things too! I would add that some of the big categories of quick meals I cook at home are, in no particular order, curries (Indian and Thai), daal, burritos/tacos/enchiladas, grain or rice veggie bowls with paprika or tamari chickpeas, hummus, avocado; tofu in myriad delicious ways, yummy brothy beans (ideally Rancho Gordo, scored from my mom who has the elusive bean club membership) made in the Instant pot or oven, served over polenta with some wilted greens, vegetarian soups (I am a passionate soup-maker and just invent them based on what’s in the fridge and pantry), pastas w/eggplant or lentil meatballs, or a creamy, protein-rich sauce from cashews, or pesto, Big Salads (haha), there’s so much! I’m in grad school, and I hate cleaning up the kitchen, so cooking easy, healthy vegan food on a budget is of primary importance. I think a lot of veg cooking involves just stocking some different basics at home so that the decision becomes easy. And it’s awesome that one can find vegan/vegetarian basics in bulk at Asian/Indian/Mexican food grocery stores, where they’re often sold in large quantities for a better price. Trader Joes of course also has a ton of good veg options. Vegan cooking is a joy and anyone can do it!

Hi, Hali, I just started recreating spaghetti sauce with Beyond sausage breakfast patties as the “meat” source and it is hugely satisfying. I prefer the Beyond products because I am also gluten-free and they have more to offer in that area. Sauté one onion, one green pepper and minced garlic (I add the garlic when the other veggies are almost done) until soft. Add your favorite jarred spaghetti sauce. Slow pulse in the food processor 2 boxes of the Beyond breakfast sausage (plain, not spicy.. though I do enjoy the spicy for other purposes) from the near frozen stage to a ground meat-like consistency. (If you let the sausage thaw very much, it will be more paste-like) Add to the sauce and let simmer until you are happy with it. Season with salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, garlic powder… (Technical, I know. :). I serve it over brown rice pasta or chickpea pasta, which may up the protein content even more. Serve it with bread and salad. Yum! I have also created this with pulsed tempeh, if you prefer. I also do lots of smoothies with greens and beets and papaya and banana and blueberries, chia, flax and hemp seeds. Rainbow smoothies. It might be fun for the kids to come up with different combos that make up the colors of the rainbow. Chocolate protein powder makes it feel like a treat. I make a chickpea salad for sandwiches which is also very satisfying. And as you’ve already mentioned.. beans, beans, beans. But a variety. Pinto beans over brown rice with chipotle seasoning, corn and sautéed multi-colored peppers and onions is a favorite. I also have the goal of keeping processed choices to a minimum. There’s definitely a learning curve. Processed plant-based proteins are controversial, I know, largely because of the purported heavy metal content… but I would submit that almost nothing we put in our mouths is without warning nor controversy. And the way I grapple with it is by telling myself that if the only way to survive and be well is by torturing and killing, then there is something very wrong here. I will continue trying to learn and nourish myself as best I can within the parameters of compassion for other living beings. And to really consider the problem with others’ rallying cry to “Live and let live.” Because, with regard to this issue, there’s only one left living at the end of that sentence.

Hali, I feel you. I am always looking for meatless protein ideas. You know what I’ve been getting into lately, is a tofu scramble. Maybe this is obvious but after a while of preparing tofu the same old ways I kind of forgot you can just…scramble it. It’s easy and fast. I like to make a little southwest breakfast taco with it. Also this peanut stew is a favorite: https://www.budgetbytes.com/african-peanut-stew-vegan/

Momma, and many others, thank you for speaking up. As people who care about the ethics of eating other animals, we all KNOW how our comments will be received by some. And it does take courage to raise the issue. For those that see advertising meat consumption as normal, how would it feel if COJ made a post about NOT eating meat? If not eating animal products were advertised as NORMAL, and promoted? Here’s a code to get a discount for this company that promotes NO MEAT? And it’s not as if there’s an ethical issue with not eating animals……. just a lot of very offended people at the very notion that not consuming would be advertised and shown as normal. Meat eaters hate when they feel vegetarians being up issues and “shove it in the faces”. Just leave us alone! Stop judging our food! Yet…… here we are being fed a fun thing and a discount code and a sponsored post. This would be a really great time to just sit down and listen when someone who is bothered by this speaks up. Or scroll by and carry on. It’s ugly to argue back when someone is speaking from their heart like this, about an issue you care nothing about. And an issue where you are clearly not being at all oppressed.

@ Hali – do quarterly seitan (see-tan) preps for the 3 months ahead! (homemade is a bit of work but totally doable, especially after doing it a few times). There are “chicken” seitan recipes online, (and every other type of meat). This way, you know what’s in it and also, it is mostly homemade. If I were not allergic to gluten I would have a fully stocked freezer, so enjoy for me!

So encouraged by the kind and encouraging comments here. Fellow vegan joining team Rancho Gordo bean club! I’ve also loved this tofu method for sandwich fillings: https://veganscratchkitchen.substack.com/p/crispy-shredded-tofu-chikn

Yum and yes!

I submit a request for an updated baby registry/what was useful during the baby years list, please! :) I’m pregnant with my first (!) and have been using COJ as a resource to prepare, but the baby items posts are all a bit older.

I was thinking there should be a trigger warning before a close up of a pile of shrink wrapped animal parts! Gag.

Thank you for changing the photo to something less jarring, and for all the vegan/vegetarian comments.

Hahaha here to please!

As a mother to two kids who are out and on their own, it is sometimes difficult not to be needy. I try to allow my kids to be the ones to initiate much of the contact, so they can control how often we are in touch, while aiming to initiate just the right amount so that they can feel my care and concern as warmth and support. All of this to say that sometimes, I miss my kids intensely at times, so I am sure your parents would appreciate 10% more contact.

Mary Mary, my parents do the same thing! My sister and I realized a while back that they very rarely call us but pick up joyfully every single time we call. It’s actually so kind and loving even though I never noticed until age 46!

My college aged daughter just visited this weekend and she spent half the time with her friends and half her time chilling with me, watching movies, eating frozen dinners, talking about everything and nothing. And before she left, I let her “shop” our pantry because it makes me feel good to know she has good soup and all the staples for a quick chili. It’s so lovely and there’s none of the drama that we had when she was a teenager. Ever since my kids were babes, I’ve always been kind of dreading the next stage but it’s always turns out to be even better than the last!

As a healthcare worker of 20 years, I’d say it’s competency but it’s also feeling SEEN. It is enormously validating to see how accurately The Pitt shows what it is like to work on the front lines of the U.S. healthcare system in 2025-2026.

This is so sweet thank you!

Number 46 is “Offer to return someone’s cart for them.” Do it for Larry!

Oh I’m so sorry for your loss, Caroline. Love imagining your mom cooking breakfast for her beloved showering daughter. Xoxoxo

Scrolling through the comments to see if anyone had this info! Yes! So excited to finally watch it