Have a Loving Weekend.
What are your plans for this weekend? We will be watching the Super Bowl with our neighbors, and the boys are going to have a hot chocolate stand to raise money for Minnesota organizers. Thank you to all the brave people in the Twin Cities; we are so grateful for your example. Take gentle care of yourselves, and here are a few links from around the web…
I had a dating realization that changed everything. (And get 20% off Big Salad subscriptions this week. xoxoxo)
Catherine O’Hara was everyone’s mom. “Her characters were a monument to the endlessly radical idea that mothers are people, too.” (NYMag)
Life lessons from four winters in Sweden.
The perfect date night shoes, plus they’re 20% off with code CUPOFJO20, exclusively until 2/11. (These sneakers are cute, too.)
Painted rocks are an optical illusion.
Catbird has always been my favorite jewelry destination (I mean, how gorgeous is this ring?!). If you order anytime before February 11th, their ready-to-ship will arrive in time for Valentine’s Day.
A sliding apology, my heart.
Can’t wait for Sharon Horgan’s new show.
A beautiful essay on quitting cigarettes. “Every smoker keeps in the front of their mind a worse-off, more seriously addicted, probably sooner-dying smoker who they use to legitimate their own habit. For everyone I knew, I was that smoker.” (via Maybe Baby)
The evolutionary brilliance of the baby giggle. The videos! (NYTimes gift link)
This cool poster comes in French, English and Italian.
“Humanity is, always, enough,” writes Roxane Gay. “We have a right to protest, legally carry a firearm, drive while Black, walk in a neighborhood at night, play in a park, sleep in a bed or do anything else whether we are wonderful people and beloved or not.”
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Erin on my birthday weekend: “Regarding avoiding ‘soul-sucking reasonableness’: When my parents’ friend Art turned 40, my mom made 40 cupcakes. We put them around the perimeter of the dining room table, lit each one, and made Art run around the table blowing out all the candles. It was hilarious.”
Says E. Louise on 8 lovely looks: “Y’all I splurged on this Sézane dress that I’ve wanted for months because, well, fuck it, I love it and also I think I may be proposed to. I also feel like this group has been part of this relationship journey, in that I remember, in my darkest hours, reading that no matter what I think there is someone truly wonderful out there, and you guys were right.”
Says Dawn on my birthday weekend: “I turned 39 right after my mom died, and I didn’t want to celebrate. I felt sad and drained. Instead, I decided to do 39 random acts of kindness. Many of them were anonymous and in my neighborhood. It was so much fun, and I felt like a secret happiness spreader.”
(Photo by Tamara Harhai/Unsplash.)
Comments
130 commentsAs a longtime reader, I’d love to see a collection of the 10 articles that have received the most comments over time. I’ve recently been looking through the old posts (the house tours, the style tours, parenting around the world) and there’s great content worth revisiting (though every time you go back, it refreshes and you have to scroll from the top again). I wonder which articles were the most popular? Any chance of some follow ups with some of the style features…where are they now? How has their style evolved? Also, is there a CupofJo anniversary? Surely there’s bound to be a big celebration at some point – 15 years for readers etc. It’s quite an accomplishment to have this wonderful community over the years, in largely the same blog format, when so many other platforms have morphed/disappeared, etc.
Dawn, your comment made me tear up! So sweet!
Loved hearing the dating rules and I co-sign them completely! One thing I started doing that has greatly eased the entire process is ending the chat (either the first one or one of the first few) by saying, “It’s been fun chatting! I’m off to [the gym, the farmer’s market, the beach — whatever]. Feel free to check in on me tomorrow :) I’ll be ready to report back.” If they check-in, lovely! If they don’t, onward. It relieves me of the pressure to move things along and seems to sort the ones who are interested in real connection from the once who are treating the apps more like social media than anything else.
This community has such great advice – how to handle a friend breakup that hurts? She was a close friend who ghosted me for 4 months and then I only got closure (that she was not interested in me as a close friend) bc I reached out for an understanding…
I’m so sorry you’re in this place! Try not to let it define your worth or perceived value as a friend; she’s on her own for the choice to ghost and whatever she’s going through that inspired that decision. Treat yourself with extra kindness. Cry, vent, dance, whatever you need to do! Grieving the end of a friendship isn’t very different than grieving a romantic bond: the memories, feeling special to a person, the lost potential future…
I am really sorry that happened. It does hurt. Because it is meant to. You are meant to be sad when you loose someone/something important to you. The extra sting in it is that your relationship didn’t carry the same importance to the other person. But never rewrite the loss of a relationship into the hollowing out belief that you are not enough. Be sad, be hurt, be angry, be bewildered, be reflective on whether there are lessons you can learn, but never believe you are worth less or are unlovable or a failure. A relationship ended. Feel the sadness but don’t feed the pain with any lies that make you feel valueless. It will be better soon. I promise.
It hurts! Be kind to yourself like a romantic breakup! As far as what you can DO, not much since she is not interested in a close friendship.
People inhabit their own worlds. Their reactions and responses are often more about them and what they’re going through than you. At the same time, it’s useful to reflect on what may have happened to cause the person to back away–different communication styles, different values, a particular incidence–when there’s a parting of ways. Not every relationship is meant to last forever and other people may fit you better right now. I’m going through something similar and trying to keep all of this in mind myself.
My greatest heartbreak in life was a friend breakup. It was harder than my divorce, even. But it gets better! For a long time, I thought about her with profound sadness every day. Five years later, it’s a much duller and less frequent ache, and I have made peace with it and with the end of our relationship. Like all heartbreaks, it will just take time. I’m so sorry.
Reading your comment, a poem from John O’Donohue came to mind, that I just read last night while flipping through his collection Benedictions. Posting here in case it’s helpful for you. <3 A Blessing for the Breakup of a Relationship Now you endeavor To gather yourself And withdraw in slow Animal woundedness From love turned sour and ungentle. When we love, the depth in us Trusts itself forward until The empty space between Becomes gradually woven Into an embrace where longing Can close its weary eyes. Love can seldom end clean; For all the tissue is torn And each lover turned stranger Is dropped into a ruin of distance Where emptiness is young and fierce. Time becomes strange and slipshod; It mixes memories that felt The kiss of the eternal With the blistering hurt of now. Unknown to themselves, Certain small things Touch nerve-lines to the heart And bring back with color and force All that is utterly lost. This is the time to be slow, Lie low to the wall Until the bitter weather passes. Try, as best you can, not to let The wire brush of doubt Scrape from your heart All sense of yourself And your hesitant light. If you remain generous, Time will come good; And you will find your feet Again on pastures of promise, Where the air will be kind And blushed with beginning.
Everyone is on their own journey. I think Emily, below, has it exactly right: look inward and get reflective about your part to play and why your friend may have backed away. Learn what you can from the experience and try to sit with your feelings whatever they are instead of blaming. You can feel however you feel and be in your own story, but so can your friend. Not all relationships are meant to last forever – including friendships. It’s ok for relationships to end, especially if something happened or if things have changed. In think sometimes we hold it against each other that we change, but in reality, letting people go and grow can be a gift to them and to ourselves. Wishing you peace.
I’ve had a few friendships end. One in particular hurt more simply for how. The woman just straight up told me to my face she didn’t have the energy to be my friend. Whatever that means? It honestly sent me on such a spiral of, gosh, am I too much??? In hindsight, only a little later, she was divorcing, remarrying an, ahem, problematic man, her two teens kinda went off the rails, ended up moving across country….. so yeah, I’m sure, me, in all my unique quirkiness WAS a lot at the time. And I also came to realize I wasn’t being very discerning in my friendships. “You want to be friends? Great!” Was all it took. That’s not exactly wonderful. This was not a person I ever wouldn’t chosen, actually. All this to say, the world is big. We are big. Everyone is not for us. We are not for everyone. The few people that really and truly get us, accept us, put all your energy into them. And consider it a favor when someone shows themselves to not be for you. Because you deserve people who 100% are for you.
Kat, thank you so much.
These comments are so helpful. Thank you, everyone.
One friend breakup was one of the great heartbreaks of my life. Other friendships that have drifted apart have stung. The comments here are wonderful. One other thing that has helped me is considering how unnatural and demanding our modern social environment is. We are creatures who evolved to live in a small, tightly connected group of people that rarely changes and only occasionally sees others. Most of our existence as a species happened while living this way. Even after we spread around the world and developed agriculture, we mostly lived in one place for many generations and had stable social structures keeping us connected. I’m not saying that those earlier humans didn’t fight and grieve—of course they did—but the way relationships were maintained was completely different from what is now expected of us. Now, we move or our friends move. We are in huge groups all the time. We are expected to text and message and call. There is no fabric of community and family holding so many of our important relationships with us. If we were animals in a zoo, I think people would protest the abusive environment in which we live for being too far from what our evolution demands and leaving us stressed, anxious and lonely. So when friendships, or any relationships, fall apart or change in uncomfortable ways, I find compassion for everyone involved by remembering how hard and unnatural this is! We are doing our best in a world not designed to meet our needs or nurture our connections.
What a great idea on the birthday cupcakes! and Girl, that red dress is killer. Wear it often, while you can.
https://nerdwax.com/products/books-bundle Eyeglass wipes for the book lover (micro fiber). One bundle to serve many hearts!
I’m vibrating with joy! I never, ever expected to have my comment highlighted in a Cup of Jo weekend post!!!!!! Thank you so much! Someone asked what the kindness missions were. I still have the list and read it occasionally to remind myself of a moment of resilience. I think I cheated a bit and counted each location where I left something. Counting that way brought the total to 41. (1) wrote thank you note to Shake Shack cashier for her cheerfulness (2) sent an email commendation to a cab driver’s company (3) left 12 packs of bubbles and sidewalk chalk at 6 neighborhood playgrounds (4) left a lot of coins and some bills in a nearby laundromat (5) left 10 packs of bars of soap and washcloths in various spots in our large train station (6) left 9 12-packs of water bottles at 5 neighborhood city bus stops (7) left 7 handmade dog poop bag holders with 2 rolls each at popular neighborhood dog spots (8) left a basket of pennies at a water fountain popular for making wishes (9) wrote thank you cards to city bus driver, the women who cleaned our home, and the men who collected our garbage and recycling (10) left anonymous “love notes” (each with a glow stick) to all the staff at the school where I worked (11) a ding-dong-ditch of a basket of fun items like silly string, colorful bandanas, bubble guns, sidewalk chalk, etc. at our friends’ house with 4 children where the father was dying of cancer (12) a ding-dong-ditch of a basket of items to encourage healthy weight gain at our neighbor’s house who had been very ill and had told me her doctors were hounding her to gain weight
This is going to make me cry. You are an inspiration!!!
Thank you for sharing your list! Really enjoyed seeing these examples.
How extraordinarily kind and creative! ❤️ Saturday uplift!
These are all so original. I just read your list to my husband. It brought me to tears. The soap, water bottles, playground items, all so thoughtful and I’ve never seen it done. Very inspiring! The glow sticks ! Bits of whimsy plus necessities. Very cool.
This is completely amazing! You are inspiring me (and others, I am sure) to do something similar. Thanks for sharing!
agree, delightful combination of whimsy plus kindness!
i love this idea! i’m going to be 65 in July, so i’m going to write down a list now to start on my birthday, and hopefully finish by the end of the year.
What a gift you are Dawn. I think your mom would be so proud of you. I’m imagining so many others being inspired and passing along this delightful generosity.
That you live so brightly on this planet is a glimmer that we all need in dark times..
Dawn, you are a light. What a kind and thoughtful person you are. I’ve been dreading 46 in a little over a month, but I’m taking this and running with it.
this is just LOVELY.
Dawn, you inspired me to do something better with my birthday, and I did it. My birthday is coming up and I decided to donate more than my birthday age number of new items to a local shelter. Thank you, Dawn, I feel a bit better about my birthday because of your example! You are having an impact beyond your community!
billie, that is so wonderful! love the ripple effect dawn’s kindness is having on everyone xoxo
Dawn this is so beautiful it made me cry. It’s really hard to look around at the world and the US specifically right now and see so many people choosing cruelty. It also often feels like you have to do something huge and effortful if you want to help. But the things you did all create goodwill and community connection which is exactly what we need to overcome the forces of cruelty. We need to feel like our neighbors care about us and they need to know we care about them and that we have each other’s backs and it’s all worth fighting for. I’m going to follow your example and make it a regular life practice. You could do something like this once a week or month or whatever and make such a big difference in the place where you live. Thank you for creating a blueprint for how to make kindness toward one’s community a practice we can all engage in.
All of your comments are filling my heart! It feels so comforting to have a full heart right now. Thank you! Jackie, MLE, and Billie! I’m so excited to hear about your decisions to incorporate kindness missions into your lives. I have no words for how amazing it feels for you to say that my actions inspired you. Jo, thank you again for highlighting my comment. It has been a huge gift. I feel connected to this community even more.
Wow I loved that essay about quitting smoking. What beautiful writing.
LOVE the sliding apology! As a former professional volleyball player, that link was the perfect volleyball x COJ moment I didn’t know I was dying for! For those that might be curious in the slide… we are trained to “dive” across the court in pursuit of hard-to-reach passes. There’s a whole technique around it so that you glide without hurting yourself – when it’s done right, it’s completely painless. Volleyball jerseys are also specially designed so that the logos/numbers on the front are made from non-grippy materials. Facts of the day! Love COJ always.
Apparently, Nishida is quite a stand-up guy, in general. He is quite well-liked.
Michigan friends!!! We are roadtripping our way through Michigan this summer, staying at little lakeside towns and giving our NYC babies a 90s kind of summer vacation, outside, barefoot, sun kissed skin by the water everyday! I do love hole in the wall,local favorite restaurants, coffee shops or cafes, bakeries, ice cream shops, independent bookstores. My husband loves sports and the outdoors (we’re definitely catching a Detroits Tiger game). The kids love fun playgrounds. We as a family also love museums, the arts. We’re into a little bit of everything. We’ll be by Detroit and Dearborn, Saugatuck (close to Holland and Grand Haven), Traverse City, near Sault Saint Marie, near the Pictured Rocks, Torch Lake and finally Isle Royale NP. Any of your suggestions would be most welcome!!
I will closely follow this! We’re going in July with one night in Saugatuck and nine in Traverse City. We’re doing a day drop to sleeping bear dunes, Mackinac island, and Leland. Soooo excited!!
I live right on the Ohio Michigan Border! Your itinerary is great! Dearborn has the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village -which really needs 2 days but is full of incredible history, The Village has the most amazing buildings that Henry Ford started collecting. Detroit is a wonderful evolving city and a Tiger Game is a must. I’ve never been but my grown kids love the Motown Museum and the Detroit Institute of Arts is amazing, Saugatuck is a quaint arty community with lots of shopping and a Chain Ferry that takes you across the river to the beach while the operator pulls on the chain, Traverse City is busy-busy-busy-and is a foodie paradise. For a quieter experience there is Petoskey which is on Little Traverse Bay and has a Gaslight District for local shopping. Sault St Marie has an Irish bar with the best–I mean, the best-fish sandwich but the boat ride through the locks would be great for your kids. The locks lower and raise as the boat goes between 2 Great Lakes and water levels. Isle Royale—lucky you!!!! Never been but hard to get reservations and it is a true paradise away from civilization. They have re-introduced the wolf population. Trust me—Michigan is gorgeous!!!
Michele, thank you so much for your recommendations! In all my research, I hadn’t come across the Chain Ferry. Looking forward to that! The Irish pub in Sault Saint Marie- is it Moloney’s Alley? I’d love to try the fish sandwich! I booked the seaplane and the lodge for Isle Royale back in summer 2025, so I lucked out. I would love to see a wolf and a moose from a safe distance! Heather- we’re also going in July,
I pressed reply too soon lol Heather, we’re also going in July. I hope you have an amazing time!
Highly recommend a day trip or overnight stay on Mackinac Island! And Nauti Cat cruise in Traerse City!
You must see the Diego Rivera courtyard and the new African American wing at the DIA. MUST. I like to stay in Greektown because you can walk to everything from there. The best sandwich you will ever have is at The Cheese Shanty in Fishtown in Leland. Call your order in before 10 am, get the baguette bread, bring cash at noon, and then sit on the dock at the marina or walk down to Van’s beach to eat. Then, stop at Sleeping Bear Dunes Scenic Overlook on your way back to Traverse City and be amazed at the size and beauty of the best of the Great Lakes – Lake Michigan. Last tip: Oval Beach in Saugatuck is the prettiest beach in Michigan.
Chicagoan here – We love Michigan! Love your itinerary and the suggestions. You MUST do Sleeping Bear Dunes. Truly awe inspiring.
In Traverse City and Lelanau County, I highly recommend getting a pretzel bread sandwich from the Fishtown Cheese Shop. Farm Club is an incredible farm-to-table experience—you’re literally dining on a farm—and the gift shop is adorable. Locals tend to head to Van’s Beach or Pyramid Point for the best beach days, and the Sleeping Bear sand dunes are definitely worth seeing. Around here, we jokingly call tourists “fudgies,” so maybe skip the fudge and go for ice cream instead—Moomers is a must. I love to SUP, and there are countless small inland lakes you can explore and jump into for a swim, too.
If you make a stop in Lansing the Impression 5 Science Center is fun for all ages. Visit one of the Cherry Republic stores which are scattered all over the state now. If you’re in West Michigan eat at a Russ’ restaurant. I also recommend trying Hudsonville ice cream while in West MI.
Definitely go to the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village in Dearborn. I also love the DIA in downtown Detroit. Astoria Bakery in Detroit’s Greektown is my stepfather’s favorite spot. I’ve always wanted to go to Sister Pie but we haven’t made it down in a while. Oh – and if you’re in downtown Detroit, you’ve gotta go to Buddy’s Pizza (a Michigan chain, so there’s a few locations) for Detroit style pizza, and go to either Lafayette or American for coney dogs. If you’ve got time for Ann Arbor, Saturday is farmer’s market day, and downtown is walkable and lovely – and Washtenaw Dairy is maybe my favorite ice cream spot in the state. Zingerman’s is always slammed, but it’s an Ann Arbor institution. Depending on the ages of your kids, they might love the Hands On Museum. Oh, and up in the Soo, definitely do the Soo Locks boat tour – loved that when I was a kid.
I love Michigan! Lived there for four years for university (right near St. Joe’s) and spent so much time on the beach in all weather. If you’re going through Ann Arbor, stop at Literari bookstore and leave notes on the typewriter, and get a cup of coffee at Hyperion Coffee down the street. Frita Batidos also has fantastic Cuban food! Also, if you can plan your route such that you pass through Hell, Michigan, it’s exactly the kind of kitschy road trip stop that 90s vacations are made of!
“if you can plan your route such that you pass through Hell, Michigan, it’s exactly the kind of kitschy road trip stop that 90s vacations are made of!” = such a fun insider tip!
Thank you all for your recommendations! These are really the little things that make a trip memorable! I am definitely doing the chain ferry and the nauti cat boat tour (they have a kids one!). The Cuban spot looks delicious and my kids love churros so that will be a treat for them. I am definitely passing through Hell from Detroit to Saugatuck lol! The sandwich spots and the beaches are exactly what I’m looking for on this trip! I can’t wait, thank you!
Woohoo Michigan! I’m a Chicago ‘burbs kid but there’s nothing like Michigan in the summer :) If you are in Traverse, check out a super tiny hole-in-the-wall breakfast/lunch spot called “Frenchie’s Famous.” The owners are a husband-wife couple (side note: they are also my in-laws) and the food is incredible. Service can be slow (they are small!) but it’s worth the wait. Have so much fun!!
Please please please let’s n o t intentionally throw anything not anything into the ocean.
people aren’t actually throwing their phones into the ocean. the poster is really about staying off our phones.
One of my children is extraordinarily literal, to the point where I routinely have to explain jokes to him and he still doesn’t get them, and I always figured he’d grow out of it but huh maybe not
Joanna, I would love for you to feel you have a weekend off to not be bothered to reply to Friday post messages. Bothered as in interrupted because I am sure you’d graciously say it doesn’t bother you to reply. I would imagine at our ages that we would make the literary jump and know no one is going to be throwing phones we’ve paid for, some of them a LOT of paying for, into the ocean. A teo-second Google check to see all references to that type of note would confirm what is implied.
I feel the same way about balloon releases. Please don’t! The balloons might look beautiful but become garbage/litter/pollution almost immediately.
Gosh – that we have the right to … quote. I understand the context and agree with the sentiment but is there anyway we can stop normalizing carrying guns. I too have a right to feel safe and a gun in your hand makes me feel so unsafe. Would it be ok if people walked around with an axe or even a hammer out of context – I think that would make many flinch. Carrying around something that is primarily used to hurt people is not benign. In which context is the possibility of hurting people while going about your day ok? We can still support Minnesota without having to support a right to carry a weapon.
I totally hear your point (and agree!), but she wasn’t promoting gun carrying in her quote — she was speaking out against law enforcement and iCE killings, including the killing of Alex Pretti, who had been legally carrying a gun: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/01/us/alex-pretti-minneapolis.html?unlocked_article_code=1.KVA.70UL.FAkeVPO39B42&smid=url-share here’s a larger excerpt: I’ve been thinking about how we talk about the people who are killed by law enforcement. Our first instinct is to invoke the myriad ways in which the deceased contributed to the world. We talk about their work, their character, their families — this is how we attempt to humanize people killed in such inhumane ways. We have done this for Black people murdered by police, and more recently, we have done this for the men and women who are being killed or injured by federal law enforcement officers. The instinct to humanize the slain is instinctual. It is … human, just like the people for whom we craft these loving hagiographies. It’s a way of trying to make the atrocity of their deaths clear, as if the fact of their humanity is not enough. Because their humanity was not enough to save their lives. But we have to remember that humanity is, always, enough. We have a right to protest, legally carry a firearm, drive while Black, walk in a neighborhood at night, play in a park, sleep in a bed or do anything else whether we are wonderful people, and beloved or not. Nor is citizenship status a factor in whether someone deserves to live. Some of us have forgotten this when making distinctions like “He was a citizen,” as if an American passport makes the killings of Alex Pretti and Renee Good more tragic.
This reminds me of Philando Castile, also from Minneapolis. He was a law abiding, licensed carrier, had a gun in his car, told the officer he had a gun and was licensed, yet was still murdered by a cop.
I understand your concern Sib about carrying guns, at the same time, thank you Joanna for sharing Roxane Gay’s article. I appreciated it a lot, and I feel we don’t talk about it enough. Police and law enforcement shouldn’t have the right to kill, point. The victims shouldn’t need to be exemplary citizens to be able justify their right to exist. Not even if they crossed red lights, or were bad neighbours, or happen to be undocumented (to remember, it’s a civil offence!). We have trials and a judiciary system that are in place to evaluate each cases (if there is even a case), and it should not be a matter of life and death by the hands of any officer.
I framed the pretty pink French version of the Toss Your Phone into the Sea póster and hung it in my living room. Underneath it is a cute wicker basket I call the sea. So when one of my three kids needs screen time permission or something else I can give them only from my phone, they fetch it out of the “sea,” and they can see I deliberately set it there instead of always in my hand or my pocket.
oh my gosh I love that, Leah!
Omg amazing!
This is brilliant! Also, love to see the collective of people who recognize the phone problem. It’s a constant battle that we’re fighting in our household. Ugh, I hate them, and wish I could go back to a dumb phone or even a landline. But my work requires me to have a smartphone nearby at all times.
Tu es brilliante! I was just eyeing the French poster. Doing it!
I love that, Dawn 💚
Cute leopard print shoes? As a cat lover I am in two minds about wearing leopard print: Leopard print in fashion presents a significant disconnect between the high demand for the pattern and the declining welfare of wild leopards, which are listed as vulnerable. While synthetic prints do not directly harm animals, they can normalize the commodification of wildlife and, in some cases, confuse animals in captivity. I am also not sure that a “species royalty” would solve the problem … More here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/03/28/should-leopards-be-paid-for-their-spots
COUNTER POINT: Wouldn’t people thinking that tennis shoes with a very obviously NOT ACTUAL LEOPARD print on them were cute make them feel more affectionate to the animal, leading to less of a disconnect if there were to be a concentrated campaign on the way to affect the declining welfare of animals? Social media is exhausting.
Dose1, your comment reminded me of a wonderful bit in a wonderful all time favorite book. Frank Cottrell Boyce’ Millions, about two young boys who lose their mum to cancer, and then find “millions” in cash. Well, at one point, word gets out that they have MONEY and people start knocking on their door at all hours hitting then up with all of the causes in the whole wide world. Can’t you spare since change for our oceans? The pandas? Wells in Uganda? A scheme to make snow for polar bears….. you get the idea. They are quickly overwhelmed with THE PROBLEMS OF THE WORLD. And the breaking point is WON’T YOU PLEASE THINK OF THE HEDGEHOGS? the hedgehogs???? Why yes, each year, in the UK alone, 3 trillion hedgehogs are hit by cars….. please help us build tiny bridges…… The point, of course, is my gosh, there is A LOT to care about, and maybe not all of it is quite as important as some of it. Anyways, it’s delightful seeing how two young boys try and solve this problem – how to help.
I’m a psych nurse of 34 years I love this – beautiful, thank you for posting!!
Okuuuurrrrr Louise!! Get it!
YES, Louise. 👏🏽
!!
My feelings exactly! Go on with your bad self!!! This dress is truly fabulous!
A friend shared a cool birthday idea…whatever your age, commit yourself to doing that many new things you’ve never done before……try a new class, learn a new skill, cook a new recipe! So far I’ve done a Polar Bear Plunge, discovered iced matcha, tried a cabbage soup recipe even though I didn’t think I was a cabbage person, and read new to me authors….I am 62 years old, so I’ve got many more firsts to try!
Are you a cabbage person now??? I’ve seen so many recipes but I haven’t tried them because… I’m not a cabbage person!
I love this idea!
I love this. I could totally see myself starting this and then promptly forgetting about it ha! That’ll be so fun for you to reflect on at the end of the year.
Alex: I stand by that Smitten Kitchen’s ‘Roast Chicken with Schmaltzy Cabbage’ could make a cabbage person out of anyone; it practically candies itself in the oven. Twas the single best & most satisfying of all the new recipes I tried in those dark pandemic times. It still remains a treasured favorite on the all-star roster!
Jo, Not sure why my previous comment linked to your ex-husband’s name (that was very much not my intent) rather than the commenter by the name of Alex to which I was replying. Apologies!
The smitten kitchen roast chicken and cabbage recipe changed my mind about cabbage! It’s sooo good
This cabbage recipe from SmittenKitchen: https://smittenkitchen.com/2025/04/charred-salt-and-vinegar-cabbage/ had me buying more cabbage than I ever thought I would. At times I only make it and mashed potatoes for dinner, but I don’t combine them like colcannon, we just do what we want on our own plates. And if you’re inclined, cabbage always seems cheaper at Trader Joe’s as you’re buying by the item not pound. Absolutely follow her lead and DO let it get alarmingly charred. Another delicious recipe that I modified from a NYT cooking post was for sauteed cabbage and pasta. Basically saute 5cloves smashed garlic in olive oil, add some red pepper flakes (1/2 tsp or more) then saute 8 cups chopped cabbage to caramelization. Recipes had said 10 mins. That was wildly off – at least 50+ mins for me to get it caramelized. Boil your pasta and then add pasta to the cabbage pan .. optional to add pecorino Romano or vegan parm. I take the backbone of a recipe and go from there, so I may be forgetting stuff – oh it called for anchovies but that’s out for us. Also can top with garlic toasted bread crumbs. With 31g fiber and 16 g protein in the cabbage alone, it’s a nice add to our meal plan. I’m sitting here talking myself into this for dinner tonight.
Phooey I should have said “caramelized” cabbage and pasta vs “sauteed” in my comment – big flavor difference there.
Would really like to hear what Dawn’s 39 acts of kindness were! What a lovely idea!
Carolyn Hax ended her live chat today with this: Have a great weekend, if only out of spite.
I can do that!
Love this! All of my great days will be out of spite!
Has anybody else seen the item about Minneapolis and its residents being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize 2026? Apparently, it’s legit. I want to see the award happen, and for somebody else’s head to explode. The weather is supposed to hit the 70’s tomorrow (we’ve been in cold/snow/mess for a couple of weeks), so I shall be outside, in the dirt, planting last fall’s late-purchase perennials, moving some soil and rocks, and getting sunshine on my face. So ready for winter to go away.
So excited to put Noble Prize nominee on my resume next to 2006 Time Person of the Year
Haha SUNDAYGIRL – this cracked me up
I am reading Meet the Newmans and it is delightful. Can’t put it down. Love the three reader comments! And hope the reader who is heading on her solo vacation has lots of good books and a bottle of sauvignon blanc!
It’s almost midnight here and I needed something to chear me up ! I guess I need to write this down somewhere and share it with the world so bear with me. I’ve been feeling blue all week . My head has been running in cirles because I met someone recently that clearly doesn’t know how to communicate their feelings which leaves me guessing 24/7 . I hate this crushing feeling of not being good enough. Earlier today at the grocery store I remembered what a dear friend told me years ago ” men are just idiots with mustache” which of course made me laugh so hard I had to hide my face. I couldn’t agree more. Cheers to all of you feeling genuinely sad because of an idiot .
Lea, I wish you clearheadedness and self love. No loneliness is worse than the kind you feel when near someone.
I’m feeling sad because of an idiot. I’ve been sad about him for so long that I must be an idiot too…
I’m so sorry for the angst you’re grappling with. I was with a man last year whose mixed messages were such a hit to my nervous system. When things ended, I inexplicably felt relief. Ambiguity is too hurtful. May you stop guessing and find solace, whatever that entails. Hugs. (To Anne, I do keep thinking about that idiot, but rather than us being idiots, maybe we’re just loving and sensitive beings!!)
Lea, my dear, are we talkin’ an *Avoidant*? Oh, the A-word. I wish you more clarity and decisiveness than I ever managed to muster, ha…
Always remember Lea, it takes a. mighty good man to make up for having no man at all.
Lea, your comment hits close to home as I fear I’m often on the other side of the equation. I struggle to communicate my emotions and often don’t even know what they are, particularly when it comes to dating and relationships. I’m working through my avoidance and fear with the help of my therapist because I do want to be in a relationship but this is a good reminder that my avoidance is hurting both me and my potential partners, that mixed messages can be cruel and that’s not how I want to contribute in this world. At work I say clarity is kindness but I want to take that forward to other parts of my life
ah! that cool little poster from Mr. Boddington’s came free (a small one) with my holiday wrapping order, I’ve had it up on my mantel since, love it!
Same! I put it up with our Christmas cards. It’s was lovely reminder.
I finished a major project I’ve been working on for 2.5 months! A tailored jacket with horsehair and a ton of padstitching. My fabric wasn’t cooperative, and it was SUCH a slog at times. I’m so over it that when last night I finished, I wasn’t excited, just flat. This morning however…much more thrilled!
congratulations! it sounds gorgeous!
It sounds amazing.
Congratulations from a fellow sewer! That is amazing. I watched my mom make tailored clothes so know the work and skill that goes into a piece of clothing like that. l haven’t tackled any thing like that yet, but it is my goal.
Pad-stitching! I can just imagine the tailoring. My goodness, you’re further along in your sewing journey than I am. I hope you love wearing it for both its style *and* that feeling of victory that only comes from learning an impressive new skill.
Hurray for the three readers’ comments this week! I’m starting the weekend happy now xoxo
Trump owes us all a sliding apology.
YES, comment of the year
Agree…COTY
OMGAWD. 1000 million percent. First time in years I’ve heard anything with Trump in the sentence and laughed. Thank you.
True, but I would just kick him in the teeth over and over.
Yes, Anna. I want him to slide right into a hole in the ice on a freezing lake. Preferably in Minneapolis.
Our local library organized a painted brick event a few years ago. 100 book covers were painted snd are displayed all over the garden area and as bookends on library shelves. The activity spread to neighboring towns and senior centers. Feels good even now.
What a wonderful column for this weekend. Having just finished our taxes (I’m the freelancer so I get the write offs) and found out the results, I am taking myself to Palm Desert for 4 days!!! My 12 yr old is away on a sleep away science camp trip. My spouse and I have been on very shaky ground for a long time, I’ve been caretaking for multiple people (not just my child) for a long time, and the world news has me on edge and/or in tears every damn day. I believe I have earned time to sit, soak, swim, & sleep alone, and I CANNOT WAIT! bringing too much stuff, books, crafts, favorite snacks & wine, too many colorful outfits, and too many bath oils and gels and I DONT CARE! It’s my time, my car, my room, my stuff, and I have always managed my own damn stuff, as well as other people’s for DECADES. I wish every single COJ reader a warm weekend, with some joy and peace in there. My heart is with Minnesota (2 BFFs are from there and they are badass women). My eyes will be on the mountains and desert, and Bad Bunny. (skipping the actual game, I always do, but gotta see him!).
Anon for now– from one freelancer to another, congrats on finishing your taxes and celebrating yourself! Your mini-vacation sounds perfect for rejuvenating.
God I love this for you! The Palm Desert area (Indian Wells, Palm Springs, La Quinta) is my favorite solo escape, as well! Enjoy!
Anon, this fellow working mom is super proud of your desert get away. Have a fabulous time!
Yay!!!! So proud of you. This hits home so deeply and fills me with allll the feels – you are an inspiration!
Take a walk through Cholla Cactus Garden in Joshua Tree NP at sunriseor sunset. It is so beautiful and peaceful.
My family is headed there in April (for a funeral, but I’m still looking forward). My husband grew up in Palm Desert and Yucca Valley (near Joshua tree). I’ve never particularly loved it, so very different from my home. But this feels weirdly nostalgic. It’s his mom’s funeral, and I’ll doubt we’ll ever go back now. I’m going to try and soak in the desert sunshine and enjoy a date shake and really let myself love the place (if I can) one last time.
We have hunkered down for the Winter Olympics. The opening ceremony and a message of unity and global peace. Excited for every event and story! Messages to welcome and celebrate!! Solo Mio at the movies. Finished Buckeye-wow. Started How to Read a Book and already loving it 70 pgs in. Brunch planned then the half time show and easy fix nibbles then we celebrate my brother in laws 60th birthday late that night, a Special olympics warrior for 25 years!! Stay.cozy!!
I’ve been so curious about How to Read a Book! glad you’re loving it.
How to Read a Book was incredible! I really enjoyed the individual characters and how their lives intersect. Raw, tender, real, unexpected-all the feels.
***If you do not want to read about a heavy topic, please skip*** Hi everyone, the topic is heavy, but the action taken is really helpful so I wanted to share it with you, if you like: I saw something today that I found profound. Ben West is a mental health campaigner in the UK; he lost his brother to suicide and really put his all into it, to help the ones alive who are battling with these thoughts. Here a small intro: https://www.instagram.com/p/DT3SxjPja2G/ He set up a website (very well made indeed) where strangers write „reasons to stay“, you click on the link and you can read letter after letter after letter. https://www.reasonstostay.co.uk/ I — think ?! — I do not know anyone with suicidal thoughts, however I find it extraordinary how we – in this case Ben – always find ways to help others, also complete strangers. Onwards, people, onwards :) Thanks for reading
Gosh this is beautiful. Thank you Charlotte from another Charlotte :)
I’m a psych nurse of 34 years I love this – beautiful, thank you for posting!!
This is such a positive response to such a totally heartbreaking problem. Traditional Jewish and Muslim texts teach that to save a single life is equal to saving all people or the entire world. (I’m sure that other religions have similar teachings.) But you don’t have to be religious to understand that each person has their own individual, irreplaceable spark that can benefit the world. May many be comforted and sustained by reasonstostay.co.uk, letterstostrangers.org (mentioned on reasonstostay). and similar sites.
Thank you, Charlotte. I’ve been struggling with depression for months and reading these letters made me teary, but in a good way.
Dawn! ❤️
Ditto!!