Is This the Sexiest Move You Can Do?

On the flip side, I think it would be funny to have a post about “icks” or “getting the ick.” For those who are unfamiliar, it’s a word/phrase for the dating phenomenon in which one gets an “intense feeling of disgust or revulsion toward a romantic partner, triggered by a minor or trivial action or habit, often causing a visceral gut reaction and loss of attraction.” Sometimes icks can be truly repulsive, but sometimes they come with a hilarious story to back… For example, when in college, a friend of mine went out on a date with a guy. It went fine, but as he leaned in towards her for an embrace, in such a panic that he was going to lay a kiss on her, my shy and awkward friend, bless her, met his open hands going in for a hug with a *double high-five,* leaving them both a bit speechless and stifling embarrassed laughter. She said the look on his face gave “the ick” before the term was even coined. Needless to say, they did not have another date. Haha I still give this friend grief about this date gone sour… she texted me recently to share that she’d gotten a promotion at work (she’s in a male-oriented engineering field), and I just couldn’t help myself, I sent her the little double hands up emoji and said, “Wow, that’s great, double high five!!” I’ll never let her live it down. Haha

rewatching friday night lights right now with my teen son, and there are times when the looks between characters are so smoldering and filled with so much chemistry (hello lyla and tim riggins season one. whoa.) that i wonder if this is appropriate and then i realize it’s just looking! but sometimes that’s the most intense, right?

This immediately brings to mind that classic scene between Mary and George in It’s a Wonderful Life when they are together on the phone. So sexy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PHGs8QmTnM

This is soooo cliche but when my husband is fixing something around the house and his face is scrunching bc he’s concentrating…WHEW! *fans myself off

I’m late to this – but when my husband smiles and the lines around his eyes kick in and then he sees I’m noticing and he responds to me — that’s heaven. mmmm mmmm mmmm

Aaaah there’s nothing like movie scene of two people looking at each other across a room full of people. I watched a lovely little french film last night called “Partir un jour” that’s all about old friends meeting up, with all the feelings that that can stir up, and it was super sexy and moving and nostalgic and melancolic, and the best scenes are definitely of them sort of looking at each other with half smiles. If anyone’s in the mood for a good perimenopausal cry (of the nostalgic variety, not the depressing variety), highly recommend it, here’s the trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enPMDGORmlM. Would love to hear your thoughts

My spouse and I are deeply in love (and have been together 20years). We have been exploring consensual non-monogamy for the past 1.5 years and the deep communication and connection it has fostered is so hot. We love sharing crushes together, talking about fantasies, and getting ready for dates together. I love that we can celebrate being individuals within our committed marriage and I can see him through fresh eyes. Our explorations are not without bumps, but we are committed to always turning towards each other and to do the work on exploring our emotions together. It’s brought layers of richness and delight to our lives that I am grateful for. We have a kid and run a business, so ha, scheduling is hard, but we do it together! I also love that beyond everything we do in service to our family and work, we have something special for two of us.

My most intimate moment of connection was with no eye contact at all. I was helping in my college’s dark room. He was the only student that night, our shoulders almost touching at the developer trays. Just his voice and sparks and a dim red glow.

Related and an OG COJ rec—meet your partner AT the restaurant (as opposed to driving together). My husband and I have adopted this for the past 13 years when we meet at our first date spot every anniversary. Butterflies and sparks! Also candles and new undies!

There’s a reservoir near our house, and once while waiting for my husband to get home from work I decided to walk around it. Three quarters of the way around I locked eyes with my husband coming from the opposite direction – he’d had the same idea. It was *that* scene in 2005 Pride and Prejudice where we held eye contact until we met in the middle and kissed, then he smacked my butt cause that’s our love language, and then we scurried home. ;)

Once in college, my dancer friend took me to her “movement”class where we got partnered up (with a stranger) and did some exercises including one where we had to do any kind of movement around each other while keeping eye contact, and another where we had to keep one point of contact with each other while doing any kind of movement. The guy I was partnered with can attest to the intensity of eye contact as he got a noticeable erection during the exercises. I was a bit flustered, but my seasoned dancer friend said “oh it’s just a body.”

When my partner and I first got together, we decided not to kiss for a while, knowing once we did we’d be a train down a hill, and we needed some time to let our relationship grow…. It didn’t last long though, since our other option was to stare into each others eyes. His eyes are the most beautiful green. It was so intense that one of us would inevitably close them because the tension was too much. Finally I just looked at him one day and said “can I pleassse????” And three hours later we emerged elated.

Well I guess all of us single ladies need to be on the lookout for finish carpenters! Yum.

OG readers may remember an iconic post about how the secret to having more underwear is to buy more underwear. And guess what- it’s been a game changer for 10 years! No advice is too simple!

I have been married for eleven years and I cannot touch my husband most of the time because it’s electric. The only thing I can think of that is “safe” is when we’re out in public and hold hands. I can bear that. But anything more, and we need a bedroom, STAT. We’ve always kind of had this wild passionate thing. I feel very fortunate. And yes, we have kids. And ladies, I don’t know you’re there or have gone through this but OH MY the horniness level when you’re about perimenopause age. Hot damn.

When my husband grabs my face with both his hands for a kiss…omg, SWOON!!

This just made me think of that long Look Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth give each other while she turns pages for his piano-playing sister in the BBC P&P. Gave me goosebumps just typing it! :)

Love this idea, so intimate. My husband isn’t a big fan of physical touch (it’s my love language and he’s very good about indulging me), but he typically doesn’t initiate the hand holding, hugging, etc. But those rare moments when he does?? Such a lovely surprise and puts butterflies in my stomach!

Sylvia Yes, Mickey How do you call your lover boy? Come here, lover boy And if he doesn’t answer? Oh lover boy And if he still doesn’t answer? I simply say…

The Nick Jonas-Priyanka Chopra interview seat pull, hi-five AND the Davos meeting Justin Trudeau-Katy Perry side-check-smile-wink combo is ridiculously sexy/cute/too much depending on my mood.

How about that couch scene in episode 6 of Heated Rivalry? Also…can you do a Heated Rivalry post, Joanna? I need a safe/happy space to talk about it. Thinking this is just the spot. :)

I’m about to share my greatest discovery about men for any single women reading this. Back in the very late 00s, I had this Where The Wild Things Are tshirt. Whenever I wore this tshirt, men would come out from every direction and want to discuss how wonderful the book was, what it meant to them. Even I, the densest woman, could tell that I would have racked up a huge stack of phone numbers if I had given them the greenlight. I was and am married to the person I should be with, but I wouldn’t have minded an extended conversation on the genius of Maurice Sendak with a cute guy for fun in the lonely years before I met my person. I don’t think it’s a coincidence so many guys love Where the Wild Things Are: Maurice Sendak was great at creating a world where, not at the expense of girls, it was fun for boys to express themselves. The body language of all the guys admiring my shirt was the same: warm and happy to know a woman liked a Wild Rumpus (I’m sure all the Sendiacs present get the reference). I feel like social media restricts the greatness of both men and women, disallowing wild tenderness.

my husband was teaching our 3 year old how to wink the other night at dinner and said “see like this” and turned and winked at me across our messy, chaotic dinner table. but, i tell you what, it worked.

I’m less for sustained eye contact (always makes me squirmy and giggly), and more for “makes eye contact a single breath longer than a glance from across the room” – like you are just always finding each other no matter what and want to share the moment.

Makes sense, because I know the opposite to be true: the first thing to “go” when my husband or I are upset is the eye contact. If we’re not looking each other in the eye, we need to air it out! The best thing is when we hear something someone says that triggers an inside joke and we just look at eachother, deeply, and his eye crinkles come out, and I just swoon.

I don’t remember.

It’s dumb, but if my husband is driving it turns me on if he puts his hand on my thigh. Just that bit of casual closeness, something he’s done a million times but it always feels like the first.

Hubs placing my hair behind my ear or washing my hair still gives me love bumps. But looking into his deep brown eyes is where it all started. Blush.

I’m thinking about the scene in “Out of Sight” where Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney quickly glance at each other while he’s in the elevator. Their stare, without talking, says so much about their characters’ intense connection. Sexiest movie for me!

I can remember when “staring contests “ were a popular party game. First one to blink lost. I always won because I love making eye contact with people. I always have and always will. You learn so much about a person just from looking them in the eye.

This immediately reminded me of Performance artist Marina Abramović. She created a piece called “The Artist Is Present” in 2010 at the Museum of Modern Art in New York. She sat there for HOURS and strangers would come and sit across from her maintaining constant eye contact. It was fascinating!

I’ve been cultivating the same kind of smouldering gaze with the girl in the mirror. I sashay and prowl and dance my sexiest in my pink-lit loft bedroom, all while locking eyes with myself in the mirror. It’s been so healing for my relationship with my body, and damn it’s so hot!

Try sharing breath while kissing. With your mouths together, breathe the same breath back and forth. You can only do this 3-4 times before the O2 gets low, then you have to break apart and breathe fresh air.

Ohmygosh this post is so timely. I just dropped off lunch to my husband (who is a finish carpenter) and when he walked out of the home where he is building bookshelves, with his arm hair full of sawdust and his silver hair peeking out from under his hat, I just 100% wanted to jump his bones. And now inspired by this post, I realize the biggest turn-on for me is witnessing him out in the wild. Like, temporarily forgetting you know this person. Watching him laugh with friends across the room at a party, talking measurements and material options on the phone with a client, basically witnessing him as a person living his life, not as my partner these last 25 years and all of the intricacies and complications that work their way in when two people have been together that long. When I look at him from the view as a spectator, all of that falls away and I just see a really hot guy that is living his life and continues to choose me after all these years. That is what makes me want to take his clothes off.

That would be Mr. Wonderful ( it’s a movie).

Haha I love this post! The candle post is amazing, because it very much has that “florals, for spring? Groundbreaking.” energy to it, but at the same time, it’s actually just such a good reminder that candles really help a table feel special! Sometimes you need to be reminded that florals ARE great for spring! Love the staring. Years ago, we had a team-building seminar at my workplace where we had to make eye contact with a team member for 90 seconds. It was supposed to be a way to connect, and well, it was a bit too successful because there was some real sexual tension between pairs, then someone complained and they had to ban the activity from ever being done again haha however, it’s GREAT with partners!

EXHIBIT A: HEATED RIVALRY

Staring into someone eyes’ is up there for me with “tell me something about yourself”. Both feel like forced intimacy.

This is a super time honored tactic (see Andreas Capellanus’ 12th century treatise “De Amore”). Wish I had time to say more!

Ah ! Totally reminds me of this: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html. Prolonged eye-contact is SO intimate! (P.S. I’m also fresh off a breakup but keeping fingers crossed that 2026 brings this kind of love into my life – and yours too, Joanna!)

A few years ago my husband and I were meeting for a concert after work. We ended up on the same train car but far away from each other. All we had was eye contact and smiles for a lot the ride. As it got less crowded we walked up to each other for a giant smooch. SWOON. lol obviously I still think about it!

eye contact is such a hard thing for me as a neurodivergent person. if I do have eye contact with a partner and it doesn’t hurt or feel aggressive then that signals to me that that person is special in some way. Not sure this is a helpful but just to say that I think neurotypical people feel like eye contact is super sexy but for some of us it’s actually quite painful and overwhelming.

There’s a scene in Marvelous Mrs. Maisel where Midge and Lenny Bruce are in a tropical lounge and they’re just staring at each other, and it is quite possibly the sexiest scene in a television series I have ever scene. The first time I saw it my jaw was on the floor.

Well, my first thought is, I don’t have time for this? We hide in the closet from our needy dog and make out :)

1. I don’t really like eye contact. Or overly long hugs. 2. I do like laughter 3. And when my husband fixes things.

AH, what amazing inspiration! I’m writing a movie with some very sexy bits and I am for sure going to put this in. Also, I love doing this with my partner. I’m in an open marriage and my boyfriend recently came to a party at my house where we proceeded to make EYES at each other all night and it was the sexiest thing ever.

My husband and I had chat gpt make like a month long list of sexy activities just for fun. One of the nights started this way and it was SO surprisingly effective. It was a good month!!! Highly recommend using it this way.

Genuine kindness is the sexiest thing I can think of because it is SO RARE and generally only seen in married or otherwise attached men, so, entirely off limits. But I yearn for a kind man of my own… Love your game! One day soon hope to have someone to play it with, lol

Ugh I just got up to face the day and I’m pulled back to morning dreamland. I’m in that delicious middle area where neither of us are in a place to move anything forward but we both know that we’re really into each other, so all we do is look at each other and talk quietly when we can. Slow to the point of madness. I can feel his eyes. Soon maybe.

For me, manners/politeness = sexy