Have a Cozy Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? To be honest, I’m sad because Freddie and I made a hard decision (Big Salad gift link). So, I’m going to visit my cousin and his wife in Pittsburgh, where they promised to make roast chicken and roast potatoes. Their kids are very adorable and will also be pick-me-ups! Hope you have a good one — take gentle care — and here are a few links from around the web…
Photos of people during their lunch breaks.
The secret to being happy in 2026. “This should be the year you stop trying so hard to turn yourself into a better person, and focus instead on actually leading a more absorbing life.” (The Guardian, via Kottke)
Omg, how stunning are these cakes?
Using accents to lessen the tension, hahaha.
The Golden Globes outfits were fun to see; my favorite was Zoë Kravitz’s dress. (NYTimes gift link)
A pattern-happy cottage in Wales.
How great are these ski sweaters?
Field notes from maternity leave. “My professional imposter syndrome is never louder than right after I’ve finished building someone else’s bones from scratch.”
The respect of personhood vs. the respect of authority. It’s important to recognize the difference.
One specific thing for us all to do.
And, importantly, here’s what’s happening in Iran right now, plus a timeline of the protests (NYTimes gift link). And thank you for all the thoughtful comments on this Minnesota post. Sending so much love.
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Kathleen on Minneapolis: “As an American in a different state, I feel grateful for the bravery of the people of Minnesota, the way they are taking care of each other and standing up to the tyranny. Their refusal to shrink, to give up their neighbors — they give me hope. Thank you, Minnesota. We are standing with you, and we are grateful for your example.”
Says Caitlin on what was the last meal you ate before giving birth: “The last thing I ate before bed the night my contractions started (on my due date!) was a piece of cookie cake I had made. The cake was frosted with the letters GTFO. It worked.”
(Photo by Dany Fly/Unsplash.)
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Comments
96 commentsI looked at the J Crew link and then clicked over to the Instagrams for some of the Olypmic ski and snowboard people. Holy cow- they are amazing!
I’m sorry too. It probably doesn’t help … but stay safe and …
Sending so much love. I’m so sorry you’re going through this – breakups suck! Take gentle care and do something extra nice for yourself.
I’m so sorry, Jo! Break ups suck. Make sure to take care of yourself! xoxo, Katrina
Sending you love and comfort Jo.
I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup – decisions like that are wise but so sad. I loved the poem you shared, thank you. Another great one I’ve turned to during heartbreak is Love After Love by Derek Walcott. And don’t forget how healing music can be, singing along to sad songs can be so cathartic. Your boys are going to be so lucky to have a mom who can empathise so honestly as they move into adolescent years of big emotions around lost connections. Sending you huge soft hugs from Canada.
Love After Love was such a touchstone for me after my divorce- it remains one of my favorite poems.
I’m so sad to hear about you and Freddie. Your sister’s plum poem is absolutely THE best. Believe, Dear Sister.
Appreciate you gently pushing attention to what’s most important. Thank you
Sad for you to hear about your breakup but it sounds like a very healthy thing to do. It was lovely that you both shared so much, including about the breakup – we all need to see more healthy, real life relationship models, maybe even especially when they head south. Thank you both. Those cakes are works of art – wow, it takes a lot of skill to successfully pull of abstract. And in CAKE?!? The respect of personhood vs. the respect of authority – I LOVE hearing intelligent analysis, especially from a female voice. Like this one too: EXCELLENT interview basically about how to be a more effective Democrat: https://www.newyorker.com/video/watch/the-radio-hour-jennifer-welch-host-of-the-podcast-ive-had-it-goes-dark-woke-the-new-yorker-interview Lastly, I don’t understand how anyone can live on under $20 an hour in LONDON. After National Insurance that would mean their rent would need to be around max $500 (if rent is the standard of 1/4 monthly income. I know standards are trying to normalize 1/3 monthly income as a guideline but that is then a really shitty quality of life. It is meant to be 1/4.) What can you rent in London, or anywhere, for $500? They must be living with someone who pays the rent for them or else be forced to share? And I can’t imagine there are any two bedrooms in London for $1000.
Londoner here – of course we share! Minimum/living wage has not been enough for someone to live alone on in London for years. Also, rent being even 1/3 monthly income is getting less and less likely.
Sending so much love your way as you navigate this next phase without Freddie. I’m also going through a breakup and it is rough! I get strength from knowing you had the resolve to do it, and also from my teenage niece who recently broke up with her first boyfriend. Cheers to having open hearts and loving even though it leads to loss.
aw, sending you a big hug!
The Plum poem was so beautiful. I’m navigating the grueling road of IVF and this poem was what I needed to read today. Some days it feels like my goal of having a child is unattainable. Thank you for sharing. I’m sending you so much love as you grieve this breakup. Take gentle care of yourself.
Breakups are so hard. For me, it took a lot of time to reimagine my future without my first love. May your heart heal a little bit more with every loving text from friends, hug from your kids, and glimmer of beauty to be found in your Brooklyn walks. <3
Sending love and a big hug Joanna. That plum poem that your sister sent is just so beautiful!
Sending big hugs and I feel a bit weird to he thinking of you. You share so much of your life with all of us, I suppose it just happens after a decade or so. Right now you deserve to have all the feelings. I spent my twenties bouncing from relationship to relationship. It’s all so difficult and heavy. I’m married and it’s still hard but in a different way. Perhaps you are not ready for a platitude so take this with a grain of salt. On the other side of all that pain, I promise there is a tremendous opportunity to growth and development, if only we can do the hard work of truly healing. You will find your way again. Of that I am certain. development.
As a single mom dating, I’d love to know more about the communication road block. If you’d care to share.
Sending you extra thoughts of solidarity from Paris, love always
Bummer! Can only focus on your breakup now. I semi-broke up with my boyfriend around the same time, for probably very different reasons. We worked on mending it, time will tell if we did the right thing. But I cried and cried and was so miserable at the thought of not having him in my life. The pain was so unbearable. Not sure if I love him the same, maybe not…I’ll report back soon… meanwhile, be strong and keep tabs on yourself.
Very sorry about your news. Thank you for the links. From the how to be happier in 2026 link: “But life offers no prizes for being so good at delaying gratification that you accumulate a thousand uneaten marshmallows, then drop dead. At some point, you’re going to have to eat a marshmallow.” I’ve always loved that marshmallow study and am super convicted by this all the same.
Jo, you created the most wholesome corner of the internet and I wish you could feel how much we care for you. Keep your strength and your perspective and take gentle care of yourself in this hard moment. Hope the boys give you extra warm hugs and that a lovely dog is coming your way.
I am so sorry, Jo. Sending love from Lagos.
I’m so sorry to hear about your break-up, Joanna. I hope you’re feeling held by the incredible amount of people who love you. I am sure that you’ll find the relationship you’re looking for. You are brave and kind, and you show up. I loved the poem. 💛
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That sounds so difficult. I’m separated from my daughter’s dad and finding that so hard. I’m also seeing someone new but that’s complicated and doesn’t seem to be working. I’m terrified of being alone and so worried I made a mistake ending my relationship with my daughters dad. Had anyone else had regrets like this? So sorry for your breakup Jo x
Why’d you break up?
Unfortunately spending time alone is probably the answer to your feelings.
I understand your fear of being alone and second guessing yourself, Steph. This is the moment, right after the breakup, when you feel the most self doubt, the most uncertain of your decision. But I also know from experience that if you know in your heart of hearts that it was the right thing to do in the long run (not the immediate but the long run), then your doubt will fade over time. It will be replaced by certainty. You’re in that moment that emotionally feels like when your leg falls asleep and you stand up and can’t take a step forward but also can’t sink into the chair you just left. It’s all so wobbly. But it’s also totally normal to feel wobbly right now! Be strong. Take one day at a time. And suddenly you will realize you no longer feel wobbly. But the beginning is the worst. Empowerment comes over time. You can do it. You are doing it!
Breakups are an exquisite kind of pain. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. In the words of a wise and hot priest, “It’ll pass.” While it’s brutal right now, your story is still unfolding, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment. Sending love your way.
I’m so sorry :( Christine Pride’s recent essay is so helpful- I keep going back to it. Hope you can indulge in something that feels good.
Greetings from the future :) I married a man I love deeply…but our communication style is flawed. It has been for the 15+ years we’ve been together. I knew it for all the years we dated, even the day we got engaged. As someone whose been having the same argument for over a decade, who can feel her personality get chipped away year after year … you’re doing the right thing. Some people are wonderful, but just not wonderful for you. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I should’ve been brave enough to do what you’re doing now… You’ve got this.
Me too, Katrina. 15 years married and I don’t regret that decision because we created the two best kids in the world (our second is only 6 months old after years old secondary infertility). But now my life is in front of me and I feel like I’m losing my soul each day. So unsure of what to do, and when to do it.
So sorry to hear. We here on the internet watch from afar, rooting and hoping for you. I’m rooting and hoping for my own life and love, and I wish you daily snippets of joy amidst the sorrow.
I’m so sorry, Jo. You know people all around the world, whom your posts have so generously helped, made laugh and cry and feel connected, are thinking about you and wishing you more than well, but the best.
Exactly this.
Yes, exactly this. Have been sending love your way since my eyes first laid eyes on your intro note saying you were sad after making a hard decision:( I hope you can feel all the love and support from all over the world xo
Something fun and lighter that warmed my music loving heart during a wknd snowfall. MTV has been saved in an unexpected way..and this is early days. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/14/arts/music/mtv-rewind-video-database.html?unlocked_article_code=1.FVA.DYuu.mdqGJv9MUIgg&smid=url-share https://wantmymtv.vercel.app/player.html
Just spent way too long watching mtv2 – i miss music videos! Thanks for the rec
Love, here we are again after years of reading you, holding your hand and looking for what’s next in our life. Eat well, treat yourself, be consistent with your skin routine and let us hold you. Do not text him, you’ll be cheerful again. Lots of love from Barcelona.
I’m sorry Johanna about your break up with Freddie and I understand how difficult it is to stay no-contact with someone you used to share your life with. Stay strong and know that Spring is on its way and that even if it’s hard to picture it now, you’ll feel light and happy again.
You are so lovable, Joanna! You will be loved again and you will love again, too. Until then, know that your community is with you and that everything will be okay in the end.
So sorry to hear about you and Freddie. I admire you for ending the relationship when you still have strong feelings. You follow your guts and you are right to do so. You deserve to have it all. Take gentle care of you xxx
Jo, so sorry you are going through a hard season. But also feeling happy for you that you know what you need now and are able to decide when things aren’t right. It is painful but ultimately you are becoming the person you are meant to be. Sending you lots of love from Ireland. ❤️
Sending you the biggest hug Joanna.
Sorry to hear of your break with Freddie. It was great to hear you so happy, and I know you will find love again. When it feels hard, I remember my mom quoting an old song — “you got along without him before you met him, you’ll get along without him now.” Sounds harsh; but makes sense. Sending love to you.
Jo, good for you for identifying a sticking point, working on it, and realizing that its persistence was a dealbreaker. I’m sorry for the sadness and wishing you much joy to come.
Sending you love and caring from my neck of the woods in the Pittsburgh area ( Oakmont) – it’s the #24 anniversary of my very first date meeting my husband on Match.com. So it can happen.Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for this space to connect and share with so many women ❤️. You do good things Joann, and we see and value you. This website has been my “feel better” emotional blanket, that I have wrapped around me many times when I needed comfort. I have your BIL book – my career in the medical field still continues since 1984 and his message was so inspiring to me.
I am so sorry. Healing and peace to you both of you sweethearts
Wanted to send virtual hugs and say it is so generous of you to be so open with your readers, and to also make sure that events in Minnesota are getting the attention they need while you work through a hard and sad personal development. Hoping for positive next phases for you AND our whole community!
Send you all the best in this time of change. Thank you for making this space both real and a balm. It’s a hard balance I imagine and I’m grateful for all you do
Even when we’re so grown up, it just hurts. Wishing you a lot of warm shoulders and delicious, potatoey meals, until the day when…. Spring arrives.
Dear Joanna, thank you so much for sharing all of this. It means so much to me. My first relationship after my divorce ended in September (we were together about as long as Freddie and you) and somehow it means so much to me that someone else is having a similar experience. Hang in there – it gets better! But to be honest – it’s a tough one. I wish you all the best!
Nooooooo! Gah. You learned to love after divorce, which is really hard. I hope you spend time LOVING your singledom. I had a good run before I got married. I LOVED being single. I loved making pies, kissing my dog, reinventing the living room, eating whatever I wanted any time, sleeping alone. It’s the summer of George! Enjoy it, friend.
The summer of George!!!
So sorry to hear about your breakup with Freddie. I can tell you all have a deep connection— the fruit salad story was the sweetest. Sending love!
Joanna, so sorry you’re hurting now. I hope you can rest and dip into the comforts you need. Know that even though it feels lonely in an intense insurmountable way now, you are not actually alone. You’ll feel joy and connection again. You’ll find the earth beneath your feet again soon. I’ve been reading your blog since high school (now 34) and I’ve never commented but the last couple weeks I sensed a shift in what you weren’t saying and I was hoping you’d turn toward this community when you were ready. Strange to feel so connected to people I’ve never met, but I’m grateful this space exists. You made this!! How special is that?
Thinking of you and so sorry to hear about your break-up with Freddie. It sounds like you both really worked on your relationship, and sadly, sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. I have been reading Cup of Jo for YEARS!! And I have learned so much from your blog posts. Thank you! Being that you live in New York, I completely understand why there are so many reference to NY places, but I am so happy to see that you are in my hometown (Pittsburgh) this weekend!! I’m sure your relatives have great recommendations, but please reach out if I can be of any help. I’m a small independent retailer who lives in the Shadyside neighborhood.
Also in Pittsburgh and was so excited to read Joanna is in our city this weekend!
Oakmont/ Plum girl here. Hope Joann finds some peace and love in our neck of the woods this weekend. Keeping her in my ❤️
So Iran has a regime, and the U.S has what, democracy? The people of Iran are on the street putting their lives on the line to change/ stop the regime, and what are we doing in the U.S- sending love from the other states and announcing “solidarity”? How many of us took/ stayed on the street for Nicole Renee Good? How about the immigrants? The people of Iran, Srilanka, Bangladesh, Yemen, Sudan, Vietnam didn’t call someone to stop the murders and destruction. If the live streamed murder of a mom doesn’t mobilize us, I don’t know what will. What we let continue will continue.
I think people are doing a lot. It’s the complacent congress who continues to do nothing really. (Except for a few). We are under extreme duress in this country and we are in a state of lawlessness. Yet congress is doing nothing of any magnitude. They’ve sat by this whole time while our country dies. There has to be an emergency measure to be taken if the vice president is just as evil and won’t invoke the 25th.
This
I can only speak for myself, but the tone of this comment doesn’t spur me to any action. It’s something I would scroll by, feeling little guilt ignoring because I don’t need to be shamed by a stranger on the internet who also isn’t offering any concrete examples of what would be better to do.
As an Iranian and a Jew I am deeply sad right now. I do wish there was some mention on this blog about what the brave citizens of Iran are dealing with en masse. It is brutal, it is terrible, and I know the anti-zionist bots want you to think Iran is somehow different, but it’s just as much a terrorist regime as Hamas. Please spread some love to the brave women in Iran.
I don’t really understand this comment—this site regularly voices political views, concerns, reader check ins, and provides avenues for action. The Minnesota post has hundreds of people in the comments listing the actions they’re taking, in MN and elsewhere. I am very involved in an ICE watch rapid response group in my also hard hit city, and reading a comment like this from someone who doesn’t even list the actions they’re taking themselves is frustrating. For those looking to take more action: ICE Watch groups often have bike crews or school patrols that are out in the cold almost daily—even if you’re not able to participate regularly, asking organizers if you can drop off food or coffee would be so appreciated. Mutual aid groups everywhere are trying to care for neighbors who are immigrants whose lives have been turned upside down. The antidote to despair is action, and I think we don’t talk enough about how the world actually feels less scary and more communal if you even take small actions regularly. We don’t need to act out of guilt or because someone yells at us online—we can act out of love and care and find other people just doing their best at a hard time. Action feels good!
Sending lots of care your way, Jo. I admire your openness is sharing about this relationship, and I admire you for knowing when it was time to let it go. In my work with as a therapist, I talk a lot with folks in their 20s about how they were raised to believe LOVE IS ENOUGH! If only, right? Take care of your tender heart. I’m glad you have so much support.
Oh, now I want to sit with you and really get you explain in detail what you just said in that brief comment!
ANEN, I am not Laura the Therapist above but what I *think* she meant re: “love is enough” — the rom-coms would have us believe that “love conquers all” and that if there is enough wild passionate love between two individuals, then the rest (communication, lifestyle/geographical preferences, family ties, how many kids you want?!) simply doesn’t matter. “It will all work out, because we LOVE each other” *heart eyes*. And that’s all fine and dandy until real life comes calling (…communication, job offers, moving, family needs help, are we having kids?, is someone staying home with those kids?, etc.).
so sorry you’re going through a breakup. that’s hard stuff. you have such a talent for creating community and friendship, and it sounds like you’re leaning on that. thank you for all you do for everyone, and my wish for you is to take extra time to care for yourself in this new year. always excited to see where life takes you and where you take us with your lovely blog.
Jo, I am struck by what a lovely, kind, gentle – on yourself, open piece of writing your Big Salad post is. I hope that drafting it and sharing it both helped you through this experience. I am sure it must feel tough and tricky and complicated but I love the way you were able to weave the threads of meaning together to create what you’ll remember of (this phase of?) the relationship. I also want to say, as a side note, that I grew up in a fairly emotionally closed/ tight-lipped family and as I get older (and parent my own two boys), I am newly honored when people allow us to witness their downs as well as their ups, the sadness as well as the happiness, the uncertainty as well as the confidence. It feels like an assist as I sketch out my own road map of understanding and modeling healthy emotions. So, thank you for that. We are thinking of you!
Love this comment
Couldn’t put it any better x
Beautifully said, and I commented to echo these sentiments. Grateful for this online community whose openness and shared wisdom has helped me feel less alone when dealing with personal challenges. Would love to see more posts and conversations about relationship issues and how others navigate them!
Sending a ton of love your way Joanna. This has got to be so hard.
Those cakes took me through the full range of emotion. Everything from joy to disgust to anger to elation. I guess that is art?
Haha, this is my favorite comment on “art.” That’s all.
Haha! I would not want to eat the cake that looks like it has paint on it! Lol. Very cool looking cakes, though. What talent!
Sending you good wishes at a tough emotional point. You always share your life milestones so beautifully and we all appreciate you doing so. Hope you have a restorative and healing weekend.
We love you Jo!!!!
Sending you a huge hug.
Sending hugs, Joanna. Letting go when there’s so much love and gratitude is such a strange bittersweet pain, isn’t it? Soak up all those small comforts x
I’m so sorry about Freddie. Glad you had some time with your dad, with his arms holding you steady and close <3
I’m excited to get up on Saturday morning; I pour myself a cup of jo, then I sit at my computer while everyone else is still asleep, and I read Cup of Jo’s weekend round up and any post I might have missed, and play Connections and do the Mini, which is bigger on Saturday. I try to do it under a minute everyday, but give myself 2 minutes for the Saturday’s Mini. I think my brain is fully awake after all that! Sorry about you and Freddie…
I’m so sorry Joanna, I’m sending many virtual cozy hugs to you! It was clear from your beautiful writing about dating and falling in love with Freddy how courageous and special it can be to open yourself up to love another human. I will never forget when you wrote about the end of your marriage, how it doesn’t feel like a failure. I had never considered it that way before but I 100% agree and think our world would be a gentler place if we all focused more on honoring the beautiful people and writing and adventures (and art!) we create while we’re loving one another 💗
What a brave decision–sending lots of love. Thank you for always not shying away from sharing the bad and the good.
really sad you broke with Fred, he seemed to me so a sweet and rare person from your articles.Perhaps you ll get together again but “dont text him!” Loved the dresses of Amal Clooney and Cathy Bates very much
as someone who is also going through a painful breakup, it really doesn’t help to hear “maybe you’ll get back together”. A gf said this to me, I understand she meant well, but it hurts.
Dear Jo, you have a kintsugi heart, one that has gone through life’s joys and downs, at times filled to bursting and at times broken. The cracks that appear? They are run with threads of gold from your own inner strength and beauty, welded by the love and warmth of people who love you, they are right next to you and from all nooks of the world. Trust in your own knowledge that your heart will be more beautiful than ever.
What a beautiful (and true) comment.
Aw Jo 😢 I hope you’re being extra gentle with yourself. That’s so very tough. Sending kind wishes your way xox
Hope you’re being extra gentle with yourself, Jo. That’s so very tough. Sending kind wishes your way xox
So sorry to hear Joanna, big hugs!! I predict you will have a glamorous and exciting chapter with a dashing older man ahead next and everything will work out magically ✨😘
I’m so sad, Jo💔 I’m really sad. Big hugs from Russia🫂
Thanks for featuring the Dusty Knuckle, our local bakery in Dalston, London!
Oh my gosh Joanna, we can feel the tenderness in this post. Sending you so much love through the hard days. Thank you for giving this community so much care.