Have a Beautiful Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Tonight the boys and I are watching Ferdinand, and tomorrow Freddie and I are going to the candlelit Aire Ancient Baths. Have you ever been? We went once and loved it so much, we decided to make it kind of like a Christmas gift to each other each year. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Our 2025 Best of Everything issue. I really, really loved this. (Big Salad gift link)
These satin pants would be perfect for New Year’s Eve, and I’d love to wear this cool outfit all winter.
Will you see Will Arnett and Laura Dern’s new movie, Is This Thing On?
When does a divorce begin? “When my daughter gets out of the car at the airport she vomits, pasta and strawberries plummeting undigested toward her shoes. I place my hand on her forehead; she feels warm; I turn to my husband and say, ‘Maybe we shouldn’t go tonight.’ It’s just before Christmas, and my two children and I have tickets for a 9:00 p.m. flight from Los Angeles to New York. For several weeks my husband has vacillated strangely on the matter of whether he’s coming with us, even though in twelve years together we’ve never spent the holidays apart. When I say, ‘Maybe we shouldn’t go tonight,’ he turns pale and scrubs his hand across his mouth, a gesture I recognize as a personal tell that he’s hiding something. I will later describe this as the moment my marriage ends, but in fact it ends roughly five minutes later when, holding my daughter’s hand and pushing my son in his stroller, their backpacks dangling from the crook of my arm, I walk into the terminal alone.”
Red and green flags according to protagonists of Hallmark Christmas movies, hahaha.
These gorgeous, forever-sold-out shoes are back in stock!
I’m tearing through this book and cannot believe it’s a true story.
The best book covers of 2025. (NYTimes gift link)
Will you make a paper chain this season? (Vogue)
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Tracey on decoration guilt: “If you’re not a perfect parent, just imagine your child in the future, they are thirty, at Christmas. They are imperfect, and they are comfortable. They are doing things they enjoy and celebrating others doing the same. They find meaning in people, not things and rituals that aren’t right for them. They are fully formed human beings. They are content with enough. And they are this way because you taught them that more is not more when it comes at the expense of a healthy mind. That relationships matter more than the good china or the burnt turkey. Model it. What you practice, you permit; so make sure to practice self-acceptance.”
Says Lynea on soup group, seven years later: “My friends’ ‘queer family dinner’ is our Sunday ritual, no strings attached. Host cooks the main, everyone else brings sides — or not. If showing up is all you can muster, see you at 7, babe. If you can’t make it, no problem, we’ll be thinking of you. Sometimes we’re all back home by 8:30, sometimes we’re chatting ’til 10. This weekly tradition has kept me warm lately.”
Say Ella on fun holiday coupons: “Laughing out loud at the truth of ‘getting to stand in your sister’s room for two minutes without being annihilated’ as the ultimate gift.”
(Photo by tawatchaiprakobkit/Unsplash)
Comments
95 commentsI love the first reader comment. I had big plans for christmas yesterday in my corner of the world, with the agenda and feast mapped out. My son ended up with a high fever and was extremely out of it so all plans went out the window. We spent the day napping on the couch and dinner was the Christmas ham my husband made, and that is it, enjoyed by us two adults over our sleeping child. We opened gifts as he was awake, not all at once. I hope this instills in him a belief that things can be perfectly imperfect, that being together is the most important thing, and that loving and caring for one another matters more than the perfect traditions.
Ooh I’ll watch anything with Will Arnett! Maybe it’s the voice. Flaked, Blades of Glory, even SmartLess podcast when I don’t even enjoy them.
Thanks for all of the great links! I’ve searched on the site, but can’t find something I’m sure I read here a while back. It was about paperwork that should be filled out just in case. Not a will, but other information that your loved ones should know. I wanted to share this with my mother and didn’t save the link.
Oh yes! Everplans — it’s a site where you put in all your life info (where your will is, what bank accounts and credit cards you have, etc). It’s great, I have my filled out and my parents and sister have access to it.
In response to Elise, we had a similar situation last year with my FIL., and I remember from middle school when my own Grandpa was ill that the hardest part for me was the uncertainty of it all. (Probably that mixed with all the hormones of puberty!) So when my FIL went to ICU, we had very candid conversations with our daughters about how it we hope he would make a full recovery and it is possible, there all also other possible scenarios that aren’t so good. And life is uncertain, so our job is to love him and each other as best as we can through it all. We took them to see him often and I think that helped too. Kids are smarter and more resilient than we sometimes think they are. Above all else, best wishes for healing to your MIL and to all of you as you navigate the holidays in a different way than you’d imagined. ❤️
On the subject of hot water. Our kind in laws gifted us their hot tub. It lives in our garage, which is….a choice. Lol. But, honestly, it’s been amazing. My husband has a genetically bad back, and I have a genetically bad everything, and my gosh, the moment you just sink in to that bubbling 102° water. It’s delightful, especially in the winter. It’s always available, free with a slightly higher power bill, don’t have to deal with anyone, we have twinkle lights, fans, music, a fridge nearby full of cold drinks, and we hop in naked. Such a small thing, but truly, life is so good with that silly thing. Hot water is the best therapy.
I don’t have a hot tub but I do love my hot baths! Someday I hope to get a wood fired hot tub. You are right there is something about that hot water that is so therapeutic! Your setup sounds lovely even if in a garage. :)
I love everything about this
Twinkle lights? Music?? A fridge filled with cold drinks??? So good!!
Friends used to have a “fancy” hillbilly hottub in Hawaii: Galvanized steel horse trough from the hardware store, resting on a decorative platform with a firepit underneath to heat the water. A teak slat liner on the inside of the tub and you were good to go for hot tubbing under the stars in an eco friendly way – no fiberglass and plastic of regular hot-tubs.
I (we) lost our beloved dog, Agnes yesterday, We did an in home euthanasia and it was dignified and so peaceful but IDK what to do without my constant companion. I have 2 other dogs who are confused and emotional, 2 horses, a cat, and 9 chickens to care for, yet the house is so quiet. She got me though one of the hardest times of my life and today I am steeling myself to take my first shower alone in almost 13 years. She was ALWAYS on the bathmat waiting for me to finish. The comment section here is giving me happiness and for that I am so grateful.
I’m so sorry Melanie. There’s not much that makes it better. However long we get, it’s never long enough. I’ve lost 6 dogs now, as an adult. In big and small ways, I still feel their presence, every day. On hikes I will call my two who are with me now….. and then silently call the others and close my eyes and hear each of their unique paw sounds and barks. I don’t believe in an afterlife or God or anything like that. Yet, I deeply know that somehow they’ll all be there waiting for me. It just doesn’t seem possible that they won’t be. I’m imagining Agnes patiently waiting for you, and watching over you in the meantime. Hugs.
I’m so sorry, Melanie! I lost my dog this summer and sometimes am still struck with just wanting him to be here. Especially right after, but even still, I get some comfort from envisioning his presence keeping me company — walking along beside me (I also do this for my grandparents). What a lucky dog to have had you taking care of it.
Gosh, this is so visceral. You will lose that pup in a million ways in the next few years. Every first stings, but then the memories come. You will see a young pup that you swear is your dog’s twin and you remember. I am four years in and have this vague love for my boy. I kind of can’t remember him perfectly which saddened me at first. But now he just feels kind of cosmically all around. Little specks swirling. I can’t pin him down, but I can feel him all the same. Love to you and your menagerie as you mourn your girl. Ps. I commissioned an illustration of my boy and I adore it. I was gifted normal portraits of him but this illo is a papercut of him belly up in the sun, loving himself sick and it’s the best representation of him. Just an idea. Xx
Holding love and tenderness in my heart for you, Agnes, and the rest of your family, Melanie… ❤️ May the feeling of Agnes’ loving companionship stay with you.
Late to read this, Melanie, but wanted to send condolences on the loss of your beloved Agnes. Grief from losses like these surround us for so long it seems. Grieve as long as you need to, and never feel you need to be done because of what anyone says. The loss is a deep one. It sounds like you were the human mom she needed for her full life and humane passing. Sending love 💕
I’m going to think of Agnes as I step out of my own shower, in Melbourne Australia today. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It makes so much sense for the loss of our beloved pets to cause such deep grief. They are part of our everyday. They are always present, giving unconditional love. To be honest, the grief of losing our last dog felt so much more CONSTANT than even when a relative passes, who lives far away. It’s hard to describe to those who haven’t experienced it. But now, years later, we do talk of him with more smiles than tears. However, now I’m terrified of something happening to our current dog. The cost of love!!! But oh, so so so worth it. Sending you love!
Oh my gosh, I am in tears. I finally took my shower today and I cried and it was hard but I just tried to imagine her tiny little self sitting there waiting for me. My husband and I are both just bereft right now, it’s hard to imagine how much that little 18 pound dog added to our home. Our other dogs are a little emotional as well. Agnes just helped me wrap gifts last week and today I had to finish that task alone. Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful words and reminders that she will always be with me. <3
The comment on the imperfect parenting basically happened last time my mom was visiting. We were sitting at a coffee shop and I was asking how she pulled it all off as a working mother of three. She said “I think you guys remember me being better at it than I was,” and I told her that was not at all the case. I know our house was often messy and dinner was often from the freezer and we were oh so busy all the time BUT. My parents raised three children who love them and each other and have each built our own imperfect but happy families. That is what success looks like and I try to emulate that everyday.
This is really beautiful Kelly. I hope your mom sees it.
Is there something like Aire in Los Angeles? That’s my dream but I can’t seem to find anything like that. I know there are amazing Korean spas but that’s not exactly what I’m looking for.
Are you sure there isn’t an Aire location there? They have them in several cities
I believe they’re trying to open an Aire in DTLA!
I love that your older boys are watching Ferdinand. I feel like you’ve watched it before? 8 and 11 yo here and movie nights are a mix of age levels. Jo – have you done Princess Bride yet? We really want to, but I’d be bummed if some of the humor was lost on the kids. Trying to figure out when to introduce some of the “classics” to our gang.
Mary, I have a 7 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. My son wasn’t into The Princess Bride, but when it ended, and the heroes were riding off into the sunset, my daughter yelled, “again, again!” And my daughter didn’t like The Goonies, but after it was over, my son said, “thank you for sharing that with me. It’s the best movie I’ve ever seen.” (Wait til we watch Stand By Me, kid!)
My kids are 7 and 9 and I feel like we’re just getting into the sweetspot of watching all my old favorites. They love Beethoven, Air Bud, and last night we watched George of the Jungle. All so good!
I loved A Marriage at Sea. The character’s ability to hold hope gave me a new perspective on religion. That maybe it’s just a way to practice believing in seemingly impossible stories. It feels impossible at times that we will get through grief, or times of hardship or when it comes to achieving our dreams, and maybe if we have practice believing in impossibilities it makes it a little easier when we need to dig deep for hope in our lives.
Hey friends, recently there was talk in the comments about the best bowl to eat out of. I can’t find the comments now but really want to keep my eye on those bowls. Can anyone remind me which ones they are? Thanks!
Not sure if they’re what you’re thinking of, but I was one of a few who sang the praises of East Fork coupes
I think East Fork coupes. They are amazing. Heath Ceramics make equally wonderful coupes. You will not regret either.
Jered’s Pottery also makes beautiful and convenient bowls! Saw them in person at a market and fell in love. The colors are amazing.
At what point do you break the news about the tooth fairy to your kids? My oldest is turning 11 in a month and either still believes or just hasn’t told us that he doesn’t. Same for Santa, the Easter bunny, etc. I’m kind of feeling like I should tell him?
He knows! For littles, we tell our toddlers “They’re a real story” and that seems to go down just fine.
It’s been my experience that they figure it out on their own. No need to tell them anything. And here’s a pro tip: never, ever save a tooth the TF has collected from under the pillow. Toss them immediately! There are few things more disgusting than having a jar of baby teeth in your panty drawer.
My then-11-year-old asked me last year if Santa was real, and I told her the truth. She refused to believe me. I think it depends on the kid. I believed until Santa didn’t get me anything when I was 12. Apparently we’re an “ignorance is bliss” group.
Chances are they know but they don’t want the gravy train to stop. My sister tried to hold out on telling our parents until she was 12 or so (as the youngest she didn’t want the gifts to stop for everyone or herself), though she had long stopped believing.
(covers ears and runs away screaming) Pantyyyyyy…nooooooo….
Just want to offer a different perspective so you can be prepared for all possibilities. I would argue to particularly be prepared if you have a highly sensitive/ND kid. I really, truly didn’t know until my parents told me around that age and I was absolutely devastated. My poor parents weren’t prepared at all. I had heard other kids say Santa wasn’t real, but I didn’t want to believe that I had been deceived. I cried my way through that first Christmas and disliked Christmas and Easter for many years. I think it would have helped a great deal if my parents told me at a time more separate from the holidays. A July day with no lost teeth would have been better for the conversation. As well intended as all the versions of “it’s real because it’s a beautiful story” might have been, they weren’t helpful as a child processing my sadness and anger. I needed someone to validate my feelings (my parents, to their credit, quickly figured this out!). Another argument for telling your child far from Christmas is that, if your child has a huge sense of loss, you have time to plan some new traditions to distract from what was lost. But I also think it’s important to let your child step back from Christmas and Easter for some time if they need. My final thought comes from speaking with other adults who processed the loss the same way and came from religious families. If you are religious, be prepared for your child to question their faith. You are telling them that one set of magical stories you said were true were pretend. They are likely to feel this applies to all magical stories. Now that I’m older, I recognize what I felt as grief. I hope your kid is more go with the flow or already knows, but better to be prepared! Good luck!
I mean, I believe Santa Claus was an actual person back in the day who bears no relation to the commercial Claus of today. So I just tell a child friendly version of that story (minus the hallucenigenic mushroom bits) and let them know we celebrate Jesus’s birthday by exchanging gifts. https://www.ffungi.org/blog/the-influence-of-hallucinogenic-mushrooms-on-christmas
Briana, I had a similar reaction! I felt like basically every adult in my life had deceived me, and I couldn’t trust anyone. It was really scary for me.
Oh I love the turtleneck on the Banana Republic outfit but can’t find it….
Here is that sweater! Sadly that color is sold out.
Hello Jo and CoJ community. I am going to be in NYC for the first time in early January for a work trip and have decided to tack on a few extra days for a solo personal trip… I am SO EXCITED and would love to hear people’s recommendations! I am going to try and see some theatre and broadway shows, and wander around sight-seeing, people watching, looking for good coffee, food and thrifting. I won’t have time to do it all but would love to hear recommendations for a first time NYC visit from this community!!
Definitely the High Line and walking or biking across the Brooklyn Bridge! Spend a little time in different neighborhoods (west village for breakfast/bruch, Soho for shopping and people watching, East Village for some more old school gritty NYC vibes). MOMA is great, the library, really anything you want. I love visiting the different markets like Chelsea market to find fun things to bring home for me or friends and some cheap(er) eats.
The Met! Posterhouse if you like graphic design! Stonewall National Monument! The Strand bookstore! Babka at Breads bakery! Croissants at Supermoon! Economy Candy! Bagels and lox at Russ and Daughters! Dollar slice! Nom Wah or Tim Ho Wan for Dim Sum!
Get the babka from from Russ and Daughters too- hot take, I think their babka is the most superior in NYC. Pancakes from Golden Diner, pierogies from Veselka, knish from Elbow Bakery, anything from Librae. Go book shopping at Sweet Pickle Books or Yu and Me Books. Oh, get the kaya toast with the soft boiled eggs at Kopitiam for breakfast. I love the East and West Village for People watching. Get Yemeni coffee at Qahwah House.
The Lower East Side Tenement Museum is truly a treasure, experiential and transporting and so unique to NYC…can’t recommend it more! Also Via Carota if you can swing it, Buvette down the block if not, wandering around and getting “lost” in the West Village = the greatest joy…
Thank you ladies!
Té Company In Greenwich Village is my little oasis in NYC. It would be the perfect place to stop and warm up with an exceptional tea and one of their famous pineapple linzer cookies. It’s really small, so best if you are alone or with one other companion. The owner is lovely.
Marie Elle’s for the hot chocolate bar ( in the back of a gorgeous chocolatier. Nothing tastes better in cold weather!
Brunette has the best French Toast in the city. That creme Anglaise!
Buvette*
If you’re in the West Village (which I highly recommend to just walk around and explore, people watch), get pizza at Mama Too’s or a burger at Hamburger America. Get baked goods at Papa D’Amour near Union Square and walk around Central Park…hot dogs at Grey’s Papaya and pasta at Celeste in the Upper West Side. Have fun!!
Hi Jen, you’ll have so much fun! With a quick trip in cold weather, I’d suggest picking sites that aren’t too far away from each other. If you’re staying in Manhattan, I must suggest the Metropolitan Museum of Art- even if you’re not a huge museum person, you’ll find something interesting there. It’s near (in) Central Park and if you dress for it, you should be able to enjoy a nice walk there. For theater, some favorites of mine have been Hadestown, Six, and Stranger Things: The First Shadow. For off-broadway shows, The Play That Goes Wrong was really fun, and I’ve heard great things about The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. There are lots of other great suggestions here too said I’ll just add: wear the most comfortable shoes you have for all the walking, and do not hesitate to ask people for directions; the subway changes routes on weekends and late nights, and it can be confusing. But there are usually other people on the platform who know what’s going on- just ask!
This week I saw a photo of Suleika Jaouad posing on a staircase draped with a paper chain. It looked so pretty and cheery and old school, last night when I couldn’t sleep I busted out the construction paper and the glue sticks. I must say, it’s added an extra festive cheer to the house, and it was so fun and meditative to make!
Ferdinand has always been one of my favourite books to read. I am not sure I could watch the movie… but I am so glad to think a whole new generation of children will know this story. It’s hard to watch a film adaptation of a book you love…. like seriously yikes how to decide if I am going to see Hamnet? I know Maggie O worked on the script, so that’s a yes, less historical accuracy…hmmm… I don’t think Shakespeare was that hot but there are lots of lovely linen frocks and dresses. I think I am going to see this one, but there will be fear in my heart as I munch on a box of popcorn waiting for it to begin.
it was SO good! I took it as mostly fiction and cannot wait to see it again!
I am so jealous – it comes out mid to late Jan in Australia…
Ancient Aire is my husband’s bday gift to me every year! I would flip seeing you there haha. Have you tried the new UES location? I like the Soho one a lot better.
A marriage at sea is so good and so full of surprises. I loved it.
I thoroughly enjoyed A Marriage At Sea!!
Re: coupon books, this made me smile a lot. I’ve never made this for my kids (now adults). When hubby & I were newlyweds without much money, we did this. Almost 30 years later, I found his book with not 1 coupon used! They were not naughty or quirky or anything, just run of the mill like 1 night free from cooking or dishes. I asked him why he didn’t cash any coupons in & he said they were too pretty to use (I used to do a lot of art before kids). He asked about the ones he gave me & I could not remember him giving me some. I looked everywhere I save stuff & no luck! Now I wonder if he was trying to spare my feelings or if they’ll be found someplace odd in 50 years (both are equally plausible lol)!!
Just jumping in to share how much I love Cup of Jo – the post and comments have given me life, healed holes in my heart and made me feel oh so seen over the years, and I am truly, deeply grateful.
Help needed, All! MIL was very unexpectedly put in the ICU due to heart complications from the flu, and will miss our small family Christmas. (She is improving but likely has a long road.) How can we make it extra special for our nieces and nephews (ages 7-12) who are sad and scared that she isn’t there?
This is so hard! Perhaps directing them on crafts to send her?
Big hugs to your family Elise. Maybe you could give them cameras and let them take pictures of all the festivities and make an album for their grandma?
Set up a designated craft table with papers, crayons, markers, stickers, whatever you have. Kids and adults alike can make a card with well wishes. Have a box to put them in, tie it with a bow, and deliver when allowed. This will give everyone a chance to share their love, talk about Grandmother, and scoot the elephant from the room.
I love the craft table and cards. When I had the mumps in 4th grade (3 weeks at home) my class made a giant card out of 2 posterboards filled with love and well wishes. Maybe the family could create a giant card? I think the kids would love it.
Love Aire!! Went to the original one in Sevilla, Spain this year – it was stunning.
YESSSSSS Tracey’s comment!! Standing ovation!
Tracey’s comment is everything. While I don’t have kids of my own, I adore being an aunt and volunteering with children, and I think the advice applies to anyone with kids in their lives. xoxo
Your baths are reminding me of Louis Litt’s mudding, from Suits, lol. Your place looks so lux! His baths look amazing too, I wonder where they are or if they are a real location. I never saw the series when it came out but have lately been watching it almost every evening and absolutely enjoying the heck out of it. The clothes are soooo good (Jessica Pearson? Wow…), and the story is just entertaining enough.
I really enjoyed reading CofJ this week! Shared quite a few pages with my family. Heading to the airport to celebrate my folks birthdays-they are one day apart. Turning 91 and 98!
For another book about the sea that is based on a true story, consider Isola by Allegra Goodman. A headstrong 16th century noblewoman is banished with her lover and nursemaid to an island near modern day Quebec. It feels as if you are there with them as they encounter one challenge after another as they try to survive. . I loved it, as did my book group, and we had a good discussion that lasted an hour.
I LOVED this book! And i’ts based on a real story!
In the NYT best book covers link, “I Remember”is an incredible book, where every line begins with I remember. By Joe Brainard.
Anahid’s writing about her divorce is beautiful. I’ve bookmarked it to come back to again and again.
The photo at the top is the Rhaetian Railway in Graubünden, Switzerland! I’m just about to board that train to my favorite place in the world – the Engadine Valley! https://www.rhb.ch/en/
I also live in Switzerland, Lindsey. I’ve done that train trip a few times and it’s stunning! Great to see our gorgeous country showcased on CoJ.
I was coming to the comments to see if someone could tell us about that photo—thanks!
hello from the other side of graubuenden (currently sitting in flims).
Thank you! I was wondering where it was. So beautiful!
We just took this train for the first time this summer, and it was magical! Enjoy!
Tracey’s comment had me in tears before I’d even finished reading it. Like my heart reacted to those words before my brain had even processed them. Thank you for showing me how to reframe the narrative on my “failures.” Mind (tearfully) blown.
I feel exactly that too, her words are a heart clutcher.
Same, same, same! Want to carry this with me forever ❤️
That struck me as well! Can confirm that Tracey’s imagined adult children are real – I am one. I’m so glad that my parents taught me that you just need to feed ’em and make ’em feel welcome – holidays solved. I’m excited to see them for our quintessential low-key Christmas in a few days.
:) breaking the cycle myself ladies. I don’t have kids but let me tell you when I walk all wobbly thighed along the beach with my nieces exuding confidence whilst dying inside this is what is keeping me going “make it easier for them” “show them” “lead” “omg I have a wedgie AND a butt zit” “its ok, breathe”. I hope against hope that they have less perfectionist chatter in their brains as they get older.
Ferdinand is great! I also loved The Peanuts Movie from the same studio, Blue Sky.
Love love love Aire. Have so much fun!
I always enjoy the reader comments, but they’re particularly good this week
Up with a sick kiddo at 2am…. Clicked and read the first 3 links…. Saving the rest for Saturday morning coffee…
Oooh yes I’ve been to the Aire location in Chicago and it’s sooo nice! I went by myself and was surprised to mostly see couples but it was still wonderful and relaxing.
SAME, on all counts!