Have a Beautiful Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Fifteen-year-old Toby is throwing a party tonight, complete with pizzas and a few liters of Coke. I’ll be hiding out in my room reading my book, in between making flimsy excuses to go check on everyone. Wish me luck! Also, thank you for all the fun comments on our 2025 holiday gift guide so far. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
I’ve been loving soap bricks — especially this one. Our whole bathroom smells like basil and mint.
The teaser trailer for The Devil Wears Prada 2.
Would you want to sleep in the Goodnight Moon hotel room in Boston?
We’re getting ready for our annual cookie swap. Should we do double-chocolate thumbprints or peanut butter blossoms? Or something else entirely? Would love any recs! (NYTimes gift links)
A beautiful essay on Zohran’s smile. “You know the smile. It is a face-filling, muscle-tensing, high-octane power beam that flares every time Mamdani comes to a podium, every time he is in between sections of a speech, every time he approaches a prospective voter on the street, every time he is filmed dancing in nightclubs in the dead of night, every time he hears someone in the crowd yell ‘Habibi!’ Like every politician’s smile, it is more than a facial expression. It is rhetoric. In his case, it seems to project a mix of things — genuine joy in the process of campaigning itself, confidence and a certain aboveness, accessibility to all comers, refusing to mirror the demeanor of those who traffic in fear of him.”
Gahhhh, this South African garden in Scotland. So beautiful.
I’m halfway through the novel James and am already blown away. Have you read it?
A 420-square-foot apartment in Normandy, France, where IKEA cabinets coexist with historic beams.
Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? “‘Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?’ read a top comment, with 12,000 likes.” (British Vogue)
Where are the good boutiques in NYC? Right here. (Big Salad, paywalled)
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Cheryl on 10 gifts for brothers: “Not me falling in love with the J.Crew model pretending he’s Joanna’s brother and since I know her on the internet perhaps this brother and I will meet and possibly kiss and nevermind I’m married with kids and my testosterone levels may be a bit high with all these fluctuating hormones ok bye.” Adds Christina: “Haha I came to say that as well. He is maybe SOMEONE’s brother, but he’s not mine, and he’s freaking hot.”
Says Renee on 11 gifts for kids: “I have quite a story about the book A Very Young Dancer. Like many girls growing up in the 1980s, my sister Gretchen and I took ballet lessons and cherished our copy. My sweet sister Gretchen died of cancer at 13 in 1993, performing in her final ballet recital in our Michigan hometown just a few months before, so graceful in her costume and bald from chemotherapy. In the months following Gretchen’s death, my mom reached out to Jill Krementz to share her gratitude for the book, explaining how much Gretchen loved it and how she continued to dance through her grueling chemotherapy treatments. Jill responded with a gracious letter and offered to come to Michigan from her home on the East Coast, meet our family, and do some outreach events in the community. And indeed she came, sleeping in Gretchen’s bedroom and meeting with our family, friends, and neighbors. And she brought a whole collection of her books with her that is still at my parents’ house today.”
(Photo by Seth Kane/Unsplash.)
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Comments
217 commentsThe hill I will die on is that peanut butter blossoms are the most overrated cookie on the planet!! They especially have no business on a cookie tray or at a holiday swap because the other cookies in the container absorb the peanut butter smell and then everything else tastes vaguely of stale peanut butter.
They really do love to spread their essence around! My vote is always for double chocolate, anyway. Or chocolate with sour cherry!
The tears I cried upon finishing James, realizing I would never be able to read it again for the first time.
The boyfriend article was soooo unrelatable to me, but also so interesting at the same time. I cannot imagine being that chronically online that I would even think about how my relationships “present” to other people.
Chocolate peppermint thumbprints are my absolute favorite to make for cookie swaps. They’ve got a wow factor and taste divine. (Recipe here: sallysbakingaddiction.com/chocolate-peppermint-thumbprints)
thank you, Kristen!
The boyfriend article feels so silly to me. You have a boyfriend, a husband, a wife, a cat, five kids, a garden you love to sink your hands into, someone or something I haven’t thought of but makes you so, so happy? I am cheering for you! Tell me more! I think I can’t believe that this was worth writing. If you want to tell me about someone or something in your life, or a flower you can’t stop thinking about, or a really great sandwich you made or bought, or~or~or ~~ I want to hear it all. I want abundance for every last one of us.
WELL SAID
This comment makes me happy. I love the occasional snark, but more of this abundant support and joy, please!
YES!!!!!
Totally. Also grown ass women caring about whether they are previewed as cool online (or anywhere) feels very silly. I think I read this in a comment here years ago, but trying to be cool is like wearing an emotional straitjacket! Just be yourself, talk about your bf if you want (who is hopefully a lovely person too). And if you care about being kind, consider how you would feel if your partner treated you like an embarrassment.
Perceived as cool*
Hahaha I first read this as “you have a boyfriend + a husband + a wife + a cat + five kids + a garden” and felt sooooo overwhelmed for whoever has that much going on! Phew!
Alexa, I want to be your friend. :)
Well, I hope it isn’t too late to add a cookie idea here, but I love to make these at Christmas, my mom used to make them years ago: make the Rice Krispie reciped with Special K – or a more “leafy” cereal; color the mixture with green food coloring, and instead of squares, drop in holly-leaf shapes and dot with Red Hots. This creates a very festive and delicious treat!
My mom does the same in wreath shapes! I can taste the buttery marshmallow and Red Hot combo as I type this.
Renee, I am sobbing.
The #notallmen response to that Vogue article here and elsewhere is dispiriting
How is it dispiriting to acknowledge that a broad generalization doesn’t work? When someone makes one on a high profile platform, then this kind of dialogue comes with that territory. It’s not dispiriting to question the idea that “women have ruined the workplace” or any other “not all (fill in blank with any other demographic info) are inferior and lack intelligence”. Issues are complicated, and robust conversation is good.
Claire, “#notallmen” references to a common derailment tactic in conversations about gender inequity and patriarchy —kind of like replying to Black Lives Matter with “but all lives matter.” People are allowed to be frustrated if they see that sort of tactic being deployed
Extremely dispiriting.
Anon: thank you, yes, I am aware. People are certainly allowed to be frustrated about whatever frustrates them. Robust discussion is a good thing, and different viewpoints are not a tactic.
The idea that only Republicans can have boyfriends is dispiriting
Gah that boyfriend article. “[Mostly] ladies, men might suck right now but guess who the impetus is on to feel embarrassed! That’s right, YOU. YOU are the loser! So get your act together (again) until we decide how else you’re doing everything wrong!”
haven’t yet read james but am halfway through erasure and it’s incredible.
Erasure was so good, so funny! Have you seen the movie American Fiction? It was based on Erasure.
Erasure was sensational and so was James! I also highly recommend I am Not Sidney Poitier by the same author. It was hilaaaarious and profound. I think Percivial Everett is one of the best living writers of our time – so glad he’s getting all the accolades.
If anyone is interested in being ensconced in a picture book, including the Goodnight Moon room, try to visit the Rabbit Hole museum in Kansas City! It is worth your time, money, roadtrip frustrations, everything! https://www.rabbitholekc.org/
This looks so cool! Thanks for sharing.
For your cookie swap I highly recommend these brown buttersnickerdoodles: https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/brown-butter-snickerdoodle-cookies/ These ginger molasses cookies: https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/soft-ginger-cookies/ Or these iced gingerbread oatmeal cookies: https://bromabakery.com/gingerbread-iced-oatmeal-cookies/
Bon Appetit’s Cardamom Orange Sugar Cookies have been my go-to, new-spin-on-an-original holiday cookie for years! https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/cardamom-orange-sugar-cookies
Omg. Thank you for sharing!!
The boyfriend quote is the most nihilistic thing I’ve encountered online in a while, and that’s saying something. BE EARNEST!
This cookie is the best cookie I’ve made in a long time. Simple and unusual, it’s a big favorite of everyone who has tried it. https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1023675-gochujang-caramel-cookies
Hi! I’m thinking about asking for a paid subscription to Big Salad for xmas! Joanna (or anyone!), could you tell me how much it costs? I couldn’t seem to find the answer by googling! Thanks!
Hi Erica! You can looks at the different subscription types here: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/subscribe
Don’t forget that Fall of Freedom is happening this week: 11/21 and 11/22 (arts community events in support of democracy). Find an event near you: falloffreedom.com/participants
Surprised by the strong negative reactions to the boyfriend article, as male entitlement seems more brazen than ever these days and “embarrassment” is the mildest word for what I feel when I see what so many men get away with. That is where the article really struck a chord: ““Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.” It’s so telling when the response to that is “we’re being too harsh to men!” instead of “hm maybe men trying to be my boyfriend can do better,” especially when the prevailing attitude is still that single is the worst thing a woman can be. Maybe the framing is clickbait-y, but to me the concluding paragraph makes its real point (“Obviously there’s no shame in falling in love. But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it – or not trying at all”).
It’s is good that you pulled things from it that spoke to you, but I disagree that the reactions are “so telling”. You may have settled on your own opinion without any need for further consideration or discussion, but that doesn’t make everyone else wrong. That’s an overly simplistic take on the conversation, and not respectful to those who are keying in to different aspects of the issue. A spectrum of strong reactions to an idea indicates complexity, and this is an incredibly complex issue. There is a lot more to think about, and that article is pretty superficial. It is for sure click bait. It is rarely constructive to generalize broadly about an issue, and assert that one single opinion is definitive and empirically correct, and consider the case closed.
Emily, yes – it is so telling that this piece struck a (defensive) nerve with so many! Performative relationships on social media have always given my the ick. You make so many compelling points and I appreciate you sharing your POV.
Shared the Vogue article with a newly single friend. The tour of the IKEA-fied historic French apartment gives me Kindred Sprit Vibes for me. Love the maximizing a minimal space, especially when you can keep the integrity of its history.
Crinkle cookies, basically a cross between a brownie and a cookie, are where it’s at. They are my all time favorite.
My husband has been making these every Christmas for over 30 years. I agree with you: delicious! And so pretty with the conf sugar against the dark chocolate color of the cookies ! He makes multiple batches and gives plates of them to people. He’s 69 and it’s his grandma’s old recipe.
Recipe?
I like to add a few drops of peppermint extract to both the crinkle dough, and mixed into the powdered sugar!
The peppermint would be delish!! I don’t have my grandma’s recipe, unfortunately. There’s a good recipe on the SimplyRecipes blog.
I’m maybe one of the few people who’s never liked Goodnight Moon—the room and the bunnies were always too off putting for some reason. Lo and behold years later I was in a critique group with a woman who illustrated a parody of Goodnight Moon based on HP Lovecraft called Goodnight Azathoth and I had this lightbulb moment where it suddenly felt just right. She made the room look almost exactly the same, but with a demonic bunny and haunted blocks. It was incredible. Long story short, sleeping in a room like that one would actually be like sleeping in the Stanley Hotel for me.
I thought this was a Lauren O. comment at first. Props, Abby!
Jon Klassen & Mac Barnett have a great takedown on why Goodnight Moon breaks all the rules of children’s book writing and is unsettling. A lot of it has to do with: falling asleep is scary for children. Check the clock – that is a looooong nighttime routine to coax the child to sleep. https://lookingatpicturebooks.substack.com/p/goodnight-moon
Betsy, thank you so much for sharing! I’ve always been deeply unsettled by Goodnight Moon, as a kid and an adult, and that post captures why in such fascinating detail. But I also think it’s equally interesting for people who love the book! (Ps. Also noticed that Emma Straub of Books Are Magic left a comment on the post, right near the top :) )
“It’s interesting to me that people expect those of us who make things for kids to like kids especially. I don’t think you expect authors of things for adults to especially like people generally. My guess is that they often don’t.” — Betsy this is GOLD.
James is one of my favorite novels. I literally gasped turning the last page because I didn’t realize I was already at the end. It’s one of those books that you want everyone you know and don’t know to read.
I read James novel awhile back, as a black-woman, the story read like a book of horrors, many times I had to put it down….thinking of my ancestors.
Just came to say, as a fellow Black woman, you are not alone. I also had to take breaks because you are right – it is a book of horrors. I really appreciated his take and interpretation, and he is such a phenomenal and visceral writer. I was so glad it ended the way it did, I don’t think I could have handled it any other way.
The audio version of James is INCREDIBLE! Deserves an Oscar for the narration . The last line…. I rewound and listened to the last chapter several times!
$45 for a bar of soap….!!! Anyone have flamingo estate adjacent soap or bodywash that is in a regular-degular budget? I can’t find anything I like on my weekly grocery runs (sorry tjs). I’m craving a body wash or bar of soap that knocks it out of the park on the herbacious, botanical scents) Farmer’s Market soaps are the best but I only manage to make a proper weekend market run a few times a year.
You’re not going to find anything gift-worthy on a grocery run! Just skip gifting soap in that case. But…if you’re going to spend $45 on a soap, I like this one in muscavado: https://jinenstore.com/products/tamanohada-welcome-soap?variant=41389035159607 Otherwise, a couple of cubes of Savon de Marseille is a great stocking stuffer, for men especially.
Good luck Jo for the party. Doing the same in NZ for 7 boys today. Heaps of coke and pizza here too and a massive ice cream platter with candles instead of a cake. I’ll be sending positive vibes and will be having a gin and tonic at the end of it and saying cheers to you as I have long sip.
Please change the link to- A South African Garden in Scotland! We having a hard year in the American press with a few disgusting and completely inaccurate white genocide stories. This garden confirms we have such incredible flora it’s been transplanted to an incredible garden in Scotland. Also if you think the flora is wonderful, you should come and meet the people, except for the very few horrid ‘refugees’ and even more horrid Mr Musk!
Since we have all the gift guides lately I’m looking for recommendations for a special case in Europa: A very dear colleague of mine has left the company. We worked online closely together for years. He moved from Ireland back to Spain since he wants his future children grow up in his home country. I got his new address and would like to send him something that shows how much I appreciate him. Until now I thought of: – a letter – some company merch – something to say godbye – something for his future family Thank you : )
I think I meant microclimate? Ugh, perimenopause brain.
Another vote for peanut butter blossoms! One year when my cousin and I were kids, we ate all the Hershey’s Kisses out of them, and our parents were like “now you have to eat all the cookies,” AND WE DID. As for the Scottish garden, I am big into native plants and prairie restoration, so I struggle to see an entire garden of non-native plants. Like why would you do that?? Think about the impact a native garden would have had on their microbiome! But I know not all gardeners feel the same way. Shrug emoji.
Oh that Mamdani smile, indeed! Makes my heart a flutter. Pure joy, confidence, care under those crinkley eyes.
I’ve been enchanted by Ted-Lasso-inspired shortbread. Use your best butter. Easy and simple and perfect with a cup of coffee at midday. That’s my go-to gift this Christmas.
Echoing Cheryl and Christina–literally fanned myself at that photo. Sheeeeesh.
Glad I’m not alone! Something about it!
Instead of bringing cookies to a cookie swap, I make homemade marshmallows. They are easy to make, yields are plentiful, and you can have fun with flavors (cardamom is a favorite of mine). Or, try Ina Garten’s homemade marshmallows with toasted coconut flakes. People will think you are a domestic goddess!
Brilliant! I’ve always wanted to make them, and cardamom sounds so other-worldly.
My son -in -law used to make these. I can confirm, delicious and fun and oh- so-pillowy !
This message is for Renee- My name is Gretchen and like you I am grieving and always missing my sister who died in 2019 (her name is Alanna) I was so struck in your comment by the immense love it is so clear you had (and have) for your sister. There is a tenderness that came across in this story. Thank you for sharing it. I also have to share that lately I have been feeling quite distant from my sister Alanna and craving a sign. As strange as it sounds reading Renee’s comment and hearing the tenderness with which she spoke of her sister (who is named Gretchen like me) felt like a little hello and ‘I love you’ from Alanna. I hope I am not overstepping by sharing this Renee- because ultimately I do see and feel that your story with your sister is about you and her!! Just wanted to send some love and thank you for sharing openly- from one grieving sister to another ❤️
Gretchen your lovely comment just stunned me! I am so sorry to hear about Alanna — thinking of you and am in solidarity with you. Our sisters will always be with us. <3
Joanna, I wish COKE and NYTIMES were not part of your lives. 4 yeas ago, ISRAEL carpet bombed /100 tons- Gaza. It was a 21 days massacre, and it was kicked off at 11:25 am. Why that time? Because that’s when the school’ morning and afternoon shifts change so ALL the children are outside for some time. Both COKE and NYT are complicit in this live streamed genocide.
Exactly. We as a planet need to hold accountable the big corps complicit in literal genocide of human beings. Peace and love, Alice.
Yeah, I think it is worth acknowledging that Ms. Rachel recently announced she’s unsubscribing from NYT and shared some truly wild–but also unsurprising– questions they put to her. https://www.instagram.com/p/DQ4ODD0Dp2y/ https://www.instagram.com/p/DQ9cxpBDh79/
thank you, we want to know and learn what we can do❤️ this blog has been great for that. free palestine 🕊️
@farhana curious about your sources for this comment? and also if there is any news source that meets your metric for morality?
Coke and the New York Times bombed Gaza???? Sorry, but I’ve never heard about this, and I read the news every day. What is the link? Where is the proof? Very alarming!
Does the room include the mouse that runs back and forth eating the abandoned bowl of mush? I’ll never be able to unsee that…
Would highly recommend Melissa Clark’s rosemary shortbread recipe for your swap. I make it several times throughout the holiday season to bring to gatherings and everyone is always blown away. But it also so easy and has just 4 ingredients!
https://alexandracooks.com/2010/09/29/rosemary-shortbread-cute-parchment-paper-packages/ My sister makes her shortbread every Christmas – so delicious!
Its sooooo good Melissa Clark would be an excellent beauty uniform or week in style or any interview really. She’s v cool to me
ooh thank you for the reminder about this excellent shortbread! I agree w/ Sarah – would love to see Melissa Clark on this site in some way!
James is an incredible book. It stayed with me for a long time afterwards and I still think about it from time to time. It’s a pretty spectacular piece of work.
Agreed. My top read of 2025 by far. It’s dark and funny.
I loved James as well. Being a part of a story from his perspective took that story line to a whole different level. I cried. I cheered (silently lol) when good things happened to him – and rooted for him the entire time.
Agreed! I listened to the audiobook and thought it was spectacular.
I find Goodnight Moon positively terrifying. Staying in an actual room that’s designed to look like that scary ass book? Hard pass! Unrelated to that nightmare – you could try making these rice crispy treats that are topped with pistachio and chocolate. https://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipes/17180-chocolate-topped-pistachio-rice-krispies-treats?queryID=dc9b58c17667c70f70d9cebdb6f0379d&indexName=everest_search_cortado_production
Goodnight moon is not my fave—it has a terrible rhyme scheme that I can’t unhear. Those look like Dubai chocolate Rice Krispie treats!
I’ve read James this year. It stopped me in my tracks, the author has captured a way of existing in the world that I as a white middle aged woman could never experience in real life and lay it all before us. Masterful.
Can one enjoy James if I’ve never read Huckleberry Finn? Or is it a pre-requisite?
Replying to Emily: Yes, you can do that!
These are our family’s favorite holiday season cookie! Something about a snickerdoodle feels cozy in the winter (and the caramel filling feels extra fancy but it’s super easy!): https://www.modernhoney.com/caramel-filled-snickerdoodle-cookies/ Highly recommend for any cookie exchange!
On the day that Andrea Gibsons documentary came out, I was sad to see The Devil Wears Prada sequel uplifted. Sometimes this space feels inclusive and thoughtful to a variety of experiences, and sometimes not. For me and my queer friends the passing of such a profound messenger of love and icon was seismic and the film dropping today long awaited. Maybe soon the documentary and their life will be spotlighted here <3
I have also been counting the days for Come See Me in the Good Light to be available on Apple TV. We have friends visiting for whom this isn’t the right time to watch it, but my wife and I plan to stay up late tonight to watch after they’ve gone to bed. Megan Falley, Andrea’s wife, has also gifted us some beautiful podcast discussions recently. For anyone here who doesn’t know of Andrea – or who, like me, does and is grasping for every opportunity to keep feeling her presence – highly encourage a watch/listen.
I agree, what a gift to have been present in this world at the same time as them. Andreas poetry has been so meaningful to me and my queer community also. I watched last night and was so moved by the love between Andrea and Meg and how they lived with such open hearts in the face of immense grief and uncertainty, there was so much joy too ❤️
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/14/movies/andrea-gibson-come-see-me-in-the-good-light.html?unlocked_article_code=1.1U8.tr5m.UDbLkqIJCBwM&smid=url-share Gift link here for those who want to read the nyt profile of Andrea and their film.
Amen. And I didn’t know that they had a documentary out— going to look tithe up immediately.
Thanks for posting this… I wasn’t aware that the doc came out today and as I Brandi fan and now an Andrea fan, I was stoked to learn about this. Thank you. xo
The trailer is so profoundly beautiful. 🥹😭👏🏽“Everything that you are feeling, name it love.” Andrea Gibson
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve never heard of Andrea before. I just watched the trailer and now can’t wait to see this documentary.
$46 bar of soap is basically a meme.
FOR REAL.
LOL
Ha, that about sums it up! I thought “these ‘bricks’ MUST be at least eight times the size of an average bar of soap,” but no… I feel weird buying body wash at Target when, in reality, a bar of Dial will do. These are a whole ‘nother level!
hahahahaha. PREACH!
Seriously, wtf. Go find a nice slab at your local farmers market for $12 or whatever.
If I was rich enough to spend $46 on soap I’d spend it on a nice loaf of bread, some really good butter, and some really good chocolate. I know, you didn’t ask :D.
Seconded!
Forty. six. dollars!
You cracked me up. But also am I the only one totally grossed out by bar soap? I have an aversion to foam and the suds that linger on communal bar soap is worse to me than potential invisible feces germs.
Omg Toby is 15?! Whhhhat?? I once again found you when dreaming of becoming pregnant and somehow a search turned into a 14 yr weekly visit situation. My oldest turns 11 this month and I am both excited and sad for the changes in the years to come. I hope it goes well tonight !
Ambitious Kitchen’s Nutella Stuffed Brown Butter Sea Salt Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!! They’re a HIT.
Not sure if you’ll see this Rachel, but I have been looking for this recipe for YEARS! I made them once, years ago and lost the recipe. Now I can make them again. Thank you!
I found the boyfriend article SO interesting. I can’t explain it exactly but I feel this around me lately… I have been married for 12 years (got married very young) and now in my thirties I notice myself noticing when I say “my husband” and while I don’t quite cringe there is something about it that feels unnecessary to me! A confluence of factors I’m sure. I have many friends who are single, divorced or with long term partners (we don’t call them boyfriends!!). I think part of this is also the shift to being more inclusive in our language and definition of relationships away from heteronormativity, as well as the increasing of women in the workforce. I know a reader commented that they found this depressing but I actually found it to be really exciting!!
I know, the word husband sort of feels like a self-righteous brag when I say it now…
Yes! I’m a very happily married 35 year old, who married at 22. In the UK so many of my friends with and without kids are long term partners but not married. So it sometimes feels a bit odd somehow when I say ‘my husband’ instead of ‘partner’. I also always default to ‘partner’ if I don’t know someone’s relationship when I’m speaking to another mum or dad. So it’s a change I’m aware of, I can feel it, but not in a bad way! It is interesting!
James is one of my very favorite books of all time – the audiobook is art.
The ending of that novel is exquisite.
Yes to the audiobook. The narrator added depth to the already profound novel, nailing the code-switching and racial, regional and class distinctions. Highly recommend!
The idea that having a boyfriend is “out of style” is so bigoted. I need to think about why I find that so disturbing and offensive before I can articulate it clearly, but I am sure that if the narrative were reversed, people would be outraged about the dehumanization of women. Yet, we are okay with dehumanizing men? We treat men like our attachment to them would be an embarrassment? I have wonderful brothers and a wonderful son- if someone is embarrassed to date them, it is the woman’s bloody loss. Boys are in trouble. Recent studies show that young men feel more pressure about their looks than women do, at this time in western culture. The disturbing news goes on and on and we all act like it should not matter because they are male. That is also sexist. Yet, we defend ideologies that brutalize women and the same time profess to be liberal in such dysfunctional ways. We are getting everything backwards. If this is what it means to support Democrats, then I guess I am no longer a democrat. I am certainly not a republican either, but I guess it is this kind of nonsense that is pushing voters to the far right. Thanks a lot (pls read sarcastically).
I agree! A super interesting take, one I appreciate learning about, but don’t agree with. I adore my husband/brothers, and it is a joy to share the gift of their relationship in my life. It doesn’t feel like a political act, much less one associated with a particular side. There is no relationship in my life that I’m embarrassed of, and if I were, then it would be time to simply let it pass :)
My thoughts exactly–although not as eloquently put as yours. Thank you.
I think it’s about women having a tough time dating and trying to regain some agency and dignity. Having a bf who isn’t a tool will continue to be looked at as a rare and impressive victory, if not outright magic. The world order hasn’t actually shifted much, but feeling chic as a singleton is important since the sheer number of single, childfree people continues to rise.
It seems like that article touched a nerve and brought up a lot of emotions for you, Anon. I can tell you’re a protective and loving family member and friend, and I imagine people in your life feel lucky to be protected and defended by you. I would encourage you to reflect on what makes you read this article and jump to thoughts about the Democratic or Republican party, or that the goal of the article was to influence voters, as that doesn’t seem to be the focus at all.
I SO appreciate this comment. I am proud to have a husband (because he’s awesome!) and I am equally proud of all my friends who are single, gay, lesbian, divorced, widowed, etc. I do not think identifying having a partner as an important thing in life is something we should shrink away from, nor something we should expect to be homogenous among everyone. To each their own, but if my husband didn’t want to admit he was married out of some sort of societal embarrassment, it would be hurtful.
Just because someone managed to get their thoughts published online doesn’t make them credible or worthwhile. Remember the goal for online articles is clicks and revenue, and triggering outrage is powerful bait. I also have a son who is a beautiful human being, and hope he would never waste time with a partner who did not appreciate him. While I agree that males have unique struggles and those are very serious issues, they are best addressed by serious people. I read the first couple paragraphs of that article and decided not to bother with the rest of it. I don’t find an article describing random people’s social media branding interesting or relevant to much of anything. I say: pay it no mind.
I agree. Being attached and loving someone should never be a shameful thing. Regardless of their gender.
This whole thing has absolutely nothing to do with the actual Democratic Party. People continue to use social commentary nonsense like this to collapse onto electoral politics where no elected officials or candidates say anything of the sort. We need to get better at sorting this kind of information.
Cyndi, Anon jumped to politics because Jo’s intro to the article said: “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? “‘Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican?’ read a top comment, with 12,000 likes.” (British Vogue)”
Respectfully, Anon – the “loneliness epidemic” of men is all we friggin’ hear about. Meanwhile I have fewer rights as a woman than I did growing up. Women are unequal in the eyes of society, the law, and the government – but yes by all means let’s keep hearing, But what about the MEN!!! Step up your game, sirs, because it’s embarrassing when you don’t do the work.
“… if the narrative were reversed” is a big tell here. The narrative can’t and won’t be reversed because we live under structural patriarchy. You can’t be sexist toward men, because sexism = prejudice + power and men as a class hold the power. Just like you can’t be “racist toward white people,” because racism = prejudice + power and white people hold the power. No amount of “but not my husband” and “not my brother” will fundamentally uproot our patriarchal system of oppression. This is true, even while we love the men in our lives. Signed, a feminist with a husband and two sons.
If an article in Vogue is all it takes for you to empathize with the far right, I’m pretty sure you were heavily leaning that way already. You just want an easy excuse to jump ship. (And no, I don’t feel bad for men. Women in the US today have fewer rights than a generation ago. That’s what scares me.)
Wow I’m quite surprised by some of the comments here. You can be concerned about women losing their rights *and* have empathy for men at the same time! Smh.
To Lindsey: thank you! My thoughts exactly.
Growing up with the abuse of my attention by clickbait titles/posts, I am totally immune to this kind of rabble rousing. It is so obviously clickbait designed to trigger a response in the few people left who can fall for these kinds of tactics. I don’t think I am jaded so much as impervious to emotional manipulation. This is the silver lining for me of this whole era of emotional abuse that has been thrust **into** us by the tech world. It’s just fukkery…
Regarding the idea that prejudice can only exist in one direction: Please, let’s be accurate with our words, here. Various definitions in various dictionaries describe prejudice essentially as “An adverse judgment or opinion formed unfairly or without knowledge of the facts.” Originally, left-leaning politics and values championed the idea of egalitarianism (Definition: “Characterized by social equality and equal rights for all people.”) for the betterment of society. Just because someone is born male does not justify our discrimination any more than prejudice against any other group. You have to judge a person by their own merits. Certainly work for cultural and societal advancements and change and recognize systemic issues (and speak for those who are silenced by discriminatory laws, fight against regressive laws…etc). The betterment of society comes when all groups treat each other fairly and even better- start focusing more on our shared humanity than our differences. I am a feminist and always have been and it is driven my wish to see all humans treated fairly and with dignity (frankly, I’ll extend that wish to other species as well, not just humans). We need to work together. No one will ever convince me that swapping one form of discrimination for the other is a solution to our problems.
What a beautiful story about Gretchen, Renee. Thank you for sharing. I know she was gorgeous and graceful. She sounds lovely and so do you.
Well said, Junry. Very moving story.
Yes, a lovely and touching story.
Agree. I loved, loved, loved the ‘Very Young…’ books, so this story really touched me. For those that are familiar, the girl from A Very Young Dancer had a really sad story as she grew up.
Anyone else find that Goodnight Moon room off putting? Works better on the page vs real life.
Yes! The book is lovely. The room… I really would not want to sleep there.
I actually love the bright color drenching and I think it’s very beautiful, but flat paint on the walls would make it so much softer and warmer.
I agree, they did not nail those green walls. I would have gone with a more olive/desaturated tone to make it feel more cozy and less “theme park”.
Renee, that’s so beautiful x
I agree. Simply wonderful xx
Oh my goodness, Renee, thank you for sharing about Gretchen. James is such a great book! And you all should come the The Rabbit Hole in Kansas City to check out The Great Green Room from Goodnight Moon, and all of the other exhibits in the museum/explorastorium. It is such a cool place.
I have read James and it stayed with me for a long, long time afterwards. Wow. It was incredible.
Lovely apartment! I am enjoying the gift guides very much so far including the recommendations folks leave in the comments. Also the “h” needs to be included in Zohran’s name – autocorrect changes it to Zoran. Love his smile :)
Why are authors so wonderful? Gift after gift after gift!
Recently I was having a pretty horrible day (I was at a large expo 7 hours from home and powerless to fix the issues that were arising), so I went out to my car to take a minute to cry and pull myself back together. I noticed a woman who seemed to be having car trouble and I walked over to see if I could help. She already had a helpful event volunteer assisting her but I offered a different car for a jump or my jumper cables, or a hammer to tap the alternator. We tried my car and cables and got her started. She tried to give me money which I refused. She asked if I would be interested in a copy of her book. I was like “YOU WROTE A BOOK?! YES! I would love a copy!” so she signed one to me and went on her way. I posted about it on FB and we happened to have mutual friends who I didn’t know were even at the event so I got to see them too. She thought I helped her start her car, but she helped me get out of my head and back into a better space. We are now friends and talk via messenger a couple of times a week. Authors/writers (and humans in general) are pretty amazing!
Melanie, I love this story!
Melanie, that’s a beautiful story and a reminder of a profound truth I often forget: giving to or doing for others makes the giver feel good :)
Love Renee’s comment and her sister Gretchen’s memory! That book was my favorite as a child of the 80’s, as well! Sending you love, Renee!
I understand the paywall for Big Salad but it’s the only site/link you share on your weekend roundups on Cup of Jo that is paywalled. All the other times (NYT, etc) it’s a gift link. I mean would you share a different site’s paywalled link on Friday roundup? Probably not. Just food for thought for those of us who can’t afford a subscription that this stings every time you do it.
Thanks for your note! The newsletter is reader supported which is why the link is sometimes paywalled — we rely on subscriptions to keep it running and pay our editor, designer, etc — but we usually provide a gift link two out of three times. Hope you understand! We are, of course, happy to keep Cup of Jo completely free since it’s a different revenue model. We love this community. Xo
1000000000%
I know this world makes it increasingly sad and alienating (and infuriating) to be the one (the many,many) who can’t afford the upgrade. And I do get that it feels funny to be reminded of that in this safe space. But Jo deserves to be paid for the free content and community she creates for us. I look at this as an opportunity to feel generous towards Jo, who is so generous to us.
“I look at this as an opportunity to feel generous towards Jo, who is so generous to us.” 100x THIS. <3
If I’m understanding MabelK correctly, their problem isn’t with Big Salad being paywalled, but simply that there’s a link to a paywalled article? I wonder if a solution could be something like a weekly “And this week over at Big Salad…” along with the roundup, rather than a link as part of the roundup, if that makes sense?
+1/ Margot. I wouldn’t get that $40 soap or $250 sweater but happy to support Joanna’s salad 🥗.
@ Margot, Thank you for articulating this so well, Helped me reframe it in my mind, as I do feel somewhat sad/ excluded sometimes.
I agree. I’ve been following CoJ since pre-wedding days, almost 20 years! And it’s sad to see so much of the fun content that used to be accessible on the blog go behind a paywall. As a cultural worker struggling to make ends meet, I can’t justify the expense of a subscription, and it’s hard to feel financially squeezed and excluded in yet another arena of life where others can afford to participate while I can’t. I’m not soliciting negative feedback, and am perfectly capable of recognizing CoJ’s right to monetize, just expressing my experience as a very long-time reader feeling left behind from the community I’ve felt part of for so many years.
This analogy totally misses the mark. Cup of Jo gives the vast majority of its content for free; many other publications do not. Can you appreciate that this is a business that needs to make money. You also aren’t being kept from accessing life saving information, but rather a slice of writing that often times is very personal. I know Joanna does not need my defense but I guess im just irked by the tone of this message and others like it nearly every time such a link is posted because they seem to imply a lack of generosity or community when in fact the authors of these messages are failing to extend the same grace to Jo.
There are also links to products that cost money that I’m not going to buy. Should those not be included either? Why shouldn’t Jo be advertising the newsletter? That’s how you get people to find it and hopefully subscribe. An option – Maybe ask for a Big Salad subscription for Christmas! It’s $60 for a year which is $5 a month or $1.15 per week.
Ah holiday cookies, my freezer is already welcoming cookie and bar doughs for when son and nephew arrive to bake. This weekend I plan to make the dough for these: https://goop.com/recipes/chewy-ginger-maple-molasses-cookies/ after purchasing maple sugar from these fine VT producers: https://bridgeroadsugarworks.com/collections/granulated-maple-sugar (So worth the pantry staple shop!). Last year the ginger cookie won 1st place at the Library cookie swap. Super chewy, ginger-maple flavors. Even after 42 years, I still call my husband boyfriend or babe, love, honey. Had no idea there was a debate over it. I’d like to believe doing so keeps the earliest vibes of dating long lasting. Of course, I don’t “over advertise” my relationship on social media under a brand or moniker so I don’t have that experience but I’ve enjoyed reading about all kinds of relationships on CofJ. I don’t think I even call my husband by his first name much. Hmm… rockin1000 is coming to NJ for a rare US appearance at the end of this month. I am so excited to join/go. https://www.rockin1000.com/home We’ve winterized the garden so photos of such lush gardens really feeds my soul. You can feel the breeze sway! Finishing up All Her Fault tv series. Book is better but the actresses playing the mains are really juicy. Apple tv series, The Last Frontier had a real twist in Epi 7 jump starting the slow to tell storyline. And, Netflix’s The Beast Within was scary good. Claire Dane tour de force, Matthew Rhys oh my! My MIL is 96 and shared her recipe for stuffed mushrooms with me yesterday. I guess I finally earned my place in that cooking legacy. 🌹 smirk.
These are the comments I love and am encouraged by- just a quick lil peek into someone else’s world- as I, in Zone 8a, embark on planting ~200 bulbs on this sunny saturday. Goodbye, lower back. Goodbye, knees.
Hillary – I’m going to look at your recipes thanks for sharing! Can you share your MILs stuffed mushroom recipe? They must be good if she’s kept it closely guarded all this time. Also agreed, I do not call my husband by his name. It’s babe or boo. It feels awkward to use his name actually. And we’ve been married 20 years!
@Mona with my MIL’s greenlight, here you go! Stuffed Mushrooms: 12 whole fresh mushrooms (MIL currently uses medium sized creminis and uses the lid of a small jam jar as her measuring stick at the market) 8 oz of softened cream cheese. 2Tsp. tomato paste 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1/4 tsp each fresh garlic, black pepper, onion powder, and dried oregano Add 2 tablespoons plain bread crumbs to the topping for some crunch. Clean the mushrooms, then remove and chop the stems. Sauté 1 Tablespoon raw garlic and mushroom stems in 1 Tablespoon vegetable oil. Set aside to cool. Stir in the remaining ingredients to make the filling. Fill each mushroom cap with the filling. Sprinkle breadcrumbs over each. Bake the stuffed mushrooms for 20-25 mins in a 350* preheated oven. (I use avocado oil but adding the cream cheese is her secret ingredient. I thought it was undiluted mushroom soup for years. She triples the recipe for Thanksgiving.)
@carls- you have my admiration! Happy planting! Bug rewards!
Oops! BIG rewards!
They sound delicious!! Thank you and thank your wonderful mother in law for posting the recipe! I’m going to make them this Christmas instead of defaulting to just heating up frozen Trader Joe’s mushroom tarts..
Crying in my cubicle about Renee’s comment.
When I first saw the Goodnight Moon room, I declared to all my friends that I had never wanted to visit America as much as I did now! Ah can someone tell me how great it? Will you dress up as a bunny? I would love to book a room for a week and just sleep sleep sleep.
Dressing up as a bunny seems like a good idea in this hotel room, & possibly in any hotel room
Thank you so much for sharing that story Renee, that is so exceptional. Sending you a hug, because grieving never ends. Love from Paris
Agnès, I just now realized how often I scan the comment section looking to see if you may have commented on a post. Your caring, brief observations are a highlight of the section for me. Thank you. Love TO Paris.
I’d like to second what Bonnie said. Every time I read your “love from Paris” it makes me feel like I have a friend. So here is another Love TO Paris!
Bonnie ❤
Yes, what Bonnie said. Your comments are a gentle balm. Love back to you in Paris.
Speaking of Good Night Moon, please vote for my friend’s husband’s Lego tribute to the story! If he gets enough votes, it will become a kit we can purchase & build! https://beta.ideas.lego.com/product-ideas/5b04d2bc-5613-4a28-aedd-b9692904e91d?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email Margaret Wise Brown forever!
I voted!! I can’t believe there’s even a bowl full of mush!!
Created a LEGO account just so I could vote for this. Incredible!
Voted! This is so charming
OMG what am I doing wrong? I love this and just created an account but still can’t seem to vote for this fantabulous idea. It is so good I not only created the account but have spent 15 min trying to figure it out!
I created an account to vote for him, and asked my friend (who was sitting next to me) to do the same. I hope it becomes a kit.
Wow, my Lego and Good Night Moon-loving kid would love to build this! Great idea! Hope it happens!
The British Vogue article about admitting one has a boyfriend is one of the saddest things I’ve read online in a longtime. That any grown woman is worried about this in anyway in 2025, baffles me. What have we become?
I suddenly felt fine living in “norminess!” Connections in life matter and boyfriends can be an important part of a connected whole life even if not everyone wants one-people don’t feel weird saying they have friends and I think it’s odd to avoid showing that you have other connections/different relationships. (Clearly I understand people don’t want to be defined by their relationships but the way to avoid this is if we all just keep pushing through the stupid assumptions and share our relationships wildly in the way we enjoy when we feel ready)
It bothered me, too, but I think for me at least it’s because of the emphasis on display in the online/social media world. It seems more about what it signals to a virtual world than what it means in an embodied, material, relational, authentically connected way.
Within my life as an adult, I’ve seen a sexual predator become president while purity culture becomes mainstream (why did we allow the phrase ‘body count’ to gain traction?). I’ve also observed in my own interactions with men that a lot of them are skeptical of democracy and favor some form of autocracy. I have been in protest movements that are 80%+ composed of women. Frankly I think that women are right to gatekeep our energy, bodies and social currency. Men as a whole are not sufficiently invested inegalitarian society. I think that’s why we’re getting the ick.
What strikes me about that article is that it 100% about whether to say you have a boyfriend *on social media.* At this point I post basically nothing about my personal life on social media, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a personal life! I talk about important personal stuff IN PERSON with people I care about. It’s not a public performance. I don’t care what my “followers” think because I don’t have any followers, just friends.
I’m think you’re right that it’s more about people’s online lives rather than real lives. God I hope so because otherwise I can only echo what Laura said so perfectly.
I wonder if we’re just less public about our romantic partners/personal lives now because we’re less naïve about social media than we were at the outset. I know I’m way less forthcoming than I used to be online. I can’t imagine posting family/couple pictures ever again.
Yeah, I don’t get that or the “heterofatalism” whatever, either. It’s overthinking in the extreme and If that’s all people have to worry about, they’re doing pretty good!
1) Hannah….yessssss! 2) And on an entirely unrelated matter…let’s hope Zohran takes his great smile down to Elizabeth Street Garden one of these days soon, and finally agrees to engage with the kind of community spirit and grass-roots organization he says he stands for ;-)
1. Does it have to be a cookie? Because I humbly submit the nostalgically tasty Rice Krispie treat for your consideration. 2. I bought a ticket for a Broadway show in May! I’ve never been to New York, and I bought it in faith that I can make this trip happen! Ahhhhh! (happy, delighted screaming)
Hope you can make it, Cat… As they say if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere…
Oh my gosh Renee thank you for telling us about Gretchen. I’m so sorry that you lost your sister. She sounds completely wonderful. This story brought me to tears. Isn’t it crazy that a book gets mentioned on COJ and we get to hear about Renee, her sweet sister and a complete act of kindness by Jill Krementz?
I agree – this is such a lovely community!
Happy weekend, so glad it’s here! Hive mind help: I am looking to purchase a dress shirt for a man in my life. And I don’t want boring. Where do I find something that’s not solid or plaid? Maybe has a surprise color or pattern when you roll up the cuff? That says “this is a fancy occasion and also I’m fun”
For ease of ordering and findability (it’s so a word….not at all my brain is just tired from this week) Hammermade or Anton Alexander are two options I have heard guys from my place of work mention!
Rodd & Gunn is a New Zealand brand with US stores and great patterns and thoughtful details.
How about a guayabera: https://guayatex.com
the best men’s shirt I ever saw was worn by a rich hippie at a grateful dead concert back in the 90’s. It was a crisp white cotton dress shirt with large roses printed all over it. Gorgeous on him (straight man, not gay). The other type of shirt I LOVE on men is again the dress shirt model but in bright, juicey pastels. Not pale ones but bright ones that are not primary, like: cornflower blue, mango, manila envelope – I think they look amazing on any man but especially with blue eyes (Paul Hollywood often nails this look). My old boss (gay) used to wear one each day with jeans and he always looked spectacular, but so low-key.
the rose one was a bit like this but better – this one is close enough: https://abh-collection.com/en/roses-floral-print-men-s-shirt I love this one too and so cheap: https://www.amazon.com/TUNEVUSE-Floral-Shirts-Sleeve-Vintage/dp/B0BXNX1747 https://www.amazon.com/OYOANGLE-Formal-Business-Casual-Pattern/dp/B0FB39PZ3S
I like the patterned men’s button-ups by Johnston and Murphy https://www.johnstonmurphy.com/c/men/mens-apparel/mens-button-up-shirts?sz=24
I’m 38 and the J. Crew magazine was like soft porn for me. I LOVED the male models. I always said I wanted to marry a J. Crew model when I grew up. What do you know, I married a man with a scruffy beard and smoldering, gold-flecked green eyes. My 10-year-old self is like, “yeah, get it, girl”!
omg!! haha, YES. the abercrombie model is the one you (in your head dated), but the j. crew model…he is the one you marry.
Hahahahahaha
And when you get to your 40s… it’s going to be all about the LLBean men ;)
James = soooooo good! My boss read it for his book group and then he lent it to me. Truly a stunning book!
+1 for the Peanut Butter Blossoms! My friend made me a plate full of similar cookies, except used chocolate disks to make the cookies look like a dog paw print, for my bday last year. They were so good and extra cute. If anyone has a peanut allergy, cashew butter or almond butter makes really good cookies too.
Yes, Peanut Butter Blossoms hands down.
Peanut Butter Blossoms!
I make Toll House every year, peanut butter blossoms if I get it together enough to do so. But my husband is the real baker. He makes multiple batches of Chocolate Crinkle cookies every Christmas season and they are delicious. He gives so many plates away to people. They are his thing. Perfection. And they are so pretty. The first time he made them I came home at midnight from my nursing shift and there were all these pretty cookies cooling on counter. That was over 30 years ago. He’s made them every year since.
i love peanut blossoms, but am strongly against them for any sort of combo situation because they infect the other cookies with an echo of peanut that i do! not! want!! it’s a hill i’ll die on: they are to keep to themselves. the double-chocolate thumbprints get my vote. i’d increase the cinnamon and add a little powdered chipotle to warm them up … and ooo i’m now tempted to make them and use marshmallow fluff for the filling and make lil hot chocolate cookies. or! i’d scrap the cinnamon all together and add orange zest to both the cookies and chocolate. or cinnamon, orange, AND chocolate? too much? ok. i’m gonna make these now!