What Money Questions Do You Have?
“I’d love for Cup of Jo to talk about financial literacy, alongside makeup recs,” commented a reader named Sarah. “The choices we make to maintain society’s beauty standards are keeping us distracted from our long-term financial well-being. Hot Girl Hamster Wheel, anyone?”
A bunch of other readers agreed, including another Sarah: “Preach! Money has historically been an emotional trigger for me, and my defense mechanism is to completely ignore it. Not great!”
So, as we kick off a new finance column — with the goal of feeling empowered and excited, not stressed or shamed — I’d love to know: What money-related questions do you have? For example: What common money mistakes do people make? Where are people putting their savings? What credit cards are good (or bad)? What are five things we should all be doing? How do we handle money when it comes to our parents, kids, friends, and partners? We’re excited to tackle any and all questions with trusted experts and share our financial hopes and dreams with each other. Please tell us what you’d like to discuss! xoxo
P.S. Class anxiety: when you live a different life from your parents, the #1 thing I did for my finances, and do you pay for your parents?
Tags: finance
Comments
184 commentsI recommend these topics: Great topic! I wish you well in reading through all of the comments. My contributions: 1) How to manage your financial recordkeeping so that it’s organized and easy to understand if/when we get sidelined or killed by accident or illness 2) How to arrange financial and administrative matters to ensure (as much as possible) the well-being of a child who will always need some assistance with adult life (neurodiversity, physical disability, autism spectrum, mental illness) 3) Effects of caregiving* responsibilities: married women can be pulled out of the workforce for years; single women face financial, physical, and mental health from the stress of keeping a job despite caregiving. Caregiving itself demands hours for hands-on care, scheduling and transporting to appointments, refilling prescriptions, buying specialized items, and/or managing medical insurance claims, denials, follow-up, and perhaps payment. Care can be needed for parents with illness or age-related challenges, or children or siblings with serious illness (physical or mental) or disabilities (caused by birth, illness, or accident). Sorry if this is obvious! Some of us had no idea how how much work was involved until we fell into it. 4) I also agree with all the questions about folks with lifelong low incomes whether due to choice of low-paying profession or difficult life circumstances.
Starting over financially in middle age. Many of us have gone through divorces, career changes, covid-related financial losses and yikes, now we’re in a recession. Would be great to hear from straight forward advice for 40 or 50 somethings who are basically starting over from scratch.
I love this! Getting serious about my personal finances was my first Covid hobby <3 My one request for this series is that it looks beyond the US borders. Financial infrastructures are so different from one country to the next (I only use my credit card when travelling abroad, for example) but the underlying mechanisms and psychology are much more similar. And even if they're a bit different: these 'soft' differences offer interesting perspectives that anyone can make their own (or not), but readers outside the US can never have a Roth IRA (and that's ok).
YES to all of this!!! Recently my fellow 40-something friends and I have talked about how our education taught and tested us on so many miscellaneous facts but didn’t go over the basics of managing a life! …. Would love to know not only how to invest but the most basic of directions – where to set up an account/s, how to avoid paying more in fees than you could make off the investments, … a how to get started investing primer?
How to be a conscious saver and investor in 2025 without doing harm to people and the planet. How to navigate paid labor and unpaid labor in à household and savings/pensions. How to talk to kids about money in a neutral way. Not making it seem more important than it is while acknowledging that $ puts a roof over our heads and food on the table. How to engage in realistic conversations about the future of the economy and the role of money without receiving eye rolls :)
Advice needed for a stay at home mom who views herself as a more strident money manager than her working male spouse but who has no real power to direct our finances, and conversations go nowhere. How do I protect myself if we split up? (He is a dual American/UK citizen and I worry he could disappear). And what are the best things to do to set my kids up in the future – they are not trust fund babies, what is the next best thing?
i am freaking out about the state of student loans right now. Biden put the SAVE act in place and now the BBB (ughhhhhh) has undone it??? And now my payment is going to go up from 190 a month to 895?!?! I’m doing everything i can to appeal it but i just don’t understand how they can do this to us and i don’t hear anyone talking about it. like why are people not screaming about this??
How to invest in companies and sectors that don’t wreck our planet and our kids futures, and still make some modest returns?
I just had a baby and we don’t have a lot of extra income, but would love recommendations for what kinds of investment accounts to open for babies! Thanks in advance!
Highly recommend reading Ramit Sethis book I Will Teach You To Be Rich for basic understanding of how to manage personal finance. He also has a great podcast money for couples.
This is not exactly a financial question but something I find on my mind a lot lately – how do you teach your kids about the different kinds of jobs available (and that hopefully will stay available) and guide them as they/you make schooling decisions that could very well
Hello. I’m a librarian and can answer. There are lots of books on this topic in libraries! Some are geared for children. But there was one book (well really it is an online database occasionally printed into a book) called the Occupational Outlook Handbook and it was like an encyclopedia of careers and had actual outlooks on pay and schooling required. It was cool! I wish more people knew about it.
(having trouble commenting on mobile browser) that could very well affect the rest of their lives? I feel like I went to college with absolutely no idea what I was doing and I want to do better for my kid.
someone, please, very slowly explain to me the different types of IRA’s. who the hell is roth, and why is a back door, and ugh i give up, i’m putting my money in a coffee can.
I’m with you. Except what money ?. Ha. We spent a good part of our marriage with 3 dollars in our checking account. We had a lot of good laughs about it. One time my daughter found a dime in a store parking lot and we all needed it For something in the store. Me, my husband and young daughter. I can’t relate too much to this topic, but still reading it. I like your comment best. It’s the only one semi-relatable. Insert laugh emoji.
How do I know if I have enough for retirement?!
I’m young-ish (27) which I know some will consider VERY young– that said, what would your advice be for someone would has only like 2,000 in retirement. I know it should be much higher for my age, would you suggest some aggressive stocks or going to a financial advisor? Is it good to be financially riskier since I’m younger, or does slow and steady win the race?
I’m the last person to give financial advice but I just read in these comments about being 25 and if you save 100 a month it turns into a lot of money due to the words of ” compound interest ” So while you’re young, yes you are very young, guess it’s advantageous to do that ? I never did and it shows. Ha. I’m 66.
Hi Elsa, Only you can decide if you need a financial advisor. However, I used to have one and have fired him and here’s why: 1. The name of most of our games is to just put money away to grow over the years. The stock market needs people to be long-term investors and your standard plans (pre- or post-tax) are great vehicles for this. You can decide how risky you want to be but some great advice I’ve received was to just open an account and choose an S&P500 EFT with low fees, like Vanguard or Fidelity, possibly Schwab. 2. If you do that, it’s not hard, but using a financial planner will cost you AT LEAST 1%, if you can find one that will work with you with a balance less than $500k. 3. Ask yourself what that 1% buys you, and if that’s worth it. My previous financial advisors had me complete a survey. We never talked. My funds and I were shoved into an account bearing the vague shape of “good” market advice. It was not personal advice based on my needs or goals. This, my friend, is worth $0 in my mind. For some people it might buy them peace of mind. As your account grows, this 1% can be 5,000 per year or more. It sounds like no big deal but over time this adds up to a lot of money for someone else to earn mostly passive income from your account, whether it performs well or poorly. This income is “mostly” passive for them because they earn money in their sleep off your account. If you pay $5000/year and meet with them five times (that’s a lot of times for most advisors) then you pay them $1000 per hour of their time. (that’s a lot for an hour fee to tell you to keep saving money). 4. Many financial advisors will have a 30-60 minute call with you for free! Do this to meet them, ask them their philosophy about finance and why they like their job. Ask for a story of how they helped their clients. Even better if they advised their client in the way that was Best for the client but Adverse (less commissions) for them. Good luck.
I’m retired now (late 50s) and I started saving for retirement when I was 25. I probably had less than $2k in my accounts by the time I was 27! My opinion is that you do not need a financial advisor, and that it’s easier to take more risks at your age than at mine. Do what you can to increase the amount of money that you invest as your salary increases.
I work in finance. My advice: watch out for fees. 1% fees might not sound like much but their impact with compound year by year, eating away at your returns! Invest in low-cost index funds or ETFs (aim for a Total Expense Ratio of 0.2%, or even less if you can).
Do I NEED a financial advisor? How should I best maximize saving between regular bank accounts and investing? Day to day I don’t have debt and have saved a little but I feel like there are a lot of missed opportunities
Unless you have great wealth or a complex financial situation, you do not need a financial advisor. Some very general advice: invest in broad, low-cost index funds or ETFs (rather than individual stocks), automate your investments, and keeps investment costs down.
Can someone explain insurance to me??????????? Like, HSA or no HSA—-what to consider, how does it work………….HELP!
I would love it if you discussed how ro start your kids off on the right financial path. There are so many creative ways to do this. We made up our own version and see the beneficial results now that our 2 are in college. I think more parents need to teach their kids financial responsibility. Would love to hear more about this.
Second this! Especially when I grew up seeing my parents stress about money (for better or worse) whereas we have less day to day money stress so my kid doesn’t see that, has grandparents who buy him anything he wants,
I really loved “The Opposite of Spoiled” by Ron Lieber. Really practical advice centered around money values.
How on earth does any couple save for a wedding or first baby (or any big ticket item that comes around pretty suddenly) on their own?
You definitely need to interview the Barefoot Investor from Australia – not only l for his advice for adults but also for his advice for kids! We need to teach our children how to live within their means & be grateful and pay kindness forward.💓
Prenups. How do you even approach talking about it? What should one know about prenups before marrying?
How do people organize finances with their partner? Would love to hear different scenarios and the pros and cons. My husband and I have separate accounts and try to split expenses equally (like he pays the mortgage and I pay for childcare). Sometimes we consider combining accounts to make things simpler (but it also makes me anxious to think about not having my own account!).
My spouse and I have one shared account that all of the major bills are paid from- we each contributed based on our income. We have a few shared investment accounts and a savings as well. But we also maintained separate checking and savings, too, to save and spend as we wish.
We’re totally separate, Apple requests were our instant split for ages. We have a baby now, and since I’m the grocery shopper/baby researcher (it’s something I love, stresses my spouse to the 9’s!), they do a monthly lump sum transfer to me…all that to say, I think there are no rules like the ones you set yourself :) I also tell well-meaning meddlers whatever fib makes them nod and change the subject!
Definitely agree that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to sharing living expenses! I earn a higher salary than my husband and we try to split equitably rather than equally. We each put a set amount of money per paycheck into a joint checking account; our main expenses (groceries, eating out, recurring home bills) come out of there. We have a shared credit card that is generally for dog vet bills and paying for big trips and we pay that off jointly. We also have a joint savings account which we pay into (again, not equally) each month. We pay some bills out of there (tuition for our kid) and also siphon money out of there into our emergency savings (also shared). I also have my own accounts: – Checking that is just for my spending – A savings account – Credit cards (a rewards card + a paying down debt card) – A ROTH IRA – A regular IRA – A small investment account that I’m planning to hang onto until retirement or use if I need – My 401K retirement account through my work The main thing is, even if it would be more “convenient” to completely share finances… don’t. You deserve to have your own money and separate funds in case of an emergency. I have multiple friends whose relationships have dissolved and wound up responsible for their ex’s financial issues because all of their finances were joined. Better safe than sorry!
So personal, and I’ve heard lots of different answers. We have separate credit cards but share everything else — all accounts are joint. It works for us, because we are totally on the same page and have very similar money habits. Neither of us makes big purchases frequently, and we don’t check in with each other about daily purchases. We do a financial check-in every 6 months, because I manage all of our money and I want him to know where everything is in case I get hit by a bus.
Highly recommend the book Money for Couples by Ramit Sethi. Great book for setting up financial goals with your partner.
I want to know how other couples who are not yet married split dating costs. My boyfriend was let go from an extremely high paying job a year ago and has not been working since. He is being really frugal, which makes sense, but I find it a bit frustrating splitting everything 50/50 when I know he has way more savings than me. I do not need gifts but I still want to feel treated here and there.. how do you navigate financial convos when you are in the dating stage? My bf and I are in our 30s and not yet married
Finances while dating is definitely difficult and I’d be curious what others have done when there is differences in income and savings. Ironically in my last relationship I had a lot more saved but it wasn’t something he ever really asked about so I don’t know if he knew. We split rent according to our income split, other expenses 50/50
This is a weird one (or at least on I haven’t heard discussed) and comes from a place of privilege, so in general I’ve been disinclined to broach it with others, but it’s my primary financial concern and I’d love to know if others are in the same boat. I make above average money and aggressively responsible financial choices, and I’ve always been super economical – no kids, no house, saving like crazy. So I have some financial cushion. But it seems like every major milestone purchase I could make is unrealistic. In the current market with the current rates, homeownership just seems like a mathematically suboptimal choice compared to renting (esp in NYC, where even if you pay off a mortgage you’ll still make huge monthly HOA payments forever). I don’t think I have enough to provide kids with the kind of life I’d like to (paying for 4 years of college for each, for example). I don’t plan to pursue another graduate degree. I definitely can’t afford to quit working for good. Aside from retirement in the future, what do I have to work toward that seems realistic? Feels like there’s a huge monetary gulf between the financial goals I’ve attained and the typical ones still left to work toward. I have enough to travel and have some little treats like clothes or books or dinners out. Do I just float on that plateau between financial stability and very big money goals forever?
Thank you sharing your inquiry here: Aside from retirement in the future, what do I have to work toward that seems realistic? Feels like there’s a huge monetary gulf between the financial goals I’ve attained and the typical ones still left to work toward… — So well said. I have the same questions.
For those of us who are not from the US: maybe a ‘motherhood around the world’ but for finances? Wondering what is different in other countries.
Second this!
Yes please! This would be so fascinating – looking at the cost of living, giving birth, raising kids, buying or renting, transportation, approaches to saving and spending, retirement and social safety nets, etc. I would read a million of these!
Please please PLEASE!
This is different from so many of the other comments, but still valid I think – I’d like to hear how to build some financial stability for yourself if you’ve started late, have lots of debt, disability, lack of resources, etc. I see a lot of questions about investing, home ownership, etc, but I’m turning 40 next year, just unexpectedly out of a decade-long relationship with nothing to show for it financially, living paycheck to paycheck in a studio and going back to school. I lost years to chronic illness during which the last thing on my mind was saving for retirement etc and now feel impossibly far behind. A majority of my friends my age are stressed about money while sitting in homes they own with more than enough savings to cover them in case of life stressors or emergencies. That flavor of stress is entirely legitimate, but is most certainly not the only flavor. Would love to see more walks of life – people who came from nothing with no financial help from their families, people who have lost it all in divorce or other circumstances, people who have struggled to ever build financial stability due to various circumstances – and how did they build back? How did they improve their situation? Looking forward to taking a peek into different paths, and hoping that some of them give me hope for my future.
Also second this!
Yes, this!! It’s great for all of those who have retirement money saved, stable housing, helpful partner or family, and damn isolating for those of us that do not. We’re out here too! If you look at the stats, a majority of Americans are barely scraping by – last I saw 60something percent of people could not afford an emergency expense of $500. Would love to see beyond just the comfortable/stable/well-off perspectives.
Yes, also this! I, too, have an unusual and slightly disadvantaged background and I think about these things every day. How will I ever catch up? Can I *afford* to get old?
this x1000! I’m one of the only people in my social circle that doesn’t have the support of family either when younger (down payment on a house, education, able to stay with parents and save), or when older (stand to inherit a home or money when they pass). It feels considerably harder to navigate instability and financial decisions with no safety net. And yes, of course it’s hard dealing with aging parents – but it’s very different when they will leave you a home and an inheritance, vs having no resources with which to care for them.
Love the idea of making money talk less taboo! I’d love to hear about how to NOT work forever, or how to get to the point where you can work at something just because it’s what you’re passionate about (maybe starting your own business or side hustle) or something that’s unstressful. I’m no where near being financially independent, but am intrigued by alternatives to the “work until your 65” model that we follow. How are people retiring early, or finding flexibility in the work/life balance? I know it’s obviously more doable on a large salary, but what about ways to make it happen on a middle class one? Also, I’d love to hear about how to get over my fear of investing. I do have a Roth and a retirement account through my job, but everything in our country feels uncertain and like I can’t really rely on it right now and makes me feel more like I’m gambling my money than saving it. I need help reframing it since I’ve had many older and wiser people tell me that’s not the case.
Good debt vs. Bad debt, if that’s really a thing.
I hope the expert is Money with Katie! She is fantastic and a real girl’s girl. So glad you’re doing this column Cup of Jo team!
Where, oh where are our dear google sheet gals to make these resources into a beautiful shareable sheet for us? Fingers crossed someone needs a light organization task for the weekend :)
I would like to see real life examples of what people make, how they invest and what their expenses are based on city and region. Is it worth it to move to less expensive places?
This Substack is great, from the founding editor of Refinery29 Money Diaries. https://thepurse.substack.com/
Yes! I took the plunge and moved from Boston to Pittsburgh five years ago and have never looked back. I still miss Boston, but most of my friends left the city completely for financial reasons or moved way out to the suburbs. In Pittsburgh the traffic is minimal so I can see friends easily no matter what side of the city they’re on. I was able to buy a house on my own (with a super reasonable mortgage!) and I’m able to enjoy city things like sports games, restaurants, theatre, etc. In Boston mistakes were just so much more expensive—a street sweeping ticket wrecked my week. In Pittsburgh it can sometimes cost just 10 bucks. I do still miss the ocean and many other great things about Boston, but I am a real evangelist for moving to a more affordable place.
Second this!
Yes!! I love and need more of this! I am really enjoying The Purse on Substack for these conversations and transparent financial conversations and budgets! https://open.substack.com/pub/thepurse?r=1c507v&utm_medium=ios
Moving out of NYC to buy a $225K 4bed/2bath in Philly was hands down the best financial decision I ever made. I told it four years later for $375K, paid off my husband’s student loans, and upgraded to a nicer house out west that I never, ever would have been able to afford without the Philly fixer upper. The way that I thought about NYC was that I’d never get on the first rung of homeownership, and that more than a cool zip code I wanted a dog, a yard, and some equity. That decision really worked in my favor, but I don’t know if it was just lucky timing (that $225K home is twice as expensive today).
Woah the comments! Interview me! I cover parents with bad financial decisions, making smart choices young, daycare, planning for the future I want, and what truly having a partner in finance means. This probably will never happen but im putting it out into the universe. Excited to hear this topic discussed more on the blog since I come here for everything!
For those of you who have mortgages: pay your mortgage in two payments a month rather than one. NO ONE TELLS YOU THIS. I was playing around on my lender’s website and they have an amortization calculator, and an option was two payments a month. I clicked it, not expecting much, and it resulted in an enormous savings over the lifetime of the loan. Apparently interest accrues on a daily basis and by paying your mortgage in two payments a month, you pay off the interest more quickly, saving yourself a ton of money. I wish I’d known this from the start!
Just want to clarify that with most standard mortgages interest is calculated monthly, not daily. It could very well be that you have a Daily Simple Interest mortgage (DSI) which is not standard and if so I encourage you to review your loan details to ensure you are not getting charged penalties by paying your mortgage in 2 payments instead of one. You may have been looking at a biweekly payment calculator which results in making 1 extra mortgage payment a year that will get applied directly to principal, reducing time and therefore interest on your mortgage. Some banks may charge for this biweekly program that you can certainly do on your own!
I’m not sure if this is an option in the US (we’re in Canada) but we have a weekly mortgage payment for this reason! Definitely check that there’s no fee or penalty for it, but with the bank we ended up getting our mortgage through it was just one of their standard options.
Being in lesser financial class than your parents.
Upvoting this! I have to hear about my parents’ redecorating adventures every week while we are *struggling*.
Also it would be great to hear about the reverse situation.
I saw a Cup of Jo post about how to cope when your standard of living is more than what you grow up with, but I feel like some of are dealing with the opposite. The lives that we grew up with are just not attainable anymore without parental gifts and support. Any others out there ??
YES. I just listened to a great podcast (Money Feels) touching on how today, consumer culture has us splurging on mini luxuries (shoes, skincare, etc) because reaching the big milestones of our parents’ generation is no longer attainable.
Yes, totally.
My millennial friends and I talk about this a lot. We are scrimping to pay for groceries. Most of us make a decent salary and can barely afford a small home that our parents could have easily purchased 10 years younger than us. We have postponed having families or have fewer kids. We don’t go out to eat. Clothes are all secondhand. We are still paying off student loans. It’s bleak.
I would love to talk about how to navigate finances in a marriage, how to grow…I’m a stay at home mom and feeling frustrated with being in a one income household. what works best and where do you start investing…or do I?
How do people (in my case, dual income parents with very “normal” salaries) handle the temporary but very REAL cost of early childcare?? Especially with multiple kids! And often upgrading from a starter home into a larger home around the same time – I don’t understand it. People say you gotta “figure it out” but what does that mean? Do people take money out of 401K? It’s like having another mortgage payment on top of your normal mortgage payment and this feels like something that everyone stresses about, but no one actually talks about what steps they take or what the recommended steps are from experts.
This one right here.
Hi Alice, what I have seen in similar situations is borrowing from Roth IRA for the down payment on the starter home. Then, presumably your starter home appreciates and you use the profit when you sell it to get into a more expensive (larger) home. As to childcare payments-there is very little financial cushion when you are paying daycare, including only minimal (if any) being put into college/retirement savings. Once the kids no longer require day care, you will feel like you have a financial windfall and you commit to saving more then. Hang in there! xo
We are sticking with our small 2 bedroom condo. We just can’t afford anything bigger. It’s already so crowded and I don’t know if my toddler will sleep with her new baby brother in a room since she has always been a crappy sleeper. I guess we just do it. We are still saving for 401k. I am staying at work full time it’s not an option for me mentally to stay at home!!! I would love an extra room or even an extra closet but I feel lucky to even have a condo right now with real estate prices.
Agree!!! This is exactly what I lose sleep over!
This was a very big issue for us. What worked in our house was for nine years I worked every other weekend. I stayed home with the kids. Paying for daycare would have been giving one of our paychecks straight to the daycare. Not every workplace has weekend part time only options, but mine did. Even these little weird quirky ways should be mentioned because like you said, no one talks about it and sometimes its because it’s so strange that I have thought in the past, that I would be dismissed as too extreme. Hoping this helps someone.
We “simply” paid for the childcare (two kids, two years apart, full time care) and had very little savings during those years. Also – we’ve never moved from our “starter home” and don’t plan to. That lifestyle creep is part of what keeps people from being able to save. There are challenges, and benefits, to staying in a smaller home if you’re able.
Triple C – I’m currently doing the same, working some weekends to help our income. We have 5 kids and the cost of childcare wouldnt outweigh the benefit. Happy to hear others do this
I would HIGHLY recommend checking out the Financial Feminist podcast with Tori Dunlap and all her resources through her amazing business that focuses on women’s financial security and education, Her First 100K: https://herfirst100k.com/ She would also be a great person for Cup of Jo to feature and ask questions of!
I’m going through her book right now!!! Just set up a High Yield Savings Account and feeling really excited about that step.
I second this! I learned a ton from an investing workshop she did with Amanda Holden a few years ago.
This is an important topic especially with the rising cost of living. My question is how to prepare for the future and how to budget on small amount of income? At the moment, I’m working part time and try to set aside some money for rent and food. In reality, I would like to start saving up for a home. Like another commenter mentioned, I would be interested in understanding the emotional side of money. Finances weigh heavily on my mind.
Tips for getting ready to buy a home and how to decide if it makes more financial sense to rent or buy. A real look at what different people are spending on their mortgage and rent, what they earn, where they live.
I’m so turned off by talks about cryptocurrency. And yet…as the economy becomes more and more brittle, and more traditional forms of investing are corrupted, I’ve found myself getting more curious about crypto. But it’s a space dominated by bros! Can we get crypto 101 for the ladies and theybies?
yes to this! i’m a pretty financially literate person with a nicely diversified portfolio but crypto… freaks me out.
I work in tech policy, don’t buy crypto. It is honestly a ponzu scheme. Do I wish I’d $100 into Bitcoin in 2012 and now had $1.5 million? Sure, but that’s also like saying I wish I’d had some Apple shares before they released the iPod. It’s not the norm and is honestly like winning the lottery. Most crypto is insecure, not guaranteed, often a scam… and the people in it are the worst. Government is shaky but a credit index fund or even long-term bonds are still a better bet.
There’s an amazing group called ShiFi. And they give a class to help empower women/ladies/bi/ baddies to learn about crypto, and I loved it. It’s a whole new world but it’s a really cool group.
I would like to hear about finance and class consciousness, like how we can be mindful of the earning and saving potential we actually have when surrounded by aspirational financial messaging. Even this blog is often an aspirational escape, with featured shopping splurges and beautiful houses, and even kids that lots of people can’t afford to have haha. A lot of Americans think that they’re better off or about to be better off than they actually are, and that kind of thinking can also prevent us from saving by promoting living beyond our means in the now. But if everything’s on fire we all deserve an ice cream? I’d also like to hear about how different people finance living in an expensive city with different incomes. I live in DC and it’s a “spend $100 to walk out your door” type place where lots of us have to live here for our jobs and *don’t * make enough money to live here if we’re going off a firm model based on income-to-expenses ratios without weighing for cost of living.
yes, this!
Also live in D.C. for work. And otherwise have lived in London, Paris, New York and the Bay Area. The whole “spend 30% of your income” on rent is laughable to me. I usually am still making massive housing concessions to live in modest housing have never spent less than 45% of my take home on rent. Impossible to save for a down payment, despite being sooo careful. It’s really, really hard and feels like a racket.
Please check out The White Coat Invester. It’s geared toward physicians (lots of student debt, several years of schooling and then training and ultimately, good salary) but the basics and beyond and relevant to all. Jim Dahle, founder, genuinely seems to want to help others. Fantastic blog and books but free blog all you need.
I am a physician, and was so turned off by TWCI’s approach to paying off the loans basically by compromising your living location (live somewhere inland & cheap) and taking the highest paying job possible (private practice/hospital owned group > academic medicine). This is reasonable advice for some people, but others are from a coast and want to keep living on said coast, or feel called to areas of medicine that have lower reimbursement because they involve less clinical/patient-facing time. TWCI is the first finance book I ever read, but I honestly felt like I got more out of Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You to Be Rich and Katie Gatti Tassin’s Rich Girl Nation book/Money with Katie podcast. Imagine the life that you want and then use their tools/method of financial prioritization to help you get there.
basic concepts like compounding interest calculator so that folks can see how much starting to save EARLY – even if not much – will add up https://www.investor.gov/financial-tools-calculators/calculators/compound-interest-calculator for example if account is open with $500, add $100 per month – by age 65 will be $321k if starting at age 25, $141k if starting at age 35, $57k if starting at age 45
yes! i am so thankful to my 25 year old self who saw those calculators, believed in the math, and decided to live way below her means. the rate of return has been 90% so far and it just keeps growing.
Yes to starting early – my husband and I refer to it as the “snowball effect”. Spending our 20s living way below our means has paid off significantly. That said, we were lucky to be able to live below our means to begin with! We never made high wages, but we always had a safety net (both in our extended family relationships and in our own savings) and that’s nothing to sneeze at.
Credit cards! Which ones have the best points/benefits??
Seconded! With the Chase Sapphire changes coming, what’s the next move? Stick with it? Switch to something else?
Discovering Tori Dunlap, founder of Her First 100k financial education for women, was deeply empowering. Aknowledging the role of the patriarchy and moving forward with financial literacy in a practical and supportive space touched me deeply. I have shared her book with both my mom and MIL because they never had financial feminist advocates we are now so fortunate to enjoy. Tori would be an amazing resource for any COJ piece focusing on money.
1000% she’s amazing!
And her discussions about financial values are so important!
A while ago I read the book “Millionare Next Door” and it shattered my understanding of good saving and spending habits. One of the biggest takeaways, that I still struggle with, is that the wealthiest people are usually not big spenders. You would never know they have wealth. They often live in humble neighbourhoods and many of them own small businesses in the trades. Apparently we consciously and unconsciously try to match the spending habits of our peers. Who we surround ourselves with, has the biggest impact on our wealth. And I notice this in myself too. I’m always best with my money when i am surrounded by frugal friends. So, my question for the group is “how can we set boundaries around our own financial goals while maintaining happy relationships?”
Our neighbor who is in his mid fifties retired last year and if you looked at him, you wouldn’t think that he has saved up and is retired early. He drives 15 plus year old Toyotas and lives a regular life. Whereas in my friend’s circle, I see, folks spending close to 20k on a 50th birthday party, buys brand new cars, new dress for every single occasion when their closets are stuffed with clothes already and are living paycheck to paycheck. When you look from the outside, the second time highspender couple would look like wealthy folks but in reality don’t manage their money well at all. I think in this environment of constant buying, it would be great to have loud messages regarding saving/ investing, especially for young women.
Agree. Excellent book. Living below your means is an important first step.
I’m really interested in the emotional, relational side of finances! I’m actually pretty financially well-read but I really struggle with is where that practical advice runs into real life. My husband started a business a few years back and it devastated our finances. Should we stay stuck in this mud of debt and being broke in the hopes his business really takes off, or how can I possibly tell him I can’t keep dealing with the stress and lifestyle limitations of having such a tight income without the resentment ruining our marriage? Or, do I pursue a more senior job at work for the extra money that our family needs, knowing it will also mean a big increase in my hours and my husband having to adjust his business to meet that need (which could impact his business’s ability to grow)? How do I deal with never ending stress and guilt of our finances? Will I ever NOT feel like we’re behind and won’t catch up? It’s the emotions of finance that are crippling! One finance creator I’m really enjoying right now is Alyssa Davies (@mixedupmoney on IG). She’s actually studying to be a financial therapist so she dives into a lot of those underlying emotions around finances and the trauma we all carry regarding money. It’s crazy to realize how much of my money behaviors now are based on how I saw money in my family growing up or how I’m emotionally feeling about different things.
Shouldn’t starting a business be treated as more of a luxury? If you want to, great, but save up for it first, and have boundaries: if I’m not making x amount by y date, maybe back to work to save more. If you like taking risks, fine, but don’t do it with money you can’t afford to lose!
EEEEK! Love talking about money haha Could you cover topics such as income disparity in couples? Esoecially when the female makes significantly more and how couples, especially the woman deals with that. I struggle balancing the pride about my income and profession with the inevitable worry that I will be the breadwinner and the double responsibility that feels like. Especially in a future with kids and a household to run.
This is me! I earn more, work more hours, and also [try to] do all the mom things. It’s led to many interesting conversations in our marriage about gender roles, society’s expectations, our individual challenges as we navigate it, and our own underlying unconscious and conscious frameworks for how we want to raise our kids in terms of how they see both work and division of labor in the home. It’s not always easy, but I think we’ve navigated it well, mainly through communication and grace for each other.
I love this topic!
My husband was the stay-at-home parent for several years of our marriage. I earned the bigger income and it made sense. One has to get past societal (and consequently our own) preconceived notions. Also, with one parent at home, the couple has to make sacrifices. It worked out well for us.
So glad to see this topic will get some focus here! Finances are weighing on my mind heavily, and it’s hard to find advice out there that’s actually helpful and relevant to me. I’d really appreciate content that’s geared toward those of us who are fairly financially literate, but struggling. Because here’s the thing: I already know how much I should ideally have in my emergency savings. I understand the tax benefits of an HSA. I’m familiar with the difference between a traditional and Roth IRA. I know what the target stocks-to-bonds ratio is for my age, goals, and risk tolerance. AND… I am barely getting by. But so much financial advice for people who are struggling seems to assume that you just don’t have a grasp on the basics, or that you have a money mindset problem, or that you lack common sense. It’s insulting and unhelpful. Personally, I’m about to go through a divorce as a self-employed freelancer with marketplace health insurance, student debt, and a modest investment/retirement savings portfolio. Business has been terrible this year, and I’ve depleted my savings to a dangerous level. We’ll be selling our house and losing our 3% interest rate. I’d have to get a loan if I wanted to buy out my husband and keep the house, and I don’t want the extra burden of that debt or of taking care of this house and yard alone. But that means I’ll be entering the rental market (which, like everywhere, is not great) and likely paying twice as much money for less than half the space I currently have. Selling the house will at least mean I’ll have some liquid cash as a safety net in the short-term, but I obviously don’t want to blow through that. I might have to put my business on the back burner and get a job (and I am already looking), but that’s a tough market right now, too. Easier said than done. I know I’m far from alone in all of this—and that I’m among the more fortunate and privileged. Between the economy, the political landscape, the job market, and the unsustainable cost of living, mental health is a major factor in all of this and a real issue for the majority of Americans who are struggling. I’d love to see deeper conversations about all of this, along with some practical, realistic, and creative ways people like me can help ourselves—and each other—right now. And long-term, on a larger scale, what can we do collectively to get the hell out of this mess? Because clearly, no one is coming to save us.
I am sorry I don’t have useful advice, just simple encouragement. Also self-employed and a bad year for business and had to rely on savings. For what it’s worth, I feel your honesty, resilience, and positive attitude obvious just in this comment will lead you! I often find self-employed people are uniquely creative, hard-working, scrappy, and not afraid to try new things. You will find your way through!
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Card options for kids/teens! A lot of local businesses don’t take cash and as my kids become more independent I’m not sure how they should pay for things. And of course teaching kids about finances without shaming those who struggle with saving, etc.
Green light app has debit cards which they can use and have been great for my girls!
Hi, I have a card linked to a Cashapp account that my 12 year old uses. I can put money on the card at any time, all he needs to remember is the 4 digit pin, and what I love best is I get a text whenever the card is used. So I can see exactly what he is spending.
Curious how others are handling living expenses (not tuition) for the children in college? I’m trying to find fairness for my boys in differing situations. One is in a beach town, rides his bike to his job (works about 12-16 hrs p/wk ) and contributes towards his rent & expenses. We pay about 60% to cover the rest. The other is at university in Oregon, without a car, and in a very rainy climate and doesn’t have a job (yet). We pay for rent + food at his fraternity chapter house, additional food on weekends and all other expenses. Trying to find fairness and don’t have endless funds. How are you all handling this? Also, at what point do you cut off or reduce funding your 20-something children fresh out of college (mine are 2nd and 3rd year)?. The cost of living is so expensive.
not sure if this helps but I graduated from college 9 years ago. My dad gave me $2000 to help me buy furniture as a grad gift, but otherwise I had no financial support from my parents after graduation. I had a low paying job in a HCOL. I really valued my financial independence then and now!
This is how I handle expenses for my college kid; my position is that I will provide everything that’s needed to do well in school: academic costs, healthy food, safe living space. 1. I pay for everything that is connected to his classes: all tuition, books, course and lab fees. 2. I pay for the lowest cost housing option that is a reasonable place to live; i.e. clean, reasonable distance to classes, safe, reasonably comfortable, etc. He’s on study abroad now, and there was a more expensive flat option, and a less expensive flat option which was a 10 minute further walk. He’s in the less expensive flat because that 10 minute extra walk is reasonable and also, on principle, I don’t always want my kid to have the easiest, best option. 3. I pay for food costs related to what is a healthy diet for my kid’s body. My kid needs a lot of calories, so when he’s living in the dorms that means I pay for the largest meal plan option. 4. This semester he’s living abroad, living in a flat and cooking. We talked about what felt like a good plan before he left, and I said I’d pay for all his vegetables, fruits, beans, whole grains, plain yogurt, etc., and he could use his own money to buy meat, ready made foods, and other stuff. Neither of us are vegetarians, but meat is expensive and not a necessity for a healthy diet! So this selective subsidizing encourages him make choices that also help him feel well fed and healthy. He sends me screenshots of his grocery receipts, I venmo him a rounded off reimbursement for those items. (We’re high trust, and this wouldn’t work if he was making sneaky side agreements to buy things for other people and pocketing the cash, but that wouldnt’ happen and this works really well for us.) With mom paying for all his healthy basics, he then pays for any and all eating out that he chooses to do. (Both at his home campus, and on study abroad.). 5. Before he went away for his first year of college, I stocked a household meds shoe box with acetaminophen, ibuprofen, basic first aid, sore throat tea, lozenges, Pepto, Tums, and cold and flu meds. I made a cheat sheet of when and how to use each item and taped it to the inside lid of the box. 6. About a month before each school year I’ll let him know that I’m shopping for household goods, and if there’s anything he wants before he goes to school to let me know by the end of the week. Stuff like toothpaste, shampoo, face soap, a package of socks, etc. If he remembers to get back to me, I’ll buy those things for him to start the year. If he doesn’t remember, oh well! He’ll need to work that stuff out when he gets back to campus and hit the stores. 7. All other costs at college are his responsibility: concert tickets, going out, his clothes, recreational travel. He has a summer job and has learned to be frugal! He also works on campus for spending money.
Kate, Thank you for such a thoughtful and comprehensive comment! My kids are still in grade school, but I saved your words for the future when I am navigating how to help them become independent adults!
Also chiming in here, I’m in my 30s and my parents kindly paid for my tuition and housing during college and then that was it! They cut me loose post graduation (with a used car and a backup plan of being able to live at home if I needed to). In retrospect I’m enormously grateful they did this – they were super clear from the outset that this would be happening, and I got to have the chance to really give it a go on my own! I made peanuts, lived in a tiny apartment with three roommates in a high cost of living city and I think it was really good for me to strike out on my own. I grew a lot of confidence during that time. They helped at times with things like medical bills and car repairs but really that’s it. I was lucky to always have living at home as a safety net but I never needed it. I think the key for me and them was communication. They always communicated what the arrangement would be from the outset, and if I needed more help they expected me to communicate about it. Good luck! Being parents to young adults in these times sounds super hard and it sounds like you’re being really intentional about it. Your kids are lucky to have you!
Kate your comment made me honestly tear up, what a wonderful caring mum you are! Such a thoughtful balance of supporting your son with the important foundations whilst also encouraging him to develop independence and learn to look after himself. I’m sitting here watching my 5 year old son play with his toys and am thrilled to think that in 14 years I will still get to mother him just in a whole new way!
My parents didn’t give me a dime when I moved out at 18, they wouldn’t even co sign student loans. I went on to get four college degrees. I’m still resentful they would not contribute anything to tuition, even. I could barely afford to eat and had to work full time while taking a full class load. I think you can decide on an amount that works for you financially, give it to your children equally, and they can invest the money after that or spend as they see fit. But I don’t know your situation! Definitely set boundaries on the amount you will pay and how long you will offer that support.
I’m in college right now as is my twin sister and this is how my parents handle it. Our parents agreed to cover 90% of our education each. So I have a loan from my parents due after I graduate for 10%. While I’m in college, they cover 100% of tuition, food, housing, and books. Financial aid goes towards my parent’s portion of the bill while scholarships I applied for and earned go towards my portion of the bill. But what my parents cover for my sister and I are different based on the tuition. I go to a cheaper college with a lower cost of living area. My parents said that a part of this agreement was 4 years of on campus living and meal plan. So when I wanted to move off campus, my parents said they would cover my rent up to the amount of on campus living and my food expenses up to the cost of an on campus meal plan. The same for my sister. But those amounts were very different for each of us because on campus costs tend to at least somewhat reflect cost of living in the area and we go to college in very different cost of living areas. So the amount for rent per month from my parents was something like 1500 a month for my sister while mine was 900. And both of us found reasonable off campus housing rent under those amounts. Outside of that, living expenses (concerts, eating out, travel, etc.) are our own personal responsibilities. After I graduate, it will be free for me to live at home otherwise I am totally on my own. The gift was graduating almost entirely debt free (which is extremely generous already) and that’s about it.
I was in college 20 years ago but my parents paid for on campus housing and dining plan and that was it. I had a campus job (god I hope those still exist) and I worked in the summer. I bought all my own books. And I am still salty about the (many) friends whose parents paid their school bookstore tabs and sent them money whenever they asked. That wasn’t my situation but I honestly was never deprived.
We cover all tuition, housing, and groceries. The tuition comes from college savings accounts that were created when our kid was a baby, and we have enough to fully cover undergrad (state school). Our student was unable to find a campus job all during their freshman year, and not for lack of trying. They have a great campus job now but we were all surprised at how competitive the market was for entry level jobs that worked with their school schedule.
College is so expensive these days and I think a lot of the important work happens in helping our kids make wise choices before they go. We’ve had 3/5 kids head to college thus far. My husband and I determined early on that we had the goal of helping them get reliable transportation, setting up their college dorm, and contributing a set amount of money to their college experience. We wanted it to be as fair as possible and communicated that with them throughout the college application process so that they could make a wise choice. Kid #1, we went 50/50 on a car in his senior year of high school. After a few scholarships, his costs for tuition + room and board and books was going to be $8000 per year which we would cover. But he had to get a job and cover all of his other expenses. He did that, but had a rough time with self-discipline and dropped out after his first year. Since then, he has found roommates and worked to provide for himself. He never wanted to move back home although he knew we were always here for an emergency, but he has made it work, is working his way up in an company, and is now engaged at 23. Kid #2 got an athletic and academic scholarships to a smaller private school. Her first year tuition was $5k. In high school, she gave a lot of her time to sports, so she wasn’t able to work as much, but it paid off in scholarships. We went 75/25 on a car, knowing that her overall college expenses would be less and gave her $300 a month allowance. This helped her immensely in the beginning, especially being an athlete. In the off season, she found work as a volleyball referee to build up a savings account. Sophomore year, she decided to become a resident advisor, which is a juggling act with sports, but gets her free housing and a paycheck. Now in her Junior year, we will pay $1200 total for the rest of her time in college. She no longer gets an allowance from us, but we have put a couple of thousand into her savings as a reward. She will graduate a semester early with no debt and at least $10k in savings. Kid #3 was valedictorian of his graduating class, but he had his heart set on a more expensive school with less scholarship opportunities. He worked at an ice cream shop during most of high school. We went 50/50 on his car in his senior year. We also tried to encourage him to look at other schools to see if he could find a better deal, but in the end, he had his mind made up. In the end, after scholarships, he still needed $20k a year. We committed to the $8k per year that we promised all of our kids. He split the remaining between a $5k student loan and he works two on campus jobs to pay the remaining $7k each year. He doesn’t get an allowance, but all of his meals are covered if he eats on campus. We talked all of this through with him before he made his final decision so he knew what his responsibilities would be. And he continues to research and apply for more scholarships to hopefully eliminate the loan going forward. He is majoring in mechanical engineering so we knew the school he attended was important to him. Now #4 (a high school junior) is weighing her options between junior college, a 4 year university, and cosmetology school so we are helping her research her options. I think the biggest thing is determining what is financially responsible as parents. I know we are very blessed to help our kids in the way we have, but we definitely don’t have unlimited resources. Having a plan and setting realistic expectations with our kids has been key. I think that whatever your resources are, it is always a good idea for kids to “have some skin in the game.” It helps them grow in confidence and work towards adulthood instead of falling into it. And I hope that above all my kids know that while we believe in them and have certain expectations for them, we will always be here when they need us. Each of our kids has a unique path, we just really want them to have a good work ethic and solid character.
Im divorced and now living on a single income and it’s hard. I have a really well paying job but paying for all household expenses – especially utilities- gas heat was almost 600 bucks last Jan/Feb is killing me. I really am living paycheck to paycheck and trying not to rack up any credit card debt. I have 2 boys and they eat so much now lol. But seriously I’d love info or advice on how to save something in this situation so I can feel better about my cushion. My ex is getting remarried and I’m very jealous he will have two paychecks coming in again, ugh. I’m very happy being divorced but it can just be tough and I really have to make a concerted effort not to compare myself to other families who seem to travel tons and have huge houses etc. I have had to really adjust my expectations, like I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to afford owning property again, seems daunting at times for one person.
If your ex pays you child support, hire a financial mediator with expertise in child support to rerun the dissomaster calculation for you when he gets remarried. His tax filing status will change and the amount he owes you will also change—in my case in the same scenario it increased by a few hundred dollars a month. (The reason to hire an expert is so he can’t argue with you about the results.)
I was talking with a friends and I noticed that I have more problems to talk about sex but I’m glad to talk about finance…why is still considered a taboo talk about money?
I think money discussions can often get competitive, and maybe that’s why we steer away from them. My friends and I are in the 35-45 range and we’ve only just started openly talking about money, investing, pros and cons to high paying jobs vs pros and cons to lower paying jobs (but with flexibility and amazing time off benefits)…. its nice to empower each other, and root for each other!!! I think that’s maybe the reason it works – its not a competition!) Its become sharing of info and celebrating wins and genuine empathy for difficulties.
I’d love to hear how people simplify their finances. My game changer moment was when I opened a 2nd checking account with my bank just for bill paying (and named it that as its nickname so I know). I have some major bills that are paid from that account (mortgage, HOA fees, insurance, etc.)I transfer money for bills to that account each payday. Then what’s left in my main checking account is for gas, groceries, streaming subscriptions, etc. Removed a burden I didn’t realize was there until it was gone. I was trying to constantly calculate how much I needed to remain in the one checking account to cover all bills. But somehow money still overwhelms. me. Also, learning how to save. Are most people great at saving for …everything? I picture people walking around confident in their finances and saving for the future while I feel like I’m floundering.
I’ve been investing in the stock market since I was 22 (I’m now 66). I’m no expert (I’d love a column on deciphering balance sheets) but investing is an important topic to learn about. If nothing else, stock market hiccups don’t rattle me because I’ve lived through so many. In the meantime, I’d like to encourage COJ readers to watch “Wealth Track,” hosted by former WSJ reporter Consuelo Mack, in which she interviews various mutual fund managers, financial journalists, and equity/bond experts. Some of the conversations are challenging to follow but over time viewers can learn a lot about the market. She also recommends reading Warren Buffet’s annual letters to shareholders as a way to educate yourself about business. They’re available to everyone. In fact, a COJ interview with Mack could be a fascinating read.
How do you get started in investing? I have no clue and would like to put a little bit of money in an investment account that’s not retirement.
@sib, not the OP but I got started by using a site like etrade.com (the one I started with no longer exists!) where it automatically takes money out of your checking account every month and invests it for you. In my case, I set it up to invest $100 per month. I selected four different stocks I wanted to invest in and the monthly $100 was divided into those four stocks. It was an easy and fun way to start, and a pretty simple way to watch how investing worked first hand.
I feel sick to my stomach thinking about the companies profiting from war, prisons, immigrant detention, deportation, environmental devastation… I know that many of the people I love oppose these things but are nevertheless investing in them because our personal finance systems make it easy to invest in things without knowing what they are. It’s bleak and sobering to consider. What I want to know is how to change our economic system full stop. Barring that, how do we support the things we actually care about while starving companies like Avelo, Geo Group, and Core Civic (to name a few) that profit from human suffering?
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Thank you for saying this. I want to learn a lot more about socially responsible investing. It makes me sick knowing that a lot of stock market returns/wealth building is also contributing to climate destruction.
Yes please!! I’d love to see a write up on this
Yes I third this ! Not just learning about investing but responsible investing!
Money questions-do allowances for young children mean saving or spending? Do allowances always come in the form of money? Ever take your teen to the bank to open an account? Do you introduce being charitable to young people?
We give our kids a dollar for every year of age, every month. $6 when they’re 6, etc., until they’re 18. It’s not tied to chores because you help out around the house because you live here and benefit from an orderly living space. The trip to the bank to open an account happened when they get their first job, which is when the saving-for-something-big conversations also took place. We do most of our charitable donations in December and decide the big one as a family, so they have a sense of how it works although they’re not quite ready to be donors themselves.
Midge, interesting! We started in-kind donations early. Financial contributions much later. Volunteering very early. As for allowances never started. Birthday money, family $ gifts went in an acct setup at birth. I was raised the same way so I guess habit led me.
When I was a kid, I got an allowance from my parents but part of the agreement was I always had to put 50% in my savings. (I think I got a savings account at like 10? Under my parents account of course. It was really really young.) This continued until I got my first job at 16 and my parents let me decide what to do. Guess what I decided? To keep saving, even more. I had few expenses in high school so I think I saved 90%+ of every paycheck. Once I got a car it turned into 75% but still aggressively saving. To this day I save very aggressively and I’m very grateful for the lesson from a young age.
Please (please please please) explain how to invest in the stock market. Please explain it to me like a 5 year old! I feel totally intimidated by this process even though it seems like everyone does it!
You can’t time the market as an amateur, so put your money on an index tracking fund handled by people who know what they are doing, you don’t need to do more than that. Any of them is fine (Vanguard for example). Ask your regular bank for help starting with this, and just set up regular transfers like you would for a savings account.
Read “The Simple Path to Wealth” by JL Collins. I can’t recommend it highly enough; it is everything you need to know and it’s eminently readable. https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-simple-path-to-wealth-revised-expanded-2025-edition-your-road-map-to-financial-independence-and-a-rich-free-life-jl-collins/c671db2a2c13ecd0?ean=9798893310856&next=t
Get a financial advisor who only charges based on trades. I have 300k invested but I only paid them 400 last year. Ed jones is a great place to start.
Invest in a S & P 500 index fund. Yes there will be ups and downs, but it will never go to $0. If a company goes bankrupt, a new company takes its place. If it goes to $0, there is no more US economy. Average return over the last 20 years, 9.7%. It’s not splashy, it’s not sexy, it’s consistent.
Anonymous… 1. Open a web browser 2. Go to etrade.com 3. Open a brokerage account 4. Link it to your checking account 5. Set up automatic monthly transfers from your checking account to brokerage, whatever you can afford. 6. Buy shares of VTI each month with the money you are transferring from your checking account. Or… If you work for a company that has a retirement plan (401K, 403B, or similar), and they will match up to a certain limit what you are contributing, do that instead.
No need to hire an advisor. When I first opened my investment account, I was intimated too but I found youtube videos showing step by step screenshots of what to click to open an account, transfer money, and choose an investment option. Pick a brokerage (Charles, Vanguard, eTrade – they are very similar so it is really a personal preference. Read comparisons online). Then invest in an index fund like VOO or VTI.
I was in the exact same boat a couple of years ago. I follow a financial educator (She Wolfe of Wall Street) and she offers a free 1 hour investing class for absolute beginners – like walks you through it. I have very little money to invest but it has been so satisfying to see it grow! https://shewolfeofwallstreet.com/free-investing-class
I agree, The Simple Path to Wealth is an awesome book! I have a copy and re-read occasionally. I also sent a copy to my mom and sister because JL Collins breaks things down so well!
Seconding She Wolfe of Wall Street, she’ll give you all the basics.
I am about to go through a divorce. We didn’t share accounts or savings and split bills. I know he has a mountain of debt that I will acquire half of (living in California). I’m in my 40s and will be starting over with kids and scraping by on my income. I don’t have a huge retirement or savings and half will go to him anyway. Is there hope? I am frugal and great with budgets, is there a way to get ahead with a small amount to save or invest each month? Depending on just me is terrifying.
So very sorry you had to go through this. Just saw it was one year ago. How are you doing? Did you make it through okay?
No advice, just want to say I’m sure this all feels very overwhelming. You will get through it. Sending hugs.
This sounds like a lot. Sending big hugs. First of all, congratulations on doing the brave thing a getting a divorce. It seems like it will be worth it in the long run. w Secondly, there is hope. The best advice I ever got is that we really don’t need much. Modern society would convince us otherwise. There is a great book called “Hunt Gather Parent”. It talks about the importance of getting kids involved in chores early on. It teaches them executive function, builds confidence and helps them transition to adult life much better. It also helps manage ADHD, which is a big thing in my home. When they are little, they watch you do chores, then they do it with you, then independently. It becomes connection and quality time if done right. It minimizes the need for endless toys and activities. It also frees up time for you, which you will desperately need. And also, time is $$$. The first few days were a challenge but my home is a lot happier now and my hard work is more appreciated. I copied a link to an article by the author in case that is helpful. It came recommended by a psychologist I see for family issues. https://www.mvhealthnews.com/theres-a-better-way-to-parent-no-yelling-no-praise/
Hire a financial meditator for your divorce instead of litigating. It’s cheaper and you have more flexibility, as long as you can reach a mutual agreement. I also went through a divorce in California and ended up negotiating to take far less than half of my ex’s debt.
Prenups! Paula Pant of the Afford Anything podcast has done some great coverage of this lately–prenups are not just for the super wealthy!
1. Get a financial planner to help you invest and strategize your long-term goals. 2. Put extra money into a high-yield savings account (I use Everbank). 3. Track your exact budget, from the tiniest expenses to your monthly bills. Look at where you can cut expenses and set a reasonable monthly budget. 4. If your employer has a percentage match for 401K, make sure you are at least investing the minimum they will match. Money can be scary, but I guarantee you’ll feel better if you educate yourself on the basics! 5.
The first bullet should come with SO many asterisk, the first being make sure you know what they’re charging you! Fee based, versus percentage based, is such a better way to do this, and will save you tens of thousands of dollars.
And make sure your financial planner is a FIDUCIARY. That means they have to make decisions based on your best interests, not because they’re getting kickbacks from a particular fund.
You are correct! I should have clarified that planners should be fee based, great point and crucial.
Don’t get a financial planner; without knowing what you need and what you’re looking for, you will paying fees you don’t need to and don’t realize aren’t required. Read “The Simple Path to Wealth” by JL Collins. I can’t recommend it highly enough; it is everything you need to know and it’s eminently readable. Yes, track your spending so you have an understanding of where your money is going, from there you can make informed choices about how to go forward. https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-simple-path-to-wealth-revised-expanded-2025-edition-your-road-map-to-financial-independence-and-a-rich-free-life-jl-collins/c671db2a2c13ecd0?ean=9798893310856&next=t
my husband just retired. anything on money in retirement would be great!!
How do couples split bills? Do people use apps? Spreadsheets? Do you split bills based on income, or evenly? Do most people have a shared credit card or their own? I have been in a relationship for 15 years and we still don’t know how to answer these questions.
Great questions. I think every couple is different. My partner and I sit down annually to update a budget in a spreadsheet. We maintain separate accounts and pay bills mostly equally since we have similar incomes. The biggest monthly expenses (mortgage, 1 car payment, phone and gas bill) are on auto pay.
We have one shared checking account that we each contribute to in proportion to how much we earn – basically just enough to cover joint bills and expenses (mortgage, utilities, food, etc.). I can’t imagine having to track and bill each other for our share each month – this approach avoids that. Then we each have our own checking accounts for extra $ that we spend however we want. Also sit down a couple times a year to look at savings (cash and stocks) and how much we’re each contributing, then make adjustments as needed.
All our money is put together. We don’t have separate money or split bills. We make joint decisions on big purchases. We sometimes disagree. We do agree on what we wanted our life to look like and basic spending habits. That is an important part, people have very strong feelings about money and how to spend or save it. I took the lead on investing our money. Our home is jointly owned as are all vehicles etc.
I highly recommend interviewing women who have gotten prenups. Yes they are deeply unsexy (and a buzzkill, let’s be honest), but half of marriages end in divorce and women are fully at a disadvantage, salary wise, in the working world. Every personal finance book I’ve read has suggested this, and even though I am happily married, I am glad to have one. Also the process of putting it together forced a lot of really interesting conversations about how we view money as a tool in our lives. So for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t forget that if you’re getting married, that is also probably the biggest financial decision you’ll ever make. Empower yourself to know what all that entails!
Re: prenups — exploring this in a U.S. context AND a non-U.S. context. For example, my husband is Dutch and I have since learned prenups in the Netherlands are much more normalized.
Also interested to learn more about post nups.
Yes! And it’s useful to remember that in the U.S., everyone who’s married is either generating their own prenup or allowing the state to do it for them. It’s not really a matter of not having one, you’re either abiding by the laws and customs of the state your divorce is filed in or your own legal paperwork, so might as well customize it as you see fit!
I would love to learn more about retirement advice for women specifically. How does longer life expectancy and the income gap impact retirement decisions for women? How can stay at home parents contribute to their retirement while not earning an outside income (Spousal IRAs?)
Please bring on experts like Amanda Holden (aka Dumpster Doggy) and Katie Gatti Tassin! The bestttt 💫
YES to Katie Gatti Tassin. I love her podcast so much.
Would love to also have life insurance be a part of this!
Not a question, but a topic that I think is very important and overwhelming- why is estate planning important and what are some affordable ways to get a will? I would be happy to help you all put together a post on this topic. I am an estates attorney working in-house for a company, who doesn’t write plans. So, I have no personal interest in drumming up business, I’m just someone who is passionate about this part of financial literacy/adulting who struggled to follow my own advice.
Yes!!!! My father in law recently passed away and our lives have been completely turned upside down. I’m learning that this is such an important part of financial planning. My husband is having to close out both of his parent’s estates and it’s messy. We are spending a small fortune in legal fees that could have been avoided. This is such an important topic! Please share your wisdom:)
Yes please! I would love to see info about estate planning and what folks need to do/know. I know I need a will but what about a trust, etc.? What the heck is probate?
Second this – would love to learn more! Basics of what pre-planning is necessary to make it as easy as possible and to avoid dreaded legal fees
One of my favorite financial follows is Mrs. Dow Jones! She’s a delightful Instagram personality who breaks down financial know-how into a very fun, pop culture coded style. Would love to see her pop up on CoJ!
I agree…love her! After her post this week about PODs and TODs, I immediately called my dad and asked him to take care of these two very important things, because his Will is not going to be enough. So thankful I saw that post!!
I love Mrs. Dow Jones! She is a wealth of info, delightful and in NY. We need her brain here, must!