Have a Sweet Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Freddie is currently napping on the sofa while I finish this post, and then we are going to walk around the neighborhood and check out the Halloween decorations. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Zarna Garg has never said “I love you” to her husband. Plus, she tells us about going from stay-at-home mom to stand-up comedian, how she stays close to her adult children, and the #1 question to ask before having sex. (Big Salad gift link, free for everyone)
I’d like to wear this barn jacket every day.
And these are my current favorite jeans; they fit so well.
Four words to diffuse any awkward situation. (Time)
Emma Thompson + Ruth Wilson in a British crime thriller? Saving the date of October 29th.
Instead of “empty nest,” let’s rename it “open door.”
Greta Lee takes NYC in a pair of structured suits. (Harper’s Bazaar)
Don’t you love these bookshelf lights?
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Chris on what tv/movie character led to your sexual awakening: “As I got married, had difficult children, and became very busy and older and wider and more tired, I ended up feeling very disconnected from my body and needs. Then I read Heated Rivalry and The Long Game by Rachel Reid. Wow, that brought me back! Somehow the two lovely male leads reminded me what it meant to want, and better yet, to get out of my head about caring about judging myself, my body, what I wanted to do, and still being shy with my husband of thirty-some years. It’s been amazing to feel free. You may or may not like the books, but I highly recommend just going for what you want and not apologizing for yourself and your life!”
Says Kit on what tv/movie character led to your sexual awakening: “I visit Cup of Jo often, and I came back here to say:
- I LOVE this comment section with every fiber of my being and will come back forever to see updates
- If I had the time, I would make a comprehensive Google Sheet list of all of these…for science ;)
- I love CoJ for many reasons, one being its intentional work at inclusiveness. But until this comment section I did not fully realize the number of LGBTQ+ peeps here, and I just want to say hello from a fellow bi and I’m so glad to see you all here, too.”
Says Sarah on nine readers share their colorful rooms: “OMG I am the beige-est girl of all time and this has me wanting to paint my whole house.”
(Photo by goldendoodledoos.)
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Comments
104 commentsSuch a good round up here – thank you! I truly enjoyed it (especially the Emma Thompson trailer, the “knit hello”, and the empty nest/open door discussion).
Ok, I have a funny story linked to this picture. Turns out these are the dogs of my local barrista’s mom. I first saw pics of them after COVID, and didn’t think a thing. Through a very random convo with my barrista, she told me her mom had very fluffy dogs and a massive following on instagram: @goldendoodledoos – have a look!
I was Ms Garg’s biggest supporter when she started. But now she propagates such stereotypes about Indians that I feel second hand embarrassment for my whole community. She is still stuck in the 90s while India has very well moved on. I really wish she would fly to India more often and see for herself!! I cannot absolutely stand her any more.
In response to: “empty nest,” let’s rename it “open door.” A friend of mine just told me about how she has taken a step back from her career to allow her to focus on her family and traditionally we’ve called this “leaving the workforce” or “stepping back” or similar, and instead she reframed it as a “power pause” and I had never heard that before but think it’s a beautiful shift in perspective.
Your friend is so smart. Congrats to her. The years of the “young family” were so much fun. And very fleeting.
Yes! Neha Ruch coined that phrase, I believe, and released her book by this name this year. Love it!
I just bought those AYR jeans last week and can attest they are the best fitting jeans I’ve tried in a LONGGG time – they are perfect for dabbling into the barrel leg/more relaxed fit but not wanting to look baggy/frumpy. I am obsessed – paired with a mary jane flat – they are perfect! (And fit TTS if anyone is wondering)
The Cotswold kitchen and entire house feels like a warm hug. Very Nancy Meyers-ish indeed!
I was surprised not to see any links to articles about the ceasefire here, as it’s surely one of the biggest global new stories and considering you have posted re: the war in Gaza multiple times, even offering ways to help. Many of your readers have expressed such emotion in the comments section, desperate, like many, for peace. Was there a particular reason you decided not to mention it?
I think people know about it, and it’s amazing news, if it holds. We aren’t a news site, so we usually only post news when we want to do a call to action. Hope that makes sense!
Israël just said they would allow only 300 aid trucks into Gaza and not the 600 trucks promised in the ceasefire. I too was hoping for a real ceasefire and hope but unfortunately we have to keep protesting and keeping an eye on what’s going on…
“As I got married, had difficult children, and became very busy and older and wider and more tired” – I have never related to anything more than this opening line…
Yes!
100%
That line really nailed it.
I’m obsessed with these sweet doggies in the wind <3
Emm, have a look at their insta. @goldendoodledoos ;)
We ended up putting our dog down today. She was an 11 year old English bulldog, so it wasn’t totally surprising, but she had a seizure earlier today and another one at the vet. She was the first dog I’d ever had and I am way more sad than I anticipated. She was super confused and disoriented at the end and I’m not sure she recognized us, but I hope we gave her a good life.
Im so sorry. Thats really hard and you did a very loving thing. You were wonderful with her. Asking the question shows how much you cared for her.
Sara B, I’m sending you so much love. I lost my soul dog at 13 in a similar way. She was a boxer/bulldog mix rescue that I had for 7 wonderful years. She had a seizure at the groomer, then another at the vet. Our choices were to let her die naturally, possibly in pain, or make the compassionate, gut-wrenching choice to help her out of her discomfort and confusion. I was honored and devastated to be with her in those final moments. I find the grief comes in waves, especially during quieter moments. You made the most loving, selfless choice for your beloved family member. What a lucky girl to be yours. I’m so, so sorry you lost your pup.
Sending so much love. We had to put our 15 year old Shih Tzu down a month ago, and it was (still is) so hard. You did give your dog a good life, and I truly believe that love stays with us (maybe even helps us love more). – Hugs from another Sara without an h
Sending your so much love! I pet your sweet pup was absolutely perfect ❤️ And she definitely knows that you loved her the whole way until the end. I also had an older dog who suddenly died. It’s confusing when they are fine and happy until suddenly they are very very sick. When our dog, Millie, passed away we write a journal if our favorite memories of her. Maybe that is something that would help you as well. Hugs!
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sara B. Your dog was your family, and the grief is real. You gave her a wonderful life and you did the hardest, kindest thing at the end. May her memory be a blessing ❤️
Sending you so much love, Sara. I said goodbye to both my dogs last year, and it was the hardest, saddest thing I’ve ever done. I’m absolutely certain you gave her the most wonderful life.
Oh my heart goes out to you, Sara! How difficult to face that loss. We walked a similar path and the end just came so fast. I’m sure she felt love with you right to the end.
I am so so sorry Sara. We had to put our beloved 12 YO Australian Shepherd down this summer and it was maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do/was so much more gutting than I’d imagined it would be. Sending love <3
I’m so sorry Sara. My elderly cat also started having seizures this week (she was a candidate for medication to manage her end-of-life). It is absolutely horrific to see. I’m sure your dog knew she was loved all the way to the end, even in the post-seizure haze.
I’m sorry for your loss. So much love and joy, given and received.
Sara B, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. The loss of our furry friends is so gutwrenching–if someone has never loved a dog, they might not realize the depth of grief it causes but it is a truly deep grief that comes from saying goodbye to a friend. As hard as it is that she was confused and disoriented at the end, I hope you can instead look to the all the joys and treats and wiggles and walks and love that I’m sure were part of the life you gave her and know that she had a good life filled with love with you. I will say a prayer for a little peace in your grief!
So sorry, Sara. Hugs. It’s never easy.
I’m so sorry Sara, that sounds so tough. However if you’re sitting worrying about whether you have her a good life then I bet you gave her a wonderful one. Sending love your way.
Sara, I am so sorry for your loss. As a fellow dog-owner, I extend my deepest condolences. It sounds like she was very well-loved.
Sara B., sending you love. I’m sorry that happened to your girl. I have a 10 year labrador and I love him more that I ever expected – he is my first dog as an adult. I know you gave her a beautiful life and I hope you can find peace in that. Take care of yourself during this time.
So sorry to hear that, Sara!
Oh Abby, we had to put down our 12 y.o. Aussie mix down summer 2023, only 7 months after landed here in the PNW and our new home. It broke my heart. He only had 7 months in our fenced in yard. We never had one in PA and he loved it so much and I loved having him out in the yard with me, free. And Sara and everyone, I’m so so sorry for your losses. I’ve held 4 dogs as they passed and many cats. It never gets easier and decisions are gut wrenching. I remember something I read once that said it’s better to do it ” a week early, than an hour late.” I never wanted them to suffer. When they stopped eating it was always my cue that it would be soon. My Aussie mix got suddenly ill though, as did one of my boxers. The rest had some time of not eating etc. and not knowing what was wrong despite many vet visits. Well anyway, I have 4 cats left , one of whom is my main man, and I dread the day. They are all 14. My comment is sad. I should emphasize all the joy they all brought me and my husband and daughter, spread out over these 35 years. But of course you all know that from experience. <3
Thank you, everyone 💜 I only cried 3 times yesterday, so progress! I think I’m going to get my first ever tattoo in memoriam (which, who even am I? I didn’t even want a dog)
Sara – odd timing, we had put our almost 12 year old French Bulldog, Oliver, to sleep on October 15. He was our boy before our 2 little human boys. We had to make the difficult decision after noticing some new and what seemed to be uncomfortable changes happening. The end was so peaceful and I’m hoping your boy had the same final moments. I wish for all of us to be surrounded with such love and comfort at the end of our times. The only solace I have is knowing my dog had THE absolute best, best, best life. All of the warm beds, cozy snuggles, lovely treats, and never a day when he didn’t feel the utmost love. I am sure your boy felt the same. I will know Oliver has a new friend in doggie heaven now <3
emma thompson is such a smoke show. can’t wait for this series!
Almost every weekend post has a picture of a dog :))
as it should be
Can anyone remember where we’ve seen the food and book pairing ideas? I’m thinking about this for my book club for fall…like a cozy soup and a book that pairs well? Or a snack? Or warm drink?
I’m pretty sure I’ve shared in the past (maybe here, maybe somewhere else lol) about my book club where we choose books that have food as SOME sort of element and everyone brings a dish inspired by the book. It’s SO fun and so interesting to see all the different ways people interpret literature through food.
https://cupofjo.com/2024/12/09/best-book-gift-idea-kits/ Jodi Levine posted this gift guide last year. LOTS more fun ideas in the comments, too. xox
Thanks :)
I love Gretchen Rubin and listen to her podcast weekly…however I cannot help but cry laughing every time she talks about her “open door” reframing. If you’re a book lover like me, you probably know that “Open Door” means sex scenes in books are written explicitly and the reader is part of the experience as it’s described on the page, whereas “Closed Door” means that sex is only implied so the reader experiences it behind closed doors so to speak. Every time she refers to her kids leaving the house and how she’s now “Open Door” I can’t help but picture sweet, proudly nerdy Gretchen running amok like a wild animal hot for her hubs all over their NYC apartment, ha! Considering she’s such an avid reader I’m surprised she had never heard of this term (which she has copped to on her podcast). It kills me every time!!
I read a book a week, minimum, and had not heard that term…clearly I am not reading the right kinds of books. Is it sort of like “fade to black” in movies? *learns something new every day*
I tear through books and have never heard of this before
I’ve never heard of Open/Closed Door in reference to sex scenes! I read a lot too. Maybe it’s regional?
Haha too funny! I use this description whenever I talk books with friends. Wondering if I picked it up from Modern Mrs Darcy’s book blog?
For those asking, it’s a thing for describing Romance novels. I haven’t heard it used to describe books in general.
I’ve read daily for a zillion years and I’ve never heard this either !
I thought it was “sex on the page” but this is very funny
I am a voracious reader and have never heard of this!
open or closed door (“afterwards…”) is just the technical term to describe the handling of sex scenes by the author.
I’m cracking up. A friend and her husband recently became empty nesters and DID have one of their young adult children walk into the house in the middle of a ‘enjoying having the house to themselves’ scene. It was very much an Open Door scene! The parents laughed it off. (Their retelling had me laughing so hard I was crying.) Their children now *very loudly* announce their presence from the foyer. hahahahaha!
I had the SAME THOUGHT when I saw Gretchen ‘rebrand’ this a while ago, I thought eeek, Gretchen, Open Door means something else! But I do love this visual of Gretchen and Jamie running amok like wild animals hahahha <3
Been enjoying watching Zarna Garg because of this post. She’s hilarious!
I’m not sure why, but each time you have posted a Big Salad link with the note that it’s a gift link and free for everyone, I can’t get it to open for me. I have the Substack app, but when I click the link it just says there was an error. Is this user error? Anyone else having trouble?
I had the same problem when the link opened in the substack app — but i was able to access the link when i opened it in a separate browser.
Same problem for me!
The link to big salad sadly doesn’t work..
What I am up to this weekend? I got to hear Dr. Lucy Kalanithi speak at the opening session of the American Society of Anesthesiologists Annual Meeting! She was amazing! We all were so honored to learn from her experiences.
Oh my gosh what funny timing — she just texted me a pic of herself there! Hope you have a fun weekend xoxo
I love Emma Thomson movies except for Love Punch (WW$T). She is pretty cool, I still want to be like Jane Goodall when I grow up though. That Cotswold house is so beautifully layered. I’d love to see a link on how Greta Thunberg took Israel and a few deranged presidents/ prime ministers in her green frog hat.
We all must lock arms and celebrate the peace deal and hostage release. Big win! Enjoy the weekend friends.
The hero of a man, Dr. Abu Safia must be released, the world must demand that!
Yes!!! Amen to that!
ummmmmmmm this is one of my favorite pictures that has ever pictured
Agreed! Made me so happy!
THAT PHOTO!!! How gorgeous are those two dogs?! These windswept beauties have made my weekend :)
Ahhhh my sacred texts mentioned here!! Don’t sleep on Heated Rivalry.
I loved Zarna’s online dating profile. I was left wondering whether her now-husband was one of the hundreds of people who responded! :-) Joanna/Cup of Jo Team – – do you know?
Yes!!! He wrote to her “is this ridiculous ad for real?” Hahaha and they became best friends and then spouses xoxo
Zarna has two fantastic This American Life stories. The one is the episode Math or Magic is about how she met her husband—it’s so much fun! The other is in the episode Ends of the Earth and it’s about her comedy career and her daughter. It’s the absolute best!!
thanks, Kaff!
knitting was often used to pass coded messages during the world wars in Europe. there was recently an online furor in the knitting community! scishow did a YouTube video about knitting, with hank green hosting, that got knitters really riled up. it was pretty dismissive in a gender-coded way (like “nobody knew knitting was interesting, just some old grannies on their rocking chairs, until the science men got interested in it and now it’s valuable” type stuff), and it had a lot of us remembering just how cool and badass knitting is. there are videos upon videos on YouTube of really smart, thoughtful women reacting to the scishow original piece. it’s pretty inspiring. (the knitting community tends to be made up of the smartest, most outspoken women you know, so someone should have told the scishow team to tread very lightly.)
oh dear! I hadn’t known about this. Love the reaction videos.
A propos of knitting: another reader made brand new Ravelry group for the knitters of CoJ. Come and join us: https://www.ravelry.com/groups/knitters-of-coj
My children and I have been watching the 90s classic ‘Air Bud’ franchise (and trying to teach our dog to play basketball). In the ‘Golden Receiver’ the boy main character has a very enviable barn jacket – what goes around comes around
Wonderful links thank you! The gift link big salad is coming up behind a pay wall still, I’d love to read it.
Rather than empty nest or open door, I prefer “adult swim.”
I will be taking this and running with it. Thank you, Rachel!
I love “adult swim”!!! My twins left this year, and I will definitely be using that one!
I like that- we like the term bird launchers!
After reading Sarah’s comment about “Open door” and what it implies, “Adult swim” has me crackling. Lol.
Gorgeous jeans, they do look super comfy. I fondly remember the days jeans covered your ankles, they seem to be well gone!
I miss those days! I live in a place where ankles definitely want covering in winter!
Well, I’m 5’3” & ankle jeans are saving me time & money not having to order petite sizing or take them to get tailored, lol :)
Agreed! As a 5’11” woman I have a hard enough time finding jeans long enough without the default being “ankle length”
Yes! I live in a cold climate, how am I supposed to keep my ankles warm? What is the right shoe and sock combo this year?
So many cropped jeans this year! I’ve been looking at sales tonight but need talls and full length for the New England winter. Not having the best luck!
Kat, couldn’t agree more. I don’t need jeans that are calf-length.
Re: 4 words– “defuse” (to reduce tension) vs “diffuse” (to spread around.)
It’s so disappointing that Zarna Garg performed at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
I agree with you. No longer supporting her and bummed to see her featured here.
I thought and thought about it, and you know what, I agree – https://www.theguardian.com/stage/2025/oct/09/backlash-builds-against-comics-who-played-riyadh-comedy-festival
Totally agree with you. I was shocked that she took that job, given the massive ongoing human rights abuses of the regime, not to mention the murder of journalists. Really disappointing.
Yeah. I’ll forever judge all of the comedians who made this awful choice, solely for money. Yuck. Kudos to David Cross for calling them out on this!
Seconding this, Kay. Massive disappointment!!
Just learning about this, thank you! I honestly didn’t enjoy the interview though usually I love the COJ interviews, especially with those from cultures that are different than my own.
Nene, thank you for that Guardian link. Kay, thank you for bringing this up. The Guardian read was Funnier than any of the comedians who attended in my humble opinion. What massive pos sell outs. And the actors and musicians and fxcking golfers taking the Saudi blood money too. Does NO ONE wonder what this does to our collective shit show over here in America? Seeing all these artists saying, well, sure, ok then, if you just pay me obscene amounts of money, I’ll roll over for an authoritarian.? Morality and standing up to murderers, terrorist states and a pedo administration here is just too hard for these already obscenely rich mfers, who ate already so ridiculously safe. Disgusting. Also, I didn’t find Zarna funny. At all.
Extremely disappointed that the Big Salad interview did not challenge her or even ask her about this. Also, her husband was a hedge fund manager. I’m sorry he was fired during COVID but how did they lose all their savings within “days”?
She propagates such stereotypes about Indians that I feel second hand embarrassment for my whole community. She is still stuck in the 90s while India has very well moved on. I really wish she would fly to India more often and see for herself!!
OHHHHHH MG, BBC mysteries are like crack to me, I can never get enough of them. This Emma Thompson one looks like an absolute banger. Setting an alarm for the minute it’s available. Maybe a little similar to Black Doves, which was excellent. Big crime fun this Fall!