Toby and Anton in Conversation

My coworker’s teenage daughter and her friend decided to try and walk 100,000 steps in a day. They got up at 4am and just walked from a friend’s house to another, to another, all day long… and they DID IT. That’s around 80km/50 miles, y’all! Love these challenges

ON the drive home from her first bra shopping expedition, I asked my daughter if she knew how many other girls in her class had one. She paused for a moment, and said, “I don’t know. Want me to take a survey?” She was not being sassy….they were actually studying surveys in math!

My 3 yo says “tippy bottom” as the opposite of “tippy top”. Similarly she uses pitch to mean intense, so it’s not only “pitch black” she also says “pitch white (or orange or blue)”.

The first time my daughter took a tub with her new baby brother she looked at his penis and said “wow! That’s a cool vagina!” Her enthusiasm cracked me up!

My then 3 year old son and I were in line to get ice cream and there were some very tattooed bikers in line in front of us. Lyle studied them carefully, strutted back to me, jerked his thumb at the guys, and said, VERY LOUDLY, “Pretty, huh?” and rolled his eyes. Luckily, they thought it was funny, too.

Son at 3: I was reining myself in to not help him dress himself and he kept turning his underpants back and forth trying to figure out which way they were meant to go. Him, “Underwear is confoooosing!” Son today at 18, heading back to the UK where he goes to uni: “I probably shouldn’t watch this video of plane crashes this morning.” Me, “Yeah! You don’t want to watch plane crashes before your plane crashes.” Him, “HA! Jesus. Thanks, Mama. Nice Freudian slip.”

I find it fascinating and cute when I listen to my 12 year old son speaking with his friends. The slang is confusing (rizz, bro,W, sigma, etc). It’s like their own little language.

After seeing a man without hair on the drive to school, my kindergartner asked, “Mama, are bald people allergic to hair?” Back when her older sister was four, she came home from school singing the “head bone’s connected to the neck bone” song. At one point, she sang, “The elbow bone’s connected to the ulna bone.” On the other arm, she sang “The elbow bone’s connected to the” (she took a pause to think) “vulva bone!”

I have four-year-old identical twin nieces, and they’ve developed a new catchphrase, which is “happy good morning day!” We love it so much that we have shortened it to HGMD, and we text it to each other in our family chat regularly. I just think it’s genius.

I asked my 3 year old tonight – what does dada do at fencing? Sweats. True!!!

This makes me so excited for all my almost 11 month old has yet to say, but so far can only utter “Mama mamamamamamam” <3

Did the Roller skating girl make her challenge???

Recently, someone gave us a mini waffle maker and we made King Arthur Flour’s classic buttermilk waffles. I was OBSESSED. all day I was talking about how good they were and then I started talking about using the waffles to make a breakfast sandwich or avocado toast. My 12yo daughter brought me back down to Earth “mama, your dreams keep getting wilder and wilder…”

Not funny but I have to brag. My 6.5 year old (and we are zero percent religious). Boy: “Mom I wish I had a ladder” Me: “What do you want a ladder for sweetie?” Boy: “So I can climb up to heaven and thank god for such wonderful parents” <3 bless this boy and hope he stays so kind forever

I was trying to convince my 4 year old to wear underwear to preschool. I knew he could do it. So I tried to rope in his 5 year old brother. I said, “Cole, could you please tell Luca how you wear underwear to school and how he can do it too?” To which Cole replied, “Mom, it’s his body, it’s his choice.”

My son started kindergarten this fall meaning he would no longer be in the same school as his little sister. I asked if that made me him sad to which he replied “I’ll just have to see her more on the weekends!”

Our two-year-old amuses us, daily. We also have two teens and a preteen, so she is exposed to a lot of conversation. I asked her to please get her shoes: “I will mother dearest”. When she’s finished peeing and I ask if I can pay dry her vulva she always pauses, as if she’s thinking it over, and then says, “Yup, you may.” Sometimes, when she’s cranky (which is often) and we need to do something she doesn’t like (buckle her into her car seat, brush her teeth, etc), she says, “How DARE you!”

I caught my almost 8 year old smelling the butt of our friends dog (who he absolutely adores). I said to him quietly so as to not embarrass him “hey hun….were you just smelling coco’s butt?” And he smiles up at me, completely sincerely/earnestly, like it’s SUCH a wonderful thing he’s about to convey – “yeah….i smell his butt and then he smells mine.” Like it’s something that they do because they’re best friends hahaha. Omg the innocence of children!!!

My 4 year old discovering his wee wee can poke straight out. “Look ma, I’m a narwhal!”

When my 3 yr old is talking about something and trying to say the concept of “recently” or “not long ago” she says instead “soon and soon ago…”

Currently, Lobsterraptor=Velociraptor for my dino obsessed 3 year old. It’s just a great mental image for me.

A couple years ago, my son came home from camp and said in a frustrated tone, “Michael has just gotten so ambitious.” When we asked for him to explain more, he expanded, “Yeah, he just wants to wrestle and play rough all the time.” We then realized he meant AGGRESSIVE! Haha I mean, hats off to Michael if he is an ambitious camper!

For Thanksgiving my-at the time-six year old came home with a handwritten letter of appreciation that read, “Dear Mom and Dad, I appreciate you for helping me spell stuff. Love, Bob”. His name is Jackson.

At my first real job, you had to stay at your desk until 6 pm even if you were done with your work. To enjoyably pass the time, I would look up the “Toby and Anton in Conversation” posts and crack up at their funny sayings and the comments. What kids say is endearing, hilarious, and imperfectly perfect! Now I have two kids of my own and find myself jotting down what they say so I’ll remember. And let me tell you, I’m so proud to say that “Henry and Emma in Conversation” (in my Apple notes) rivals the best and cracks me up after a long day.

Recent gems from my 6-year-old: “Two minutes is like one minute but you add one.” Playing the game 20 Questions: Grandma: “Is it a thing?” My kid: “Everything is a thing.” Dad to kid: “You smell like broccoli.” Kid to dad: “You smell like lasagna.” Me: “Do me! Do me!” Kid to me: “You smell like love.” :)

One of my favorites is from when my oldest daughter was 2 or 3. We’ve tried to teach correct names for our body parts, and one evening she called her vagina her butt. I said, “You know what that’s called.” She replied, “Right, my chobina.” My husband and I could not stop laughing!! Like some off brand yogurt name 🤣

My husband and I were making a joke that referred back to a TV show we watched when we were first dating. My 11 year old asks what show and we tell her, she says, “oh, that show from ye olden days.” Reader – the show was “Friends”.

Preschool teacher here. At Xmas time I put out a little manger scene. A 3 yo stared at the Joseph figure for a long time, then asked me “that Cody?” “Huh? Who?” “Cody? Audrey’s daddy?” We all took a long look. By God it does look just like Cody. “They have a baby??” Lol. 2 yo with a few pronunciation issues. Points at a freckle on my bare arm, “dat??” “That’s a FRECKLE. can you say freh cal?” “Fuuuucka?” Omg. “FREH CAL. FREH CAL!” Points enthusiastically “FUCKA!!!! FUCKA FUCKA FUCKA!!” 4 yo, welding scissors, gets the scissors safety spiel. “I will cut you. ” “excuse me ma’am???” “I will cut y…… the paper. (Sigh) I will cut the paper. ” “OK then. ” I had a 3 yo who was so traumatized by the very thought of carrots that for 3 solid months we couldn’t even say the word. “Oh yummy Ms Sasha, orange apples again!!” Yep. But not for Mr B, thank you very much. 2 years later (2 YEARS) a dad randomly asked him if he liked carrots. He shot me a deadly look and replied. “I. DO. NOT.”

My daughters are triplets and when they were pre-schoolers they would point out a baby in the grocery store, and very loudly say “That lady only has ONE baby!”. I would also look on in shock and disbelief. There are enough people staring and making you feel different as a multiple so I decided to go along with their view of the world. How strange to see a singleton in public! :)

3-year-old notices me applying a band aid and asks what happened. I tell him, “I cut my finger while slicing bread, buddy. I’m okay.” “Oh, did you forget where the bread was?” he responds, nodding sagely.

3-year-old takes my hair down from my clip, then says, “I love you just the way you are now.” Now. As in, not while my hair was up. (And yes, I asked to clarify, and he doubled down.)

We’re Christian and we talk a lot in our home about how important our faith is to us. We also happen to talk a lot about making sure our meals and snacks are very filling. One day out of the blue, my then 4-year-old shouted, “The most important thing is God. The second most important thing is PROTEEEEEEIN!!!!” Sounds like our priorities are really getting through! Ha!

Whelp! I see we have arrived, the structural break in the Cup of Jo story. Umm, I never realized there would be a Part II – conversations with them as Toddlers was almost 15 yesrs ago!?? Now it’s like, what in the empty nest is about to happen here?? Annnd Jo has fallen in love! Exciting times. Also, what is time?

Husband: Who’s going to drive when we go get our christmas tree today? 6 year old: Mama! Husband: Why not me? 6 year old: Mama gets carsick. Husband: We can just take a plastic bag for her. (few moments pass) 6 year old: To put her in?

When our third kid was born, we signed up for a meal delivery service for the first few months. It was healthy food, and the first delivery included some no-bake, probably raw “cookies.” My 6 year old asked to try one, and started kind of nibbling on it, then said “I’m really trying to talk myself into liking this, but it tastes like it smells, like vegetables.” Hahahaha! True, kid.

My nine year-old daughter observed her teacher’s heavily drawn-on eyebrows and asked me about it. After offering some hypotheses about personal style and aesthetics I said, ”And maybe she doesn’t have much eyebrows.” Before I could correct my own grammar she sighed, nodded in solidarity and said, “Yeah, I mean, I only have two.”

I will forever remember my littlest coming home from kindergarden, finding an exploded lunchbox in the backpack, and muttering “aw, cwud.”

The one that always makes me smile is when my 5 year old and 3 year old at the time knocked on the bathroom door . They had an obsession with policeman at the time. They yelled “come out with your hands up. We have you suhwonded! (Surrounded)!” I come out and they have little finger guns yelling “pew pew pew”

My 3yo asked if I saw something he did in the car while I was driving. Me: ‘No, my eyes are on the road’ Him: ‘Your eyes are NOT on the road! You would drive over them!’ He was mad at me because I cut his pickle in half so it wouldn’t be a choking hazard. Me: You were eating them too fast! Him: It went into my mouth too fast!! ‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts….that’s unfortunate!’ (He didn’t even try them)

When my daughter was little (3-6 yo) and we would take her to a restaurant, we would usually take the knife at her place setting and move it out of her reach on the table. It got to the point where if we didn’t do that IMMEDIATELY, she would grab the knife, hoist it into the air, and loudly proclaim, “I have a KNIFE!” She was just trying to highlight the fact that we hadn’t moved her knife away yet, but ended up looking like the tiniest, adorable, yet slightly deranged serial killer.

My 6 year old has been talking about frostbite for some reason lately. But she’s been calling it frost bites. As in “if you get frost bites, you have to get inside quickly”. Makes more sense than frostbite, really!

Yesterday after I picked my 2 year-old up from daycare, he said “I don’t like swim lessons anymore.” I asked him why and he answered “they’re too watery.” The way they explain the world is too funny sometimes.

Reading “Fancy Nancy’s 100th day of School” with my 5yo while I had bronchitis. Fancy Nancy has a DILEMMA because she doesn’t know what item she should bring 100 of to celebrate the 100th day of school. 5yo: What is a dilemma? Me: It’s a problem. 5yo: Oh, like your cough! … Actually, you have a dilemma and a solution, because you definitely have 100 coughs!

My 4 y/o: how did we eat when we were a baby? We didn’t have teeth..? Me: well before you had teeth, I breastfed you! I gave you milk from my body. 4y/o: how did the milk get in your body? Me: my body made it for you! 4 y/o (turning to his 2 y/o sister): mom really is a superhero!!

They’ve gone from cute to handsome!!! 😭😭😭

My 4yo (talking about the kittens we’re going to see at cousins’ house): ooooh they’re gonna be so cute!! My 5yo: they might not be Phoebe, I’m just saying. They might be ugly as hell My 4yo playing outside with sticks: “mom, you know why I’m making these swords? Because I’m honoring my grandmother”

This is one of those posts where you have to read every single comment. Thank you so much for the laughs and the memories!!

When my 5-year old is afraid of something, he’ll say (in the sweetest, softest voice), “Mama, I’m scary.” I will never correct this, it’s too adorable!

My bestie has a newborn. When she put the baby in a carrier for the first time, her toddler whispered in awe, “baby in a purse!”

Last year my 13 yo volunteered as a counselor-in-training for an outdoor soccer camp. Her surprised and disturbed observation on day one: “little kids are sticky!” Yes. Yes my child they are.

In the early summer, my tiny yard is full of insects. My three year old son was singing a song about bees, ladybugs and butterflies. He was obsessed with them and he would get sooooo excited whenever he saw them. He was running around trying to catch them which also seemed typical for a three year old. Then he got frustrated when he couldn’t. Also normal for a three year old. But then he started sobbing and we talked about it. Turns out he was really hungry and he thought all the bright and beautiful insects were candy .

This post had me laughing so hard I was crying.

While in a (very busy) public restroom, with my 6 year old not in an adjacent stall to me – she shouted at TOP VOLUME – “Mummy are you doing a poo and a wee or just a wee?” To which I had to reply weakly – “Just a wee!” as I didn’t want her to think I’d left the restroom without her. *Emerges, mortified, from stall to wash hands.

Can you love the boys of a blog writer? Why, yes you can.

My 3.5 y/o says so many things that make my laugh or think that I cannot keep up. Recently his dad asked him for “help” with the gate of our garage (son says “spell”, dad presses remote control button), but he didn’t want to. So my husband did it himself and my son said, in kind of a tired-out parent voice: “See, dad, you can do it yourself.” He will also, at the top of his lungs, call out people who do not wear helmets on bikes (the postman…) or who cross the street at a red light. And for something sweeter, this past weekend we were listening to German-language music from the 60’s and he said “Mama, this music is really pleasant”, has repeatedly asked me to sing the songs to him and closes his eyes and smiles while listening 🥺❤️

I’m currently soaking up this season of life in which my four year old calls all deli meat, “pink spicy cheese”.

The 2.5-year-old son, nursing at bedtime (because I am struggling to wean the kid): “Your nipple is a gas pump!” Me, dryly: “You’re very articulate for someone still drinking boob milk.” The 2.5-year old: [Maniacal laugh.] The 4-year-old son, talking to his 6-year-old sister: “Anne, how do you fall over in love with someone?” The 6-year-old: “I don’t know, bro. Everyone just falls over . . .”

One day I taught my kindergartner the old “we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!” rhyme while we were tossing a baseball around. He thought it was quite funny and repeated it lots of times. After listening for a while my 2 year old wanted in on the fun and exclaimed enthusiastically, “WE WANT A BELLY PICTURE!!!”

my 2yo is learning to talk and count but he already knows how to negotiate. if i tell him its time to change a diaper or get ready for bed and stop playing he holds up 1 finger and says “won”. like in one minute. but lately it’s escalated and if i say no he’s been holding up his whole hand with five fingers outstretched to request 5 more minutes. I’m not entirely sure he knows what five means but he knows it is more than one

My 12-year-old went through a phase recently of being fascinated with chin strap beards “like Lincoln had, Mom.” He suggested that if someone wanted a chin strap beard, but only some of the time, that person could glue some hair to the strap of his bicycle helmet and then the beard would be removable. Me, cracking up: “Why are you so weird?!?” We keep talking, and it occurs to me that a person could also buckle on his bike helmet and shave around the straps to get a very unusual beard indeed. When I tell my kid this, his response is to pause, then say in the driest tone imaginable: “I think I know why I’m so weird.” 😂

My 11 y.o. thinks everything that happened ‘a long time ago’ happened ‘in the 90s’ – because that’s when I was in middle/high school. She will dance disco – “like in the 90’s!”, talk about men walking on the moon – “in the 90’s!” or see 1950’s housewife fashion – “was that the 90’s?” I think she knows better now but just does it to make me feel old and roll my eyes.

“when we eat food it goes in our blood” “I’m a kitty these are my friends kibbley and meatfood” -my 3 year old

This is everything. I literally dare you to try and read these aloud without using a bruh voice.

I have an infinite supply of hilarious kid comments but am not as diligent asbineamt about writing them somewhere (which I guess I can forgive because I’m, ya know, parenting :) Two from recently- my 5 year old son told everyone at day camp that his dad was a professional breakdancer. When he showed up for pick up as a not. dad, there were a lot of disappointed people. My 3 year old daughter ate an oyster with us at the grocery store and got a lot of adult attention for it so she kept talking about it. But she kept calling them clams. So later when we went to the crowded bathroom, we get in the stall and she yells, “there are clams in my booty butt!” And I nearly lost it laughing.

When my sibling went to pick my niece up at preschool one day, the preschool teacher pulled them aside—and biting her lip to keep from laughing—told them that their 3 year old daughter had flatly, and somewhat loudly (yet with her little toddler lispy voice) said to a classmate who was being a bit difficult: “Gweta – would you like some cheese with your whine…?” Preschool teachers hear what parents say ALL the time. :D

My 3.5 year old in an airport bathroom stall, to me, loudly: “You have a big butt! (pause) “…I’ve never seen a butt that big.”

This one became an instant classic. I recently got out of the shower and was a little chilly. My little one was hanging around and took note of my hard nipples, saying, “whoa! How do THOSE come out?” He asked more questions and I explained about breasts and nipples. He ended the conversation by saying, “ok… can I just boing one real quick?”

My three year, a boy who exclusively goes to the same 5 places over and over was crying to me “I never go back to the places I’ve been before”

My 3.5 year old toddler seeing my husband take Advil “Mommy what is daddy eating?” (Thinks it’s a treat) Me- “Adult medicine” “Oh does daddy have a ‘dult’ on him?”

For over two months this summer, my 10 year old decided to wish me a happy birthday Every. Single. Day. Once at dinner “A toast! To Mom’s birthday!” another time we were headed to the pharmacy “You must LOVE prescriptions to do this on your birthday” another afternoon a group of kids at the public pool- that I did not know- came up to me “We heard it’s your birthday!” One day I thought she forgot and when I hugged her goodnight she whispered “I hope your birthday was everything you wanted it to be”