Have a Delicious Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Tonight Freddie and I are going to a wedding, where we will clap, cheer, toast, tear up, and not dance; and tomorrow the boys and I will be hitting up block parties, arguably the best part of fall in Brooklyn. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
My 15 favorite things, and a huge giveaway.
Travel fantasy: Scotland, damn.
Banana Republic is having a huge sale. I have this dress in my cart, and are these the perfect black jeans?
“After 10 minutes at the open house, I’m comfortable committing to living in this house forever,” hahaha. New York real estate was so bananas for a while that Alex and I once made a rental offer on an apartment without even seeing it. And we still didn’t get it.
Eight phrases to say during an argument with your partner. I would add “I understand” and “I love you.” (NYTimes gift link)
Ooh, what a beautiful wedding dress neckline.
Can fashion writer Erika Veurink become the next Nancy Meyers? Love this title! Erika wrote her romance novel with one directive: “When Harry Met Sally…but what if there was sex in the backseat of the car.” (Elle)
I also reread my own career interview with Elle and stand by it!
“Jimmy Kimmel, a prominent late-night comedian, was just taken off the airwaves because the Trump administration didn’t like what he had to say — and threatened his employer until they shut him up.” Jon Stewart’s response was pitch-perfect.
Jane Austen’s 250th birthday party is bring-your-own-bonnet. (NYTimes gift link)
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Hilary on four fun things: “We have always called our party goodbyes in the Midwest ‘the Lutheran Goodbye,’ aka, we need to start leaving at least 30 mins before we really need to for all the complimenting, oh my goshing, yes let’s get togethering, send me that hot dish recipe-ing. By contrast, I love a German Goodbye, which is always executed flawlessly by our German friends and goes something like this: ‘Thank you for having us. We had an okay time, but now we would prefer to be at our own house. Goodbye.’ AND THEN THEY JUST WALK OUT THE DOOR. Truly, I aspire.”
Says Ness on a compelling way to name a baby: “My mom and her best friend were both pregnant with daughters at the same time. They decided to name us after one another in tribute to their friendship. I feel lucky to share a name steeped in the magic of sisterhood.”
Says Suz on five things in your kitchen you’d never be caught without: “Reading the comment section, I’ve been trying to keep track of the score on Team Olive Oil vs Team Butter. Signed, T.O.O.”
(Photo by Laura Austin/Stocksy.)
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Comments
153 commentsI’m a very outdoorsy person, rockclimber, backpacker, rower, children’s snowshoe guide, all of it!. My boyfriend by contrast has a movie podcast and anxiety, full stop. We compromized on a vacation a couple years ago and rented a little plaid camper and drove the Northcoast 500 in Scotland for 10 days and it was magical perfection. In 5 years, it’s the only place in nature where he’s ever said, “Let’s keep going” after I was ready to turn around.
Haha those Germans must not be from the rural South – I swear by the 30-minute goodbye as well :D love it though. When I was a kid and my parents told us we would leave soon, we always knew we could get one more quite extensive play session with all the kids in, said “yes” and disappeared again for a little while.
I went up to Scotland just this weekend with a couple of my friends to climb Ben Nevis. awful weather so we couldn’t see a thing from the top…I think my next trip will be during the summer months. but it was just as lovely as I remember, I miss living up there
My friend’s daughter is in Scotland right now, visiting a “man” ! They met while each was on vacation in Mexico City and he invited her to come visit Scotland, which she is doing this week. I can only imagine how much fun that must be, lol!
My mom just took me on a trip Scotland this summer. It was AMAZING, I must go back as soon as possible.
I went with my mom is spring! Reading this put a lump in my throat because I so want to be there. It was pure magic
Those pictures of Scotland!! So, my dream vacation right now is something like that, or small towns in England, or I’d love to go to Croatia…. But the reality is that school vacation dictates that we take our vacation in late December, when it will be cold and dark in those places. Does anyone have the perfect destination for a family w/ a 8 and 5 year old, and a parent who wants to wander around charming little towns but not be too cold?
If you can go really far, New Zealand is an amazing place to visit with kids. We moved our family (including a 2 year old and a 4 year old) there for 6 months in 2012. I have never experienced such love for a place in such a short time.
Hello Elle, We went to Croatia in July and even though it is beautiful, it was scorching hot and my family absolutely did not want to do anything in cities like Dubrovnik etc. Plitvice NP was a lot cooler and we finally enjoyed the stay here. Not sure if you are from the US, Arches National park in December was absolutely incredible and quiet and less crowded and we loved it. Sedona is beautiful too but will be crowded in Dec. Joanna and Team, One thing I noticed on the blog is that there arent any posts about National parks in the US and trips to National park. Something that is unique to the US is the number of national parks we have here and would love to hear from others regarding their NP adventures.
The Azores?
I love your comment, Daisy! We have been to a bunch of national parks. If you are in the US you can drive or take a quick flight to most, no passport or extras required. They truly are a national treasure. Two summers ago we hit up Glacier and Yellowstone and everything in between and it was amazing. We’ve been to Yosemite, Zion, Grand Canyon NP, Shenandoah, Bryce Canyon, Acadia, Hawai’i Volcanoes, and a bunch of others and each one is so unique. We are not “touristy” people and we end up spending most of our time in the backcountry camping and appreciate that the NP’s have something to offer everyone. I was lucky to experience a good amount of international travel with my parents growing up and honestly one of my biggest childhood regrets is that they never showed me much of what was in our own country. I got to take my dad on a trip to Zion and the Grand Canyon a few years ago and we hiked and rode mules and had a great time. Then 2 years after that, he and I hiked Pike’s Peak together. Things that would have been much easier when we were both much younger, lol.
I want to ditto what Daisy had to say. My family and I did a southwest road trip on summer in early june (already so hot!) and it was amazing! We went to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, so much nicer because there were fewer tourists. Unfortunately it sustained a huge hit from the most recent fires, and I hope it recovers smoothly. But we started off with Sequoia Nat’l Park, did a stop in Vegas (pool and Cirq), then NRGC, then near Chama, NM, to Colorado Nat’l Monument (loved!!!), Arches, SLC/Salt Flats, and a quick stop to Mt. Shasta. It was truly, so much fun. We have also done a PNW road trip and hit the various (Nat’l) Parks then too.
Thanks, all! Anon, that looks like an amazing trip. You covered a lot of distance — How long did the whole trip take you? Did it feel like too much driving?
@daisy I love the idea of a post about trips to US national parks!
Elle, For covering National parks, especially with younger kids, I would recommend limiting drive time. And time at each National park depends on your personal interests, how quickly you can get ready and be out the door in the mornings etc. This summer, we were blessed to be in Grand Teton and Yellowstone and covered those 2 parks in 6 days and a couple of winters ago, we did Canyonsland and Arches over 1 week with a day each in Park city and . Arches. Some people do 2-3 NPs in 2 days. If you are able to, would also suggest staying within the National park. Some of these hotels within NP are historic and amazing by themselves. With younger kids, it gives an opportunity to take turns and for one of the spouse to do a sunrise or sunset hikes. We have been taking our son to National parks, since he under 1 to now in his teens. My dream one day is to see all 63 of them. We have been to about 15 of them and being in the West coast helps with being able to see more of these NPs. Happy planning
National Park love! I’m here for it! Going to NPs with kids is so much fun! We get to see the country and nature through their eyes and honestly it is so magical. I on my own would have never stopped to stare at a ladybug crawl on a tree branch or find as many leaves with holes made by “very hungry caterpillars” but with my kids, I do, prompted by them and it is a joy! My kids are 5 and 6 and we have been to Joshua Tree, Channel Islands, Shenandoah, Mammoth Cave, Cuyahoga, and New River Gorge. In the New River Gorge, we laid down in the darkness to stargaze, and we saw a meteor go whizzing by in the night sky. It was brilliant and my kids still talk about it! They collect junior ranger badges, attend talks held by rangers, love doing the activity booklets and go shopping at the visitor’s centers. I traveled extensively internationally and never got a chance to see much of America, even though I was born and raised here. As a New Yorker, being very proud of where I’m from, I really thought I live in NYC, I don’t need to see the rest of America, I already live in the best of it. How mistaken I was, but I don’t regret it because I get to go on this journey with my kids and it is truly a privilege to travel around this beautiful country with them and marvel at all the wonders together.
To answer your question Elle, Italy is very hot in the summer, so maybe ambling through narrow Italian streets in small towns in Dec will be quite nice.
Just re-reading your Elle feature and have to ask: which Sezane blouse is part of your power outfit?
this one! https://www.sezane.com/us-en/product/chlo-shirt/ecru#size-0
Thank you Joanna! I have that blouse and am now inspired to wear it more often!
100% team Midwestern goodbye. Most noted at Christmas when the uncles all go out to warm up the car while the aunts are saying goodbye, and then have to come back in half an hour later to ask are we actually leaving or what? I still always feel a little bit rejected when adult friends just say bye and then leave instead of hanging around for 30 minutes more.
I love with when it’s my family I’m saying goodbye to for an hour, and hate it when I’m trying to get out of my in laws house and we’re standing in the driveway with the car doors open for an hour hahaha
But what happens when German meets Lutheran?? I was raised German Lutheran and it really is a toss up which one wins in social situations… confusing to say the least ahahaha
I’m laughing so hard at the German goodbye. My husband isn’t a fan of my “Irish” goodbye habit, but I don’t know if the German version would go over any better. I admire the honesty!
But which dress did you decide to wear??
Your Elle interview was really good! I’m going to take your writing advice, though I’m not a writer. This is the only place where I’ll make a comment because it feels safe, however….It’s only occasional & I still feel self conscious thinking that what’s in my head won’t come across to others. I wonder if that plays a small part in why other comment sections are so negative. Just a thought. COJ commenters all seem super intelligent and like they are making an effort to be understanding.
Eead your Elle article for the first time, the best/worst advice at the end is golden, thanks for all of the goodness you put out there!
Joanna, your posts are always a window into your current brain snapshot … SHOW US THE RING 💍
The Erika Veurink profile and the Jessica Knoll op-ed she references as a “sacred text” both made me so sad. It’s hard for me to understand how, in this historical moment, people can aspire to be rich as like a goal… I’m having a hard time articulating what I mean, but I just think about all of the existential crises we’re facing (especially climate change and historic levels of inequality), and it seems like such a waste of ambition to just want to follow the same greedy playbook that got us here. I appreciate both of the writers’ honesty because I know that a lot of people aspire to that and just don’t proclaim it, but my dream is for all of us to dream bigger dreams than winning a cash-grab game while millions of people can’t afford housing, food, healthcare, etc.
100% agree with you here.
i am really extremely broke right now and somehow this cheered me up to read. like yeah i don’t know how we are going to pay rent but THERE ARE BETTER THINGS TO ASPIRE TO ANYWAY!! i am broke in a chic bohemian climate conscious way…but also the precarity is unnerving, i frankly do aspire to at least financial stability
with you on all counts, katie! precarity IS unnerving, and our growing precarity is what’s allowing all the wealth-hoarding to happen! it feels like a lack of imagination to just want to go from exploited to exploiteR. my life is so much more interesting and meaningful because instead of scheming to get rich or die trying, i genuinely invest in community and creating a more just world. (this type of investment takes infinite forms, and tons do not involve money.) 10 years ago i saw a documentary about Grace Lee Boggs, and i feel like she’s a joyful anti-capitalist role model if you’re looking for one! i’m also thinking of you re: rent money! feel free to share your venmo and i bet some of us can help this month ♥️
Seeing the neckline of my wedding dress made me smile. Mine had long sleeves which made it a bit different. Sooo much silk taffeta. I can still hear the rustle.
Hi Joanna, I would love to know what dress you ended up wearing to the wedding!
Why choose just olive oil or butter?? Team both!
100% with you!
We just had our block party last night. Kids went up and down the street on scooters and swang on tire swings. Grown ups laughed at raising preteens, and argued about what kind of bear we wound rather run into in the wild. We were a bit tipsy and very merry. It’s nice to come together like that.
The Ness comment just sent me into tears! I love female friendship so, so much.
As a recovering people pleaser, I feel a bit healed to have gotten to read 2x this week the things you are unapologetic about, Joanna (French exits, not dancing)! Would the CoJ team consider a future post that is a collection of everyone’s unapologetic behaviors? I would devour this!
I love this idea so much. It would be such a different post.
Love this!! Please consider CoJ team.
I unapologetically ride my non-electric scooter around town. When people ask me about it, l say, “It’s acoustic!”
If you are concerned about censorship, again, I beg of you, stop supporting Amazon. This week the NYT reported on Washington Post columnist being fired for her social media posts calling out the critical need for putting an end to American gun culture. This is censorship on behalf of one of the richest men in the world. Stop feeding his monetary pipeline.
+1
+2!
+2! I still see far too many amazon delivery trucks on the road. Are people not paying attention to what’s happening here?
Haaaaaaa! As a Midwesterner, Hilary’s comment resonated a little too close to home. While I’d drop the “okay time” part of the goodbye, I also aspire to the decisive exit!
“New York real estate was so bananas for a while that Alex and I once made a rental offer on an apartment without even seeing it. And we still didn’t get it.” After house hunting for over a month, I fell in love with THE house immediately after stepping into the living room. I could just envision where all my furniture would go. It was the height of the housing boom back in the early 2000s. We put in an offer as high as we could go, wrote a letter talking about the architecture, the developer, the elementary school and its architect, and told them we were starting a family and waiting for our adoption to go through. There were 54(!) offers on the house, we were the second highest bidder, but the sellers loved that our letter was heartfelt and informed, so we got chosen. Whew! Been living in it for over 20 years and still loving it.
💛 no one else is rather talk real life romance with
As a small but meaningful action, I suggest unsubscribing from Disney+ as a way to communicate that wealthy media outlets should stand up to unconstitutional government bullying rather than self-sensor.
Yes! More of this please!
Agreed. My Visibility Brigade did a bridge protest last night with this giant message. Can see the event in action on our IG post. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOzO9p0jioz/
I went to unsubscribe but unfortunately I had already unsubscribed a while back! Came here to say Jon Stewart was beyond brilliant!! 🤣🤣 tgfjs
We did this Amanda! Hulu/Disney asks what your reason for cancelling is in the process so you can tell them exactly why! That is an important part of boycotting.
Just did this! And we’re one of those little kid households where I joke that Disney+ is basically a utility bill. Cancelled Hulu too. Hopefully can make it permanent.
We cancelled today as well!
Agreed! Just cancelled this weekend.
Agreed! Can we get the same action for Instagram? Not only is it run by Zuckerberg, but it is also so awful for mental health.
ESPN is also under the Disney umbrella!
@marissa I find instagram really creative, not at all bad for my mental health. Mine is full of cats, dogs, forests, a woman who sings to trees, castles, shoebill storks… and forests. I am iften conflicted because I don’t like zuckerberg but i love finding weird people singing like Vikings while they make ropes or some lost craft.
Hi Kirby, Not trying to get into anything unpleasant with you. I’m glad Instagram is positive for you, although your comment makes me think of all the comments on this site trying to rationalize Amazon. I think it’s very well known that Instagram can have a negative effect on many people, especially teens.
Block parties sound really fun – I’ve never seen one (from Ireland here!). Would love a link post on that!
We have one every year on my block. We close off the block in the morning then set up tables, chairs, and a grill in the street. We have a big barbecue and people sides, desserts, drinks. After we usually play games like cornhole. cards, etc. and chat and listen to music. There’s a pinata for the kids. The favorite game every year is an all-ages water balloon toss ha ha.
After seeing the film Relay (amazing) and watching the entire Black Rabbit series (what a high drama race) on Netflix, that banana cake recipe was just the relaxation break from thriller overload I needed.
Funny, I was just fantasizing about secretly meeting up with an ex just to go out dancing together. My husband doesn’t dance, but damn I miss those high-connection dance floor nights from the past.
Oh my god, my husband doesn’t dance either. He’s the love of my life, no doubt about it. But. I sometimes hide my face in shame from my teen-aged self who used to sing the Safety Dance at top volume and mean it (the part about how if you’re friends don’t dance, they’re no friend of mine). Sigh.
Craving a night of dancing as well!
I feel you. My husband doesn’t dance either, and miss those dance floor nights as well.
Forget the men! Dance with your friends instead: https://www.dancedancepartyparty.com/locations
As both a whippet owner and a Jane Austen fangirl, I am absolutely hyperventilating over the whippet in the bonnet and the pearl-adorned harness. I DID NOT REALIZE THIS WAS AN OPTION
Bath is such a beautiful city! The two costumed ladies sitting at a terrace table reminded me of my family’s visit to the Sally Lunn House back in 1984. My teen and pre-teen were totally enchanted. They still ask me to make Sally Lunn cake with strawberry jam and clotted cream. At 78 I think it’s time they get busy and make it themselves.
I work in the newborn world and I tell parents All The Time- it really doesn’t matter what you call your newborn- it will soon become your favorite name in the whole wild world….
The article about the open house is so funny and real. Signed someone who put a deposit down on a NYC apartment after standing in it for 6 seconds back in June.
Suz’s comment made me laugh so hard. I am team BOTH.
There is always butter in the freezer and back up olive oil in the basement!!
Re German goodbye: Oh boy, the honesty extends waaaaaay beyond the frank farewell. My kids went to a German speaking elementary school. All the start-of-school events would feature blunt comments like: “Hello Frau Smith. Did you have a pleasant summer? You look like you’ve gained weight.” Totally standard small talk. After a few rounds, you’re like: “ Yep, weight gain. You as well I see?” I never got used to it.
I wonder if that’s a generational thing. I’m German, living in Germany, and while I know comments like these, I’d either find them quaint (for example, comming from my grandma, or MIL) or plainly rude (comming from people I am not close with). In the 18 months or so after having my baby I met the mother of a girl I went to school with twice, and both times she commented on my weight, and that lady reeeaaally lost sympathy points. I’d like to think that millenials aren’t as blunt/bluntly rude…
That small talk would definitely be considered rude here in Germany – as would the German Goodbye in the original post ;) (fellow German millenial here!)
All of the Germans I’ve ever met have been very gracious and polite. I can’t imagine them saying “we had an ok time” lol. Maybe because they were all living in the US (MT)? Would they have suddenly reverted to bluntness back home? Lol. The only community that vaguely resembles this kind of communication style are the Hutterite communities i grew up some. They were German religious separatists who came to America in the 1800s and set up “colonies”, farms and ranches where they live somewhat separately from “the English” (the rest of us. ) My parents had many connections among Hutterite peoples and we visited colonies often. They were blunt and abrupt, but also extremely kind and generous. You never left without a loaf of bread, jar of pickles, a pie, some sausages. They still speak German as their first language.
Oh my gosh, can we get a Reader’s Unhinged Real Estate Stories? Once, when the market was hot, we ended up in a bidding war over an apartment (not legal, btw). The winning bid paid two years ahead, IN CASH. We learned our lesson and offered to sign a three-year lease with our eventual-landlord, who was nice enough to knock $50 off the monthly rent. Real estate really is the wild west!
As a military spouse, all 3 homes my husband and I have rented over the course of our marriage we have signed leases on sight unseen, and without even visiting the town we’re moving to! (with mostly success and one backyard swimming pool that was a total swamp occupied by a humongous bullfrog when we moved in. . . ) Fortunately, the one house we bought I did get to walk around in for 15 minutes before making an offer. My husband wasn’t able to make the trip and just had to trust my judgement :) It worked out!
Joanna do you know about Esther Perel? She’s a therapy genius. Anyway, I once heard her suggest this … if you are stuck in a loop with a sparring partner and both of you are getting really emotional and irrational, LIE DOWN. Keep fighting but do it while staring at the ceiling. Isn’t that bananas? It works! Laying down is naturally calming. I also recommend hugging mid-argument. 10/10 fighting strategy. Guarantees a win every time.
Recall parenting podcast recommends this or sitting or the same reason – saying it’s hard to be mad why you’re on the ground and it’s true!! For kids, it’s also less threatening to have us lower and more at their level.
For some reason I have decided to be this person today, but Nancy Meyers did not write When Harry Met Sally and I’m only pointing this out because they’ve been conflated before on CoJ and some person that I wish I could be friends with corrected it, lol. Shoutout to you, fellow can’t-help-it-commenter. And I know this doesn’t directly say she did but it’s implied and as much as I love Nancy, she could never. Nora Ephron forever.
Oh I wasn’t connecting them in this post! Just saying that she’s an amazing romance writer like Nancy Meyers, and that her guideline for writing the book was Nora Ephron’s WHMS but sexier :)
Fifty-seven years ago my favorite cousin had a baby girl…the first great grandchild. She used my middle name for her daughter’s first name and her own middle name for her middle name. It was the loveliest way to tell me that I was her best friend and to unite us forever. I still tear up whenever I think about it.
Re favorite things, my custom engagement ring from Bario Neal truly does still make me weepy. 🤍
So many special items on this list, including that sweet knotted rush Bario Neal ring! I love this site; reading the posts is a weekly treat.
Gah I always feel so special when I get chosen for the reader comment (it’s happened a couple of times before!) Thank you CoJ Team, you have made my week! xoxox
You made us laugh 😂
Oooooooh, that text thing…you are killing me Jo!!!!!
A great joy in my life right now is watching The Summer I turned Pretty with my teen daughters. I’m constantly switching from Team Conrad to Team Jeramaiah and back again. I think I’d feel the same re Team Butter and Olive Oil. It’s all about context! Lol
I will experience the Feelings Swirl™️ at the high school’s Senior Breakfast on Saturday with my youngest, and then on Sunday attend a standing-room-only celebration of life of a former colleague where I will see everyone I have ever loved working with. It will be so sad, and so wonderful.
Thinking about you on your Feelings Swirl day. That is a lot!
As someone who lives in Edinburgh, Scotland is indeed a great travel destination.
Travel but not living, right? My friend is from Edinburgh and when I commented that I’d love to move there, she strongly advised against it because “living in Scotland is rough”.
Two wedding-related notes in one post… interesting!
My family practices the Irish goodbye which, I don’t know, it could be just my family, is that the folks who are leaving get coats on and say goodbye. Half of those folks walk out and get in the car and the other half (or just one person) is still talking in the foyer, coat on, starting full on new conversations. While they are technically leaving, they look and talk like they have just arrived.
Oh my gosh this is exactly my experience with my husband’s Irish family… many a cold evening spent in the car waiting for his dad to come out after another 30 minutes of conversation with the room!
I am honestly sooo horrified about the country stooping into authoritarianism and what is happening and how IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS we could have had a normal, sane human woman in charge. Idk how anyone can look at anything that’s happening and think we are better off now than even a year ago. Jobs, culturally, economically, literally anything. #FDT now and forever
Hear, hear!
I’m far away from the USA geographically. But watching on with heart thumping panic.and gobsmacked horror. America, you’re in danger girl! Sending hugs and love.
I’m spending my weekend in our garden, which is absolutely BURSTING with cosmos, dahlias, zinnias and marigolds. My English cottage garden dreams have come true!!
Obviously Jimmy Kimmel should just start a youtube channel as his own boss, like IMMEDIATELY as a response. He can do exactly what he did before – he certainly has all the contacts, etc and I’m sure all the stars would be lining up to support his independence!
Unfortunately I think the bigger issue is that our government has the ability to influence speech in this way. People who speak out may move to other platforms and other countries even if they have to. But the underlying problem isn’t fixed by this. This happened in Russian when Putin took over and started shutting down television shows and networks that didn’t agree with the government. Now every journalist or anyone who speaks out against the government does so on foreign soil. It’s a slippery slope and a very scary one. If anyone out there knows how to help let me know! Feeling helpless
You’re missing the point entirely. The issue is government interference and censorship, not whether or not Jimmy Kimmel specifically could find another way to have a show.
Re crazy real estate: I recently made multiple offers OVER THE ASKING RENT to rental properties in the Bay Area, without having seen them, (I’d write “I’ll sign the lease today”) and still did not get the place. Absolutely bananas.
That neckline where the straps just go over your shoulders would drive me batty, but it looks amazing on Audrey Hepburn!
The Lutheran vs. German goodbye is too funny! It made me remember this hilarious TikTok of the cultural differences between Irish and German people giving/accepting cake (Irish-Irish, German-German, German-Irish, Irish-German). Found the link on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_ZzLsaP-5po
That‘s a favourite of mine!
My FAVORITE video. Take it take it take it!
I would add to the relationship tip article, “let’s stop arguing, we had planned to have sex right now.” Worked for us last night! Ha
lol after 20 years of happy marriage, I can vouch that a fair amount of bickering is really just “I need to get laid.” Especially in these crazy years of kid-related business, ill parents, and career stress. (Seriously, when are we together, alone, and awake????)
Lol
We’re on a family trip to Boston with our kids this week. My neurodivergent 6 year old is A LOT. He got poop on his shoes somehow and tracked it onto the carpet and elevator at the hotel. They had to close the elevator to clean it. They were really nice, but I’m still embarrassed hours later. He also threw fits all morning because he wanted to go to the park, not the aquarium. There’s been a lot of shirt chewing, sitting upside down at restaurants, yelling, which I know are how his brain works, but man. It’s affecting my own mental health, and I have extremely mixed feelings. He’s my kid who I love to death, but also sometimes I need a break from him. He’s seeing a new psychiatrist Monday and I am so hopeful we’ll get an accurate diagnosis and effective treatment.
I see you Sara B. You are a good mom and your kiddo is lucky to have you. It can be isolating to parent a neurodivergent child but you are not alone. I hope the new psychiatrist is great! Sending a virtual hug from another mom of a neurodivergent child- who at 15 now, delights and amazes me in ways I could never have imagined when he was 6 and causing all kinds of chaos! You’ll get there!
I’m sorry Sara, that sounds really hard! You sound like an amazing, patient mom, though. Of course you love your child, and of course you need breaks with peace and quiet where you can fully let your nervous system relax… are there ways you can schedule that in via a massage or yoga class or evening out with friends? I’m sure getting childcare isn’t easy but I hope that you’re able to get some down time soon! And best of luck on the diagnosis and treatment plan moving forward.
As the parent to a kid with ocd and adhd – just wanted to say you’re doing your absolute best right now and so are they. And you will find your way – little by little. Trial and error for what works for your family but it is so so exhausting and you absolutely must take breaks for yourself and prioritize yourself. If you are waking up anxious about the day already ( as I have been before) it’s hard to come down from that when inevitably things go wrong – so find a way to give yourself breaks. You deserve them – you’re amazing – you’ll get through this!
It’s okay to want and need a break! My son is 9 and I only have one so sometimes I feel like I have it easy compared to some—but I also really enjoy breaks from him! I’ve been thinking lately about how I do love this period of our lives. The sports schedule is absolutely no joke. But—I also look forward to a time when my life is more my own. Anyways, just want to say you deserve a break and should find time at some point to take one!
Compassion and solidarity with you, Sara B.
I can totally relate to your comment. I’ve been there and I understand how hard it is. Having breaks certainly helps and having the right treatment is key. The brain health movement website and podcasts have been extremely helpful to me as a resource and for support personally. Maybe this will help you as well.
Been there! Mom to two ND kids and travel is always really stressful for all of us. I totally get the secondhand embarrassment. This too shall pass and getting back home to your routines will be just the thing.
Solidarity! My now 11 year old neurodivergent son’s psychiatrist recommended/strongly pushed for me to spend 18 hours away once a month and it really helps with my patience and own mental health.
Sending you so much love. Years 6-7-even 8 a little were so hard for us (also ND kid). But my newly 10 year old is amazing me every day with his maturity and abilities. And sometimes I still need a break from him. But as a dog owner…. The only one who should be embarrassed about the dog poop is the piece-of- owner who didn’t pick it up in the first place!!
And WOG – what a gem of a psychotherapist. Mostly through coincedence I’ve been traveling alone about once a year since 2022 and at first I felt kind of guilty but I am now soooooo looking forward to my trip in November and not managing anyone’s needs but my own for 10 days.
A a mom to a ND kiddo, I promise you it gets better. I really thought my sons with severe adhd would live in our basement forever but he’s graduating next spring and has already been offered an excellent scholarship at a nearby college. If you had asked me if this was possible when he was 8yo I would have said, “no possible way.” Keep doing what you are doing, mama! You are doing great! Dont forget that very often kids that struggle in one area have a super ability in another area. Find that little spark and fan it!!
Just closed on a house I won’t see in person until mid-October 😭🤞
From France, I can now feel your posts are here to cheer up and spread solidarity through what you’re going through in the us. You’re doing it so well I think! The Jon Stewart link is fantastic, and the comments moved me to tears. Keep standing readers of CupofJo! There is light. You are the light! Love from Paris
Merci, Agnes! Your posts always bring so much light, too!
Thank you.
Oof this actually had me tearing up. Thank you, Agnes. Love from LA
Agnes, thank you for your encouraging words. I always love reading your posts!
A gentle reminder that Kimmel was not adhering to FCC guidelines. It was explained to me that it’s similar to profanity: if someone were to use profane language on television (not cable, mind you!) the station could lose their license. That’s my understanding, at least, and open to hearing a different POV…
If this was truly the reason then why would he need to apologize and also make a substantial donation to TPUSA ? It’s wishful thinking and apologetics to call it anything else than what it is and that’s censorship
Kimmel is entertainment, not news and under the guidelines Carr is trying to use that relates to news. And if the mild thing that Kimmel said was sufficient to be considered distortion then I have to wonder how Fox News stays on air at all.
In what way was he not adhering to the guidelines?
Huh? Similar to what? I don’t think the person who explained this to you knows what they are talking about.
🤦
What exact words did he say that are supposedly against FCC guidelines? I’m not buying it for a second. A Fox News guy is totally fine after he said individuals should receive involuntary lethal injection. He also said, “Just kill ’em”.
who explained that to you?
The FCC’s oversight over news broadcasters does not apply to late night comedy. It’s a comedy show, not a news show. The person who explained this to you is incorrect, and by their logic, all cable news (Fox, MSNBC, etc) would be subject to the same “news distortion” provision and would be pulled off the air.
Pretty sure this is incorrect information.
Lol ok please explain how a Fox News commentator can advocate for mentally ill and homeless people to get killed and then not lose his job. Please.
@Lane, you made a similar seemingly wishy washy (but underneath pro fascist) comment last week about Charlie Kirk. Seriously, get educated and maybe find somewhere else to post your inane takes.
This is neither true nor informed.
I’m sorry Lane, but this is not true. Brendan Carr, Head of the FCC, objected to something that Jimmy Kimmel said in his opening monologue. Carr warned ABC and affiliates that they could face repercussions if Kimmel was not punished. Note: the two largest affiliates are currently seeking merger approval and requesting a rules change at the FCC. After Carr’s comments, the two largest affiliates pulled the show and then ABC suspended the show. A few days later Brian Kilmeade said, on Fox, that homeless people should be given involuntary lethal injections but Carr hasn’t commented on that. It appeared that the government pushed CBS to cancel The Colbert Show but there doesn’t seem to be any proof of that. In this case, the public comments by the head of the FCC indicate that the government is censoring a business.
I watched the Kimmel show that got him cancelled. What exactly did he say that was against the FCC guidelines? In fact, he just showed a clip of Trump and his own gloating of something random when asked about Charlie Kirk. It showed the level of empathy/sympathy that Trump has. In any case, if we are holding TV broadcasters to certain guidelines, then what about FOX news and what about even Trump who bashes anyone and everyone (women, people of color, disabled people, teen girls like Greta Thunberg). I think Trumps quotes/speeches shouldnt be shown on TV as well since it is all hate speech.
I’m currently house hunting after a move and that McSweeney’s article captures my feelings perfectly!!! This system is bananas! I’ve walked through a house twice so now I feel great dropping several years’ income and committing to living there for my child’s entire childhood. It seems like you should at least get to do a sleepover. And every moment I’m so aware what a privilege it is to even be in this position when most people can’t buy a house in our expensive market. Truly bizarre!
I am going to walk across the Williamsburg Bridge to meet my husband at our favorite movie theater, which is what we do almost every Friday; the servers know us so well that they sometimes sneak us free tater tots with no scallions in the queso, just the way Joe likes them. (He is of course a maniac, scallions are the best.) I am also breathlessly waiting to hear back on my application to volunteer at the local horror film festival! Pros: I have worked other film festivals before and am a dependable spare body. Cons: I have no fancy technical skills at all. In that field I just wrote “…but if you need someone to build you a website with Blogger I AM YOUR WOMAN.”
Oh Lauren O., the woman you are.
fingers crossed you get it!!! (special tater tots AND the film festival gig)
Nitehawk? I would love to be such a regular to get free tots – enjoy!
I am so happy you found somebody who will not dance with you. It sounds nice to find somebody who matches your energy. Happy for you.