Four Fun Things
Have you watched Love on the Spectrum? For a while, I held off because I worried it would feel exploitative. But when friends kept raving about it, I watched and realized that it’s actually really beautiful. The producers treat the cast members with so much respect — they’re never the punchline — and their families are full of love. I was really moved. This scene (click to watch) — where Connor, 26, tells his mom he doesn’t want a life of fame like Princess Diana — is a sweet example.
This fall, I’ve been spotting leopard print on women ev-er-y-where, and it feels like a cool neutral with jeans and a red lip. Three easy pieces: sweater, dress, and flats.
When I called him last night, Freddie was in the middle of making Melissa Clark’s harvest muffins for his kids. “She said they never come back home in the lunchbox,” he told me. “They’re really good and moist.” Inspired, the boys and I are going to make a batch for back-to-school breakfasts.
As someone who slips quietly out of parties, and will die on that hill, I smiled when I saw this trinket tray.
P.S. More fun things, and what are your random turn-ons?
(Muffin photo by Johnny Miller/NYTimes.)
Tags: fun things
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162 commentsLove the leopard/cheetah items – so perfect for fall. Animal print always reminds me of my stylish grandmother – like I am channeling a bit of her glamour.
I have been making the harvest muffins at least once a month for my son’s lunch since he was 3!! He still loves them. Don’t skimp on the coconut, I use cranberries or cherries over raisins, and don’t be afraid to use more than a cup of the shredded veg – I use 1.5 and bake for a bit longer – they’re even more moist!
Ive been navigating breast cancer this summer so it cut down on fun things but i always make an effort to add them 1. School drop off got earlier this year so i decided to stop at a local park and watch the sunrise over the river after dropping the kids. 2. After my surgery I got tons of flowers. Every few days i cut them down a bit and cull the wilted ones and it feels like new flowers are constantly arriving 3. The ninja slushi. The hype is true 4. Bread bowls. We got a lot of bread and soup delivered and my kids decided to make bread bowls. So middle class decadent — it took me back to the 90s at Perkins diner.
Hang in there Mary. Pulling for you. Those sunrises are a great way to start the day, right? (I walk my dog at sunrise). And bread and soup!! Nothing better, c especially as we move into autumn. I think I’m gonna revamp our weekly menus to add a day devoted to breads and soups. Sweet potato with dumplings. Tomato soup and grilled cheese. Creamy potato and biscuits. Yum. But mostly, thinking of you.
To me, Love on the Spectrum, like all reality TV actually, pulls together exploitation and voyeurism. As a sister of a person on the spectrum, I have sincere doubts about the full ability of many of the participants to truly consent. It’s also what I think about kids and even some adults involved in reality TV. I feel irresponsible supporting production companies that do this, so I do not watch.
As endearing as I find the ceramics artists work, I am recently engaged to an Irishman, and it is not a French exit, it is an Irish good bye, and I will die on that hill.
100% came here to say the same thing! Married to an Irishman for 25 years, and learning to perfect the double Irish goodbye was a key part of our early life together!
100%. I’ve been married to a Frenchie for 17 years and the bisous bisous to EVERYONE when you arrive and leave just about kill me lol. My husband finds it so rude if I try to slip out.
In France they call it an English exit (“filer à l’anglaise”)!
In French we say “filer à l’anglaise” – leave English style! Oh, the not-s-subtle discrimination present in old-timey expressions…
For those that adore Love on the Spectrum, I highly recommend watching the movie, “The Other Sister”. It’s a love story like no other and with an all-star cast: Diane Keaton, Juliette Lewis, and Giovanni Ribisi. https://youtu.be/3CHT1Lf9ZC8?si=PdjIfgQikaQObn2e
Is anyone watching Task, the HBO series with Mark Ruffalo and Tom Pelphrey? Both are so good in it (as is the actress who plays Pelphrey’s niece)!
Just started watching. Plenty of tension-drama dialogue. Big fan of Ruffalo’s work. Episode 2 was intense!
Will probably start watching tonight…especially now that The Summer I Turned Pretty is over! And whether it is an Irish Goodby or a French Exit…that is and always has been me!
My aunt Paula gave me this phrase recently while recounting a story about waiting on a friend who made several lengthy goodbyes from a party. “I piss-appear. I say I’m going to take a piss and then I disappear!”
My husband and I also just recently discovered “Love on the Spectrum” and it is SO endearing.
When I read someone’s comment about a place where we can be positive, discuss ideas, ask for help with things from finding a winter coat to dealing with family issues…I don’t think there is a Facebook group for Cup of Jo is there? It would be private so we only have people in it who are kind and interesting and often funny …the ones who follow this blog.
I actually love the CoJ comment section for just that purpose! readers often will ask questions that aren’t related to the post, and we love that, it makes the site feel like a blog AND a forum. xoxo
I’m not on social media so I really treasure these kinds of spaces! There are so few of them, sadly. I absolutely love that it’s public so people like me can accidentally stumble upon it and experience the beauty of all these amazing people.
Agree with Ann – lots of people avoid social media and I love being able to comment on the blog.
Hail the French exit. Applied before I learned the move had a name. Mostly because I dislike interrupting a convo ppl are having just because I’m departing. I get my tyous in mid-gathering. The tasty muffin recipe works using a 9×13 pan as well. I add a bit of rye flour and frost with honey butter. Never caught Love on the Spectrum but will now. Just finished reading, Maine Characters. Another terrific CupofJ rec. Finished making homemade celery salt and a few batches of sun dried tomatoes.
I thought that was called an “Irish goodbye”? And didn’t Cup of Jo do a thing on just that subject years ago?
They appear to be one and the same – kissing cousins! I like to think any topic raised on CupofJ is a continual discussion.
Another fun thing: The Good Hang Podcast with Amy Poehler – start with the Zarna Garg episode – it will make you laugh and brought some levity to my day. Take gentle care fellow readers.
omg I’m in LOVE with Zarna Garg and her comedy and her podcast!!!! I just interviewed her today for big salad and cannot wait to share the issue xoxoxoxoxo
Joanna the scream I scrumpt when I read your comment about interviewing her for Big Salad. I cannot even wait.
I loved Zarna’s comedy…. but her posts (on her stories) after October 7th were deeply problematic. I cannot say I support her journey any longer given the hate she expressed for “certain” groups of ppl.
@S A I know she voiced support for Israel on 10/7 and has condemned anti-Semitism. That’s not hateful. Where do you see she expressed “hate” for groups of people?
Love on the Spectrum is one of my favourite shows – I literally cry in every episode! Humanity at its sweetest.
I attended a wedding where, at the beginning of their reception speech, the bride and groom told their guests they welcomed and encouraged Irish goodbyes! I was thrilled!
Freddie, I need you to know that I dropped what I was doing to make these muffins. (I have a job, so this was a questionable choice.) But boy, people were not kidding: this recipe is super adaptable. I added more carrots because I had less shredded coconut, applesauce instead of a grated apple, aaaaand more raisins (I used golden raisins) because I dig ’em. It still made EXACTLY 12 regular-sized muffins. They were also fast to make, so hopefully I will not be fired for the 30 mins I spent knocking these out. Cross your fingers for me!
I didn’t know that a French exit was the same as an Irish goodbye. I looked it up and found a movie called French Exit that sounds good. Pop in with your reviews for anyone who has seen it!
Interesting to learn that the film French Exit was made in Ireland!
I’ve seen the French Exit movie. It’s quirky. A widow (Michelle Pfeiffer) who is broke goes, along with her adult son (Lucas Hedges), to live in a borrowed Paris apartment. Drama ensues, along with odd characters. It’s pretty good.
Rather than get mired in the question of which nationality can leave a party the fastest, my family has simply adopted this strategy as our own. We call it after our own last name – a Huntington goodbye. A modified version includes the host shouting, “it’s time to go! Everyone out!” Followed by a mad dash to the door. Simple, straightforward, and the easiest way to enjoy an evening hand and still preserve a 10pm bedtime.
I lol’ed to this!! Love that strategy! We have darling friends in their early 70s who live in a magical house in SF. Think tall and skinny, on a hill, twinkle lights twined in the avocado trees which form a forest ceiling over you when you’re on the deck. And because it’s SF, the weather is never great, but it’s usually good enough to stay outside long into the night if you’re layered up. All to say… these gents are fabulous hosts and their home is so delightful, nobody ever wants to leave. In order to get us all out (and preserve their 10pm bedtimes) they put an end time on their party invites and when that doesn’t work (because it never works) when they’re ready for us to go, they start blasting their Jingle Cats CD at top volume. We cry with laughter (while very quickly putting on our coats!!) https://open.spotify.com/track/6PKbIQkurI3n6mjTmxDus4?si=f197e2764d6841e4
Instead shouting “It’s time to go!”, my mom used to say to my dad, only half joking, “Honey, let’s put our pajamas on so these nice people can go home!” (It took years before I realized how hilarious this actually is.)
Ha! We host a group of friends for dinner every couple of months. When it is time (agreed upon by me and my husband) he always announces “Ok…get out!”. No one is surprised or put out…they know we had fun but it’s time!
at our annual Christmas party my father would put on “carol of the bells” on repeat, very loudly as what he called “Go Home music”. It worked a charm!
@ALV hahahahahhaha
I made those muffins last week! They disappeared quickly : )
Those muffins look great and I have everything on hand except the coconut, which I’ll just omit. Think I’ll make some today. Thanks Freddie!
A bit off topic, but since there were some clothing recs in the post, I thought I would ask. I recently moved from California to the mid-Atlantic and am suddenly struck with the realization that it’s going to get cold soon. I wear a lot of Keds/slip-on sneakers that don’t require socks, but I think my tootsies are going to freeze off if I don’t invest in some more solid shoes. What do people put on their feet in colder weather? Heavier sneakers? Boots? How important is waterproofing? I see lots of cute options with fur/shearling, but I’m not sure how practical those are or if they’ll hold up. Tell me your cold weather ways!
my secret is warm socks (merino wool or alpaca) and regular boots –– shearling/fur boots seem impractical to me because they make my feet too hot (and how do you wash the inside if they get sweaty?). my skin is sensitive to natural fibers, so i usually layer thin cotton socks under merino wool or alpaca. some days i end up taking off my warm socks and just wearing the cotton : ) brands i like: smartwool, warrior socks hope this helps : )
I live in Blundstone boots + wool socks in the winter! They’re pretty low-profile and easy to pull on and off. I also wear a pair of winterized Vans high tops, which look like normal Vans but are insulated and have grippy treads. I walk to work most days, and these keep me comfy! Pairing shoes with warm wool socks goes a long way, and I’ve heard it’s actually warmer to have thinner socks–something about air circulation?
Strong vote for non-snow boots (mine are blundstone). Depending on where you are (I assume mid-Atlantic means somewhere between Philly and DC and not New England?), it doesn’t snow that much but the winter is wet enough and cold enough that neither work shoes nor sneakers really cut it, and DEF not enough to warrant switching from bean boots to real shoes once you make it there. Blundstone and the like work for me for commuting and for work
Mid-Atlantic winters tend to be pretty wet. As a New England transplant, I find winter here to be weirdly humid, also, which maybe doesn’t make sense but it just kind of seeps into your bones in a way cold northeastern weather doesn’t. Socks, to me, are the most important. We do a lot of the thick, cushiony smart wool. Then you want waterproof outdoor shoes (rain boots or waterproof leather boots). I just change into indoor shoes when I get to my job because I find it stifling to wear the warm socks/waterproof combo all day. I don’t know where you are, but in Northern VA we only get a few true snow days a year (last year being an exception). So you may want snow boots, but probably won’t wear them as much. Welcome! I don’t love winter here but our glorious springs make up for it.
I moved from Hawaii to Minnesota in October when I was 15 – I have thought A LOT about this! I agree with the sock recommendations. Think about wicking – your feet will sweat throughout the day, and you want that moisture away from your skin. Wet is the enemy of warm. On the other hand, you want to have a water-resistant shoe so water doesn’t come in too much – but not so water proof that water can’t evaporate out of your socks. My recommendation is to get a boot with thinsulate, not shearling; you can always get a shearling insole if you want more coziness. Get a boot you can clean and apply waterproofing to. There are a lot of guides around but I really like Lee Vosburgh’s guide
Second the recommendation for warm socks and regular boots! Mid-Atlantic doesn’t actually get *that* cold most of the time so you probably don’t need fur-lined boots. I’d spring for waterproof though if you can since we get rain/sleet a lot. Mostly what I wore/saw people wearing last winter are Chelsea boots with warm socks. Welcome to the East Coast!
Yes to warm, wool socks! I love sorel boots because they are waterproof but don’t look waterproof. Other suggestions: a good pair of gloves and fleece-lined leggings or tights to layer under pants or skirts. Also, a good wool hat! 90% of winter misery can be solved by the right clothes (I grew up in Florida and was terrified when I moved to Milwaukee!). Remember that it’s very normal to take layers off after arriving to your destination—I didn’t know that at first, and was wary of being toasty once indoors. Totally normal to remove long underwear or an extra pair of socks, or even bring different shoes with you!
I’m not mid-Atlantic, but I did move from So Cal to a tiny mountain town in the high Sierra Nevada Mountains in the fall, so I know the feeling. Now, 13 years later (how is that possible, scratch head) I’ve tried all kinds of boots and I’m here to pile on the Blundstone love. I go old school and treat mine with SnoSeal for waterproofing. With a wool sock year round -even in 90 degree heat they’re the bestest. It took me a bit of tinkering to find my size, so ideally find a brick and mortar to try them on. I love that they slip on & off and have that handy pull tab on the back. And unsolicited, but I recently bought myself 10 pair of bright fair isle socks from Nordic Sock to replace the practical wool trail socks from Costco that I’ve always had. Now each morning is a delight as I smile at the colors when I pull them on. Lastly, before I go, a pair of knee-high MUCK boots are also essential for mucky, melty or deep snow days. The insulated upper is the bomb.
Minnesotan here- another vote for blundstones! Probably six years ago I bought mine (the style with about a 1” heel as I have a more feminine style) and they’re my favorite winter shoe for days when we don’t get a ton of snow, which is most days. They last forever.
These are great recommendations! Thank you everyone. It sounds like I’m going to need to invest in my sock game as much as my shoe game!
Mid Atlantic girlie my whole life. For just regular cold, damp winter days, I wear waterproofed leather Chelsea boots with warm socks. I also have snow boots in case they are needed.
@Brit, thanks for that rec! I just got 10 pairs as well as they are 30%off – perfect timing!
I moved from SoCal to Boston to DC to CO. The key is something warm and waterproof. Blondo makes cute waterproof booties for shoulder season. Blind stone makes an *insulated* waterproof version of their classic boot. You can wear it with warm but thinner socks and feel just fine. PS – CO wins for winter. Tell No One.
I’m not anywhere really cold (Vancouver Canada) but I second Blundstones and wool socks. I swear by Darn Tough Socks – https://darntough.com/ They are LEGIT guaranteed for life. I have thus far returned multiple pairs of holey socks multiple times (2 to 3 years after getting them) and they have never said boo. Just send me a new pair in the mail. Every time. To make up for me I gift them A LOT. (And rave about them on random websites)
Oop, my link didn’t post. The muffin recipe is here: https://www.swistle.com/2009/07/24/increased-nutrition-muffin-recipe/
That muffin recipe is very similar to this one which I have made for my two girls for breakfast for several years. So easy to just put out muffins on plates in the morning. I don’t put them in lunchboxes because of the peanut butter, but as the author points out you could substitute sunbutter if lunch is the end goal. You can also substitute other wet ingredients, such as applesauce or leftover cooked oatmeal.
I think we can all agree that the times call for at least six fun things.
hahahahaha
This is what I came here for! Thank you!
Hahaha brilliant.
Comment of the year, Maggie!
Exquisit, Maggie! Omg imagine your wish would come true. :) Also imagine, there will come a time where we could go back to 4 fun things again because the clouds suddenly decided to hug the earth in a big white flag and gave us all a peace-squeeze. Oh wow :)
Genuinely lol’d
just the best
Random aside. I am really struggling emotionally with the changes happening in the US politically and culturally. As in, a bit of a depression. I would really love to have a community to turn to, not a group focused on activism, though that could be a part of it of course. More of a group of like minded progressive people who talk about how to stay good, grounded, emotionally health people in the midst of all of this. Any ideas? I have friends and family members who I can and do talk to about these things. But think I really need something that has a little distance from my day-to-day life if that makes sense. What are you all doing?
I get the Americans of Conscience newsletter—comes every few weeks has some actions to take and also shares some positive things that are going on. I do rely on chatting about it with my friends, briefly. I think a book club might also be nice if it is a book club that leans toward chatty and away from homework assignment rigidity.
I recommend getting involved in something you believe in –– whether that’s mutual aid or something like Indivisible or volunteering for a campaign. Working to make change is the best way to connect with other people and stave off the depressing feeling of helplessness, imo. For me, talking about things instead of doing something about them (even if I am talking with like-minded people) can make me end up feeling worse. I’m also prioritizing therapy and exercise and spending time with people I love. Something’s gotta give, and for me that’s cleaning. My house is a mess, but I am not, and that matters more to me. Sending you love and courage
Volunteer! I serve on my city’s Library Foundation Board, and I have friends who are on the school board, the historical preservation board, or Friends of the Library, who go and help shelve books. Find the neediest school near you and join their PTA or just be the person who comes in once a week and laminates everything. I recently read “annoyance is the price of community” and it’s so true! Do I feel like reading through 30 pages of nonprofit board protocol tonight? I do not. But it’s the price of working alongside an incredible team of women who are making my town a better place to live!
After the election of 2016, I was bereft. (Little did I know) And I started going to the local Unitarian Universalist church for this reason. I know church is not the answer for a lot of people and can come with baggage/trauma. But UUs come from all walks of life and are bound by (progressive) principles, not a particular dogma. There are social justice committees and activism happening but it’s not the focus for our church. Each Sunday I get to come together with like-minded (but wonderfully, widely different!) people from different generations and we explore ways to have a deeper, more fulfilling, meaningful life and how to make the world a little more just and kind. The weekly ritual helps me but no one bats an eye if you miss a week or a month. It’s come as you are. I have found so many friends and kindred spirits who help me through these crazy times there. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a quiet place to go each week and listen to the piano. I never thought I’d be pitching church to people and like all communities it does come with some inconvenience (Sunday mornings! Being asked to serve on committees! The occasional petty drama!) but it’s greatly enhanced my mental health to have this community for our family. Sincerely hoping you find a group that helps you cope.
Besides protests being my new hobby (they are shockingly uplifting and fun!) I volunteer at some non-political non profits that I feel strongly about such as outdoor education, community clean up, and bird protections. I’m a wildflower festival guide (that training was long but so fun and I met lot of other people and the final commitment was short) I guide snowshoe fieldtrips for kids which is a bigger time commitment but starting a day in the canyon with children is very healing) and I sometimes show up for one day volunteer events for community river clean ups or local bird protection events. If you don’t want to get your hands dirty there are often fundraiser benefit events that can be great! I find the people at all these things have my same political views but when you share what you do with anyone from the other side they still find it admirable and interesting to hear about. (Environmentalism is my “gateway drug” to talking to my Trumpy parents)
My family and I are moving to Spain. I’ve also been a ball of stress an anxiety since early November 2024, and now that the decision has been made, I can focus my energy on everything necessary to move forward with the plan.
I am treating myself to a taskrabbit cleaner because my house is also a mess – I just can’t focus on cleaning right now when it takes all my energy to keep my head together…
A French exit is when you leave while you’re sober. An Irish exit is when you leave after you’ve had some drinks!
hahahahaha!
I love this take–I always understood it as French Exit is what folks say in Europe (and elsewhere??) and Irish goodbye is American slang.
Kelsey, I know you may have meant this as harmless jokey comment but it’s still a pejorative stereotype that doesn’t need any additional reinforcement.
Ooh, adding the muffins to my meal plan
Any last-minute recs for a trip to Manhattan this week? We are seeing Oh, Mary and no other plans! Thanks!
Im not a New Yorker but when I go I love to walk the High Line and end at the Whitney and spend a couple hours there then walk the high line back or hop off somewhere to eat! Hope this helps!
I have recommended the Tenement Museum to a few friends who all loved it! We also loved the Poster House and the MTA transit museum in Brooklyn.
Don’t take cabs in Manhattan if you can help it. Traffic is always a nightmare in Midtown and the UES when the UN is in session. Have a blast!
I bet El Museo del Barrio is great this time of year (Latine Heritage Month)!
I’m just echoing Tyler to HIGHLY recommend the tenement museum! Book tickets online ahead of time because the tours can book up. After the tour, there are lots of great places to grab quick bite around there too!
The Tenement Museum and High Line were both great- thanks! Also recommend a stop at the Pickle Guys, also on the Lower East Side!
Can vouch for the muffins! Those and ‘oh she glows’ energy balls got my kids out the door each day last week ( they get one after shoes and coats are on for the walk to school! Also, mini muffin tins should really be a standard baby shower gift to get you through the first 10 years.
Hear to call for more threads on parenting neurodiverse/ASD kids. My kid is a tenderhearted soft boy who is 2e and “normal” enough be tormented about why he can’t fit in but too ND and resistant to social skills training to mend it. My heart burns for the social difficulties he has with boys in his (mainstream) school. Yet he’s too high functioning for any ASD group we’ve tried. It’s been a rough couple of years.
I would love more threads on this too. My son is 2 and was just diagnosed with autism. We’re taking things one day at a time, but to hear from other parents on COJ would be wonderful.
Hi Jules, I’m in a similar place and have asked for posts like this too. Hopefully our request is heard. I have two boys, one diagnosed with ADHD and the other is process of what I assume will result in a diagnosis (meeting with the pediatrician next Tuesday after literal years of waiting for help). I had no idea how challenging and isolating this could be. If CoJ could shed light on parenting neurodiverse children, it could be a help to so many! I think it’s the perfect place for it. Sending you internet hugs, Jules! You can do this, one day at a time.
yes for sure! we would love to do this. thank you so much for these comments, and more to come :)
I agree! I am a parent to a toddler not specifically with ASD but dealing with couple different things. I don’t think it is discussed enough how lonely it gets either with everything. Most of the comfort comes from Reddit or online… so solidarity to you Jules. I can only imagine how hard you are working every day.
Seconding! Or, maybe a post on resources for parents of neurotypical kids, so they can help their kids build empathy towards ND kids. It takes a village and us as adults can hopefully shape more conscious kids. My son struggles with friendships, too. There was a NT neighbor boy whose mom had such grace interacting with my son – she was instrumental in helping us bridge a friendship between the boys and her son developed such grace.
Hi Jules, just replying to say I see you. I am a SEN teacher and the explosion in diagnoses we have seen in the last few years means there is very little support for those who “manage”- but this doesn’t mean the struggle isn’t real, especially for parents or guardians who seem always take the brunt. I know it’s hard. I also really believe that it takes many strands to make a person, and socialising might not be his strength right now but that doesn’t mean it will be that way forever: this is a skill and a journey like any other and it sounds like he has a wonderful parent to support him to navigate that. Gosh I really hope this doesn’t sound patronising, that is not my intention at all! I don’t know how old your son is but I work with neurodiverse students 16+ and they find their people: I’m sure he will find his tribe and it’ll be all the better for not pandering to the kids who torment him. Hang in there x
Just checked back in on this post and want to give you all big virtual hugs for your compassionate replies and in solidarity to your own struggles. I’m not a crier but I’m tearing up right now. Thank you. As many have said over the years, the CoJ comment community is truly something special in this dark world 💕
Chiming in to say that I see you. I just sent my oldest, who is autistic and has ADHD, off to college. It was a really long and unexpected road to get there. It is super isolating because parenting is so different, and it can be hard to find parenting friends who understand, even when they try. Most people have only experienced the typical course of human development. They have little else to go on. But you and your kids are great and amazing. No matter the messages that you get from other around you, believe that with all your heart!❤️
Jules – if you get a chance check out the online school Ideal 4 Gifted. My kids lived there time with them, it’s an online school catering to 2e kids. They made deep and lasting friendships. The teachers have an incredible understanding for the needs of 2e students. And even if you don’t need the school at this point, they have seminars throughout the year that are really helpful.
I feel this so hard! My daughter doesn’t fit in with the kids at a mainstream school yet is too high functioning for any ASD group/school we’ve seen. It feels great to not be alone in this but I’m so sorry to see that others are struggling, too.
hi Jules, just chiming in to say I was/am a 2e kid (diagnosed, pretty rare in the 90s) navigating intense sensitivity, never fitting in or belonging, and a world that expected me to conform. I think the most important and powerful thing a parent can do for a kid like I was is to work through and manage their own feelings about rejection and belonging. be a safe, encouraging harbour without bringing any of your hurt or fear about what they’re experiencing or what the future may bring. if your sweet boy is anything like me, he can probably feel exactly how you’re experiencing his pain, and that can double it. maybe you’re doing this already, which is awesome! your kid is going to grow up to be someone amazing. I’m 35 now and have a happy life, and it’s taken a journey, but I do love the way my brain works and I love that I now have excellent discernment when it comes to the people I surround myself with. thinking of you and your kiddo! lots of love.
Thank you A.E. This is important insight and I will apply it. So glad you’re in a happy place in life. It’s so beautitful and encouraging. Folks on this thread, if you happen to check it again – if you want to connect, please reach out: aliasvivian@gmail.com
A.E. thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. I so appreciate. Jules, you are not alone – as you know and can feel from this thread. We are still relatively early in our journey and though are families and community are quite supportive, I’m still startled by how lonely this feels. Therapy and texts with my dearest friends have been true lifelines for me. Jo, I so look forward to your posts on this when the time is right. I know you have been immensely thoughtful about neurodiversity in the past and have no doubt you’ll approach this with such tender care.
Just wanted to say I too am a parent of a 2E 10-year-old and I see you and am sending the biggest virtual hugs. I had no idea how lonely this road would be–I organize a local parent of ND kiddos meet-up and while it’s lovely to have the community and to be around people who get it in the broad sense, our kids are so profoundly different in their needs that I often feel like our family is just living on another planet, trying to figure things out on our own (and it’s not easy). In those really hard moments, I’m working–thanks to the help of a new therapist–on just acknowledging their difficulty and sending my son and myself compassion–and now sending it to you all too.
Not a parent, but I am someone who didn’t find out until their 30’s that she’s on the spectrum. While on the one hand having that information made my childhood make WAY more sense – on the other hand, I can tell you that unless your kid is on the extreme end of the spectrum, they’re going to be okay. There will be rough moments and meltdowns but overall, they’re going to do great. I know it is TECHNICALLY a disability but you know what? It really isn’t. It’s just a different way of processing information (particularly sensory information). You may need to help them navigate, but that’s okay. If I could figure it out without even knowing why I was the way I was – and in the 80’s and 90’s when resources, especially for girls on the spectrum, were nil! – then your kid is going to do even better.
A.E. Couldn’t agree more. As a therapist whose area of research is parenting a neurodivergent kiddo and who specialises in working with parents of ND children, (and has lived experience!) it is really important to work through your own feelings and get support if you can. I’m in the UK so support here is very different, but if you can afford therapy look for someone who practices in a neuro-affirmative way and who has had specialist training in ND. (Not always the case here in the U.K.).
For those who aren’t your neighbors looking for resources, here are a few that I have leaned on many times over the 18 years I have parented my neurodiverse daughter: Additude Magazine, online Understood.org Both of the above provide information that is vetted by medical professionals. Also, every state is required to have a parent training and information center for families with kids in special education. These are usually local non profits. Google “parent training center special education – [your state]” Be aware that these are funded by the federal dept of education, which is starting to infiltrate their local activities and the info they provide. My friend who is a parent support coach also just started a podcast with quick episodes specific for parenting neurodivergent kids and navigating school. It’s called Unlocking School Success. It’s good, practical info.
I find Love on the Spectrum infantilizes the participants, as a person on the spectrum and a parent of children on the spectrum. Morgan Foley on Instagram analyzed it well
I agree Renee. I have an autistic son and I find I can’t watch it. Even when everyone is applauded or treated with respect, I see the deep longing of the participants and the hopes of the parents and can’t help but hope my child has it easier…and that when he’s 30 I’m not deeply involved in coaching his relationships. I just don’t get the warm fuzzies from watching it but if it makes people who aren’t getting exposure to autistic people have more positive associations, I guess that’s a good thing? I’m conflicted.
I feel this way about the show Astrid et Raphaelle. The actors aren’t autistic! Not everything is realistic! But it’s pretty close most of the time and if it gets people thinking and empathizing maybe it’s a good thing?
I waited on Love on the Spectrum for the same reasons, but was blown away by it when I finally watched. I think it might be the singular best piece of media I have consumed in the past year. It has been so long (maybe ever?) since a reality show has felt so sincere and kind.
I’ve always heard of it called an Irish Goodbye. Love that, while several nationalities claim this, the Italians do NOT. Ours would be a whole ass platter and it would say “oh and another thing…”
laughing at the truth of this!!
LOL. I am a regular of the Irish Goodbye. However, I prefer the Irish Hello (not even showing up) sometimes, depending on the event! LOL
What I find interesting is that the French call it an English Exit. And no Irish person (in my experience as an Italian-and-Irish American) would ever call it an Irish Exit. So I find it to be a dig at another culture. Anyone else? I could be wrong but this is how I just something I’ve noticed!
Married into an Italian family and I’m dying at this comment! Too true
Julie, I have never heard the term except on COJ and it always makes me cringe for the same reasons. My extensive Irish-American family is All About The Goodbyes, so it feels false and a bit offensive. I’m very open to the Irish readers to correct me if this is actually common in Ireland.
I’m a fan of the French or Irish goodbye because without it, it would be a midwestern goodbye. Sounds very similar to an Italian Goodbye!
Is anyone else old enough to remember the late columnist Ann Landers talking about British and Yiddish goodbyes? (I think I have standing to quote her. I’m Jewish but one of my parents was born in South Africa before it became a Republic instead of part of the British empire/commonwealth.) According to Ann Landers the British left without saying good-bye, and the Yiddish said good-bye without leaving. Neither departure involved any sin beyond being quite talkative…but I apologize if I’m offending anyone. Truly not my intention.
I’m in a number of autism communities, and at some point, someone in one of those communities circulated a YouTube video in which a bunch of Love Island footage had been re-edited using the pacing and the music from Love on the Spectrum…a bit like those videos in which a horror film is edited to look like a comedy, or vice versa. It was hilarious, and it made its point very well. I can’t find it now–it probably had to be taken down for copyright infringement of some kind. This comment is not meant to disparage Love on the Spectrum, the show, just to share an affectionate and wry perspective.
I’m so divided about the Love on the Spectrum show. I watched 1 season of the Australian series and I did find it interesting. I work with students on the spectrum and I was intrigued by the coach. I also have an adult son on the spectrum, who has not shown interest in dating thus far…but who knows. I get weirded out when shows (memes, articles, etc.) portray these individuals as inspirational, cute, endearing, etc. They are human adults after all, and who’s inspirational all the time? Seems like sometimes expectations are higher for them than for neurotypical people. I do love that ASD is receiving more notice and acceptance…I have mixed feelings though.
I don’t think anyone is misguided into thinking anyone is “inspirational all the time”? But to see these “best sides” of neurodivergent people seeking love is absolutely wonderful. Only fools would think anyone is inspirational all the time so why worry about that? Be inspired by a few moments of potential! It’s ok. Also, perhaps your son doesn’t even think love is possible for him. I know many neuro-typical people who think the same thing! If anything, consider watching the show with him and see if he has any thoughts afterwards. Maybe HE will be inspired to reach higher. Maybe not, but at least he will see that it is possible. It is SO helpful to see examples of success even if we don’t attain those goals, it is uplifting and part of life to at least try. Hope this helps and best of luck to you both.
I appreciate COJ because the dialogue is accepting of various points of view. I don’t judge anyone for watching (or participating in) this show. However, within disability communities this show and these types of media have brought about concerned dialogues about ableism and inspiration porn. Becca, I’m sure you meant well. My son and I took a class together on dating through the Autism Society of America and had a date to prom. He says he isn’t interested and that’s ok, he has had many other accomplishments. I would applaud COJ writing articles featuring persons on the spectrum and their unique perspectives as well as parents of children on the spectrum at different levels. their unique perspectives as well as parents of children on all levels of the spectrum.
He had a date to prom with another classmate on the spectrum in a supported group (not with his mom, lol !)
I wholeheartedly loved Love on the Spectrum. Be sure to watch the Australia as well! It truly felt that the makers had the best intentions and actually followed through on them! It felt sweet and hopeful and kind. Rarely true in the realm of reality types of shows!
I have never seen Love on the Spectrum, would definitely like to, but the biggest thing I took from that video linked was that was his MOTHER??!!? Whatever’s in the water in “Podunk, Georgia” should be bottled up and sold.
If you liked Love on the Spectrum and are looking for some more, I highly recommend the original Australian version. With the same lovely creator (the guy’s voice you hear throughout) filming.
Thank you for putting Somebody Somewhere back on my radar! My husband and I are finally finishing the first season and keep looking up and smiling at each other at the same moments.
yay for four fun things! those muffins look right up my alley-thanks Freddie!
I always say that the people on love on the spectrum are the best daters ever. Everyone should take a page from them! They are honest, they know exactly what they are looking for and which values matter most to them, they don’t play any games, they let people down honestly and in a forthright and kind manner. Everyone should try dating so honestly
I had the same reservations about Love on the Spectrum. After your post I may give it a try. Would it be appropriate to watch with an autistic 10yo (with zero interest in relationships or grown up stuff lol)?
I would say so, yes! Anton is 12 and loved watching it with me.
Just a tiny warning that there is some talk of sex in a few episodes of the recent season but it’s pretty tame!
As a sort of follow-up to this, are there any good shows (new or old) that I can watch with all of my kids (9, 11, 14)? It’s getting harder to bridge that gap, as things that might be fine for the 14 year-old are too racy or just plain uninteresting to the 9 year old (who doesn’t care about romantic drama), and the 14 year-old is getting less interested in the action/adventure/superhero stuff that we used to turn to. Also, it would be great if I myself enjoyed it too! For reference, the last show that ticked all the boxes was Young Sheldon…
@ Laura, my go to rec for that age: The Last Mimzy. Oldie but goodie. https://tinyurl.com/59m85v6m New: I was wary at the title, but now a huge fan: K-Pop Demonhunters – amazingly good (not scary, I think even for little kids), features girls but boys would like the story too: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/videos/kpop-demon-hunters-trailer
Thanks for the muffin recipe! I’m going to swap out several of the muffin recipe ingredients (gluten-free, what’s on hand), but I’m excited for it.
Love on the Spectrum makes me cry, laugh, and love humanity. It’s so needed.
I felt the same about Love on the Spectrum! My son has autism and I find dating shows in general to be so contrived and exploitative…so I avoided it for a long time. But now I LOVE the show. The individuals they feature are showed in all of their complexity in a really beautiful way – challenges that are unique to them, challenges that anyone on the dating scene might face, all of their strengths and areas for growth. And the love and support that all of the family members show brings me to tears at least once an episode. Everyone deserves that love! Finally, one of my favorite parts is hearing the featured people on the spectrum talk about challenges they faced when they were younger (often behavioral) and how much they’ve grown. There are so many paths my son’s life might take, and I love seeing so many examples of the different lives people on have made for themselves.
I love Love on the Spectrum. My favorite shows are mystery and thrillers on HBO and documentaries, and oddly- Reality Romance. I have a great cropped fluffy as heck cheetah print sweater that I can only wear in winter and it kind of is a fall/winter neutral for me.
Just bought matching Rothy’s leopard print flats with my 7 year old. Never thought I would be excited about matching a child but it’s delightful!
My 9 year old daughter and I both got leopard print pants last weekend! And same!
Some of my earliest, fondest fashion memories are twinning with my Mom. Sounds like you and kiddo found a very chic way to go about it.
My seven-year-old daughter LOVES leopard print. (While it makes me think of a woman of a certain age–like, as an older mom, ME–it’s just because she loves cats.) She wore all leopard print a few weeks ago on the walk to school: leggings, dress, headband, backpack, and lunchbox. A ninth-grade (?) or so boy walking the other direction smiled at her and said “hi.” I waited to see what my shy daughter would do. After he passed by, she stopped, looked at me, blushed, laughed, and said, “I think I look like someone else in this outfit!”
Moms, leopard print is the single best pattern if you, like me, have a messy kid. My incredibly smart, capable, kind daughter is a walking dirtball no matter how hard she tries! Despite myself, I am fastidious and can’t stand stained clothes, enter leopard print. It. Hides. Everything. And she looks darling.
Huge Love on the Spectrum fan!!! As a parent to a neurodivergent kiddo, their honesty and beautifully wired brains are so wholesome and pure.
I’ve always heard quietly slipping out of a party is an Irish goodbye! At my brother’s girlfriend’s birthday party, I slipped out without saying goodbye to anyone (except the birthday girl). Her mother was so offended she publicly scolded me for not letting anyone know I was leaving! City people: mind your manners around country folk and be careful where you French exit/Irish goodbye.
LOL I’ve heard Irish exit.
This is so funny : in french we say « filer à l’anglaise » for « make a french exit ». I didn’t know the translation in english until now, I love it haha
I’d always heard it called “Irish goodbye,” not French exit! Wonder whether this is like turkey/dinde :)
I’ve def never heard of French exit! We always call it an Irish goodbye. I’m from Michigan and we do the opposite – a Midwest goodbye that can last an hour it’s excruciating. I avoid it at all costs.
In (Brazilian) Portuguese it’s “sair à francesa” (To leave like the French) 😂
Doesn’t “anglaise” mean English?
Yeah as a French person I don’t think there is anything quick about a French exit. You have to do la bise (cheek air kissing) to everyone at the party. And chat about the next time you’ll see them. And how great the food was. And maybe politics. Love France and this plate is very cute but I’m not sure it’s conveying what you want :)
@Shel, we have always called that the Lutheran Goodbye aka, we need to start leaving at least 30 mins before we really need to for all the complimenting, oh my goshing, yes let’s get togethering, send me that hot dish recipe’ing we are going to need to do. Same vibes! By contrast, I truly love a German Goodbye, which is always executed flawlessly by some German friends of ours and goes something like this: “Thank you for having us. We had an okay time, but now we would prefer to be at our own house. Goodbye.” AND THEN THEY JUST WALK OUT THE DOOR. Truly, I aspire.
hahahah this thread is making me laugh so much
Harvest muffins are delicious!
I need the French exit plate!!
Made those muffins last week! Only crumbs remain in the container they were stored in!
Love on the Spectrum hugely helped me get over my shameful nervousness and discomfort around autistic and other neurodivergent people. I am forever grateful.
I have a child on the spectrum and can’t bring myself to watch that show, but I really appreciate your comment. I’ve now been around many autistic individuals on both ends of the spectrum and what would have also made me uncomfortable many years ago is now just humans being wonderfully human in their own unique ways.
This was how I felt about the Indian man’s girlfriend. Just looked her up and her name is Rachel Osterbach. She was so emotionally intelligent and present. She really opened my eyes. I know she is unique and not everyone with her condition is as capable but I really enjoyed watching her responses to her date and hope she finds a great love.
It also helped me understand how to better interact with someone with autism. At my gym, there’s an autistic man who likes to chat with others working out. Sooo many people ignore him (bummer) but we now have a nice rapport and chat for a bit whenever we see each other. I think this show makes the stakes seem… lower? easier? I think a lot of people who aren’t neurodiverse think they have to interact in this exact perfect way. Not sure if I’m explaining it well, but watching the ease of interactions on the show makes it easier in my experience
big fan of love on the spectrum – would gladly listen to conner’s British accent all day long :-)