Moms in the Picture
Years ago, I wrote about how much I love seeing moms in photos with their kids, and I still do. Especially now that I’m the only adult in the house, I’m so grateful when friends snap a candid shot of my boys and me. So! In honor of moms in the frame, we asked 11 friends to share their favorite photos of themselves in action…
“This was taken in 2018 at my mom’s house in Vermont. My own mom and I had just gone thrifting, and she had convinced me to buy this great homemade dress. We were in her yard having gin and tonics, and the kids were on summer break, fully feral, as you can see from my four-year-old, who was really feeling himself in his straw hat.” — Kathryn Jezer-Morton
“My son had just started kindergarten and was having such a difficult time. I felt so overwhelmed and didn’t know how to help him or what to do. On his birthday in late September, the two of us rode the Q train all the way out to Coney Island. The park was empty, we played games and won a stuffy, ate cotton candy, and rode the ferris wheel (this is a photo from the top). It was a special day.” — Erin Jang
“My second birth experience was so fast. The doctor told me that if I felt like I needed to poop, to let them know right away. And I was like, I need to poop now. I remember they were like, no, it’s too soon. But sure enough, they checked and I was ready to go. I only pushed twice, and she came out! My first birthing experience was longer and more traumatic, so I was so relieved to be done. We don’t have family in NYC, so it was just Zach and me in the birthing room. I’m so grateful for the nurse who asked if she could have my phone while I was pushing, so she could take photos of us during the birth. Otherwise, I never would’ve got this photo, which I’ll cherish forever.” — Alison Piepmeyer
“This was our first big family hiking trip! It was my daughter Louise’s idea for us to have matching braids. Now we do them every time we do anything adventurous together.” — Liz Libré
“This summer, we went on a screen-free road trip as a family up the East Coast, and it was wild and difficult and beautiful. We were forced into this sitcom-esque closeness that was both impossibly hard and also funny and sweet. I’ll never, ever forget it. (Here, we were at Franconia Falls.)” — Kate Baer
“After having my second child, Emiliano, I could NOT get over how different he was from my older daughter, Ella. He never slept through the night, he loved the stroller, and he spat up all the time. I felt like everything I’d learned about parenting was useless because none of my old tricks worked with him. But one difference that always brought me to my knees? He was thumb sucker.” — Jannelle Sanchez
“This photo was taken shortly after my final round of chemo, and my hair was finally starting to grow back. I remember thinking how long and luscious my locks felt (lol), and all I wanted were photos of my kids with me in the frame — proof of my existence, and my survival, if I’m being honest! It was the purest form of happiness that I’d ever experienced.” — Nicki Sebastian
“I love this photo on vacation with my two girls. I’m working long hours right now and really treasure time with both of them.” — Selena Ma
“This photo is from last year at the U.S. Open. My kids don’t play tennis yet but I’m obsessed with tennis and encourage the fandom. I always root for Carlos Alcaraz on the men’s side and Jasmine Paolini on the women’s side, and they love to make fun of my intensity.” — Youngna Park
“I hope heaven is lying in my cousin’s garden with my baby napping on my chest.” — Bess Kalb
My friend Claire also lives solo with her daughter, so I try to snap photos of them whenever they’re doing something sweet, which is most of the time. How lovely are they, draped on each other? Brings tears to my eyes.
Thoughts? Do you ever take selfies? Or jump into the photo? If not, this is your friendly invitation to do that, if you’d like. xoxo
P.S. A parenting realization that really moved me, thoughts on a mother’s body, and my cousin Meredith being an absolute MOM on a ride at Disney World.
Comments
93 commentsWhat a great message. I wish I had more photos of me with my kiddos. It wasn’t because I was shy, it was just that my husband didn’t really take the photos. I did and I never wanted to say now take one with me. But I should have trained him early!!
Oh these made me cry. Especially the one about heaven. Beautiful.
Draped on eachother. What a lovely choice of words, Jo.
I teared up looking at these beautiful mamas and their babies. All the love, all the sorrows and all the hopes
I almost feel silly admitting this but one of my deepest resentments over my ex and I was how he never took photos of me and our two kids unless I specifically asked him to. At our first child’s birth, I brought my nice camera and asked him to take the photos of us with me directing every shot. As years went on, I told him I didn’t want to be the one always thinking to take photos. Hence, at our second child’s birth, we did not get any except for a few that my doula took right after birth (purplish wrinkly baby and me in shock). I would have really loved to have a warmer, happier photo to look back on during those moments. It seems petty but having someone think of you and documenting you is a kind, loving act.
Oh Mel, I don’t think this is petty at all.
Yes. This really resonates with me too.
I don’t think it is petty. It’s the thoughtfulness, and the care that it shown. My husband almost never takes photos of me and our 3 kids and it really hurts me. Especially because I’ve spoken up about it throughout the years and still no effort. My kids will have a handful of non-selfie photos to look back on even though I am a very hands on mother and love them more than anything. I hope the way I’ve made them feel offsets the lack of evidence.
My mom was one of those moms who never wanted her photo taken due to insecurity. Thus, I have nearly no family photos from my upbringing. Maybe one or two that I can think of. Now my parents are no longer married, and I mourn the thought that those very few snapshots are all I’ll ever have of us all together. Now that I have a daughter of my own, I’ve made a promise to myself that I will have family photos done every year. It’s something I really look forward to! I have an album going from my husband and I’s wedding, to our first anniversary, to her newborn stage, and so on, that I hope she will appreciate having and be able to enjoy reminiscing over when she’s older.
I think about your original post about moms in photos from years ago all the time. When married, I was never in the photos with my kids and now as a single mom, it is very rare for me to ever be in the photo unless its a selfie. It is such a sadness to feel invisible in my daughters’ childhood. I have made it my mission to take pictures of all of the moms I know with their kids because I never want them to feel the sadness I do about this!
Love all of this! And Nicki Sebastian, you’re gorgeous. Honestly, my very first thought when I saw your photo was, ‘Wow, what a beautiful hairstyle!’ :)
Just came to post the same thing!! Beautiful pixie, beautiful color, beautiful smile! :)
Same! I used to have short hair and thought, maybe I should go back!
Last year—at age 42– I got an Aura digital frame for my birthday. Yes, the same digital frame given to grannies and nanas coast to coast. I feel a bit corny having one, but it has rewritten the past decade and a half as a parent in the most magical way. I can be hard on myself and can spiral with doubt about how I’m parenting. But then I see photo after photo of my kids (and sometime me and my kids) on the digital frame and all I can think is: look at that happiness, that effort, that magic!! It’s a powerful source of proof I didn’t know I needed.
My husband got one of me and my daughter arm-in-arm in Central Park after some emotional college tours. Our foreheads are touching and our eyes are closed, we’re just plugging in and I love it so much.
Lovely…..but also, so many of these are selfies! I, too, basically only have selfies with my kids. The point is that SOMEONE ELSE should be capturing you mothering. Whenever I see a mom taking a selfie with their kid, I jump in and offer to take their picture. And then I snap several as they are getting themselves organized and, of course, one when they are posed. It’s always the candid shots that are the best.
I love that you do this, Madeleine! I, too, am a group-photo-taker-offerer but I’m going to especially keep my eyes peeled for Mums taking selfies now as well.
Long time reader, rare commenter. I remember this original post. I became a mother right at the start of the pandemic here in New York and my husband and my marriage fell apart. I’m now going through a divorce. I have spent the last 5 years of my life with my son. I have no regrets about this. The vast majority of the photos in my phone are, of course, of my son. The contrast though, the dichotomy, between the reality of my life, where I have spent the vast majority of the last 5 years with my son, and yet, the number of photos that I have of us together is so, so small. It is staggering.Long time reader, rare commenter. I remember this post originally. I became a mother in right at the start of the pandemic here in New York and my husband and my marriage fell apart. I’m now going through a divorce. I have spent the last 5 years of my life with my son. I have no regrets about this. The vast majority of the photos in my phone are, of course, of my son. The contrast though, the dichotomy, between the reality of my life, where I have spent the vast majority of the last 5 years with my son, and yet, the number of photos that I have of us together is so, so small is staggering.
I know how difficult it can be to get little boys to sit still for even a quick selfie. For some reason, my kids get behind videos way more so sometimes w’ell make funny videos while dancing or making silly faces. Sometimes I’ll just set the camera up while we’re playing and let it capture whatever. The videos are special to look back on and you can screen grab pics from them.
Long time reader, rare commenter. I remember this post originally. I became a mother in right at the start of the pandemic here in New York and my husband and my marriage fell apart. I’m now going through a divorce. I have spent the last 5 years of my life with my son. I have no regrets about this. The vast majority of the photos in my phone are, of course, of my son. The contrast though, the dichotomy, between the reality of my life, where I have spent the vast majority of the last 5 years with my son, and yet, the number of photos that I have of us together is so, so small is staggering.
I love this article, but when reading it, I got an advertisement (for Universal Studios?) that took up my entire screen and required me to reload the page!
will check in on this! so sorry! xo
I have a selfie from when my baby was tiny and I’m convinced it’s his first real smile. He’s snuggly on my chest and has this “just happy to be here!” smile that’s precisely his personality. Second place might go to the one of us about an hour after we got home from the hospital, when our dog sitter dropped our dog back at home. My very sweet and very maternal dog (who has had several litters herself) is sitting at my feet and just BEAMING up at the baby, like, “I knew it, I knew they were getting me a puppy, I just knew it!”
What hilarious timing: Monday was my daughter’s first day of kindergarten and as we walked up to her school, I was remembering “moms in the picture!” from a past post and asked her to take a picture with me. Of course she wasn’t feeling it so now I have a lovely picture of me posing in front of the front steps of our elementary school. By myself. This mom is in the picture, but the kids are hiding!
When I’m out and about and I see a mom and her kid(s) or a family, especially when mom is taking a picture, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS ask to take a pic with her in it. Sometimes mom will shyly say she doesn’t need to be in it, and I gently coax her to be in at least one. If she says she was in one already I will relent. But I see it as my life’s mission to make damn sure mom is in at least one picture of the set that’s being taken.
🙌 yay I love this!! Love a life’s mission 😃
One time someone offered to do this for me at Costco! I also declined but they insisted and I was like well, I guess we have spent a significant portion of our lives in here. I was very grateful!
Sarah, thank you for saying you’re grateful. I’ve often volunteered to take the photo, and the mom demurs. I can’t tell if she hates being photographed, feels shy, or is offended that this stranger broke into her photo moment.
@Elisabeth Egan Speaking for myself. I think it’s perfectly ok to offer. But it’s also ok for me to say no thankyou. And if I say no thankyou, please accept my no thank you. I don’t wish to be ‘coaxed’ or to have anyone project their reasons for my polite refusal on to me. It’s not up to you to decide whether I am “shy” and I don’t owe you an explanation. I appreciate your offer, I have either politely accepted it or politely declined it. That. Is. Enough.
Oops. I don’t know who Elizabeth Egan is or why the @ appeared. Apologies for any confustion!
@Emma O, I guess I should have re-phrased it in my haste to comment. When I say “coax” I’m not standing there trying to twist anyone to take a photo. Rather, I will ask once more if she’d really wouldn’t like to be in one with her family/kids. More often than not, the person will say change their mind. But if they say they’re good, I let it go. Sorry if that came off as pushy and bossy. And yes, I do agree that moms have a right to say no, but many say no because they feel they’re not beautiful or made up enough (I know I do), and that’s simply not true.
Our primary care doctor took a photo of my and my newborn son as his reference photo for our database. It pops up whenever we visit and brings tears to my eyes. Our lovely doctor had an older, male, temporary, assistant who commented “You’ve lost weight since then, want a new photo?” I was angry at that assistant for two reasons: 1. I was 102lbs in the photo and I am trying to gain that weight back thanks very much. 2. How dare he not see how precious that moment with my son was, no matter who weighed what.
I love how many of the photos of are of children just LYING ON TOP of their moms. Like, it is really physical being a mother, and these pictures show that so well.
I thought the same. My kid (2) sometimes demands that he “nap nap on top mama” and I wonder how long he will want to do that.
I too hope heaven is having a baby nap on my chest or sleeping next to me. I was scolded a lot by older adults in my life because I always let my son nap on me or next to me. But, I knew it was what was right for us. He wasn’t going to want to do it for ever, so I wanted that closeness for as long as I could get it.
I want to know more about the screen-free road trip!!
SAME! Can we have a poetry/road trip essay?
She wrote an incredible substack about it :) https://katebaer.substack.com/
My family just visited our best friends at their new home and spent the entire day in the pool and garden picking veggies and giggling. It was a sublime summer day. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t take a photo until the kids were asleep in their car seats on the long drive home. Imagine my delight when the next morning I received a link to a shared photo album of dozens of photos and videos of my whole family (including me!) splashing in the pool, harvesting veggies and playing in the dirt. I mean, what a GIFT?!?! Our friends took so many photos. I noticed they were but didn’t hope to see more than like 2 of them. Really, such a stunning and meaningful gift!! My husband and o can’t stop looking through them.
These gorgeous families! Kathryn, you and your son are especially dear to my thrifting, vintage-loving heart. While I’ve never desired children of my own – Neighborhood Auntie For Life – I’m regularly moved by the sight of Mums and their children, just going about their day. I often wish I had to boldness to ask them if they’d like their photo taken. It reminds me of one scenario in the park – I was walking with a friend who works with refugees coming to Canada. These folks we passed by seemed as though they might be newcomers, and he told me that some might view the offer as patronizing, or “othering” – like this white lady is commending her for taking her children to the park, as though it isn’t just second nature to make memories with her son and daughter. Of course that wasn’t my intention and all, and I was filled with a newfound self-consciousness. But, but, CoJ taught me “Moms in the picture!” Perhaps it’s safter just to smile at them and hope they have a trusted photographer of their own.
i’m from mexico, so my cultural frame of reference might be really different, but i can’t imagine anyone feeling like this was condescending. however, i might be embarrassed to be photographed as i imagine many people (especially moms) are
I lost my mom in 2022, and it kills me how few pictures we have together. She didn’t love the way she looked in most of them, but I’d do anything for more – like, I had a hard time finding an appropriate photo for her obituary. As my husband and I start thinking about having a family, one thing I keep mentioning to him is to please, PLEASE take candid photos of us!! I don’t care if they go into a locked iphone album – I want them there for me, and for that child to have when they think of their mom <3
Grace, I relate so much. My mother also hates having her photo taken and actively dodge’s out of the frame or hides behind someone else. We have a treasured handful of genuine photos of her. My mother is such a generous, caring parent, but I don’t think it ever occurred to her that it was actually rather …selfish… of her to not let us take photos of her. Not that I can’t relate. I struggle with how I look in photos, too. You’re spot-on about a locked photo bank. A prime example is a photo my husband snapped one morning when the kids were little. At the time, I was so annoyed with him because all I could see was myself blurry-eyed, unbrushed, and wearing a disgusting robe. Thankfully he was undeterred, because now I love that photo, with the three little kids piled on my lap like a pile of puppies, and we all look so happy and cozy together. So now when I think a photo of me is bad, I just store it away until I’m older and wiser.
I’m a family photographer, and my signature sessions are Day in the Life Sessions where I get to photograph moms (and dads) living their ordinary days, which to me is so beautiful. Portraits are great, so are selfies, but I get a front row seat to moms loving their families in all the raw every day life, in the hard and in the joys. So I now try to hire a photographer to do these sessions for my family too. My older kids are grown, and youngest is 12, so these days are beyond precious to me. I only wish I had photos like these from my early years as a mom.
For any soon-to-be moms, please take pictures with your baby during that first year—no matter how you feel about how you look in the moment. Our little one spent a lot of time in the NICU, and then that first year at home was such a blur. I also didn’t feel great about how I looked, so I only have one photo of me with my tiny baby—and I’ll always regret not having more. Those pictures are priceless, and you’ll never wish you had fewer.
I have a close friend who took a series of rapid fire of shots one morning when I was at coffee with him and my two kids. I thought it was cute but weird at the time, but now I look back and see such a moment in time. I’ve got the baby’s tiny head peeking over the top of the carrier, my son is doing that toddler thing of kneeling on a bench seat because he’s too short to sit and reach the table. And I’m in the middle of it all.
I learned from this blog to “put mum’s in the picture”. Recently I was out and about and saw a mum taking the family picture so I offered to take one with her in it too. I can’t remember exactly what she said to me but it was something like “proof I was here!” and she seemed so happy to be IN the picture. CoJ teaching me how I can do small things to make others’ lives better, and impacting people all over the world!
As a mom of a thumb sucker, it melts my heart to see babies relaxing themselves! All these photographs are full of love and joy, just lovely!
Something I did a few years ago when I got divorced was get a photo shoot for myself and my daughter. It was so nice to have really great pictures of just the two of us.
THANK YOU for bringing awareness to this! Ever since I read the original post I’ve been more assertive than I would be instinctively about people taking pictures of me with my kids and it means the world!
I hope heaven is my baby napping on my chest too! There’s nothing sweeter
I “never” cry (not often enough!), but NICKI!! You and your girls are so radiantly gorgeous and it brought tears to my eyes. I wish you all the happiness in the world!
This is just beautiful, love it so much. To all the mothers xOx
Thanks for calling out the special place these pics hold in the hearts of us single moms <3 I have a 4.5 year old daughter. My best friend from college always takes dozens of candids of us when she comes to visit, then texts them to me when she leaves. It's the most amazing gift.
All So Beautiful!!! (And you too commenters! I bet you each have such delightful photos that would fill that coffee table book that Kristin suggested!)
The photos of your friend Claire with her daughter make me tear up. My twins have a morning routine where they come sit in my lap while I have coffee in the morning, and lately, their legs are almost as long as mine (they’re almost 7). I keep forgetting they have FULLY moved out of cute little toddler phase. I was holding my son and I asked him, “Where did my baby boy go?” He said, “I’ll tell you. He went to the phase where now he is a big kid. And that’s what life I’m in right now.” I told him no matter what, he has to sit on my lap even when he’s as tall as I am (which won’t be too far off).
I am in the phase where my kid (now 14!) is about to be taller than me any day now. SOB!! But also YAY!
These are so lovely! I’m a mom of three young kids – but this actually makes me think I also want more pictures of me and *my* mom. iPhones weren’t a thing for most of the time we lived together and I know I’ll want more of us together in the future!
Yes, I agree. My dad died young – before iPhones were a thing! – and I wish I had photos of the two of us together. I KNOW they exist – I just don’t HAVE them. My mom probably does, but she doesn’t find them and send them to me because it upsets her too much.
So beautiful!
Love these and beautiful one of you and the baby carrier Joanna! I thought How Beautiful You Are!
I would most definitely buy a coffee table book full of pictures of mothers with their children. These are all so moving and beautiful!!
Cannot agree more!
Beautiful beautiful post ❤️ !!!!
I am on vacation in the US wirh my family right now and whenever I take a picture of my husband and two kids, some nice American girl or lady comes by and asks if I want in on the picture. And everytime I have to bite my tongue not to ask: „CupofJo reader?“ I feel closer to the commenters now that I am on your continent :)
Ask the next time😊
Everyone looks so gorgeous and full of love! Nicki, sending so much love to you and your family!
The photo of Nicki and her girls brought tears to my eyes. What a gift.
Beautiful! I love photos with my kids and some favourites are one with my daughter and I at the beach our hair whipping our faces and we both look so happy, another with my eldest and I looking out into the night with bows in our hair ready to see Gracie Abrams in concert (she had it framed and gave it to me for Mother’s Day and I love our heads are tilting toward each other) and another of the three of us, at a river and I had a towel around me, bending over to do up a sander and the other daughter leaking on me being goofy. I’m smiling so big. I used to be self conscious of it as I’m in bathers but now I absolutely love it as it captures a sweet moment in time and of mothering.
This is what I would show someone if they were trying to decide if parenting was worth it. The joy emanates out of each photo.
OMG this birthing photo! Brought tears to my eyes as I remembered how quickly my second child arrived. (And it was at shift change so between the docs, nurses and med students, I think there were 12 people welcoming our little girl with us! Such a funny and memorable view of those happy and helpful faces)
The picture of Alison brings tears to my eyes! What a great moment.
So, my husband turned his phone over to the L&D nurse for a few family photos after the birth of our twins and we got what he and I agree are the worst photos ever and they are saved in a password protected file on his phone and I begged him to never view them again. The nurse zoomed out way too far, you cannot see the babies, just my vulnerable position with doctors engaged in Goddess knows what, and the photos were genuinely horrific and gave a real crime scene vibe. I prefer the (hazy) memories! The photos can go…
Oh gosh, Lia! We’ve all had those “it’s the thought that counts photos”, right? Some folks’ talents really lie elsewhere from photography. I’m thinking of one my ex took of me while I slept – it haunts me, decades later. Truly, I was the Crypt Keeper. It seems decidedly worse luck to have your twins’ first moments be less than flattering on film – may you all have hundreds of better photos together throughout your lives. Mazel tov!
Oh my goodness — this comment made me Laugh! SO HARD! I think anyone who has been through a birthing experience can understand that the photo’s can really go either way in that situation, haha! I think that is what makes the photo above so priceless and amazing!
These photos are excellent! I have a difficult relationship with photos of myself. I have complained so bitterly over so many years about how terrible I look in photos, that my husband has just about stopped taking photos of me. I can’t blame him! I daresay there’s a bit of body dysmorphia at play. So, most of the recent photos of myself are selfies. I know I’ll regret my attitude in the not-so-distant future, and it’s something I’m working on.
Oh I’m so sorry you feel this way, Josephine! Just think that he looks at your face every day and that face makes his day.
Me too- I’ve put on weight now that I’ve stopped nursing and don’t stroller walk for miles on end! I need to work on this too. I know you are beautiful especially in the eyes of your family. Words I probably need to say to myself!
I struggle with this myself as well. I’ve noticed that time has way of softening how I see myself in photos and i become grateful for ones i once despised. Sam Ellis (derm) encourages people to see pics of ourselves like pics of sunrise/sunsets – the pic doesn’t do it justice, IRL, it’s spectacular!
I always have an instant dislike of myself in photos in the moment, but when I look back at them years later I feel so much tenderness for my past self! Get in those photos, mom! (Even if you don’t look at them for a decade!) <3
Whenever I feel this way about myself in photos, I think of Ani Difranco’s song “Evolve,” which has this verse: so i walk like i’m on a mission cuz that’s the way i groove i got more and more to do i got less and less to prove it took me too long to realize that i don’t take good pictures cuz i have the kind of beauty that moves Even if I think the photo sucks, I’m gorgeous in motion.
@Mel that is an amazing way to re-frame this feeling :)
Josephine, I could have written this myself.
I am like that too and feel a few years later, oh I looked so great. So, take that picture. While we work on our body dysmorphia, if not now, you will have pictures that you would admire a few years down the road
If it helps; Photos are not for you. They are for: Your twenty-years from now future self. And your loved ones. Take them. Don’t look at them for 20 years. By then you will think “hot damn I was a babe!!”
Let’s all paste Tracey G.’s comment on our mirrors!
When I first stumbled across this conversation, the question that was posed was “have you ever looked at a photo of your mom and found her anything less than beautiful?” We get caught up in the excoriating self-consciousness of seeing ourselves on camera, but our children will see those same photos with the tender eyes of love and sentimentality, so let’s not deprive them of the joys of seeing their mother as a young woman.
Quick! Take those pics before they don’t want their picture taken anymore (by us grown-ups, anyway). My twenty-one year old will grant me only a few pics or selfies A YEAR. Love this post. Will go back through my archives and find some from when she was little <3
Oh, this made me teary! These beautiful women.
Yeah, I cried through all of these pictures and captions. So beautiful.
These are glorious.
Well, this made me tear up! I have a very similar photo to Alison from when my second child was born. I can feel that relief and joy and wanting to cry just from that picture – what an amazing thing
Love all the pics ❤️ I especially love Janelle’s thumb sucking son:) I secretly hoped my kids sucked their thumbs but none of them did. Probably for the best, as I sucked my thumb forever !!!