Have a Lovely Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? We’ve been showing our 13-year-old English cousin around New York, and he’s loving it. Times Square at night was a big, giddy hit. Can’t wait to share a few photos next week. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Brown butter zucchini bread, yum.
Brooklinen is having a huge sale. I have this in my cart.
Would you go to a summer camp where you can read all day? “These women met in an online book club. They traveled to a remote corner of Maine to read together. It was oddly moving.” (NYTimes gift link)
The movie trailer for A Little Prayer looks so touching.
What Anne Lammot told her Sunday school students about death. (NYTimes gift link)
LOVE these easy pants and will be wearing them all fall.
Also, it’s way out of budget, but how cool is this newspaper skirt?
Not everything about being 80 thrills Helen Mirren: “The hardest part is the condescension. It really annoys me. If my husband and I are holding hands, someone might say, ‘Oh, look. How sweet.’ It’s like, excuse my language, ‘F*** off.’” (The Times, via Pandora Sykes)
What a pretty 700-square foot Brooklyn apartment.
We’re making Reese Witherspoon’s mud pie trifle tonight.
A group of 15-20 families in South Portland, Maine, have installed landlines for their kids instead of giving them cellphones. The landlines “helped their children become better listeners and more empathetic communicators.”
Your European Airbnb, hahaha.
And, finally, on Big Salad today: If I get married again, here’s my vision. The first part is non-negotiable.
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Gem on my therapist’s secret to midlife: “My husband recited part of a Longfellow poem at his sister’s wedding that included the line, ‘Life is checkered shade and sunshine.’ I think about this phrase all the time.”
Says Sasha on Sharon Beesley’s week of outfits: “This link is for everyone requesting a home tour! Lol. Enjoy. Sharon, you are hilarious.”
Says J.K. on we have two beloved visitors in Brooklyn this week: “Joanna, I just want to say what a surrogate mother/aunt you are to me! I have adopted so many of your parenting ideas/techniques since I started reading your blog in high school and am now a 32-year-old mom to a nearly one-year-old baby (eek, crying again!). We just visited family, and she had a blast babbling with her cousins; seeing your kids several years ahead gives me an idea of how to help them develop their own friendships down the line and how I can be a good aunt to my nephews. Not to sound creepy, but a HUGE thank you for sharing your life on the Internet and helping me know what to expect as I enter life stages a few behind yours.” [Ed. note: Sob! Thank you, J.K.]
(Photo by Celia Catalino/Stocksy.)
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Comments
100 commentsThe Rachel Comey is great, but how many people still know what newsprint is?
I might be the only one, but I don’t love the newspaper skirt–the way the text is blurry makes me feel dizzy or like I took my glasses off, it’s disorienting!
I would need to know which stories are printed on the newsprint skirt before I consider buying it, because I can see myself trying to read them all while wearing the skirt. Are there any comics or editorials or advice columns included? Crossword? Love the landline, Helen MIrren (can’t wait to see TTMC, our entire family has read all the books and loved them), the trailer for A Little Prayer, and Ann Lamott. My favorite for spiritual inspiration in every day life is Barbara Brown Taylor though.
I love Barbara Brown Taylor! So poetic, so wise.
We used to have a landline! More accurately, it was a “voice over IP/ Google phone,” which was great because it could also route to multiple cell phones. However, you can’t call 911 with them, which is a fatal flaw. I don’t like the idea of my kids having to locate my phone in order to call for help. We do have a Ring security system which has various buttons to push for fire, medical, and police emergencies. Our area doesn’t offer actual landlines anymore, I don’t think–many phone companies are phasing them out–but I think about it every couple of months.
I’m a 33 year old who also started reading your blog in high school and echo JK’s words. You and your blog have held my hand through loads of life transitions (including two babies). Just add water! It always works!
I think it’s really beautiful of you to support Anton in attending church.
Agree!
After seeing several comments to this effect here, I read through this friday links post several times and can’t find where Jo talked about supporting Anton w/church. What did I miss?
I cackled my way through the McSweeney’s article on European AirBNBs. We recently stayed in one in Naples with our kids and holy crap. This place had skeleton keys for everything–a massive one for the front door, bedroom doors, bathroom doors, closets, desk drawers, everywhere you could possibly put a key. My neurodivergent 6 year old took ALL of them out and I could not figure out where they went. My kids also brought cherries into their bed unbeknownst to me and the 3 hour wash cycle did not get the stains out. It’s been 2 months and I’m still too scared to read our rating.
For cherry and berry stains: rub the stain with a bar of Ivory soap and cold water. Leave the soapy residue on the fabric and soak in cold water until the stain is gone, 10-15 minutes. Then wash and dry as usual. Warning: it will initially turn the stain a dark blue/purple/black and you will want to freak out, but stay the course!
Guys, I have a suggestion could the editors (and perhaps us commenters)consider not referring to certain garments / shopping items as a splurge or splurge or pricey or out of budget? None of us know what each other‘s budgets are and one woman’s splurge item could be another woman’s great deal. Or indeed more likely – one woman’s great deal is another’s impossible dream. And we are all stakeholders of this site together I think if we have to comment on the price of a piece. It’s fine to say “an expensive dress or here is a more expensive item. “ that puts the focus on the item itself and not on anyone’s real or imagined budget I wonder if anyone else feels the same way- it just always gives me pause when women – online or in life – call something splurgy. If it’s affordable for you- you can afford it, why the guilt? And if it’s not – don’t buy it, find it on resale, whatever. And I say this having a pretty “small budget” myself.
I completely agree with you, Jen. Just yesterday I met someone who said 14000$ isn’t a lot of money to buy a piece of jewellery :)
I just scroll on by. Semantics :)
‘Expensive’ is completely relative too, though. I don’t think there’s a way of phrasing this that will please everyone but I’m pretty sure people can figure this one out for themselves.
This is Joanna’s blog, so I imagine that when she uses “splurge,” she’s implying that the item is on the high end for her. Perhaps something she really wants and might purchase if she can justify cost per wear, if it’s for a special occasion, etc. I read this blog for Joanna’s voice. Her word choice is part of that and it feels pretty low-stakes in this case.
I don’t see it as a problem. Most of us make frequent decisions on prices, and can sort it all out for ourselves.
I love that newspaper skirt! Also- as someone who’s been trying to embrace the wider legged pants, I feel like I don’t know what kind of shoes to wear with them? Now that sandal season is almost over where I live, are white sneakers appropriate? I have imposter syndrome every time I try different clothes.
White sneakers are ALWAYS appropriate :)
I love wide leg pants and wear them a lot. I wear Blundstones, tennis shoes, or clogs in the fall and winter. I don’t wear many flats – but I think they would work. Find an expensive pair that fits well and give the wide leg a go.
I’m 31 and got married last year. I’d say that fee things shock me, but I was actually horrified at the thought of not it being standard practice until not very long ago that one could not speak to their partner about marriage until the proposal! This is not a judgement on people who went about getting this way, but rather a reaction to just how much social norms do seem to have shifted!! As your friends in the Big Salad post say, choosing to marry and who to marry us such a big life decision!! Communication is key to a functioning relationship! It makes me especially queasy to think that in cases where the prospective groom asked his partner’s father for their hand in marriage, this would be done before ever discussing marriage with their partner! Ahhh, creepy! Infantilising! My now husband and I had a traditional-ish Turkish engagement ceremony which involves both extended families meeting. Some friends raised their eyebrows at us taking a more traditional route but at least it ensured we had talked A LOT about the engagement before it happened. Getting all our family members at the same place, at the same time would have been impossible to organise had we not spoken about getting married in advance!
Love love love the idea of a landline. I thought it would be expensive, but I may look into the WiFi-based options when we get to that age for my eldest. The newspaper skirt is cool, but the text makes me feel like I’m seeing double!
Joanna, you need to check out Tin Can! https://tincan.kids/ It functions like a landline but works on WiFi or Ethernet, and you can set approved numbers and quiet hours. They’re so cute and retro. I think it would be a great gift for all the cousins and grandparents!! They won’t launch in Europe for another 6 months but when they do I’m buying them for our house, all the grandparents, the aunties, and my nana, their best friends here in town. Calling it: Christmas 2026 that’s the one gift I’m getting everyone.
Hi Kelly, I am also waiting until tincan comes to Germany :) I am overwhelmed with all the messaging, internetting and antisocial media, so I thought: what aspects did I like (but not glorify) in the 90s: having a landline was one of them. I guess I will gift it to myself for Xmas :)
Thank you for sharing this link. I just ordered the WiFi version.
A fun thing I just read: this McSweeney article on perimenopause! https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/thank-you-for-calling-the-perimenopause-hotline-where-our-hold-times-are-completely-unpredictable
Thanks for this laugh!! “There are many milestones that may mark the beginning of the perimenopausal journey…if a woman has been paid less than a man for doing the same job for at least twenty years OR cleaned up the equivalent of a fifty-gallon barrel of her family’s bodily fluids including any combination of snot, spit, vomit, blood, pus, urine, and poop (including both the diarrhea and non-diarrhea type).”
This gave me a good laugh! Especially the memory loss bit…
Also- Highly recommend waiting to watch The Thursday Murder Club until after you read the book- it’s so great!
Yes, the book first!
I really appreciated all the action oriented links and resources you posted after another incomprehensible school tragedy- see link below. Also thanks for sharing Anne Lamotts balm and call to be a helper- she’s a lighthouse. https://cupofjo.com/2023/03/28/nashville-school-shooting-help/
“A Little Prayer” feels suspiciously like a right wing propaganda effort to bolster the ‘common man’, but I will still enjoy the story – it looks very well made and I wish I weren’t so wary. But all my flags are up so watch, but be mindful of the marketing goals, people : )
I absolutely can’t figure out how you came up with that suspicion. Not seeing it at all.
I often have this immediate reaction to certain things, too. Totally get it! But I think labeling nuanced portrayals of human beings “propaganda” is also something to be wary of within ourselves. We NEED stories of people who aren’t all one thing – we certainly aren’t. :)
I agree! I know that many of the same forces that brought us MAGA have been pretty open about trying to take over entertainment next. I find myself looking out for the rightward creep of entertainment.
I read all of Anne Lamott’s early work and now I just find her tiresome. I must be the only person in the country that is over her and her wisdom – lite. I put her in the same category as Glennon Doyle and her lackeys. Same “show up for each” other schtick.
I don’t know. Show up for each other seems a pretty ok message, and I wish more people would take it to heart. I am also ok with “Children are not shot or starved to death.”
I don’t disagree but I want to offer the following – you read all of Anne Lamott’s early work for a reason. To read all of someone’s work means you were getting something out of it. You no longer do and that’s fine. It served you when you needed it. What if it’s someone else’s turn to find hope, peace, and guidance in Lamott and Doyle’s work? I personally can’t stand Glennon Doyle, but that just means she’s not for me. I want to offer that maybe there’s no need to yuck someone else’s yum (…particularly when that yum was yummy to you at one point.)
You’re not the only one. I found her works in college and was a fan of her introspective and wry writing about the difficult things that happen to so many people. Now she defaults to religious tropes and it’s not for me. Glad she helps others tho.
Exactly. I felt this way for some time now.
Joanna, you mention attending a Catholic Church now “as chosen by Anton,” and now I want to hear your personal history with religion, if that’s something you feel like sharing. You’ve talked about sex and Botox and divorce and parenting fails; but what’s your relationship with spirituality today?
I’ve spoken a bit about it — I’m more or less an atheist — but I’d love to write more. I’m really enjoying going to church with Anton; he’s been on his own spiritually journey. The music is so beautiful, and our priest talks about migrants, ICE, and other current events. My grandfather was a vicar in the Church of England and I really love English services too. https://cupofjo.com/2015/04/27/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-death/ https://cupofjo.com/2019/01/22/thinking-about-death/
Joanna, I love how you’ve supported Anton is his own religious/spirituality journey. I’m glad you’ve found a church that seems to align with the values you hold and want to instill in your children. My husband (non-practicing Catholic) and I (non-practicing Protestant) are figuring out if we want to introduce religion to our child, and I am once again grateful to have you as a parenting role model
Jo, I love your thoughtful reply and your choice to give Anton the space and freedom to figure out his own relationship with religion. As an ex-Mormon, I’ve tried to figure out how I feel comfortable doing this for my own 3 kids. I recently read The Dearly Beloved and appreciated the 4 main characters’ relationships with religion.
Helen Mirren has been condesending to the world since she became famous. I’m happy that we get to bite back in whatever way we can before she dies!!!
you sound really smart and fun
When I was in fourth grade and new to my Catholic school, we had a brief skit on recycling. My (frustrated artistic) mother took this occasion to use all of her skills and make me an incredible pleated skirt out of actual newspaper that tied on like an apron and a little bandana/bow hat out of newspaper too. It was so uncalled for, how fiercely I slayed that recycling assembly but God I love her for it!
Oh the landline article made me sigh wistfully…I used to dream of getting the big black wall phone with the long cord in the Pottery Barn catalog when I had my own place; I took too darn long to get my own place and technology got too damn fast, but I still long for it! On a visit home to Australia at the start of this year I was gobsmacked to discover that any remaining public phone booths now not only still existed, but also allowed free calls to landlines and cell phones! My husband, two year old son and I jammed into a phone booth by a bakery and dialed everyone we knew in Australia for a chat, just because we could- and the two year old who hates FaceTime-ing with nana and papa was suddenly delighted to just hear their voices through the phone to his ear and happily chatted. It still blows my mind that all those times I’d hope to have enough change to make a call…and now all this for free!
“The washer manual is hidden somewhere in this IKEA cabinet filled with outdated guidebooks, erotic photography, and biographies of Enrique Iglesias. Good luck.” Hahaha! I’ve seen that cabinet!
That house tour link! Perfection! It makes me feel like a normal person. Enjoy your time with your visitor. How great to see your town through someone else’s eyes.
Anne Lamott is one of my favorite authors. The newsprint skirt is stunning. So beyond my budget.
The skirt is indeed stunning, but even more stunning is the model.
I’m more interested in the collar situation seen on two models wearing that skirt. Is one side of the collar (collar point?) sticking up a thing now? Looks worse than the half-tucked shirt trend, so contrived.
I loved Anne Lammot’s thoughtful piece but I’m confused as to why you didn’t even acknowledge the children of Assumption Catholic Church and School? Normally you’re so thoughtful about holding space for such heartbreaks and horrors.
offering Anne’s kind words was the way I wanted to acknowledge it. I didn’t want to just share another horrific news story, as I’m sure everyone knows what happened. as chosen by anton, we go to a Catholic Church here in Brooklyn and I’m sure the pastor will be talking about it in mass on Sunday; I’m looking forward to hearing what he has to say, he always has beautiful guidance in these moments xo
Joanna, thank you for your response. It was helpful emotionally and literally to know how you have and will acknowledge(d) it.
Let’s try not to criticise people who we’re 99% aligned with the on the rare occasion when their words or actions don’t exactly match what you would have done. Remember who the real enemy is and save your energy for them.
I adore Anne Lamott. I know I’m preaching to the choir here for the most part and I am even a little more conservative on some issues than a lot of the readership here, but I just cannot comprehend how we cannot prioritize gun control and how it is not a bipartisan issue. Even aside from mass shootings, gun deaths are sooooooo easily preventable. I live in a city where gun violence is as prevalent as anywhere. I tutor second graders in one of the lowest performing schools in my state in one of the poorest zip codes in the nation. I wear a locket with my mom’s picture inside. She died at age 68 of breast cancer. The other day one of my students asked me if my momma loved me. I said, “she loved me very much, but she died and is in heaven now.” The child responded, “oh. She got shot?” I said, “no, she had cancer.” Child: “but she dead?” Me: “yes.” Kid: “so she got shot” I realized that this child had no context for death apart from gun violence. Couldn’t comprehend that there was any other way to die. THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THE CASE!!!!
Oh Molly, this hit me in my gut. I’ve lost more than one student to gun violence and it’s absolutely outrageous that none of it is shocking anymore. I had a conversation with some of my high school students in the spring about how they can get (and have) guns so easily, and when I suggest that it’s a bad idea, the automatic response is “how else do we protect ourselves?”. Absolutely gutting and enraging.
This breaks my heart. What pathetic stuff that American citizens have to put up with! You cannot even buy unlimited supply of cough syrup here ( because it is not codified in the constitution) but we have more guns than people, in the name of constitutional right. I am saddened that I have become indifferent now, because it seems that no amount of action from average citizens can bring about any change related to gun control in the US.
Oh Molly. Your comment. Your young student. It’s heartbreaking. I teach in one of the poorest schools in a district of 70,000 kids. The level of disadvantage these children face is real and overwhelming. Teacher turnover at such schools is fast and furious. Thank you for choosing to stay.
I do love the newspaper print!!! I was surprised it was polyester though.
Yay for landlines! I’ve been talking about getting one for my 9-year-old daughter and need to get her friends’ parents on board, too. (Unfortunately her best friend already has an iPhone…”God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,” etc.) Anyway, something that has me stuck is that most landlines these days are actually internet-based. It seems like it would be better to get an actual landline, in case of emergencies (like an earthquake here in California)? Any advice?
Call around for a phone company that still uses copper wire to hook you up. But unfortunately… like everything else… everyone’s going to have to join you! Sigh
I was ahead of my time by being old school, lol. I set up Google voice with an obihai device to have a ‘landline’ in my house for my kids almost 10 years ago. It rings home and my cell phone so kids only needed to learn one phone number as their home/mom number. It allows texting from a computer if you want. Only downside is bark and other monitoring software doesn’t monitor the texts. I have never regretted it, and I felt in emergencies something was better than nothing and it was one more option. And it was free all these years.
And read up on the programs to phase copper wire out. Its lifespan is very short going forward.
This completely blows my mind as well. I could not find a land line service anywhere in my area after looking extensively during covid quarantine, anticipating that it could easily become an issue with whatever is to come. There must be a group list somewhere by now, organized by state? Surely? Does anyone know of one for Washington state?
Landlines are great for emergencies! Unfortunately, AT&T is slowly phasing out their copper lines (except for in CA, I think),
We just got an Ooma phone! It’s great! Some of my friends/neighbors are trying to band together and all get one so that we can postpone cell phones as long as possible. And with the NYS “bell to bell” device ban, we are hopeful that the tides are turning. Maybe? a little?
But surely this is free because they are making money on the data they harvest from your phone conversations? This is not paranoia – it’s like, the business model of most major tech giants?
Big ups to the Venetian Airbnb host who did NOT charge us extra when I explained in broken Italian that I’d potato-printed her sheets with ink that wept out of the massive black cat tattoo I got halfway through our stay. I tried to pay for them and she refused!!
I had to read this twice and laughed so hard both times
Big ups to Cathal and Paul in Dublin who did not charge us when I put up temporary blackout paper “curtains” and it peeled some of the paint off their wall. I felt like a complete idiot, but I fessed up and they were so kind.
omg. lol….if this is real, wow – congrats to you for being a fascinating human! haha
Anne Lamott
I feel seen by that house tour
Joanna et al, have you seen the trailer for “Hamnet”?? … I’m so sorry. It looks amazing and heartbreaking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2xtmPkuksA
Wow I want to see this! I just got the book from the library.
Ooo can’t wait for this!
I, too, have been the victim of a Parisian washing machine that held my clothes hostage for 12+ hours and shrank all my socks 😅
Love the return of the landline. Coincidentally, this story just posted, about a Seattle company that has reinvented the landline for a new generation of kids. Gives me hope for the future! https://www.seattleschild.com/tin-can-phone-for-kids/
COJ always feels apposite, but, having just finished reading to my 8yo (almost 9yo who claims to not need it “because I know how to read” but then asks for another chapter and this beloved ritual breaks my heart a little every evening because I know one day it won’t happen at all) and packing to leave the European AirB’n’B (realising that we missed the right day to leave the green bin outside) feels like you and Grace have bugged my ‘phone or something.
My son is almost 12 and I still read him aloud, but not as a bedtime routine, it s become a fun activity we share… no reason to stop! Love from Paris
I still read each night to both girls – 8 and 10 – it’s just part of our bed time routine. And then during morning while they wake up too actually – we get plenty of those moments still! My ten year old sometimes asks me to read separately beside her which is cozy too.
I still read to my 12 year-old son most nights. Sometimes when he is soaking in a bubble bath! With all the ups and downs of hormones and him just generally being a butthole to me (he’s lovely towards everyone else) it is often the only pleasant interaction we have! I’ll continue that long as he wants to! Even as I sit around the corner on the other side of the wall when he is in the bathtub.
Omg! I’m Gem! So so flattered to be included in favorite comments, and especially with this back to school week of contrasting the sunniest personal moments with the deepest sadness in Minneapolis.
Really feeling that ‘European AirBnb’ piece after spending 2 weeks navigating cryptic lock boxes, 3+ hour clothes washing machine cycles the absence of toilet paper or hand soap, and an email insisting we pay to replace a towel that had bleach stains on it.
The Rachel Comey is amazing but how many people still even know what newsprint is?!
That house tour is one of the best things I’ve seen in ages. BLESS YOU. YES. I always wonder: How do the people with magnificent gardens find the time?! And I see the answer here: clear priorities. You choose where you give a crap and where you put your time. Yes yes yes. Thank you! May you never trip on the evidence of your joyful living and always find one more pillowcase, someplace.
The living room shot captioned “Whatever.” /dead
The best part is that it looks like this home tour post was from when Sharon’s kids were young which makes it SO relatable. The shot with the kid scooter just…parked in the hall made me feel SO SEEN. Best blog post on the internet.
I think TTMC is The Thursday Murder Club!
I want to be Helen Mirren when I am 80, 60, 40, 20… all the time! Who else is watching TTMC this weekend? I didn’t realize it’s a movie, not a show so now I am going really slow, savoring each second of the 2ish hours.
wait, not to be so dumb, but what is TTMC?
oh! the Thursday murder club!
I watched it and may have to watch it again. I am 70 and love anything with people my own age in it. But also, it is a very good story, the setting and decor is beautiful and the actors all look like they have real faces.
Yep! Rarely is the film version as good as the books but this one comes pretty close.
Absolutely adored the movie and casting as well as sets were just spot on! Loved the series of books and listen to the audiobook versions from my library as a calming comfort on stressful weeks. I also loved that they released the movie on a Thursday 🙂
Watched it and loved it! Reading all the books too. If you like the books, you may like Leonie Swann’s Agnes Sharp series.
Thank you, A J! I just put the first in her series on hold at my library and am looking forward to reading it.