Have a Lovely Weekend.

New Orleans City Park is pretty amazing plus there is a Botanical Garden there, too. We took an e-bike tour of New Orleans and I completely recommend seeing the city that way. Tour went through City Park.

Thank you so much for doing that Emily, you must be a tech wiz! I love this community!

This is such a wonderful idea, thank you : ) Please add Innisfree Garden in Millbrook, NY.

Oooh, that map is glimmer! Thanks, Emily!

Jenny, I love this.

so wonderful, thanks for sharing this.

Love this. Thanks for sharing.

I don’t. People who have been let down are often those who understand how connection matters most. Longing is a powerful lens to better view the world with intention.

I’m not a fan of her show at all, but highly respect the boundaries she set in place for her family members who were wildly financially interested in taking advantage of her.

Nothing unusual about this at all. Happens all the time. Family relationships can be dysfunctional and broken, and family members can be toxic and abusive. It’s much healthier and saner to chose to be with the people who love, appreciate, and support us.

Gosh, couldn’t agree more. Meghan is a classic example of “do what I say, not what I do.” Yes, people are allowed to cut family out of their life when they have been wronged. But, apparently in her case, that’s every single member of her family – every single paternal and maternal relative – with the exception of her mother? Seems wildly suspect to me. And sad that she has not tried to mend some fences for the sake of her children.

Utterly bizarre to me that people can see and accept what the royals did to Diana, and somehow not believe that same family would be capable of doing it to someone else? And to take the side of the family who so brazenly have fought to protect Andrew, a known predator and rapist, and somehow think that Meghan must be the one doing wrong? I’m sure she’s not perfect but whew. Misognoir all around.

People love to hate on her.

You sounds exactly like my best friend ❤️ she’s so dear to me. If I were with her right now, I’d wrap her in a big hug, scoop her up some ice cream, and watch a favorite chick flick together. September is so close! I have a really good feeling about this part time position. I think you will interact with kind and like-minded people. Sending you lots of love ❤️ so many people are thinking of you and cheering for your success!

I don’t have answers, just solidarity! I feel similar about making mom friends. I am someone who really values deep friendships, we have a few parents we are friendly with but no true friendships. I don’t know how to take it to the next level and feel like when we do hang we are chasing after kids and having surface level, interrupted conversations. I think it takes time but also just saying I see you and I think it’ll get better (for both of us!)

I struggled this for years when six (!) of my closest girlfriends year by year moved away from the city I live in. I tried doing the “mom friend” thing for years and years but it’s really been mostly miss. I’m just not that person who social butterflies out at the school pick up. And “having kids” is not enough for me to make a friendship. Plus, the amount of togetherness time we can eek out as adults to form a bonded friendship isn’t there. What worked for me was meeting folks through a hobby I really care about (painting). The hangs with people you barely know become way less awkward and way more meaningful when the hang is devoted to the mutual interest. I met folks in a class setting -to be fair, it took some trial and error to find the right class that married skill building and a social environment. Finally, I have a couple adult friends who make me feel joyful, and any personality quirks/mismatches that otherwise might be irksome get overshadowed by the mutual interest and group mission. I hope this is helpful to someone!

Keep trying! You are doing all the right things. It will click with someone eventually. It took me about 4-5 years after moving to a new city but I eventually found some ride or die bffs who I know will be my besties forever. Don’t give up!

Maybe try something radical like sending a group text to all those women announcing your search for your new best friend and see if anyone responds…no harm if they do not – you still have a list of people to go for coffee with – but there may be someone in the group who wants what you want! Also, I would do a regular party where you invite them all to attend together – that could be fun and interesting, to allow the group to gather with you as the initiator…I mean, why not? Just play with it, you have nothing to lose.

My advice is to please reach out to your contacts. This is how I met a close friend who’d been here from out of state for a year. I’d met any number of potential friends, but she was the only one who reached out and followed up. It is harder to meet people as an adult, so it can take more effort. Hang in there!

This takes some going-out-on-a-limb energy: pick the friend you like the most from among the 20, and tell them. Just straight up tell them! I really like you, I’m looking for more close friendships, and I’d like to deepen ours. I know that sounds terrifying (what if they don’t want to/can’t reciprocate??), but if you’re willing to think of it like dating, where not everyone will be as into you as you are into them, you can just go for it. Ever since a friend and I tearfully admitted we would’ve spent every day of our (soon to be over) maternity leave at each other’s houses IF WE HAD ONLY BEEN BRAVE ENOUGH TO ADMIT THAT’S WHAT WE WANTED, I’ve been a lot more persistent in pursuing friendships. I am the inviter now. I invite you to my house. I invite you to the pool. I invite you to run errands. I invited six women who barely know each other to a weekend away in a cabin. Be the inviter and see who shows up! It’s hard, in this era of busy-ness and boundaries, but I have found that people really crave connection and if I’m not the one to make it happen, it often just doesn’t. I’m also a teacher and you will almost definitely make some work besties as well, so don’t be afraid to jump over the awkward hurdle of “work friend” to “real friend” – just invite them too! Good luck! And if you happen to live in Northern Virginia, let’s hang!

I could’ve written this myself. Also a mom in my 30s and about 2.5 years ago, I moved back near my hometown (same state but new city) and left all my friends behind. They’re only about three hours away, but still. I immediately got pregnant and had a baby and everything changed. It was so tough and so lonely. I also WFH, so I didn’t have a lot of contact with the outside world. My husband and I had a couple acquaintances in our new town, but not the same deep friendships we’d had before. I would say things are better now, but I still don’t have really close friends here. I started playing soccer twice a week with a casual group, and one of my acquaintances put together a bunco group (so random!) that has been really fun and helped me find new friends/grow closer with her. For me, even though I don’t feel like I have really close friends like I did before, having these social events weekly and monthly has really helped me feel connected. I bet once you start the new job, you’re going to feel so much better. Even if you don’t end up making a BEST best friend, just having that ongoing social outlet will probably make a huge difference, at least I hope so! I guess I don’t have great advice besides keep doing what you’re doing, keep making an effort to socialize, and give it time! I think friendships take longer to develop the older we get.

Hi Mollie! Thinking of the six friends I hang out with the most and how that came to be: Two friends I met when our kids were in preschool (the kids are in high school now): – One of those would have all the parents and one year olds over to her house once a month or more! – One of those started a philanthropic group that met once a month. Two friends I met from grad school: – One of these started a book club that I am a part of. – The three of us meet for coffee or lunch every couple of months. Two friends I met from church: – We show up for both hard times (surgery, death of a parent) and celebrations (birthdays). They are not as close with the two mom friends I met when my kids were in preschool but there is a place for all types of friendships. I think the main thing that I notice is that we all became friends by seeing each other regularly (book club, weekly church, monthly service group, organized play dates), and now our friendships take place much more organically (group chats, last minute lunches). Is there any regular, ongoing group that you could initiate for a while until the organic friendships blossom? Friendships can take a long time to develop, in my personal experience. My closest gf was a friendly acquaintance for a number of years before we went on a double date a number of years ago. The four of us (us + spouses) now text multiple times a day and see each other probably twice a week. Good luck! I think your new position in September is going to be great!

In my experience, it takes time to build those close friendships. It sounds like you’re on your way with your acquaintances. Keep asking to get together and meeting people and eventually things will grow and progress. I didn’t feel like I had solid, close friends in my new city until about 3 years in.

hahahaha this is amazing

Ha! What a great story though! Also, I have a very good carrot salad recipe, should you need it.

LOUDER!!! It is very frustrating to hear people’s misconceptions about the South and people who live here.

I agree! I think so many people would be surprised by the beauty of our state and the people in it.

In a similar vein, I’ve noticed that making fun of and stereotyping southern people and culture is acceptable even to progressive people who would never laugh at jokes about other groups. “Are you ok” is just another way of doing this. At the same time, the South is mined for film, TV and book content because it’s rich in stories and culture. I can understand the anger toward the South, I am angry too, but we are not a monolith and the othering hurts people who are on your side

UU in another deeply red state and saaaame

A similar story here. I grew up in Huntsville, spent seven years living in two other states outside the South, and spent time abroad as well. My hometown of Huntsville, Alabama, is best known for NASA and the Saturn V rocket, which carried humans to the moon and was engineered right here. It’s also home to Cummings Research Park, the 2nd largest research park in the U.S. (biotech, aerospace). HudsonAlpha is a major hub for DNA sequencing in the U.S. and does a great deal of research on the BRCA gene. If folks at Princeton stumble over themselves when meeting someone from a different part of the country, they reveal only their own limitations.

This is such an important perspective & reminder! Thank you for sharing.

Always scary when some of the nations brightest young university people still believe that media portraits of reality (the “news”) reflect any type of truth. Media portraits are like, 95% finely crafted to direct herd mentality – I thought we all understood that by now…

I just heard Ezra Klein interview Barbara Kingsolver — and I have been talking about this bit ever since: “I got to Indiana, DePauw University. And to my amazement, there, I discovered I was a hillbilly. I’d never thought of myself as a backward — coming from a backward place. But oh, my goodness. I needed only to cross the river into Indiana to discover what ignorant, backward folk we were from Kentucky.” I feel this often. I’m from the South and I now live in Idaho. I love my hometown, and I love it here. (And, like you say, it’s an understatement to say we have many problems here.)

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I live in Seattle, and have a lot of rural and red-state family and family friends. I get so much “wow, scary! do you feel safe? is it safe for kids to visit seattle?” type of questions, as if there aren’t like 800k people living, working, going to school, raising families here, etc.

Spite and malice! Xoxo

THANK YOU!!! You’re so kind!

Thanks for your note! Here’s how I generally think about it: writing online is my career and allows me to earn an annual salary and support my family, as well as allow three other women to earn annual salaries. I’m paid for writing about lots of things, including advice that I’ve learned in my life, just like lots of people are — book authors, magazine writers, speakers, therapists, etc. Writing is my job, and I work full time, so that makes sense to me. All the advice for the past 18 years on CoJ is 100% free for readers (supported by sponsors and advertisers), and the past two years of Big Salad issues have been reader supported, meaning that readers pay $6/month for 5 issues. You can also subscribe for free for 2 issues per month. We also give away 30 comped (paid) subscriptions every month. I feel good about these models for our small business, although I understand they might not be for everyone. Hope this makes sense!

How is it “gatekeeping”? I don’t understand that reaction at all. Many publications and websites have content that one has to pay to view, it’s very common. If you’re that interested then why not consider paying the subscription price ?

@ no thanks: Imagine thinking women should work for free… yikes!

Joanna, you absolutely deserve to be paid for your writing. Next you should figure out how to monetized tact and you’d be filthy fucking rich with how you handle comments like this. As my favorite busker in New Orleans always says: you’ve paid a whole lot more for a whole lot less.

No thanks, what the heck? So.. self help books that your library doesn’t have or your friends don’t share with you should be given free to YOU? Good grief…or yikes as you say. The comments here used to really lift me up and other views offered different ways of looking at many things, but the last half year or so the greed, elitism and self centeredness in some of the comments here have me reading the post and skipping comments way more than I ever thought I would. And yep, to each her own.

This advice was initially given by a therapist, who was presumably paid for her work – but I can’t imagine anyone coming at a therapist for “gatekeeping” therapy (although of course we all wish quality mental health care could be made affordable and accessible for all). I don’t think Joanna has to apologize at all!

I’d add, if I may, that Joanna has always been incredibly generous, gracious and thoughtful with what she shares of her own life and owes The Internet nothing. The additional privacy provided by a self-selecting audience of supporters has enabled further exploration of personal topics like divorce, sexuality, etc. It is immensely within her right and discretion and is not gatekeeping any more than selling an advice book in a bookstore.

@No Thanks – What a jump to make! I’m sure Joanna paid her therapist much more for that advice than the six bucks she’s charging to read it in Big Salad. Could you imagine how it would go over if she accused her therapist of “gatekeeping helpful advice”? Of course not! It’s laughable. Super classy and thoughtful response as usual, Joanna.

Why comment at all? How rude! Joanna is so generous and kind with her posts. You could kindly say, I can’t afford a subscription to Big Salad but I’d really love to read this post. OR skip it and move on! Jeez Louise!

Makes total sense, Joanna. Your writing is well worth it xo

Imagine thinking you’re entitled to free stuff… Yikes!

This is Joanna’s career. I wouldn’t give people free legal advice, why should she not charge a minimal fee for people who want to pay it. She is delightful! You can still read the weekly posts which are free. I wish people would take a second to think before being rude.

Imagine shaming a woman for wanting to be compensated for her work…yikes!

Under capitalism, it is customary to pay people for the goods and services that they provide you. If helpful advice from strangers is supposed to be free, someone should tell that to my lawyer, my accountant, my doctor, my psychiatrist, my occupational therapist, my dog trainer, the author of the several books I had to read this week for work, and the NYT Times Well section.

What a tactful response to a truly awful and entitled comment. You are so much better at handling this than I would be in this situation! Happy to see so many others stand up for you too!

Oh thank you!!

But you know she’s Sussex now? Well, now I know, and I love it.

this sounds so excellent, thanks for sharing it. I will give it a try. What kind of onion? White?

This does sound amazing ! I would use a Walla Walla or Videlia sweet white onion. So crisp and juicey, and still an onion but not so bitey as a regular onion. Delish with tomatoes!

hahahahah amazing

Ooh fun idea!

I would second this! Have been desiring just such a feature as I explore the vast edges of CoJ!

I love this suggestion. Deep dives on CofJ can be a wonderland. Comments I try to return to can be hard to find later.

Oh this idea is fun! It would be cool if every so often (or always) there was the option for “surprise me! Pick -me-up” or “surprise me! Fashion” or “surprise me! I need a good cry” (that last one obvs would be the moving, tearjerker ones)

Love this idea and would also add a magical ability to search the comments? I’m not sure if the current search does that or if it’s just too much but I read about some random foot cream on Amazon ages ago (pre-Amazon ban) and I can’t find it anywhere and so many people commented how good it was. It’s been months and I still think about it. Lesson to all readers: screenshot something you want to remember because chances are, you will NOT remember which post it was on haha

Okay, but HOW are you going through the archives??? I am a long COJ reader but due to life chaotic-ness, I have missed the last year or so. I can’t find a way to go through the blog without having to keep hitting “load previous” a million times. What am I missing>

Thanks for asking, Pam! It’s not very clear on the site (apologies!!), but one way to do it is to put cupofjo.com and then the year and month. For example, for August 2025, you’d write: https://cupofjo.com/2025/08/ then you can see all the posts that month. then, for the previous month, July 2025, you’d write: https://cupofjo.com/2025/07/ and so on :) thank you again for asking, and sorry it’s not easier to figure out! joannaxo

Hahaha

Hahahah we have been internet friends/colleagues for 20 years :)

💚

Oh my gosh you are so sweet! Yes it’s technically Alex’s weekend but the boys wanted to go to the whiffle ball tournament so I said I’d take them. They’re staying with him on Sunday and Tuesday to make up the days ;)

Ha! I’m on your schedule, Mariah!

My husband and I actually saw him a few years ago at EPCOT. We were all in line at the beer stand in Germany and were discussing the offerings on tap. I was trying to be so cool and acting like I didn’t recognize him, like he was just another guest. He probably saw through that lol. My husband of course didn’t recognize him even though we both watch SNL and said, “what a cool guy.”

I feel the same as you towards Meghan but I couldn’t even watch it on mute, it was that cringe and far-removed from anyone’s reality (in my opinion)…

Yeah that’s how I felt about the trailer. Maybe it’s the fact that my name is Robin that the song also made my skin crawl but it just seemed so cringey and not fitting with the content and then the name of the show gah. Maybe I’ll watch the Samin Nosrat episode and see?

Nothing Meghan does will ever be enough. Even if she just stands there, somebody will still say she’s inauthentic and responsible for the end of humanity.

I watched part of season one and thought the same. After listening to Prince Harry’s book “ Spare” I have a lot of empathy for them both. The British press is awful. I do think she gets joy from her creative ideas, I just thought the direction of the show wasn’t clear. I’m a very experienced cook, baker and creative, so I would appreciate a bit more precision. Season two looks better.

Yeah. I heard. . . not great things from her former publicist (this is pre-Harry).

I really enjoyed Season 1. I found it so relaxing. The recipes I tried came out great. And I like the entertaining inspiration. I can’t wait for Season 2.

Totally agree! Huge thanks Emily!!!

Seriously! You’re the best, Emily!

I think I stopped watching after the awkward Meghan/Mindy Kaling episode. It was also really over-produced. Maybe season 2 will be better.

Chrissy has a history of being a troll and bully to several young people online. She did apologize as referenced in this article but some people may not believe it’s genuine https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1270910

Racism?

Mostly racism, methinks.

Re Chrissy, probably for all of her bullying through the years despite her anti-bullying pulpit. Doubt it’s envy of that…

People hate happy women.

Who knows? People are so weird, and online comments can be pure whacked out madness. It also crossed my mind that it could be part of a targeted disinformation campaign, or bots. Regardless, I will pay them no more mind. I admire Meghan, and the show looks like fun. I am all in for season 2.

Chrissy Teigen is a notorious bully. Beyond that I feel like much of the animosity is due to incredibly privileged, wealthy people cosplaying middle America for entertainment. The veneer is so thick.

Meghan talks about “showing up lovingly” but her dad has never met Harry or their children, and they live isolated from their British relatives. Charity begins at home.

I dislike Chrissy because she’s been a mean girl for years and years and years. Nothing to do with racism (I’m a brown girl, too).

As I get older, I notice a lot of women tend to be mean to other women. I don’t know if those women feel like there isn’t enough room in the world for other successful, attractive, good mothers, etc., but it certainly feels like it. It’s sad.

We do every few weeks! Xo