How Do You Mother Yourself?

Truly one of the best posts I have read anywhere, ever. So true. How is it so many of miss something so otherwise obvious? Thank you for sharing this little power-packed blessing. I appreciate you!

I had a terrible week – totaled my car out of state; gave myself food poisoning; started my period; still feeling tender from getting dumped too long ago. I bawled to my new therapist as soon as I sat down on her couch. She asked me ‘who takes care of you?’ She asked what I need, and what would I ask for, if I could ask for anything. I felt like I didn’t have a realistic answer. It feels so hard to offer my problems to a friend or family member to handle for me. But until I get comfortable with that question, I continue to take care of me. Drinking 72+oz of water, keeping food prepped, cookie dough in the freezer, getting walks with the dog, sticking to a bedtime. I am trying.

I’m really enjoying this topic, my daughter has an 8 month old. I’ve been blessed to be there for her pre birth and now post birth, basically mothering her as she mothers her child. I realized that even though she is a new mom and I’m a new grandmother, that my daughter still needs to be mothered. I’m so blessed to be there for her and my grand baby.

oy for whatever reason I don’t really like books that have lectures in them! I really think most people are mothering themselves the best they know how, and they probably know how better than anyone else. My therapist would probably tell me to quit reading the Cup of Jo blog. I just don’t think it’s that bad to connect! Even if it’s over the internet.

Wow this is profound. I need to try this, I’m also getting divorced with young kids in tow

I was thinking about this topic the day before I read this post. Life has been incredibly difficult lately. A previous expat for many years, I just returned to the US. A decision I thought would be good for my family has been a challenge at every turn wreaking havoc in our new home. Recently I had some belongings shipped from storage to my new home. I unfortunately fell prey to a moving scam and I am not sure i will ever be reunited with my items. The people that took them are foul and shady; if they turn up i fear they will be destroyed. The items are from my childhood home and memories from my mom who is no longer here. I’ve been really down about the scam and was thinking about what my mom would tell me, and I thought about calling my best friend’s mom just to have a mom to mother me. As the anniversary of my mother’s death draws near, I find myself needing her mothering more and hoping she wouldn’t be disappointed with the current mess of my life and loss of irreplaceable items. I know her advice would be short and not what I wanted but exactly what I need. In some short form she would tell me to pray, have a good cry and put my family first. Here’s to all of us who need mothering, may you open your floodgates and pick yourself back up again. If everyone could send some vibes that I am one day reunited with my items and they are somewhat salvageable.

I can be really hard on myself. My husband pointed out to me that I should not expect perfection from myself at everything and now I tell myself “you don’t have to be perfect” and somehow that helps.

Ensconcing myself among safe friends or my family yoga with adriene-ing walking by the river stopping when I’m too tired to go on bed by 8 to read – and making the bed snuggly for this at 6pm. letting go of chores bathing wrapping myself up in a big, big blanket or swimming under the green ocean at bondi.

This has been a voyage of years for me, figuring out how to mom myself. What I’ve noticed works is telling myself out loud what I wish someone else would say to me when I do a good job, telling a friend I need them to celebrate a win with me, and most surprisingly, buying myself cards. I don’t write in them, but if I’m out and find a card that has a sentiment I wish I had recieved or resonates with me, I buy it and put it in my office until I feel like the message has sunk in. Recently it was “I hope you feel like you again soon.” After being in my office since January, it recently retired into my next journal. Also that “mindful self compassion” workbook is awesome!

I noticed my mom, and also my husband , are quite good at mothering themselves. They take the time to do what they need to recharge (my mom, reading her book alone; my husband, meeting the guys to play cards after he puts the kids to bed) At some point I realized I don’t do that for me and nobody is stopping me. So it has meant -walks alone in the early am or evening -booking the childcare even if my work is light and using that time to walk alone and read my books -occasional indulgence in my favorite nicotine products I’m feeling guilty for like 2 hours reading random shit on Reddit instead of reading my books “I guess I needed that today.”

I really like following @mamanous on instagram for this reason. I think she does a really good job of mothering herself and encouraging others to do the same. She’s has lots of sweet songs for kids, but also great mantra songs for adults, like one about being perfectly imperfect and the one I’ll link below, called Worrying Has Never Changed a Thing. Listening to it takes my anxiety down a few notches each and every time I hear it. I highly recommend checking out her stuff. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHlvo41B0q2/?igsh=bHhmbGRtd2ZtNThw

TW: suicidal ideation I reveal little bits and pieces of my mental health struggles with my mom because her own mother completed suicide. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell her about my own suicide attempt and ongoing ideation. For anyone else going through this hell I’m not sure if it gets better but the poetry of Andrea Gibson and Maria Bamford’s comedy has helped me feel less alone. https://andreagibson.org/living-proof https://youtu.be/2I-MwHiadpc?si=5bBnp4YBiIfFQD0K

I have a mom who was/is not nurturing at all. She was and still is pretty emotionally absent and I only started to realize how wounding that was when I had my own daughter! I realized I didn’t even know how to comfort myself, really. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion model has been extremely helpful for me! If I go through a huge disappointment or I’m beating myself up about something, I’ll place my hand on my heart or even one hand on my heart and one hand on my cheek (the physical touch is important), and then I’ll: 1) Validate (“This is really hard. This hurts so much. It makes sense that you’re hurting.” 2) Connect to common humanity (“So many people around the world have been hurt like this/disappointed like this/messed up like this. You’re not alone.”) 3) Extend kindness to myself. (My I be kind to myself. My I be gentle with myself.” Also, as other commenters have said, mothering my daughter has helped heal me in some ways. It’s showed me how a good mother might react in certain situations. Even hugging her sometimes, I feel the comfort that she feels (my mom pretty much never hugged us after kindergarten). It’s a weird phenomenon but cool! Also for those of us who grew up in dysfunctional/emotionally neglectful households and are now trying to parent our kids and ourselves at the same time, I highly recommend the podcast Grow Yourself Up with Cath Counihan!

This has been a new concept for me over the last 7 months being separated and starting 12-step work – becoming my own loving parent. I spend a lot of time talking to my inner teen, the teenage-me whose wounds and struggles have driven the bus of my life into all sorts of unhealthy situations. She strives to be loved and seen, but doesn’t know how to make those connections in healthy ways with healthy people. I reparent myself in the car a lot, crying down the highway. “I see you, you really want to be loved and chosen. What kind of love do you deserve? (Intentional and honest) Do we give our energy to people who refuse to love us well? (Not anymore) You’re safe then. Cry as long as you need to and then we’ll do the next right thing.”

I imagine what I would tell a friend that I love to bits, if they were going through a similar situation – and then tell my own self the same words. Oftentimes, I repeat simple phrases like: – I am here – You are not alone – I love you And then I started to indulge in many self-care practices that I perceived as luxuries in the past (really, I felt I didn’t deserve them). So I will book a massage or acupuncture session and thoroughly enjoy it.

Sometimes, when it’s been really rough, I stand in the shower, and while the hot water streams on me, I give myself a hug and say to myself out loud “you are trying so hard, you are doing so well, and I love you”. And for some reason, it feels like I can receive the love I am giving myself as though it were my mother giving me her unconditional love.

My lovely late mother did a great job of mothering us – I remember one time that I didn’t get into med school and the world felt collapsing on me, and she took me to a silly movie and to buy some silly shoes and tended my broken heart. Now (as a doctor!) I try to emulate her warmth towards myself, I deserve care and kindness, just as much as my patients and my kids. And I’ve learned the hard way that when I am depleted and beating up on myself, I am immensely more cynical and harsh with everyone.

Ok, so there’s a book called Whole Brain Living, by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (the woman who did one of the most watched TED talks ever, my stroke of insight.) In the book, she teaches a technique called the Brain Huddle, where you talk to each section of your brain (read the book, I won’t do justice to the brain sections in a comment). I have jokingly called myself a “praise junky” but that exercise gives me a taste of love that is just… so far beyond any “praise”… I just let myself be enveloped in that big big big love, and … well, just read the book. Here’s Dr. Taylor’s website: drjilltaylor.com

I’m going to PT for a foot/knee situation, and my previous therapist asked me, “Do you talk positively to your body?” I really wasn’t. She encouraged me to praise my knees for doing well on stairs, and my back for being so strong, and my hamstrings for hanging in there during strengthening exercises. It’s strikingly similar to the way a mother praises her child’s first steps/climbs/leaps. Also, it works!

My mom moved out when I was around 12. She left the state when I was 14. I tried time and time again to replace her with other women, with limited success. As a kid I would sing myself to sleep, with tears. Usually the National Anthem. That part is a little funny. Now, I have built a life where I more or less “grandmother” myself. My house is grandmotherly. I make extra effort to feel cozy and romanticize my life. Most transformatively, I get to mother my daughter in all the ways I wish my mom had mothered me. And what do you know? Sometimes that sweet 7 year old angel mothers me <3 We like to have supreme cozy reading parties. She will rub my back without me asking. I fold the towels extra special and make her bed before I make my own. Maybe not the healthiest habit, but making her feel loved heals the parts of me that didn't.

I say, “Well, Erin, you can’t be amazing at everything. That wouldn’t be fair!”

I try to channel my husband. My husbands phrase for me is “good jerb!” and “you’re doing great! G-R-E-T!” said in a sing-song voice and it’s slowly replaced harsher self-talk in my head. Silliness really helps, and I love that so much about him. A former friend was horrified by a phrase he had engraved on my engagement ring and gave him nonsense about it because it was a very silly very intimate moment from our first date; but “honk honk” isn’t very dignified to her mind. I’d rather he be silly and love and support me in such an unconditional way than he be dignified.

Years ago I gave my SIL a gift with a funny tag that said “You’re doing a f*cking great job.” She recently showed me that she has kept it in the little window pocket in her wallet.

I don’t want to mother myself, having not been especially well “mothered”, I determinedly do not need “mothering”. I did, however, grow up with a couple of little old ladies nearby who would feed me tea and bicuits in their country cottages, often with a dog nearby. This post has led to a blinding epiphany that I’ve been trying to “little old lady” myself for the last 30 years. Now I know what it is I’ve been trying to do, maybe I’ll be better at it!

After my second baby was born, and my husband had left the hospital to tend to our first and I was alone in the dark hospital room with the sleeping newborn, the adrenaline of the fast, unmedicated labor started wearing off and my body would not stop shaking, but I knew I needed to sleep. And I found myself imagining giving myself a hug, and telling myself what a great job I had just done over and over again, and how proud I was and slowing the shaking stopped and I was able to sleep (for a little, obviously). I used the same trick, intentionally this time, after a similar experience with my third. And this time I also hummed to myself the song my mom used to sing to me when she was putting me to bed, and I could feel my body start to relax and let go. It’s always funny to me that the times I’ve needed mothering, from myself or others, has been right after having babies of my own.

I do a lot of positive self-talk to cancel out the negative voices in my head (many of which sound like my mother). The first time I ever said to myself, out loud, “I’m proud of you,” I burst into tears. Sometimes it’s as simple as that. Lately I’m working on some body image/dysmorphia stuff (yay, Gen X-dom) and so it’s “You’re fit and you look great.” Basically it boils down to the notion of the fact that I am totally my childrens’ biggest cheerleader, and so I should be my own, too.

Sometimes, no matter how challenging things seem to be (work/kids/marriage), I look at myself in the mirror and say “you are doing a good job”. The vote of confidence from myself, gives me just enough to move forward with the day.

While going through a tough mental time last year, where I found that I was giving myself less and less grace when I really needed way more of it, I found the “Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook,” and it saved me. I devoted time every morning to a chapter and an exercise, and over time I found that I was beginning to look at myself with the kind of love and kindness I thought I’d only ever get from my best friend or husband. I can’t emphasize enough how life-changing that has been. My old instinct has always been to cast around blindly for support when I experience an unpleasant emotion. Now I’m growing the capacity to hold myself in those moments. One specific exercise that keeps coming back to me was when the instructor suggested picturing someone who represents wisdom and kindness to you, a mentor, maybe, or a parent. I don’t have anyone who really fits that bill in my life. What came to mind for me was myself – older, wiser, and so full of compassion for what a younger her is going through. I’ve been going through it with family issues and feeling so isolated lately, but then I remember to picture this older self and remember that I have my own back. I can be there for myself. I can give myself the love I need to survive. I’m planning on getting a tattoo that symbolizes this for me because it feels like if this is the only lesson I learn in my whole damn life, all the pain will have been for something.

I also tell myself, “I’m learning.” And also, “I’m allowed to…” like, “I’m allowed to make mistakes.” “I’m allowed to not know what to do.” “I’m allowed to say nothing at all when I dont know how to respond.

As a mom of two kids under 4, I’m really grateful you shared your “I’m learning” mantra. Thanks Jo.

I’m excited to read through these comments! I make sure I get daily yoga with a few minutes of meditation at the end. Definitely start and end the day with a big glass of water. And if I can make a quick daily sketch, that’s a good day.

I think I actually do it a lot—definitely put myself to bed early, fill my water cup up, pack a good lunch for myself for work, make myself a strong cup of coffee. I process things aloud so talking things out with my husband or mom really feels helpful, but when that isn’t possible, I’ll talk it aloud to myself and use myself as a sounding board. I never criticize my body or my shortcomings but rather accept them as part of myself and at best, like them, or at worst, recognize an opportunity for growth.

As the mother of two I cherish being alone: Alone in my office, alone on work trips but most of all, HOME ALONE! this almost never happens but when it does, it is glorious!

Everyone click on your Spotify app (or preferred music streaming app) and search for This is to Mother You by Sinead O’Connor. It’s this post in a song.

What a mother does is that she is always there, no matter what. Be your own Mom and be there for you. You’re your best friend and the one that should always be gentle to you. But then, you are never alone. You have friends, family… Be there for others but don’t forget that others are also there for you. You don’t need to go through anything alone. Reach out.

Hypnosis. I just got certified as a hypnotherapist and experienced MANY hours of it this summer by trading practice sessions with students. It’s been profound! At a very early age, I hid my most tender self away. I’ve been closed off and guarded. Tough on myself. Receiving love has been a challenge. Self love, even a bigger challenge. It’s opened me up to healing, joyous, innocent experiences of love and care. I’ve gotten real insights. Sometimes just through guiding the sessions myself for others, not even being “the client”! Hypnosis sounds very out there to many people, but if you can get past the “bark like a dog” theatrical BS, it’s an amazing practice – the best of meditation, psychedelics and spirituality in one. My goal now is to build a practice to help others find this in themselves. It’s in there for all of us!

I needed to read this. The last sentences are what I’m reminding myself tonight after a stressful work day. Thank you Joanna :’)

I spend stunning amounts of money on a therapist as I continue to recover from the traumatic loss of my husband, who was killed six years ago. It took a long time before I was willing to spend this money on me. After pouring into my children to ensure this loss – yes, rewrote their lives but did not ruin them, I am finally allowing me to care for…me. And also? My kids are doing great! All 3 (31, 26, 22) have graduated from college since their dad died and two are now married.

Both my parents are Dismissive Avoidant. I’ve been mothering myself since I was five. ALL I wanted was to be loved and I was willing to work hard for it. It took me 25 years to realize my husband is a Dismissive Avoidant as well. Actually, I learned this term as I was trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Life is interesting. So much To learn!

This post hits. I lost my mom in 2011 when I was 23 and its been a winding, confusing, heartbreaking, and ultimately beautiful journey learning to mother myself because I had no other choice. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion work is what I come back to time and again: we refocus ourselves on its three tenets: choosing self-kindness over self-judgment, recognizing our common humanity (we’re all in this together) rather than isolation, and taking a mindful approach to our feelings where we neither minimize nor overidentify with intense emotions. These principles help ground my mothering and it’s been the greatest gift to channel my mothering through my own kids and to myself, knowing my mom is there every step of the way.

This is so beautiful, Joanna 💛!

A hack for mums especially is to model what you want your one-day grown up children to do. If you want your one-day 30yo child who is frazzled from their own children to take some time for themselves. Model that now. If you want your grown up sons to know that mothers and wives are humans who DESERVE space and time, then model it now. If you can’t quite feel deserving of it for yourself, model it for them. Their future selves and spouses will be happier for it.

I was never mothered as a child (I know many people here are in this club) so I constantly think about this and it’s been so healing. My go-to is giving myself a literal hug—crossing my arms over my body and giving myself a quick squeeze. I usually subconsciously picture myself now hugging myself as a seven year old or a teenager. It takes 20 seconds but does the trick.

I rely too much on treats and snacks to get me through the day or reward myself after a long day. I like the idea of parenting yourself bc your mother wants what’s best for you, and wouldn’t recommend you self medicate with carbs. Sugar makes me tired and it’s addictive and I shouldn’t be having it instead of dinner, it should be a supplement not a meal replacement.

I did not grow up in a very stable environment and wish I would have had more ‘mothering.’ It’s taken me a long while (plus therapy) to be able to do much in this realm, but its slowly improving. My latest ‘mothering moment’ is basically putting myself in ‘time-out’ when I an really overwhelmed or overstimulated. No phones, no screens, no thinking stressful thoughts for 20 minutes. Sometimes I’ll do a 20 minute yoga flow, other times listen to smoothing soothing with my eyes closed. Oddly very effective at mitigating meltdowns!

I’ve been reading a lot about “reparenting” yourself after childhood trauma, and it’s hard to picture how to mother myself because my Mom is a lot of things, but motherly isn’t one of them. I’ve been grappling with a lot of self loathing lately and struggling to comfort myself because my Mom would give us sweets instead of being there for us emotionally. I’ve caught myself thinking “I hate myself” so many times every day, which feels pathetic and ridiculous to admit, but it’s been really hard. But today I thought “I don’t have to hate myself anymore,” and it felt like such a relief. Being kind to myself feels impossible when I was told over and over and over how I’m lazy/ worthless/ have something wrong with me. But I’m trying! Also, turns out I did have “something wrong with me” – and it was ADHD! I saw a therapist on instagram the other day say that the darkest minds she’s seen in her practice are patients with anorexia or ADHD. Apparently being criticized constantly for something you can’t control makes you hate yourself. Go figure! So for anyone else with ADHD (or anorexia, or childhood trauma, etc etc) who might be struggling with this – you’re not alone. And we deserved better.

Yes, always reminding myself to drink water. 🤍 Sometimes I really put my hand on my heart, close my eyes, and say, “It’s okay, little one. It’s all right.”

I adore Jen Hatmaker so much. Already ordered tickets to her book tour stop in Dallas in Sept! Thanks for featuring her on this platform — can’t wait to read!

What a beautiful question! I mother myself through parenting advice I learned right here on Cup of Jo probably a decade ago — ‘just add water!’ -take a long shower -run your wrists under cold water for the length of a full song (this is also a great trick if you feel a panic attack coming on and can be done almost anywhere but privately!) -sweat with a hard workout -slowly drink a glass of water -run an ice cube over the back of your neck, collarbone, forearms, etc. -go on a walk as close as possible to a body of water (a river of trees or a lake of a field of flowers counts) -let yourself cry ‘Just add water!’ is up there with ‘babies be babies,’ the salmon flop (I am not remembering that one exactly correctly!), and ‘do it for Larry!’ – the hymns and recitations and inside jokes of this gorgeous, sparkly, warm, welcoming, loving community that mothers/parents one another so caringly and joyfully every day.

I like to look through magazines and cut out inspiring or comforting words and pictures and make a collage

Take gentle care of myself – food, water, sleep, hygiene. I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.

put your oxygen mask on first 🫶 🌼

It’s been a very hard, stressful month (I had a missed miscarriage, followed by my husband losing his job), and I’ve been leaning hard on my love of coffee to cope and as one of the small things that brings me joy. Today I realized that I’ve gotten up to 3-4 cups of coffee per day and realized this habit has probably tipped over from self-care into self-harm – I’ve been having nightmares, having a hard time falling asleep, and getting the jitters. I need to mother myself like I would my child – I wouldn’t let him have four cups of juice, so I shouldn’t let myself have four cups of coffee.

I have a rocky relationship with my mom, but I’ll never forget going home after a bad break up in college. I took a long hot shower, had forgotten pajamas in my heartbroken packing, had to borrow my mom’s nightgown, and then she brushed out my hair and put it in french braids while we watched bad tv (I think criminal minds?) with my sisters. I am trying to learn how to French braid my hair so I can give myself some of that love as needed. I’ve not mastered it yet, but slowing down and taking the time to brush out my hair just for the sake of brushing it helps in the meantime

I mother myself in front of my kids. The same things I say to them I say to myself, out loud, “I need to feed myself so I can feel better. I need an early bedtime tonight because I did not get enough sleep last night. I am in a funky mood so I am going to get myself a popsicle and go sit outside. You’ve got this , don’t give up. My body needs a walk. I haven’t been outside enough today. I am feeling like a treat would make me feel better.” Saying these words to myself helps my kids understand that their mom is human, that you can trust yourself to know what is best for yourself, and that it is important to take care of yourself. My favorite thing is hearing my kiddos echo my words to themselves. I can hear them building confidence in themselves.

When I had 2 babies under 3 years old, I heard a mom online talk about prioritizing drinking her coffee hot. At the time, I really didn’t feel like I had enough time in my day for self-care, but that mindset gave me permission to sit down at the table to eat my morning bowl of oatmeal while it was hot instead of constantly popping up to refill drinks or pick up spoons. I don’t have to be quite so defensive of my meal time now because the 5 year old knows how to fill up her own water cup and the 2.5 year old is very happy to drop something and pick it up herself.

Whenever I need to mother myself, I always seem to channel Marmee from Little Women. I picture her at the head of a table, looking in a loving way at all the different versions of myself (the anxious one, the angry one, the scared one, the one who just wants limes) and saying something like “Now girls, don’t spoil the day.”

What’s wild here is how much Anton looks like baby Anton!!!

I’ve been trying to figure how to mother myself this week when devastated by the sudden, unexpected death of a longtime (36 years) very close friend. I know she would tell me to pick myself up and go out for a walk. But it’s 95 here so it is short walks. I just feel consumed by massive grief and inertia with this great loss. Help!

Mine has been recognising that after a day in my new job, which includes 160 miles of driving and a 6 hour stint walking a hospital, I need to go to the gym when I get home. Not every day but at least some of the days. I need to move and unbend and shake off the day. Since I started to do Thai and do it in a way that I still see my family and cook them dinner( and eat it myself) I feel SOOOO much better. It feels incredibly selfish but so so so good. Sometimes we need to care for ourselves so we can take care of our others xxx

I became a mom in my late 30s, which is typical in a lot of places, but it’s older where I live. One clear advantage for me in being a little late to the parenting game: I had already mothered myself through a very difficult period after a traumatic event I endured. (Shoutout to EMDR therapy, too.) Then, I had mothered my mom through a two year decline from ALS. And mothered myself again, through pregnancy loss while my mom was dying. So, I sort of approached it in reverse. I learned to parent myself, then to my parent, and now that I get to apply those skills to parenting my child, it’s kind of a breeze. 😉 Not an actual breeze, but it feels familiar in a reassuring way. Oh, this? I’ve already got this down.

All of this speaks to having compassion for ourselves – something our highly individualistic and competitive society says is wrong to do. I often say to others, “does it make sense that you would feel this way given all you have experienced?” Our first response is to shame ourselves into believing we don’t deserve to ever feel anything but happy. Once we stop and realize it absolutely makes sense to be feeling the way we do – we can give ourselves space to acknowledge our distress and then find a way to alleviate it.

I was raised in an environment where I often had to work things out for myself, and didn’t realise how overwhelmed it made me until therapy. Now if both of my kids are screaming at the same time, or something has broken, or I have had some difficult news I say ‘you are able to ask for help any time, you are not alone, people love you and want to help you’ Sometimes I call someone, sometimes I work it out myself, but knowing I am not alone is the mothering part

I suffered severe chronic fatigue for nearly a decade, so I have found the sincerest form of love I can give myself is going to bed when I’m tired, even it feels way too early. Rest contributed to my healing, and I know it’s foundational to my ongoing wellness.

I heard her on a podcast years ago, where she shared a piece of advice a friend once gave her: Focus on “radical self-care”. Hydrate. Eat real food. Get sleep. Skip the alcohol. Just that was enough to start moving in the right direction and give herself something to “do”. I’ve thought about (and passed on!) that advice many times since.

Good time to share that my favorite (other) corner of the internet is the subreddit r/momforaminute where people can post things they wish they could tell their (ideal) mom, when wanting to share news, or needing reassurance, or asking questions, etc and others respond with all their highest self mom energy. it never fails to make me cry

This is such a tender question for me. My mother died when I was a child, and so I grew up “motherless”. I don’t have kids either, so the idea of mothering is like a distant land I’ve heard about but never visited. As an adult, I feel like I survived needing a mother, and so the idea of mothering myself now is unexpected. Your prompt has given me something to reflect on. When I think about mothers, I think about unconditional love, softness and safety. I will give some thought to how I can bring that to myself. Thank you for this lovely question!

I am not usually a fan memoirs, however I do have confess to getting a buzz of “You go!” cheer when a memoir outs a cheating partner. Honestly, why cheat? I will never understand. Just leave. The damage a cheater does can be so lasting.

I talk aloud to myself in a very mother-y voice, telling myself to have a cup of tea or stick my feet up or go and get the washing in…it is comforting. This from a woman who has just successfully managed to get some photos to load onto Facebook THE RIGHT WAY UP for once and who did it without yelling or threatening the phone with destruction. A year ago that would have been the scenario. Old dogs, new tricks.

I had to get up at 3am on Monday to catch a flight for a barrage of college tours across the country with my youngest. My oldest is home after a breakup. I vowed I would go to bed at 8pm. Come 8pm, both kids are crying. I went to bed and while they both came in for a quick hug/cry, I let myself go to bed and put on my oxygen mask first, or I would have been up until midnight having deep life conversations. I literally never, ever miss a chance to talk to my teens but as I go through this marathon week, I’m so glad I made an exception.