Welcome Back! How Are You?

Did you read all 4 of the books? The Neapolitan Novels. I was also late to the party and just read them this past year and loved the whole series. I’ve heard great things about the show too.

I finished the first and immediately started the second! I’m so happy there are more and more pages with them all!! (And if anyone uses hoopla, all four books are there free).

there is a danger to loving my brilliant friend and the whole series. first, you spend weeks/months immersed in that world and it’s hard to come out. second, if, like me, you enthusiastically lend out the first book to a friend thinking they will love it just as much, you wait for weeks/months/years to get it back because they are too embarrassed to admit they can’t bring themselves to read a book that intense/long! so now i’m waiting…and might just buy myself a new (used) copy.

Dana, Can you reach out here ? Where are you ? Maybe someone knows someone that can help? I’m wishing yo7 are the best.

I am so sorry, Dana. I know the feeling deeply – I lost mine in January (Trump). It’s been deeply demoralizing and hugely scary. I just keep using the word “adrift” – largely because I don’t want to say out loud “absolutely beyond terrified.” Just sending <3

I’m also on a job hunt in the non profit sector. I’m 44 and have worked my entire life since I’m 19-except for the past 7 months. I was working a federal grant that was eliminated when Trump was elected and poof…unemployed. Dana, it’s rough out here. You know that and I do too. Everyone, take care of your people. A good friend has sent me a 20 Venmo every couple of months for the past many months for coffee. It really means a lot. Little things to help too.

Hi friend — fellow educator here, and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Job hunting even in the most ideal circumstances is a nightmare. Sending you all the warm vibes and hope in the world. I’m sure you’re not looking for advice, but happy to continue the conversation here in the comments if you’d like to talk it through. Hugs.

Dana! I’m in the same boat. I’m sorry to read of your struggles, and I share them. I worked in social media for years, but I have aged out, it’s all video and tik tok and that ain’t me, and my redundancy in March was a bit of a death sentence, and not living in a major city means regular communication roles are few and far between, and heavily applied to. I hope you land something soon, it’s ROUGH. The only bonus has been reading a ton of books! I liked The Names, Nesting, the Emperor of Gladness and The Burrow

I don’t know why I clicked on the comments for this post as it is a few days old.. and yours was the first that I saw. I felt compelled to respond to you. You are not alone, Margaret. I have two tweens and a partner who has turned into a gaslighting alcoholic over the past 5 years… Or he was one and is just showing himself more since COVID, since #metoo, etc… I feel stuck because I can’t trust him with my children, but I know he will be awarded some custody in a divorce. So I stay. COJ has been my respite from him.

I am so sorry you are going through this Margaret and Anon. Sending lots of love. You may already have the supports you want, but if not Al Anon can be a great place (there’s no pressure to leave your partner) and I have to say some of my favorite people have been in AlAnon.

We did some international travel when our kids were small and my realization, at least for us, was: going to one place to visit relatives was great, but going to a new place to see new things was stressful. We needed the family help and predictability at that stage! Curious to hear from others!

I’d say do it and go now if your son is one. When my daughter was 11 months and I was still on mat leave (I’m in Canada), we went to Mexico for 6 weeks and traveled around. It was a great experience although of course there were lows along with highs. At the time I thought “I kind of wish I’d gone when she was younger” but it was still a good age to travel. She was happen being in the stroller for decent spans of time. She required less entertainment than she does now at 2 where I think if we ever took her to a museum she’d be like “I wanna go over there, let’s run into traffic”. She just started walking at the start of the trip but was mostly crawling and I let her crawl in lots of dirty places because she wanted to, she was always so dusty on that trip. In that way it would’ve been easier if she was walking rather than crawling, but as t least she wasn’t as fast as she is now! And it’s relatively easy to travel when they’re in diapers, gets harder now that we just potty trained and have to always be finding a bathroom wherever we go and hoping she doesn’t touch the toilet seat too much. I think it only gets harder until they’re probably like 7 (I don’t know what I’m basing that age on). But I know travelling with her now is a hell of a lot harder than at 1 so I’d just go if you’re feeling the urge to go!

I love traveling with my kids internationally. But it’s different. Your trip is slower, should not have a bunch of different stops and hotels. You will not eat in good restaurants. Pick a place and explore deeply for a week. We did one week in Barcelona with 7 year old twins and a 2.5 year old. We picked one thing to do each day, and let everything else flow. BTW, at 2.5 it gets better. I might wait until then for that flight to Rome! The memories are worth it and help shape your children, too.

You basically get to parent as you would at home but on the road. Jet lag is brutal but doable- just like parenthood!

We had a very difficult 10 day trip to Italy (Bologna and sicily) in the summer when my first was 13 months- the heat and separation anxiety did not mix for us. However, I took her to Iceland for a week a few weeks later and it was amazing. Car naps between stops and baby wearing for hikes was great, and I even ran a long training run in Reykjavik with her in the running stroller. It so depends on your kid and the style of travel you prefer . We are based in the EU so the flights were shorter but flying was often not so bad for us. We learned having one base for travel and not trying to do too much per day was preferable. Good luck!

We did a month in Europe with a 5yo and 2yo in the winter, I say go for it! Sure there will be some moments but helping kids learn to go with the flow and watching them try and do things they wouldn’t otherwise be exposed to is awesome. Don’t hold anything too tight like nap schedules and bring a great stroller or carrier. We found Europe to be very travel friendly for kids- play cars on trains, family rooms in airports etc. have fun!

This is my personal experience & opinion. You know your child best, but for us it was clear from the beginning that there would be no long-haul flights for the first at least five years or so. Our first flight was just after our kid’s third birthday, and during the two-hour flight we looked enviously over at some older kids silently coloring and then at each other saying “no flight next year!”. He was just so fidgety and over-stimulated by his surroundings (starting at the airport, of course) that Infelt sorry for him, and us. A friend took a 11-hour flight with her 18-mo-old recently and regretted that as well. You need to factor in time changes as well – all the kids in our immediate circle need days or even weeks to catch up with daylight savings time, going across 7 time zones would _not_ make them happy. And once at the destination, you might not be able to see all there is, but might end up going from one playground to the next. Rome is beautiful, there is so much to see, but depending on when you’re going, it might also be full and hot. I know my child would not handle that. But as I said, that’s my experience and I bet there will be many different :)

I think just before 1 year is easier than like the 14-20 month part, when they are more on the move and have big opinions etc. But everyone feels differently about all the stages. But if you decide to do it – Italy is the absolute best place to be with small children. Italians generally LOVE kids, you never feel like they are in the way or making too much noise. So often when my kids were little, the staff at restaurants would take my 8-month old off for a bit and just walk around and show him stuff so he was happy while we ate, and at one restaurant they brought my tired 2-year old a ball of pizza dough on a big plate to play with while we waited for our food. Genius! Italy is also always a good idea – I say go for it! We spend our summers in Sardinia and it’s hands down the best little corner of the earth, and late September or October is the best place to visit – highly recommend!

If travel is calling you I say go for it!! We took our 15 month old from Australia to Europe and while entertaining a little one on the flight was BUSY work, it was completely worth it and travelling was one of my favourite parts of early parenthood. We found Italy and France were wonderful for travelling with a baby – we just took everything a bit slower, paid for convenience when needed (transfers etc), and tag teamed a lot so we each got alone time to explore too. Highly recommend looking at a masseria in the Puglia region so you can still get moments of relaxation, slower travel, and plenty of day trips. Have fun if you decide to go! :)

I agree with Joanna! We had pandemic restrictions from ages 1-3 but for us it has been much better to visit one place where we have support from relatives. Kids get sick, jet lagged, bored / irritable, picky eating etc. the other thing that worked for us was beach destinations with family friendly resorts.

Hi Nikki! my husband and I brought our 2.5 year old to the south of France last year and had such a great time! He loved eating gelato every day and exploring the rocky beaches. Before that trip, his longest flight had been 3 hours, but he did incredibly well! We brought an ipad loaded with movies, coloring books, so many snacks, and, most importantly, a little inflatable bed that allowed him to stretch out on the seat and sleep for a solid chunk of time during the flight. We also learned, as others have said, that overplanning will be the death of you. We moved hotels/locations 3 times, and the logistics of it all were frustrating. This year we are headed to Portugal and will split our trip between two locations, though one is ideal, I think. Good luck and happy travels!

I had to reply since we flew from California to Rome with our son when he was just under two. We had a great time and would highly recommend it. I think there were three factors that really helped us: 1) having other family members come along for extra hands (ymmv but if you have family or friends who want to join that can make a big difference), 2) being wayyyyy less ambitious with our daily itineraries than we would have pre-kiddo, 3) pure luck that it all worked out with our kid’s personality, the weather, etc etc. Having previously been a “just bring a backpack or carry on for a long trip” kind of traveler, I originally tried to pack very light and am so glad I listened to the people who told me that it would be truly regrettable to just bring a carrier. Having a stroller was absolutely critical. It’s hot in Rome in the summer and you will want to put your kid down sometimes and walk without the heat of their body on yours. Also, gelato makes everything better! Wishing you wonderful travels!

Totally feel the pain. What shifted my thought process was agreeing that my typical intl vacation day is no longer going to be entirely about me, and what I want to do (or we adults want to do). Take the vacation, go for at least 10 days so you have some time around jet lag etc, get an Air BnB so you have flexibility on food, and don’t stress about the packing. Take what you need for 2-3 days, reach Italy and buy what you need (there are babies doing perfectly fine in Italy). Mostly, lower expectations and take naps during the day when baby naps if you want to (you resting is also part of the equation). At the end of the day, it is parenting in a different location, but having low or no expectations enhances the joy you can get from the trip. – Signed the parent of an almost 5 year old who did not have the luxury of traveling when flights were free (<2) due to Covid and ended up doing a flight from US to India as a first intl trip at 2.5y! We have taken many more trips since then and look for every opportunity to travel.

No advice on traveling with kids but if you are considering Rome, be aware 2025 is the year of the Jubilee– happens every 25 years and millions of pilgrims flock to Rome. Will be even more mobbed than usual I’m sure. Maybe postpone that particular city until 2026!

I personally swore off traveling with kids under 4. But! If you have an easy baby (you know one if you have one!) it could still be fun. If you want a proper vacation I would suggest leaving baby at home with your partner and going with your sister/friend. When I went to Portugal with my sister it was like time traveling back to my pre-kids self. It was amazing. And the kids had good bonding time with their other parent.

We took advantage of a low budget situation (work paid for my ticket and family let us stay with them) and traveled to Paris 3 times with our toddlers. It helped that the culture of the country we were traveling to is very welcoming to kids. It was also harrowing at points but worth it. It’s not going to be relaxing. Trip, not vacation! But really great to have our little experience a different culture and see their family <3

It can be crazy but I found it will always be worth it for the memories and new experiences if you really want to go now. Like others have said, we just had to lower expectations… expect to only do one thing a day, stay awhile in one place, go with the flow, visit kid-friendly places (so many playgrounds…but some European countries have some really fun ones). I definitely thought age 1 was better than age 2-3 when he was a super fast wandering toddler (still fun to travel but more stressful for me) and were lighter/easier to be carried. Depending on the kid, they can calm down around age 4-5ish.

Nikki, we traveled with our daughter starting around two. It was a great experience for us. We have been everywhere from international travel to weekend trips two hours away. Some things to keep in mind, we are a very routine oriented family. On vacation, the normally mandatory bedtime slides. Outside of that, our trips with a baby and now toddler/preschooler are pretty great. Contrary to others, we still eat at nice restaurants. If they offer us substitutions, awesome. If not, we encourage her to try something new. We just visited Chicago for the weekend (my husband is from there) and we ate at Monteverde. They could not have been more amazing about us having a 5 year old. The key is to keep it interesting to them. Our daughter loves nature and art. So we try to let her pick a few activities wherever we are going that centers on those things.

PS. And book nonstop flights if possible!

Ooh yes! I took my son to Croatia when he was 18 months old and it was such a perfect time to take him. He had just started to walk so he wasn’t super mobile and squirrely yet, and we had a really amazing time. It’s so worth it! We brought my mother in law with us, and having 3 adults to one toddler was ideal. But it was so special to bring my toddler along with us, see him experience new foods, new places, and new experiences. The biggest downside was he was still on 2 naps a day, so someone would have to stay back during a nap while others explored. Now that my son is over 2, I would NOT bring him overseas again for a while.

Loft! Xo

How INCREDIBLE was Ina’s memoir?? It blew me away. What a life she has lived! The title (and the advice therein) will stick with me for a long, long time.

Love this, Martha! I’m from Portland and going back soon to visit family. Thanks for doing good work for education! Gonna have to look up emotional support llamas when I’m in town! :)

Yes!

I loved that book!!

My all times favorite audio book!

One of my favourite books!

That book is delicious. I focused on 18th century natural history in graduate school and the novel was like all the academic writing distilled into beautiful, riveting prose.

I really liked that too! To my surprise because I wasn’t at all into Eat, Pray, Love etc. I still think about Alma from time to time and it’s over 10 years since I read it.

I think of that book every time I see moss, and it sends a little thrill through me each time!

Wow – I immediately opened Libby to get the audiobook and I’m on hold for the book from library based on these comments. I read a brief synopsis of the plot and I think this will be the perfect book to follow Braiding Sweetgrass!

you gotta share the tofu scramble recipe! I’m on a tofu kick too and just scrambled some with sesame oil, garlic, ginger and soy sauce to use in an eggroll in a bowl type dinner last night. so good!

Hali, here’s the recipe (print version): https://www.noracooks.com/wprm_print/the-best-tofu-scramble I’ve tried some scrambles at restaurants and never enjoyed them much. This one gets the texture just right.

thank you! I’ve actually seen this recipe but didn’t want to bother with the kala namak! i’ll go ahead and buy it now :)

I’m in the middle of This is Happiness right now ! Was just sitting on my sunny porch reading it before leaving for the library to pick up a hold. Jane Gardam’s Bilgewater. Just discovered her, read Old Filth and then found out it’s part of a trilogy !

I love T. Kingfisher! Those other two look very interesting. Thanks!

Somehow the first time I posted this reply, I attached it to the wrong comment. I meant to put it here. I find all three of these book recommendations intriguing. Thank you for sharing them!

This Is Happiness will be in my top 5 books for all time. Stunning in every way. I gift it to EVERY reader I know.

This is Happiness is one of the best books I have ever read. I recommend it to absolutely everyone!

Wow, Molly, that is so sweet!

Thanks for the great recommendations. I find all three intriguing.

This is so beautiful!

This is delightful. My town has done a fairy walk for the past few years where people create incredible little fairy houses that are placed along a creek that flows through town with a shaded, easy walking path. The very best thing is to just sit on a bench and watch the children. “Mama! Mama! Look! This one has stars! Lights! A tea set! A little dog! A tray of fairy snacks!! This one has bunk beds!” Little boys grabbing their little sisters hand and leading them along to the next wonderment. Parents taking a deep sigh and just breathing for a moment because their children are happy and content and not asking for anything.

I devoured The Names—such an intriguing read. It offered deep insight into intimate partner abuse, shedding light on why women stay and the lasting effects it can have on children.

This sounds like such a joy!

Right there with you, Hannah. I feel utterly lost and despondent.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X was Life changing for me. He is a hero of mine. I’m with you Hannah- it is hard to feel pure joy knowing that so many people are suffering needlessly.

How do you stay regulated knowing Trump is hosting/ feeding Netanyahu while families are being hunted down by ICE and people are blown into pieces in Gaza? I keep looking for the ones who are standing up for both- the Glastonbury concert, Bernie Sanders, Angelina Jolie, Juliette Binoche, the first flotilla, Joanna ( for allowing to post Gaza comments, God knows what she has to put up with for doing so), and the millions who were harassed, assaulted and arrested for trying to stop the live genocide. “ Mommy, what did you do stop fascism” from a poster became a North Star to stay present, peaceful and prioritize. Humanity is one body, Trump/ Netanyahu/ Modi is a cancer that we can’t afford to not stop.

I honestly don’t know Hannah, how anyone is coping. We went away for a week. No phones. No news. It was wonderful. I also felt guilty. Came back to the news of all those children in TX. In addition to all the horrors you’ve spoken of. I just broke down. Our brains aren’t meant to feel the sorrow of the entire world. But here we are. And living in unprecedentedly awful times in so many ways. I just don’t know how to cope other than to frequently check out, breathe, go for a hike. Come back, cry. Feel it all over again. As my therapist says, every single week, it’s the powerlessness, isn’t it? Yes. And the grief over so much suffering.

Sahar https://chuffed.org/project/127248-survival-funds-for-sahar-and-her-family-in-gaza Hanin https://chuffed.org/project/125573-help-basem-hanin-raise-survival-funds-in-gaza Iman https://www.gofundme.com/f/please-help-eman-rebuild-her-childrens-future/cl/s?v=amp14_t2&utm_campaign=fp_sharesheet&utm_content=amp13_t1-amp14_t2&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link&lang=en_US&attribution_id=sl%3A32c19c4d-0fb2-45c1-9ca9-c2ddbeb30578&ts=1752002166 Yousef https://gofund.me/0c03bdc2

Sometimes I’m in a work meeting and people are talking about blah blah blah and I’m thinking about the ICE Raids or the Supreme Court giving Tr*mp more power or Gaza, etc etc … and it all feels so surreal … like why are we going on and on about this meeting and sending emails etc etc when there’s so much tragedy and heartache happening? Like, who cares??? So yeah, it’s tough … But I know you can’t think about this stuff all the time or you’ll go crazy and it won’t help anyone … So I think it’s about trying to balance self care / joy and being informed / taking a stand / protesting / calling your reps. Going outside and staring at the trees helps … petting a dog … getting lost in a good book … a tough workout class. Sending love to all of us.

Hi Hannah, since January I’ve implemented Tuesday Newsday, where I save everything up to read on one day of the week. I’m keeping myself informed without being mired in it every single day. Also since January I’ve picked activism work in my city, state, and nation and make sure I do at least one thing every day (or, almost every day). My kids and my job are pretty demanding and time-intensive right now, and this has struck the right balance for me in these absolutely crazy, heartbreaking times.

I read Lies and Weddings last summer. It’s such a good summer read.

I just finished Lies and Weddings! I really enjoyed escaping into the extreme affluence. I wanted more extreme wealth (lol) so now I’m reading The View Was Exhausting- about a fake celebrity romance (or is it?!) and so far I’m enjoying it! True beach reads!

this sounds like a perfect summer!!!

Yes! That pasta looked amazing!

Hi Sarah, born and raised in Baltimore County. Now I’m living about an hour away in Carroll County, MD. Welcome and I hope you like living here!

Yes! My husband’s family moved from Seattle to Baltimore when he was in middle school; I’m from here. We have a gardening / landscaping business and play baseball. We don’t have AC so summer days like today are rough but there are lots of great pools and swimming holes around, and fall is the best season here (imo). Don’t sleep on the Waverly (32nd St) Farmers Market! (Every Saturday year round 7-12.) We live nearby and it’s great to also be surrounded by book stores… within walking distance there’s Red Emma’s, Normal’s, Urban Reads, Bird in Hand, and Greedy Reads (which also has a location in Fells I think). Baltimore has its rough spots but the sense of community, if you go out and participate in local stuff, is hard to beat.

Welcome to the east coast! I am from a surrounding county in Maryland, but grew up outside of Baltimore and lived there for a while in my 20s. There’s an incredible quirkiness & sense of community to the city that I truly miss SO much since I’ve moved away. -Check out the trash wheels in the Inner Harbor! Whimsical and fun for toddlers and grown ups & cool environmentalism https://tinyurl.com/5e22fy88 -American Visionary Art Museum in Fed Hill https://www.avam.org (and they do a kinetic sculpture race every spring!) -Mt. Vernon has the Walters Art Gallery, Peabody Institute, and great food/drink spots (Owl Bar in the Belvedere hotel is fun, Brewer’s Art) -Thrifting and shopping (and ice cream!!) in Hampden. (also the location for Hon Fest) -Camden Yards is a wonderful place, especially for baseball fans! -The National Aquarium is worth the entrance fee IMO, and they have membership options that are pretty reasonable if it’s something that could be a repeat activity. The Science center is fun too! -Eat all the seafood!! Lots of state parks with hikes and swimming nearby! Day trip to Annapolis, take a boat ride. Drive through the counties on a creamery tour for ice cream! Ah…enjoy! Can you tell I miss home? Good luck with the move!

+1 for Katie’s AVAM recommendation, it’s the BEST art museum! A total heartstealer.

book club for troublesome women is next on my list – doing a buddy read with a friend in another state!!!

Thank you all for the warm welcome and fun recs!! :)

someone was kind enough to compile this list for CoJ readers! https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vST9vnTffvzWtEbmU3kX_b3LDIoa6gVIsrUQAFMeiRABZN5Yh9A9tljHpoYCGunqBKomnMCiVvoLSWM/pubhtml

Please check out your local library! Many libraries offer access to NYT and other newspapers for free, and librarians love to recommend books. Don’t want to talk to anyone? There are probably great book displays set up and you can always browse the “new” shelf and see if your library has a “lucky day” section – hot new bestsellers that have no wait!

Hi Lynn! I’m a fan of Modern Mrs Darcy- she has a blog and podcast if you google her name- chock full of recs recent and from years past. I also love going to the library and seeing all the new books they get in- in Seattle they have “Peak Picks” which are current best sellers you can get right when they come out. Lastly, I follow some favorite writers on Instagram, Substack, etc and they often share books from fellow authors. Hope this helps!

I find new books from emails I signed up for from Bookclubs.com and Half Price Books.

From the twin cities cup of Jo meetup turned book club. You’re invited! Or from Libby- there’s a “similar books” button that’s been really fun, especially for kids’ audio books. Shout out to the Moffats and Magic marks the spot.

Adding another podcast- From the Front Porch with Annie B. Jones. I’ve found that her taste in books aligns with mine. I’m listening to older episodes which works for me because I prefer to read backlist paperbacks as opposed to buzzy new releases. I’ll always be a few years behind and I’m ok with that.

I always like to peruse Literary Hub’s collected reviews for new books: https://bookmarks.reviews/the-latest/

Adding to the book podcast: the Currently Reading podcast and Sarah’s Bookshelf Live. And I second the From the Front Porch pod. You might also consider a shelf subscription – Bookstores offer you choices based on your reading style, you sign up, and you get one book a month chosen by a bookseller. The Bookshelf in Thomasville GA is one option. Happy reading!

Yes to cancelling NYT!!!! The hit piece on Mamdani was the last straw, but failing to acknowledge genocide, bowing to T word, so much more…time’s up for New York War Crimes. And if you want something besides goodreads (owned by Amazon) check out Story Graph! I search books I’ve read and then search through the “related” and get great recs.

Your local indie might have a newsletter! Or just subscribe to one not local to you – like Oblong books for example. You can also go to indiebound.org and find their picks (Indie Next list, kid Indie Next list, etc) – they’re always finding new release highlights! And go to your local library (or nypl.org) and check out their staff picks or summer reading lists!

And maybe this goes without saying, but my favorite way of finding a new book is to browse a local bookstore and see what great shelf-talkers catch my eye!

I always look for book award lists and start there after looking up their book reviews online. But also, Obama, Reese Witherspoon and Oprah all put out reading lists or have book club rec’s that are pretty reliable. They are all super busy and are not going to waste time on books that are not remarkable, is my line of thought!

NPR’s Book Concierge! https://apps.npr.org/best-books/#view=covers&year=2024 I like to go a few years back where the library wait lists are likely to be a little shorter and then go nuts requesting!

I usually ask at the bookstore, plus shopping at secondhand bookstores helps reduce choice paralysis. I’ve picked up some wonderful books completely at random.

If you don’t have a local independent bookstore you like, you could sign up for newsletters from my favorite local bookstore: https://bookshopsantacruz.com/ They ship everywhere!

Your local library will likely have newsletters with lists and other ways of making suggestions! Many of my finds are through other reviewers on Good Reads who have similar tastes. It takes some patience to find them (start by looking at reviews for books you felt strongly negative or postive about) but such a great way to discover new books once you do.

+1 for eff the NYT. They bear so much responsibility for the sorry state of our nation. I used to work the front desk at a public library and I gsve book recs all day long, every day. We see what gets checked out, we shelve what’s new and everyone’s excited about. Personally, I just hit the new shelves and look for an interesting cover, a female author, a poc author, if I’m not looking for a particular title. I’ll also peruse authors I’ve liked before to see if there’s a title I’ve missed. And I hit up the little free lending libraries all over too. Sometimes you find a gem.

Do we know if anyone also made a wonderfully beautiful and useful spreadsheet of the romance recommendations? This community continues to be astonishing! <3

Brava, Chiara. (one of my all time favourite names)

I took a class with a really good teacher a couple of years ago. He is from Milano, based in Sweden and in my group we were three Swedish women, a couple of American women living in Italy, and a couple of American in the US, and a British lady. All online, lots of actual talking with gentle correction. A really great class. I’m @minipiccolini on Instagram if you want contact details!

If you’re looking for a teacher, I can’t recommend Preply enough. It’s an online platform with a great variety of teachers. I’m learning French and I lucked out with the first teacher I tried but everything about the experience has been top-notch

I’m so glad we could offer a proper getaway. I’m guessing that you and/or your husband are originally Canadian if the boys’ grandparents are, but have you been to the East Coast yet? I’m an Ontarian myself, but what I wouldn’t do for a bit of their hospitality right now. And seafood. Yup, I need to hit the road, too.

You’ve got this! I wish I was building an massive art project in Portugal while my partner renovates a rental property, lol! And only across the street! You are living the dream : ). But maybe go get a full body massage…I just had one and it was soooooo necessary. It was so expensive it hurt ($180 PLUS tip) but it really felt amazing and I’m so glad I did it.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a challenging transition to parenthood. I’m glad your sweet baby is thriving and hope you get good support with all you are going through. Sending good wishes to you and yours 💕

That is a lot to hold. Sending you love. Anastasia is a beautiful name!

I’m so sorry it’s been such a rough road for you. That sounds so hard. I’m recently postpartum – my son is 3 months old today! I had to have an emergency C under general, so I wasn’t awake to meet him. I’ve had a lot of postpartum health issues and it’s just been so hard. Reading your journey made me feel sad because it’s sounds so tough. It is too much and you’re doing an amazing job. I’m wishing you and your daughter (and Husband and dad) all the best, I am so sorry this season has been so hard. Sending hugs from Melbourne Australia.

Hi Arielle, I’m so sorry so many hard things hit at once. I don’t have many words of wisdom other than the fact that you adore your baby girl is clear – she’s lucky to have you as a mama. Regarding your dad’s diagnosis, there’s a free service for familial caregivers (yes, 100% free for familial caregivers) called Steadii. Full disclosure – I am a caregiving advocate with them! But I love working with them. If you’re interested, I highly recommend you check it out.

Hi Court— thanks for the Community Foundation link, I just donated. Heartbreaking tragedy and there is little we can do but try to stand by one another these days and build community (even from afar… I live in Seattle). Just wanted you to know your recommendation made an impact.

I just started reading it!

oooh, that does look good!

ugh can I be your neighbor please those sound delicious

You are a safe space in these crazy times. I absolutely love this line, it’s so true. You really are my regular dose of sanity, thoughtfulness, and happiness. X

The Cleaner is so stinking funny. Have you seen Task Master? Omg, give it a try if you haven’t. Also, the Cleaner episode with the pregnant lady is just so ridiculous and irreverent and inappropriate and just brutally funny. A safe space indeed. ❤️

I haven’t seen Task Master but adding it to our list! Thanks for the recommendation :) And we just finished the pregnant lady episode of The Cleaner and were dying laughing, lol. So good!

This is one of my all-time favourite books! I started with Crow Lake and then read everything else Mary Lawson has written. Recommend them all, but Crow Lake was best.

wow such a story!! so glad it came out and she’s ok!

Our son choked at a restaurant and NO ONE acted. They just watched. My husband made obvious life saving moves and the waiter didn’t even come over to make sure he was okay. This training, and the playing the scenarios out for prepared action, is so important.

I liked The Wedding People so much I got 2 more of hers out of the Library : Notes on Your Sudden Disappearance and The Adults. All so good. I love Bob’s Burgers. :)

I just started this book today and already postpone all my chores for the evening for time with my dog on the couch (and in the a/c!) with some popcorn to continue reading! I am grateful to writers who are writing all these great books to help me escape the realities of life from time-to-time.

hahaha they’re from Warby Parker — the Carrick glasses :)

Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss, Katie. Riggins is an amazing name for a dog. He sounded so sweet. xoxo

Katie! I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so awful to lose a dog. We used to have a chocolate lab and they are indeed the best. And my husband and I hope/plan to eventually get a couple of labs again and name them Riggins and Garrity. Texas forever! Big hugs to you.

I’m sorry for your loss too. I lost my best-friend dog 2 years ago and it left a huge hole in my life. Hard also when lots of people don’t recognize the loss of a pet as a “real” loss. I even moved away from some human relationships after their lack of support around it.

i’ve been really enjoying The Road to Tender Hearts. it’s a fun, easy read and I really love the characters: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-road-to-tender-hearts-annie-hartnett/21789907

Congratulations an your pregnancy (twins!) and fingers crossed for you on your promotion. As an almost 50 year old someone who loved Sandwich, it sounds like you might need to put it down and return to it in 15 or 20 years! It sounds like you might not be in the sandwich era of your life yet to fully appreciate it! :) Enjoy those babies and toddlers and all the estrogen in your system for as long as you can!!!

Nectarines are my favorite part of summer, and I love a daily yogurt nectarine bowl too! Congrats and good luck with your growing family Katrina!

I have 3 year old twin girls. It’s an incredible and amazing ride and you’re going to be fantastic. Congrats and all the love!

I did not like that book at all!! I thought the dynamic of the mother and the daughte4 was in appropriate and weird . I couldn’t wait for it to be over

I wish I could come over and bring salad and cheese and bread for dinner and give you the biggest hug, Beth xoxo

Oh Beth – I feel this hard today. I work in the US government and its so hard now. I just found out my best team member is leaving due to the recent changes to our work, mission – we had a good cry together about the future. I had massive internet/connectivity issues at work today leading me to ask myself why I’m staying. Its so hard. Just telling you I see you, today.

Ooph on foreign aid. I work in global health- and was terminated in April. It’s so sad and terrifying to watch this amazing sector full of kind-hearted helpers go up in flames. I would love to give you a hug too…and speed eat cheez-its with you. XX

That’s a rough go Beth. I second Jo! I hope things get better and I’m sending good vibes your way.

I feel overwhelmed too, it’s hard to see anything as normal right now.

Oh that is a lot! But your “speed eating Cheez its” comment made me chuckle and I really needed that today! Finding moments to giggle in these dark times feels like a gift to ourselves doesn’t it?

love this idea — we have done a few but not for a while — I’d would love to do more, especially more directly about the subject: https://cupofjo.com/tag/autism/ thank you, Alice!

Hey, since you’re already collecting ideas… Raising bilingual/multilingual kids is a topic close to my heart. My kids are bilingual and we have quite some families around us whose kids speak 2 or 3 languages and everyone is doing it differently, with different success and also different expectations. Would be great to read more about this.

My daughter was just diagnosed with Autism. It has made so many things clearer, but the road ahead feels uncertain. What does next year look like? Will my girl find her people? I’d love to hear from others who have walked this road.

My kids are all neuro typical, but we were discussing how it can feel scary to approach someone that seems different than them (my kids are young)…but how it’s so important to reach out to kids who have autism—they need friendship just as much as you do!!. I told them that they could ask their teacher to help them say hi if it made it a bit easier. my 5 year old said the sweetest thing that made me burst into tears and want to share…she said, “when you do that, it’s kind of like planting a tree in heaven” I don’t know what that means exactly, but thought how beautiful it was that she made that image out of the conversation. I would love to read an article to better understand these families.

if you do the bilingual one, please keep in mind the many, many kiddos who are growing up in bilingual homes without privilege or even intention and face the world with a different heart language than their parents. we may know a few teens in brooklyn who’d be willing to be interviewed.

@Nana- there is a book titled Parenting With An Accent that addresses the challenges of parenting multilingual families. By Masha Rumer. It’s hard! Harder than people think.

The show “Atypical” has been so eye opening and heartening as I navigate my neurotypical teenager grow up. He said “this is so good” as we watched it one night and reminded my worrying heart all will be okay if we can have understanding for others no matter what.

re: autism, the Netflix show, Love On The Spectrum. Even though this is about young adults with autism, it is so inspiring to see how far many of the cast have come, according to their parents and the entire show is super heart-warming as well as eye-opening. I don’t have anyone in my life with autism but I absolutely Loved this show and have watched several times because who doesn’t love a romantic quest and these people bring a fresh breeze to the entire endeavor. I loved it and feel like it would be very inspiring for parents of autistic children to watch.

I made a big career change in my 40s, but a complicating factor for me was that I had to maintain my income, since I’m primary breadwinner. A few thoughts – I felt really really stuck at first. Then I realized that I was really only contemplating a couple of “logical next steps” and that they both left me completely cold. So the thought process would go “I want something new. Ok, A or B? Neither! Ok, guess I’m stuck!” Once I finally recognized that pattern, I realized that I had to lift my head higher, and look out farther (imagine a prairie dog) and see what else was out there. So for a while, I just spent time every week surveying the possibilities – listen to your gut. I am a big Martha Beck fan, and she calls it the body compass. Basically, pay attention to the “Yes!” and “No!” messages you feel in your body. When I first encountered the field I would eventually jump to, my whole body said “yes!” But I wasn’t used to trusting that, so I kept looking. I had one interview (closer to my original A/B possibilities) where I literally had a stomach ache at the end of a half hour interview. I realized that’s how I would feel every day in that job, and I withdrew my candidacy. – pay attention to when and where you feel really ALIVE. For me, it was reading my creative writing at open mics (yes, theater kid here). Then I found ways to do that connected to my work – I started doing public speaking, and eventually teamed up with some colleagues to run a presentation skills program for the whole dept. – two things that seem opposite but are actually complimentary: be patient (and practice being kind to yourself as you do that) because big life changes can happen slowly. And also dive in! Once the opportunity is in front of you, dive in, dive in!! – I’ve made it sound rosy, but the truth is I also had to work with a therapist, because the whole thing made me so anxious. I’m so glad I did. She helped me to learn that I don’t have to push myself every hour of every day. I can pull the throttle back sometimes, to let things (including feelings) settle. Ok, I hope there’s something here that’s useful to you! I just passed the 3 year anniversary of my new job, I find my work fascinating, I’m up for a promotion, and I’m still winning bread! My best wishes to you in your search!

8 interviews and an assignment? How utterly unfair. Some employers need to chill.

Wow, what an exciting time! I made a career change in my early 30s, zero advice other than: trust yourself. Keeping a very good thought for what’ll unfurl for you! (:

I made a career pivot in my 40s! I was considering a career change but in the end, taking a planned work sabbatical, doing some exploratory consulting projects, volunteering, and a lot of informational interviews helped me land where I am now. All of this happened because I worked with an AMAZING career coach I highly recommend to anyone looking to do deeper work around your career path. The person I worked with is https://www.penneyleadership.com/ but I’m sure there are many others.

Wow, Suz, this resonated so much! I literally wrote “Expand your sense of the possible” on an index card to tape above my computer two days ago. And I’m also a HUGE Martha Beck fan. I even got to go to a workshop with her last October. I need to go through my notes when I was there because there were so many gems. You hit the nail on the head – I’ve felt very trapped, especially when looking at job boards and know I need to be searching for some curve ball the universe has in store for me. And thank you for the reminder that I don’t have to be figuring this out 24 hours a day. It’s hard to let myself take a break and recharge.

Oh – what a liminal time. So full of potential. As a life coach I have walked alongside many women in this space and I sometimes liken it to giving birth – and the main thing to do is trust the process. I have seen so many women come into their own in a big way in their 40s and the main thing I say to women who reach out to me (or like you are here) is that they didn’t contact me because they are trying to make something happen – they reached out because something is *already happening* and it’s going to happen whether they work with me or not. It’s nice to have a midwife – but nothing will stop the birth or your next chapter. Have fun, trust yourself, it will unfold just as it should. You’ve got this. Big hug.

Love this thread. I’m in my 40s with young kids and my career is a mess – for complicated reasons I basically need to start over completely. I would LOVE a posted highlighting the wisdom and bravery of women who have navigated similar obstacles and lived to tell the tale

That sounds hard, Sarah!! I made a complete career switch at 35 and got my master’s. It was super difficult, but I feel so lucky to be in the position that I am!! There is freedom in going in a completely different direction and it sounds like you have a partner too which is amazing!! Hugs to you, you got this!! ❤️❤️

I don’t have any advice but I am going through so much change now (yes – I’m in my 40s) and know I want/NEED to change careers but don’t even know where to start. So just wanted to say I’m here for this thread/topic.

This reminded me of a podcast I recently listened to: aparently it’s not than uncommon for perimenopausal women to take a huge leap from their careers and start something compeletly new. I guess it can also be the case of children reaching a certain age, when parents aren’t the primary focus of their lives…but the idea was our rain chemistry starts changing and our priorities shift and we kind of come into ourselves more.

BLTs with a garden fresh tomato? I die – those are gonna be so delish. And i hear you on the news..it’s been so dang bleak, to say the least.

I love Claire Lombardo and wholeheartedly agree that they are a bit long, but so enjoyable. There are so many moments of motherhood, marriage, and family life where I feel seen.

i read the most fun we ever had quite some time ago and loved it; however, i would need to read it again to seriously discuss. i will put her newest book on my library reserve list. also, envious of your book club. i have been wanting to join one for ions. enjoy your summer!

With tomatoes?? Oh, yes please. I’m eagerly awaiting them to pop in my father’s garden so that I can raid, ha!

Tenley, good for you! It *is* so hard sometimes, but you never know unless you try. I feel like lots of people (possibly including myself?) would not do this brave thing. They would just agonize about it and wonder and expend a lot of emotional energy without ever learning that “we want different things,” which is a totally logical thing to want. This stranger on the internet applauds your emotional maturity.

one of my summer books (tell me everything by elizabeth strout, joanna’s fave re: olive kittredge — just finished it and i loved it) addresses this whole situation — great friends who start mayyyybe wanting more and then eventually…they land on being friends. i think it’s a very common thing in life…it’s happened to just about everyone i know. and i’m not sure couplehood is always the correct outcome. (i even hate the ending of when harry met sally! i always thought they should just stay the best of friends.). good luck navigating back to pure friendship and i hope it all works out. xo

Awww sorry to hear that! I’ve been there before and yes it can really be hard to transition from platonic to romantic. But you tried, which is wonderful! I hope what you’re looking for shows up in the near future.

Unanswered questions are the absolute worst. Good on y’all for getting that sorted out. I hope you can retain this friendship forever and use this knowledge to inform your ideal romantic relationship. (I’d totally feel that ache, too, though – I tell myself that being sensitive is a bonus for others, even if it works to our detriment sometimes. *hugs*)