Have a Good Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? We’re hosting Anton’s 12th birthday party at a pool, and I can’t wait for cannonballs and Marco Polo. And thank you for the wonderful comments on this post — this community makes me feel hopeful. If you’re protesting this weekend, stay safe and know your rights. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Pulitzer Prize-winning Barbara Kingsolver, of Demon Copperhead, tells us what people get wrong about Appalachia, how she talked to a ghost, and her three favorite books. Omg I love her so much.
Also, her garden is magical!!!
The perfect daytime dress and nighttime dress.
Will you be seeing the new rom-com, Materialists? It’s gotten mixed reviews, but this anatomy of a scene, narrated by director-writer Celine Song, is really fun to watch. (NYTimes gift link)
It’s hard to believe this statue in Rome was made of marble.
“My powerful, impossible wish for my baby to look like me.”
Did you know there’s a Knit in Public Day”? Love the image, which reminds me of women laughing alone with salad.
Turkey burgers, yummmmm.
The easiest way I’ve found to get silky soft skin.
30 delightful hotels in Europe for under $300/night. But I’d be way too claustrophobic to stay in a City Hub. (NYTimes gift link)
How cute is this robot bar cart? You could make a slushy paper plane.
Cole Escola being hilarious, as always.
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Alex on dad’s rules for life: “When I was a teenager, I was really struggling getting a piece of Saran Wrap. My dad, who can do/fix/know ANYTHING came in and coached me: ‘Rip with confidence!’ The whole family laughed, but what do you know, off came the most pristine piece of Saran Wrap you’ve ever seen. So, for the last 30 years, whenever one of us is struggling with something big or small, someone inevitably repeats that advice. We say it jokingly, but it really works! Nervous about a work presentation? ‘Rip with confidence!’ Scared to give birth? ‘Rip with confidence!’ Don’t have any idea what you’re talking about but want other people to think you’re a genius? ‘Rip with confidence!’”
Says Karen on five pick-me-ups: “Amen to women helping women help other women. What can’t women do?! Literally nothing, I love us. xoxo”
(Photo by Maryanne Gobble/Stocksy.)
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Comments
160 comments“Rip with confidence!” is pure gold! The other saran wrap tip I swear by: Hold it upright (like a paper towel roll). For some reason it’s so much easier when you’re just ripping (with confidence!) downward.
I appreciate your sharing Ruthie Ackerman’s essay about conceiving via egg donor. I found out a few weeks before my 36th birthday that I only had a 2% chance of ever having a genetic child of my own. Though my first donor egg pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks, I am hopeful eventually we’ll have a baby, even though we won’t share genetics. Genetics are not a requirement for love. I still feel pangs of sadness over our journey and wonder why mine has to be so different from everyone else’s. But reading articles like this and seeing them shared via Cup of Jo makes me feel seen, represented, and included in the conversation about motherhood.
That Romper article on donor eggs and appearances caught my attention. I’m the result of a donor sperm (from the ’80s, when you didn’t get to choose or know the source), and growing up people frequently said I looked like my dad—which I always found amusing. I think part of it is that people make an assumption and, in a way, seek out the similarities that confirm their assumption (all the funnier since both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown, a genetic impossibility; no one caught on, or those who did politely kept it to themselves). But maybe it’s also a nurture piece at play—kids learn their mannerisms and gestures first from their parents. If it’s any comfort to parents of kids who aren’t genetically related, I never experienced any dissonance about my relationship to my dad after they told me (wisely, the summer before 9th grade, when they knew I’d be learning about dominant/recessive genes in Biology). As a kid, I saw my parents as my parents, genetic connection or not. Still do.
We visited the Borghese Gallery in Rome last summer. Bernini’s sculptures and others in the collection are truly unbelievable in person. If you are lucky enough to visit Rome , skip the overcrowded Vatican Museum and visit the Borghese instead!
i only watch like 3-4 movies a year, (and no other TV) and i have found that this “withdrawal” makes the few I watch waaaaay more intense, like smoking tobacco with the same frequency. I feel like an old time person discovering cinema for the first time. Sometimes this experience is on an airplane: for example, I watched Parasite on a transatlantic flight and was over the moon/edge of the seat. I have a flight coming up and have downloaded Past Lives, really looking forward to this and probably having a good cathartic cry-in-the-dark-plane
I find this very interesting and am curious :) I am really considering cancelling my internet at home (I would still have it on my phone) just to experience how much more time I would have/make for stuff I really want to do, … and to watch movies because I want to and not because I am doodling about. I realised my attention span with reading books got shorter and shorter, so I try to practice reading more (and I would definitely get better without having the internet around.) COJ, if you would want to, could you do a feature on this topic?
such a good movie.
Hey Charlotte I encourage you to try this! I certainly read a lot more than I would otherwise. I read paper books but also use Books app on my phone – it might not work for everyone but I find it encourages me to read even more. And it’s really fun to experience cinema as a drug – every so often , whether on the plane or let alone an actual theater (wow). Also I like that my kids know mom doesn’t really watch TV. They might make different choices but at least they have a model….
I came back to add, Charlotte – yes paying 4.99 to “rent” a movie makes me super intentional about what I choose and again, watching movies a special occasion for me. My partner has a more traditional relationship with Netflix and is complaining to me about having nothing to watch, despite having infinite things to watch.
Thank you for sharing Ruthie Ackerman’s essay on egg donation. It is now quite possible that we will go down that path in order to have a child, and I would love to read more about these experiences here, if possible. In our part of the world, it is still something of a taboo, which makes it difficult to hear honest reflections and stories—whether from egg donors or recipients. One of my earliest concerns, which the essay captures so well, was the sadness I felt at the thought that my child wouldn’t inherit my curls. :) As I’ve started to make peace with the idea, another question that arises is how—and whether—to share this choice with friends, family, or the wider world. I would love to see this discussion unfold here. Personally, I’m in favor of being open about it for various reasons. My husband agrees, my parents disagree and would like us to keep it a secret instead. It’s not always easy to navigate people’s reactions (ranging from shock to, at times, unkind attempts to hurt) especially from those who don’t realize how common this path actually is.
Secrets infer shame, my opinion is always that the family unit is a trusted safe place. You can’t protect your kids from hurt but you can be an honest, kind and reliable place to fall. Now whether or not you share that info with the world could be left to your babes. Tell them early and then let them decide. It’s their story after all.
Hi Eirini! I am a mother to a four year old son conceived via egg donation. I am generally very open with the story of my infertility story, however I tend to go with whatever feels right in the moment. I am generally more open with people similar in age and I always share my story if I think it could help someone else — and it has. I have two friends who have since started families via donation! The most important thing is to be open with your child and in speaking with others about your story, you model how normal all of this is for your child. We own several books that open up the conversation for my son’s origins and I bring it up with him periodically but he has not had any interest in the topic yet. There are amazing resources out there for parents considering donation. Explore them all! Regarding resemblance, everyone says my son looks just like his dad and sometimes they will apologize and say they don’t see me at all. When I look at my son, I just see him and the unique person he is! Our personalities are similar. When picking a donor, I tried to pick someone who seemed like a thoughtful person in her questionnaire responses, a characteristic I value in myself. I do regret not having more information about the donor to share with my son in the future. As a rule follower I did not attempt to screenshot pictures of the donor or her questionnaire answers. I wish I could go back in time and save those things for my son if he is ever curious.
If it helps, I too wanted my children to inherit my hair color and curls… one got neither and the other got only the hair color, their hair is stick straight! So even biologically we can’t predict. Congratulations on expanding your family, however you can! You seem like a lovely person.
My wife and I have undergone IVF with donor sperm (“male factor infertility”). Since we have always known that we would need to use donor sperm we have spent a good amount of time reading the perspective of donor conceived children and through this learning have discovered that age appropriate transparency with the child and others is the most pyschologically safe route. It will be no secret to our children that they are donor conceived (lesbian moms!) and we plan to empower them with as much information as they would like. Sending you and your partner care & love. IVF can be so brutal and lonely.
Hi Eirini! So exciting that you’re thinking about taking this route. Science is so AMAZING that this is an option, and that it is often so successful. I have two children, a 6 year old daughter made with my and my husband’s egg/sperm, and a 2 year old son made with a donor egg. I, like Lauren H., tend to take the decision on whether or not to disclose on a case-by-case basis. I thought that I would be really hesitant to share about our journey to conceive my son, but I’ve found that actually I really like talking about it. I do this for several reasons. I want to normalize the idea that babies can come from all different places. I want to honor and spotlight the work and time and money and effort that it took to conceive my son. And sometimes I want to shut down the people who make dumb comments about how he doesn’t look like me (neither does my daughter, who *is* biologically related to me!) But we spoke to a therapist while going through the donor process who said we *owe* no one an explanation. And so sometimes, I just don’t disclose! I look forward to the time when we can share with my daughter and son about how they were both made. And my son has the choice to reach out to the donor himself when he’s 18, if he’d like. I’d love if he does, just so I can thank her for the gift she gave to me, especially. But in the meantime, I’m not thinking about how my son’s eyes are blue and mine are brown when he’s asking for me the minute he wakes up in the morning. Sending love to you as you begin the process!
My son is the product of neither my nor my husband’s genetics — a dear friend invited us to give life to an embryo her and her husband had from their IVF journey. Our blue-eyed, strawberry blond kiddo doesn’t closely resemble us, with our dark hair and dark eyes, but to us he’s a perfect fit to our family. There’s so much more to family than genetics.
Re: the Saran Wrap story. Whenever I was driving with my dad in the car, if needed to get into or out of a tight spot, I’d say something like, “Can I make it?” and he would always say, “If you go fast enough.”
We used to have to wait for a train pretty frequently, when driving when our girls were little. My Juan’s would say excitedly to them “should we jump it girls? Think we can make it?” He’d rev the engine (of the minivan lol) and they’d squeal in delight. It was my job to be Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane and mutter “them Dukes them Dukes them Dukes”. And then dad would sing Good Ole Boys…. My girls had no clue… but The Dukes of Hazard were such a core childhood memory for the two of us.
re women laughing alone with salad—- a better link to the meme is this story by carrie frye where she talks about the genius of edith zimmerman’s original hairpin, including this joke ( and explains why the original url is so wack now— the domain registration accidentally lapsed and was purchased by someone who has ai-sloppified it. sad!) https://flaminghydra.com/women-laughing-alone-on-the-internet-2/
A resounding YES to the exfoliating mitt! I had never heard of this until I watched a video of a lovely woman talking about the importance of these (she used exfoliating gloves) and I tripped on my way to buy some. What a game changer!
The marketing for Materialists is all wrong. I found it sociologically fascinating but felt no chemistry between any of the leads. I enjoyed it, it was just much more serious and cynical than I anticipated.
Same!!! I found it really slow and boring 🙈🙈
Agreed, no chemistry (which I get was the point with Lucy and Harry). And I wasn’t sure about Dakota Johnson, or else I didn’t like the lead all that much. It just didn’t do for me what I had hoped.
Same, I sorta hated the movie. It was advertised as a rom com but I found it neither funny nor romantic?!
I agree with the advice about meeting the child first before naming him or her. I don’t why but I could not be sure before meeting them. For my daughter, I asked the midwife to leave us alone before giving them her name. I needed this brief moment where we were able to watch her, welcome her and say, yes, this is her name.
One culture, I cannot recall which, waits an entire YEAR before naming the child!
My daughter went days without a name. We didn’t agree on a name until day 4, when we went home from the NICU without her. (We brought her home day 6 and she’s great now!) My son went TWO WEEKS without a name, because we couldn’t agree. The hospital staff would have preferred we name him before leaving, but we had to get to know him to come to an agreement.
I have a big painting of my dad ( he passed 4 years ago August) above my sofa. He and my stepmom had them painted when they were married in the 80’s by a friend. I get see him every morning ( we don’t know what happed to my stepmom’s, we think turned evil girlfriend that came later threw it away)say hello. Sometimes I talk to him. My sister and I had the honor of caring for him for a couple years before he passed. His , seemed nice as first, but turned evil girlfriend was not helping him. We took over, moved in ( she was not happy) organized his medication , cooked him healthy meals, made sure he had visits with his friends and loved him. He got better for a while and I truly believe he lived a longer, happier life because of it. He was able to stay in the home he loved and we were able to be with him when he passed. I-have a lot of respect for death now ( our culture does not know how to honor it)and do not fear it.
This is so beautiful
“Scared to give birth, Rip with confidence ” I am Crossing my legs and shuddering . 😂
Haha! They’ll sew you back up and eventually you’ll forget you ripped :D
And if you experience ongoing pelvic floor dysfunction (pain from daily living or penetrative sex, weakness, prolapse, hemorrhoids, peeing when you didn’t mean to) you can see a pelvic floor-speicalizing physical therapist to get help for the traumatized tissues and rebuild musculature. Because that happens too. And we don’t have to live with these conditions forever, even if others in our generation and generations past did.
I stayed in CityHub during my no-fly interrail month in Europe last summer. It was fantastic! I’m claustrophobic but it was not at all uncomfortable. I wish we had one in London so I could recommend it to friends who visit.
On the subject of European travel, does anyone have any suggestions for airbnbs or vrbos in London? We are hoping to travel there this summer and need 2 or three bedrooms and would love any reccs!! Thanks
These are not cost conscious unfortunately, but I have used both London Perfect and Paris Perfect (same company) for pre-vetted, gorgeous apartments. They can also arrange airport transportation.
Re: knitting in public— I work in a small hospital where until recently the physician lounge was a total old man’s club. They hired my entire group of female women’s health providers, so we now also use the lounge. One of the male doctors made the most misogynistic comment about how he hated hearing “women talking and knitting” in the space where he used to blast Fox News. Keep on talking and knitting, women!
Knit and Natter! See also: https://localtrust.org.uk/big-local/how-to-project-guides/knit-and-natter/
Poor old dinosaur. Boo hoo. Carry on ladies! I love this for you!
it’s really cool to read that article and also hear from some other commenters about donor conceived children as someone who has often considered donating her eggs but has mixed feelings and some similar concerns as the writer of the piece! So interesting and lots to think about…
As the mom of the most amazing kid conceived via a donor egg–thank you for even considering becoming an egg donor. My daughter is both my daughter through and through, even if we don’t share the same genes, and also wholly her own person. When she was born, I had an almost immediate sense of having met her before–she was already so familiar to me, despite our lack of genetic connection. I am so incredibly grateful to the anonymous egg donor who made her possible. Admittedly, it does still give me pause to see how much she resembles the childhood photos I was given of her egg donor, but at five she has already picked up a lot of my mannerisms and I’m occasionally told how much she looks like me. This road to parenthood is not without questions, as someone else said, and not for the faint of heart–but maybe that’s parenthood in general. Thanks for linking to Ruthie Ackerman’s piece, and thanks to the other commenters; it’s great to see this journey being talked about and normalized.
Thank you for all your thoughts on my essay – and your vulnerability about donor eggs. I often say that there is so much I was worried about before using donor eggs but now that my daughter is here, my overwhelming feeling is gratitude. She is mine through and through whether or not she resembles me! I’m s glad that my memoir can help break down some of the shame and silence around using donor eggs.
Meg, this struck me “When she was born, I had an almost immediate sense of having met her before–she was already so familiar to me, despite our lack of genetic connection.” because when my son was born (biological) my first thought upon seeing him was “I don’t recognize him at all/he’s not familiar at all” (the feeling didn’t last, but it felt a little disorienting) – I think I just imagined, for 39 weeks, a baby that looked like me, and he didn’t at all!
Thank you for allowing access to the Barbara Kingsolver interview in Big Salad, I just started reading Demon Copperhead, and I am barely 30 pages in but it’s fabulous. The language is a delight, and I am already devoted to the young narrator. Loved the part of the interview where she shares about Charles Dicken’s ghost contributing extra inspiration, love her garden as well, and her thoughts on aging and the value of life’s mistakes.
Agree! You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about aging, how to think about aging, how to do it joyfully. I think this website would be a perfect platform to explore this topic in some depth. I think that could have a lot of meaning in this community.
Re: Aging, you might be interested in the Substack “Oldster.” Lots of interviews and essays written about different perspectives on aging.
I’m on my way to a “World Wide Knit in Public Day” event! Thinking of all the protesters in the US. Thank you, Joanne, for providing a space where you mention both, the joy and the heartbreak.
Rip with confidence!! I LOVE IT:)
The news is so very heavy this week, as it has been so many weeks recently. As a pick-me-up, and in the spirit of Karen’s comment, here is a wonderful short film about women dory guides in the Grand Canyon. Earlier generations of women guides were told that if they wanted to be on the river they could cook… A beautiful place, and fantastic women in the film. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzf8dGYscwk
what a beautiful film. I just watched, and it brought me to tears! Thank you for letting us know about it.
i wish tomorrow was knit in public day. can you imagine? a million ‘no kings’ protesters just…knitting. for peace, for humanity, for the return of checks and balances. knitting. and if you don’t know how to knit, find some other art to make quietly in public, in calm solidarity with those who care about this country and human rights.
wait, it was today!!
love this comment, but also… madame defarge haha
omg i laughed at the madame defarge comment, dead on.
Loved the Kingsolver interview. For me it was the visitation from Charles Dickens!!
same! love a friendly ghost.
I’m going to see Materialists next week, our local independent cinema has a “cheap movie Monday” where tickets are only $6, so it makes it easier to go see things that I’m on the fence about. Although finding out it’s from the director of Past Lives and features Pedro Pascal swayed me :)
Thank you for the soothing content—it’s been particularly heart-helpful lately! I just got back from Rome and spent twenty minutes in front of that same Bernini sculpture—I was especially moved by the visible tears on Persephone’s face. So powerful and moving. Xoxo
Thanks for a sensational Friday list! What a treat to read the Barbara Kingsolver interview. I love her so much. My favorite Bernini is The Ecstacy of Saint Teresa. I would stay at any of those hotels. I used to stay at El Jardi in Barcelona. I wonder if it’s still there? Sezane is so pretty but I wouldn’t chose either of those dresses first. My mom just gave me a Sezane dress for my birthday because she is the best. I’m glad you’re all out there.
Okay, not to sound stupid, but what do you do with the mitt?!
it’s an exfoliation mitt for use in the shower. like a scrubby or loofa
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer, but…… I am appalled by premise the current Broadway show “Oh, Mary!” I have not seen it and will not support it by buying a ticket, but I have watched and read interviews of Cole Escola, as well as excerpts of the show, and I am beyond shocked that this travesty made it to the stage. Mary Todd Lincoln was a tragic figure in American history. She suffered through the loss of two children, a war which split her family, and the murder of her husband as he sat next to her. On top of all of this, she was quite clearly mentally ill. To imagine the assassination of her husband as a good thing for her is heartless and cruel. It would seem she suffered quite enough in her lifetime. I’m disappointed that so many feel it’s acceptable to turn the life of a grief stricken, mentally ill woman — into a farce. I have not heard of anyone else protesting this show, so I’m well aware that others may not agree with me. But I’ve heard nothing but praise for this ill conceived show, so here I am. How shameful that someone’s deeply personal tragedy has been turned into delightful evening for theater goers. Please think on this before buying a ticket.
Oh interesting, I’m not familiar with this show by I’m not surprised. I think people sometimes just accept long standing narratives about historical figures without questioning or thinking much about their humanity. Mary Todd Lincoln was “crazy,” Sally Hemings was Jefferson’s “mistress” (even though a slave cannot consent and he was a widower). This show sounds cruel.
How do you know if you haven’t seen it? Not following this thinking at all. Tragedy is part of life, so is story telling, in one form or another. Books, theater, film, tv adaptations, poetry, songs, are often created based on real-life personal events, many of them very tragic. Creative efforts often take liberties and fictionalize aspects for narrative purposes. There are plenty of other heartless and cruel things going on lately to be beyond shocked about. I will save my protesting for those.
Claire, if you read my comment more carefully, I think you will understand that I am objecting to the PREMISE of the show. When approached that way, there is no need to actually see the show. Any number of scripts would have been deeply objectionable to me, if the premise was still so offensive to me. And of course I understand that there are more upsetting situations to object to. What I don’t understand is why you are objecting to MY comment on this show, if you are saving YOUR protests for more serious topics. You are contradicting yourself here. And is there a limit on how many topics we can protest? That would be very upsetting to me and probably most others reading this. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this but I stand by my original comments. My only correction is that Mary Todd Lincoln actually lost three sons, one after leaving the White House, and in doing so she also lost her only companion.
I agree with the Anon when they say that we tend to accept long standing narratives about people’s lives but I tend to think this is a reason to be open minded about Oh Mary. We can never fully know and understand the life of a person who lived in the past. Even with detailed accounts and diaries it will always be subject to the context and politics of the time in which it is being interpreted. History is never black and white and that is particularly true about personal histories. It is nebulous and changing. Wondering about perhaps outrageous “what if’s” are not disrespectful. The format of a farce has long been used to examine popular and historical figures and in doing so often humanizes them in a way that history books cannot. I’d imagine many folks see and love “Oh Mary!” and go home to google Mary Todd Lincoln and see what her deal was. That’s pretty great to me.
y’all… this show famously has like NOTHING to do with the real Mary Todd Lincoln. It’s complete satire. It’s not making fun of her- no one would come away ever thinking the character portrayed has literally anything to do with the real woman. You’re missing out – it’s truly one of the most brilliant, hilarious things I’ve ever seen.
What a fascinating take. This was, quite honestly, the greatest show I have seen in…at least a decade? I had such a beautiful experience belly laughing to tears with a room full of strangers. I’d argue that most of us wouldn’t conflate this comical representation of Mary Todd with the actual flesh and blood woman. It’s a farce! And I agree with your instinct, don’t see it – I think the portrayal of Lincoln would drive you over the edge hahaa.
I’m always here for dark humor. Truly. I love it. But I was a little, well, wtf? When I heard about this play as well. My immediate thought was, would someone do this to Jackie Kennedy? Or Michelle Obama, if her life had taken a tragic turn? I think not. “The past is never dead. It’s not even past. Wm Faulkner. Perhaps as a former historian I’m just more likely than most to see “characters” from history as real people. And telling Mary’s story in this seemingly unempathetic way, as the butt of a joke, feels misogynistic at best, inhumane at worst.
One of my good friends went to see it and absolutely hated it for these reasons. It made her so sad to see a woman with mental health issues as the butt of a joke for the whole running time. I haven’t seen it (ended up having to sell my own tickets for unrelated reasons) but was super interested in her take given how many positive things I had heard about the show.
I feel like I can’t be the only one who completely appreciates the technical brilliance of Bernini’s sculpture, but is kind of sickened by the subject matter? I know it is a mythological tale, but the depiction of abduction/SA still bums me out!
I’m curious about the intent behind this comment. Do you need a sense of solidarity that yes, other people also hate sexual assault? (You are no alone!) Does the sculpture make you feel unsafe and you want to warn other people to avoid looking at it? I’ve seen this sculpture in person and it remains one of the most awe-striking experiences of my life. It’s a horrifying moment in mythology rendered with utmost care. I think we miss a lot when we try to cleanse art of all forms of violence or cruelty. These are inherent to the human experience and people have been trying to make sense of them for millennia through art and story telling. That’s what I see when I look at that sculpture rather than any sort of normalization of kidnapping or assault. To me, being sickened by the subject matter is literally the point. (The man is literally the god of the underworld. You aren’t supposed to respect him) And a sculpture is a great art form for this kind of reflection. It stands still and begs to be pondered and interrogated and processed. I can’t stomach a show like game of thrones because I do feel the constant barrage of horrifying acts can be normalizing. But a sculpture from the 17th century gets a pass in my book.
I also felt that twinge. It’s an incredible sculpture, yes, and also it feels off to me to put the sculpture on this weekend roundup and say look at this sculpture about rape. To encounter it in a museum is powerful and a place where we expect to be challenged but I feel it’s triggering here.
It feels a little like everywhere we turn, as women, we face the presence of sexual assault. It’s depicted everywhere, because it’s such an intrinsic part of our culture, and has been, forever. We’re meant to feel it’s inevitable. Normal. Part of the horror is that we literally can’t escape it. Anywhere. And that’s by design, right? Be constantly afraid girls. No where is safe. It’s exhausting.
Yup felt that twinge for the first time too, even as I absolutely love classical art. I think the big difference that makes it hard to gloss over is that before I thought “oh thank goodness we’ve moved forward”. But now we’re living in Handsmaid Tale and fighting laws that deny women’s right to file for rape if they did not physically fight it aggressively.
Yes to Knit in Public Day! I’ve done it several times. Thanks for highlighting it!
Love the feature on Rome here – my husband and I are headed there in a few weeks. Any MUST SEES outside of normal tourist spots?
Was there in May 2023 with my sis. We enjoyed the more “ off the beaten path”. Neighborhoods Like Campo di Fiori market area. There’s a gelateria called fatamorgana; the owner was behind the counter, 6 kinds of chocolate! The Venezuelan chocolate ( OMG! Anyway lovely buildings and shops, little local parks. We also enjoyed the Jewish ghetto and the the small church that holds two Caravaggios. Saint Eustashio is a popular coffee and pastry spot. Da Vittorio is an amazing restaurant in the Travestre area. The pasta is prepared table side and they toss it in a hollowed out parmigiana wheel.Truly the best I’ve ever had! Hard to go wrong though you are in a living work of art.
KS, I went to Rome last summer with my husband and kids. We stayed in the Trastevere area and loved every minute of it. It’s a less touristy, very art-filled and beautiful part of the city. We felt a little bit like locals there, able to shop in the grocery store and hang out in the piazza away from tourist crowds. One cool part (although it was hard to take part with young kids), was being down the street from the “Il Cinema in Piazza” film festival, which takes place on many evenings in the Piazza San Cosimato (where there is also a delightful produce market during the day). The films were a mix of English-language, Italian, and others, and each night there were talks by directors. Highly recommend! Overall, our take on Italy was to de-emphasize museums and history , and to try to just live our lives there as we would at home, which meant a lot of bookstores, parks, and a slower pace. We got day passes to a hotel pool on a blazing hot day and had a great time. It was the Grand Hotel del Gianicolo. Have fun! I’m reminiscing and wishing we could go back. Rome was by far my favorite city we visited.
My husband, 15 year old daughter, and I biked the Appian Way on e-mountain bikes a couple of months ago. It was WONDERFUL and a huge highlight of our trip. You can do guided tours, but we just rented bikes and got a phone app and managed it on our own (with some advice from the people at the bike shop). I won’t go into detail on what you’ll see along the way, but you’ll be absolutely delighted!!
Second JessicaD’s recommendation for biking the Appian Way.
seconding Fatamorgana gelato! The best. Also, Da Enzo for dinner– you’ll wait in a long line and it will be worth it! And Ivo a Trastevere is amazing and lots of fun. Have a ball! There’s no such thing as a bad day in Rome.
Have a wonderful time! I can’t exactly help, because I went to Rome and every single thing I did was touristy. But I’m here to tell you that even if you only do touristy things, you’ll have a wonderful time. Speaking from experience, I recommend not keeping money or valuables in easily accessible pockets.
Rip with confidence! I love that! I had such a nice chit chat with people at the dog park this morning. It was so cold and I didn’t want to go out but I did and my puppy had her happy trot then chatting was such a boost. I felt – hooray for morning time! Now home for toast. Everyone should be able to freely experience their simple pleasures in life. Seeing protests around the world and brave people standing up for others is heartening and also it makes you angry that it has to happen and it makes you feel hope. Hope and act for peace.
Is it just me or is “rip with confidence” like the wrong message for giving birth lol like I don’t want things ripping in that context!
Haha!! It’s makes your vagina hurt just thinking about it!
My thoughts exactly!!
I adore Pedro Pascal, but in a cool, hip, comfortable with his feminine side way. I don’t see him as the standard, traditional, masculine love interest. He seems to cool for this type of movie!
Oh he definitely exuded “masculine love interest” in Narcos season one, in I think the 2nd ep. HOT!!
I have’t seen the movie yet, but I skimmed a review that recommended completely disregarding the marketing and the movie trailer, which present it like a basic rom com, and apparently it’s not. So maybe he’s a good fit? Director Celine Song’s film debut was Past Lives.
So I apparently have the most milquetoast subconscious possible, because the closest thing I can have to a spicy dream about Pedro Pascal – who is a talented, unequivocal snack and has fantastic personal politics to boot, couldn’t love his PROTECT THE DOLLS message more – was a recent dream in which he was…my stepdad? (He is 4 years older than I am.) And he bought me and my friends dinner? I’m so disappointed in you, brain.
People are multifaceted! Also this seems like a hip, cool version of a rom-com because it’s from A24 and directed by a woman! (Celine Song)
Just wanted to say justice for rom coms/this kind of movie! Notting Hill, When Harry Met Sally, a million other excellent, beloved movies (and shows like Fleabag and My Lady Jane!) all are members of this genre that’s gotten kind of a bad rep over the years. Yes there are some tropes etc but I’m excited to see Celine Song’s take—and love when there are less standard love interests! More please.
Hmm…I’m going tonight with a group of eleven women, and we are all going specifically BECAUSE Pedro Pascal is a love interest in this movie, so I guess ymmv! Like Claire, I’ve heard that the marketing is misleading and it’s not actually a romcom, so reserving judgement on that for the moment, but also agreed with Katie, justice for great romcoms! And for great actors getting to be in whatever they want!
The Villa Borghese, an intimate and elegant museum in Rome, is filled with Bernini sculptures. If any of you ever get the chance – go!
The only time I’ve been to Italy, about thirteen years ago with my sister, we fumbled our way through Rome’s public transport and trekked on the side of a road (highway?) to get there… only to learn it was closed! Agh! We had fun imitating the sculptures in the gardens instead.
Rip with confidence (especially for giving birth example) is sending me. Quality advice that seems to apply to everything.
I’m about halfway through a 2nd pregnancy. Baby is due 11/4. I’m already proactively nervous about delivering this next baby. My epidural wore off with my first and I was in severe pain while I pushed for 3 hours. Rip with confidence indeed:)
Adding this to other Cup of Jo sayings that will live on indefinitely!
Demon Copperhead is a great read.
Cup of Jo – after all these years of reading your blog (been here since the 2010s) you still know precisely how to hit all the right notes with your community! I have donor egg children who are now 7 and 10. They do look like my egg donor’s kids quite a lot (we stayed in touch and share photos) and they also look so much like their dad and his side of the family. There is nothing from my side, and while it does sting a little when people remark oh they look so much like their dad or nothing like you… my love for them doesn’t distinguish at all. I love them deeply and fiercely and they are inheriting my values and sense of humour and goofy side, Of course I love the Barbara Kingsolver interview, she is so smart and so original and Demon is forever etched in my brain. The scenes the pace, the writing. I wonder if they will make it into a Netflix series one day? And as for dad’s rules for life… my daddy passed away in April. He lived life out loud and always had a yolo attitude – you can’t take it with you (when talking about money) so book that holiday, take that day trip, buy those shoes you love <3.
Thank you for sharing this! I may soon be on a donor egg journey and it’s really nice to hear others’ experiences – especially when they’re loving and positive :)
My child is home grown and yet she looks like a carbon copy of her dad. I don’t see myself in her at all, except her hair is a little curly. She’s still the most breathtakingly beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And I do wish I could see myself in her! But she is all her dad. Genetics are wild no matter what dice you roll.
Thank you for sharing about your children conceived from donor eggs. When I was going through my decision about whether to use donor eggs I wished I knew others who used donor eggs but there is/was so much shame and silence around it. Now I know so many people who used donor eggs but that’s only because I’ve been open about my experience in my memoir! My daughter is almost 5 and incredible and I wouldn’t wish for any other child. She often says we look like twins <3
Our children are genetically related to me and not to my spouse so when the kids complain about anything with their body (they are tweens so it is often) my wife and kids get to blame me. It stings just a tad but I take it because it acts as the salve for my wife in the same (opposite?) small way.
The “perfect daytime dress” is, in fact, a shirt.
lol 100% a good for her not for me situation! I don’t think I’m a prude but I just don’t understand dresses like this. Don’t you have to think about how you’re sitting so you don’t flash people? Can you sit down? I don’t like clothes I have to be conscious of all the time.
In case it’s interesting to understand—I like a quite short dress but I always wear something in the bike short/volleyball short family underneath so I don’t have to think about that stuff! (I guess one could argue that does make the dress a shirt, but I do this with longer dresses/skirts too. To me the difference is the underneath shorts are not really part of the outfit in my mind—not visible in most situations, don’t need to match.) Tangentially, I’m curious how tall these models are! The measurements they give for the dress make me think it would fit me really differently.
Lol. Same. If I can’t lift my arms above my head without showing my butt, then it’s not a dress to me 🙃
I thought the same thing. I find those looser dress silhouettes are promoted on COJ often, and I’m glad they resonate with people. I’d never bemoan it on another woman with a similar build, but as someone with a fuller chest? I just can’t. My issue sounds different from the other commenters, though. I’m 4’10”, so it’s actually very hard to flash my underwear, ha!
SAR, completely agree! I often objectively like the dresses the COJ recommends, but could never wear 99% of them. I think I just have a different body type – this type of dress hangs straight off my chest and makes me look much larger than I am, in a very not flattering way. With that being said, the dresses that work for my curvy frame probably wouldn’t flatter people who look good in a loose, oversized shirt dress! As someone else said, “good for her, not for me!” Also, I recently started trying out shorts under dresses, and oh my gosh, total game changer. Highly recommend!
I brought one of these home once and my husband said I looked like Ebeneezer Scrooge. I still can’t look at one without laughing.
I 100% said this out loud, ha! Each to their own.
Depends on your height and body type! I’m 5’3 and wear a size L, so dresses are almost always too long on me. Most models on website are 5’8-5’10 and I’ve learned through trial and error that when a dress looks super short on the model, it’s often perfect on me!
not usually one for politics, but the House voted to stop federal funding for public radio, which is terrible for so many reasons. If you have 7 seconds, you can go to this website input your info to email your lawmakers. It’s quick and so important!! https://goacpr.org/?utm_source=npr_modal&utm_medium=nprweb&utm_campaign=nprrescission
Work is insane right now but it just hit me it’s 4pm and cup of jo might have their happy friday links and here we are. Thank you. Also, for anyone who needs instant chill: this playlist has been going strong all week for me inbetween meetings: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Gh6N5USdYc&t=176s – it’s call ‘early summer at Grandma’s cottage’ which works if your Grandma is kind of 2012 chill alt rock, but it’s soothing and lovely. Also alert that Hazel Candle Co now has an heirloom tomato candle and it is fantastic (grab their coffee candle too while you’re browsing, it is the best) https://hazelcandleco.com/products/heirloom-candle That’s all. Happy weekend friends i’ve not met
If anyone has already seen Materialists, could you tell me (without too many spoilers, for other readers!) if there are any plot points about pregnancy / miscarriage / stillbirth / kids? A friend who recently had a late term stillbirth is hoping to come and see it with a big group of gals on Monday, but it’s still pretty recent (this will be her first big group hang since it happened) so wanted to know if there’s anything that might not make it a good choice for her right now, or that she should be prepared for – she’s (understandably) finding storylines about pregnancy and babies really hard
Just watched! No pregnancy storylines!
You are a good friend. Her brave step out is in good hands.
Thanks so much Tenley!
You’re such a thoughtful friend for considering and checking.
Hugs to your friend, and what a good friend you are for being so considerate to her needs at this time.
I had a late term stillbirth ten years ago. Sending peace and love your friend’s way. It is very good of you to check this. Sending you a gentle hug too- loving someone through this kind of loss is a hard, sad thing, but it matters so much.
You’re all so sweet, thank you. It was so good to see her. Just a note in case anyone else comes across this thread – there are no pregnancy/baby storylines for the main characters but there are a lot of references to biological clocks and having kids, and a scene with a visibly pregnant belly, just for full disclosure!
I saw that statue in person a month ago in the Villa Borghese and it was INCREDIBLE. The way her thigh is dented by the grip of his fingers? It’s hard to wrap your mind around it being marble. The other Bernini statues there are just as exquisite (you can literally see the light shining through Apollo’s cloak in the statue of him chasing Daphne at the moment of her transportation).
My father-in-law passed away 22 years ago and I only met him a few times before he died, which was prior to mt husbands and I getting married. Every few years, my FIL visits me in a dream and he’s always in vacation mode, relaxing, and silent. He was a difficult man but I always feel lucky and happy to see him.
That statue is quite simply mindboggling. Would love to see it in person someday.
Thanks for the link to the Kingsolver interview. I’m a generational Appalachian raising my own family in the region (West Virginia). Funny enough, I was introduced to Kingsolver in literature course during undergrad at a small WV state college. I’ve been reading her work ever since. I would just say ditto what she said in terms of things folks get wrong about our neck of the woods. Also, I loved that she explained in response to being asked about the rich dialogue of her characters that this is how we talk in the region. We do have some absolutely hilarious and beautiful ways of describing things.
Yes, thank you for the interview! Virginia is magic.
I’m headed to West Virginia (the New River Gorge area) and while I’m a bit nervous,(we’re a visibly Muslim family) I’m also very excited to be proven wrong and tell all my friends who are worried for me “I told you so! There was nothing to worry about!” I’m also super excited about seeing so much natural beauty.
Kay, I live in the NRG, and I think/pray you will be totally fine! In summer when the tourist season ramps up, we become a tad less white-bodied in general…though not a ton better. We did just have our first Pride Festival in Fayetteville on Saturday and it went off splendidly! Hope you enjoy your trip!!
Liz, thank you for your note. You just gave some relief to my heart.
Thank you for linking Ruthie Ackerman’s donor egg essay. My 12 year old twins were conceived with donor eggs. Choosing a donor was the most difficult decision I have ever made. So many questions, still. What if I chose someone who was taller, would my son be taller now as he yearns to be? What if I chose a donor who had curly hair like me, would my daughter ask for my help taming her hair in humidity? If my donor had blue eyes, would my brown eyed children look into mine and see our souls are connected even if our DNA is not? My third baby, naturally conceived, was a total surprise. A pure gift since my eggs had been confirmed years before to be ‘poor quality’. He got my one and only good egg. He has blue eyes, curly hair and my smile. I love him as fiercely as I do my twins. My heart knows no difference between the three of them. I chose my donor for her kind, compassionate eyes, for the smile that lit up her face, for her strong GPA but also her interest in art and music. My children are kind, strong, confident beyond measure. When doubt creeps in and guilt tries to take over knowing my son won’t ever be as tall as he hopes, I remind myself any other choice, any other combination of DNA would have made them not who they are. My sister gave me a plaque of Psalm 139:14 for their nursery – “you are fearfully and wonderfully made” which still hangs in my daughter’s room.
Beautifully put!
Thank you for sharing, Elise <3 I love what you said. I'm always in awe that "any other choice, any other combination of DNA" would have meant a completely different child.
Thanks so much for sharing the Barbara Kingsolver interview today! She is my absolute favorite author. It was a delight and pleasure to see her home and have a peek inside her life.
Loved the Barbara Kingsolver interview and want to plug my favorite Appalachian artist, singer S.G.Goodman. She’s a queer musician and her use of the poetic dialect from that region is just hand-to-chest gorgeous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQGxjdHaGW0
I was planning to have a good weekend which included showing up for the oppressed undocumented community. And then I woke up to Israel attacking Iran murdering their senior Iranian military officials and nuclear scientists in a large-scale attack. Imagine what would happen if any other country had done it which wasn’t supported by the U.S, U.K, France, Germany, Saudi Arabiya, Egypt etc., and other “powerful” countries around the world. Imagine the combined retaliation they’d face for decades until complete annihilation!!! If we do nothing, nothing will change.
I feel a deep, terrified foreboding about this too. Total impunity for Israel. . And the world being dragged into another senseless endless war
Actually, this situation is quite different. Iran was extremely close to developing a nuclear weapon. In a country which shouts death to Israel and death to America, I think Israel’s actions are completely reasonable. They were targeted attacks of top military commanders and the nuclear scientists. Had they not attacked when they did, Israel’s very fate as a country would be threatened. It is important here to distinguish between what is going on in Gaza and what is going on in Iran.
I am self-conscious about my bumpy arms (ridiculous, I know). Things that have helped loads: 1. Exfoliating gloves, even though they make me feel like a mime artist in the shower 2. Dove pro-age 20% AHA body lotion. The name makes me feel violent but the bumps be gone!
“The name makes me feel violent” : no notes <3
Ah, this made me laugh: “The name makes me feel violent” Thank you :)
love the comments! what can’t women do? nothing! also, will be taking “rip with confidence” with me into this coming week.
Re: exfoliating – Last year, I bought the GOSHI Exfoliating Shower Towel. Highly recommend! The texture is so much more effective than using a washcloth or loofa. I love that it’s long, so it’s easy to get my back, but also easy to fold and use like a mitt for other parts. Now my husband says he doesn’t feel clean until he uses it in the shower, lol.
Exfoliating shower towels are theeeeeee best! You can often find them locally at Latin American or Asian grocery stores. I love the Salux brand – they’re usually only a few dollars each!
Sorry, but I’m laughing at the idea of less than $300 a night being an affordable hotel.
I thought the same thing! still, it’s fun to see the different rooms.
Ditto! I was like “next up, burgers for under $50!”
I am in Brussels for the week and will absolutely be observing Knit in Public Day tomorrow.
I have tickets to Materialists on Saturday night. I’ll always see a rom-com :)
Yes to women helping women. Just watched this week as me and four other friends helped take care of our friend’s kids after a surgery all week long.
Thank you, Cup of Jo team and community! I’m so grateful for how this space has grown, evolved, and consistently spoken with both clarity and conscience. You’ve created such a soft place to land, Team COJ, and I’m deeply appreciative. xo
Gentle hugs to anyone missing their dad this weekend. My dad’s last words to me, “see ya later kid”. He knew there wouldn’t be later. But I can still hear his voice, and I swear sometimes he feels so close I think his hand is on my shoulder. I frequently dream of him, usually we are riding in the mountains, lots of dogs and horses, under a big blue sky, and there’s nothing at all to say. If you are lucky enough to share time with your dad on Sunday, I hope you enjoy those moments.
Sasha, I lost my dad 3 years ago – his last words were a casual and bright “so long!”. He passed less than 30 minutes later. Holding space for you and everyone else who is spending Father’s Day without their father figure.
This is beautiful, Sasha! Sending warm thoughts your way.
Every once in a while my dad makes an appearance in my dreams and it’s such a gift. We’re usually doing some mundane thing like planning meals for a ski trip but in those dreams he’s fully himself and I feel like I got a little visit with him from wherever he is. I wish he’d visit more often. He was the absolute best and I miss him every day.
Oh I love this, Sasha … And picture you and your dad under the big Montana sky 🤍 my dad passed more than a decade ago and I still think of what I need to tell him or ask him.
Sasha, this moved me to tears. Will squeeze my dad extra tight for the both of us. Sending you love.
This is beautiful and heartbreaking, Sasha. He sounds wonderful. I’m lucky to still have my father, but his very traumatic childhood has understandably left him with some lingering difficulties in expressing his emotions. Because it’s a reflex for me to mirror people’s emotions, I often struggle to get my words out with him, too. Of course, challenges like these tend to be the most rewarding things to overcome. It seems disrespectful not to try whenever so many others have watched their loved ones cross over. Hugs for you this weekend, and anyone with a complicated parental situation.
I loved reading this Sasha. I lost my dad 3 years ago on June 9th suddenly from a heart attack in his sleep. I never got to say goodbye and I long to see signs or feel his presence but I’m still waiting. I love hearing how he is still so close for you. Sending comfort for you on Father’s Day xo