What Are Your Dad’s Rules for Life?

my dad is very routine and self-disciplined. he makes a good role model but it feels sometimes like an impossible standard to live up to, to just do the same thing unquestioningly day after day. he never wavers. it’s admirable but alienating, of him from my family and of me from him. he can be fun, implusive and silly too, but as he ages those times get further between. he gardens, reads, naps, walks his dog. a rule of routine is helpful and guiding but also limiting and difficult in times of traumatic change.

I can hear my dad’s voice anytime I leave my house (or pack to go anywhere) better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it” Has this resulted in me being a terminal overpacker?? Occasionally..

My dad died in June 2023. He was never very talkative, but his quiet strength and support for his kids (my brother and I) were evident throughout. He supported his mother and sisters, brought up his niece as his own daughter after her father died and never criticized his kids, guiding us instead by example. I miss his intellect (he was a voracious reader) and was always kind (treating everybody with respect and dignity, no matter their social ‘status’). If I can be half the human being he was, I will consider myself a success. Miss you, dad, and I will always love you.

My dad died in June 2023. He was never very talkative, but his quiet strength and support for his kids (my brother and I) were evident throughout. He supported his mother and sisters, brought up his niece as his own daughter after her father died and never criticized his kids, guiding us instead by example. I miss his intellect (he was a voracious reader) and always kind (treating everybody with respect and dignity, no matter their social ‘status’). If I will be half the human being he was, I will consider myself a success. Miss you, dad, and I will always love you.

As a Honda Fit owner, I have to agree with your Dad! It’s a great car. Too bad they don’t make it anymore :( But if you’re lucky, you can find it second hand.

I’ve been following another life advice from your dad, that you passed on a few years ago: never go into a speed hump while braking; you should always brake first, let go, and then go over the speed hump, gently pressing the accelerator/gas pedal. Such good and precise advice.

My dad died when I was in my early 20’s, and more than 30 years later I still think about him every day. We lived in a small Midwestern town, but he traveled extensively for his job and loved adventure and new experiences. When he entertained clients, he preferred to take them downhill skiing instead of golfing, and would find unexpected places for dinner meetings like Ethiopian restaurants in DC and small, family run German restaurants in rural WI. He loved opera and jazz, was a great cook, could fix just about anything, had a strong moral compass, and was folksy and fun. Words he lived by: 1. Carpe Diem 2. If you don’t have brains, you better have good feet 3. At some point, you either have to s*#t or get off the pot 4. Find a job you really like (and people you like to work with) so that you can afford to support the people and hobbies you love. 5. Split wood, not atoms.

My dad was a farmer and always had lots of equipment issues to deal with. He always said when you couldn’t figure out a problem, you ought to walk away for awhile and do something else. The inspiration to the original problem will come when you are doing something else! He was always right! And it’s so applicable to life. Give it some space.

My dad died when I was only 17 and I often wonder what he would have thought about how my life turned out; and always hope that he would be proud of me. He always used to say, “When you become an adult, life goes by so fast.” Basically appreciate every small moment, or you could miss it.

My dad had quite a tough start to life and had to learn to fight his own corner pretty early on. And that gave him an incredible sense of justice. Perhaps the most palatable of those senses, was the importance of standing up for the people who can’t stand up for themselves. I’m very like my dad in many ways, and find myself automatically doing just that. Some years ago, in a bar with my oldest friend, I noticed a nearby woman giving my friend a really nasty stare. So I put myself in between my friend and this woman, and gave the look right back. And she backed off. Another time, not that long ago, my then-boss came to me with a particularly nasty plan to set off a fire alarm to try and cause an autistic colleague to have a meltdown and fail to do the evacuation plan properly. So I got right in my bosses space, pulled myself up to my full 5 foot 3, told him that was really fucking nasty, I’d have no part in it, and he ought to be ashamed. And frankly, he wilted like a kicked puppy. My dad’s other best pearl of wisdom, was “get your punch in first, while the other guy is still talking.” I can see the benefit of it, sure. But have yet to try it out myself.

Growing up my Dad referenced his “7 Rules of life” Tommy siblings and I constantly: 1. Life is not fair 2. The only thing you HAVE to do is die. 3. Sometimes Dad knows what he is talking about 4. The golden rule – treat others how you want to be treated 5. Do your beast 6. Be kind 7. Things Change

My mom picked up today while she was at her occupational therapy appointment following a hand surgery 😅 At first I laughed and then realized how sweet it is that she just can’t NOT pick up when her kids call. I’m sure I’ll do the same one day.

My dad’s rule for parenting: your kids don’t owe you anything, and you owe them everything. You made the choice to bring them into this world, and so if they turn out of be someone you don’t particularly like or agree with or share values with, too bad, they don’t owe you that. He would say that’s how you know you are ready to be a parent for real – when you truly know, when you feel in your bones that you will love whoever come out, and whoever they become. That and always know the weather forecast, and never carry a boat backwards on your car.

“Always pick up” – so true! My dad has an old Ute so there is no hands free… he always answers on speaker & says “ let me just pull over” on the small country road he’s driving on. When I was at Business school & I had late classes – I would call him when I left the lecture hall & o my hang up when I was in my car & all the doors were locked. Sweet dads ❤️

I love my Honda Fit. It is seriously the best car. Our 2nd car is a VW wagon. Papa Goddard, I think you’re on to something ;)

OMG I freaking loved my Honda Fit! My husband did convinced me to get something a little bigger when we had our second baby and were 2 under 2 since it’s our only car… but I miss the Fit every day.

My lovely step father (died 2023) advised, whilst teaching me to drive at night: ‘look into the darkness’. Now, two decades later, and a psychotherapist, this feels quite profound!

Any new version has to be an improvement over the old one! My dad won’t abide low-effort song covers

OMG – dying to know what Lucy’s name would have been? Was it Joanna or something else? My parents knew that my twin sister and I were going to be names for family members but they decided who to allocate the names after the met us. I think they did a bang up job. (My sister got grandmother, grandmother and I am Great grandmother, mom’s best friend). I waited to meet my son to pick from the shortlist and once he was there I was certain. How I don’t know…. he looked too serious and introverted for Jamie or William…. not sure….

“Don’t worry about the things you can change, because you can change them; don’t worry about the things you cannot change, because you cannot change them” My dad has always been both my biggest fan and my personal guru :)

Embuggerance is a great word! I now plan to incorporate it into my vocab. And my husband is now seriously considering the banger-onomics of buying a Honda jazz!

i lost my dad at age 88, he was more of a lead by example guy than a rules, guy, but foremost was enjoying the ride – get the raspberry ice cream cone, plant strawberries, pet every puppy, lead with kindness and gentle humor. He loved walking and being outside, and working on a task together – we could just glance at each other and glow.

Your dad is the best; his rules are amazing. My dad has been dead a long time but most of his rules had to do with empathy; in fact as atheists, he would remind us that empathy was our religion. A moment that I remember vividly is when one of my brothers and I chased down the ice cream truck and bought eclairs for ourselves. We had extra $, and we looked at each other and with lightbulbs over our heads, we decided to get our 4 remaining siblings popsicles. We thought we were amazing. Later that night, my dad came to say goodnight and to praise my generosity and then he said, “but just a thought, maybe next time get the eclairs for your siblings and popsicles for yourselves.” Maybe I was 7 or 8, but it was another lightbulb moment – I totally got it.

– Always, always root for the underdog – Sing and dance like no one is watching, as if your life depended on it!! – Give people the benefit of the doubt – Better to help someone (even if they are undeserving of it, and maybe you are getting taken advantage of), than not to help (and therefore possibly be an a*#%!hole) a.k.a. “Better gullible than a tool” – Be courteous and kind, and mind your manners

This made me smile! My dad was obsessed with closing the curtains when it got dark and we had the lights on. He was always alarmed by how we’d sit in front of the window basically inviting passerbys to look in. He’d rush over and close the curtain in a huff. I never did understand what it was he was scared people outside would see. Now as avid walked, I’m a fan of the homes that leave their curtains open. Makes my evening walks much more interesting!

“Embuggerance”! Brilliant. My dad used to say “the buggeration factor” – same thing.

Love this……and so many lessons from my Dad. The few I always remember: 1. Be grateful for your privileges, know they are good luck, not anything you did, and work to ensure more for other people. 2. Vote on behalf of the people who most need help. 3. Never apologize for feeling deeply. 4. Tell your people that you love them. 5. Love the earth and your garden. He’s been gone for nearly 3 years now and when my family gets together and his 3 grandsons tell stories about him, I miss him dearly but know that he is with us in those stories.

I’ll always remember when my dad was teaching me to drive he advised, “Never back up any further than you have to.” Then paused and said, “Actually, that’s a pretty good rule for life in general.”

Always pay attention to what is going on around you and ask questions!

My dad taught me at a young age to be proud of who I am. It anchored me, and the integrity it has given me allows me to be confident in my words and my actions. I now try to teach that to my own kids – that they know who they are, that they can be proud of themselves, and that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says about them. “You are (name), and no one else knows you better than you.”

My dad always says “don’t postpone joy”. Which I love because it’s how he lives his life and how he loves his family. The other, newer, life motto is “only the love is real”. Which I think we can all take to heart in the current world.

Never take the same route back. Whether it’s a hike, long drive, or errands, it’s always more interesting to take either a different route than the way you came, or a new road entirely! To this day I always look for hikes that are loops and feel somehow cheated if I have to walk out and back.

My dad (RIP Bruce) was a big believer in the 5 P’s… prior planning prevents piss-poor performance. ;-)

Water is not your friend. Meaning, don’t ignore water issues and let your house rot!

I don’t like my dad, and choose not to see him. What is striking though is that as I read these comments, I can’t think of a single piece of advice or thing he’s repeated to me. That kinda speaks a lot in itself.

Love this so much! I waited to name my daughter until she was a couple days old. And I have a niece named Lucy Claire! And it fits her perfectly. Tell your dad thanks for saving it for a 13 year old in Georgia.

My dad’s one ironclad rule was to never leave the house without a book. When we were kids, he expected us to do the same, so we were more patient during inevitable wait times. One Christmas when we were all grown up, he had gone to the mall with my brother for some last minute shopping. A distracted driver knocked him down in the parking lot and broke his hip. As he lay on the asphalt, waiting for the ambulance, he looked my brother square in the eyes and said “and this is why you always bring a book” — and proceeded to bring out his latest small paperback novel (probably something by Proust, knowing him).

My dad raised me, as a daughter born in 1973, that I can do WHATEVER I want in this life. He encourages me to fight for my life and to NEVER take anyone’s shit. He knew that the world I was heading into was sexist and wanted me to know that I am equal and should never allow anyone to tell me otherwise.

“Always have a handkerchief on hand.” My dad used to have the old cotton ones. They always smelled a little bit like farts when he fished them out of his pockets. 😜 Oh, now I really mis that smell. But still I am the one with three packages in my bag.

Knock with your elbows Be on time Money can’t buy class Only floss the ones you want to keep :) Act like you’re in charge, even if you’re not (helpful for anxiety causing situations)

My Jewish dad is big on making sure there’s always snacks (usually homemade), seeing who wants to go for a walk around the block, and helping to make minyan (IYKYK). And my son is named for my paternal grandfather, who thought you should read everything you can get your hands on, consume as much art as you can, be quick to fight for the underdog, and commit your whole self to working toward interconnected equality for all.

When my dad was teaching me to back up a boat trailer (which is very hard, actually), he said “remove the doubt, the rest comes naturally”. Pretty great life advice. Also, shut the door– you’re letting the cold air out. :-)

I have never heard anything so paternal as a father letting everyone know the car they should be driving. 2 options, casualy but clearly recommended to his daughter for her millions of readers. Chef’s kiss, heading to my honda dealer now.

I will take my Honda Fit to the grave with me. Truly, it is a perfect car. No notes.

Why did these make me cry? (Less the one about the Honda fit – though I appreciate it – and more the one about picking up your kids calls:) ) :) Thanks for sharing!

Here are the ones from my dad that I live by: 1. No matter what, you must always believe that it is possible 2. Remember – they can take away everything from you but your education 3. It is more important to celebrate the living than to mourn the dead The last one helped me survive the first year after he passed away.

“Always drink water” Also, I just found out I’m pregnant! What are some Fathers Day gift ideas for first time dads?

My dad always said “overtip breakfast waitresses.” Of course it meant to notice the people who are working hard and struggling, and try to help them how you can, but quietly and without embarrassing them. He did always leave a good tip, too.

Hah, «Every family in the country can be satisfied with a Honda Fit »; we are a family of five in a Corolla, and every summer, when my husband has a foul mouth playing Tetris with our camping gear, I think to myself, « man, Toyota should really make an ad about our family, because we have really pushed our little almost 15-year old Corolla to the limits! » (Toyota, if you’re reading this, sponsor our family. 😜)

I’d say that these were some of my dad’s most common phrases, and I’m fairly sure they were handed down from his dad. – If something is doing, it’s worth doing well. – It’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools. – Actions speak louder than words. Funny to consider what he’d say about the topics above, though. Travel: ew, don’t; Cars: keep it clean, well maintained and the gas tank full; Entertaining: see travel; Parenting: I don’t know, your mother did that, I guess. Nowadays we mostly talk about the weather and what’s happening at the grocery store, the one travel destination he enjoys. He’s not a bad person, he just got sad and then let his world get small. I have to remember that.

“If you can fix it with money, it’s not a real problem.” If my left arm was hurting, he’d say “here, let me take care of that for you,” and then pretend to hurt my right arm and say “see, now your left arm doesn’t hurt any more” And, most importantly, he taught me that family comes first. He always showed up for us, and for his nine brothers and sisters.

My father died way too young – he was only 55 years old when he passed away. But I would say one of his enduring philosophies was to help anyone who needed help, whether it was big or small. If someone had a flat tire, he would help them change it (this was in the days before everyone had cell phones and could easily call for help!). If someone needed a job, he would magically find them one (even if it was only temporary!). If his elderly parents or relatives needed help, he would make time to go there and help them (even though they were a four-hour drive away). I feel like because of this, I am the same way. If I see something that needs doing, I do it. If someone needs help, I jump in and help them in whatever way I can.

“always answer your kids’ calls”…this made me tear up. xo

I’m a full-time singer/songwriter and several years ago I wrote a song as a commission project for some fans. The wife wanted a gift for her husband so I interviewed her and she said she loved the way he never told their five year old granddaughter that she was cute or adorable, but was instead extremely intentional with his words of affirmation. He instead tells his granddaughter that she is kind, genuine, creative, capable, and brilliant. I loved this perspective and the song is called “You Never Told Me I was Pretty” and you can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/hzJ4s3OkGCA?si=ef6VjCEiGb1aSQoo I am still touched by this sentiment. Dads and granddads forever. <3

When you find yourself in a hole- stop digging. Something dad said years ago that I still think about and use regularly.

My dad’s number one rule is “never give up. If you never give up, you’ll always succeed.” He always states the only caveat is, “only give up if it’s the wrong thing. Trust yourself. You’ll know when it’s the wrong thing.” My dad is 72 and actively learning/growing well into retirement. I’ll treasure his perspective forever.

I don’t have a relationship with my father, but I follow a few life rules from my best friend’s dads, such as: always stop and purchase lemonade from a kids lemonade stand (this is why I had to desperately beg someone to let me use their bathroom during the neighborhood wide community yard sale, as there was a lemonade stand on every BLOCK) and the adage, “don’t make calls, don’t make sales!” which I think of often when I almost retreat from asking for what I want. Thanks, Frank & Rod!

My Dad and I no longer speak. He’s not a bad person, he’s actually incredibly kind. Somewhere along the way of childhood and adulthood for me he didn’t know how to be my friend. I moved across the country and we grew more distant. Small things I do remind me I am definitely his daughter. He would always: Keep his vehicle clean (inside & out). Listen more than you talk (I think he is just a fairly quite person, but learning to listen is a good tool). Do what you can by yourself (you’ll do a better job, and it’s more cost effective). Whatever you’re doing, plan it out as much as possible (think road trips, vacations, etc). Be involved in your kids sports & hobbies.

What a beautiful tribute to your dad — his wisdom made me smile, especially “meet the kid” and “talk to the wallflowers.” There’s something so grounding about hearing the simple rules our dads live by. My dad’s rules were: always be ready to leave 5–10 minutes before you need to hit the road, buy American whenever you have a choice, and when it came to life’s tougher stuff—work, money, relationships—he always had solid, steady advice. It’s funny how those lessons stick with us. I miss my dad every day.

I’m not close to my dad, so I don’t have much to share upwards. But my husband, who is an amazing father and tender with each one of our children, says this poem encapsulates how he’ll feel as a father forever and I thought it was worth sharing here: Don’t fill up on bread I say absent-mindedly The servings here are huge My son, whose hair may be receding a bit, says Did you really just say that to me? What he doesn’t know is that when we’re walking together, when we get to the curb I sometimes start to reach for his hand —Robert Hershon

This is such a sweet interview! Love!

Joanna, I know your dad is British .. does he speak with a British accent still? Want to “hear” his voice in the correct accent as I read this wisdom lol Thanks for sharing your sweet dad with us.

I lost my dad earlier this year, suddenly. His greatest rule for life was, “Do what you think is right, but don’t **** it up.”

This will be my first fathers day without my dad. He had a knack for so many great sayings and bits of wisdom, I often rolled my eyes as kid but as a teen and young adult I truly lived by them and said them out-loud to myself all the time! Don’t let your schoolwork get in the way of your education. Don’t let high school be the highlight of your life. In a social situation, if you are nervous about keeping conversations, just ask lots of questions. Also people love the sound of their own name so use it often in conversation. And finally, our personal favorite was when we would be stressed over something (a test! A heartbreak! An embarrassing moment!) he would say “On a cosmic scale, this is just a mouse fart.”

Monkey Bar Theory – If you’re thinking of leaving one job, wait until you can grab the next one!

I LOVE THIS! Your dad sounds so cool. “Embuggerance” !

My dad is 88 years old and in recent years has been radicalized by far-right personalities online. His rules of life are no longer the same as mine.

My dad is a car guy. Here is his advice: – Never park next to a two door car (bigger doors that could ding your car) – Never get gas when the gas truck is at the gas station (it stirs up sediment on the bottom of the station’s tank & that can get into your car’s gas tank) – Try not to park under a tree (sticky stuff can fall on your car) – Park farther away in a parking lot do you don’t have to park near anyone – Whatever you bring into the car, comes out of the car on the same trip. (Can’t follow this one with my kids)

Take the first parking spot you see; the walk is good for you! My dad died last August. I got to share this in a eulogy, and a dear friend recently said she does this now. As you would say— Sob!

So sorry to break the news to your father…Honda is discontinuing the FIT.