Four Fun Things
The other day, my friends were lamenting that their everyday underwear doesn’t make them feel sexy. “I have a solve!” I told them because I swear by Oddobody organic cotton underwear. Of all their styles, I go for the string bikini, which feels flirty and comfy, that elusive combo. What underwear do you wear? — Joanna
My husband and I are finally tearing through The Pitt, the TV series about doctors and nurses at an under-resourced ER in Pittsburgh, and I haven’t felt this strongly about a medical drama since watching boxed sets of Grey’s Anatomy in college. Each episode depicts one hour of a 15-hour shift — we’re 11 hours in and have four more to go. I feel overwhelmed just answering my kids’ questions while cooking dinner, so I can’t imagine being a student doctor, scalpel in hand, being asked to articulate what you’re doing and why. We’ve been pacing ourselves by watching one episode per night, which is hard because the tension does not let up. — Kaitlyn
The best time of year is fast approaching: strawberry cake season. Anton and I are rolling up our sleeves and getting ready. Have you been baking anything else delicious lately? — Joanna
Finally, my good friend Adam Roberts — cookbook author, dog dad, and host of 50 dinner parties per year (at least!!) — comes out with his wonderful first novel, Food Person, next week. We’re going to be chatting on stage next Tuesday, May 20th, about funny books, writing a novel, low-stress entertaining, NYC restaurants, marriage, you name it. I always describe Adam as a modern-day Nora Ephron, so I promise it will be a really fun evening. Please join! You can get free tickets here. — Joanna
P.S. More fun things, and a podcast that made me laugh in Trader Joe’s.
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Tags: fun things
Comments
156 commentsNo one mentioned hanky panky thongs? Found at Nordstrom. Feels like you’re not wearing anything, no VPL or silicone strip, and they last for years. For short stories – Alice Monroe! Ps – I’m 67 and love cup of Jo.
Cou Cou intimates! 100% cotton and so cute. The OG style is admittedly not for everyone but they recently added a cotton jersey line that looks great.
funnily enough i bought the jockey elance undies based off Joanna’s rec in The Strategist! they’ve become my favorite, they don’t ride up likely nearly every other pair I own and my body appreciates the cotton. they do give VPL but I don’t really care as much anymore. i got them in all black and think ghey are sexy in their simplicity!
Hi CoJ! On the subject of undies… do any plus size ladies have recs on the best plus size undies?! Looking for both basic and sexy styles! XO!
I’m a 14/16 in pants (36″ waist) and loved these for a boudoir shoot: https://a.co/d/eq99GN4 I’ve bought these for years now; they wash well and hold their shape nicely. Plenty of leg for a sexy and comfy vibe and way cuter on than the listing pics. I like the 9s: https://a.co/d/58q2xi0
Delicious stuff: I just brought these cranberry bars to a meeting (because I love to feed my people) and they were a huge hit (as they usually are). I wondered if they would skew too holiday with the cranberries, but my husband pointed out that I had three bags of cranberries in the freezer and we have to make room for the rhubarb that’s exploding outside. . . and no one seemed bothered in the least! Quick note: There’s a typo on the re-posted recipe (it just says “unsalted” and doesn’t specify. . .BUTTER), and I have never had to bake them for a hour. I usually go with 25 – 30 mins, max. Enjoy, y’all! https://gjbrecipes.blogspot.com/2011/11/cranberry-squares-bon-appetit-february.html
UNDERWEAR COMMENT!!! I am all in on Bombas underwear. I am a fitness coach, and a person who leans to the sweaty side, still has a bit of a c-section pouch, and I LOVE them. Every style except the air lace—I like their mid rise briefs, and love the matching bra styles. A+
These patagonia underwear have been my go to for 15 years. They last forever snd are super comfortable, and wash and dry quickly while traveling. https://www.patagonia.com/product/womens-active-briefs-underwear/32396.html?cgid=womens-socks-underwear
Buying new underwear for a holiday is my new life hack. Nothing nicer than putting on a new pair with just the right about of snugness. Feels like a decadent splurge.
Count me as one more crusader on the quest for the perfect cute every day underwear. I’ve tried Oddobody and they just fit weird for me. I have a drawerful of Knickey’s which were great until they weren’t. They just haven’t aged well, and they’re not that old. I just ordered a stack of cheekys from Underdays ( http://www.theunderdays.com ) which seem promising. Wish me luck!
Does anyone know of a company that makes organic cotton underwear in a “cheeky” style? They are the only kind I wear – they’re the perfect balance of mostly full coverage but still minimal enough for no vpl (which I know we’re not supposed to care about, but I’m still conscious of!) I have cotton ones but have trouble finding organic cotton ones!
Organic Basics has cheeky styles!
You could try Organic Basics. They have a short, but not a cheeky so I don’t know if it will fit what you’re looking for. They are VERY comfy. It’s all I have in my drawer right now! Pact makes a boyshort that isn’t a true cheeky but is a little higher on the cheek so it may be close to the style you want.
I make that strawberry cake every year for my son’s birthday, it’s fantastic! Super easy and super delicious. We have gluten allergies, so I sub the all purpose flour for 1/2 gf blend and 1/2 oat flour. Works perfectly.
I am hooked on the Superchill underwear from Aerie. Here’s the boybrief cut but I also have the same fabric in bikini and thong cut. It’s sooo soft and the fabric is thin, not compressive at all (my preference). I bought one pair at first and the fabric feels so thin that I thought, oh these won’t last through a few washes. And they surprised me by holding up great so I bought like 10 more pairs. https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/aerie/undies/boybrief-underwear/superchill-modal-rib-boybrief-underwear/6443_7083_062?menu=cat4840006
Baking: I’m planning on making buckles all summer-cherry, strawberry, mixed berry, anything in season. Basically the Marian Burros plum torte recipe but with different fruit. It’s unreal and idiot (me) proof. I just watched the movie The Four Seasons on my mother’s recommendation before binging the Netflix series. I liked the movie a lot more, but man are Colman Domingo and Marco Calvani the most adorable and charismatic couple. “Your face is so loud right now!”
My husband is rewatching “The Pitt” with me because he loved it so much and wanted to watch it alongside me. The problem is that I have to take a Dramamine before I watch it because of the camera movements, but worth it! Also, someone in this wonderful community recommended Thunderpants for underwear and the brand is pricey but so worth it! The material offers a little bit of support without feeling constrictive (I have uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts and cannot tolerate tight clothing), and the material is high quality. I’ve had mine for a few years and just now having to replace. Random topic: I realize and appreciate that Cup of Jo doesn’t shill exercise and health advice, but I would love to see a post or two about navigating food and exercise for perimenopause. I see this community as body-positive, and would love to have discussions with you all about tackling health issues at this stage with that in mind.
Amanda, please check out Dr. Mary Pines, she has great programs and blogs with advice on perimenopause and beyond! Highly recommend and she’s a kind, lovely person too, as well as an incredible scientist.
I was just coming here to request the same topic. There is so much “noise” about what you should eat & how you should exercise across social media. It would be wonderful to hear lived experiences from real women.
As a former ER nurse and avid watcher of The Pitt, it’s certainly one of the more medically accurate shows I’ve seen. It’s so fantastic and I’m dying for season 2. Also side note, Jo (as a nurse turned web developer). I noticed y’all have recently changed the styling on the comments section. I noticed there is some styling quirkiness (on mobile screens) particularly to your responses to others. The line that should be below your name now slightly cuts into it. Much love. ❤️
oh don’t worry we are very much on it! just have to fix a few things that are affecting the comments — please stay tuned :)
I make my own underwear from several different patterns and fabrics I find most appealing in comfort and style. I can get the fit I want and vary the style. There is a learning curve but it is worth it. Ends up I have several pair that specifically go with certain pants. There are patterns for all types of underwear and bra’s too! Flirty one’s, boy shorts, briefs, thongs. They take little fabric so there isn’t a big investment. I make my daughters as well. I can frequently match my underwear to the shirt I am wearing because scraps. I am rereading Flannery O’Connor short stories. I think the kiddo and I may try this Jello masterpiece over the weekend.
that is so cool!!
Not much makes me happier then when my underwear color matches my shirt color!
Has anyone tried the Natori Bliss Cotton French Cut Briefs? I’m looking for a perfect everyday, cotton pair that feels a little special. These seem like the would fit the bill nicely but would love input if anyone has tried them (especially as they are a bit pricey) !
I have some and really like them!
Yes I have a bunch of them and they’re great! I recommend!
They are ok at best. I wore mine for a year and then swapped them out. They dug just a little at my creases / tummy / butt and I do not like that. I do have french cut from American Eagle that I LOVE.
YES!!! They are the best! Soft, stretchy, they don’t bunch or ride up, the lace is nice and does not wear out. I swear by these (and the briefs if you want a higher rise). Well worth the money!
I love the Natori Bliss Girl brief (more of a hipster brief), and I do highly recommend. They are high quality, have a soft cotton / non-synthetic feel, keep in place, and lie flat under pants /shorts. They go on sale from time to time, so keep an eye out for deals.
I have those, and I like them a lot. (I know you don’t know me so my word isn’t particularly strong, but you did ask)
The most comfortable pairs I own! But a little granny pant-ie. I don’t care though, the comfort is sublime after wearing regular panties, lol
I have systematically swapped out all of my undies to these because they are the PERFECT underwear.
You all are the best! Thank you so for all of your feedback! 🫶 Now time to hunt for sales… And Emily, I did ask and I may not know you, but I care about what you have to say! You have a voice and opinions and it matters to those outside of your circle, too ♥️
I swear by Lululemon Underease Mid-rise Bikini. Soft, no lines (as close to that as possilbe). Stays in place! https://shop.lululemon.com/p/women-underwear/UnderEase-MR-Bikini-Underwear-3Pack/_/prod10520459
I had an horrible phone call this morning in which the person (technically a client but I was volunteering my time) absolutely chewed me out and while I’ve finally mostly calmed down from it, coming here and reading the comments has been an absolute balm. So grateful for this wonderful community.
thank goodness for this place, right? the deep-breath place.
Unfortunately the first thing I noticed is that even the model for Jo’s recommended underwear has a wedgie already. Immediately closed the link. What odd advertising photos! I buy Hanes at Target (though not now; boo Target!) and love them. Used to like Pact’s undies, but then they changed the cut without changing the name of the style or alerting customers to that change in any manner, so my second bulk order was a total waste. Won’t order from them again.
Does anyone have a suggestion for period panties that won’t break the bank? Wearing a pad 24/7 is getting old and quite uncomfortable.
I have tried a few brands- my favorite by far are from period aisle: https://periodaisle.com/collections/underwear Cheap ones from Amazon didn’t work great, thinx were ok but turned out to have lots of pads and haven’t lasted super long. Aisle boost boxers are $52 and sooooo comfy, no pfas, seem to last forever with the right care. I am also on a budget and saving up was worth it! I can make it through my period with two pairs and a menstrual cup, but I treated myself to two more pairs after a couple of years and it is luxurious to have 4.
PFAS not pads in thinx! Oh autocorrect
Check out Knix! Their period undies are fantastic and the fabric/styles are so comfortable that I wear them even when I don’t have my period.
I like the Uniqlo’s
Knix is my go-to!
I just poured chia seeds into a Greek yogurt and I’m feeling pretty good about it. No prep, no cleanup, has lots of protein and fiber hah winning at life…
one year for Christmas my husband got me a new pair of underwear a day (for the entire month) on a quest for me to find the perfect pair. He got me a thong that I loved, but I don’t *really* love thongs so I went online and found that not only do they make a cheeky version but they are cheap https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/ella-mid-rise-hipster-underwear-pack-of-5/7270004?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=952 I have about 20 pair and while I have other underwear I only reach for these. They are comfy and a little flirty/sexy and don’t bother my c-section scar or cut in on the sides (why i will not wear string bikinis undies). Also, this underwear parade (charade?) reminded me of when I was a teen I let my Dad know that I didn’t like his apples so he went to the grocery store and bought me one of every kind. I definitely married a man comparably thoughtful.
Keeper!!!
Uniqlo’s AIRism line of no-show, seamless panties are great, especially for travel, and very comfortable. They also have a nice line of cotton panties. And the prices can’t be beat for the quality. (I did get a pair of Skims panties on sale at Nordstrom and liked them, but $20 per pair?Yeah, nope.)
I recall saying no to pricey underwear until realizing that I could say no to something else like a pricey coat and feel comfortable with both for the money. Priority spending.
I’ve recently been liking Boody underwear and bras. Also Quince has all cotton undies that are ok. As far as making good things, I’ve made a huge batch of pickled red onions that have been going on everything. I recently made chili crisp foccocia with pickled red onion, tomatoes, and chunks of cheddar.
This is crazy…. I am SO desperate for good underwear, I literally just searched ‘underwear’ on your search bar and you wrote about it yesterday!! I’ve worn the Gap Lace Cheeky for years, but it’s just not cutting it anymore (too much bunching up in the back). I have a very straight build and would love any recs for non-VPL, non-thong options (ideally available in the EU). Thank you!!
I feel you, Sarah! I’ve got a straight build too, and it seems like the majority of offerings these days are for curvier folks. I’ve been disappointed by the cut of a lot of Gap’s underwear, but lately, their Breathe bikinis have been perfect. I honestly think it’s like…80% VPL-free? I also find DKNY’s very hit-or-miss. When it works, though, the results are perfect!
From one straight-shaped Sar to another, thank you!!
Scoggi underwear is decent. They have various styles and fabrics and they last. I would also suggest to size up – much more comfortable!
I only wear black cotton hipster underpants from HEMA. had enough of blood stains in lighter underwear. Can’t imagine G-Strings or anything that rolls or pinches.
HEMA is so great! Love seeing a fellow Dutchie (or NL transplant) here. :)
Okay thank you for bringing this up – underwear stains are so normal and also so annoying. So a few years ago, I had the brilliant idea to switch to all BLACK underwear! Poof – no stains, right?! (Hanes cotton briefs) Well…now all of my underwear have this orangey-rust colored stain instead. Can a girl not just live?!
Hi Anna, I’m actually in Vienna and we got Hema a few years ago. so glad. so many stains, whyyy! but i prefer the rusted variety. My gynaecologist finally convinced me to try the pill against a week of heavy bleeding every three weeks for decades. Now my period has all but vanished and the black panties are all I need now.
My fave undies: https://wirarpa.com/collections/womens-panties/products/wirarpa-womens-multicolored-mid-rise-cotton-briefs-4-pack So comfy!
I love felina briefs with lace waist. So comfy and soft and the lace adds a nice touch. Highly recommend! https://a.co/d/cXb7TQF
Oh, I love their high-waisted lace brief https://www.felina.com/products/stretchy-lace-hi-waisted-boyleg-panty-5-pk
Joanna, did you say you and your husband (?)are watching The Pitt?
Kaitlyn, our newsletter editor, wrote that blurb, not me :) haha no second husband yet!!
OMG I saw that and did a “!!??!?!?!!” too until I saw Kaitlyn at the bottom of the paragraph.
Was combing through the comments trying to see if anyone else caught that!
the pitt is so, so damned good. we loved it. every time i thought i knew what would happen next i was wrong, and every time i thought i had a favorite character i fell in love with a new one. the tension doesn’t let up, but neither does the humanity.
Does The Pitt get into some good juicy store lines? I watched the first episode, and found it super intense [that’s great] but mostly it was ALL medical – and very little of the juicy personal story lines that we all loved in ER. I gave up on it after that one episode, but the rave reviews on COJ have me reconsidering!
I do love my comfy Lane Bryant hipsters and briefs….right up there with Jockeys! My husband made me a rhubarb strawberry crisp for Mothers Day!
I was in the UK a couple of weeks ago and it was rhubarb everything! I’m making some sauce to pour over vanilla ice cream this weekend.
Husband?!
haha that was Kaitlyn who wrote that blurb — our newsletter editor!
Still team no underpants. I reckon I’ve saved a billion dollars by now lol. But more importantly, haven’t lost my mind over sensory ick. That strawberry cake looks amazing, I think I’ll add baking it to my Friday to do list. Seems like the perfect treat.
same team. i own a few pair for the doctor’s office.
In awe of you both! The furthest I’ve gone is skipping them for the occasional stroll around the neighborhood. I’m probably too paranoid to skip them any more often, but I must say, it was nice!
I’m guessing you never wear jeans? Going commando seems like it would be very uncomfortable with any clothing that is sturdy and has crotch seams.
@tess sturdy crotch seams hahah and team no undies over here because they ALL suck!!!!
So funny. No undies would be way more sensory ick for me!
ok but serious question, are you washing your pants after every use? i’d love to go underwear-less, but idk, the discharge?! i usually get multiple wears before washing…
genuine question: do you commando lovers just have no vaginal discharge?!
So, in answer. Yes, I still wear jeans, all the time. Really no different than any other pants in this regard. I apologize in advance for using frank language. It’s just our bodies, right? All of us have different amounts and consistencies of vaginal discharge. Some definitely have more than others. Some have more smell (good, bad, neutral). Some are more or less tolerant of how wet they may feel. No matter the undies, no matter the pants, there will be more airflow with no undies. 29 years of no undies, trust me on this. More air means less smell, and more drying off moisture. So the overall effect is you don’t feel more wet, you feel less wet. Really and truly. As for washing, we all have differing tolerances for how often we wash things. I walk pants based on when I’ve last showered. I super every other, every 2, sometimes every 3 days. Pants I wear on day 3 no shower get washed. Pants one day one may get another wear. I do hang them up to air out. Jeans included. I almost never wash jeans after one wear. I have suppressed my periods since age 40, I’m 52 now. But I didn’t wear undies before that either. Anecdotal, and may be coincidence, but I’ve never had a yeast infection or vaginal infection of any kind. I’ve only had a UTI when I started a new job and was holding it way too long, and coincided with some menopause symptoms too. And just one. Ever. I hope these answers help! Signed, Your commando friend
I’ve been wearing Jockey cotton briefs for decades. I just baked my first rhubarb crisp of the season! I don’t like the texture or taste of cooked strawberries, so I toss in a handful of frozen raspberries instead,along with some grated Meyer lemon zest. My favorite short stories are by Edna Ferber, Dorothy Parker, and Laurie Colwin. So happy to see other people in the comments read them too.
A strawberry is not made to be cooked!
Seconding Jockey briefs! Have been wearing them for decades as well. Every few years I buy several new pairs. I have a few different fabricways and I like them all. I can’t stand having a wedgie and these are the only underwear that doesn’t give me an immediate wedgie while also not being insanely tight on my thighs. I see a lot of underwear complaints on this thread and I think everyone would like Jockey!
I am still on an underwear quest too. I can’t justify $20 per pair; I want to be able to buy a boatload so I never have to “save” the favorites. I hate that. I’ve got some from Soma (vanishing edge microfiber bikini–they DO disappear under leggings, but I don’t love the feeling of the grippy part in the summer), some from gap with a lace top (comfy, but weirdly loose), and some old gap standbys that are fine but not great. I want the perfect cotton bikini (or string bikini) for all occasions, but for under $10 a pair. I’m not sure they exist…
I like the soma cotton ones! The vanishing edge show less but the cotton ones aren’t too bad. The elastic around the leg openings isn’t super tight and they go on sale often.
https://www.jockey.com/catalog/product/jockey-womens-elance-string-bikini-6pack?Color=0001?cm_mmc=gsc-_-Women%27s-Underwear-StringBikinis-_-15406-_-100115500&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping&scid=scplp100115500&sc_intid=100115500&ef_id=CjwKCAjw24vBBhABEiwANFG7y8haLH2v3RQOEJTz1diKW8fAya5r3SKlomPGLEVXueftECgpbyqcgRoCVYwQAvD_BwE:G:s&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=NE%20%7C%20PMAX%20%7C%20Shopping%20%7C%20Catch-All%20%7C%20US&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21399458590&gbraid=0AAAAAD0ZFAkcjKV3cJJusNedGqdZh8_C9&gclid=CjwKCAjw24vBBhABEiwANFG7y8haLH2v3RQOEJTz1diKW8fAya5r3SKlomPGLEVXueftECgpbyqcgRoCVYwQAvD_BwE Try these! The soma vanishing edge are also my go to when I want a smoother line, but these are my fav dailies—they’re under $10/pair, and also go on sale a lot! Whenever I need to restock I sign up for their texts, wait for a sale, buy, and unsubscribe again.
Lady boxers like these are super comfortable. I wear them to bed, under dresses, at the beach as a two pc. Pack like a dream. https://skims.com/products/soft-lounge-boxer-heather-grey?variant=34043295662212&wpsrc=Google%20AdWords&wpcid=18878787002&wpscid=&wpcrid=&wpkwid=&wpkwn=&wpkmatch=&wpsnetn=x&utm_campaign=US_PMax_NonBrand_Push_XX&utm_source=google&utm_content=&utm_term=&utm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=18878794739&gbraid=0AAAAABXxPQLOR72tyY7O7TMwwXkhSZFPd&gclid=CjwKCAjw24vBBhABEiwANFG7y8aERovbVn1UOD-E0AXSsBRgf6vffcYjvRZ2u9SgXIkE8H0Cyr_FVhoCORQQAvD_BwE Watched, The Wedding Banquet with Bowen Yang and Lily Gladstone. Fun comedy. Reading, The Wife by Alafair Burke. Made homemade rice pudding with rhubarb compote. SKitchen recipe.
I just made that very strawberry cake for my mom for Mother’s Day this weekend! I have been making it regularly since I first saw it here.
I know this was unintentional, but I’m giggling at Dr Robby essentially striking the same pose as Joanna. Power pose!!
i loved that, too! i think we should call it The Stethoscope Stance, with a power grip.
I need undies that HUG my cheeks- I don’t understand how those ones posted don’t give wedgies all day long. I wear Jockey no panty line promise in a stretchy fabric that isn’t cotton but I couldn’t tell you what it is!
My fun thing lately is that the Instagram algorithm seems to have decided I’m a trust-fund mermaid, and it serves me up all this niche marine finery that, in fairness, I would totally buy if my great-grandfather was the governor of Atlantis or whatever. Today it offered me crab bells: https://www.1stdibs.com/furniture/more-furniture-collectibles/collectibles-curiosities/musical-instruments/pair-of-counter-top-courtesy-crab-bells-very-rare-unusual/id-f_43072732/ And for a while it was checking in on me once a week or so on a sterling shrimp: https://www.invaluable.com/auction-lot/buccellati-hand-made-sterling-silver-shrimp-92-c-c32449a8d0 Hooray for confounding AI for a little while longer, I guess? I am dying to know what would show up if you dinged one of those crab bells.
Dying
Crab bells made me LOL
What would show up if you dinged the crab bell ? The entire cast of The Little Mermaid?
$1077 for the crab bells?! I mean MAYBE for $77 but over $1k! Wow.
I imagine Poseidon’s receptionist responding to the very rare and unusual crab bell, and she is a giant octopus with eyeglasses on a chain who calls everyone “my pearl”.
I would totally buy a crab bell for like $30.
Once again, Lauren O. wins the internet
Just clicked on the crab bells (tempting fate!) and they are SOLD lol. Wouldn’t it be fun to know who bought them and what for???
Oh my god and the buyer BARGAINED! A true dinglehopper!
The Pitt is so good!!! Couldn’t get it out of my mind after watching
String bikini is a very “good for her, not for me” rec, haha. If, like me, you’ve got a big ass, then you probably also wear cheeky underwear (the ass swallows everything- this saves it time). I love the Aerie seamless cotton cheeky. It’s brilliant design. So comfy and all cotton so you’re not stifling your bits.
“the ass swallows everything – this saves it time” Well I’m dead.
Fun fact, I live in southeast asia where strawberry season is in the winter! As soon as we see strawberries being sold on the side of the road we make the cake recipe on repeat. It’s always a crowd-pleaser. I’ve even taught some of my local friends how to make it!
We are also pacing out and now at Episode 11 of THE PITT, which is the “yes, Doctor” equivalent of THE BEAR in this apartment. Mostly I mean that it’s deft, satisfying storytelling and that friends in emergency medicine say that it’s very true to their experience, but I don’t NOT mean that Noah Wyle remains a snack.
Question–I have a colleague, whom I’ve worked with for over ten years, who is hot and cold toward me socially. During my divorce (which I think she disapproved of), she shunned me (really inappropriately); then she felt guilty and embarrassed, I think, and we became friendlier again; I got sick, and shared some of my illness updates with her; and then most recently she’s ghosted completely. I feel like I overestimated how much our work friendship had normalized/improved since her odd shunning behavior. My guess is that she sees me as a considerate and respectful colleague and good-hearted person but as a little bit too off-the-beaten-path. That’s fine; I’ve lowered my expectations considerably. My question is, in a case like this, is there ever anything to be gained by apologizing for oversharing/putting the other person in an awkward position? No, right? In this case, I had been sharing some information about a major health decline, then mentioned that I had been having PTSD symptoms and panic attacks from the experience of being deathly ill and alone for a few days while also too ill to get out of bed…it was a complicated situation. In retrospect, I should never have mentioned the PTSD stuff, and I regret it deeply. I thought we had become close enough that I could mention it. I’m obviously done sharing medical info with her, but I’m wondering if I should ever say something light like, “Oh, sorry for the oversharing while I was sick, I got a little bit of cabin fever while I was getting better! Thanks for putting up with me.” I’m guessing it’s better just to let it ride/not say anything…just revert back to work-only conversations while also treating her pleasantly and just being a good colleague, and let time do its work. Is that best? (In case it matters, I’m autistic, and I’m not always great at judging how much to share with whom.)
Lilian— I think you should let time do its work. I’m sorry you were so sick and hope you’re feeling much better now. Work friendships can be really tricky to navigate sometimes so you’re not alone! Xo
Hey Lilian! Maybe it’s my social anxiety bias, but yeah, were it me, I’d probably avoid addressing it, and try to go back to whatever normal looks like between you two. I definitely would NOT think you’ve burdened her in any way, though! We don’t owe our colleagues bestie status, sure, but it sounds like she’s pretty inconsistent. Congratulations on this new chapter – post-divorce and post-illness!
You are fine! You have nothing to apologize for. You were open and honest with someone whom you thought you had a relationship. She sounds like a moody cow to me, but my mother,who is a far better person than me, would say that your coworker no doubt has her own problems. And that her withdrawal almost certainly has nothing to do with you or anything you said.
Lilian, I actually think your idea about mentioning it in a light manner and then stepping away from it and her a bit is a great idea. It shows a great deal of insight, and then lets her respond or not as she is comfortable. People who share a whole bunch can make me uncomfortable and cause me to steer away, but if I got that sort of response a while later, I’d probably reconsider. You’ve got to remember, though, that she may not know what to do with it, and it might take her some time to come around. At that point, you be confident you tried and it’s not really about you, okay? Good luck!
she’s a work friend. dont take it further.
Agree with the leaving it be and just letting time do the work. Also, YES to Cate’s comment “that your coworker no doubt has her own problems. And that her withdrawal almost certainly has nothing to do with you or anything you said.” It’s so true – everyone has their own problems and you have no insight as to why she’s behaving as she is. The ghosting thing probably makes her unavailable as a potential friend, so I’d revert back to a professional working relationship, rather than anything else.
So very sorry to read of your divorce (always an intense transition) and health issues. That is so much to navigate. I hope you are feeling better. In these circumstances (work) I like your let it ride/ let time do it’s work approach. If you had some information from her about what triggered her distance then maybe you could address it, but she hasn’t said, and it’s tricky business to guess. But whatever is going on, sounds like it’s her issue, not yours and she is not doing her part in your friendship. Like someone else said, she likely has her own problems to deal with. Good luck! feel better soon!
Just made the Chewy Frosted Tahini Cookies from Molly Yeh’s Sweet Farm. YUM!
Recommending the book American Sirens by Kevin Hazzard. It’s about the Pittsburgh Freedom House, the first paramedic service in the US that was created to serve black communities and operated primarily by black men. Freedom House is spotlighted in the 2nd episode of The Pitt, which piqued my interest in learning more about it.
I second this recommendation! It’s a non-fiction book that reads like a novel. Really cool story.
Kate, thank you so much for this rec! I also wanted to know more. Thank you! xo
I’m going to be in NYC next week, what amazing timing- just signed up for your event, Joanna! I can’t wait!
I’m so glad Marisa!
On the topic of undies – has anyone found a replacement for the Arq High Rise (sexy to some of us)?
I just got an email from ARQ today. They’re going to try small batch sales via email drops only!
Oh, I will be watching this for helpful tips! I miss Arq.
https://shoparq.com/en-ca/password?srsltid=AfmBOoq16HX9PYAbc4oC4c9PcdFM_q4R1iTlTOnWHg79FbTv4HQogcL5 (I just got an email from ARQ today…hoping they will release some of the high-rise ones :)
Just got an email from Arq—they’re coming back!!!
OMG I love my Arqs and was so glad I stocked up before they closed – only to stretch them out while pregnant 😫. This is great news!!!!
sexy everyday underwear = “lace shorty” from gap body. I have 15 pairs in black.
Voicing another recommendation for Gap Body! Their Breathe line is the only one I’ve *consistently* loved out of any brand, ever.
Really easy and delicious cake – https://preppykitchen.com/peach-cobbler-cake from John Kanell of Preppy Kitchen.
I looove that strawberry cake recipe. It always looks like it took way more effort than it actually did. Can make it for guests and breezily say, “oh, it was nothing!”
The Pitt is so good!! One of my favorite shows this year. I could watch it every week.
I NEED more info on throwing 50 dinner parties a year. I LOVE parties like nobody’s business and must know more!!!
I have a very specific question for the hive mind! The other half of my two person book club is moving right now, so we’d like to do a short story instead of a whole book this month. Hoping for something that isn’t disturbing (looking at you, Emma Cline! lol) but also isn’t fluff, and a New Yorker piece if possible, since they’re very easy to get from the library!
I just started reading magic for beginners (based on a cup of jo ref) which is a collection of short stories. I’ve only read one so far, but it was wonderful.
It’s old old old, but if you’ve never read “Brokeback Mountain” (the original Annie Proulx short story on which the movie is based), do. It’s beautifully tender yet brutal and socially relevant as ever. Free on the New York site, as far as I can tell: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1997/10/13/brokeback-mountain
The collected short stories of Dorothy Parker — yes they’re light, but hysterical and often thought provoking. Joyce Carol Oates short stories, and for a very different read the collected storied of Somerset Maugham, which will transport you to another time and place, but be aware, they are from a very different era, and are often not politically correct, although they offer a fascinating glimpse of the twilight of the British Empire
Jhumpa Lahiri has a newish short story collection called “Roman Stories” a couple of them have been in the New Yorker the past few years and I highly recommend.
Not new, but throwing a rec for Unaccustomed Earth by Pulitzer Prize winner, Jhumpa Lahiri. Won NYT best book of the year. It’s a book of short stories that’s one of my fave. The prose is gorgeous and there’s so much to discuss with each story. https://bookshop.org/p/books/unaccustomed-earth-jhumpa-lahiri/8721763?ean=9780307278258&next=t
My short story club has been working our way through the story collection from Ben Shattuck called The History of Sound. The stories are paired — two stories covering the same plot but from totally different points of view — and it makes for really fun discussions.
I really liked “The Lone Pilgrim” by Laurie Colwin. Published in The New Yorker (April 12, 1976). Its also available as book of short stories, which are also good. Happy reading!
Anything by Claire Keegan! Foster is wonderful and even shorter, So Late in the Day.
I read the John Updike story “A&P” (New Yorker July 22, 1961) in a high school English class and I still think about it. The other one, more recent, would be “Cat Person” by Kristen Roupenian, from Dec 2017, if you haven’t read it.
The first short story that came to mind for me is Haruki Murakami’s eely, marvelous “Sleep,” which is haunting and lovely; it was in the New Yorker in 1992 and you can also find the whole text online! I haven’t read it in years and, er, have had trouble sleeping since then (the narrator completely loses the ability to sleep, then Things Happen), so I’m going to revisit it now myself, too! The text: https://mylostwords.blogspot.com/2009/01/haruki-murakami-sleep.html The NYer featuring it: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1992/03/30/sleep-4
Second the Roman Stories rec! I’ve told countless people to read it. Achingly beautiful writing.
Five Tuesdays in Winter by Lily King
for fiction – George Saunders or Kurt Vonnegut I love non fiction esays by Rebecca Solnit, Terry Tempest Williams or Barry Lopez. So amazing and wonderful
Galatea by Madeline Miller!
I agree Maugham is terrific – yes a different time but surely we can moderate our own feelings? He’s less of a fuckwit than literally every single world leader out there…. but also, have you read The Merry-Go-Round? I think that is my favourite female character ever!
I LOVED the collection of stories in Roar by Cecilia Ahern. So powerful but also wry, witty and clever. You know that saying “I wished the ground would have swallowed me up”? Cecilia Ahern’s imagining of exactly that situation was brilliant. The story is called “The Woman Who Was Swallowed Up by the Floor and Who Met Lots of Other Women Down There, Too”.
Start at the top: Edith Wharton! Henry James! Kate Chopin. And if you can manage a novella, “Lady Susan” by Jane Austen is wickedly funny. I also second the Laurie Colwin recommendation. And Claire Keegan.
Omg, I knew this would be the place to ask!! Thank you so much everyone! Can’t wait to dig in.
Tim O’Brien’s short stories The Things they Carried will break your heart. Curtis Sittenfeld has a brand new collection Show don’t Tell that is getting great reviews – have not read it yet. John Knowles wrote a collection called Phineas – underrated gem. He wrote A Separate Peace which is a masterpiece but to be honest I loved A Stolen Past even more – it’s a beautiful novel about aging aristocrats from Russian raising their son here. The college age son is trying to navigate their world and his – gorgeous book. Hope that helps!
Adam!! Secrets of the Best Chefs is a forever favorite, I bought it while I was in college and it’s followed me around! What a delight to see you turn your hand to fiction. Kudos!!
Fruit of the Loom Women’s Eversoft Cotton Hipster Underwear. Not sexy, exactly, but they are so comfy and easy that I just replaced my entire underwear drawer. It also helped that I finally overcame my vanity and ordered a size larger than what I’d been buying!
The string bikinis always rule!!
Exactly! I wear jockey’s cotton string bikinis