Have a Beautiful Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Toby’s baseball season just started and it’s really fun to have an excuse to sit on a picnic blanket for two hours. Also, Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms, mother figures, moms-to-be, and sending a heartfelt note to those who are trying, hoping and wishing. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Do you think of yourself as a motherless daughter? 10 women talk about why they do. (Big Salad, free to read)
This IKEA duvet looks like a Swedish heirloom.
Tomato-lentil soup with goat cheese, yummmmm. (NYT gift link)
No one talks about the mental health impact of being undocumented. (Harper’s Bazaar)
Dan Pelosi’s guide to displaying tulips. Some great tips here!
50 ways to be generous. “Give a compliment to three strangers: a child, someone your own age, and an elder. Try to share a compliment that’s not related to their physical appearance.”
Whoa, what a comfy house in England.
Love this white denim dress (with pockets).
What’s your favorite bookstore and why? Also, what are you reading these days? I’m in a rut!
Instant meatballs — this is so smart.
I love the slouch of this striped shirt (on sale).
Plus, two reader comments…
Says Diane on 21 completely subjective rules for raising teenage boys: “My son was 11 when I first read this absolutely gorgeous list of rules. I printed them out because in 2018 I still did that. As I was filing my now 18-year-old son’s high school graduation announcement, I came upon my trusty print out! After a hefty sigh, especially rereading #20 and recently having made that exact order, I clutched the pages against my heart. Cup of Jo et al., you have my undying gratitude, for being the therapist I never paid for, the friend I never knew I had, and the author of so many happy stories that permanently reside in my head!”
Says Hali on a really good five-minute dinner: “A couple of weeks ago I threw one tin of Trader Joe’s Greek parsley cumin chickpeas, one can of regular chickpeas, and some scrounged veggies on a sheet pan, then baked them in the oven. Everyone in my family ate it happily. There should be a word for the feeling you get when everyone in your family enjoys something you prepared. Thank god for beans! TGFB!”
(Photo by Helen Rushbrook/Stocksy.)
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Comments
127 commentsI also appreciated the motherless daughter article, as someone who was under-mothered then lost my mom when I was 38 and my son was 6. One of the hard parts of her death was accepting that we will never have the chance to heal our relationship. The article also made me remember that after I became pregnant my mom gifted me a book titled Mothering Without A Map: the search for the good mother within, by Kathryn Black. It was disorienting to have my mom acknowledge that I may not be able to rely on my experience of her mothering to guide me as I journeyed through motherhood myself. And when she died I lost the opportunity for her to share what she learned as a mother. I don’t think I read the book when she gave it to me but it was 18 years ago. I just read it over Morhers Day weekend and I highly recommend it. It’s a powerful acknowledgement of those of us who were under-mothered for whatever reason (including a mother’s physical absence). And it is a powerful source of encouragement and hope that we have the ability to heal and grow to become “good” mothers. Now I’ve found a way on Mother’s Day to miss my mom and honor her while celebrating myself as the mother I intended to be.
I would recommend anything by Carley Fortune. Recently though, she released “One Golden Summer”. It’s romantic and lovely. And bonus, she’s a Canadian author! :)
I love her books, too, I’m saving her new one for vacation and am so impatient to read it!
I am enamoured of Charles Mackesy’s The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse.
The Hollow Half by Sarah Aziza – (a memoir of Bodies & Borders) is so beautifully written and feels like a page turner, despite being about tough subjects (it’s memoir by a Palestinian American writer) Salt Houses by Hala Alyan another NYC based Palestinian Àmerican writer -sprawling family historical fiction book also beautifully written & hard to put down; becoming invested in the inner lives of the characters. You also might like Hala Alyan’s poetry (the moon that turns you back)
The ’21 Completely Subjective Rules for Raising Teenage Boys’ is my most referred-to Cup of Jo posts ever. :-)
When every new book is just “meh,” I go to the classics. I just read “Huck Finn” (and “James”) for the first time, and I loved them both. At someone’s recommendation, I ready “Brooklyn” by Colm Toibin, but all it did was make me long for the perfection of “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn,” so I picked that up for another read this morning.
I have been saying goodbye to different versions of my mom for years. When I was 28 and she was 50 she had a stroke and for the first time in my life she was critical and hardened. I didn’t recognize this woman who was such an integral part of me. We had always been extremely close, she was my best friend. She was more emotional and less agreeable but I greeted this new version of my mom and said goodbye to my old friend. When she was 62 she had a masssive heart attack and died during the helicopter ride that transported her to a hospital that was more equipped to handle her urgent situation. She was brought back and underwent a quadruple bypass surgery that saved her life but I wonder how things would have been different if they had just let her slip away. A few years later she had a seizure while driving and she crashed head on into a tree at full speed with my grandmother as a passenger. My 85 year old grandmother broke over 20 bones in her body and had a very long recovery, my mom sustained a traumatic brain injury that forever changed her. Now my mom has Alzheimer’s disease and the decline was slow at first but it is chasing her downhill at increasing speed. On Mother’s Day I was able to FaceTime with her (I live on the opposite coast) and when I told her she was such an incredible mom and that I loved her so very much, she stared at me blankly and said “ok.” I said I was so happy to see her beautiful face and then we hung up and my husband held me and told me how sorry he was as I cried in his arms.
Sending lots of love, Heather, and thank you so much for sharing. My mom had a stroke almost 7 years ago and it drastically changed our relationship. I’m not sure if she’s mad because I didn’t take enough time off to help her (or do enough in general, or if anything would have been “enough”) – or if she’s disappointed in herself for not being able to be the mom/friend/grandma that she thought she’d be. She was at my son’s football game this Saturday and would barely speak to me, she never answers the phone when I call weekly to say hi. I also cried this weekend, with the comfort of my husband. I waver between being so grateful to have created a loving and supportive family, and missing that my mom isn’t really a part of it. I feel a little less alone in that today and appreciate you for being vulnerable.
Wishing you comfort and peace, Heather.
oh heather, this sounds so hard. I’m so sorry and sending you warm hug.
I’m so sorry Heather. Your story is just plain heartbreaking. Sending very gentle hugs. I hope you have moments where your mom of long ago is still in your heart and you can feel that comfort and love.
Sara, I’m so sorry. Your mom is missing so much love. That’s just sad, all around. I will never understand how people can make choices like that, how understanding can’t help people move on. My gosh, therapy, right? Work on your shit maybe. I know i value having a loving relationship with my daughters just about more than anything. I’ve worked so hard to repair things, to just take a deep breath and move on sometimes, to recognize my part in their issues. To ask myself, what do I really want? To love them. To be loved. To be on their lives. That’s worth some serious work. Anyways, crying for you over here. Hoping you are on today.
I’m reading the “Have a Beautiful Weekend” post on the Monday after Mother’s Day, and read the “Motherless Daughters” article first. While I was reading about the mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I thought wow…that sounds just like Mom. And then realized that it was my comment, written several years ago! Thank you for making me a published author! My Mom died in January 2024, two days shy of her 92nd birthday. I had been taking care of her for a long time, but her death was still surprising, mostly because she was so, so stubborn and I was sure she would live forever just because she wanted to. A friend called me yesterday to check in, and I could truthfully say that Mother’s Day without my Mom is a lot easier than Mother’s Day with my Mom. There was always some sort of criticism or drama on that day, and now it feels a lot more peaceful. I don’t exactly miss my mom (which is weird to admit), but I am able to hold her memory with more care and gentleness than I though I would. She did the best she could, and her own mother’s mental illness affected her life just like she affected mine. She lived a very full, happy life, she was charismatic and generous, super creative and a dedicated and appreciative reader, and she and my dad were happily married for 56 years; those are the parts of her that I want to carry with me and remember the most.
I appreciate this comment. The last few years I have been helping my parents so much, while my siblings do not help at all. I find myself feeling very taken for granted. When I draw boundaries or have any expectations it generally does not go well. Your comment is a great reminder to focus on my mom’s strengths, even if they were things she did when she was younger. Everyone needs a lot of grace and I will continue to protect my own well being from her unreasonable expectations. Thank you.
I have to fix a couple typos… …more care and gentleness than I thought I would. and Mom and Dad were married for a happy 46 years, not 56, until his death in 2014.
Thank you for the motherless daughter article. I lost my mother a month ago, and have a 16 month old son. There is a very specific grief when one has just become a mother and then loses her mother. I am looking out for a grief support group if anyone knows of anything. Online is great, I’m in Canada. Also I had an extremely difficult relationship with my mom, so it’s hard to see all the idealized mother daughter relationships on Mother’s Day when I never got to experience that myself. Hugs to anyone else in a similar situation
One delightful way to pay a compliment to an older child – ask them to take your group picture when you’re out and about. The other day I asked a girl who looked about 9 to take our family’s photo, and she was so pleased! It made my day (and she knew instinctively how to get a perfect pic, no direction required).
I get many of my book recommendations from Cup of Jo! I started logging everything I’ve read in the past few years. This year I’ve read WAY less than other years (thanks, pregnancy insomnia and TikTok addiction), but a few favorites include: -Ina Garten’s ‘Be Ready When the Luck Happens’ -‘Every Summer After’ Carly Fortune -‘When the Moon Hatched’, fantasy – ‘Quicksilver’, fantasy My favorites of 2024: -‘Pineapple Street’ -‘Blue Sisters’ -‘The Women’ -‘All Fours’ -‘Fates and Furies’ -‘The Many Daughters of Afong Wong’ -‘Good Material’ -‘Just for the Summer’ -‘The Hearts Invisible Furies’ -‘Pachinko’ -‘The Husbands’
I’m in the middle of Pineapple Street and it’s so good! Funny, and well-written.
My friend owns an independent bookstore, Papercut Books (in Wilmington, NC). It’s my favorite bookstore because it’s scrappy, it has character, and there’s even a monthly bookclub that gives us the most amazing community and deep conversations about the books we read.
Currently reading (and enjoying) The God of the Woods by Liz Moore, and before that finished Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino – just a wonderful, insightful, touching read. Many mixed feelings for me this Mother’s Day – soaking in what could be my last one with both my kids (son is off to college at the end of the summer) and missing my mom, who is suffering from late-stage dementia. A member of the motherless crew who isn’t quite sure when she lost her mother – such a creeping process that none of us understood or were aware of. No sudden loss to mark before and after, no crisp memories of the last time we had a real conversation, the last time we laughed together, the last time we hugged. She’s still here, but she’s not, and I can’t remember what it feels like to be mothered.
Oh I inhaled God of the Woods–loved it much more than Long Bright River–found this story and writing to be mesmerizing. Was so sad to finish it!
Did something change with the formatting on the comments? Everything looks very crowded and spaced close together.
And when I try to create a comment/reply, I’m not seeing the titles for the text boxes (ie, Name, email). I had to go off memory! I’ve tried my phone/pc and different web browsers.
yes, so sorry! our developer has been fixing some other things, and everything is connected, so we’re working out the kinks! should be fixed very soon, thank you so much for flagging and reading xoxoxo
A few days later, I still have this problem but good to know your team is on it!
I am reading THE LION WOMEN OF TEHRAN by Marjam Kamali and loving it so far. I want to turn the pages as fast as I can, yet also am savoring every word. My favorite bookstore is Monstera Books in Overland Park, KS. It is a year-old book and plant store. I’ve been making a point to pre-order and order from them, but always go to in-store pickup because I love it there. Inevitably, I end up with another book or two, but I’m becoming a regular and it’s so nice to walk in and be greeted by my name and a new book recommendation from the owner who reads similarly.
Was coming here go recommend Lion Women of Tehran! So good!!
The Women by Kristin Hannah! So so good.
I’m reading “In Other Words” by Jhumpa Lahiri and translated from Italian by Ann Goldstein. It’s good!
I recently read Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver – and oh my gosh. I read a lot and as an adult much of that reading is light – for entertainment and distraction. In a way, I’d forgotten what truly luminescent -cut-above-the-rest – literature can be like. This is it. Is it a heavy subject? Yes yes and yes. Is it dense and unapproachable? Absolutely not. Please read this book.
YES, seconding this. Finished it a couple weeks ago and I’m still feeling it. I’ve loved all of Barbara Kingsolver’s books that I’ve read but this was something else.
I read this one right after “Empire of Pain” and WOW!
HEAR HEAR! I loved it. And for what it is worth, I had the same reservations about reading The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese given its length and subject matter. But it was as powerful and transcendent and accessible (more, even) as Demon Copperhead given the exquisite writing. These were my two favourite books of 2024, and I cannot recommend them enough!
Could you do a post on raising an only child/being an only child? For various reasons mostly around my health, we’re likely going to be one and done and there’s so much pressure in the world to “give your kid a sibling.” I’d love some reassurance from people who were only kids and parents who are raising only kids. thank you!
Hi! Yes we have actually done one in the past :) https://cupofjo.com/2018/01/22/on-having-an-only-child/
Hi RC, Just a note to say: I see you! It took me time to accept that we are a “one and done” family, but it made the most sense for my health and for my partner. I had to mourn knowing that I won’t have another baby (mostly I felt like, “But I’ve learned so much! I want to do it again so I can do it better!”), yet now I’m really grateful for all the things I get to do with just one kid. It’s easy to ride the bus, to travel, even to have adventures in the woods near our neighborhood. I have a backpack diaper bag, with 2 water bottle pockets: one for my 2 year-old and one for me. Now that it’s warm out, I pack a little picnic, our water bottles, diapers, a sunscreen stick, and a change of clothes, and we’re off to see the world! I’ve also found that kids are happier sharing toys and taking turns when they don’t have to do it all the time! (Totally the opposite of what I expected.) There are so many good things about having a child. I once read a COJ comment that said instead of thinking of her child as “just one kid” she reframed it as “more than enough,” meaning more than enough joy, more than enough of a miracle, etc. It was in the context of infertility, but I’ve held on to those words for years, and it’s how I try to think of it, too.
One son and we waited seven years before we had a child. I joined a Mom’s group who also decided on one child (for many reasons). Our son is 35 today. He has zero hangups about being an only child, very independent self starter and very social. Whatever thoughts I had back then disappeared as HE thrived. As for all the reactions by others to having one child, my standard reply was, 3 Musketeers!
I recommend this book: https://bookshop.org/p/books/one-and-only-the-freedom-of-having-an-only-child-and-the-joy-of-being-one-lauren-sandler/7060360?ean=9781451626964&next=t I am an only who planned on two and decided to stop at one after early years of parenting. I have a full life and a rich, loving relationship with my only. She’s close with cousins and friends and has a strong, healthy relationship with with me and her dad, even as an older teen.
We have a very joyful, kind and independent only child. We always make sure he has lots of activities that are social, tons of play dates, camps, etc. We are also extremely lucky to live in a neighborhood where kids run from house to house to play. He has a lot of people in his life. When he was about 4 and started to become aware that some of his friends were getting new babies in their families, he would ask when his new baby was coming. That hurt my heart. But we were very comfortable in our decision to only have one (I went through IVF to have him and didn’t feel I could do it again). He won’t have the experience of having a sibling, but he will have many other wonderful experiences. He is happy and we are happy.
I am an only child and so is my husband! Neither of us feel anything was lacking in our upbringings, and my husband would like to point out he would be very happy if we were a one-and-done family as well. I have a magically close relationship with both my parents that walks a great line I hope to replicate with my own kid: partners in crime from a very young age without them lacking authority, unconditional love always on both ends, and increasingly friends as I have grown up today. My mom in particular, I think, as a busy working mom, felt like she was better able to give me the level of interaction she wanted without compromising on other parts of her identity, by choosing to be one-and-done. I would change nothing about my life and childhood. All paths can be equally great and wonderful, what matters is that mom + dad + kid(s) are happy and healthy. If that’s a million kids, great! If it’s one, great! As a one, I can personally vouch it worked well, at least over here, because that was the configuration that enabled my parents to be the best version of themselves and therefore create the happiest childhood (and I am a happy extrovert who shares well, etc – always told “you don’t seem like an only child” – I think the “only child” PR is way worse than the reality)
I’m raising an only child! He also has only one first cousin, who is an only child. I have a cousin who is an only child (raised by a single mom, and he is amazing), and he is raising an only child. So there are lots of only children in my extended family. I wasn’t an only child growing up, but my sister passed away, so now I’m an adult only child.
I’m an only child and was considering having an only myself but life gave me twins! Honestly, when I see people with truly close sibling relationships I wish I had that, but there are no guarantees and I feel like those types of relationships are rare. Unfortunately I know way more people with somewhat distant or even problematic relationships with their siblings. Other than occasional wistful thinking, I have no problems with how I was raised and appreciate the opportunities given to me as an only child. So if you are considering another kid just to give your first a sibling, I hereby give you permission to not do it and feel zero guilt about it :) As long as you don’t feel a deep longing for a certain number of kids, I think single kids are a key to a happy marriage and a well balanced life. Plus there are just too many people on the planet consuming beyond earth’s means! We cannot keep growing exponentially or even sustain life long term at our current consumption levels. If you think you might be happy with one, I think it is a great choice on many levels.
@Elisabeth Egan, I’m an anti-consumerist parent! If you ever want to connect or share strategies, I would love to talk. I think caring for our planet is one of my most important responsibilities as a parent, but I haven’t met many people who think this way (though sometimes they are excited to learn and try after seeing how my family lives!). I have found it so joyful and easeful, contrary to the constant struggle I imagined when I was living a consumerist lifestyle geared toward “convenience.”
Hi RC! There isn’t a lot out there and as your child gets older you will always see people having more and more children. It is okay to only have one child. My husband and I only have one daughter – she is almost five. She is absolutely perfect. We waited to have children – I was 36, he was 43 by choice. We always knew we only wanted one. At first it bothered me a bit, the questions, the assumption that a singleton will be lonely and bored. Or the assumption that your child is missing out something because you are being selfish. Then I stopped caring. I love having only one child by choice. Now when someone asks, I just say, we can pour all the attention and resources into her, it’s great for us. Don’t let it bother you! It’s actually a great thing!
Late to the party but I am a singleton (mid 50s), and my daughter is also a singleton. I firmly believe that singletons are more creative -they have to be- there’s no one else to rely on having fun with, haha! All joking aside, I do believe we tend to be more creative, resourceful, and ultimately, more confident in who we are… at least it’s how I grew up and how I hope I’m raising my one and only.
Hi! I’m an only child and I will honestly say that I have challenges, but none that were/are insurmountable. I was raised for part of my youth by my single mom. We were poor and she sacrificed a lot to make sure that I went to a good school, learned as many skills as possible, and learned how to be kind and humble. There were many things about personal relationships that I didn’t learn until young adulthood, because I rarely had to share or deal with other people in close quarters. I don’t think I missed out on anything though.
Oh I LOVE having one child, for numerous reasons but I will mention just one here. The financial stress of having a second would compromise absolutely everything we love about having one child. That financial breathing room really makes a huge difference in our lives. Good luck! 1 is wonderful and you’re doing a great job.
Hi Smoothliminal – sure I’d love to connect! Do you have an email you’d feel comfortable sharing publicly or some other way to get in touch? Otherwise I can figure something out and share here again
I’m only checking back today and am in tears reading so many encouraging messages. The CoJ commenteriat is truly amazing. Thank you thank you thank you.
I can tell you that since it takes at least two people to raise one child, by design, it only makes sense to have more IF you are fortunate enough to have ‘a village’ of support, ie: willing, capable family nearby, or can hire nanny’s/babysitters, afford daycare x2 etc. Plus, a child that receives the full attention of both parents has the most opportunity to feel fully loved and appreciated and cared for in a way that often gets diluted when there are more children because this is not the olden days and most people do NOT have the full on village it takes to raise a child. One child IS OK and enough! Enjoy them!
The View From Breast Pocket Mountain by Karen Hill Anton. It’s a memoir about a writer, growing up in Harlem, leaving the US in the ’60s to work, hitchhike and travel parts of Europe and Asia. She eventually makes a home in Japan with her husband and children. So good.
I love Politics and Prose in DC, and my current reads are ‘A House for Miss Pauline’ by Diana Macaulay, who I’m so excited to see at the Calabash Literary Festival in a couple of weeks, and ‘Dear Writer’ by Maggie Smith – a jewel of a book for a budding writer (which I am).
I found the article about the undocumented immigrant upsetting. I’m not sure there is any excuse for domestic violence; undocumented trauma or not. It’s tiring to hear excuses for abuse.
Show Don’t Tell by Curtis Sittenfeld – short stories about women in their mid life – really enjoyed and would be good for getting out of a reading rut!
After reading a couple of books about (/ the aftereffects) of WWI (The Eights! It’s great! and The Absolutist) I just started The Fall of Giants by Ken Follett. The heft of the book was a bit unappealing (because I am taking my first weekend away since becoming a parent 7.5 years ago!) but I’m on the Libby waitlist for the ebook. Anyway, everyone, it’s GREAT. I am not a history buff but I am finding this so fascinating! Downton Abbey vibes, etc.
Hey, friends. I’ll be spending several days in Portland, OR this week. I’d love to hear any recommendations you may have. I’m staying in the Nob Hill/Slabtown area. Thanks!
Powells books — amazing, family owned. Stroll down NW 23th street Small hikes in forest Park, on a clear day head up to Pittock Mansion Day trip to Hood River Food–G love in Slabtown Cascada Spa
Afuri is another great restaurant in that area…delicious Japanese food. And if you like ice cream, Fifty Licks and Eb and Bean are great places.
Hit the Rose Garden up in Washington Park- the flowers right now are just popping off! Saturday farmers market at PSU is always a lovely bustle of amazing food and buzzy energy. Head over the river to the Kearns neighborhood (NE 28th ave and Glisan more or less) plethora of great restaurant and good people watching.
Ditto Powells and PSU Farmers Market! Those are my top two suggestions for visitors with a day in PDX. In the Nob Hill area, eat at Elephant’s Deli. Nice spot to sit and people watch, but a great grab-and-go for picnics and outings. Deschutes Brewery, Pine State Biscuits, Andina Peruvian, and Jake’s Crawfish are other great places we like to take guests (and ourselves) Portland Saturday Market (art fair on the waterfront, not the same as the PSU farmer’s market) For SE fun browse Cargo and eat at Shalom Y’all. It’s near OMSI. You can rent bikes and follow the waterfront park/eastbank esplande and Tilikum bridge to get there, which is fun on it’s own. The Mississippi area in NE is also a great place to wander. Start with breakfast at Gravy or Broder Nord and stay through lunch at Mississippi Pizza, Por Que No, Cubo, or the food pods. If you’ll have kids in the summer, go to Tanner Springs park in NW for wading and Miss Oz ice cream. Hopscotch art experience Chinese Garden (the area around it has unfortunately gotten a bit sketchy, but the garden is a dream) Day trips: Waterfall hike at Silver Creek Falls, Astoria on the coast, Wine Tasting in Yamhill Hopscotch art experience Chinese Garden (the area around it has unfortunately gotten a bit sketchy, but the garden is a dream) Day trips: Waterfall hike at Silver Creek Falls, Astoria on the coast, Wine Tasting in Yamhill
There are 3 PNW bookstores that have my whole heart – Cloud and Leaf in Manzanita, OR, Lopez Bookshop on Lopez Island, and my own local Phinney Books in Seattle. All such gentle, big hearted, generous spaces.
Cloud and Leaf is so well curated! I love that place.
Is anyone else not receiving notifications of replies to their comments anymore on here, even if you select ‘notify of new replies to this comment?’ I used to get an email but this year so far I have not received notifications even when people have replied. I also contacted the Cup of Jo team via email about it but haven’t heard back.
Same, I no longer receive emails about responses to my comments, even though I press notify me of new replies.
Same
I know the author of “50 ways to be generous” was coming from a good place, but personally I would never take a coffee from a stranger at a bus stop, or a homemade treat from an unknown cook, even with a list of ingredients provided…
My zero cost acts of generosity would include; 1. Pick up litter 2. Give a crinkly eyed smile 3. Leave a good review for a business I like 4. Give a shout-out online to my friends and family for small business that I like 5. Walk a little slower and make time for people to pet my dog 6. Hold open a door for someone, especially if they have their hands full. 7. Share an optimistic quip about a place you are “I love this supermarket, it’s wonderful isn’t it” “the sea is lovely this morning” 8. Speak warmly to anyone who speaks with you, especially telephone helpers like those that work for the bank. 9. Let someone into traffic 10. Give an enthusiastic wave when someone lets you into traffic. I could go on forever. I love generosity.
I read 1. as “pick up a new bag of kitty litter for me,” cause damn, that stuff is heavy and buying it is possibly my least favourite errand lol!
Haha Liz that’s great. I would do that for you. What is the word for litter in the US? Trash? That’s so broad!
Oh my – I am filling out graduation announcement for my youngest daughter. I reread the list and #20 and oh man…..
If you are a Motherless Daughter and are able to attend one of Hope Edelman’s (the author of Motherless Daughters) retreats, you 1000000% should. She even offers scholarships. I went a couple of years ago and my group is still in touch. We plan annual reunions and people fly from all over. It’s amazing. Bonus points if the retreat is in Topanga because its gorgeous there, and then you can take a solo road trip up the coast like I did :)
I am so so happy I saw this comment today.! I have a copy of Motherless Daughters that I read a few years ago but didn’t realize Hope offered retreats. I just registered for her East Coast fall retreat — I’m so excited!
Do you get Kendra Azachi’s (“The Lazy Genius”) newsletter? She is a prolific reader of books that, in my opinion, go down easy – e.g., rom coms and thrillers. But she has really good picks. Recently I’ve been reading a lot of dense non-fiction, legal analysis, political theory, and it’s great but it’s not the escape you sometimes want reading to be. I decided earlier this week I needed something lighter for a change and so I went back to her newsletters. I’ve read three books in 5 days! Nothing monumental but pleasurable. This morning I’m reading “Romantic Comedy” by Curtis Sittenfeld in bed with my coffee. It’s delightful. Recommend.
I was sad not to be able to comment on the Cup of Jo newsletter because I’m not a paid subscriber. The motherless daughter stuff had me in tears – my mom died last year. This weekend is awful. I’m no one’s daughter, no one’s mother, no one’s partner or lover.
Alyssa, I am so sorry. The first year is definitely the hardest. I wish companies would give people the option to unsubscribe from certain content like holidays that don’t apply. It’s been almost 9 years since I lost my mom to cancer and I still get annoyed every year with the bombardment of Mother’s Day sales/ads/etc. Hugs to you, hang in there!
My favorite bookstore is Half-Price Books, but most have closed now in my city, so I frequent the library. Just finished non-fiction books – The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony (for book club), and Working Stiff: 2 years, 262 bodies, and the Making of a Medical Examiner.
Literati Bookstore in Ann Arbor, MI. You can always find a promising read, more often 2-3 :) the staff are wonderful, make careful recommendations based on what you are considering to purchase, and the staff picks are also super helpful. To top it off it is dog friendly!! Finished Great big beautiful life, which was a pleasure to read and had a nice twist at the end!
Wild Dark Shore is the answer to your reading rut. Best thing I’ve read this year. Completely stunning and made me gasp but also weep? Literary enough to feel like it’s a good use of your time but plot driven enough that I was reading it in the kitchen.
Yes!! Finished this a few weeks ago, and was fully not prepared for how emotional it would make me, and how long I’d be thinking about it after finishing. Highly recommend!
I have thought often of #19 on Catherine Newman’s list when putting my son (now almost 10 years old) to bed. Thanks for sharing the comment from Diane – it was a good nudge to go back and re-read the full, wonderful list. It gets me every time. <3
We call them DFDs (drama-free dinners).
I just devoured the novella The Most by Jessica Anthony. It was perfect — a story taking place over the course of a day, where we learn the individual secrets, flaws, and desires of a married couple: Kathleen and Virgil. It only has mid reviews on goodreads and storygraph, but idk why. It smartly becomes part of the lineage of stories about “mad” women (like the Yellow Wallpaper), but also pushes against that and becomes it’s own smart, unique story.
Loved it too! Also love your comment for its insight. Any other book suggestions in this sphere? I suggest Mrs. Dalloway and The Hours if you haven’t read them yet
I just wanted to put it out there that my amazing friend Maggie just today released her new collection for her brand Daytime People, and I picked up perfect summer dresses for myself and my 2 year old! You can shop online here https://daytimepeople.ca/ Or in person in Nova Scotia at her tiny shop in LaHave. I hope this isn’t considered spam or something. Just wanted to share her amazing colourful work.
Book recommendations: Broken Country – Claire Leslie Hall All the Light We Cannot See – Anthony Doerr What Remains – Carole Radziwill Hello Beautiful – Ann Napolitano Blue Sisters – Coco Mellors Remarkably Bright Creatures – Shelby Van Pelt The Dutch House – Ann Patchett (Tom Hanks is the narrator and is perfect) Lessons in Chemistry – Bonnie Garmus
Too many favorite bookstores to choose just one! Elliott Bay in Seattle, The Village Bookstore in Bellingham, WA; Powells in Portland, OR; Eagle Harbor on Bainbridge Island, WA; Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park, WA…and The Port in Port Angeles , WA. Last time I was there I was purchasing James, and the booksellers looked at it and said, they’d just gotten a used copy of it in, would I prefer that? Loved the customer service! I am definitely a destination bookstore traveler…Whenever I go somewhere new, I always seek out the nearest independent bookstore. I especially love looking at the booksellers favorites and recommendations! I’m currently reading Kate and Frida, by Kim Fay, a delightful novel about a friendship through letters between two twentysomethings who meet through……..a bookstore correspondence….long before days of the internet an online sales! Really enjoying it!
Martha, you’ve got to try Tacoma Book Center. Used book heaven. I walked in and just started laughing with glee.
This was a timely read for me because one hour ago, two very lovely young men arrived at my door on time to install a new microwave oven. They were friendly, efficient, careful, knowledgeable, and respectful of our home. And when they left about 40 minutes later, they took my old microwave and left a beautiful new one with an upgraded venting situation — with no fuss at all. Something that doesn’t always happen! My husband and I are grateful to be able to tip generously and especially since the pandemic, we never fail to. It’s an absolute pleasure to brighten someone’s day by giving them something they were clearly not expecting. As soon as they left, I called the appliance store to relay our pleasure and gratitude because of the two men they sent, as well as the wonderful job they did, and of course, our satisfaction with the appliance itself. I could tell from the reaction, this was not the type of call they were used to getting. They thanked me profusely. I think everyone involved in this transaction was pleased, but no one more than me. THEN I came here to read the weekend roundup — especially the 50 Ways to be Kind. I think everyone involved in my transaction today was left very pleased, but no one more than me. It’s so nice to receive cheerful and efficient service, and then to turn that around to heartfelt thanks. Thank you Jo for noting that article.
I scrolled too quickly past the submitter’s name for this comment. As I read it, I thought, “This sounds like Silly Lily.” Lo and behold, I scrolled up to find that it was so! Thank you for your distinct voice in these comments, Silly Lily. :) And what a nice way to share positivity by calling to commend the appliance installers.
Shout out to our AMAZING local bookstore here on Capitol Hill in DC — East City Books. The staff, the selection, the vibe. Mwah. Come for the books, stay for the community. Oh! And they also welcome dogs and have walls of photos of customers’ dogs. It is truly my happy place.
Second this!
Reading Friends of the Museum by Heather McGowan. Really fun so far (about 1/3 in). Great characterization and a zippy pace. Re: Jess’s comment above, Beautyland was wonderful! So original, funny and lovely. So excited to hear The Husbands will be a series!
The trick I’ve come up with a book rut is more or less called The Smiths. It basically just involves going to the Smith section of Fiction at the local library and reading a random book by an author of whose last name is Smith. There are a lot of them! The last Smith books I randomly chose were The Farm by Tom Rob Smith (great British/Swedish thriller!) and Swing Time by Zadie Smith and I loved them both. It really wakes up the brain cells to not quite know what you’re getting into!
OMG I love this idea.
as an avid reader, I LOVE this suggestion! It is like medicine for the insanity of ‘personalized recommendations’ that are merely repeats of books I’ve just finished reading, lol, or stereotypes from the most recent genre. Personalized rec’s don’t work for me because I am an eclectic reader – very little of what I read applies to me or my life..duh, I read to explore the unknown or sometimes get perspectives that differ from mine on topics that interest me. How could any ai determine my entirely organic and spontaneous interests? Anyhoo, love your brilliant idea, thank you : )
Yes, it’s the ultimate analog rebellion! Glad you liked this idea! When I started really getting into going to my local library, I didn’t know what to read and found looking up any latest new release books I could think of…only to find that each of them had 30 people on the wait list for them. I thought, this is nuts. The library is literally FULL OF BOOKS and I’m finding a way to experience this place with a scarcity mindset?? Walk down an aisle, grab a Smith and experience the amazing abundance!
Oh wow do I have some good book recs! Tilt by Emma Pattee is a literary page-turner (a literary page-turner!) about a nine-month pregnant woman who is in an Ikea buying a crib when the big earthquake hits. It’s also a marriage story and then a friendship story. It kept me up late into the night. I See You’ve Called In Dead by John Kenney – A very very funny and heartbreaking story about how to live a full life knowing you will die some day. This one is so so good. Migrations by Charlotte McConaghy – A near future story about a woman who follows the arctic tern’s migration in the face of the great extinction of birds. An all time favorite.
I have Tilt queued up in my kindle. I was so excited when the hold came up!! John Kenney’s poems make me laugh so hard. Added to my list! I haven’t heard of Migrations but it also sounds up my alley. Thank you for the recommendations!
Favorite Bookstore: unlikely story in plainville, ma. We visit there and a local diner every time we’re in New England. Makes my heart happy just thinking of it!
“loved and missed” by susie boyt – mothers and daughters, addiction, friendship, and just so much more – gorgeous sharp writing, you will not want to put it down
Recent reads I really enjoyed: – French Braid by Anne Tyler – Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin – The Wedding People by Alison Espach – Circe by Madeline Miller – The Rom-Commers by Katherine Center – Great Big Beautiful Life by Emily Henry
My mom passed away in 2016 and every year I DREAD Mother’s Day. Thankfully I have some amazing friends and we usually end up going on some type of adventure…tomorrow we are taking our horses on a ride to go see the blooming mountain laurel. Also, I have that Ikea print as a shower curtain and get so many compliments on it!
Maybe reread A Tree Grows in Brooklyn? Sometimes I reread a book I’ve really loved when I’m struggling to get back into the habit.
Am feeling a bit of a book hangover as I just had a great run of . . . Dolly Alderton’s Good Material (read Ghosts if you have already read GM!), The Rachel Incident by Caroline O’Donoghue, and currently zipping through Rabbit Cake by Annie Hartnett, the latter two courtesy of my sister! Listening to the Rivers of London series and loooooving them as audios. . . My book group is about to start James and we just finished a slow and joyous re-read of Song of Solomon (as always, wow). I’m not up-to-date in my reading, but that often means my recommendations help other people remember the books they intended to read and then forgot! Hope this surfaces a title for someone out there.
Fellow CoJ peeps! Any recommendations for a figure flattering summer dress for curvy body types (hourglass shape)? Postpartum with my second baby and I still don’t know what to do with these big boobs and cleavage (I was a B cup before babies). Pre-kids my style was more athletic / sleek, but as I’m learning how to live with this much curvier bod, I’m thinking that some more feminine silhouettes might be nice :) needs to be bra-friendly! Crossing my fingers, thank you in advance!!! Xxx
hi, my favorite dress ever (has pockets) in this category is the reformation rue dress. I got it on The Real Real. Secondly, Hill House Nap dress. I have 2. I would rotate between these 3 dresses and feel beautiful and put together all summer, even with thicker thighs, a rounder belly and bigger boobs!
Oooh yes! I have been dressing my big boobs for decades, with two pregnancies. V-necks but not too low is the best neckline for me, and knee length/midi/maxi are the best lengths. For me those lengths balance out the big chest. I personally like my dresses a little on the looser side because I find that more comfortable. Brands that often work include boden, wool&, and Eileen fisher. Sometimes vintage garnet hill. Not sure of your size but here are some examples: https://poshmark.com/listing/Boden-Arwen-Navy-White-Polka-Dot-Linen-Blend-Wrap-Dress-Size-US-12-67fa541ffe25041fcb57258b https://poshmark.com/listing/Boden-Relaxed-Linen-Tiered-Dress-Size-12-Regular-Pink-V-Neck-681677c6ff353a1483bb109a https://poshmark.com/listing/Summer-Boden-Linen-dress-US-14L-680ebba2e9c77de16a52d762 Oh and notched necks are great too! Enjoy your summer dresses!
Try the Zella Day Out dress. I have a version from years ago that I wear constantly. Can be dressed up or down. Has pockets. In general, dresses with drawstring waists were really flattering post-partum (and I still love them). They adjust along with you and show off a smaller waist (relative to the larger bust and hips, lol) while hiding the softness of it.
Broken Country has been my favorite read so far this year. Last year’s favorite was Wedding People. Currently reading Sandwich – I’ve laughed out loud a few times at the dialogue!
My favourite bookshop is one I’ve never been to in real life but I visit every Friday courtesy of their Substack called Receipts from the Bookshop. It’s a charming, chilled and often very funny breakdown of everything that happened in the bookshop that day. I’m not a paid subscriber but I enjoy their newsletters so much I did recently buy a book from them via Bookshop.org and it was delivered to my house within 2 days! So they are charming AND efficient, what’s not to love really.
Highly recommend the last few books I’ve read: All the Mothers, Domenica Ruta Colored Television, Danzy Senna Mothers and Other Fictional Characters, Nicole Graev Lipson And coming out in the next few months: Television for Women, Danit Brown The Original, Nell Stevens (I don’t love historical novels but I loved this one) How to Be Well, Amy LaRocca xoxo
When Im in a rut sometimes I need book candy – a book that just propels be through and reminds me why I love reading – usually a Thriller, romance or fantasy- or if those are not your jam anything by Fredrick Bachman whose characters will just tear your heart open and crawl inside and remind you that humans and imperfect lovable beings. Thrillers/mystery All the colors of the dark This book will bury me If you like audiobooks – the Thursday Murder Club – best British Narrator about a group of sassy seniors solving crimes I want to go live with them Romance Just for the summer – Abby Jimenez The Honeymooners- Christina Lauren Beach Read- Emily Henry These ladies know how to write a good fun romance- longing, good friends, the right amount of spice Fantasy – these tend to be series so just listing a one and done or a duology The Night Circus One Dark Window Viscous Finally two books out of thes categories that just took my brain elsewhere The Playground by Richard Powers – reminded me of Tomorrow & Tomorrow & Tomorrow as it’s about friendship and also the way he writes about nature makes me want to go out a d enjoy it – in this case live on an island The Three Lives of Cate Kay – multiple perspective book about a woman running away from a tragedy
Thank you for the motherless daughter post! I so resonated with what Aminatou said about realizing that you are not the only one. Grief can be lonely and feel like you are the only one who has ever felt this way because you can’t really imagine the deep pain and feeling of loss until you do . People are getting better but we are still awkward about it. I also loved what Tyler said your grieving friend is still your friend, I don’t want to be sad on mothers day I want to smile and laugh, and hug my kids and remember my best memories of my mom but I might be sad. I just need my people to be there however it is and to talk about my mom even if it make me cry, hugs for the tears and then make a joke and we can laugh and share a nice story about her.
I was excited to try the “really good 5-minute” dinner and determined to use what I had on hand. Yesterday I used the recommended Trader Joe’s bean with mozzarella cheese and leftover Smitten Kitchen Charred Cabbage (https://smittenkitchen.com/2025/04/charred-salt-and-vinegar-cabbage/) in place of spinach. Instead of toast, I served it over a few oyster crackers for some crunch. Heaven!! I love the flexibility of the recipe and the speed that it comes together deliciously. Thanks for sharing!
That post “21 completely subjective rules for raising teenage boys” was how I found CoJ six years ago when I was pregnant and had just found out we’d have a boy. I still think about it at least once a week. Time to print it out!
OMG, longtime reader from India- Diane, I SO remember this article. 2018- my son was four years old and I made a mental note, to print it at the appropriate time. And I have intermittently thought about that article, through the years. And to have this reminder popup now, when he is going to turn 11 in a few months is EVERYTHING❤️❤️ PS: Best of all, CupOfJo also put out an equivalent list for teenage daughters, perfect for his twin sister!! Off to Print now!
So far, my top 3 books this year: Still Life by Sarah Winman All My Rage by Sabaa Tahir Broken Country by Clare Leslie Hall Thanks for being here CoJ community❤️
I think someone mentioned Still Life a couple years ago in the comments and omg it has been one of my favorite reads of the past several years. I still think about the characters. Absolutely wonderful!
All the Beauty in the World: The Metropolitan Museum of Art and Me by Patrick Bringley — I just finished reading it and miss it already. The space the writing creates is, I want to say, sacred and I am grateful for Jenny’s recommendation in her newsletter. It has been a long time since I enjoyed a book this much. It touched my soul, the gentle craft of his way with language. Highly recommend.
I just finished Loved and Missed by Susie Boyt and it’s one of the best novels I read. Hard, sad, cozy and hopeful. I sobbed through the last quarter. Heartwarming and so beautifully written
Just finished All the Colors of the Dark late last night. I really loved it! It was part coming of age, part mystery, part love story. It had humor and really rich characters. Plus it spanned several decades so you really got to see characters morph over time. Highly recommend for getting out of a rut!
Best books I’ve read so far this year: Mrs. S by K. Patrick In Memoriam by Alice Winn Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner Mothers and Sons by Adam Haslett Safekeep by Yael Van der Wouden The Strange Case of Jane O. by Karen Thompson Walker
I’m reading Same as Ever by Morgan Housel. Each chapter is about the things that never change. It has lots of historical tid bits that are oddly soothing during these turbulent times.
I’m waiting to recommend Signal Fires to my book club at the end of the month (which I think I heard about here!) We are reading Lauren Groff’s Vaster Wilds this month. I know folks loved her Fates and Furies which I only sort of liked. But Vaster Wilds was a phenomenal tale of an indentured servant in colonial America setting out on her own and questioning power, land ownership, and existence. Highly recommend.
Happy Mother’s Day! My last two great reads were In The Woods by Tana French and A Burning by Megha Majumdar. I’m currently reading The Latecomer by Jean Hanff Korelitz. It’s very character driven and descriptive and not much plot, but I’m enjoying it. It’s making me reminisce my college days and sending good thoughts to the college kids who are protesting and being challenged for speaking out. My favorite NYC bookstores- I’m not loyal to any particular bookstore but I will always buy my books at an independent bookstore or a thrift store. I love Yu and Me Books in Chinatown, Books of Wonder- a children’s bookstore, Books Are Magic in Brooklyn, Word in Greenpoint, Kew and Willow in Kew Gardens, Queens and Astoria Bookshop in Astoria, Queens. My favorite thing is to ask the booksellers to give me a stack of good literary fiction that they think I would enjoy. They always get it right! Can’t wait to make that tomato soup- my son has been asking me for it after watching Grandpa Pig make a pot on Peppa Pig.