A Few Days in Brooklyn
My mom just came to visit and the (weirdest) best part was…
…I got violently ill (will spare you the gory details!) on Sunday evening and she brought me water and medicine and a very, very cold washcloth for my forehead and I called her “Mommy” and remembered how good it feels to be cared for like a child.
We also saw this perfect vanity plate. When I last renewed my plates, the boys wanted me to do INFTRIZ (“infinite rizz”) but I felt like people would be confused if they rolled up next to us and saw a middle-aged mom driving her VW sport wagon.
My sister also came to NYC to see Andrew Scott in Uncle Vanya. He played all eight characters, and even had a make out scene where he played both people. She said it was miraculous. Funnily enough, my sister’s celeb crush is not Andrew Scott (“his beautiful neck!”) but Anton Chekhov, the Russian playwright who wrote Uncle Vanya and a slew of brutally depressing works. Hey, she knows what she likes!
My friend threw herself a birthday party this weekend and When Harry Met Sally was playing, muted, in the background. Isn’t that a fun touch?
What have you been up to lately? How are people’s gardens coming along? Please share below, if you’d like… xoxoxo
P.S. 10 fun things I’ve noticed in Brooklyn, and my 46th birthday party with lots of chocolate mousse.
Comments
215 commentsMy family buried my mother this past weekend; it was heartbreaking and emotional. All of my 6 siblings spoke and my Mother’s 9 grandchildren – all crying. We live in CA. and we were able to bury her in the Eternal Garden in Woodlawn in a decomposing turtle urn. The garden is native plants including milk weed, which will attract the Monarch Butterflies on their way south. Whenever my mother was invited to someone’s home, she brought milkweed to attract butterflies. The two charities we chose for giving in my mother’s honor were Monarch butterflies and elephants. My mother was spectacular.
2 things: I will watch Vanya in a week at a movie theatre! National Theatre screening and cannot wait after reading your post :-) 2nd: visiting London, I was in a bookstore where I spotted: “When breath becomes air” it was such a moment, knowing your sister’s husband story.
I love.a muted movie at a party! I threw a “world’s collide” party and invited my childhood friends, my work friends and my dog park friends. I had Midnight Run, The In-Laws and Galaxy Quest on rotation in a room between the kitchen and the backyard. Watching people walk into a room and say, “Is that the In-Laws? I love the In-Laws!” was the best. My people are my people for all the best reasons, including their excellent taste in music.
Saw Andrew Scott twice in ‘Hamlet,’ in London around eight years ago. Easily one of the best pieces of theatre I’ve seen. When he the to be or not to be, soliloquy, he was speaking his character’s thoughts out loud, but in a way also talking to the audience at the same time, making it both intimate and kind of immersive too. Fabulous actor.
I am also a fan of Chekhov (and Andrew Scott. . . who isn’t?) and saw Andrew’s one-man Vanya in early April. OMG. Your sister is entirely accurate with “miraculous.” It’s just astonishing. He was transcendent. You know that feeling when you sense you are witnessing with your own eyes something incredibly rare and special – like the northern lights? It was like that.
I have a fever, a sore throat, a headache and I’m up to my elbows in boxes. Packing up my beloved rental has been brutal. It has great light, high ceilings, a giant tub, and a five burner gas range that has made cooking a reverie instead of a chore. The first place I’ve ever lived where all my plants didn’t die on arrival. Like the sunlight kept us all nourished. I knew moving would be tough, especially under the circumstances; but absolutely no one could have prepared me for the grief of dividing my son’s books. Deciding who gets custody of Oh The Places You’ll Go, has gutted me. I didn’t know it was possible to be this devastated and still stand upright. Holding my own hand and dreaming of a garden in the future.
I’m awfully sorry you’re going through all that.
Oh Sequoia, sending you so much love. That sounds heartbreakingly hard. I really hope there is a garden in your very near future and I hope it brings you some comfort and peace.
What a difficult thing to go through! Take gentle care of yourself, and I hope you have others who are helping in their various ways.
Holding you Sequoia. This sounds incredibly tough (I’d for sure keep The Places You Will Go). Also wanted to say that tue way you have described the home you are leaving really moved me. You have a beautiful way with words. I hope you are writing about the joy on the other side of this grief soon.
I am just starting George Saunders book ‘ a swim in a pond in the rain’, has your sister read this? He has taught a class on short tory writing for years, and they closely examine the Russians and their short stories, this book starts with a page by page analysis of a selection of quite well known short stories – I know that might sound droll but in George Saunders hands, it could not be!
Having read this, and loving GS, and having loved the book, I am amazed that he has never learnt Russian
I’m in the midst of this too Kirby. It’s such a joy. Funny, any time I find a book no one else in my life has ever heard of I open the CoJ comment section and there it is (the last one this happened with was Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner).
Such a great post today, and the reply section is incredible! Missed Andrew Scott (who is SO hot!) but I did once see Mikhail Baryshnikov do 3 short Chekhov plays at the Broad Theater in LA. It is tiny, and I could practically see the sweat on his face…he was brilliant, and gorgeous, and I found myself practically panting at the feeling of being so near his talent and beauty (he was 66 at the time, and absolutely breathtaking!). The parenting thing – mine were benignly neglectful, (and sometimes aggressively oblivious) I try to give my girl my full attention when I know she needs it, and keep my eyes and ears open even when she thinks she does NOT need it. Tons of hugging, lots of talking, but even more listening. She still sprawls herself over us both, all the time – she 5 5 & 1/2, at only 11 years old! I still read Charlotte’s web or Olivia books to her at night. Anyone who is even wondering about how they are parenting is probably doing a much better job than they imagine! Going to try some pollinator shrubs in pots this year, on a sunny balcony and a half sunny small side yard that is mostly concrete and decomposed granite (like hard sand). Pots is all I can bring myself to do, putting it into the ground, and then if it fails will be too disappointing. We have used wine bottles in ceramic spikes for watering pots while away in the past, and it works GREAT! I hope the bees, birds and butterflies will like a bunch of salvias, lavender, sunflowers, etc in pots. (PS – Mikhail is now 77. AND STILL GORGEOUS!)
I saw Mikhail Baryshnikov at a restaurant in Riga, Latvia, and he SMILED RIGHT AT ME! I thought I was going to die! He is just radiantly good looking, though not at all in a typical sense
My garden in Michigan is waking up and my favorite things right now are double daffodils, forget-me-nots, and flowering trees. I have a blog and just posted some pics https://maybeillbecomeafarmer.wordpress.com/2025/04/30/my-favorite-time-of-year/
Hi Susan! I never click on the links that people post to their own blogs, but I am a sucker for gardens & I loved seeing the photos- thank you for sharing! AND Now I’ve decided to add double daffodils to my garden this fall for a lovely spring surprise next year.
Oh thanks for your comment, Rachel! The double daffodils are beautiful in the garden and cut in simple bouquets. These are the double daffodils I’ve bought online from John Scheepers and planted in the fall: https://www.johnscheepers.com/flower-bulbs-index/narcissi/double/the-double-narcissus-mixture.html
I also saw Andrew Scott’s Uncle Vanya and it was so, so good. If he wasn’t your sister’s crush, maybe he is now? He has so much talent and range.
Best vanity plate: Electric car, plate read: “EW GAS”
hahahahahahhaa
My favorite is a restaurant chef I know who drives an EV with the plate “86FUEL” :)
❤️ both of these!!
What am I up to? Yesterday I took the train to Philadelphia to hear Jeanine de Bique give a concert after coming across this video on Facebook and becoming hopelessly smitten: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajHB2PZYrHs
I saw a DeLorean with the plate “NO 401K.” Thought that was clever, though ill advised.
It was 86 degrees in Detroit yesterday afternoon, and then we had a frost advisory at night. So. *THAT* is how my garden is going. Never a dull moment! I hope you’re feeling better, Jo. <3
My gosh, CAN relate!! Spring in the north is a wild and bumpy ride.
The funny thing is that Tchehov thought he wrote comedies about the humans!
I saw Andrew Scott in a show called Birdland in London years ago and it was INCREDIBLE. That man is… wow. And I love the idea of a movie playing silently in the background at a party! Hope you feel better Jo!
I was sick for a day during the last holidays and my 11 y old took care of me, he was so happy to bring me chicken soup and a hot bottle! I felt so loved and could be sick “at ease”… love from Paris
Still kicking self that I missed the sell-out Vanya run in London, BUT thanks to my beloved PILs who got me NT at home for Christmas, this was almost as good: https://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/whats-on/vanya/ Hard recommend also for Jack Absolute Flies Again.
My heart yearns for a mom who would visit me, who would care that I was sick. Thank you for sharing. My own mother was not and is not emotionally present, and it feels strangely healing to see what it is like to have a mom who sees you. The grief is lifelong but I find solace in the fact that I can be present for my daughter. If I never benefitted from a parent who believed in me, at least my daughter will have the trust in herself that I had to earn.
Sorry you have experienced this! I, too, have an emotionally immature and emotionally unavailable mother. Growing up with her was tough. She is now very ill with MS and can no longer walk, and my sister has been taking care of her, and she has not expressed any appreciation for all the effort we are putting in to try and find her a place to be at peace. It all feels just so unfair.
I relate to this so much and send love. I too have an absent mother and have made it my mission in life to show my daughter an abundance of love and support. Jo’s mum sounds absolutely delightful.
The pain of an absent mother never leaves. If we try hard enough, we can manage it. But…and I don’t know if anyone has ever said this here, it is extraordinarily painful when we read of how much love a mother who is present shows for her children. It is a fire that never ceases to burn. (We will always ask the universe: Why did we not get love and caring from the person who gave birth to us? Why us? WHY???) I am glad that so many mothers today are truly present in so many ways that even the good moms of other times were not. It’s a blessing for those children. The pain of not having a mother who cared for you never leaves. You take it to the grave.
I felt the need to comment as I too had an emotionally and physically abusive mother. As my own daughter reaches life milestones, it often brings back traumatic memories. And often I’m surprised at how young I was at the time! I frequently wonder how I would be different if I had a loving, supportive mother during my youth. It is a hard and lonely path being a Cycle Breaker as we are often labeled negatively for going against the dysfunction. I see you and raise a glass to us!
Tears in my eyes. Thanks for the solidarity, Tess, Jade, Irene, and Anon. Too <3
I am so sorry to hear this. My mum was beautiful, and none knows how to put a wet cloth just right like she does, but like you, she was the child a distant mum (her mum had a breakdown when mum’s dad committed suicide), her mum just ran away an she was left with an uncle who was sexually abusive. But…. my mum is beautiful and actually years later she let her mum back in and her mum became the best Nanna in the world…. and over time my mum found that she could forgive her mum, not forget, but forgive. And that made my mum walk lighter in this world. I hope the same for you – you don’t need to have a great mum to be a great mum, but hopefully, sometimes, a bad mum mum can learn to make amends through finding her love/her heart. Obviously if she can’t, that is NOT on you. You are awesome and your daughter is lucky. sending kindness to you.
It is hard to get that pang that so often happens when you see or read about someone getting love and tenderness from their mom – but then to find this comment thread that felt like a big hug reminding me I am not alone. Also the beauty that we can be happy for Joann AND still grieve not ever having the opportunity to know what that experience feels like as a daughter (but sounds like we are showing up in full force in the mom role!)
Hi Anon, I can relate too. My mom is an alcoholic and addict, very emotionally immature. Becoming a mother has made me miss having a mom in such a visceral way. You’re not alone, and I thought you might enjoy this poem. It warms my heart every time I read it and think of my baby girl: ” ‘If you ever have a daughter, it will be payback.’ and it absolutely is. she is all the love I’ve ever tried to give and all the love I should’ve received. she is all the magic I lost along the way.” (It’s called Stars at Last and I don’t know the poet! I am sorry about that.)
Two weeks ago, I got a call at work that my mom was in the emergency room. She’d dislocated her shoulder. My sister who lives closest to her was on vacation, and my brother had just started a new job, so time off for him wasn’t possible. I told him I could be there in five hours, went home , packed and hit the road. It was a long drive after a long day of work, but it felt so good to be able to do it. Brother got Mom and Dad home from the hospital, ( no surgery needed, thankfully) and I spent the next 3 days sleeping on an air mattress, giving my mom her meds , tucking her in at night, and keeping my Dad calm too. If you’d asked me prior what I thought the situation would be like, I’d say stressful…but it felt so good to be the caretaker for my parents. They are in their 80’s, and while in many ways still vibrant, they are slowing down, and are admitting they need help. I was grateful for family leave so I could take a few days off to run errands for them, and just spend time with them. Honestly, it felt like a rite of adulthood, caring for elderly parents, and I was glad, and honored I could do it.
What a beautiful outlook on caretaking for aging parents. Thanks for this perspective shift.
Thank you for this, Martha. I, too, realized recently that the tables had officially turned when my mom had to be rushed to the emergency room and I was the only one around to do it. Thankfully, she’s better now, but the experience was a wake-up call. I had always dreaded the day I would be ‘burdened’ with taking care of elderly parents. In my case, my mom was always the caretaker for me, my father, my siblings and all the grandkids. I now realize that this transition should be acknowledged in a more positive light in general, not as a burden but as a privilege and a gift to our parents.
1) Your mom is beautiful. 2) Your sister is right (Talented Chekov was hot). 3) I hope you feel better soon!
Chekhov has been my number one celebrity crush for years. I don’t even care that he’s dead!
Sooooo sweet to have your mom take care of you!
I hope you are feeling better. My best friend took care of me when I got so sick the night before our last day in Switzerland. She was a pro and made me feel so much better.
How is my garden coming along? This time last year my dear friend, who is a native plants enthusiast, planted me a garden on the side of my house as a Mother’s Day present. I was nearing the end of a brutal round of treatment for stage 4 cancer and the garden represented the growth and beauty that I so desperately needed. I didn’t know if I would be here to see it through a full circle of life but here I am, ever-grateful to see those green shoots poking through the dirt. And even more grateful for our friendship.
Wow. Crying tears of joy for you. Enjoy the garden!
I’m so glad you’re still here Amy. This made my day.
Amy, so glad you are here. A garden is truly an affirmation of the cycle of life. Wishing you many happy seasons.
Oh my goodness, how wonderful. So happy you are here to see the green shoots and this spring.
Wishing you many more springs ahead, Amy 🌸🌸🌸
I hope you feel better too and how nice to be cared for. Bonus! Your mum would have felt wonderful being able to care for you. So win win! Except for the gross parts…
In my defense: https://lithub.com/10-pictures-of-young-chekhov-ranked-by-hotness/
I’m with you girl, and need to point out (as I put on my Theater professor hat) that his plays are outrageously funny as well as being bleak at times! In fact, his works are the reason narrative fiction today (plays films TV) values realism and nuance over melodrama and caricature. Thanks to his plays and their original interpreters we want stories to reveal truths about the human condition. Chekhov was a real game-changer!
I’m a believer!
Hahahahaha…love that you posted this
Amazing point.
I am hooked. 😍
Oh, I completely get it.
Ha! Hi, Lucy!! What a fun lil pop up to see the comments. Love this community so much!
honestly …. i’m sold brb looking up chekhov on ao3
Hahah! Even though the link took me elsewhere, I wound up googling out of curiosity and I will concede you have a point!
That #1 pic!! The Timothée Chalamet of the late 1800s! ;)
Haha–love this!
LOL “…the very candid nature of this photograph make it hard to ignore; serious pseudo-intellectual fuckboi energy.”
Ooooh thanks Lucy, those last two pics – I’m sold!
This is gold
Okay, I totally get it!!!! New crush for me!
Lucy, we love you!! Also, your mom is gorgeous – look at that glowy face/skin, lovely smile, beautiful eyes :)
Lucy, fair. He’s got a Christian Bale as Laurie/Teddy in Little Women vibe.
Lucy, if you noticed a weirdo staring at you while we waited by the theater for Andrew to come out, that was me. I didn’t feel it was the right place or time to bother you, but I was very excited to spot you. When Breath Becomes Air and your subsequent work on grief have been immensely helpful to me. ❤️
ooof Lucy is right
I hope you’re feeling better Joanna! Does anyone have recommendations for types of tulips that do not get eaten by bunnies?
They are all tasty to bunnies. The solution is pots or planted in between daffodils.
Try spraying liquid fence. It’s repulsive!
I think if you plant them among daffodils (which bunnies don’t eat) and maybe also decorative alliums (onion-tasting)? Also look up daffodil varieties, some of them might look similar to tulips and some places sell a mix of tulips & daffodils that match color/texture.
I’m afraid not! My solution is to plant them in pots which I keep in the shed over winter so they don’t get too wet, and when the shoots start I put the pots on my outdoor table where the bunnies can’t reach them. They are glorious right now!
There are no rabbit-resistant tulips, all will be eaten. What you can do is plant these around or near the tulips, as bunnies don’t prefer them: Daffodils, Hyacinths, and Snowdrops. Or, block off your tulips with some kind of fencing.
I’m sorry I don’t have an answer, but I immediately searched pictures of bunnies eating tulips. I can’t imagine anything cuter!
I had this problem last year and crushed up a bunch of eggshells all around my tulips. So far that’s worked!
Thank you all for your help! I’m going to add some eggshells and daffodils for next year and will look into the liquid fence too!
We sprayed ours with a little water from a spray bottle and then sprinkled them with cayenne. We had to do it a few times but they made it through without being eaten by bunnies, squirrels or deer. They were planted near hyacinth and daffodils so maybe that helped too.
And the deer! My husband planted a beautiful row of tulips, they were just at the point where we said, “Oooh, tomorrow they’ll be lovely!” The next morning they were lovely stems.
It’s peak garden season in Phoenix! I have pansies, petunias, marigolds, zinnias, cosmos, poppies, lavender, nastursuim, salvia, irises, day lilies, sunflowers, and hollyhocks (13 feet tall this year!!) in my “English garden”. As for veggies, I went light this year since the summers are getting more brutal, but we’ve had a great harvest of zucchini, carrots, celery, strawberries, snow peas, lettuces, and so many herbs… and a few broccoli, cauliflower, and cucumbers. The outcome is different every year, even if I follow the same plan, and the mystery of it all is such a joy!
My dad had a very random work trip to LA a year after I moved there and I got horrible tonsillitis THAT WEEK. He immediately had to take a few days off to take care of me. I can only imagine how fake his story must have sounded to his boss!
I got sick once while visiting my parents. I spent the day recouping in bed—feverish, resting. My mom had friends over for dinner that night and the sound of their talking and laughing transported me right back to childhood—I was like a girl in a nightgown, freshly scrubbed for bed, drifting off to sleep. It may have been the most safe I’ve felt in my grown-up life. I was 36.
I love this memory, Kaff!
I am so with you on this! My husband is a night owl and I am a morning lark, and over the decades I’ve often curled up and slept in the corner at a party while he continued to enjoy. I love to sleep at parties for just the reason you describe: it’s so wonderful to be surrounded by happy chaos while curling up to rest! Safest feeling. Such trust.
I can totally relate to this. What a sweet memory.
Totally relate to this comfort, Kaff! My Dad had a jam session every weekend with his friends while I was young. I’d “count sheep” to their renditions of Neil Young, Hank Williams, The Eagles… Now, on nights when my partner is traveling, I’ll turn on some of those same artists to fall asleep to. The only thing I can’t replicate is the bits of chatter between songs!
I live in a city and have no idea if we’ll ever be able to afford a place with a garden, but I do get strong garden envy sometimes. We went for a walk Sunday and there were so many bluebells out. I want snowdrops, daffodils, bluebells, pansies, poppies…
I used to have garden envy (well I still do), but guess what? not everyone is good at it! I bought a house with a really big yard and darn it, I can’t make it work. The sad thing is because I wanted to have a magical garden I didn’t buy the house right down on the beach with a small yard, instead I got the one closer to the mountain with the massive yard that just baffles me!
You might look into community gardens in your area. I live in a rental with no yard, so gardening in the community garden near me is the best!
Kirby, maybe there’s a neighbor with a small or zero yard who wants to adopt your garden…? (sounds like the beginning of a plot of a delightful novel!) or a garden designer that can help you plan a low-maintenance magical garden/ refuge for birds and butterflies :)
Replying to Kirby – your comment made me laugh because I feel like this would be me! My dad used to grow a huge vegetable garden – he would buy new dirt/soil every year and water like crazy – he didn’t have a particularly green thumb, but he was fairly successful with it. I haven’t tried a garden yet, but last summer I had great success with potted flowers – i just had to water alot! These things probably sound obvious, but I wonder if you consulted with someone local to your area they could give you tips? Best of luck. I suppose it’s not the worst thing in the world if you just enjoy the big yard and don’t have a garden:)
Kacie! So many good options already in the comments & I echo their encouragement to give it a go! Pots in windows. Patios with pots, railing planters…even the smallest spaces can have a garden that feels abundant. Cheering you on!
Oh my problem is that I read instructions and disregard them! I do not live in England, but insist on a cottage garden, I live in drought ridden Australia! When the instructions say “this will take over your entire vegetable patch if you add it” – I say “oh no, surely, let’s try!”. I also once almost honestly bought a small farm, a colleague cautioned “what do you know about farming?” to which I talked on and on about one grandfather whose family grew apples, then ran the Sydney Fruit Markets (all before WW2), and the other grandfather who was a dairy farmer and had the first electric milking farm in Australia… my colleague said “yes – what about YOU?” I laughed and said, I’ll just ask my ghosts to help. My whimsical nature is absolutely to blame and I suspect there is no help for me what so ever. I actually own things like books about the planting of versailles, I’m a day dreamer who should probably just live in a flat close to a botanic garden!
Joanna, I’m sorry you got sick but I’m glad your mom was able to take care of you and make you feel better! My husband and I spent another wonderful week in NYC (our fourth time!) last week. It was much windier and warmer than I expected but I loved seeing SO MANY TULIPS everywhere! Aren’t they just so delightful? Our backyard in the PNW looks pretty bare at the moment, but I’d definitely start planning for my new tulip garden soon!
My aunt’s memorial service was more like a celebration of life at their house about a week after she died — sort of an death open house with her favorite foods and music. He posted large photos of her life all over the house. And he set up some chairs in the garage and projected the most recent season of Ted Lasso on a screen. She hadn’t gotten to see that season when she was so sick and it was her favorite show. It was kind of a tribute to her, but also it just really worked for the quirky vibe of the memorial :) Sometimes people needed alone time and they could go sit out there and watch the show quietly, and for some it was a conversation starter and a way to connect with others.
ack, this is delightful! there are so many ways to be soft, wonderful, weird in the world. it sounds like your uncle really saw her, i love it.
This is really beautiful. A few important people to me are going to die soon (is cancer contagious – gosh it feels like it must be) and I think I will tell them about this beautiful tribute.
Love this, thank you for sharing it. My mom’s memorial will be this weekend and I feel so anxious. She died months ago. This week I miss her more than ever as I try to choose her favorite flowers and frame up photos from when she was young and gorgeous.
Where is that incredible restaurant you all are sitting at??
I want to recommend this novel to your sister! It’s such a beautiful story, and I know it’s fiction, but definitely came away with a crush on Chekhov. ♥️ https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25843231-the-summer-guest
My partner has bipolar disorder so when they’re on an upward swing towards mania it often manifests as extreme gardening. That’s when the yard looks amazing but it’s time to keep a close eye and ensure they’re going to therapy and med management appointments. I’m tempted to put on Best in Show muted for my next party. There’s a 100% chance that I’ll do my Jennifer Coolidge impression and name nuts until someone tell me to shut up.
We like soup, snow peas…
My baby grandson is hypnotized by the Happy Song by Imogen . He’ll literally stop mid cry when he hears the baby laugh at the beginning. Yesterday he had a little melt down and after trying a few things I desperately hollered at Papa, THE HAPPY SONG! PLAY HAPPY SONG! He hollered back at me, Nana, we’re creating a BUSY BEE type situation here. Lol. Busy bee. BUSY BEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Best personalized plates I’ve seen: BANANA 18 HOLES OH LOOK (I was laughing so hard, yelling Oh Look! Oh look! And my husband going, “Look at WHAT???” And mine: B3 HAPPY. In honor of my sister.
My favorite plate I’ve seen just read: ALPACA I have a friend who is obsessed with alpacas so I immediately snapped a photo and sent it to her.
Best personalized plate I have seen was on a Honda Odyssee van, and it said BY HOMER.
Oh love ALPACA and BANANA! My favourite is an old, immaculate, humungously wide 80s Buick sedan in my hometown with ZAIDA, which is grandpa in Yiddish 😂
i live in Ohio and there are an absurd amount of vanity plates. ABSURD. i know, because i’ve also lived in 3 other states and this has never been the case! some of my favorites i’ve seen here are BRUHHHH, COOKIEZ, ITS MEE, H0LYMLY
The most inexplicable personalized license plate I’ve seen was: SCABIES. Don’t even know what that one was all about lol
Why didn’t I think of BYHOMER for our Honda van??? Brilliant! Best one I saw this week: NOYRSLF
Still laugh whenever I think of a plate my husband and I saw years ago in Charlottesville: S&M GURU. We were laughing and the driver saw us, rolled down her window and yelled “Sales and Marketing!!”
Joanna – I do understand Lucy’s feelings because my teenage crush was Keats. As an adult of 30 I visited the house where he lived in Hampstead Heath and also the one where he died in Rome next to the Spanish Steps! Now my burning question is … was she the one to pick out Anton’s name? Or is that a coincidence? I am curious now haha !
wow I adore this cup of jo deep dive question!
Great burning question!
juhi that’s so cool
We recently went out for drinks with friends and the bartender switched the tv from a basketball game to Edward Scissorhands playing on mute in the background. Slowly but surely the entire bar (full of gen Xers, ha) became mesmerized by it and were all talking about the movie, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp & Winona Ryder movies…it was so funny and unexpected!
lol, I can so picture this! Our favorite pub has the most random things on their tvs. It’s such a delight. One visit lead to a long debate as to whether the movie playing was Independence Day or Armageddon, lol! (Once it was playing New Yankee Workshop, which was a bit of a problem. My husband is not interested in sports but IS into woodworking and literally couldn’t look away.)
I recently bought Caro Chambers book, What to cook when you don’t feel like cooking (based on the CoJ post a while back, which featured her vegetable lasagna), and everything I’ve made so far has been great! Easy and fun to make and eat. In gardening news, I am working on turning my little courtyard into a tropical oasis (banana trees and palm trees with a few pops of colour inbetween) and am also trying to grow potato’s and tomatoes for the first time this year.
I was just gifted this by my SIL as a thank you for hosting our entire extended family over Easter weekend (as if it was “work” to visit with my adorable baby nephews). I agree that the book is awesome! Every recipe we’ve made so far has been a hit, even with my very picky 8 year old daughter!
I read Infinite Rizz as Infinite Frizz… My nightmare.
Hahahah
I read it as Infant Rizz, which could be an alternate to those “Baby in Board” stickers.
Lololololol
Has anyone ripped up their lawn to put in a pollinator garden? I keep wanting to do it, but then I get nervous and stop myself.
Yes and it’s great! The University of MN (and probably lots of other programs and brands) have pollinator friendly grasses mixes. We have fescue all over our lawn. Looks mostly like grass– a little longer and floppier, but you can walk and play on it and NOT MOW IT! You don’t have to just put flowers everywhere!
Yes! Here’s a video of ours after about 2 years–it filled in quickly. Tons of different kinds of bees and songbirds showed up. You won’t regret it! :) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP1jLpqn3kn/
yep! And we haven’t looked back! The bees and butterflies make it magical.
Yes! We did it several years ago. We have bermuda grass, which is hard to get rid of, but we tilled it up and seeded the heck out of the yard and it mostly worked. You can check out our yard and two others here (article and 10 min video) https://www.centraltexasgardener.org/2024/09/three-stories-of-change-wildflower-pocket-gardens/
I’m doing this in a small strip of the neglected tiny lawn in front of the house I’m renting. It is doable, but may require special tools if you have a huge lawn or if there’s sod that needs to be removed. You’ll want to smother the grass. Because I am doing such a small area with thin existing cover, I actually tilled the soil and pulled out as much of the grass root system as possible first. Then I covered the area with lots of layers of newspaper – adding untreated cardboard helps too – and finally a layer of mulch. Meanwhile, I am germinating seeds of rudbeckia, echinacea, and blue fescue in old egg cartons. Once those have sprouted, I plan to add another layer of soil to the mulched area and transplant the new plants there. I would recommend starting in a small area first. Also, it’s a good idea to reach out to your state’s “cooperative extension,” which will have lots of local resources and recommendations for you! I say just give it a try – gardening is lots of trial and error. Best of luck!
I have! It’s great. Be prepared to weed a lot more though. (Or prep your lawn so there will be fewer weeds before planting…we did no lawn prep…) Our water utility has a program to give you money to take out your lawn, so look into whether that’s something your town offers as well.
Beekeeper here—we keep a lawn of clover and spurge (they do well in our dry Utah climate) and love it. We actually do still mow (our kids love to play soccer on the lawn) but we water minimally and never ever spray chemicals (embrace the dandelions!). And we’ve planted lots of lavender and salvia and other things our bees love. So cool that more people are making this switch!
Laurie: SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
Laurie- how incredible!!
Wow Laurie! Gorgeous!
We also replaced our grass with a pollinator “lawn” mix and love it. It’s primarily clover with some other low plants mixed in. We got it from a local/regional seed company. We did it first in a test area, in case we hated it, and after two years we’re ready to do the entire front, back, and side areas. In addition to having a lot of pollinator activity (so much!!) and nitrogen fixing for the soil, it requires significantly less mowing and watering than the grass. Not zero, but very significantly less. We could let it dry out, but it only takes watering it about twice a month to keep it lush during the hot/dry months so we’ve prefered to keep it green. It’s certainly not for some people; visitors and neighbors comment positively and negatively. The seed blend has varied overtime to suit the site, so it’s a slightly different mix than it started out. It hides the dog poop (a pro and con, lol) and I’d say the dog is harder on it than grass. While our kids are comfortable running around the bees (our native ones are not aggressive), some kids are not. We have zero regrets, but I’d say those are the negatives.
Yes! I love it. There was a lot of weeding the first year (like others, we didn’t do prep. Just pulled it up and threw down seeds). But in year two, doesn’t seem to be very many weeds at all. Extra bonus: we get so many compliments from neighbors/passers by. I’m in the Midwest (Chicago area), so I used the short prairie seed mix from Prairie Moon nursery.
Yes! We have done this with about half of our rather large for a suburban yard. We used silage tarps to smother, pulled it back, resmothered etc. until we basically had nothing growing. Then we reseeded with natives, used compost etc and are in the part where we cut back every so often and dethatch in order to get all of the things growing properly. This system was recommended to us by our local experts and so far, so good. Our “regular” lawn is a mix of clover and fescue along with some low natives. The negatives: one of the items in our seed mix can cause issues for dogs, the seed company decided it wasn’t a big issue for THEM so when we ordered a specialty blend and mentioned dogs, suburban area etc they decided to include it. This has caused some massive weeding headaches. It looks kind of horrible for a huge part of the process, our “regular” lawn is looking great but the more meadow area is still a work in progress. If you have dogs who like to run or kids who play hardcore on the yard it can show wear faster. Our yard is large enough it evens out but it’s good to note. The good: massively beautiful to the point I have hope for the future! Wildlife did actually increase quickly. It’s fun and the yard is infinitely more interesting. There is less cutting and watering needed. It has made me a more relaxed person about gardening and yards in general, my yard doesn’t look like a well ordered golf course but it has the hint of wild beauty I was hoping could be achieved. The work was worth it so far!
Adding to the chorus to say, do it!! I didn’t want to go full wild chaos, so I have a mix of native grasses, flowers, shrubs and trees, loosely arranged. Because I have little kids, we added a wood chip path with stumps, logs and rocks to climb and jump on. I love when neighborhood kids hop through on their way home from school :)
Please make this a COJ post!! We’re also hoping to take out our front lawn for a pollinator garden and I’d love to see inspo from readers in different climates / regions 🥰
Chiming in to also say YES! We rented a sod cutter from HomeDepot to cut out large garden beds (we kept a small path/areas of grass) and it worked like a charm Then you can lay down cardboard/paper for weed suppression, soil, and then plant! We have so much wildlife in our yard compared to our neighbors with lawns/a few bushes, & its really lovely to think what could happen if more people took on this approach. Cheering you on!
I eliminated the grass of my entire front yard. I did the lasagna method using compost mix, leaves, cardboard, and wood chips over the existing weedy grass. It’s now a mix of perennials, annuals, shrubs and veggies. It’s been a big project, but one I’ve really enjoyed. There are definitely less work intensive ways to do it. No grass made it through my layers.
It’s a season of transition here! After 3 years of living with and intensively caring for my wonderful mom through an illness and brain tumor (it’s gone and she’s doing great now!), I am about to move to a new city with my partner. Feeling all the emotions, including excitement, love, anxiety, and sadness of not being with my mom every day. But I’m hopeful! And I’m glad the new city isn’t forever. At least I’ll get to build my own garden at the new house!
A few years ago my son gave me the daycare stomach flu (so generous of him!), and my mom just so happened to be visiting that week. I’m also a single mom, so having her there to bring me ice cold ginger ale and make sure I was comfortable was so wonderful that at one point I just started crying. I NEVER get to feel cared for anymore. I’m always doing the caring. It felt so good to be loved! Great reminder that your babies never stop being your babies, and your mom never stops being your mommy.
And that your mom will be just a grateful for a bit of care from you at some point…perhaps a care package out of the blue, or a bouquet of flowers waiting for her when she returns home?
Here to just let you know that two weeks ago I got really sick with COVID while my husband was on a business trip. My 17 year old son and 13 year old daughter took such good care of me. They did it all without me even asking for help. You’ll get to that place with your son too.
I hope you are feeling much much better Jo. I’m so glad your mom was there for you. I haven’t been this excited about our backyard veggie garden in a long time. After last season, I felt defeated. It was just too much to keep up wth (my husband had open heart surgery, weeds). I shared when him how I was feeling. He immediately went into problem solving mode, ordered two huge tall garden boxes and figured out how much dirt. No more bending over! Weed free dirt and lots of it. Last weekend we put it all together. Ready to plant. It’s beautiful and neat and I can’t wait for how satisfying it will be to grow some tomatoes . In other garden news lol, rhubarb pie last week!! Added some frozen berries to the rhubarb and custard, heavenly. And we are up to three peony plants in our little sunshine peony spot. Pink, fushcia, and newest is white. The sweetest kindest thing happened. And internet friend sent me a “I’m so sorry your dog died” care package, full of trader Joe treats, VS pretty undies, AND SEEDS HARVESTED FROM HER OWN FLOWER GARDEN. Literally the kindest thing. And it arrived the day we got the diagnosis that our 2nd pup had bone cancer. He died 2.5 weeks ago now. Two dogs gone in two months. Sigh. I’m excited to plant those flower seeds in both their honor, and think of them and my kind friend. I’m so happy to read about everyone else’s gardens. A small bit of joy in what feels like a hard world.
I’m inspired by you and also so sorry for you losses, but my real question is WHO thinks to put Victoria Secret undies in a “I’m sorry your dog died” basket – I am crying laughing at this decision making 😂 thank you for the giggle and good luck with your tomatoes!
I am so sorry about your furry family members. What a great friend you have!
VS pretty undies in a care package is surprising!!
I love that your husband went into get this solved mode for easier gardening, and I love the idea of that care package but I’m mostly gutted for you by the loss of two dogs so quickly together. Sending you love and hugs.
I too, love that she put in undies, haha! But really, what a caring gesture. Nothing says I love you like someone making sure you have some new fancy panties to bring a little joy in a time of sorrow! Very thoughful, if a bit quirky considering the occasion. I would be so touched, though.
Losing 2 dogs in 2 months is heart wrenching. Sending you lots of love Sasha. Your friend has given me some ideas though: Next care package I send out I’ll include something random like lube or sunscreen.
Sasha, I’m sending you all my love – last summer I lost both my dogs in the span of three weeks, so I know exactly how awful you’re feeling. It wrecked me; my friends and family who texted and brought me flowers and took me out for food saved me.
Than you all, so much. As my therapist says, grief is the very high price of love. And also, the first part of life is gathering, the second is letting go. I don’t like it one little bit. Here’s some more fun context for the VS undies. They were all brand new, in package. And there were probably 30 pairs. 30 PAIRS!!! After since big thank yous, I gently asked…. what made you think of undies? Here’s her answer: my beloved man loves to buy them for me. Delights in it. AND, I only wear Dulth trading grannie pannies!!! Lol. And I knew YOU DON’T WEAR UNDERWEAR so I figured maybe they would be fun? And you could use a pair or two for your many doctor appts? More lol lol lol. So, hilarious. And caring. And now I have some doctor appt undies lol. And yes, MY MAN’S eyes got very big as I pulled pair after pair after pair out of the box! He used to be very “intrigued ” by my not wearing them, now the novelty is also intriguing! I’m donating the rest to a local women’s shelter.
I would just DIE to see Andrew Scott in person, just decease right away. He is so, so talented it’s bonkers. Contrary opinion about shows during parties – it’s a never for me! Unless it’s a Super bowl or Oscars party where what’s on TV is the point, I never want to give people a place to zone out or disconnect. Curious to hear how others feel though!
Hilary, I think I would find it distracting, just as I find it intrusive when the television is playing at a bar in a restaurant when we have gone out for dinner. Maybe it’s due to my old age, but I ask to be seated elsewhere.
I always have a show on! With subtitles so the low or muted volume doesn’t matter. It helps if there is a lull in the conversation and gives us all something to talk about. I had a group of teen girls over recently and had Ben Hur going in the background. One of the girls remarked that she had never watched a movie with so much commentary. We had so much fun discussing what we liked, didn’t like, costumes, actors, googling random facts about the movie, etc.
I saw him in Uncle Vanya in London last fall and if anyone should have a license plate that says infinite rizz it is this man. His charisma just ROLLED off him and I could feel it in the back rows of the theater. INSANE. I truly almost died, Hilary.
Music with the film clips is a great middle ground I think.
What? Why can’t a middle-aged mom in a VW have infinite rizz??
haha GOOD POINT!
Oh to see Andrew Scott on the stage! My heart. My husband and I are planning a trip to NYC in June to see Swan Lake at ABT (Gillian Murphy’s swan song!) as well as Orville Peck in Cabaret. We can’t wait! My porch garden in Portland is doing ok although some pesky aphids wreaked a bit of havoc on my Japanese maple. Alas. But my topiary evergreen shaped like a cactus is thriving, so I’ll take that win. Happy Spring!
oh her swan song!! I love that her last performance is in swan lake. I’ll be seeing Devon teuscher that same week!
Hi I am planning on taking my 13 year old to NY this June for her birthday. Would love to crowdsource some ideas.
Same! Well, my niece is 20 so close to the same. Was going to do about a day and a half in Manhattan and then a day in Brooklyn. Would love some ideas! I want to see & Juliet, but would love to know of any smaller, more local shows. @Flor, Six is such a fun musical. I saw it when it premiered in Chicago, before it hit Broadway. It was so good. & Juliet seems similar.
Go to whatever play is the talk of the town in June. Get tickets now though. I rarely go to plays, like once a decade because I live in the suburbs, but each time I do I am always so saturated by the excellence of the experience. A 13 yr old is the perfect age for this experience!
We just took our 13 year old twins to NY for a few days. Biggest highlight was seeing the musical Maybe Happy Ending – we all loved it. My girls also enjoyed Coney Island, strolling around Soho and trying on lots of clothes, and a couple of trips to Central Park. They learned about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory tragedy in school this year, and so when we were in Washington Square Park and realized we were right near by the building and memorial, we went to see it and found it very moving. (Easy to miss if you aren’t looking for it, but definitely worthwhile if you are nearby.) We stayed with friends in Brooklyn and also enjoyed thrifting at L Train Vintage. Have fun!
John Proctor is the Villain!!
The Met is incredible, natural History Museum and the MoMA are great too. If you do decide to go to the Met, you might really enjoy reading the book “All the Beauty in the World” before you go. We also loved taking the ferry to see Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty.
I hired two woman to help me clean out a small outbuilding that had become a dumping ground for all things old, broken, icky and unused. I scheduled three days and they cranked it out in a day! I now have gardening tools and supplies on shelves, rakes and tools hanging up and we can get to the bikes! The best part? I have room for a ping pong table!
Where did you find them??
that’s wonderful!! maybe Ann used Task Rabbit? My friend found a great handyman on there who has been helping her install shelves, lights, you name it. I haven’t tried it yet myself but it sounds very appealing to just hand them a list of tasks to do!!
I live in a very small Vermont town. Everybody knows everybody!
Oh the plants are so, so happy to be back. Most of my native pollinator garden is entering its third year–it’s time to leap, baby!
Oh, my garden. We have landscapers come out every spring to remulch and do a cleanup, and one of the guys (by accident) completely hacked my hydrangeas down to nothing. The disappointment and grief I felt was so stupid considering everything in this world, but BECAUSE of all the horror and my current depression one of the few things I was looking forward to were my beautiful flowers. There were so many buds forming this year, and they’re the most gorgeous shade of blue. And now I’ll be lucky to get a bloom or two. I called my mom after I saw what they did and bawled for like 20 minutes. I turned back into a five year-old, but like you Joanna sometimes you need your Mommy.
Oh, Jules. I can so relate. I had a lovely little Ginkgo tree that I had transplanted twice and it was finally doing well (albeit was still small). Then came the landscapers … sigh. They didn’t just hack it, they dug it up and tossed it!!! I am still saddened.
I get this. My landscape lights were stolen from my front yard. They lit up trees and plants. When I discovered it I cried like I had a home invasion and was held at gun point. And then I felt stupid for crying. But! It’s not stupid. Hydrangeas are beautiful! They brought you joy. It’s frustrating. Tears are allowed!
Oh! This broke my heart for you, Jules! I’m so sorry. I totally understand the role our flowers play in mental health. The year my crabapple didn’t bloom due to a hard freeze, I thought my grief would crush me. Not stupid at all. Sending wishes that your hydrangeas have a glorious year next year. ❤️
Glad you’re feeling Jo, that sounds awful. I think I wrote a comment before but I just love how your mom is letting her gray come in. I grew my hair out gray in 2022 and have never looked back, but I’m your age! My garden – I researched how to “flash grow” tulip bulbs (too busy this fall to put them in!) and transplanted outside. They were eaten by rabbits within a week so it’ll have to do with wildflower seeds. Too cold for veggie planting yet in Wisconsin but I found free seeds at my library’s “seed library” I am excited to try.
I was initially confused by the Chekhov lust, but this proved Lucy’s point exactly: https://lithub.com/10-pictures-of-young-chekhov-ranked-by-hotness/
hahahahahah yes! she sends me smoldering pics of him
I think we need a post about the weird things CoJ readers text to their siblings. My sister recently sent me a link to a story about how King Charles III had published a (fairly dorky) list of his favorite pop songs with a comment that said “Why do I see this and immediately think of you?” followed by several cry-laughing emojis. And my response was “Uh, because I saw the same news this morning and thought, ‘Relevant to so many of my interests!'”
my sister also sends photos of any weird Reese’s flavors she sees around — like red velvet Reese’s or chocolate lava Reese’s. the list is very, very long.
Agree to disagree – I clicked through to check out hot young Chekhov but I just want more photos of his brother Nikolai! Much hotter imo and also an artist!?
his brother Nikolai painted this portrait of Anton! https://arthur.io/art/nikolay-chekhov/portrait-of-anton-chekhov-by-his-brother
Hahaha I had to check (chekh?) the comments for the Chekhov mention… one of my favourite authors though I wasn’t aware of his good looks until now :D Currently reading his stories (one story every night!) and they are AWESOME. Depressing? Some of them, but mostly just an absolute joy to read and feel connected to human beings in another time and place and getting the sense of being part of the universal human experience. I HIGHLY recommend George Saunders’ “A Swim in a Pond in the Rain” to discover (and fall in love with) the Russian masters!
Wait did you name Anton after ANTON CHEKHOV??? Mad respect
My backyard Toronto garden is coming to life after the long winter. The garlic is popping up, and my seedlings are hardening off on the back deck. Gardens changed my life. In 2020 I turned 50 I gifted myself a raised bed for my big birthday and went back to school to earn my Organic Landcare Diploma and never looked back. My small city garden is an oasis teeming with life. It’s a celebration of the interconnectedness of all things and continues to teach me about our place in this incredible web of life.
Our small city garden is also coming back to life here in Calgary, and it’s so energizing! We just moved in last year so we’re still getting to know her, but there’s so much potential. Could you share where you did your diploma? I’ve looked at a few different permaculture and organic gardening/landcare programs over the years but it’s so hard to tell the fantastic from the just okay based on websites. And while I would ideally like to find something local so the zones line up (and we have lots of microclimate idiosyncrasies here) I’m curious about programs across the country!
Hi S, Gaia College which is based in B.C. is where I got my diploma. It’s online and students do the work based on the ecosystems where they live, which then is shared among classmates. Happy Growing!!
I had been sick, too! It lasted 48 hours and then let me come black to life. It’s amazing how you can be fine one minute and all of a sudden hit by a bus. So glad to be on the other side of hell.
Being cared for when sick is the best! We are still looking for our permanent home, so my garden plans are not panning out as of yet, but hoping I get to garden some at least this year. I have big plans for my future garden!
I’m sorry to hear you were ill, Joanna. I hope you’re feeling better. Hehehe @ “a slew of brutally depressing works.” Chekhov was a handsome young man, though.
Andrew Scott is such an incredible actor… would die to see him live like that!!!
The idea of a traditionally maternal mother is so foreign to me. Mine is cold- not cruel, per se, just has never been tender or loving in the way you describe. A hug? Caring for me when I’m sick? Weird. I try to give my child what she never gave me but I worry I never learned how and I worry I’m broken in the same way she is, and that my child will say these same things about me some day.
I (obviously) don’t know anything about your mom or what you childhood was like, but I’d like to suggest that, when it comes to you at least, different doesn’t mean broken. You obviously love your child, that doesn’t have to look the same as it does for everyone else for you to be a good mom. Just keep loving your kid, I promise if they know that it will be more meaningful than anything else you could give them.
Jo, you chose a mothering path so now you have the opportunity to relive the childhood you longed for. You can bring all the love and warmth and in your nurturing as a mother, your inner child will also be nurtured (and healed).
I’m in the same boat as you, Jo! My father was actually the more warm, loving, and consistent caregiver in my life (unfortunately, he passed away a number of years ago, when I was a young adult). I have a low-contact relationship with my mother, but try not to talk badly about her to my son – but he recognizes how cruel she is to me, and he’ll often say things to me like, “What a mean thing that was that Grandma said to you!” or “How did you ever survive living with her?” Sending you virtual hugs.
I am sorry and I also get it – I am in a similar boat. It’s hard to parent when you personally do not have good parenting role models from your childhood. I usually roughly follow the George Costanza rule :) I ask in a parenting situation, “What would my mother do?” And I do the opposite.
First, that sounds really hard. Second, I think this is a place where “fake it til you make it” could be a helpful way to think about it. If you believe these things have to feel natural and easy, you’re setting yourself up for failure– because how could they feel that way if you didn’t have those experiences yourself? But the behaviors are what matter. Decide what it means to behave warmly and maternally (however you want to define that) and hold yourself accountable for your actions, not the feelings behind them. Over time, it will probably feel less awkward, but if it doesn’t at least you know your actions matched your intent. (In case you’re wondering– my experience wasn’t exactly like yours, but similar. My family was very quick to anger and violence, and I had to learn how to change my behaviors to break that cycle. Over time, my emotional landscape changed as well — but there were years where I’d get in a fight with my spouse and all I wanted to do was scream and throw things, and it was real progress to say “I am going to take some time on my own to calm down” instead of just letting my habits drive my behavior. I choose to give myself credit for that behavioral progress rather than self-flagellating over the emotional response.)
same. i learned how to be a mom from tv. theres some good examples on tv.
Hi Jo! Your child is lucky to have you as a parent! You’re putting intention and work into growing a different relationship with them and you should be proud of yourself for that. Take it one hug at a time, one caregiving opportunity at a time, so you also get to enjoy it! <3
You are not alone. I no longer speak to my mother (or father) after a lot of trauma and toxicity. This month is the 1-year mark of estrangement. My mother was not tender, loving, or comforting. Quite the opposite. I try to give my children what I craved as a child…. and hope that’s enough. I think that you even worrying about whether you will be “enough” says more about you and the motherly qualities you possess more than anything….
“I think that you even worrying about whether you will be “enough” says more about you and the motherly qualities you possess more than anything….” = couldn’t agree more, Christy! If you ask that question, the answer is a definitive yes.
Thank you so, so much, all. These words mean so much to me. I’m doing my best, and I love the concept of the behavior meaning more than the feelings, and letting the feelings catch up in time. Thank you all ❤️
Ugh. I am sorry. I remember getting sick once and my mother expressing frustration with the situation because she planned on…wait for it….vacuuming that day. She was not always like this but when she was, watch out. BUT I think that is why I have a really thick skin today.
Jo, I feel the same. I had/have an emotionally absent mother and when I see things like this, with Joanna’s mom taking care of her, I definitely feel fresh grief. I have a daughter and it’s been a journey learning how to give her what I never got. Like someone in the comments said, there are times when my nurturing her actually feels like it’s healing something in me. But still, I have to grieve that I will never feel taken care of like that. My husband can’t fill that role, my daughter shouldn’t fill that role. It’s just something that I didn’t get in life and it’s OK to be sad about it. I recommend the podcast Grow Yourself Up; the host speaks directly to people who come from backgrounds like ours!
I’m so sorry to Jo and Jan and all the other women who are grieving these maternal relationships. You sound like incredible parents, and I’m so sorry you didn’t receive that type of nurturing as children, as well now, in your adult life. Sending so much love.
I’m right there with you, Jo! I don’t have a cruel mom by any means – but warm? Absolutely not. I don’t remember her being affectionate or outwardly/physically loving, asking me about myself/my days. I have a 10 year old and 6 year old and we are so affectionate and talkative and know everything about each other. It’s so important to me to have a relationship with my kids that I most definitely did not have with either of my parents.