Guess Who Was on Jeopardy Last Night?

Just wanted you to know, this is still floating around the ethos. I didn’t see this when it first aired, but it randomly popped up on TikTok the other day!

I’m a psychologist and I read Paul’s book with one of my patients who was dying of cancer. It was very meaningful as we collaborated to prepare her for her death. She wanted to die in a manner she felt dignified and the book helped her find her own way to die.

I’m in a book rut, so I think my summer reading project is going to be re-reads of books that I know meant a lot to me but I can’t really remember in detail. I’m going to put WBBA on the list, which so far includes East of Eden and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Klay.

Paul’s book is a real cultural touchstone for sure. Literally yesterday I was at a bookshop in Queenstown airport (small airport in New Zealand) and I saw his book, and pointed it out to my partner saying, this was written by Cup of Jo’s brother in law! There can’t have been more than a hundred titles in the whole store.

“I read that book I read that book!!” is what I shouted to the TV when the clue appeared. My 95-year old father passed away in February and when I called my younger son he asked “What happened????” and my sister and I now get a little chuckle about that because it really did feel like a surprise.

I am a nurse at Stanford children’s and I worked with Paul during his fellowship in neurosurgery. Other nurses and I speak often about what a wonderful provider he was – he always respected the voices of the nurses. He was excellent with families and would’ve had an incredibly successful career. Gone to soon. His book is a beautifully written one.i have shared it with many over the years. .

I watched that episode with my partner and sat straight up and said IT’S PAUL! And of course answered correctly :) Then I got to tell him all about CoJ and Paul’s story. Loved the book.

I wonder if anyone still keeps up with John Duberstein. I hope he is well. <3

I read When Breath Becomes Air in February 2016, and nearly a decade later, I’m still so moved by Paul’s words. Now that I think about it, I can’t believe I’m nearing 36—the age he was when he was diagnosed (I think?). Wow. I can’t tell you how often I think of (and am still moved to tears by) his note to his daughter. “Do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy…” Those words are probably the most gorgeous love note ever written. Truly, I (randomly) think about Paul all the time.

Lucy’s word on Big Salad really hit hard for me. The shock of a person you love so deeply just vanishing is a gut punch. My sister passed away in January from brain cancer. She was only 22 years old. I had been by her side almost daily for the last 6 months of her life, and to have her just be gone, is so painful. So wrong. I read Paul’s memoir when it first came out, and read it again recently. It’s so beautiful. Thank you for posts like these. They make me feel less alone. All my love to everyone sharing their stories here, including Lucy! And to my sister Grace, I’ll love you and sing your praises for all the rest of my days.

My cousin/like sister/ bestie ‘s life ended when we were on a trip in 2020; a few days ago after she was in my dreams I woke up and reality told me that she was gone but it took me a solid thought cycle to re-remember her absence as true and not as a ridiculous idea that would fade with the dream. But I would not give up those dreams of her for anything and neither would she

I lost my 30 yr old daughter to cancer 20 years ago. Just today her cousin, who loved and misses her as much as I, sent me this, with the message “weeping.” So lovely. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHvt8h-Oaos/?igsh=MXFsdmtuam1kbjdjZg==

I love this! How awesome that Paul’s book was so widely appreciated that it’s on Jeopardy. That was a great read. What a human. What loss. Your sister & all celebrate him so sweetly, frequently.

Once again realizing it’s grief (and the love that is behind it) that unites us as humans. Hugs to everyone out there. Very much relating to the pain of “Walt, this can’t be right? He can’t be gone??” feeling. Lost our sweet dog to bone cancer a week and a half ago (and not even two months after losing our beloved hound in February). Every morning I wake and it hits me. Yes, this is real.

My husband and I watch jeopardy every night! (Recorded, after the kids go to bed.) We’ve been doing so for our entire marriage. And I recently recommended When Breath Becomes Air to him because he’s in his reading era. I read it over 10 years ago. He was delighted to see it on jeopardy and know the answer!

How great would that blue square and text be as framed art?

My husband of 19 years died while driving our son home from a friend’s house. As he was leaving the house, he said, “I’ll heat the soup up when I get home.” He picked our son up, stopped to get gas and was dead 20 minutes later. I believe with all my heart, his last loving act of kindness was to stop the car safely so our son was uninjured. It’s still unfathomable to me that this kind, intelligent, caring man is gone. He was never late to a meeting, we never missed a train or plane, he was our foundation. How can he not be here?

Today is my daughter’s 6th birthday. She died when she was 7 weeks old after being born early and spending her whole life in the hospital. I’m a nurse now in the same children’s hospital where she died and today I read this post at work. I’m sad today but I’d rather be sad and remember than be happy and forget.

I am a longtime reader and always love hearing about Paul and how your sister and her family (and your broader family) continue to remember him, honor him, love him 💖 I work for a nonprofit and a former intern of mine was studying to be a doctor at Brown University – I remember when she read that book. It must have been suggested/required reading for the medical school and I thought that was so great!!

Love that Paul’s legacy continues and that so many people reached out to you about it <3 A similar clue was featured on the December 18, 2017 episode as well. https://jboard.tv/viewtopic.php?t=4474

My mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease a few years ago, and this weekend, an incident made it painfully clear that she will not be independent for long. She refuses to talk about the diagnosis (in fact, she had my dad tell me), despite being a nurse. I feel like I am losing her bit by bit, especially since I live out of state and both of my parents refuse help. What a gift for Paul to be so open with his family and the world at large, especially given his expertise as a physician. I have read his book and loved it.

I must be the densest person in the world but what is the answer?

I was a Jeopardy contestant in 2018 (I lost real hard, thanks, Final Jeopardy), I adored Paul’s book, and my mom passed unexpectedly a couple of years ago, so this post hits. I unfortunately did not see the episode live because Jeopardy for some reason airs at 11:30 AM in Houston, but that must have been a thrill for y’all.

I saw that in real time and felt so happy that I got it right, that I am part of this community. I’m glad it made your sister smile!

One of my best friends passed last year from brain cancer (she was 41) and I totally agree with the part about her actually being gone. I helped take care of her for 3 years and I’m still shocked that she’s gone too. It’s the weirdest thing ever. And even when you think you’re prepared, the actual process of them dying is shocking.

Ok I am tearing up reading this and seeing Lucy and her daughter at Paul’s grave. My mom died a year and a half ago from cancer and reading When Breath Becomes Air after her death meant so much to me. I am now listening to Suleika Jaouad’s Between Two Kingdoms after your post last week (it is on Spotify premium!). Thank you for sharing this part of your family with us <3

After I read Paul’s book, I wrote a quote down from it onto a piece of paper and kept it it taped up at my desk when I was a surgical coordinator; reminding me to “treat all paperwork as patients, rather than treating patients as paperwork”. He lives on alongside/beyond his death.

I read this quote in a book about grief not long after my father passed away. Even though he was sick and I knew he was dying, the permanence of it brought me to my knees. “There is no experience quite as stunning as when there is nothing where something once was.”

I think a beautiful thing about this blog is how much it mirrors life. When talking with family or friends, those you’ve lost will come up organically, the memory of them doesn’t fade away. As stories remembering Paul have popped up on the blog over the years, I’m always struck by how true to life it is – you never forget the people you love, even if they are gone. Thanks for always sharing with your internet family.

I read Paul’s book shortly after it was published, and had followed the sad ordeal through this site. It was so, so impressive. I need to read it again. I send good thoughts to your sister and their daughter…

I love this book so much. And I’m a creative writing professor at a university and Paul’s memoir is one of their assigned books to read. They love meeting him and Lucy and their daughter and he lives on over and over again every semester.

Just sitting here reading these comments with tears running down my cheeks, missing my mom, and feeling so grateful for the big beautiful hearts in this community that share with such generosity.

Sadly I don’t read as much anymore, but this was one I finished and treasured. It was astonishing and beautiful.

That photo of Lucy and her daughter by the grave is so beautiful and so heartbreaking all in the same. I can’t believe Paul has been gone 10 years.

My husband died at the start of the year, holding my hand. I still cannot get my head around the fact that I will have to go on without him. Sometimes it is crushing.

I was driving around the day before my husband’s funeral and I picked up the phone to talk to him about what kind of pickles we should serve . . . at his funeral. (Pickles had been pretty much the only thing I felt like eating after my dad’s funeral, so now they feel like a requirement for any mourning luncheon). It is so weird when your humans just vanish. I still text him on WhatsApp, and sometimes I’m still surprised when he doesn’t reply. xox

Paul was also a question/answer on the highbrow BBC quiz show University Challenge a few years ago – I think I emailed to let you know?? Hard to explain to people outside Britain, but University Challenge is a very big deal!

My grandpa died when my dad was 22, and I never met my grandpa. My dad he always has spoken so kindly of his father. Throughout my childhood and still now, my dad would say countless witty phrases from my grandpa, and so I always have had such a positive feeling about him. Now I say these phrases so much so that even my husband and my own kids say them! It’s beautiful to see how the warm, witty legacy of this man my husband, kids and I never met lives on.

That last line, “On our wedding anniversary, I’ll bring him a lemon from our lemon tree,” really hit me. It’s such a pure gesture, so simple and yet profound. The visual of placing a piece of fresh fruit on a grave, from a shared garden, is just such a beautiful invitation to relish all that once was. Thank you for sharing.

You and your family move me so much – your lives, your living and your dying.

My mom died 6 years ago and I still find it so hard. Most of the time the grief is managable but I guess I’m surprised by how actute it is at times. The other day I saw a name pop up on my text messages, nothing like ‘Mom’, although my heart skipped a beat thinking it was from her. I’m not sure how long it takes the brain to catch up. You always find a way to move forward but perhaps the loss will always feel like an enormous void.

How cool that his memory lives on! Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my big sister. She was a lot older than me and we only found each other about 14 years ago but it was nice to have a big sister for a while. Last March she was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lung Cancer and she died at home on the 23rd of April surrounded by all 5 of her sons and her Husband of 48 years. She lived an enjoyable life but I wish she had lived longer. Yesterday also happened to be 5 years since my husbands cousin passed away. Her death was so hard as it was right at the start of Covid lockdowns so we couldnt be together as a family. My husband was offshore and kept being delayed to come home because of the weather. I always feel like we never got to say a proper goodbye to her and that gets a little harder every year xx

My dad died unexpectedly in December the same week he was retiring, aged 66. A month later my sweet pup passed away. It’s been a dark season, but writing it out has been helpful. https://tinyurl.com/griefandstuff Lucy’s strength has been a beacon of light for me, knowing that the greatest loves live on in us.

It is coming up to an election here and I think often about a friend who I last saw after our last election. He and I were ‘true believers’ and after weathering many storms of right wing victories, finally had something to celebrate. He rode his bike over and stood among the autumn foliage in our street as we said goodbye. Everything felt so briefly golden. And now I miss him terribly, I have a wonderful husband and so many friends. But none with whom I have the same kinds of conversations, the same passionate debates. It feels like a beloved part of me died with him, which I suppose was the way he saw me.

My father died a year ago, my mother, 10 years ago. It feels weird to type that. I feel them around all the time, but I can also feel their absence, the lack of their voice, face, smell, touch. Love from Paris

Jenna Bush Hager’s husband , Harry, also mentioned the book when he was co hosting Jenna and Friends a few weeks back. Apparently he’s not a big reader, but your BIL’s book obviously impacted him!

I wish Paul was still here.

I miss my mom so much. It’s been 5 years after a long time taking care of her at the end of her life, a gift for sure for me and my kids. I just had a granddaughter in September and I so badly want to see my mom interact with this beautiful child. But I don’t mind so much as I channel her during my interactions with my granddaughter. All the things she used to say to my kids have come back to me and I say them to my granddaughter (“I love you a bushel and a peck”- what does that even mean?-I just looked it up and it makes sense to me now) I do know my mother “knows” about her and we will all tell her the stories. I think this is just the way we keep the ones we love with us (as Lucy keeps Paul) and although it is different, it still means so much. We just learn to feel our lost loved ones in different ways and I take comfort in that.

This book meant so much to me when my father died. It was so powerful to read how much Paul loved Cady and Lucy and his family, and his thoughts on his life and his death. My dad died in a very sudden, scary way- and we never had those kinds of conversations, and being able to hear Paul’s thoughts, I could imagine how much my own father must have loved me, and us. I got to meet Lucy at an event for when breath becomes air, and she was luminous and so, very warm. I said “I’ve been reading cup of Jo since I was 14! Before Toby, before Joanna left glamour magazine! You two have come to mean so much to me!” And her eyes got huge and she was thrilled, just so kind. Wish Lucy the best forever.

Oh gosh this made me so emotional. How much love your sister has for Paul is just so touching and beautiful.

What timing! I came from my cousin’s funeral today. He was 43 and it was such a surprise. I hadn’t talked to him for some time—the natural distance that comes with age, and to be honest, a knowledge on my part that he’d gotten increasingly invested in fringe political views that upset me. I don’t regret a ton, but I do regret that those political differences filled up so much space in my mind that they crowded out the human being behind them. He’s gone now, and the fear/demonization of the healthcare system contributed mightily to his death. I just wish I’d gotten a chance to remember the person behind the bombastic worldviews while he was still here. I’m missing the heck out of him.

❤️

What a legacy. Paul lives on in Cady and Lucy. Big hugs to them. In such a tough time for so many, I’m grieving the loss of a beloved journalism professor. A force, she reported from abroad, did morning drive radio in Chicago and mentored hundreds of students. When she retired, she stated that her proudest career achievement was the international reporting class that ended in a two week stint abroad. She fundraised for this and shepherded each trip. I was lucky enough to be chosen for her second trip – to China in 2007 – and felt the warmth of her belief in her students. I now work in higher education and have chaperoned two trips abroad. In a time when things feel bleak, this community and my former professor are a reminder to keep exploring. Stay curious and open. Fight for truth and see the good in others. All we have is each other.

Just FYI his memoir has been read by pretty much every physician I have trained/ trained with/ trained under in my area (Texas Med Center). I have a copy in my office and if I’ve had a rough day in the unit it is one of my comfort books to reach for.

We watch Jeopardy a day late and had just heard that clue/answer and I opened your blog. I’m grateful that Lucy saw to its publication.

Did not see the episode, but did go to the library yesterday after reading your post featuring the awe inspiring Suleika Jaouad, and to my delight, what should I see nestled in beside her memoir? Paul’s book! Call it kismet…or the Dewey decimal system….but I borrowed them both.

Lucy is so beautiful, strong, and gives such good, loving vibes. Is there anything I can do to help her feel better? I’m only an email away. Xx.

This post is so damn sweet and made me cry. Oh this life. It’s so precious.

Joanna, I’ve always felt like I knew Paul through you and Lucy and his book is high on my list of books to read over and over. I didn’t see the show but I would have known the answer instantly. I’m so happy that his memory lives on through the millions of us who have read the book and will never forget him.

My mom died by suicide a year and a half ago and it nearly broke me. It was the first death I had ever experienced (I often joke that my life goes zero to sixty, ha). But Lucy’s words about being surprised about her husband really being dead resonated with me — I was shocked by how little of my mom was left once she was gone. Just some voicemails, clothes, and her beautiful paintings, which I will treasure always.

My partner died from cancer several years ago and I read Paul’s brilliant book not long before he passed. It is such a special account to me. I love to see it being recognized on Jeopardy!! Big Jeopardy fan as well!! What an answer. :) I also love love love whenever you write about Lucy on here. Thank you <3

Think of his beautiful memoir all the time <3

My son has a life-limiting disease and has been slowly dying for the last 15 years. Sometimes I feel like I already miss him even though he’s still here. I’ll never forget reading Paul’s memoir as I kept watch with my son during a hospital stay. Paul’s experience as a patient after being a doctor for so long really spoke to me.

Lately, I have seen his book mentioned more in this Facebook I am in ~ Peloton Moms Book Club. It makes me happy that a decade later people are being impacted by his story and even saying it’s one of their favorite reads. I will never forget reading it on a plane and not being prepared for the deep sadness and tears I felt. Loss is so hard. The heart ache truly never fades.

I was briefly in the LSJUMB thanks to Pubby, a memory that’s always made me smile but felt random to bring up here! My family went to Stanford Sierra Camp when I was a kid and I met him there the summer before I was going to starting my freshman year of college. He and his friends recruited the hell out of me by leaving little notes and trinkets outside my dorm door, which made me feel terribly fancy even though I wasn’t (and am still not) remotely musically talented. So I joined, and was issued a trombone I had no idea how to play, and marched and scattered joyfully in the homecoming game halftime show that was Stanford Prison Experiment-themed, because LSJUMB. What a wild, wonderful gift that was.

I did see it and I knew the answer! Such an amazing book. I am missing my brother and my Dad today (and every day). They died a year apart about 10 years ago and sometimes I still can’t believe they are both gone.

My three year old daughter died last year and I miss her so completely and overwhelmingly. Paul’s book means a lot to me and my husband. It lives on my nightstand. Thanks, Lucy, for ensuring his words — and yours — reach so many people.

Shortly after er my father died, he was a clue to a question on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. When he passed, I had no connection to anyone else who knew him, and the mention of him on the radio was…and is still… comforting. I’m glad you and Lucy and your family got that moment.

Please tell Lucy I get it. Even as a longtime reader I saw the picture of Lucy and Paul and the question guess who was on Jeopardy last night and my first thought was oh Paul must have been, he was so smart. My brother in law passed away almost two years ago and our family still has a hole. I guess that’s just how it goes. There will always be some disbelief. Love to you two.

I’ve been wanting to read this book since it came out, but I cry so much just reading mentions of it I don’t think I’d be able to get through it without turning into a literal puddle. I cried my makeup off just reading about Lucy bringing a lemon to his grave!