What I Would Say To My Younger Self

I needed this as an adult. Thanks, Ruth! Keep up the good work!

I would tell myself to be kind to everyone.

I needed this reminder, for myself and for my son! Thank you, Ruth <3

I would tell my younger self, especially my early-30s self, in the words of the great Tanya Tucker (and echoed by wise Elsa), “if love don’t come easy, it’s best to let it gooooo.”

I don’t know what i would to my yonger-self, actually I don’t think about it.But I’m a father of 2 little kids and I ask my self everyday how to be the best father for my kids…

Ruth this makes me feel seen right now! Thank you for sharing your journey. Love your work and love seeing it on CoJ. xoxoxo to you and everyone whose giving their younger selves a little extra love and attention.

joy and depth of care to little Ruth- traveling back in time to the brain, heart and bone-never too late for any of us to give the medicine to our inner young ones that we still need. thank you.

Gosh I love Ruth Chan. I remember a podcast about encouraging kindness in your children. They said something along the lines of ‘everyone says they want their child to be kind, but do they actually celebrate kindness the way they celebrate other achievements? Do they call out kindness when they see it in others? Do they talk to their child about trying to be kind themselves, the way they talk about their other skills? That was life changing for me. It’s been a long road from softness is weakness to softness is wonderful, but I’ve got the two cutest travellers on the journey with me, so it’s worth it.

Made me teary too, thank you for this.

This is so true and beautiful – we all have access to talk and be with our younger selves to show them love and compassion.

This is wonderful. It should be a story book x

Bawling my head off. This was beautiful, Ruth.

Awww. Love this so much. Cup of Jo, please keep publishing Ruth’s stuff. I wish I could tell my younger self that things would be ok–I’d experience challenges, heartache, and grief–but that I would also experience joy, lightness, and awe.

Thank you so much, Ruth, for sharing yourself through your work. This is beautiful and so are you.

Thank you for this! It’s such a great reminder for my parenting right now.

So important when, on a daily basis, we hear about this current administration and Republicans everywhere targeting and treating certain people as less than human, devaluing them at every turn, and treating them worse than we treat animals.

I love this. Thank you!

I was watching “My Old Ass” a few months ago (highly recommend – 18-year-old is visited by her 39-year-old self). Near the start of the movie when they first meet, the older Elliot takes a moment, looks at her younger self, and just gives her a MASSIVE hug. It’s maybe 20 minutes into the movie and I just bawled when it happened. I speak so much about this with my counsellor – how if I could speak to my younger self I would show her so much love and thank her for keeping me safe. I love this so much Ruth – thanks for sharing <3

Love this SO much! If I could tell young me something from older me, it would be that I am enough. I tell my son this all the time…especially now that we are in the big feels portion of the teenage years. Those words mean so dang much!

This is everything! So beautiful Ruth! I suspect this is resonating wildly to children of immigrants, I know it is for me. Thank you! This is so simple, yet so powerful, talk to your younger self, give now what you did not have, it’s healing!

Thank you, Ruth. I also get teary-eyed looking at my old pictures and wanted to hug that little girl with that questioning, uncertain look. I didn’t have the chance to have kids but try to pass on the love and acceptance to my little niece and nephew. Warmest regards to you and the Cup of Jo Team!

Ruth, your CofJ post entitled A Love Letter to My Favorite Band from a few years back still resonates with me-so tyou for that piece. Lovely lessons there. When my father passed, I was 11 yrs old. My family shattered then scattered is how I grew to explain it. It took years to build my whole family back to health but so worth the effort. What I tell myself to this day (I’m 66) is family comes from all walks of life just stay open to every possibility. A life of quality over quantity.

💕💕💕

How beautifully expressed—this brought tears to my eyes. If I could speak to my younger self, I would only say three words: I love you. Growing up in a South Asian family, I never heard those words until I was 18—from my boyfriend, now my husband. My younger self needed to hear that love could be spoken out loud, too.

BEAUTIFUL

Ruth’s work always has a way of speaking directly to emotions that I didn’t realize I had. Thank you, thank you, thank you

holy crap this whole post had me in tears. thank you for this. every panel – yes.

This past September, I curated an art exhibition based on the tarot. There were 22 artists, and each was randomly assigned one major arcana card to interpret in their own style. For weeks, I had all the card assigned, except one — the Empress. I asked three different artists to take on the Empress, and each of them said they were too busy. Finally, I decided maybe the universe was telling me that it had to be me. Though I do sometimes make art I’m not “an artist,” and I was intimidated. The Empress was a challenging card (for me) — the divine feminine, abundance, creativity, owning your own power. And I had no idea what to do with it. I had ideas for drawings, paintings, sculptures….but ultimately, I decided to do what I do best, and write. I wrote a letter to my young self, what I wish I had known when I was 12, or what I think the Empress might say. I put it on ruled paper in an envelope on a pedestal next to a big comfy chair, and visitors to the exhibition could stop, pausing between the paintings and video artworks and collages, to sit down and read my letter. I have to say it was one of the most rewarding writing experiences of my life, and I’ve been writing professionally for a decade. Someone even bought it! Talking to our young selves is so valuable – they are still with us, and caring for them frees us up in a million unseen and unpredictable ways. Bless our little inner children!

I had a perm that crimped my hair as a child. Crimped hair perm on a child! The smell, I can still remember the smell.

Beautiful. The part about hiding yourself because you think others are more important resonates greatly with me — I think I did this until my late 20s and I still struggle with it. I always dreamed of passing lessons like this to a daughter, as the author does, and find myself instead with two wonderful little boys. Curious to hear from others with more experience how these kinds of lessons resonate when passing them down from mom to son rather than mom to daughter! Sometimes I feel sad, worried they won’t have the same impact, or it somehow isn’t as meaningful.

Simply telling someone they matter just because they exist is so important. The message children hear about mattering is usually based on looks or accomplishments, etc. It is message children need to hear, and many simply don’t. So touching, Ruth! Thank you!

Last panel had me tearing up. Well done, Ruth!

Ugh, RUTH! Got me crying in my coffee this morning. This is fantastic and so well said. I have the same feelings and also try to show up for my daughters. <3

This was touching, and made me want to make sure that I am encouraging the things in my young daughter that you wish had been encouraged and nurtured in you when you were young. I feel all of these things, but I need to be sure to tell her. She is enough just as she is, she is worthy of being seen, and she matters. Those are things that no kid can hear too many times, and that most children, even those who are very loved and cherished, probably don’t hear enough. As parents sometimes we think just go without saying, but this touching post reminded me that some things are too important to just assume our children know. Thank you for bringing this realization to light, and if I follow through, I’m sure my daughter’s grownup self will thank you to.

the last panel is one of the best parts about getting to mentor and care for younger generations!