Have a Cozy Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? The boys and I might go to Coney Island — the rollercoasters are already open for the season! I’ve also been reading a great book about a magpie, of all things. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
Who will be joining the Hands Off! Day of Action tomorrow? We will be in Manhattan.
Have you seen the new show The Studio? I’ll watch anything with Seth Rogen’s laugh.
A fun Tetris-like chicken game, if you’re tired of Wordle. (via Kottke)
This summer shirt has the perfect silhouette.
Making a three-ingredient microwavable Nutella cake with the boys tonight. (NYTimes gift link)
“I want to be rich and I’m not sorry.” “A guy friend from college believed he was complimenting me by musing, ‘Who would have thought Jess Knoll would have been the success story from our class?’ Who would have thought? Me. I did.” (NYTimes gift link; tw: assault)
The White Lotus hotel staff on their break, hahaha.
Wouldn’t your jaw drop if you walked into this house and saw its colorful staircase?
Harling Ross Anton collaborated on the dreamiest nightgowns.
Omg Pedro Pascal is so charming!
A man and his dog, sob.
Finally, the 13 beauty products we always finish (they’re so good!!!) on Big Salad. xoxo
Plus, three reader comments:
Says Alison what do you like about the way you look: “I so resonated with your observations of women out in the world. Sometimes I find myself at the grocery store silently admiring the women – of varying ages – selecting produce. All so unique and beautiful!”
Says Whitney what do you like about the way you look: “I love when our family is laughing at the dinner table, and my husband says to our kids, ‘You all have your mom’s smile, and it’s beautiful.’”
Says Lindsey on what do you like about the way you look: “I’m in my mid-40s and I love how much more I look like my mom with each passing year. She has been dead for almost 10 years and sometimes when I look in the mirror and see her looking back at me, I feel closer to her.” Replies Mouse: “Same, my dear. I’m 65 and my mother has been gone for 50 years. When I have felt critical of the way I look I have also felt that it can’t be bad because it looks like my mother. It keeps her in the world. Xx to you.”
(Photo by Ruth Black/Stocksy.)
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Comments
213 commentsRe the chickens. We are raising baby chicks. In our living room in a dog crate. They are 3 weeks old. They are partly fuzzy, partly beautiful tiny feathers. 4 Sapphire Gem breed layers, Billie, Dinah, Nina and Ella. They will join Dolly, Stevie, EmmyLou, Pat, Joan, and Blondie, our 2 year old back yard flock of Red and Black Stars. I’m currently sleeping on the couch to be near our sweet dog Ed, who has bone cancer, and can’t navigate our bedroom anymore, just in case he needs me in the night. It’s hard. It sucks. There is so much sadness. And anger. So the chicks wake me up with their squawking and flapping around and little battles all night long. Then, like clock work, they all quiet down and sleep in unison again, only to party hard a bit later. Rinse, repeat. The little hens have three modes. Asleep. In which they literally face plant in their bedding and if you didn’t know better, you’d have a bit of a heart attack seeing them. And bat shit wing nut CRAZY PANTS. And “hey?? Whatchadoin? What’s Goin on our there??” Heads with big eyes stretching through the bars to look out. Curious little ding bats. They are such a source of joy in a dark time. In another couple months they’ll move outside and in a few more they’ll be laying little brown eggs. Ed will be long since gone by then. No more cracking those eggs to make his treat breakfast, just to get him to eat. I don’t even know what I meant to say. Enjoy the chicken game. I have been, between crying and laughing at the chicks and comforting Ed and trying to just hold on to this moment forever. Think of my silly hens, they don’t need that knife, their little breaks are deadly if you get too close. Think of sweet Ed, softest black lab and border collie fur, laying his paw across my foot, leg, lap, to comfort whatever is upsetting me, giving his groan of contentment, just always making life so much better. Ed, with his old box of agility blue ribbons, and his three big baskets of toys that he knew all by name, Ed, who could once fly above my head to catch snow balls or rocks (yes rocks), Ed who saved his friend from drowning and another from a dog attack, Ed who was more than we ever deserved. Ed, who is leaving 13 years of loyalty and protection and comfort, and love.
Dear Sasha, I’m waving hi from CA where I too am sleeping on the couch to be near my Bea, a14 year old black lab & border collie mix with the softest fur. Sending love & solidarity to you & Ed.
THIS CHICKEN GAME! My husband and I played the entire time we were waiting for our 7 year old to come out of a tonsillectomy surgery. Later, while a nurse was giving us discharge instructions, my husband slyly showed me he only had 20 chickens left. I mouthed to him *STOP* because he didn’t know if you complete the game you can’t play anymore, but he thought I was judging him for not paying attention to our child’s health needs (which, Fair.) – the look of utter devastation on his face when he won a minute later! There was a study that showed playing tetris immediately following something traumatic gives you a lower chance of developing PTSD (something about the game activating a part of the brain that, in turn, prevents the vividness of the experience from becoming long term memory) What I’m saying is, maybe these blasted chickens are helping me cope with the fact that this game has turned me into a terrible person?
I feel compelled clarify that I have a nursing background and my husband had to leave town the next day, so post-op care was on me. Despite that info, it’s important to know, the chickens have made us both worse people.
Catching up over here! :) Yes, I protested, and attended a sign making gathering. My mom, a grandmother, protested along with six of her friends in Boston, and both of my sisters protested in NYC as well. In 1980, my parents took me to my first protest in Central Park. I don’t remember much, but have a visual of James Taylor singing about nuclear disarmament from my perch on my very tall cousin’s shoulders. I think getting out there matters! It’s a signal (lol) to the world that we are not okay over here.
I attended two No Nukes rallies in the late 70’s in Washington and a no fracking protest with Yoko Ono in NY with her tv news crew in the 80’s. I still believe people have the power as long as we make civics a priority.
BLAST YOU FOR SHARING THE CHICKEN GAME!!!!
YES BLAST YOUUUUU CoJ
Wow 150-200$ night gowns.
People are actually winning this chicken game?!! WOw. I maybe got near 100 once. I saved it to my home screen and then did the responsible thing this morning and deleted it. The orange chickie reminds me of a Mango and that made me smile.
That damn chicken game! I can’t stop! I’ve gotten down to 210 chickens!
That quote from the Jessica Knoll article gave me chills. I don’t share her definition of money = success, but I DEEPLY resonate with her desire to be powerful and to own that power. Keep choosing yourself, ladies.
I’m addicted to the chicken game now! Though I swear that one chicken is a kawaii duck… A. Duck. With. A. Knife! What does he have planned exactly with that shank?!?
He’s my favorite it makes me giggle every single time
My amazing 76 year old mother in law was at a protest in Chaska, MN (one of the more conservative MN areas) and they lined the main highway going through. There’s a video on facebook my husband showed me (i’m no longer on) of the miles of protestors to the tune of ‘Hanging Tree’ (hunger games version) and I bawled. I on the other hand am in WI caring for my elderly parents and could not protest. I’m deep cleaning my parents house as my Mom is in the hospital and helping out my 80 year old Dad. We’ve spent 4 days talking and talking and it’s wild b/c it feels like we have the exact same values and same heart but his bookshelves are lined with conservative propaganda and i’m a bleeding heart liberal and i’m just so confused how we feel the same but are miles apart with our votes.
As a Wisconsinite, God Bless you Mel. Your parents are lucky to have you.
Oh that’s so interesting…. Thank you for sharing this.
I should’ve been more specific; that’s so interesting about you and your Dad’s values aligning, but politics diverging…. Do you see the same problems and choose different methods to solve them? Or something else….
The Jessica Knoll NYT article doesn’t sit right with me. I’m with her in terms of pushing against the expectation that women and girls diminish their ambition, potential, and pride. And I understand that money is a tool that can provide invaluable security and independence, but when we get into money as a way to access power I think it’s important to take a look at how that power functions and decide if replicating patriarchal modes is what we really want to do here. I really appreciate the writing in CoJ about how to raise boys, and Knoll isn’t matching that thoughtfulness. “We have to start raising girls the way we raise boys” is always a sentiment that gives me pause, especially when someone says, like Knoll does, that girls should be raised to be more ruthless and less caretaking. It needs to go both ways! To me, feminism means NOT devaluing feminine-coded traits. Children of all genders need to be raised to be assertive and to be their own best advocates, and to also place a high value on caring for others for the sake of the collective good. It will always be a balance to not hold oneself back unnecessarily for the sake of others, but this is a balance everyone should learn. Billionaires are an extreme example of personal advancement at the expense of the common good. It’s really interesting to jump from a stat about billionaires to talking about the wage gap. To state the obvious, billionaires don’t get that rich by working for a wage, but by exploiting the labor of those who do, which leads to the very wage gap she’s writing about. (With government involvement, this is not inevitable, but…) Is it disempowering to demand that billionaires of any gender pay fair and living wages? Being a writer who leverages bestsellers into further movie industry success and recognition doesn’t seem like the same category as billionaire-level wealth either. I wish she had placed herself more carefully in this article. “Men are untouchable and I want that too” doesn’t seem like the answer to me.
Thank you for this comment. You put into words what I was trying to. I also feel like this article came off particularly tone deaf to what is going on in the world and country right now. The income gap between men and women is real, and people of all genders deserve to be compensated fairly and equally for their work. But at this moment in time, the wealth gap between the rich and poor feels much more pressing than the wealth gap between rich/well-off men and rich well-off women. We need to be having more conversations about the ethics of being super wealthy at all in this world. It reminds me of conversations about rich actresses who got paid several millions less than their male co-starts (but still get paid many millions). On the one, hand I agree the disparity is inherently unjustified and wrong. On the other hand, is it ethical at all for one person to get paid many millions of dollars for a a couple months of work? Also on the other hand, talk to me about what the set hands and support staff helping with production made. If those same actresses aren’t also fighting for better pay for those people, I really don’t have a lot of patience for their complaints.
I agree. To me, a form of patriarchy is seeing the way that men typically differ from women and assuming that the men’s version is superior. “Men don’t apologize, so women shouldn’t apologize.” No! Men should apologize MORE. “Men exploit people and become billionaires so women should too”. No. It should be “Women take care of generations, so men should too”. The line about raising girls like we raise boys is what really struck me too. We need a culture built more on caring and sharing.
“You all have your mom’s smile, and it is beautiful” What??? SOBBBING
Could anyone share recent impressions of Coney Island? Going to NY next week with my kids and considering it but I’ve been reading very contrasted reviews online. Also their website doesn’t show prices… Joanna, if you see this, or anyone who has been recently—what did you think? Was it actually fun?? Thank you!
Aquarium is great and if the rides are open, that is fun. It’s been a cold spring, so you need a warmer day to not be unhappy.
I just visited NY and went to the aquarium – can confirm that it was awesome!! I have four year old twins who had a blast – even in the cold rain. The rest of the rides/fair area and beach seemed closed and/or too cold to enjoy so can’t comment.
Thank you, Andrea and Liz!
I’ve been playing the chicken game all day- don’t start people- it’s so addicting!!
Is this where I admit that I lost two games before I realized that you have to group 3 of the _same_ chickens in a row? I was just happily lining up un-matching chickens and thought that would…save them from the one with the knife? I mean.
Can we please have a post for March pictures?!? I would love to see everyone in all our communities!
Um, it’s about the chickens…I need help. I can’t stop and I think I might actually be getting worse at it as the hours fade away.
I got so addicted and kept trying different strategies. What ended up working was to never pin 2 matches in by another type of chicken. Always make a 3 if you the option; always leave at least one open space near your new chicken(s). Just a warning, if you solve it, a message comes up in the screen thanking you for helping the chickens and telling you that you can no longer play! The whole time I was just determined to win once and then quit, so I guess there’s no going back!
You can keep playing after you win the game by clearing your cookies/cache. My husband won the game in 2 tries. WTH. He cleared his cookies and is playing again. I should never have shown that game to him. Haha. I can’t stop playing it either and I’m not normally a game person.
EMB: WHAT Two Tries??!!! I kept thinking, clearing 357 chickens + 1 duck (see my earlier comment haha) would be so insanely hard. I’ve gotten to 107. Your husband’s superpower is chicken clearing. :P
We did not participate in any protests, but had a good conversation with our kids about how to get involved at the ground level by gaining leadership experience and stepping into positions of influence. This can look like running for your local school board or civil office, taking classes in civics and government to learn how our government works, studying ancient history to learn about the foundations of democracy (the US is not a democracy by the way, it’s a constitutional democratic republic), and to grow in discernment alongside passion. We have a saying in our house: everyone wants to change the world, no one wants to change the toilet paper. Protesting is our right as citizens, but it can also be a distraction from the paths leading us to learn, grow, and change what we can.
Good for you for talking to your kids about this!! I’m curious about your last line about how protesting can be a distraction. You mean if you’re not doing anything else? It took a ton of logistics for me as a mom to get to our protest but I did it because I want Congress and all the judges/justices everywhere to see our numbers. I want them to know lots of people want them DOING THEIR JOB! Curious if I’m missing what some people think about it being a distraction. I’m really learning how much I don’t know about how others may be thinking. I want to see different perspectives.
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/05/us/politics/trump-family-saudi-golf.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare While Hands Off was rallying across the country, sending a string message my phone rec’d this article.
WHY DID YOU SHARE THAT CHICKEN GAME!!! hahaha. I CAN’T STOP PLAYING IT.
Re Jess Knoll – good for her but I had to check this was written in 2025. The economy is about to go depression era and , as someone who has made living writing I can tell you AI is here for us. (In both senses , here to help and hwre to take our jobs so learn how to use it).I’m a capitalist girly too but we also have to be self aware enough – and conscious of the fucking news enough a to get real and question the system…
I appreciate you taking the hit and no longer linking to Target and Amazon. I’ve subscribed to Big Salad in gratitude.
Can someone please explain to me why they think protests will make an iota of difference? Wouldn’t our time be better spent filing lawsuits and getting out the vote?
If nothing else, it reminds us that we are not alone in this fight
I was wondering the same thing and came across this; https://kottke.org/25/03/0046537-a-thread-from-berkeley-po
That’s a good question. Can’t we do all of the above? It is important to show the world (outside of the U.S.) that not all Americans agree with the current government. The protests on Saturday were shown in foreign news (I am an immigrant and checked with several European news sites, and they were headlines). Also, not everyone is in the situation to file law suits, protesting is showing that we care and that there are voices very much against what’s going on. That said, I sorely missed the younger generation. I am over 50 and was amongst the younger ones.
Whom shall we sue? On what grounds? And what was on the ballot last weekend? Maybe the protests made some on-the-fence politicians reconsider their ambivalence. Maybe they will cause some wallflower Democrats to grow a pair. Maybe they will make some of minorities/federal workers/scientists/etc. who feel like they’ve been shouting into the void feel seen instead. Maybe they just make people feel a little more connection with their communities and remind them of their civic responsibility to not be a lemming. The protests were “fantastic,” “heartfelt,” “encouraging,” according to commenters here. Can’t think of the last time those adjectives described something political. November 4th, 2024? In a crisis without leadership, we have to do all the things–vote AND strategize AND protest.
Highly recommend you attend one of these amazing protests and experience it!!! The energy for me, fuels me to fight on. And I want to be one of those people making the crowd big, showing congress and the courts that people are expecting them to actually do their job.
@ARC, your observation that you were among the youngest hits the nail on the head. I have a newly minted voter son and he is so turned off by the Democratic party’s tactics. He’s not turned off by the Democratic party, which maybe makes it all even sadder. The signs are too cutesy (,la, JOY, Let Them Eat Teslas) and cringey. My kid showed me the roll call video from the DNC and was laughing while watching, because it’s just so much—shrieking, trying to look cool. Not appealing to the younger generations at all. Something needs to change from within the party in the next couple of years if we want a chance to win.
On the surface, it doesn’t seem like it does much but studies show that protests do actually influence policy change, especially when they are this large and widespread. Think of the Civil Rights Movement. The visual is extremely powerful and unifying and psychologically bonds those who fight to defend the constitution even if they didn’t attend the protest. The official number from April 5 is a whopping 5.2 million attendees!! Lawsuits are definitely one method but they are slow and being subverted by fascist tactics like endless appeals, threatening law firms, impeaching judges and simply ignoring rulings. I understand the next national march is already scheduled for Saturday, April 19.
@Becca, your comment intrigues me. I also noticed how many older people were at the protest I attended but I was thinking older people have fought for these rights and know the fragility of democracy. Also, they are terrified of leaving this country as it is right now to their kids and grandkids. I have to say, it feels really sad to think younger people don’t care to take part because the democratic party isn’t entertaining enough or non-cringey enough for them. Does everything really need to be TikTok-abley perfect to make us act? I’m not directing this at you, just pondering this thought. I didn’t vote for Gore when I was in my 20s because he was so “cool” and not-cringey. I feel sad if our country has so many young people who aren’t looking at policy and care more about a cool persona or whatever this is called. That actually feels kind of scary to me. I vividly remember seeing young voters on TV (who didn’t vote) upset when Trump won in 2016 and them telling the reporter “I didn’t vote for Hillary because I didn’t LOVE her”. But they were upset about Trump. Like, did you love what she STOOD for and just not her tone? Cuz what you end up with is what she stands for. I don’t think politicians ever tried hard to appear a certain way to me when I was young, I guess, but I still voted for who I agreed with.
Protests alone will not. It’s the daily organizing, calling, running for things etc that will. That said. Seeing the numbers took my breath away. I am in a little conservative town with a trans daughter. Over 700 people showed up. It gave me the strength to keep going and a number to give when I call my reps.
@Lala, I completely get what you are saying. And, if it’s any consolation, my kid voted for Harris. He’s smart enough to vote for policy. And, he’s not on TikTok. I have just noticed that the Democratic party has a serious image problem, mainly that its image appeals best to women ages 40+. Of course we shouldn’t vote on image, but something from within needs to change, because voting aside—no one who feels cringe is going to attend these protests, and that is the younger set. The protests should be a way to bring the party together, in the hopes of turning the tides in 2028, but they are merely dividing the party even more, this time by age, and probably by other demographics as well. These protests just don’t have the same tone as protests have had in prior generations. And, maybe I’m wrong, because I wasn’t born in the 60s. There’s just a major cheese factor going on, and that is not going to appeal to younger people. It just isn’t.
I rescued all 368 chickens! Feeling a strong sense of accomplishment. Also I love that my work is done and I can’t play the game anymore. Five stars.
Clear your cookies and you can play again!
I just got back from our rally down here in the south bay LA area, at Torrance City Hall. It was FANTASTIC! Large, (maybe 3 or 4 thousand?) Loud, proud, and peaceful. My sign focused on Vets health, history, homes and jobs, as with 9 member of the military in my combined family, it is close to my heart. All causes were well represented, and a good handful of much older Vetswere there, even on their walkers and wheelchairs, which made me cry. I had a picture of my Dad, (Major Pete) on my poster, he got some salutes. There was No violence, TONS of friendly and noisy car traffic, and only TWO jerk cars with teeny tiny signs for djt. They got no traction, and not a single person showed up to represent them. I haven’t felt so good in weeks. Months. Bernie and AOC are coming to LA soon, I’m sending them $ to keep that “train” running, and going to see them. Keeping this momentum going, in heart and home, DAILY.
Kim!! I was there!! It was such a heartfelt group and so encouraging!! Lots of love in the south bay this weekend ❤️
Stupid little chicken game is making me 🤪 crazy
Attended Hand Off demonstration in Orlando. So many wonderful people with the most creative signs attended!
Lindsey and Mouse … thanks for your comments! Beautiful!
I thought that NYT article was a fiction or a satire at first. Is what we need to have more emulating of money-grabbing, self-obsessed, narcissistic power mongering? Is that the goal? Surely not. I would hope a writer of talent could imagine something better. Reading it was like smelling feet.
GUYS if you click on a NYT gift link you can KEEP ON CLICKING. (Cover your eyes and don’t read this tech department @ NYTimes.) I used to have a subscription and loved the Hunt series. (Especially early days of the pandemic) I just caught up on two years of The Hunt and it was so glorious.
I know it’s really delicious but Nutella contains 58% sugar!!!!!
It’s dessert.
And on occasion, I am savouring it straight from a spoon 🤤
And? It’s not like they are eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Let people live.
Oh, Jo….wish you would occasionally let us behind the paywall of Big Salad. I’d love to check it out before I buy!
Hi! We do have free versions available and have linked them in past weekend link lists, but here are a couple so you don’t have to dig around for them: Natasha Pickowicz Wants You to Throw Yourself a Party: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/natasha-pickowicz-favorite-things Becky Malinsky Loves These Sneakers So Much She Wore Them to Her Wedding: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/becky-malinsky-favorite-things The Comedy Issue Made Me Laugh 17 Times: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/comedy-issue Catherine Newman Shares 12 Cool Things for a Messy, Funny, Joyous Life: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/catherine-newman-favorite-things The Gift Guide (2024): https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/gift-guide-2024 The Best *Everything* of 2024: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/best-of-2024 The Best Thing a Guy Said on a Date: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/one-year-anniversary 25 Simple Pleasures for 2025: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/simple-pleasures Also, here is a gift link to the divorce issue we just released: https://joannagoddard.substack.com/p/db502ead-bc61-485c-a109-e829b9d5cd0f?postPreview=paid&updated=2025-03-07T19%3A25%3A29.000Z&audience=only_paid&free_preview=false&freemail= We hope you love them as much as we do!
One month is only $6 and gives you the whole archive. That should give enough to decide if you want to subscribe. In separate news, I brought my Big Salad tote to the Protest in hopes of running into a fellow CoJ reader! No luck but I’m going to keep trying.
Solidarity protestors! We march regularly with our pro-Palestine peace protest in Australia with our 7yo xx and also boycott always xx
Today I went to the city to try wedding dresses on a whim, found a couple of great options, walked along the river in the sun w/ a bagel, and am now heading to the library to pick up my copy of Long Island :-)
what a dream, Jane!
Thanks, Jo ! After reading all these beautiful comments on protests I feel like I might sound a bit tone-deaf. I was cheering you on from France!
A huge thank you to all the courageous women and men who are protesting. I am so proud of you. Don’t be silence. Be safe! Another Canadian rooting for you!
I’m an expat living in Canada- my Canadian husband and I will be marching in the Buffalo rally today.
Thank you for gifting us the article by Jessica Knoll. Important and empowering.
Pedro Pascal is such a delight! And his new AirPods commercial is the happiest thing. And I love the way he supports his sister.
Joanna our love – when oh when are you going to take the plunge and finally get a dog?! We have been watching you admire dogs for a long time – literally years! Take the plunge! It’ll change your life in the best way!
The comment about looking like your mom each year…….Recently I visited a friend whom I actually met through her mom…we worked together, and she became like a mom to me. “Our” mom has been gone ten years, and I mentioned to Laurie that she was looking more and more like her mom with her new shorter haircut. She said, “Thank you for that. There aren’t as many people around who knew my mom as there used to be, and it’s always nice to hear she’s remembered.” Yes, I got teary.
A few weeks ago I commented that I was having my first embryo transfer. So many people commented well wishes and advice, and I felt so supported by this kind community (esp because I wasn’t talking to anyone in my life about it). Today I’m 5 weeks pregnant! So early but just wanted to convey my gratitude to this community of people who lifts people up when they need it most. May I do that for some of you next.
Oh My Goodness!!! SO happy for you!
YAY! Sending prayers of health, peace, and happiness to you and your growing baby 💗
this is so wonderful!!!!!!! xoxoxoxo
Pregnant on the first transfer! What happiness – congratulations! Thanks for sharing the good news.
Continuing on the magpie theme, may I suggest the 2020 Australian movie with Naomi Watts called Penguin Bloom. It’s based on a true story.
Are you guys taking your young children to these protests? I want to show my support but am nervous to bring my toddler.
I took my toddler to a women’s march in 2017 and she had a blast. There were marching bands and people singing. She got to dance! People of all backgrounds doted on her. Very different times, but she has such an advocate’s heart, which I’d like to think was, at least in a very small part, cultivated by that early experience.
I took two of my children, ages 3 and 5 (the baby stayed home to nap). They had signs to carry and were given popsicles by some of the other protestors. Now they can’t wait to go with me again. That being said, I did do research in advance. I chose to attend the protest in our small town vs driving over to Portland for bigger protests to keep it calm for them. We brought snacks & drinks & a few toys. I also drove by before parking to get a feel for the atmosphere (we were 20 minutes late) and to make sure there weren’t counter-protestors or people behaving aggressively. I’d say bing your children and start to teach them now that this is what democracy looks like 😊
Yes! Absolutely bringing the kids. We didn’t make it to the protests on Saturday because they overlapped with nap. But I’ve been pushing the double stroller to several this winter and have seen other strollers at every protest we’ve attended. We usually hang toward the back of the crowd. Hang out and snack for a half hour or an hour and then depart for a playground or storytime. Wave the flag that someone asked if they could give the kiddo once. Honestly, I might start bringing bubbles. It’s been best when we’ve been able to meet up with friends. Only once so far, but I have high hopes it’ll happen again.
That pic with the dog and the man is like our dog looking at us when we eat EVERY SINGLE MEAL! Its like he’s never been fed before. And man, would he win at a staring contest – LOL!
My family will be at the protest in Leesburg, VA!
I am in the minority but I was not disturbed by Jessica Knoll’s piece. I read it as a woman desperately needing to feel security after a traumatic event. I can totally relate.
The reader comments about looking like one’s own mother resonate! My mom has been gone for 11 years. I walked into a family gathering recently that included family I hadn’t seen since she died, and several people were shocked by how much I look like her now. It was sweet and sad and made everyone miss her.
Teacher buddies and I are driving 2 hours to our state capitol, Augusta, to rally! Mainers are pissed off, and showing up to say so!
I saw that chicken game on kottke this week and played it more than I should have and I finally achieved a kind of one-ness with the game, a kind of mastery and I beat it! A thrilling moment that everyone in my family gathered to see the few final chickens. Exhilarating!
Omg that article by Jess Knoll was disgraceful. As a social worker, I fully disagree with everything she wrote. We shouldn’t be hoarding money like our lives depend on it! No needs to be a billionaire, especially with the poverty rate in our country!!!! Please DO NOT promote this woman, CoJ.
I’ll also add: work has been *quite* the rollercoaster lately, with big transitions/stress/unknowns. The grumps and the sniffles started lasting multi day, so I took a sick day that was 60/40 sick/mental health recharge day. Doing nothing, or simple things slowly? Absolutely delightful. Eating lunch in the sun? Marvellous. Letting time stretch out ahead of me? Wonderful for the soul. I had been tempted to tourist-in-my-hometown (hello pastry tour), but in the end, doing nothing was so much better. Would love some other ideas (maybe a post?) about quiet days, little delights, recharging and the joy of being able to take time for yourself. I put some interesting keywords into your search engine to see what came up!
Our family took a staycation two weeks ago. Morning outings on short hikes or local museums, home for afternoon nap. Ordered delivery. Caught up on chores after kids bedtime (hello, taxes). And got to sleep in our own bed. It was the perfect mix of rest and exploration.
So my initial perception of ‘coloured staircase’ was different to what that Bath house had! But a lovely delight. I’ll also raise – the external stairs of the Albertina (art gallery) in Vienna. I came across them one magical evening, when they were painted ala a Monet painting for a Monet exhibition. A very delightful experience!
Any way the 13 beauty products could be listed without the descriptions given In the substack?
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but a family member I trust worked on a film with Pedro Pascal and said he was an absolute diva and not that nice. Yikes!
I so appreciate you using a Bookshop link for your magpie book instead of Amazon. I love that Bookshop supports local independent bookstores, so thank you!
YES!! I’m so affronted these days when an influencer whose values I know align with mine promotes anything Amazon. I understand the need to monetize your online presence, but it feels like a betrayal given where we find ourselves *gestures broadly at the world*
oh yes we aren’t linking to amazon or target anymore. it’s a financial hit for our small business, but 1000000% worth it.
I’m so proud of COJ for dropping those Amazon/Target links. I totally get what MAC is saying but I honestly try to have some grace for small creators. As Jo said, it’s a big financial hit for a lot of small businesses and sadly not everyone can afford to drop it and it keep making a living.
Yes 👏 Jo 👏 an 👏 na 👏 I respect that so much.
Thank you!!!!!
Agreed! Thank you, Joanna and team. This is one of the reasons why I am proud to be a loyal reader (and Big Salad subscriber).
10/10 agree!
I want to say Joanna that the sacrifice y’all have made to stick to values is not unnoticed and honestly with things going on right now I don’t totally blame people who are not able to fully align with their values and have to prioritize earning a living for them and their families but again, thank you for doing so when you are able
Yes, thank you so so much!!!!
Came here to say the same thing!
Thank you, Cup of Jo! <3
I’ll be at the St. Paul, MN capitol with my 69 year old mom (her first time at a protest). Feeling simultaneously so proud of her and (as a scientist and mother and woman and human) so angry and terrified for our country. I keep thinking of Catherine Newman’s sign in her (brilliant) substack – “I know love is the answer but I’m so fucking furious.” Would love any other sign ideas. xo
My teacher friend and I are going with “Hands Off Our Public schools” with a pithy FDR quote about education, and (flip side) “Hands off Our Libraries: Literacy, Access, and Community”.
My mom is also going to her first protest! When she emailed us all with details of our local protests I was so proud of my lifelong republican-but-never-Trump mother. If the 70-something republican grandmas are out protesting, we can do this.
Fellow scientist here!! Also protesting tomorrow. My federal funding sources are being gutting. Seeing another scientist posting out here helps a lot—helps me feel there are others who care. Thank you.
Keep your filthy paws off my xyz laws?
Hope you love The Axeman’s Carnival! If you do, you should try “Pet” also by Catherine Chidgey. She captures a 1980s New Zealand childhood and primary school perfectly.
adding to my list! she’s such a magical writer.
Echoing Jen — I loved Pet!
Second this. I loved The Axeman’s Carnival [though it is a hard read in parts – TW for domestic violence] after refusing to read it for years because I, foolishly, could only imagine a book from the point of view of a magpie would be ridiculous. The Wish Child is another excellent Catherine Chidgey book, she is one of those authors who can write books on wildly different themes that are all amazing. I am looking forward to The Book of Guilt https://teherengawakapress.co.nz/the-book-of-guilt/
If you’re interested in reading about adopting a magpie IRL, consider George: A Magpie Memoir by Frieda Hughes. Engaging, vivid book about the clever and affectionate magpie George, as well as reflections on the end of a marriage.
wow that sounds so compelling!!
In addition to being a terrific writer and instagram follow (she rescues owls!), Frieda Hughes is also Sylvia Plath’s daughter.
Jessica Knoll’s article was gross. Is this really what we want for women? (Or men, for that matter.) To be able to self-promote and brag and aim for the accumulation of an absurd amount of wealth? No thanks. I want my daughters (and my sons) to live a life of sacrifice, in service of others. And I’m not sorry one bit.
Agreed!
I was going to say the same, but I felt that if one hadn’t read/heard any other interviews with her it might come across as mean spirited. Also I felt that Jo was including it because it seemed “empowering”. However if you read anything else by her/with her, she is even more offensive, she wrote an article in NYMAG about how she sells more books than God, and she’s so worth it! She loves seeing the expression on the bank tellers faces when she deposits checks. It got a lot of pushback. By the way, the book that made her so rich, is extremely badly written — not just my opinion.
Oh interesting! More of a good for her over here. We know money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy help, and it provides a buffer of safety in oligarchic times.
I agree Kate. The world would be a better place if all people were all taught to be empathetic caretakers rather than replicating the sort of toxic greed that has made our society so inhospitable. Being a considerate, thoughtful human is what we all should strive for, not shame!
I think about this SO much! In a society that prioritizes entertainment so much, I am often thinking about my own contributions to society. Do I really want my mark to be that I had money, had cute clothes, and traveled? These things aren’t bad but I sometimes worry it’s the only pursuit.
Maybe Ms Knoll is really looking for agency, and has figured out that money buys a whole lot of agency. Do you know her backstory?
Yeah! I was all geared up to feel empowered, and then it was mostly about how she wants Elon-levels of money. *sad trombone* This feels extra sad with the tariffs crashing so many people’s finances.
You said this so well, kate
Agreed. It felt sad to me- that being rich gives her the feeling of power she needs to not feel vulnerable in the way her abusers made her feel? Just so heartbreaking, but then it reads like it’s meant to encourage female empowerment
Well, we can read about what one woman wants for herself and also no one said we should want it for women (or men). Besides that, it’s great we all want different things. Why so aggressive, just because you are a different person?
As a fellow author, I loved Jess Knolls article! I had one of my books go to auction and got a surprisingly huge advance for a 2 book deal that indeed made my husband and mother and bff gasp. After being a smaller author / housewife/sahm , I felt like my work was valued so much more. It was freeing! I stopped cooking as much and ordered food, traveled more. However more money can sometimes have more problems I found out and guess what? Money goes! My book didn’t sell as much as the publisher thought it would and I’m back to being a smaller author again in a struggling market. I’m grateful for good readers but that high of making those 6 figures (my husband calculated how much I got paid per word lol) and finally got to relax a bit financially, was awesome! I got to fund my kids private school and make financial decisions. I felt like I had power. So! I get Jess. I love that she says what she wants. Is it wrong to want and just say it? We can and should dream big! And if she wants money, that’s good!
Also I’m the anon who just commented about getting that huge book deal! I do want to live my life in service of others. I do want my children to be kind! I want to be kind. People too think of me as kind and generous AND I would love for my other books to go to auction and to make that kind of money again . I want both!
I think you missed the point of the article. And even if you didn’t, “good for her, not for me”. Is it gross when men want money and power? The sad truth is that they’re not going to stop wanting money and power any time soon, so in the meantime, I’m glad there are women gunning for their share as well.
A life of sacrifice? That’s not what I want for my kids. There are lots of ways to help others (including monetary), and I’ve never believed it involved sacrifice.
I respectfully disagree Kate. Firstly, everyone should be free to live the life they want. And secondly, a life of sacrifice in service solely of others is not necessarily a better one. Claiming martyrdom does not make you better, it most often makes women burnt out and sick, emotionally and physically. I celebrate any person’s right to success in any way they define it, as long as they respect others and the common good.
Agreed. It rubbed me the wrong way too. The equation of wealth with a successful life and being valued as a person is really sad to me, whichever gender espouses it. It’s not a value I share.
I loved that article. If that is what she wants why shouldn’t she? Women proclaiming what they want and talking about their success with confidence is spectacular. She didn’t talk about putting others down. It was all about what she wanted and if that is uncomfortable for you, it isn’t about you. “Researchers have found that women are actually punished when they succeed at traditionally masculine endeavors.” This is something that we all should be fighting against. It’s ok to admit as a woman that you are really good at something. Society still doesn’t like that. Unless the thing you are good at is motherhood. And even then, as woman, you can be taken apart.
Yuck. In a time when American rights and values are being bought and sold by billionaires, this is NOT it. I am turning toward people who advocate for social safety nets, mutual aid, service, and care. It is unethical to hoard wealth and there are no ethical billionaires, full stop.
If service is of value, then it’s just as laudable to have a goal of serving one’s self. If we’re all equal, then there’s nothing intrinsically better about serving others, instead of serving and supporting your own goals. More women need to be serving themselves instead of serving others. Others won’t value us until we value ourselves.
It read like a reinterpretation of the whole 2013 girlboss/tone deaf lean in narrative to me. And consistent with the author’s acknowledged process of writing based on market research, very much came across “content” designed for clicks and views more than a perspective that actually adds something worth thinking about. What an eyeroll be rich, to care predominantly about the accumulation of more personal wealth, and to expect the reading public to consider you virtuous for it. I mean, when you talk about closing the wealth gap in terms of how many women billionaires there are compared to men billionaires…
I wouldn’t call it gross, but it does make me a bit sad. High-achievers fighting patriarchy with aggressive capitalism just doesn’t look like the way forward I would wish for all of us.
Respectfully, I disagree. My husband and I are teachers who lived a life of service only to be mistreated and underpaid by our state throughout our careers. I love my students and feel good about what I’ve given society, but that comes at an expense, and sacrifice sometimes sucks. I tell my own children not to go into teaching unless things radically change in the US. If they earn good money and donate to good causes and protest injustice, I’m happy for them. You don’t have to be a low earner to be a good person. Just my personal take from someone whose state is about to cut her dental insurance.
Does anyone see the irony of this comment?? “Shrug”. I’m raising a daughter and son who can be wonderful contributors of society but also hustle and brag and acquire whatever they want – be it wealth, awards, or cats.
I was homeless as a child. I never realized how much my brain thinks about money until I had a certain figure in my bank account. For the first time in my life, I felt safe enough to focus on other things. I really like that feeling, and I’d like more of that. People who do not always have to think about money have a really beautiful, enviable privilege.
Respectfully, I disagree. Why shouldn’t women live lives of wild avidity? Yes, of course better for everyone to dedicate themselves to service, but why should women make that sacrifice when so many others aren’t?
It’s gross to have ambition and be unapologetic about it? You can serve others and still strive for independent wealth and selfish accomplishments. That’s the point of the article – that women are told we can’t be good people and unabashedly strive for greatness. Personally yes this is 100% what I want for women.
Very inspiring, Kate. We don’t hear that enough, these days. Thank you.
I think it’s important to consider the context: a woman who was assaulted at a very young age and who lives in a world where girls and women in precarious financial circumstances are at the highest risk for being assaulted or exploited. I was taught by my mother from a very young age that it is important to be financially independent from any partner and I plan to teach my daughter the same thing.
Agreed! And also, trying to link her extreme greed and arrogance to her sexual assault was kind of a reach. Also, I do not understand the reader who wanted a trigger warning for this story. She shares no graphic details of her assault — in fact almost no details at all — and just basically says the words “sexual assault”. Which are the exact words in the trigger warning. So how is the story more triggering than the trigger warning itself. And I am a person who has been sexually assaulted, but like …people will find anything to nitpick Joanna about, good lord. That story only needs a trigger warning for insufferable content lol
what I want, for women and for everyone else, is to be able to experience the whole spectrum of other people’s perspectives without judgement or disgust! even when it is not my jam or aligned with my own values. I don’t think one person describing their feelings means we have to want everyone to feel that way.
Totally agree. The subtext of the article was, to me, “I want to be as unapologetically committed to a failing capitalist system as any man is, and judge me all you want because this system, in spite of the fact that all it does is harm others, will uplift me personally if I celebrate it.” It’s like if that’s your version of feminism, please get more therapy and find out why you want to fill whatever hole you have inside your heart with environment-destroying STUFF. For the record, I give the same advice to any person of any gender whose focus is on the material alone.
I really disliked it as well.
Agreed. And, dare I say, not even particularly well-written…
I do not want my children to live a life of sacrifice. I saw my mum live that life and no one thanks you for it. I want to live a life I am proud of, and for my children to do the same, whatever that means for them.
Oof, I get this sentiment in theory, but I’m really glad my mom pushed me to do more than live a “life of sacrifice.” I’m proud that I can own a home, serve as the breadwinner, and set an example for my daughter. I find it gratifying and fulfilling, and my mom paved the way for that for me.
Respectfully – I don’t think it matters what we want for women. Jessica chose (then clawed out, sounds like) her life, and that choice is everything I want for women.
Completely agree with this comment. I am sorry for the unique pain J Knoll has experienced, yet even more saddened by what she sees the solution to be. The pursuit of the accumulation of money as representing the highest achievement of human capability seems so unhealthy and outdated in our modern world. The beliefs that money is the ultimate solution for everything, or that we must maximize our own personal consumption of every experience possible during our “one wild and precious life” because FOMO are just so misplaced. It’s like saying that we are each entitled to gluttonously gobble up as much as possible from the feast offered by this planet. It sounds super gross.
Wow, this was really polarising. I’m amazed that it’s perceived as such a black and white issue. Either you’re entirely free to amass as much wealth as you can for yourself, or you have to live in sacrifice. Can’t most of us agree that everyone deserves financial security and feeling safe. But that the earth has finite limits and we should moderate ourselves so we don’t consume beyond the safe limits of the earth’s life support systems?
Wow that’s some internalized misogyny you have going on there. It’s also attitudes like this that kept Kamala from winning – too much ambition in the lady it sounds like.
Mado (earlier commenter) said: “Is it gross when men want money and power?” Yes! It is! Just because men cause harm to our society doesn’t mean that women should cause harm to our society, because feminism or something. Feminism is looking at the way women move through the world (caretaking, sharing) and saying – yes, that’s the better way.
I’ll be at the Hands Off rally with Democrats Abroad here in Portugal – if any of you are in Lisbon, friends, I hope I see you there! https://www.democratsabroad.org/krup/hands_off_mass_mobilization
Hey Lauren O, I won’t be at the rally tomorrow (wish I could but I’m picking up family from the airport!) but I’m in Lisbon and would love to meet another COJ reader here :). I know one other and she’s lovely! If you wanna get together, DM me! I’m @naznotanin on IG
Montpellier for my school friend snd me!
Asking my brilliant COJ community….Any good sign suggestions for tomorrow? Let’s do this thing!!!
I made a sign I’m so psyched to carry. It’s like a circular pie chart with a spinner in the middle. The middle arrow says “hands off” and the pieces of “pie” say things like: refugees, women, free speech, Ukraine, healthcare, our bodies, national parks, health research, democracy, public education… etc. (sigh). I made it double-sided so I could include all the things.
Rachel’s sign sounds spectacular and if I were more ambitious I’d try one like hers but mine will be simpler, probably “Hands Off Our Bodies, Our Minds and Our Hearts.”
YES RACHEL
@rachel ball, What a great idea!!! I wrote a limerick for my poster. There once was a man so absurd, He’d tariff an innocent bird. But it’s really not funny To see much of Musk’s money Help elect this petulant turd.
I saw a great one with a big photo of Trump that said “Does this ass make my country look small?” I don’t think I’ll have time for sign making so I’ll recycle my sign from the protest on President’s Day. But I’m GOING!!!!!!!! It’s a great vibe, I encourage everyone to get out there!!!
Can you put a trigger warning for sexual assault on the NYT article please?
yes!
Thank you! <3
Well this chicken game has just ruined my life.
Yeah me too
Seriously! Why won’t they line up???
Same! I had *one* play where I got down to like 60 something and I was like holy shit, it’s beatable! But of course it wasn’t, and now I rarely get below 300.
Ditto! It just killed my Saturday.
Once you manage to solve the game and rescue all the chickens, the game locks you out and you can no longer play it THANK GOD
That’s the game I didn’t know I needed! But once you’ve succeeded you can’t play anymore 😭
SAMEEEEEEE. hahaha.
I feel like there’s a graduate student on the other end of messing with me for some sort of study! I got 140. Proudest moment of my weekend.
My husband and I have to unavoidably be driving during all the protests tomorrow, so we’re taking our protest on the road! I got some posterboard, and I’m going to write some signs to tape to the side of our car.
Love this!
If you are looking to buy the book mentioned above (or any others!), could I please suggest that you order from Malibu Village Bookstore?? (https://bookshop.org/shop/MVBaBookstore) Malibu, California just got a single indie bookstore back after 15 years of being a book desert, and they were forced to close during the holiday shopping season due to the Franklin Fire. Then the Palisades Fire hit in January. With Pacific Coast Highway still closed, slim hopes of any tourists coming through this summer, and no idea when PCH can reopen, they could use any support they can get. I know this is a community that loves books and supporting small businesses, so it would mean the world if you could buy a book and help our local bookstore survive!! <3 thank you all!
Thanks for sharing this! I just ordered the new Anne Tyler book. Love from Detroit xo
I sleep in my underwear or, if I’m feeling fancy or am likely to have to use the restroom around someone I shouldn’t flash, cheap little black chemises that are essentially failed tank tops, but I would wear all four of those nightgown-collection pieces forever if I could haunt a castle in them. I would swim in the moat all the time so I’d be sinister and damp, too! I’d go Method!
Lauren O for the win, again
Hahaha, definitely nightgowns made for haunting!
Goals!!!
Ha! Inspired visions! Do you ever watch Denise, the Heaven Receptionist? She is always asking people who show up at her desk “what do you want your ghost outfit to be”?
I love the turn this comment took.
This made me chuckle. I’m reading Harling Ross’s Substack post about the capsule nightgowns. Also hunting a sewing pattern and fabric so that I can recreate it! Can’t afford the price tag!!
This made me lol, it was so random and funny. “Failed tank tops” “I’d go Method” lolol
I will be joining in peaceful protest tomorrow! I found this information extremely helpful. Passing along for anyone else participating: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DH-PzChxPjI/?igsh=MWlxMnZxOGx1ZmhkbQ==
This is really helpful, and thorough! Thank you, AMK2!
My protest sign plan is currently to grab a “For Sale” sign at a hardware store and write “democracy” underneath but, everyone, PLEASE share your more clever ideas! I’ll be in Austin, anyone else??
I like your sign, Court! Will be at the event in Arlington, then will hop on the train to attend the one in Dallas.
Court I’m in Austin and will be coming late from a kids soccer match! I’ll look for your “for sale” sign.
Very clever!
I am not american but I’m dying to be protesting with you tomorrow . I find myself day dreaming about being with you in New York tomorrow. Please report back …
I am not attending any Hands Off rallies, but I am with everyone in spirit. I live in an area where violence against the protestors is VERY likely to happen, so I will bow out.
We ALL live in areas where violence against the protestors is very likely to happen.
We’re expecting violent counter-protestors in our area too…it’s not stopping me from going. This fight will take all of us, even if we’re scared.
Love it – go get ’em Philippa and Elizabeth and everyone else marching tomorrow! Rooting for you from Canada, and proud to see so many of you standing up against this administration, even though/especially when it’s scary!
Everyone is allowed to choose personal safety above a protest opportunity! There are so many ways to repair the world and frying your nervous system during a potentially dangerous event isn’t always the bravest choice :)
I’m so sad not to be there but I’m too nervous to put my toddler in harm’s way. Fully there in spirit!
I think these replies to Colleen were a bit unfair, and took what was a well-meaning comment into an unkind space. Colleen, I am also sitting out today, as my local protest is the big one in DC, and I occasionally have panic attacks in large crowds. I thought long and hard about going, and ultimately decided it would be better to sit it out, as I don’t want to create a burden for others. I’ve been wrestling with guilt around this decision, and these comments certainly didn’t help. Instead of protesting, I am writing postcards this morning with a friend for Erick Allen in GA. In the afternoon, I’ll be attending a local event in support of our public school library aides, who are in danger of losing their funding. I also call my senators and house member daily, contribute financially wherever I can, attend my children’s PTA, go to school board meetings, and am planning a neighborhood fundraiser for our Governor’s race (go, Abigail Spanberger!). I do phone banks and door to door canvassing. I’m not listing these things for brownie points, but to show that there are MANY ways to participate in our democracy beyond showing up to a one-day protest, and there are MANY reasons to feel uncomfortable protesting — mobility issues, sensory issues, and anxiety issues (hello!) to name just a few. None of us know Colleen’s situation, and it is counter-productive to criticize someone for being “scared” to face violence if they feel it is truly not the right choice for them. Have we forgotten “Good for her, not for me?” Remember that the right thrives on our divisiveness, and please try a bit harder to create space for difference in our community. And for those protesting today: go for it! I’m sure it’s going to be a great day, and I hope the media coverage reflects the magnitude of your efforts.
If you are a white woman and a citizen, I strongly encourage you to use your privilege in this time and be there anyway for future protests. If you watch who is genuinely at risk, it is always going to be those with fewer legal rights than you. You can easily search how to stay safe in protests from things like tear gas (uncomfortable but certainly not deadly) or smoke bombs (same). As of now, you are not at real risk in the way non-citizens or POC are, and it is up to us to rise up and take risks in this time. If you are a WOC, however, I 1000% respect your choice to bow out and I will stay on the front lines for you.
I was at a protest for Trans healthcare last week and I felt so exposed there, by a busy road. I thought “in a country full of guns, this feels like a setting someone would use one on us”. Then I looked over at the upturned face of a beautiful trans woman, holding a giant pole with the American flag & the trans pride flag- and I suddenly realized- what I am feeling is a only fringe amount of passing fear. This woman walks through all her days carrying fear… in gas stations, in restaurants, and god forbid she gets a flat tire! She can’t opt out. And there are too few of her to turn the tide alone- they need everyone to be a little afraid for a little bit so they can have a life that allows them safety. Same is true for so many oppressed folks in our country. Colleen, I hope you can seek out other ways to fight back/speak out (so many ways are just as important) and if you ever do join a protest, know you’ll be shoulder to shoulder with many other loving souls who are also scared
Omg the second episode of the Studio was so stressful to watch!! Do I keep going?