My preteen son has definitely developed an obsession with boba tea, and he’s been asking me about current events/politics too- so hard to fully explain what’s going on right now, when I can’t even grasp it myself.
Kim
showing me their “new” jeans from the thrift store, door dashing junk food, starting long, silly discourses in the family group chat
Kim
I have a nearly-9-year-old who is already showing some of these! She’s a bit of an old soul and needs to know everything, and I love it. I’m curious to know what age COJ readers gave their kids a phone? And what restrictions did you place on it? We are in Australia and ideally would hold off until high school but it’s just such a common thing at a young age now.
Becs
Kim, I think some others have mentioned it below, but here’s another shout-out for a book called The Anxious Generation, about how to navigate phone use for our preteens and teens. It basically advocates for independence in the real world, and putting healthy boundaries in place in the digital world. Around the time it was published, and in part because of its influence, schools are pulling back on allowing phones, parents are rethinking giving phones at a young age, and it has been pretty great in my kids’ lives to have fewer friends glued to their phones and more friends hanging out face to face!
Lacey Parr
Appreciate that I’m not the only one who rants politically within hearing distance of my kids. Trying to find the balance of raising informed and caring teens while also shielding them from things they can’t change and thus cause too much stress.
Amber J
I LOVE, absolutely LOVE, that this teen doesn’t have his own phone!!
Wink
Same same. (Bravo for holding out on the iPhone!) We have all that over here too, only with The Mandalorian theme song on repeat!
Peach
Overhearing my rants is so hilariously specific and 100% accurate! hahahahaha
Emma
Need some good sign ideas for Hands Off protest tomorrow!
Court
Same!!! I’m like, “hands off EVERYTHING! GET THE EFF OUT OF HERE ALL OF YOU CROOKS!” but that’s not very interesting…
Karen
I made 9 (24×18) signs for the rally I’m attending, as I plan to hand them out. They read: No One Voted For Musk, and now he has your personal data A Nation Under Trump is a Nation in Distress Defend Democracy (with Anti-Trump signs) Pro-America/Anti-Trump Do Not Let Trump Get Away with Organized Crime Do Not Wait To Care: You Could be Next The Only Minority Ruining Our Country is The Rich Stop the Maga Coup / Eliminate DOGE
Jules
I am a little shocked your teen doesn’t have a phone! How do you track where they are when they walk somewhere alone? School? Park? Etc?
PNW GRATEFUL
Like everyone who had kids in the many years before cell phones I would imagine :)
Court
My friends and I have an ongoing discussion about the risks associated with kids gaining independence. There are the physical risks of navigating the world WITHOUT connectivity, versus the psychological risks for navigating the world OF connectivity…
Lacey Parr
My kids share a dumbphone for walks around the neighborhood a la 2007.
Grace
Read The Anxious Generation and Free-Range Parenting! Lots of food for thought about raising kids in a digital world.
Mia
Why would you need to track a teenager walking to school?
Tracey
You could always get a smart watch synched to your own device.
Lindsey
They also might have a phone that doesn’t given them access to the internet.
andreea
Apple watch only, no phone?
Marguerite
If tracking is the concern, one could also put an Apple AirTag in their backpack or something. I’ve thought about that but haven’t done it. My kid doesn’t have a phone and walks a mile to school in the city. There’s been a couple of occasions where she came home a little later than expected and the reason was always the same (stopping at a friend’s house to pet a dog) But overall it’s been fine.
Wednesday
My kid has a phone that only lets him call and text. He asks me for my phone when he wants to “check something “.
Wednesday
Oh and it has a built in tracking system too. But you can also just put an apple tag on his keychain.
Lala
The book The Anxious Generation addresses this beautifully. Although we’re tricked into thinking it’s normal to know where our kids are every minute, it’s not actually developmentally normal either for kids or parents. It’s tough to follow but worth it. Kids learn how to problem solve and figure out life just like we did. :)
Jules
PNW Grateful may not be a city parent. If my kid was riding bikes in the neighborhood such as I did. I hear you. but on subways, ubers, walking amongst 8 Million people in this city. and no pay phones as “in the past”…. I think you know your comment made no sense.
Gwen
No need to track. Give watch, tell them time to be home at, voila. If they are not home on time = trouble. Works with our 10 and 8 year old, playing throughout our neighborhood at other kids’ houses, going to park, and even *gasp* going to the gas station to buy WAY too much gum.
Nadia
Jules, as a parent in a city, I think it’s insensitive and quite a narrow view to say that PNW Grateful’s comment makes no sense. We get along fine with our pre-teen/teen *not* having a phone or tracking device in the city. We make those choices and they are right for us, maybe not for you and that’s OK.
Joy
Cheers to asking to borrow a phone! I’m not exaggerating when I say that the majority of 5th graders (think 10 and 11 years old) at the elementary school that I work at have phones with internet access.
Amy
My 13yo routinely asks her dad to bike to the bubble tea shop with her and then he buys a giant lemon yakult with popping pearls (her favourite) for them to share. He has a sweet tooth and loves any excuse to bike somewhere, so he’s easy to convince despite his very frugal tendencies. A couple of years ago they really struggled to get along, so my heart swells every time I see them heading off down the street together.
Sar
This is so lovely! Decades later, I still remember how special it felt when my Dad would pick me up from school for a cappuccino + thrift store crawl. I’m sure this will end up a source of nostalgia for her as well.
Kelly
Hah! Other than the Murder in the Buildings…I would say this all goes for 8 year olds +
Melz
how about’ ‘Chipolte for dinner mom?’
celeste
I adore that my teen junior in high school is in Foundations of American Democracy class. And took Economics last year which means she knows more about tariffs than the sitting president.
Colleen S.
I took Intro to Economics in high school, but I could not tell you the slightest about it. Foundations in American Democracy would have been much more interesting for me (if it involves math, it is not a class for me).
Reba
I was *just* giving a coworker a quick-and-dirty explanation of nineteenth century tariffs based on my high school AP US History class (spoiler alert: didn’t really work then, either). Shout out to Mr. W. and all the awesome high school teachers–your pool of influence really never stops!
Comments
37 commentsMy preteen son has definitely developed an obsession with boba tea, and he’s been asking me about current events/politics too- so hard to fully explain what’s going on right now, when I can’t even grasp it myself.
showing me their “new” jeans from the thrift store, door dashing junk food, starting long, silly discourses in the family group chat
I have a nearly-9-year-old who is already showing some of these! She’s a bit of an old soul and needs to know everything, and I love it. I’m curious to know what age COJ readers gave their kids a phone? And what restrictions did you place on it? We are in Australia and ideally would hold off until high school but it’s just such a common thing at a young age now.
Kim, I think some others have mentioned it below, but here’s another shout-out for a book called The Anxious Generation, about how to navigate phone use for our preteens and teens. It basically advocates for independence in the real world, and putting healthy boundaries in place in the digital world. Around the time it was published, and in part because of its influence, schools are pulling back on allowing phones, parents are rethinking giving phones at a young age, and it has been pretty great in my kids’ lives to have fewer friends glued to their phones and more friends hanging out face to face!
Appreciate that I’m not the only one who rants politically within hearing distance of my kids. Trying to find the balance of raising informed and caring teens while also shielding them from things they can’t change and thus cause too much stress.
I LOVE, absolutely LOVE, that this teen doesn’t have his own phone!!
Same same. (Bravo for holding out on the iPhone!) We have all that over here too, only with The Mandalorian theme song on repeat!
Overhearing my rants is so hilariously specific and 100% accurate! hahahahaha
Need some good sign ideas for Hands Off protest tomorrow!
Same!!! I’m like, “hands off EVERYTHING! GET THE EFF OUT OF HERE ALL OF YOU CROOKS!” but that’s not very interesting…
I made 9 (24×18) signs for the rally I’m attending, as I plan to hand them out. They read: No One Voted For Musk, and now he has your personal data A Nation Under Trump is a Nation in Distress Defend Democracy (with Anti-Trump signs) Pro-America/Anti-Trump Do Not Let Trump Get Away with Organized Crime Do Not Wait To Care: You Could be Next The Only Minority Ruining Our Country is The Rich Stop the Maga Coup / Eliminate DOGE
I am a little shocked your teen doesn’t have a phone! How do you track where they are when they walk somewhere alone? School? Park? Etc?
Like everyone who had kids in the many years before cell phones I would imagine :)
My friends and I have an ongoing discussion about the risks associated with kids gaining independence. There are the physical risks of navigating the world WITHOUT connectivity, versus the psychological risks for navigating the world OF connectivity…
My kids share a dumbphone for walks around the neighborhood a la 2007.
Read The Anxious Generation and Free-Range Parenting! Lots of food for thought about raising kids in a digital world.
Why would you need to track a teenager walking to school?
You could always get a smart watch synched to your own device.
They also might have a phone that doesn’t given them access to the internet.
Apple watch only, no phone?
If tracking is the concern, one could also put an Apple AirTag in their backpack or something. I’ve thought about that but haven’t done it. My kid doesn’t have a phone and walks a mile to school in the city. There’s been a couple of occasions where she came home a little later than expected and the reason was always the same (stopping at a friend’s house to pet a dog) But overall it’s been fine.
My kid has a phone that only lets him call and text. He asks me for my phone when he wants to “check something “.
Oh and it has a built in tracking system too. But you can also just put an apple tag on his keychain.
The book The Anxious Generation addresses this beautifully. Although we’re tricked into thinking it’s normal to know where our kids are every minute, it’s not actually developmentally normal either for kids or parents. It’s tough to follow but worth it. Kids learn how to problem solve and figure out life just like we did. :)
PNW Grateful may not be a city parent. If my kid was riding bikes in the neighborhood such as I did. I hear you. but on subways, ubers, walking amongst 8 Million people in this city. and no pay phones as “in the past”…. I think you know your comment made no sense.
No need to track. Give watch, tell them time to be home at, voila. If they are not home on time = trouble. Works with our 10 and 8 year old, playing throughout our neighborhood at other kids’ houses, going to park, and even *gasp* going to the gas station to buy WAY too much gum.
Jules, as a parent in a city, I think it’s insensitive and quite a narrow view to say that PNW Grateful’s comment makes no sense. We get along fine with our pre-teen/teen *not* having a phone or tracking device in the city. We make those choices and they are right for us, maybe not for you and that’s OK.
Cheers to asking to borrow a phone! I’m not exaggerating when I say that the majority of 5th graders (think 10 and 11 years old) at the elementary school that I work at have phones with internet access.
My 13yo routinely asks her dad to bike to the bubble tea shop with her and then he buys a giant lemon yakult with popping pearls (her favourite) for them to share. He has a sweet tooth and loves any excuse to bike somewhere, so he’s easy to convince despite his very frugal tendencies. A couple of years ago they really struggled to get along, so my heart swells every time I see them heading off down the street together.
This is so lovely! Decades later, I still remember how special it felt when my Dad would pick me up from school for a cappuccino + thrift store crawl. I’m sure this will end up a source of nostalgia for her as well.
Hah! Other than the Murder in the Buildings…I would say this all goes for 8 year olds +
how about’ ‘Chipolte for dinner mom?’
I adore that my teen junior in high school is in Foundations of American Democracy class. And took Economics last year which means she knows more about tariffs than the sitting president.
I took Intro to Economics in high school, but I could not tell you the slightest about it. Foundations in American Democracy would have been much more interesting for me (if it involves math, it is not a class for me).
I was *just* giving a coworker a quick-and-dirty explanation of nineteenth century tariffs based on my high school AP US History class (spoiler alert: didn’t really work then, either). Shout out to Mr. W. and all the awesome high school teachers–your pool of influence really never stops!
To be honest, I am also addicted to boba tea
Why must they always use our phones?!