Have a Beautiful Weekend.

Abe Books is owned by Amazon sadly :( There are alternatives to it though! I’m pretty fond of Thriftbooks (free shipping in the US, they have a great selection), and BetterWorldBook. And local used book stores are the best – you might not find what you’re looking for always, but you’ll usually stumble upon a gem that you didn’t know you needed.

Highly recommend https://bookshop.org/ if you can’t find what you’re looking for at your local store!

Joanna sends gift links, please send her an email. Alternatively it’s only $6 for one month (so $1.50 per article but it’s possible you may be able to see ALL the past articles too). It was a really, really good post and discussion that you may find helpful. Sending you so much love and support!!!

Minati, thank you for your note! We emailed you :) xo Joanna

Not 100% sure but Kaitlyn Teer is the editor: kaitlyn@cupofjo.com or the general hello@cupofjo.com. Best of luck to you!

Hi Libby! Please check your email, we sent you a note :)

“I am old enough to remember life before Amazon and a centralized internet and quitting Amazon and most social media makes me believe more than ever that we took some toxic wrong turns in the last decade.” Briana I LOVE this and couldn’t agree more.

I agree with all of this. Well said. For those who don’t have a first hand experiences of what it’s like to navigate daily life with a disability, or ongoing medical concerns, or affordability restrictions, consider yourself lucky.

Extremely well said! I will also add that if you can (and I think many people can do more than they think) change something about your lifestyle, it will make a difference (even if it’s small)! Obviously most of us are not CEOs of the companies that are causing most of the world pollution/climate change, but many of us in North America, myself included, live lifestyles that are causing active harm to the planet and our fellow humans. Choosing to buy or consume less, use the library more, learning how to compost, drive less, buy a small car instead of an SUV, and learning how to be an active rather than passive consumer, are all steps in shifting our lifestyles (and larger culture as a whole) towards something more sustainable and better for all of us. It might seem like a small thing, but I think the small things we can do on an individual level can lead to lasting and larger change.

https://5calls.org/privacy/ How your data is used.

I have used 5calls and have NOT received spam calls. Sorry this is happening to you, but THANKS! for doing your part to stand up for our country!

not doing 5calls and STILL getting spam calls (and texts)!

Yes! I made a similar list of 11 questions and I look at it whenever I want to buy something. The first question is ‘Have I thought about it for at least two weeks?’ which tends to stop me in my tracks! Another thing I do is keep a list of things I want in the notes app on my phone, rather than keeping the tabs open on a browser. Every now and then, I look at the list and invariably end up deleting things!

Yes, I love this! I’d also add “Do I really need it RIGHT NOW or am I just conditioned to feel like I do?” Sometimes searching for stuff on CL, Marketplace, etc. takes patience and can be frustrating (especially when you are used to 2-day shipping!). But it’s so satisfying when you find the thing! (Source: I gave up Amazon in 2020.) :)

… Great list and I would add: Do I really need it? Can I do without it?

This is such a good point

These are all good points, and I agree that the burden often does disproportionately fall on women. However, I’ve the recent actions to boycott Amazon, etc., as an opportunity to become more conscious about consumerism entirely. Someone else wrote that they run down a list of alternatives before buying a new thing, which is great. There is also an old slogan from the WWII era I’ve been trying to adopt: “Use it up, wear it out, make it do [i.e., repair], or do without”.

It is a good point that conscious consumerism can add to the mental load that disproportionately affects women. I will say that my husband, who has always been passionate about the environment, has led the charge in our home to emphasize the “reduce and reuse” parts of the “3 Rs.” We mull over purchases and often decide we don’t need them. Not buying things takes less time/money than buying things.

I think maybe it’s that women are more likely to be discussing this and commenting online? My husband (who does the vast majority of household purchasing, meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking) is extremely conscientious when it comes to this stuff. He subscribes to an ethical consumer magazine and considers any purchases very carefully (not perfectly, of course). But no one would know because that’s just his normal life which he gets on with quietly.

Totally agree Abigail! My husband and I are equally conscientious consumers, but only one of us is out here commenting on Substacks and COJ, lol. I think the burden can definitely fall disproportionately on women but it depends on a lot of different factors / relationship dynamics / individual personalities, etc. Also, it’s a small sample but I’m Canadian and a lot of what I’ve been reading lately about buying / supporting ethical Canadian companies has been written by men (easily half!). It’s definitely top of mind for all of us right now!

Interesting discussion. My husband of 40+ years has always felt equqlly responsible for caring for our home and kids; now retired does almost all of the shopping, cooking, laundry; he is at the front lines in the stores reading labels and making choices. What you feel is falling more on women is the conversation? That is true in some cases, but my hub is on blue sky commenting, emailing, phoning, helping me keep up with and process the news (I would literally be cowering under the bed chewing blankets if he wasn’t). He doesn’t read CoJ or other blogs. I really feel you are making a great point that needs to be discussed to understand; while this is my situation, how common is it? If a problem, how to address? Either way – support, support!

This will probably get me skewered, but to me, this just indicates that women must demand more from their partners and if they are not conscious enough to volunteer or initiate, then we must make their assumption of a portion of the household tasks a deal breaker. DO they love you and your household enough to care for it or do they not? Simple. Please read: https://bookshop.org/p/books/fair-play-a-game-changing-solution-for-when-you-have-too-much-to-do-and-more-life-to-live-eve-rodsky/12084091?ean=9780525541943&next=t

But you could still shop online just direct from a store instead of benefitting Amazon by ordering through them

I am truly not seeing any comments that are vicious, snobby, entitled etc. I think it’s fair for people who are trying to make a positive change to talk about it and try to convince others to do the same. Nowhere do I see that as an attack. Much like if someone was praising the virtues of vegetarianism, I wouldn’t see that as an attack as someone who eats meat occasionally. Someone else making a different choice to you does not mean they are viciously attacking you.

It’s not just his politics it’s the way Amazon is run

Ah yes, because the GOP has never pushed for boycotts against things they didn’t agree with for the most petty reasons…like, Budweiser, Nike, Oreos, Walmart, Keurigs, Pepsi, Target, Gillette razors, Taylor Swift merchandise, and even the NFL and Walmart, oh, and don’t forget the outrage if the Starbucks holiday cups aren’t Christmas-y enough. /s Either you have the most selective memory or you are a disingenuous troll.

It’s definitely not just about the founder’s politics. There is plenty of investigative research showing how horribly Amazon treats its workers — denying them bathroom breaks, shortchanging them on their paychecks, etc etc. Via an interview with Martha Becks (which has been verified by Snopes): Jeff Bezos, one of the richest men in the world, says in his quarterly reports and loves to say, in many settings, that he tells all of the thousands of Amazon employees who work under him… he wants them all to wake up terrified every morning. And that’s the word he uses: terrified. And to stay terrified all day, because that makes them productive. But most of these people are just getting by financially. He wants them to be afraid all the time so that he and the stockholders can get more stuff. And they already have so much stuff!

Jane, this is SUCH a simplistic comment.

Is this the same Jane who left a comment on the hometown post about loving your transphobic, human rights-denying governor? Do you just read Cup of Jo to feed your self-righteous delusions about republican being the real victims while you and your ilk support, implement, and benefit policies that take away rights and cause real life harm to your fellow Americans? Vile troll.

I’m in the UK too. If you have a reasonably local independent bookshop, it’s likely they can order any book that’s in print to be delivered the next day. Or online, try Hive Books for new books or World of Books for second hand.

If you have a nearby college or University, you can often become a public patron and ask them if they will take collection requests. Our academic library just started a book leasing program last year so we have all kinds of new releases and popular books in addition to the academic journals.

I appreciate the recs! I’m semi-rural Scotland. Our nearest uni and college are day trip distance, and even Amazon doesn’t manage next day delivery easily! Ages since I’ve heard Hive mentioned – I recall hearing they weren’t great?? Have they improved? I do use Ebay a lot for second hand books but obviously not great for new releases.

I’ve been using Hive for years and never had any issues whatsoever – they’ve always been great as far as I’m concerned! World of Books is a good alternative to eBay with plenty of new releases.

Anon, if you live in semi-rural Scotland, have you heard of Portobello Books? They’re an independent bookstore based in Edinburgh that ship widely (and internationally)! I’m in Canada and I’ve gotten books from them, and they were lovely! Blackwell’s also ships widely. Also seconding World of Books. Another suggestion might be reaching out to the numerous secondhand bookstores in Edinburgh, like Armchair books, with a list of titles you’re interested in and seeing if they could ship them to you for a reasonable price?

I think we’ve been trained to have a false sense of urgency about things to ramp up our consumerism. In those examples, perhaps those are genuine emergencies, or perhaps we could borrow something from someone or just make do for a bit longer. In other cases, I think we’ve been conditioned to believe we urgently need something that’s not really that urgent or vital at all.

To me, Bezos is actionable. I can stop using Amazon. I’m not out here buying Teslas or spaceships, I’m not directly paying Zuckerberg (he’s really profiting off ad spend and data collection). I can use facebook less often (and try to convince my bookclub to move organization off it) or I can use instagram less (and miss events for my local breweries/restaurants). It’s less tangible to understand the impact, though.

Very good question. Shopping differently does not strike the way loss of jobs will. Distraction gets more traction. Trap.

I think there is currently a ton of focus on all of them in the US, for different reasons. I would say that currently in the US, Musk is even getting the most since he is actively working at the highest echelons to dismantle the government. He was unelected but is somehow wielding so much direct power, it is sickening. People hate Bezos for his monopolizing tactics, poor worker treatment and now for the crushing of the Washington Post’s press freedoms. People hate Zuckerberg for the negative policies of Facebook (like the recent removal of moderation and promotion of spam posts), privacy violations, and for bowing to governmental demands. So, I would say they are all getting much deserved hate and attention in the US now. People can easily delete Amazon Prime and Facebook, but unless you own a Tesla and sell it, there is less direct financial action to be taken against Musk by the average citizen.

That’s a great question and interesting to for us all to think about – I think there’s a focus on Amazon specifically because so many Americans have made a habit of shopping there, a habit we are trying to break. It’s easier to delete Facebook or never buy a Tesla but that 1-day diaper/grocery/household item/nonsense purchase delivery…. less easy to say goodbye to.

I think because many, many people shop at Amazon every day, even if they’ll never buy a Tesla or don’t use Facebook/instagram/whatapp.

Because most of us do not own a Tesla and FB is easy to drop (or just not read). But Amazon?! My entire family relies on it for everything from cross country bday gifts, to bath & body products, bathing suits, the shows on Prime, and Every Little Thing We Didn’t Know We Needed and Makes Life So Much Easier. If I am supposed to boycott Target and move away from Amazon I honestly do not know where to go to get stuff. And even though my quantity of “stuff” has lessened over the years, having kids means having ‘stuff’. (Although — dating myself — my head wanted me to type “having kids means having kool-aid” haha))

1) it’s a both/and, not an either/or 2) most people use Amazon and its subsidiaries in a way that they don’t use/support Musk products. You’re not buying a new car (though it’s been heartening to see the Tesla returns) and most people don’t use Starlink, though he’s trying to take over wireless, so that may change 3) I personally don’t use any Meta products, but have gotten people in my life to switch from WhatsApp to Signal and reconsider using Instagram or closing their abandoned Facebook profiles 4) I work in tech policy and have a lot of long-standing dismay for all three men/their products, but Jeff Bezos is not only financially supporting Trump, he’s king interfered in trying to dismantle administrative state and in the running of the Washington Post. The changes to the opinion page for the latter was the breaking point for many people I know in DC

They’re getting our focus too! I’ve cancelled my Instagram and removed any data/profit gathering from my FB profile (that’ll go eventually, once I find a comparable Buy Nothing/even hosting platform). Elon is regularly addressed in my calls to my reps, but outside of continuing to not buy a Tesla and removing the Starlink option from my smartphone, can’t really boycott an amenity I’ve never used.

I feel the only way to affect Elon is to not buy a Tesla, and the only way to affect Zuckerberg is to not use social media. Amazon feels much more actionable, to me, as we consume so much and it’s frequently thru them. I recently looked at our Amazon spending in 2024 and was shocked at how much we spent. Don’t look away from Bezos — see his recent comments about changing Editorial section at Washington Post. https://www.npr.org/2025/02/26/nx-s1-5309725/jeff-bezos-washington-post-opinion-section

Good question! Elon is getting a TON of unfavorable press and is quite unpopular. Zuckerberg does seem to be skating by, you’re right. The difference between Elon and Bezos I think is that most Americans buy from bezos pretty regularly whereas only some own teslas. Boycotting bezos is more doable for most people since most of us don’t own teslas to begin with.

I think you’re meaning on this site and I would say it is because they used to link a lot to Amazon to buy things—and that has changed recently. So the focus has been on Bezos and Amazon because so many people use Amazon on a daily basis for purchasing and a lot of bloggers are Amazon affiliates. There’s a ton of focus in general on a variety of websites etc on Musk and on Zuckerberg as well. But they haven’t tended to link to Facebook or Tesla, so that gets less attention here.

I think because Amazon in in our everyday lives with so many purchases we might choose to make. I don’t have Twitter, I’m never gonna own a Tesla, but Amazon is something I feel like I have more agency to change.

I live in Massachusetts and there is LOTS of focus on Musk. The protests I’ve been to have focused on Musk and Trump as the main sources of our ire and there are protests signs outside the Boston Tesla dealership most days. People have also burned Tesla charging stations down. There is a lot of pushback again Musk especially where I am. As for Zuckerberg, I don’t know many people who still use Facebook but I have been encouraging my friends to get off Instagram, both for our sanity and to take a stand against Zuckerberg. Over the last few months it has become increasingly clear how complicit most of US media is with the Trump administration (either by sanewashing things they are doing or not adequately covering the opposition efforts) so I caution you that just because you don’t see reports about something happening doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

I think here it’s because people are responding to the “breaking up with Amazon” link in the post. I live on the east coast, so I have also heard a lot of annoyance about Bezos’s policies RE: the Washington Post editorials page…not sure if that’s as closely followed in other regions. There have been frequent protests outside Tesla dealerships here, too, but I am not in the Tesla marketing demographic LOL. I don’t have Facebook or Instagram, but I’m sure there are other Meta subsidiaries I’d be perfectly happy to boycott…maybe a topic for another post?

Interesting to see that international perspective. Where I live (the Pacific Northwest, Oregon/Portland and Washington/Seattle) and the strongest anti-oligarch sentiment is against Musk.

I can not begin to describe how much we’ve been focusing on all three.

We don’t like them either!

Thanks everyone for responding, mostly respectfully. ;)

There are protests at the Tesla showrooms every weekend in most cities and the majority of people I know wouldn’t be caught dead on X. Facebook is hard because a lot of community groups need to migrate, but many are quitting IG. Amazon is the next step.

Anita, genuine answer. DOGE was created illegally, Musk was not elected or appointed, thus he cannot be removed by voting or impeachment. The only reall way to stop what he is doing is through lawsuits, and those are happening. That is a slow process and most of us in the comments section do not have legal standing to do that directly. Protesting is an option, and that is happening as well. We are not stupid. We realize they are all a problem. Bless.

This was such a wonderful crossover for me, as Happy Brittany and COJ were two of the first blogs I ever started following around 15 years ago!

I already broke up with Amazon years ago, Brittany, but I loved your post (so practical, empathetic and informative) and forwarded it to so many people in my life!

It always struck me as kind of gross to buy clothing on Amazon, not really sure why, but maybe because, as you said, it seems like a more unglamorous site. That being said, and I know people are boycotting Target too, but I’m not—I always order the unglamorous things from Target, also free shipping with $35. If you live near a Target, you can do free pickup where they bring the stuff to your car even.

So … you learned something, and it gave you an idea you’re thinking about implementing. I think that’s what they call “helpful” ;)

Hi! I’m saying this with zero judgement because we all have to move at our own pace! I found it helpful to add one of those types of items to my grocery shopping at a time until I was buying most at the grocery store. I actually like it better—no endless string of boxes to break down! I also am lucky to live near Costco, so I joined and buy some things there to save a bit. I really thought it would be harder than it has been! Good luck and take care!

Echoing the Kobo recommendation! I’ve had one since 2020 (libraries closing pushed me to try ebooks for the first time!) and it’s great. It’s also originally a Canadian company, now owned by a Japanese company but still headquartered in Toronto. And thank you for the StoryGraph recommendation! Going to make the switch today :)

Thank you for StoryGraph info! I didn’t think about GoodReads connection to Amazon. I get great book deals through http://www.bookbub.com — you can set your preferred genres and get emails about book deals (though they’re frequently on Amazon).

I just discontinued my Kindle Unlimited membership and got the Libby app. It’s been great so far!

Why Amazon though? There are plenty of other sites that offer delivery.

Exactly! The people who need it should use it. I think a lot of us are realizing the convenience wasn’t as much of a “need” as we thought.

Thanks Steph. As a person who struggles with doing groceries in person having Whole Foods (owned by Amazon) delivery has been a real game changer. I don’t feel great about supporting Amazon this way but it helps my life tremendously to have access to quality products and ingredients that can be brought to my door regularly. Even with something like Thrive Market, I wouldn’t be able to place same day orders.

I think ‘shopping on Amazon’ and ‘shopping online’ have somehow become conflated in a lot of these comments. I don’t think anyone has anything against shopping online – it’s more about trying to avoid Amazon if possible.

Amy thank you for the work you do! And I agree with you that there are indeed “good” purpose uses for Amazon – your examples hit home, as I was so grateful I was able to overnight the same things for my mom last year.

yes, we have stopped!

I just add those items to my Target cart and then when I reach the $35 threshold, I can ship, or if I’m headed in that direction, I can do a pickup.

I agree — these random things are so hard to find in-person or in non-bulk quantities online.

For me the answer to this has been a hardware store! I’m always shocked at the scope of stuff they seem to carry at our local store (recently have picked up 1 canning jar, kids safety scissors, hand soap, etc). It’s more expensive per item than online, but I’m not paying shipping so I’m usually ok with it.

I also have a kindle that I will continue to use until it dies for environmental reasons. I already bought it 5+ years ago and only use kindle books from my library so the only Amazon money maker I can imagine is the ads on it. It just seems like a waste to throw it away or replace it now. When it does wear out I will replace it with a Kobo. My husband has one and loves it.

Kobo!! I’ve had mine since 2020 and it’s great. They are light, simple, waterproof, made of recycled plastic, work very seamlessly with Libby, and bookshop.org compatibility has been announced for later this year

I’ve had my Kobo Clara ereader for 6+ years now and it’s excellent (eink, battery lasts forever, if it has a browser, I’ve never used it). I can’t speak to integration w/ bookshop.org (looks like it might happen later this year?). I am a library person, and it works really well with Libby.

Another Kobo enthusiast! for all the reasons said above plus i think has such a better feel in your hands than the kindle. My model is so old its no longer on the site but family member have bought different versions recently with the same rave reviews

Bookshop does have its own app for ebooks, Laura. My plan, as someone who also has an old Kindle and still uses it, is to get a plain old tablet once my Kindle wears out, put the Kindle and Bookshop.org apps on it (so I can still access ebooks I’ve previously purchased), and commit to only buying ebooks from Bookshop going forward. Maybe that’s something you can try too?

hi anon, i’m so sorry your husband hit you. there is nothing you could have said or done that would make that ok. i think your instinct for community is really good – i’d suggest checking out a subreddit like https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/ where people can be anonymous and more open. good luck to you, you deserve to be happy and safe. logan

Your situation breaks my heart. I experienced emotional abuse in my marriage and I stayed. I stayed because my therapist helped me break my codependency and stand up for myself, and he went to therapy. It took years to achieve real change. He is not the man he used to be, and frankly I’m not the same woman either. I’m better and he’s better, we’re better for each other now. But it is devastingly hard work to stay, and any positive change could take years, if it happens at all. I can’t be sure I would’ve made the same choice if he was physically violent, but in my opinion, abuse is abuse.

Anonymous, I don’t have personal experience to share but I want to express how sorry I am that you are experiencing this. I’m sure it’s a much more complicated thing than anyone outside the marriage could imagine. Very glad you have a supportive community and therapist and I wish you the best in moving forward.

I am so sorry. Please call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) to talk through your questions. Or you can text “START” to 88788.

Hi Anon, I have not been through this, but just wanted to say that I am glad you have a supportive network and therapist. I am a primary care doctor, and have seen the physical and emotional repercussions of abuse in my patients, with sometimes catastrophic consequences. I have also seen the freedom and lightness of my patients who do leave an unhealthy relationship, despite often significant social, financial and other challenges. They have told me repeatedly that they did not realize how much their toxic relationship was effective every aspect of their life, and not one of them has regretted the decision to leave. Thinking of you.

I say this with kindness – you are very obviously in the fog of an abused person. I was, too, for years. Once I finally admitted the abuse to my family, I literally said the words “it’s only really bad about once a year, when it feels really out of control. Usually it’s just little stuff, like slapping me, or pulling my hair, or putting his hands on my neck but not actually choking me.” NO ONE WHO LOVES AND RESPECTS YOU IS GOING TO REPEATEDLY HIT YOU. EVER. A person who loves you will be filled with rage and have tears come to their eyes at the thought of someone doing that to you. They will want to beat the hell out of THAT person. This is not normal or acceptable. I’m not saying it’s okay, but a drunken episode, in the middle of a heated argument, once, with remorse and shame afterward? Maaaaybe. But what you’re describing is completely and utterly unacceptable. There’s no way this person can regularly, reliably treat you with love and care on a daily basis. Maybe he doesn’t hit you often, but you don’t make his eyes light up when you walk in a room. Leave!!! Find a person who’ll treat you with tender care! I did. It was fucking terrifying and horrible and awful. I escaped with my kid to the police dept. He went to jail for over a year (seven year sentence) and I have a lifetime criminal protective/no contact order. And someone actually loves and cares for me now. When I lay in bed with him, I feel safe, not scared. Good luck to you 💓

I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. It might not be easy, even with abuse. But you deserve to leave that situation. Nothing he offers is worth the unknown, and likely possibility of abuse occuring. Lean into your network for a plan of action

I’m sorry you’re in this situation. For me, a man raising a hand to hit a woman is a hard line. I completely understand the indecision/hope that things will change (I’m stuck in that myself, though not with someone who has hit me). I have sought out so many resources to try to untangle this debate in my head, and none have helped all that much but the one thing that all of them say is that physical abuse is a red flag to get the hell out (and yes, even if it’s just been a handful of times). I hope you do. All breakups are hard and sad, but I think you’ll be so much happier once you’re on the other side of that.

I don’t have firsthand experience with this but I just wanted to commend you for your strength in posting this. I hope others have helpful thoughts but if it’s any comfort at all, you have the support of an internet stranger.

It’s not that he hit you, it’s that you’re living in anticipation of it happening again. Ask yourself if you’ll ever be free of that tension and go from there.

hey anon, listen to your gut — you’re a wise and kind woman too :) we’re rooting for you.

I helped my dear friend leave an abusive relationship (emotional, financial and occasionally physical). It took a decade. The fear of the unknown, his anger, extreme fiscal instability and religious/social shame kept her from moving forward even though she wanted to deep down. I showed her a study (and there are many) that reveal a huge link between children of abusive & toxic relationships, normalizing that behavior, and then finding similar toxic relationships as adults. That was the final straw for her. She could not live with the fact that her daughters could repeat entering an abusive marriage or her son using yelling & aggression as a means of expression because they saw it in their regular lives. The divorce was hard but been 5 years and she and the kids are doing great now. She’s found a new husband who treats her the way she deserves to be treated. You deserve that and the sun and the moon too! Sending you so much emotional strength and support xo

Thanks so much, everyone

Original poster here – and I just wanted to thank the people who responded to my comment before. I still come back to your messages, even though I haven’t managed to take any big steps yet.

This sounds like one of those Super Bowl Amazon ads. Amazon is exploitative beyond belief, with workers regularly overworked to the point of physical harm, and the platform nickels and dimes small businesses that sell through them so they can’t turn a profit, while also putting local businesses under. If anything, quitting Amazon might give them a reasonable work load.

this is really one sided. you aren’t considering all of the small businesses that have shuttered because of amazon either. our economy shouldn’t be a race to the bottom.

This is true, but I don’t feel it is a valid argument in support of amazon. it’s unfortunate that this element has been allowed into our lives and, in some cases, taken over, but that doesn’t make it right, and that doesn’t make it supportable. My husband worked for Meals on Wheels and hired a well-educated man (PhD etc) as a social worker. When his first day arrived he never showed up; turns out he took a job as an amazon delivery person for better pay and better benefits. Can’t blame him, but…still. Raises questions like, why don’t we pay social workers more? People like this shouldn’t have to depend on amazon for a living, and who gets hurt as a result? To say that we can’t get rid of companies like amazon because they support so many workers actually should send a different message: instead of everybody supporting amazon all these years, what if they had been supporting local businesses? small businesses? other companies with better morals, ethics, business models, employee treatment? It used to be like that. I remember those days. By not shopping at amazon and spending our dollars with other businesses, ideally amazon jobs will shift to those businesses and maybe they, as a result, will become better paying. This also depends on the political climate and the strength of our society; bringing ethics etc back into the american work force, to treat our employees as valued people who deserved to make a living wage and benefits. It’s a shift: if people start losing jobs at amazon, ideally and hopefully our spending habits will create jobs for them in another local environment. It may not be an easy change, but it is a hopeful and necessary change.

Amazon has forced out small businesses who provide much better work environments. Think of the number of small bookshops that have gone out of business over the past several decades. The advent of so much shipping from them is killing our small post offices and they can’t keep up with the number of boxes. I’d be willing to venture that Amazon has killed more job than it has made.

By that logic you should never boycott anything..

It’s not like jobs didn’t exist before Amazon. Imagine if there are room for more jobs with smaller companies, owned by people we know, in the communities we live in. Stifling Amazon is the way to provide opportunity outside of a monopoly

LOLLLLL. I am a primary care doctor and routinely see my poor patients take exploitative Amazon fulfillment center jobs. Had to write an excuse for a pregnant woman to be able to go to the bathroom as needed because she was getting pinged for low productivity. Have had multiple serious orthopedic injuries from overuse. All of these people wound up quitting Amazon because t was toxic! Also – Amazon drivers have a well-known higher rate of MVC because they’re pushed to their limits. Do some research.

I have a Roku for streaming shows on my TV. I don’t use amazon prime but I have other accounts (Peacock, netflix). If I want to rent a movie, I usually use the apple tv+ app to rent or buy something that will be stored in the app. The Fandango at home app is another option for renting a movie to stream.

canceled!

I’m starting small rather than all at once. Its definitely hard when something permeates your entire life.

I know the ad content on Amazon is apparently pretty lucrative. I like Kanopy as an alternative! It syncs with your library card and they’ve got a fairly decent selection, but you’re limited to how many you can view each month.

We got rid of it. I kept seeing charges to stream movies I actually wanted to watch. Why am I paying and having to pay again? Found that I could see it on other platforms often for free like Tubi. Another coj reader found the entire Fleabag series at her library so that’s an option too. I found myself reading again (something I used to love to do and stopped) and picking up other hobbies. And we have casual gatherings where one friend has a membership and they sign in. DId that last night with White Lotus. And we host for some sports. It reminds me of “must see tv” when we would all get together Thursday nights and watch Seinfeld, Friends & ER.

sooo… you want to publish, but you don’t want to do the publishing tasks you don’t ‘relish’? sounds like a self-imposed problem. self-published authors need different resources than amazon, who has had a monopoly on this for far too long. a boycott like this is a great start to getting those resources to blossom. your sacrifice is noted, but get on board, friend. this is about you, too.

Sorry, there’s no solution without collateral damage. I’m glad you have a full time job.

As a big reader of romance myself (on amazon and elsewhere), I hear you and can understand a bit of where you are coming from. MANY indie/new/smaller authors rely on the amazon system! I don’t think it has to be either/or. Perhaps many of the people cancelling their Prime or Amazon accounts aren’t buying/reading those books anyway. Personally, my gut feeling is that hundreds or thousands of people cancelling their accounts is not going to make a difference to one of the largest companies in the world. BUT, those same people patronizing different businesses – possibly small or local ones – could make a difference to *those* business owners. tldr: I sympathize, and also doubt you are going to see a difference on your bottom line. I think it is incredibly impressive that you have made time to establish a writing career alongside your day job!

I feel like this argument comes up a lot, and it makes me feel sad that we expect individuals to just fend for themselves, and makes me curious what role community could play in helping make sure people’s needs are met. I don’t believe that Amazon is the answer.

Lindsey, I totally agree – I live with chronic illness and disability and instead of Amazon or Instacart to buy the things I need, I would love to be in more of a network of community care and reciprocity. I cannot physically get to stores easily but I could certainly do other tasks for people who might help me in return. I’m still hoping to build/find this type of community.

Also – Lindsey, I don’t think it’s an ‘argument’ that keeps coming up – it people’s basic needs not being met that keeps coming up.

Big appreciation to Allison and other allies of disabled/chronically ill folks for thinking of us. And Lindsay, yes, I have had that thought as someone who became disabled suddenly in her late 30s with two young kids: “There must be community resources to help with x y or z.” Maybe they do exist but they are really hard to find. My experience of disability is that people are left to figure it out themselves. Our country is so individualistic and that becomes much harder when you can’t physically do the things we expect of individuals. Not to mention that my family spends 30-40 K per year on insurance care, as my doctor calls it. If you can spend more time and money on better things than do it! I will be cheering you on.

Genuine question: is a week a long time to go without ordering things on Amazon?

Katy, this is described as a long term endeavor. One day, one week, build on this type of protest which I find too easy and too distracting from issues far more impacting like job loss. My shopping habits are so simple compared to thousands losing income. So YES!

StoryGraph is great, go for it! Way more functionality and data/analysis options, if that’s your thing.

exactly this… spray bottles, a spare charging cord / adapter / the book the Canadian chain can’t bring into store for 2 weeks / crosswork puzzles for stocking stuffers / the best hairclips that aren’t $40 a pop… this is sadly where Amazon excels.

I’m slightly confused by Katy’s comments, as a fellow Canadian who does not shop on Amazon. You can get a spray bottles, spare charging cables, crossword puzzles, hair clips from the Dollar Store, Shopper’s, Indigo, etc. All of these are readily accessible goods you can find at a grocery store…. I feel like Amazon has fried people’s brains in terms of how to shop. Not saying these companies are perfect, but they’re better than Amazon. I bought my converter plug from Best Buy and picked in store, same day.

+1 for StoryGraph, it’s excellent!

Apple tv. We bought the box, we don’t have any other apple products, don’t use itv, we found britbox and others in the app store and have been watching it for at least five years. Recommend!

You can also subscribe to each service directly from the website—my tablet and smart tv (a Roku) both have Acorn and Britbox apps. Slightly less convenient than having them in one app, but my tv does have an integrated search where I can find shows without opening individual apps.

If you have time, do a bit of research into Calibre e-book management. I kept my kindle but now download ebooks in epub or mobi format, from Libby or Kobo (paid). I then upload them into Calibre, and it converts them and sends them to my Kindle via usb. Bit of a learning curve but seems so easy now. NB some of the Kobo book formats require you to convert via Adobe Digital Editions before loading into Calibre. Again, a faff the first time, but there’s a really helpful Reddit community that has loads of pointers.

Rebecca, thank you this answered my question as well!

Made the grilled cheese this weekend and 11/10.

I hear you Maria. I’m divorced (not my choice-my ex left. But I’m much happier). I was talking to a friend last night about our best bud who has been in the throes of trying to make this decision for a. Purple of years and is having a really hard time. The friend I was chatting with was saying that when I got divorced she was jealous because she was so miserable in her own marriage. But then about a year later, her husband just made the decision to put the effort in to turn things around and now they’re in an amazing place. Between the three of us, it’s all different angles/perspectives and we’ll likely all have different outcomes. I noticed in the BS comments that several people asked for an issue with stories of people whose marriages weathered the storms. I think we’ll hopefully get snippets from varied perspectives.

Just here to say I also related to many of the comments to on the BS post. But I also still feel that I need/want to say. Joanna mentioned how hard it was to feel so uncertain for so long and that’s where I am. I keep telling myself I need to just commit to staying and making it better. But then the cycle begins anew…

There’s nothing wrong with you that you want to stay. I am divorced and part of me still wants to stay and probably always will. And that’s ok. I know I can’t be with my ex husband. There is also a big difference in being the person who is asking for a divorce and the person on the other side of that decision. I found it really hard to read the article on Big Salad, and most of the comments, as I was on the receiving end/other side of what most of those commenters were describing. And my life afterwards is definitely not Joanna’s soup parties lol. There is a lot of grief and loss. I think life after divorce *can* be amazing but the actual act of divorcing is anything but, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Here to say, it’s actually amazing.

I don’t know if you’ll see this, Maria, but I did want to say that I’ve been married for 25 years, and I think it’s important to remember that even smart, warm, intuitive women talking about divorce are leaving things out. Deeply private things, unconsicous things, things too painful for the page. Marriage is SO private, and it’s complicated beyond words–which I mean literally– there’s just so much we can’t articulate. These women were able to articulate a piece of their story, and I’m sure that for readers who are, in their gut, feeling ready for divorce, it will feel bolstering. But I also read the accounts, and thought, Oh, yes! I’ve felt that”, or “Oh, I remember the years we struggled with that one!” But there was, for me and my spouse, a different story underneath. Maybe there is for you too. All this is to say no one knows more about your marriage than you do! Let yourself be the expert here, be your own wise woman! And then, if the time comes when you need these wonderful divorced women to wrap their arms around you, come back and read this post again! But until that day, you can let it go.

A friend who got divorced (and is very at peace with the decision) said she did not anticipate the loneliness. It forced her to be proactive to build relationships-some new, some neglected.

Hi Maria, just writing to say I feel this too. Part of the fear for me is around my financial situation if I get divorced. Part of it is the loneliness — I hope i could build a community like the ones I’m reading about, but I don’t have that soft landing place right now. One thing I’m thinking about is how to prepare financially and socially while I work on making a decision, so that, if I DO separate, it looks more like what I hope it will look like.

Well, it’s not like you are now either. Either way, leave or stay, there is an Instagram vs reality lens. Nothing wrong with staying, per se. But for many people there is more grief in staying than leaving.

This may be a hot take – but I feel like people make other peoples’ divorces about their own life choices – similarly with people deciding not to drink for an evening – it makes everyone question their own drinking. Whether to do anything in life – esp stay or leave your marriage – is an insanely personal choice and only you can make it.

I havne’t read the BS post – and i do apologize if this is referenced, but two back to back articles you might enjoy is Miranda July’s https://mirandajuly.substack.com/p/you-bust-loose-from-heaven-and-now https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/is-it-revolutionary-to-leave-a-marriage https://haleynahman.substack.com/p/is-it-revolutionary-to-leave-a-marriage

I can’t read the article because it’s paywalled, but that is ok. I am not contemplating divorce, but wish all those who are facing that decision the best possible outcomes on these very complex and difficult changes. I just wanted to say that I think your point is worthwhile about taking online content, and the idea of an online community, with a huge grain of salt. And I do realize the irony of me commenting online about this. Better to write this in my journal, which I will be off to do in a minute. But this topic is something I’ve been pondering for myself. It is part of my own personal path lately, and no judgement on anybody else’s journey. But in the face of some life challenges I’ve become very aware of what reading online content adds to my mental and emotional burden. And it can be quite a lot. I am trying to be more careful about what I opt in for these days. While it might be momentarily interesting and a distraction to read an article about an aspect of someone’s experience, and I have empathy, I don’t know the authors, and they will never know me, and are not my friends. That may seem obvious but if I am expending energy there, why am I doing that? The illusion of online content being a relationship or a community is a false construct. So what do I gain from the things I read online, and why am I ingesting content and stories that aren’t relevant to me, from strangers? That is a lot of extra stuff to pick up and carry around, and I find it sometimes a burden that is disorienting. I am trying to cut way back. Better for me to redirect that attention to my own well-being, friends, family, and real life community.

But maybe YOU throw those soup parties! As someone who very reluctantly got divorced, and spent a lot of time in therapy unwinding why I thought that made me a “bad woman,” I can definitively say that I’m happier divorced than I was married. BUT if there is a part of you that wants to stay, definitely LISTEN TO THAT. Every relationship is unique, as is every marriage and divorce. I still believe in marriage, and I don’t believe that divorce is the solution in every situation.

Of course there is nothing wrong with you! Wishing you good luck and good fortune ((hug)).

I did not know chewy was owned by pet smart but I’ve been getting my cat food and supplies, litter etc, from them for years. I have always had excellent service from Chewy. Their phone service was great too, on 2 occasions I had to use it. ( both my fault ) Someone answered right away both times. I hope you like it. :)

Love everything about this. I just got off the phone with Target–I canceled my RedCard and disabled my online account.

This is so great, well done Kat!! I agree, have started to make a plan to quit Amazon. Already quit FB and IG and Twitter.

YAYYYY!!! Chewy is a great find. I’ve switched from Amazon to Kobo, Libby and Bookshop for books. I feel less powerless when my purchases and other actions are aligned with my values.

just as another note to Chewy, when I had to cancel my dog food subscription because he had passed, they sent me a note and flowers and told me to donate the extra bags of food I had and refunded the bags. Will always recommend!

*The home I sold ….

Adrienne, could this be what you’re looking for? It’s not Jenny’s mud cake, but it’s got a salted caramel frosting that you could probably pair with that cake. https://cupofjo.com/2020/11/05/snacking-cake-recipe-yossy-arefi/

Look up Mud Cake 2.0 on DALS. The post is from June 18 2024.

The one by my home most certainly does. I wish thee good hunting, Susan.

I have decided to no longer support or shop at Whole foods (never had a Prime account, already don’t use Amazon) and encourage others to follow suit. Costco has authentic olive oil in glass bottles, which is what you want in an olive oil :)

Costco has good choices for cooking oils. We buy the Kirkland (Costco brand) organic ev olive oil, so I don’t pay much attention to the other brands, but they do have them.

If they don’t have an olive oil you like one week, just try again in a few. I swear every time I go there the oil is different… With a few mainstays

I buy California Olive oil from Sprouts- if you have one near you. I also have bought it from World Market.

Ha! I hope it turns up. I still remember when I learned about the concept. My best friend’s mother displayed hers proudly in the dining room in the late 1990s, and to this day, I still think y’all looked cool as heck. :)

That kind of phrasing is incredibly shaming, inflammatory, and isolating. Do you think speaking like that to people helps achieve good results or drives people to think less of their choices being bad than themselves? Your flippance no doubt comes from, ultimately, a desire for good. But goodness. It won’t achieve it in the same way the compassionate substack linked by Jo can. I guess it comes down to this: comments like yours don’t encourage me to cancel my Amazon account but they sure make me feel like I’m the scum of the earth.

Agree! I have not bought a single thing from Amazon and I don’t intend to start. People should walk the talk and we would see changes for the better in this world.

Wow! There are people, referenced by the comments above, who don’t have the same choices you may have. Either mobility is an issue, they don’t live in an urban environment with actual local businesses or many/any other businesses, the privilege of being able to shop without worrying about “saving a few bucks”. Please be cognizant of how your words sound. I’m not offended but also might not like your ugly speech much…..

Amen. Anything that is super convenient and easy has a cost somehwere else down the line