Have a Lovely Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? Anton, his friend, and I are on a little trip, and I’m excited to share photos on Monday. We have played 1,000 games of ping pong. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few links from around the web…
The Soup Strategy for making friends. “My husband jokes that I would pick up a dinner guest on my way home from the subway were it not for him,” says Pilar Guzmán. (Big Salad gift link; you can subscribe here, if you’d like)
Bookmarking Jenny’s turkey chili recipe for winter evenings.
Anton and I are reading The Outsiders, and we’re both really enjoying it.
You can volunteer to hold NICU infants. “On that day, I rocked him for three hours. My left shoulder ached, my arm went numb, but I would not let go, for he and I had work to do, trust to build.” (NYT gift link)
Pepper — the bra brand for small chests — just launched swim! I ordered this one-piece to try.
“46 thoughts I had while watching the first episode of The Baldwins.” (Vogue)
I’ve been wearing this shirt with a denim skirt on repeat.
Excited to pack this for every trip this year.
Pittsburgh is opening their first women’s sports bar called Title 9, and it looks like such a fun place to hang. “It’s not a women’s bar, it’s a sports bar playing women’s sports.”
On February 28th, join the 24-hour economic blackout to stand up to Trump. Don’t buy anything that day, except necessities.
Finally, Bess Kalb’s beautiful tribute to Kfir and Ariel Bibas. May their memory be a blessing. xoxo
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Emmy Rae on 12 questions for a grief therapist: “I’m a nurse and patients often tell me about people they’ve lost. I always ask ‘where do you go/what do you do that makes you feel close to them?’ and if it’s something simple like ‘the kitchen,’ I tell them I’ll think of their person next time I’m in the kitchen.”
Says Ashley Dargai on my best friend’s mom’s paprikash: “My husband is from Hungary and grew up eating his mom’s paprikash. When we were first married, we lived in Arkansas and subsisted on Kraft mac n’ cheese and ramen to get by. One night, I pulled out a Hungarian cookbook and made paprikash for the first time to surprise him. He was so touched, even though it wasn’t great. When he took the first bite, he closed his eyes and said, ‘It tastes like home.’ Years later, we now have kids and visit Hungary every year to see his family. I read somewhere that eating food from your culture is like learning your identity one taste at a time. Now when we make Hungarian food here in the U.S., we tell our kids, ‘You’re remembering home tonight!’ We have a big mason jar of Hungarian paprika in our spice cabinet, and my daughter calls it the ‘home jar.’”
(Photo of Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong, 1952.)
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Comments
203 commentsA note for Feb 28th – the day of economic protest: while not spending any money might be a good protest for the entire economy, spending money at small, BIPOC, woman and LGBTQIA owned businesses helps to keep the most creative and vulnerable among us benefitting from our business. So spend small and spend deliberately and try to do it as much as possible…not only on Feb 28.
Amanda – I would ask that folks investigate small, BIPOC women and LGBTQIA owned businesses before spending ANY of their hard-earned funds. You would be surprised by how many of these businesses do not align to your world view, e.g., paying their employees a livable wage or treating everyone with dignity and respect! For many small business owners, their only belief system is the all might dollar! Therefore, it is irresponsible to assume that ALL BIPOC folks share your world view of empathy, diversity, inclusion, and belonging. I would ask that folks do their due diligence before putting down their cold hard currency! I state the above as someone that exclusively shops at small, sustainable women owned boutiques! Not everything that glitters is gold, it could just be pyrite!
From Australia https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGfQSh5TQhZ/?igsh=amxpN2NhYnBrcjE2
I am so excited to visit Title 9 in Pittsburgh! I grew up there and am visiting in March. Definitely on the list.
The Bess Kalb piece is striking and cuts straight to the heart. Thank you so much for acknowledging it in this space!
yes, agreed. Thank you Cup of Jo exactly for that – acknowledging and sharing Bess’s words. It is very meaningful to see it here.
Re the Blackout: what about Costco? They’re keeping wages high and sticking with their DEI initiatives. Of course they sell brands that aren’t, but I’m wondering if people are planning to pick and choose.
It’s a one-day blackout. Just plan your Costco run for another day.
I don’t know what the official line is, but I think the point is to show our power by withholding every last dollar possible on the 28th, from every big business.
My husband and I have long joked that the American people need a union that will bargain for us rather than all their corporate sponsors, so I’m interested to explore the People’s Union linked above.
Dear Cup of Jo community, This is a completely unrelated question, but I wonder whether anyone got pregnant after the age of 36-37? The thing is we already have 3 children (9, 7, and 5) . We can afford it, our house is big enough and we have stable jobs allowing me to take paid maternity leave and all of that. I’m just worried that something will go wrong and it will impact the life that we have now and especially the future of our existing children. I really thought our family would be complete after my youngest son was born, I actually wanted my husband to get a vasectomy then but we decided against it because he got scared, but I keep having this ache. My husband is undecided for the same reason (but would be on board if I was really convinced). I’ve had the ache for a while, but everyone in our environment assumed we were “done” and I tried to be convinced of that myself as well (because it was crazy and exhausting and chaotic in the first couple of years). I have so many friends who are having their first or second baby now and I never think it is risky for them, but somehow for myself – because I was already lucky enough to have 3 and my kids are older than theirs and therefore I feel older – I feel like it would be irresponsible for me to have another. Like why can’t I just be content with the three wonderful and loud children that I have? I worry that karma would get at me and hurt the future baby just because I’m being greedy. Maybe I’m also just feeling a little sad because they become more and more independent each day and I wonder where that leaves me. At the same time, as I said, all my friends are having babies now. I felt so lonely in the baby stage (because I was the only one in it at the time) and perhaps now I feel a little lonely in the post-baby stage as well. We would both be really happy if I got pregnant by accident. Unfortunately, it’s very hard to get pregnant by accident with the kind of contraception that I use. ;-) Has anyone else experienced this? What did you decide to do? Did the feeling ever go away?
Hi there, I’m 36 and just had baby #4. My other kids are 9 year old twins and a 4.5 year old. It’s a little different for me bc I’m modern Orthodox Jewish, so it’s very common to have 3-5 kids and for women to have kids from their 20s into their late 30s. But 100% I’m so happy that we have our fourth. My husband and I definitely have moments of “wow why are we entering the baby/toddler phases again”, but it’s more of a long term decision that we want a family of 4 kids, knowing that the short term is a bit tough. We talk about how in 3 years, life will be easier again :) Reading your post, it sounds like you’re looking for permission to have another. If that’s right – then I give you permission ;). I’m kind of kidding but also kind of serious. There’s no specific threat to you; like you said, many women have kids in their later 30s. And even younger women can face challenges; each pregnancy is “rolling the dice” in that way. And def talk to your doctor, but later 30s have a bit of increased risk but not much. I feel like any pregnancy journey is very vulnerable and even acary and maybe more scary to you because you’ve done it before. But just because it’s scary doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, if that’s what is calling to you. Best of luck xoxox
Ana, I can’t answer your question about whether you should have another baby or not. Maybe it would be a beautiful addition to your family, or maybe it would be a huge disruption and you should just sadly come to terms with the fact that there will always be a little longing there and maybe you can just quench your baby yearning via other means (NICU cuddling, adopting a kitten, babysitting those sweet babies your friends are having, e.g.). What I WILL say is that I’m in early pregnancy with my third right now, and feeling similar things to you re: karma/universal energy surrounding the pregnancy. Although I know it’s crazy, I’m just feeling like I’m “due” for a miscarriage or some other problem. I got pregnant super easily all three times and have never had pregnancy issues and I just feel like it’s my turn to have something messed up happen to me. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But that doesn’t mean something bad will definitely happen! Or if something bad does happen, it doesn’t mean it was the work of karmic forces! Regardless of whether you go for a fourth kid, I would try your hardest to repel the notion that universal forces will cause harm to it – that’s what I’m trying to do, anyway. I would try to make the decision based less on woo-woo vibes and more on the very real challenges presented with having another being to care for. But, solidarity on the worries. XO
Just sharing my perspective, knowing how unique and personal every individual and family is. Based on your age and your kids’ ages, we probably started having kids around the same time which was younger than anyone in my/our social group. We also did three back-to-back-to-back. Two out of our three were unplanned. Life felt very, very hard until my youngest was four, and then the ache started bigggg time for both of us. My husband had done a vasectomy so we knew that wasn’t an option. We spent about a year thinking on it, and we decided we were done. I immediately booked a kooky trip for all of us to Europe that would have been very hard with a baby/toddler, and for us, it was the thing that dulled our ache. Now that my kids are a little older (8,10,12), I do feel like three was probably a good call. They each do a sport and an instrument, and they are all very social. With practice, games, lessons, parties and sleepovers, our life is very full. I feel thankful I have the capacity to be present for the bulk of their games, performances, etc and am able to use my extra capacity to be active in their school (former teacher so I can volunteer for some juicier roles). That said, I do feel a bit of sadness when I see families with four+ kids out and about so not sure the ache ever goes away. Good luck!
Hi Ana, what a vulnerable post this is and I wish you clarity in your decision. Obviously nobody can say if your family is complete besides you, but I want to offer one insight as a parent with elementary school kids and one in middle school. Your kids need you in HUGE ways as they age. It’s fascinating to me that people often say things that indicate that once your kids are older, they need you much less (you didn’t say that, but I hear it often). Your kids will need you in more complicated ways, ways that make me feel grateful now that I’m not changing diapers and trying to get a baby down for naps all day because now it’s a mental challenge that requires me to fill my cup when my kids are at school so that I can be the best mom possible when they are with me. I highly recommend the book Hold Onto Your Kids, that explains how parental influence is more important even as kids age. Not to say, you can’t do all that with a baby but it’s something to keep in mind. I do also think social media completely romanticizes the baby years over the older years, though I’m not sure why. The cuteness? And I’m not sure the baby ache ever really goes away, no matter how many kids you have. Just food for thought. Best of luck with your decision!!
Hi Ana I can’t speak to your experience regarding having other children and how to make the decision, but I will say that I just delivered my first (and likely only) child at age 39.5. I got pregnant last spring relatively by (happy) accident with my partner and other than the usual nausea and aches and pains had a healthy uneventful pregnancy and delivery. I developed postpartum hypertension that has been well managed with medication, so that could be related to to age, but not necessarily. I guess all this to say, I don’t think your age precludes you at all! I hope you and your husband come to a decision that feels right for your family. Hugs from a tired mama in Chicago xx
I had my third baby at age 38. I have three girls and my older two were 10 and 7 when our little one was born. They are (about to be) 19, 16 and 9 now and our baby has been our family’s greatest joy. It can be challenging because I was more tired, and it is a bit harder to fit in with other families because of the big range, but altogether, she is the best thing that happened to the four of us. I had a friend who I asked the very similar question that you are before I decided to have another baby, and she said lovingly that each child is a risk, meaning no one knows how life is going to turn out. But love is love, and I believe more of it is always better. Best of luck with your decision!
Thank you so much for all the detailed responses. It really is very helpful to hear your different perspectives! Much food for thought and I’ve ordered the book Hold on to Your Kids that was recommended here. Also, Yael, I didn’t realise it until you said it but I guess I was looking for permission in a way. Really glad I opened up here. It’s strange how the internet sometimes feels safer than the people closest to you.
We had our fourth baby just days before I turned 39, after years of having the “ache.” At the time, our other 3 kids were 11, 9 & 6. I was concerned about the age gap between our youngest two, but they are best friends & I really don’t know what they would do without each other. That being said, we now have a high school, a middle schooler, a 5th grader & the youngest is in 4K. Most days feel like each of my limbs is being pulled in a different direction trying to meet each of them where they are. But I wouldn’t change the spacing if I had it to do again (& the “ache” is definitely gone). Follow your heart. I wish you & your family the best. 💕
Hi Ana! Oh my goodness it was so wild reading this comment because this exact thought consumes me daily. My husband and I have 3 boys (7,4,2) and it’s confusing because on one hand I feel so content and peaceful, I know I could be happy with us five the rest of my life. On the other hand, my heart aches for one more (and yes-for the possibility of a girl even though of COURSE I would be so beyond happy with a boy-do not come at me folks-haha) My little brother (the fourth child) has autism and I love him dearly AND it definitely impacted my parents life (he is extremely aggressive when he is upset and as a 6’4 30 year old man who is mentally 5 has almost killed my mom in the past on accident during a meltdown) Obviously there is some trauma there and obviously I still love and respect autistic folks on all ends of the spectrum but yeah. I worry-what if my desire for more ends up significantly changing or impacting the dynamic of our family. But am I going to make a decision on whether or not to have one more kid based on fear?? That wouldn’t feel right. I’m turning 32 this year and we’re still debating. No advice just solidarity 🫶🏼
You have so many comments I’m not sure you need one more, but I had #4 at age 35 so officially “advanced maternal age.” We did have a scare at the beginning which was very hard, but our oldest was born with some health challenges and I was only 26 when I got pregnant with her. In both cases the kids ended up fine! What I mostly wanted to say was that I also felt someone was missing with three- got pregnant by accident a month before a scheduled vasectomy (!) and now I definitely feel completely, 100% done having kids :). I wonder if I would have always felt that longing for another or if it would have gone away eventually? But it is nice to have complete certainty now (and we all adore our little guy, of course!).
I’m so grateful for all these comments and stories. I still haven’t figured out what to do of course, although posting it here did give me the courage to open up a serious conversation with my husband about this (instead of only bringing it up longingly after cute babies visited us when we were both soft). He seems to lean more towards “no” than I thought. Emotionally, I think he feels the same as I do, but he is generally governed by rationality more than emotion. He regrets not going for a fourth baby earlier, but feels it is too late now and that we need to make peace with that. I think the main takeaway is that nobody regrets having a fourth child and that if we decide not to go for it (which is likely considering how my husband feels), I need to find some other way to find fulfilment / to enjoy this next stage in parenting. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in feeling this sadness/longing, so thank you all so much. @Rae: it must be even harder to make this decision knowing the situation in your own family growing up. As your kids are younger (and you are also younger), I’d say: don’t wait too long to make up your mind as I do feel the decision gets harder to longer you wait. I hope the comments here also helped you a bit in the decision-making process.
Go see the Outsiders musical!! its PHENOMENAL. We went in January and it was so amazing. The level of dance athleticism makes me swoon every single time.
God bless people who volunteer to hold babies in the NICU. My girls were both born during COVID, both in the NICU for different lengths of time. My husband and I were humbled when we saw our privilege that we could be there with our daughters every single day, for 8 hours a day. We had jobs with paid leave, we had people to care for our other daughter, we only lived 10 minutes away. There were babies there whose parents didn’t have leave, who lived 3 hours away, etc. Due to COVID protocol there was no option for volunteers at that time. I wished we could have loved on all those babies.
YES to The Outsiders. When I was a teacher, I taught it to my Year 8 (twelve-year-old) classes and it was always a hit — even before we watched the movie! My own copy is covered in post-it notes and pencilled hearts. I adore the relationship between the Curtis brothers and marvel that Hinton was a teenager when she wrote it! You can tell, in the best way.
Love the idea of 24-hour economic blackout! Do report back please, hope it will be a big one!
Yes! And too be most effective please try to plan ahead and buy anything you need for Friday ahead of time. I.E.- Get a regular coffee the day before then reheat or ice it on your own Friday morning. We need to make a STATMENT.
Yes, Laura! Exactly. Already told my kids that Friday night take out pizza isn’t happening this week and adjusted meal planning to reflect that. We can do this!!!
Thank you for mentioning the Bibas children and thank you for giving space to a Jewish writer to talk about it. Every new part of the story that unfolded was worse and worse, including those aspects which were revealed over the weekend. My heart has been so heavy these days. Every Jewish mother had her heart in the darkest places over this news. The babies and Shiri deserved so much better.
agree. I’ve been so disheartened that so few have been speaking out about their demise. sending you love.
The NICU article, paired with the moving tribute to the Bibas children, struck a deep chord with me. I was in Gaza from February through June, volunteering in the NICU of a maternity hospital in Rafah. I’m not a physician—I coordinated and led medical missions—but while there, I wanted to be where I was most needed. That place was the NICU, where I held, changed, and fed newborns. It was surreal. I had given birth to my own child just the month before, so I was holding other people’s babies while deeply missing mine—some of those infants had already lost their mothers. I found myself grappling with how such cruelty could cast its shadow over lives so new. I left Gaza still navigating postpartum recovery, but now carrying the weight of newly acquired trauma—and I was only there briefly. My heart aches for everyone who has endured and continues to face violence, and for those whose lives will be forever marked by its memory.
Bless you. What a tender gift in the midst of such horrendous loss.
Dear Dot, you are brave and generous. I work in a context where young children die of hunger even on good year. They are not even counted. Loved by their families, brothers and sisters, the rest of world is oblivious of them. We had a famine in 2022/2023 and more than 70 000 people, 50% of them under 5, lost their lives. The rest of the world goes on complaining about their purchasing power. Please cry and mourn for those mothers and fathers, for those children that you have briefly met, love their memory and let their memory be a blessing to you. I can confirm they are as human as all of us, and they deserve as much as anyone else, memory, respect and dignity, to be loved. You are not alone grieving them and caring about them. With hugs and admiration.
Oh my gosh, Dot, thank you. That you left your own baby to take care of other babies- I am just so moved. It’s a lot that you have held and seen. It’s an ache and trauma that changes everything.
Thank you for taking care of our babies. May your own precious baby heal you with their love.
♥️ thank you
The essay of holding the NICU baby choked me up hard. My twins were in the NICU for a month (also in Boston!), no backstory like the child she bonded with, but leaving the hospital every day felt awful; it gave me some comfort that we signed up to have our children held by the incredible volunteers.
The Outsiders remains my favorite book of all time! Oh to be a young person reading it for the first time again! What I wouldn’t give! xx c
Please please please do not watch The Baldwins. No one should be profiting off of the loss of a mother, wife, daughter, friend, etc. And that is what they are doing. Imagine her husband knowing that the Baldwins are talking about how hard this situation is for them on reality TV while he has lost his wife. Its disgusting to me as someone who lost their husband at the hands of someone else. You just DON’T do it. It is not their story. It is the story of the Hutchins family.
I have not been able to stomach Alec Baldwin ever since I heard the phone call between him and his then 11 y.o. daughter where he angrily called her the B word. She was 11. And his daughter. This was over a decade ago I think. Lost all respect for him. And plus, everything Amy said.
Thoughts of solidarity to you, from Paris. The news from the US is shocking. From afar, it seems clear there is a coup d’Etat, but from the inside, would you realize it? Keep fighting and we are with you, esoecially this 8th of March for womens right. Love from Paris
Hi, Agnes. Yes, we realize it. Thank you for your concern and support.
Thank you so much Agnes !! I would say half us realize it. A good portion don’t or don’t care. Bernie Sanders is doing a cross country tour of the United States, his Fight the Oligarchy tour. I watched him speak from one of his stops, on You Tube. Mainstream media is not covering it, even though it’s pretty much the biggest resistance event happening right now. Thanks for thinking of us.
I get ads for Pepper on my Instagram all the time. My D-E cup boobs are not interested. It’s reassuring that the algorithm doesn’t know me that well after all :D.
About the Blackout on Friday. This is an international worldwide initiative. It isn’t just about Trump. It is about all the corporations and all the Oligarchs. Pretendin that it is about Trump stops the conversation about how we should be using our power collectively to create what we all want and need. The US is where it is not only because of Trump but because of both politcial parties being bought and paid for by corporations and the people not using their power or in many cases not knowing how to. It is about tech corporations destroying Congo for mineral resources, it is about weapons companies selling weapons to destabilise Sudan, it is about US backed genocide in Gaza, it is about saving food sovereignty in Mexico from GMO seeds, it is about two children freezing to death in Detroit and nobody talking about it, it is about Flint still not having clean water. It is about an endless war in Ukraine going from endless weapons sales to mineral theft as innocent working class people either die fighting to the last Ukrainian or live poor from land theft or mineral extraction. This is about reestabilishing the power of the people. It is to say that we will do this again and again everytime that we aren’t being served and considered. We need to make the first one hurt them so that they are afraid of the second or the third. There should be no spending on Friday. No necessities. Nothing. There also should be no social media on Friday. Stay off your tech. Your presence on social media is money for the tech companies. Putting an item in a cart and not buying it is still valuable information for the industry. Stay off it. Don’t post on Friday Joanna if you really want this to work. Don’t go to work. Don’t go to school. Don’t use your car. Rest. They have us constantly exhausted for a reason. This is the time when we have to show what our power actually looks like by withdrawing it. Don’t be half hearted doing it. Don’t expect to see results or that the results will ever be spoken about in the media. They are also owned by corporations. They won’t report the effect of our power. Just trust. They need us a lot more than we need them. We have each other. They have chainsaws.
Thank you Vivian! Yes, Joanna, will you post the weekend roundup on Thursday and write about why? xo
I understand the reason and background but to tell people to not go to work or school, come on. Guess what happens if I don’t go to work on Friday? I will certainly not purchase anything on Friday, right now one of the few areas where we might have some power is the power of the purse/credit card.
Very well said Vivian ! Thank you ! Going to share your obviously well researched comment with friends and family !
I mean, part of the reason why it’s so hard to sustain or compel large scale protests in the USA is because we can’t just not go to work, because work equals insurance and most states are now right to work states which means no union protections. It’s the system working as intended, sadly. Definitely won’t buy anything but I can’t skip work and hope to still have insurance for myself and my kid.
I recognise that not everybody can not go to work. I am writing what the International Blackout Movement has called for because we have to go as hard as we possibly can. LIke everything do as much as you can. If it is a choice that you can make then make it.
Thank you for remembering Ariel and Kfir Bibas, as well their mother Shiri, who were brutally abducted from their home in Israel by Palestinians and later in murdered in bare hands. It seems that the world doesn’t care. We need people to speak up, but not many do as it’s about Jewish lives.. So THANK YOU!
What happened to the Bibas family was horrific and tragic – that was done by Hamas, not the Palestinians.
Echoing Lind. Unthinkable horror, done by a terrorist group, not by an entire nation.
Thank you for acknowledging 🧡🧡🧡
I volunteered for the Cuddler program! Before COVID I volunteered for a food bank and I haven’t done anything since and this sound like a good way to get back into it. Thanks for the idea!
A few years ago, my friend delivered her son at 24 weeks. He spent the next few months in the NICU. She and her husband were lucky in that one of them could be with him at all times. Their jobs and managers were very supportive. So many others aren’t. From her, I learned about so many babies not having someone to be with them while their parents worked or took care of other kids or did whatever they had to do. Since then, I’ve known I want to volunteer at the NICU. It’s my retirement plan. It doesn’t hurt that holding babies is one of my favorite things in the world.
Thank you for mentioning the Bibas children. It’s been 500 days and it felt like only Jewish people were talking about them, or any of the hostages for that matter. I cried at work the day they identified their bodies and how they were killed, and my colleagues were thousands of miles away from even knowing what was happening – it just had not been on their radar.
I fully support the economic black out on 2/28, but I also think it will be a little bit empty if people just do it for one day. I think the best thing we can do it just to completely try to avoid buying things from amazon/other large corporations for the foreseeable future. I know this is a little easier for me (i live in Brooklyn) than for a lot of people, but isn’t good to try? We all existed before amazon, and I know that we can thrive without it. I am not talking about people who are really financially struggling, but many of us can afford to shop at local places instead (and just buy less things!) Sometimes these single day events feel a little bit performative.
Yep, I agree with every word of this!
This is something I’ve been trying to do to the best of my abilities, but it’s definitely hard while living in a semi-rural area. What it has forced me to do is just limit purchasing in general, which is a good thing as well. But I’m curious to hear from other people what their experiences are in less urban areas about boycotting (to the best of our abilities) big retailers who have embraced Trumpism. And what about social media? I’ve essentially stopped opening Instagram, because of F**kerberg, and I’m not on Facebook. What are people doing about that?
The problem is that a lot of these places which used to exist – the alternatives to Amazon – simply don’t exist anymore. In many areas local shops aren’t endangered but extinct. Amazon, through AWS also powers a lot of Internet shops. Challenging consumption is incredibly important but it’s also important to recognise how different the world is to pre-Amazon domination. I don’t know what the answer is. Shopping local is brilliant. But local shops are competing with so many issues, not simply footfall. I’m trying to shop less/more mindfully/buy it once (ie Sam Vimes philosophy) but it makes my heart ache that often there aren’t viable alternatives to Amazon.
In response to the comments about the difficulties “shopping local” in rural areas . . .yes. I live in a rural area with only one grocery store other than our Big Box Store. So I’ve decided to embrace the old “Don’t let good be the enemy of perfect” axiom. I have drastically reduced my spending at Big Box Store and, although I’m spending a little more, I’ve found that I’m not spending THAT much more when I shop the sales. It’s odd to think that careful meal planning to minimize waste/spending is an act of resistance, but here we are! I also realize I’m lucky to have the time and resources to shop local. It’s important that we realize some people don’t have that privilege.
It does feel performative, and not really painful to the problematic companies. I can easily shift my purchasing to the day before and after, and they’ll still make just as much money. While it’s likely I won’t spend anything on Friday anyway (my day off is Wednesday, so most of my chores and shopping happen that day), I’m doing my best to change my shopping habits overall to put my money where my mouth is. Not all at once, no hard rules, but just a general shift in a direction I hope will have an impact in the longterm.
Great to see Title IX in Pennsylvania! I also recommend checking out the Sports Bra in Portland, Oregon. It’s a fantastic sports bar 100% dedicated to women’s sports. https://thesportsbrapdx.com/
And Rough and Tumble Pub in Seattle! https://www.roughandtumblepub.com/
Yes to both of these! And here in the Bay Area keep an eye out for Rikki’s coming soon: https://www.rikkisbarsf.com/
Watch Me! in Long Beach, California.
A request! I’ve been reading through the city guides in preparation for a road trip we’re taking this summer. Please bring back city guides written by locals!
Hi Kay! Our wonderful contributor Alex Ronan is leading up this series again this year! We’re excited to share what she’s working on! x
Excited that these are coming back! I’m a writer and I’ve lived in DC for 15 years – would love to write a CoJ city guide for DC (especially given where we’re at politically and socially lately) if you’re looking for someone to do so!
Yay! Looking forward to this! Elizabeth, I would love to read your D.C. guide!
I can’t find the soup article?
It’s the Big Salad link! x
Trump doesn’t care about economic blackouts. He doesn’t care. This could hurt our local businesses.
And ppls jobs. The job loss can quickly become a domino. Mass confusion seems to be winning. There has to be a better way than job loss muscle.
Hi, Jill. I understood the economic blackout proposal was to support local businesses on that day, rather than purchasing through large corporate retailers. And my plan is to do so. I always prefer to buy local.
Jill and Hillary, I think it’s actually been explained pretty clearly: try not to use Amazon or another big box store for 24 hours.
Like Good Grief said, the goal is to shop local if you have to shop at all. Everything I’ve read about the economic blackout – and I’ve read a lot – is that this is a shot fired across the bow. The goal isn’t to punish employees at any of these companies. It’s to send a message to their CEOs, who are raking in billions and paying those employees starvation wages, that we are capable of upending the status quo they depend on by refusing to support them financially. Donald Trump and his whole twisted administration may not care about a one-day economic blackout, but if they ignore that warning shot? If there’s another, much longer blackout that starts to really cost some of his corporate allies some money and slow the economy that’s been steadily growing for the last 4-5 years? He’ll have to. These people are actively in the process of taking over our country. We should all be supporting our local businesses, yes, regardless of what’s coming next. But we can’t sit around and hope that Trump and the CEOs who enable him are just going to quit consolidating their economic and political power among themselves without some massive push back from all of us either.
@El, it’s the employees that get hurt not the bigwigs. I understand the intention for 24 hrs, I believe the wrong ppl will be punished for a lack of xyz.. I’m not that callus or clueless that boycotting hurts billionaires. WE created their success decades ago. It’s a global issue now.
Thank you for including that beautiful tribute to the Bibas family. Thank you Anna for expressing so beautifully what so many of us are feeling.
Perhaps CoJ and their US readers would consider taking a positive step amidst the planned blackout. How do we feel about organizing together around making a purchase from small businesses in Canada that would normally be obtained via retailers here in the States? I know it is short notice but if CoJ could do a roundup post with links to make it efficient, we can all do our part and lead the way with love. Doing something positive in the face of division would be a welcome opportunity right now. Open to alternative suggestions or ideas too, if anyone has some!
I would absolutely love to buy things from small (or really any!) Canada stores and business, but I don’t know where to begin. So I would love a list and/or suggestions on how to buy Canadian.
http://www.madeinca.ca
and while we are commemorating the lives of beautiful children who were loved, innocent and are mourned…https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jan/27/children-gaza-loved-remembered-innocent-mourn
Thank you for this Claudia. All these precious innocent children in Gaza break my heart and soul. We must never forgot this
Kfir, Ariel, Hind, Reem, Tariq, Sidra, and the thousands of other children lost to this tragedy, I hold them all in my hearts, and I mourn with their mothers.
PLEASE read this if you are excited about the economic blackout on Friday February 28th. I own Mood in Janesville, WI. It is a shop filled with brands that you won’t find at big box stores. Stationery, gifts and home decor all curated by me. I have a website and offer free shipping over $100 purchase. February has been absolutely brutal for sales. It’s been really cold in Wisconsin, which accounts for some. But I so desperately need every sale I can get through the end of the month. As you (and I!) focus on avoiding large corporations on the 28th, may I ask that you make an EXTRA effort to purchase something from a locally owned business, bonus if that is a retail shop, and especially if that retail shop values fair trade, sustainability, and woman/BIPOC/LGBTQ+ owned small makers.
If I purchase anything on 2/28 it will be through a local business.
Love this Becka – thank you for your perspective! I, too, am a small business (I do coaching and leadership development so unlikely to be impacted in the same way by this blackout) but as a woman-owned small business, I really try to lift up my peers in this space. Drop a link – and anyone else who runs a small biz!! I’d love to bookmark you all for my shopping needs.
Yes! This was my first thought. Thank you for articulating the need.
Becka- your shop is so FUN! Just bought several things to make my daughter and I smile. Thanks for fighting the good fight!
Thanks for posting! Some members of my husband’s extended family live in Janesville, although I’ve never been. Bought some things I need in the upcoming months – cute cards and gifts!
Everyone, here’s Becka’s company’s link: http://www.moodjanesville.com This is not only a Feb 28 thing for me. I’m spending less and buying from local stores as much as I can possibly can now. We need to keep our local people employed!! My friends and I are ditching Amazon Prime. We found we can still get free shipping with $35 and we spend a lot less money all around. If you are a participant of aligned shopping here’s another reminder for http://www.goodsuniteus.com
wow thank you everyone, for kind comments and *ORDERS*!!!
Dee Dee from PNW here, I just recently shut down my Amazon account and am looking for places to buy gifts and your store is perfect! Will share with my friends too. Thank you!
I don’t really have the words except to say thank you COJ for sharing the heartbreaking tribute for the Bibas children. Sending thoughts of love and healing from Canada.
Grieving for all the children killed in this insane war. Peace for everybody.
My daughter is in 7th grade and they read The Outsiders in English class this year, they loved it but the best part was they watched the movie at the end of the unit and all developed crushes on Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, etc!! Joanna, since you are in NYC, you should take Anton to see the new Outsiders musical! We are hoping it tours soon so we can see it!
I was never assigned to read it growing up but now I want to as an adult! I learned a lot about it just from listening to Rob Lowe’s first memoir (which I strongly recommend as his voice is smoother than SILK) where he reflected a lot on his experience filming the iconic movie. I really want to get up to NYC to see the musical, too!
whoa I didn’t realize there was a musical! thank you so much for the tip!
The Outsiders Musical is new! The mudic is lovely (my daughter sang a duet from it for the winter concert) and everyone i know who has seen it says it exciting to watch on stage! They rumble in the rain! My kid is desperate to see it.
This morning, as I was thinking about life decisions, Kim Rhodes came to mind. I think about her posts often when I contemplate my own life decisions. I decided to google her name to see if there were any health updates (which is maybe a bit wierd) but I am glad I did because I saw that in October her friend and former COJ illustrator shared a good news update in the comments along with this link to donate to her continued care. I am leaving this here because I am sure that there are many more COJ readers who would love to support Kim & her family in this journey. https://helphopelive.org/campaign/24212/
thank you, Gretchen!
Excited to look at Pepper some more! But the first thing that caught my eye on the home page: lift up bras. Sigh. Like, can we just not? Women with small breasts are done trying. The relentless push to make our bodies into something they are not and will not be without major surgery is exhausting. Maybe I’ll just stick with nipple covers and ignore bras altogether.
oh a lot of their bras don’t have lift, it’s up to each person!
I’m so curious where these 1,000 games of ping pong are! If you haven’t been to SPIN yet, it’s a franchise in several cities including NYC. I love how you don’t have to chase after the balls. Ping Pong has been so much fun for our family!
oh that’s really fun! we actually have a ping pong table in our basement (we got it as a family christmas gift and it was the best decision ever). I am excited to check out SPIN!
I would read a weekly recap of The Baldwins, because it sounds fascinating but I’m certainly not watching it.
🧡🧡🧡
Hello folx, I know we are doing an economic boycott on one day, February 28. I did some research that if we were to do a one week economic boycott where we spend nothing (or very, very limited), the impact to the US economy would be seismic. That was the word that was used. Seismic. Personally, I am refusing to spend any money, every single day, at all retailers who have supported Trump or donated to him, or have abolished DEI policies. I know there are others doing the same. I think we really need to use our platforms to coordinate an organize more economic boycotts. I think about what my grandparents went through during the depression in New York City. I think about what my grandparents went through during World War II. Economic boycotts are so effective and require very little of us while accomplishing a lot. Moreover, it’s a great way to save money during a chaotic time. I hope that everyone is avoiding Target, Amazon, Walmart, Home Depot, Ace Hardware, and others. I’ve noticed on BlueSky that a lot of people are frozen as a trauma response. They are helping Trump by reposting his shock & awe campaign. I’ve noticed that Democrats historically feel most comfortable intellectualizing and trying to think their way out of things. We need to stop reposting the trash and despair from the people who are trying to destroy our country. We need to break out of the freeze response. What is going on is traumatizing. The last thing we need is to keep recycling the trauma. If everyone would post action ideas, we would have a far more effective resistance. There is a video of an incredibly strong teacher at a town hall, speaking to their representative in Congress. He stood up and told his representative that the red line has been crossed and reminded everyone that the other side is not abiding any protocols. The gloves need to come off to save our country. As a former government and constitutional law teacher, there is no one better to listen to than teachers. Teachers know what happened to students during Trump‘s first term. They really understand the stakes. When I heard this fellow teacher stand up and say it’s time, it made me cry. He is so right. We need to force our representatives to follow the model of John Lewis and get ready to get in good trouble. And, we can back them up. We need to be ready to get into good trouble. Let’s try to do what each of us are able to do given all of our unique circumstances. Please do economic boycotts, if you are able to. Please show up at town halls if that feels safe to you.
Every time I read or hear something about Palestine/Israël I feel devastated. The situation was really complicated before, but now, as humanity, how do we stop this, how do we try to set up the possibility for a better future for the children and people living on this territories ? And a future at all ? A place to live, with dignity and security ? I know we won’t solve geopolitical problems here, but had to share after reading the piece of Bess Kalb and the comments in here. Also, I loved the piece about cuddle volunteers, I would LOVE to do that, but I’m not sure it happens in my country. But I was a bit surprised about the way its handled. Maybe we don’t have all the informations here, but for volunteers to not be allowed to have informations about the situation of the babies, to not be able to say goodbye, … It feels like sciences of attachment are not taken enough into account here, but maybe we just don’t have all the in and outs of this program.
Maïa, I found this article really helpful: https://www.dissentmagazine.org/online_articles/a-response-to-joshua-leifer/
Thank you so much El! I loved it even if it was not easy to read as English is not my first language. I really struggled and took time to find “right words” when I made this commentary. Reading this I understand why, and can see better how and why we’re all stuck in communication dead ends. I wish more people would read it and take it into account.
Crickets. Wouldn’t that be nice? Empty parking lots? It’s a dream, but worth a shot. Thanks for the suggestions here: no stocking up the day before or rushing out the next day, just treat it as a normal weekend with no shopping on Saturday. Also – stay off the computer, for just one day (ATW) – good advice! I remember way back in 1979 standing outside on a freezing, snowy Thanksgiving night holding a candle for 106 seconds (I believe) for the hostages in Iran. It was cold, there were four of us, it wasn’t easy but we did it. It was my first real Act, and I will never forget it; it was small, but it meant so much to us – we did Something in a situation where we were really powerless. At least this weekend we are not powerless, we con do Something.
I was glad to read about the February 28 boycott here, although as the article suggests, it’s difficult for one day (which many will muddle by overbuying before or after) to make a lasting impact. I will still participate though! Since the inauguration, I have been inspired by reading people’s no spend 2025 commitments and stories! Every dollar we spend in this economy is a vote, and while I am avoiding Amazon (canceling the prime membership really helps break the habit) and certainly won’t be buying a tesla, I feel motivated to starve the machine that these guys are counting on all of us to continue to fuel. Of course I want to buy the black turtleneck from the big salad issue and a babaa sweater with the CoJ discount code in March, but truthfully, I can more than get by with my current wardrobe (and car, and home decor, and kitchen gadgets, etc) this year, and maybe for another 3 after that! Women have so much buying power in this country and I feel inspired to think that if we boycotted except for groceries (at smaller, more local food sellers), we could all be better positioned financially to face whatever is being unleashed and we would diminish any gloating from the men at the top. I know smaller businesses count on their customers, but if I am honest, I mostly shop at huge retailers for everything I buy. Rethinking these easy clicks into my shopping cart and having to seek out local sources for shoe repair, tailoring/mending, etc, will help my local economy in the long run. We have more collective power than we think, we just have to be awake and intentional. Sending strength!
That shower scent… it turns out that my 8-week pregnant (shhh, nobody knows), smell-sensitive nose is so sensitive that I can’t even read about fragrances. Yikes, what a funny side effect!
Congratulations! Your secret is safe with us :)
Thank you so much for commemorating the Bibas family. It’s a ray of light in this dark time.
Get ready to talk about race with the Gone with the Wind references in The Outsiders! A good opening to think about what Toni Morrison called an “Africanist presence” in American literature since GWTW becomes key to how the main characters understand themselves. I’m curious how the new play handles this, too.
Thank tribute is such an important share. It is so hard to have a lovely weekend in the face of such madness. It was the only thing I read from this post and so vital.
Thank you for mentioning the Bibas children. Thank you.
Love all of your posts and love this link. I could not be more upset or disturbed with what the current “administration” has done to dismantle our government. I’m not comfortable with this economic blackout, though because I have many friends who are small business owners, or who work in retail. People who are really struggling. Aren’t these the people who will suffer as a result of this economic blackout? Not the wealthy individuals in the administration who don’t care about the rest of us. I’m open to correction here. What am I missing?
Most people with the blackout are saying to not buy from the billionaires but to support your local businesses if you need to buy at all. We are ALL being harmed currently by the billionaires, by our rampant consumerism, etc. Money is power and witholding money is making a powerful statement—don’t support the large businesses that have overwhelmed us.
Thank you for sharing about the Bibas children. We are absolutely gutted and there are truly no words, yet somehow Bess Kalb captures it all. 🧡🧡🧡
i second that! May their memories be a blessing
I fully support everyone finding bras/bathing suits that fit, but as someone who is a 30F, it mostly feels like every bra/swimsuit is made with smaller chests in mind or larger breast with largest ribcages. Woe is me, but the cup always spileth over
Girl I feel that as a 34DD/F so can only imagine.
I’m your physical inverse. All the ribs, a truly nominal amount of boobs. And I feel you. We all deserve well-fitting, beautiful, functional clothes.
I am also a 30F, and I have the Hunter top in DD from L*Space. It is not perfect, but fits the best of all bikinis I’ve tried!
Same girl same. 32G over here. Any recs are welcome.
I’ll be honest, I also would not have thought that people with small boobs would have a hard time finding nice things, as someone who’s like a 38GG. But I suppose it just shows that it’s easy to always think the other side has it much easier!
Anne, I feel you! I’m only a 32C, and I’ve had bra specialists tell me THAT is minimally stocked because it doesn’t sell. I can just imagine the hassle you must go through! I know that bodies come in a million (gorgeous) shapes and sizes, but it would be so lovely if we could all get a perfect bra, every time.
Exactly!! I wish there were more options as well :(
I am in a similar boat! 28F here, and it’s *so* hard to find a bathing suit that is supportive enough. I’d love any suggestions. I got the Athlete triangle tankini and bikini for D-DD cups last summer, and they’re pretty decent. The zig-zagging with the strings in the back allows me to tighten it up as much as needed.
SAME!!! small ribcage, huge boobs. Impossible.
Yes!!! My daughter is a a 30G and it is truly impossible! If y’all have any favorite bra or suit recs for this size please share!
Bravissimo!!
I can relate! I do like swim tops made by Panache! Check them out!
Switch to rash guards, like me! The zip front ones are super sexy and easier to take off, plus, instant sunscreen. Once you get used to them they are so liberating! Alternatively, the beach town I used to live in had a genius shop on main street where the owner made custom tailored bathing suits. You could get just the top if you wanted and match your own bottoms. But I’m sure there are others! The internet is your friend : )
Here’s a cute one: https://poshmark.com/listing/Sexy-Zip-Front-Printed-Half-Sleeve-Rashguard-Brand-new-1-piece-bathing-suit-164-615f71083a0db98a422c2119
Right?! What beautiful, trendy, chic swimsuit isn’t made for those with small boobs?
Anne, girl I know the feeling!! Form and Fold have the best bathers, bit pricey but they actually fit us girls with smaller bands and larger cups!
As a 32G, I heartily recommend Left on Friday! Their line of tops designed for big boobs has worked well for me.
Form and Fold are pretty good.
Bra fitting totally sucks. When I find one that works I keep buying and wearing them till they go out of stock, and eventually my bras all die at the same(ish) time. Current favourites are in old age as they went out of stock in 2018 or 2019…. Might this be a good place to start hunting again for you? https://doorsixteen.com/2020/04/15/my-favorite-bra/
So I used to be a 30DD, then I had kids and breastfed for years and years, and now I am a 28D (but they look tiny in clothes!). Which is really like a 32B per the math, but that doesn’t fit me at all. Nothing does! I’ve been wearing these sad stretched out crossover underwire-less bras for years, and don’t really know what else to do….
Alas, me too. I am otherwise petite but I have a 32 DD chest and I am soooo jealous of those of you with an A or B cup!
Amen Anne! 32G here, I want to wear a bikini, but it’s hard to find a top that fits and doesn’t look like a weird “swim bra”
Check out Left on Friday suits! They are amazing and they have “big boob” tops are fit beautifully. I have a few now and I love wearing them – they are very flattering and keep everything in! https://ca.leftonfriday.com/collections/big-boob-tops
I hear you! I really like Bravissimo Check their website out. They have a really big range of band and cup sizes and their customer service is really, really good. They do bras, swim etc It’s the only bikini ive felt safe in and contained but still cute. My size is 28 and I’ve been so uncomfortable in bras for my huge boobs for years, so I feel your pain!
I know! Like you, so pleased for people to have options, but it did make me smile – kind of as though there was a special link for size 8 women or people with completely average size feet. My larger boob size is the bane of my shopping existence! Thanks for the recs for Left on Friday – their stuff looks lovey.
Aerie has great budget options, both underwire and triangle (which is clutch for small band plus large cup plus side boob girls like me) and they also have high waisted bottoms that are so cute and comfortable.
Ana D., me too! There’s small boobs (by which people often mean A and B, which aren’t too hard to find bras for) and really small, which bra companies don’t provide well. I want my mosquito bite boobs (well, mostly the nips) covered and smoothed too, without always resorting to sports bras and bralettes. I really want a bra I don’t have to wrestle over my head and then readjust the stupid removable pads. Why can’t AAs (smaller than an A) have clasps and sewn in pads too? Also, my itty bitties are wide set on my chest, not close together, which adds to the challenge. Not to mention the frustration of shaped and darted dresses and shirts where I could easily carry spare grapefruits for a snack in the overabundant breast areas. Woe to all of us who aren’t quite “standard” size…
Thanks for sending out the pepper swimsuits! I just got two summersalt suits last year, and they still feel a little big in the chest. I’d also like to mention the brand Neiwai, which is a Chinese brand (that I discovered when I was in NYC) suited for smaller chested women. I’ve been a huge fan, and just purchased a sports bra that I’m excited to use.
I adore neiwai bras. So soft and they got me through pregnancy and breastfeeding adjusting to my fluctuating size
Before my kids were born – almost 20 years ago – I was on bed rest in the hospital for a month. It was a quad room, three of us together for months and the bed beside me rotated. It was a wild cast of characters. The mother who worked on her laptop until she was wheeled away for a C-section. The mother who skirted nurses to get wheeled down for a smoke, in front of the hospital (I was so envious – not for the cigarette but for the time in fresh air even if that air is the smoking section in front of an urban hospital). The mother who had to give up her baby. My kids (twins) were born 9 weeks early and spent 6 weeks in the NICU. Every day, I’d see that baby who had to be left behind across the hall from mine when I visited (all day, home for dinner, back again). I tried to convince my husband we should adopt her (he wisely said no because – we already had infant, preemie twins). I used to think about that baby every day, then weekly and now only occasionally like when I read that beautiful Modern Love piece. I hope she is well and having the most wonderful life with parents who were so fortunate to raise her. 🩷
Omg Sara this story! And the way you wrote it. Welling up at the breakfast table right now.
I hope so too. xoxo
Thank you for mentioning Ariel and Kfir, I’ve been so torn up about them for a long time and over the recent news. I hope their mother can come home soon too and that she is at peace
Yes, thank you so much for sharing the article about Kfir and Ariel Bibas. It means so much to be recognized and seen on here with this. Truly heartbroken
When your joy is to cuddle resonates with me. There are many opportunities to volunteer with young children and believe me nothing brings more joy to life than spending time with them. I’ve been volunteering in a Head Start program for several years and daily face the worry that funding will no longer be available, along with the threat of deportation. As an antidote to the horror that is our current administration I can find joy daily in their purity, their honesty, their zest for life. I will step in to protect them and their families however I can.
Oh I loveee the NICU article. My 3rd baby was in the NICU for 4 months having been born at 24 weeks. I was not able to be with her 24/7 as I had littles at home and needed to get home everyday to see them and sleep without beeping machines. I can’t wait to get to volunteer to hold babies one day. My little baby turns 7 on Sunday and I could not be more grateful for how far she has come.
A warning about Pepper, which is that they seem to push their customers into bands that are too big/cups that are too small 😕 I suffered with two Pepper bras for a year before finding the A Bra That Fits subreddit and recalculating my size. I’m now in a dramatically different size and MUCH more comfortable!
I came here to recommend A Bra That Fits! Pepper seems to really be capitalizing on small-chested women not knowing that they probably just need a smaller band size. I grew up wearing a 34B but I’m actually more like a 30D – I just had no idea that anyone even made band sizes smaller than 34. Basically, knowing that your band size should be close to the actual measurement under your breasts was revelatory for me! And that your cup size is basically the difference between band and breast measurements. They have a calculator that does the work for you and some passionate posters who can answer questions you have about bras and sizing.
I have been told so many times I need a smaller band size but it hurts me and leaves marks in my skin. I am fortunate to have smaller breasts and have only worn bralettes or sports bras for the last six years. I’ll never go back! Naked underwear is my favorite but I’m also fine with Hanes. I don’t want to be pinched and squeezed. Life is too short!
I grew up thinking I was a 32b or 34a. Nothing ever fit quite right. Now, anytime I need new bras, I go to Nordstrom and the sales lady helps. They are so good. Over the years, the sizes change even though I’ve been the same weight for 30 years. I’m currently a 30c. Who knew!?! I don’t have a lot of flesh in my upper breasts. Until I was properly fitted, my bras almost always gaped at the top.
This comment is everything, thank you! I have been debating Pepper for myself and my 14-year old daughter. I’ve been Third Love and “fine” with them for years, but have never been wow’d by a bra experience, ever. I’ll check out “A Bra That Fits” for us both!
Plan ahead, buy nothing on the 28th. Not gas, not groceries. If you must, buy from small, locally owned businesses. As Steven King said, “money’s the only thing these dicks understand.” And of course, one day doesn’t change it all. Stingy with corporations, generous with nonprofits and small businesses. Ordering a local pizza tonight, gave to the FL House candidates, and haven’t spent a penny on Amazon since before the inauguration. We can all do something!
My Amazon account has also laid dormant. It’s actually freeing because I know if it’s not available outside Amazon, I just don’t need it!
Absolutely this! We can vote with our money every single day. It’s the only language they seem to understand.
Me too. I now realize Amazon was a huge clutter source. Filling our home with east to buy but not needed items. Endless packaging and boxes. Am also using bing instead of google and Costco. Never shopped Walmart.
agreed – i’ve just been not buying anything but necessities since the inauguration. it’s very freeing and allows me to control something that’s actually in my control – my own finances. with so many people losing their jobs, it’s a good step.
The Vogue article – ha! I won’t be watching pseudo-Spaniard Hillary from Boston unless Billy and China show up. The Outsiders – I read it back in high school because the school banned it. Currently banned in some school districts in my state; some things don’t change.
Thank you so much for mentioning the cruel unfolding saga of the Bibas family- 3 generations of a family wiped out on Oct 7 and in the days since, the unimaginable psychological and physical torture that they have endured and that the father will endure for the rest of his life. Almost every Jewish mother I know is feeling this loss on a personal/familial level- that could have been us, that could have been our child, people want to murder us and torture us and dance over our dead bodies in the streets. It is hard not to feel afraid, to feel protective of our children and our communities, especially when none of this seems to be registering in the same way with our non-Jewish friends and neighbors. And I feel compelled to add, because I know that I will get some ‘whataboutism’ responses here- my heart has broken so many times over in this conflict, for all of the mothers and children who have died and been displaced, and been raised to hate and fear each other. I want safety and security and dignity and freedom for Palestinian children as much as for Israeli children. And I believe that their wellbeing is fundamentally intertwined.
Perfectly said.
Echoing Allie’s perfectly said.
Amen. Absolutely.
Thank you for saying it so perfectly Anna! And thanks Joanna and team for acknowledging. My heart is broken and I can’t stop hugging my baby thinking about what it means to be Jewish right now. Sending love to all those who are hurting.
I came to make a comment along the same lines but I could have said it better than Anna did. Thank you for seeing us, your Jewish readers Jo.
*Couldn’t have said it better
Beautifully captured, Anna.
Echoing all the same. It feels good to be seen. These words and comments resonate. This means a lot. May our world know peace, may our children know peace, amen amen amen. Shabbat shalom ❤️
Beautifully said, Anna.
Wow. YES.
Thank you
Amen 🖤
Absolutely. Amen.
Big Salad gift link isn’t working. Just going to Substack, not the newsletter. Eek.
So sorry, Susan! It’s working for me when I open it in a private window — is it working for others or no? We will try to troubleshoot!
It’s not working for me either – goes to Substack with an X in the middle of the screen. The link to Bess Kalb’s heartwrenchingly beautiful Substack piece worked perfectly well though so I think it’s specific to Big Salad. P.S. all my love to the Jewish and Palestinian babies, children, teenagers, mothers, fathers, and humans suffering through these horrors. May we ever strive for a world where all are safe and free. 💔
Same for me. Tried on my phone & computer and neither worked.
Not working for me either!
Thank you for mentioning Kfir and Ariel Bibas. Completely devastated.
I’m so excited to read the baby cuddling article! That’s what I plan to do when my young kids are a little older and I have more free time. I remember talking about it with the mother/baby ward social worker when I was an intern in a hospital, and it just sounded like the most fulfilling, loving service.
Gotta give big props to the OG women’s sports bar, Sports Bra, in Portland, OR and the 2nd, Rough & Tumble, in Seattle. Love to see it take root on the East Coast but these folks have really blazed some serious trails!
Thank you!! As a Portlander, came here to mention the Sports Bra! Glad the concept is spreading!!
Shout out to A Bar of Their Own in Minneapolis !!
Came here to mention the same! I’ve not been to Sports Bra but it’s on my list. I love that Seattle has Rough and Tumble.
We’ve got one in Minneapolis too, A Bar of Their Own. I love seeing the list grow!
February 28th is my birthday so I also ask, as a gift, please participate in the blackout!
I’m in, and will spread the word.
It’s my son’s birthday too, and we’re doing a birthday party for him on Saturday and I am worried I might need to buy something on Friday that I will have forgotten.. but I will try hard! Happy birthday!
Oh, that Bess Kalb piece, one of the most moving things I have ever read. Her writing is extraordinarily moving. Thank you for sharing it.