Have a Restful Weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? My boyfriend Freddie just met my dad and brother, and we were both so nervous beforehand. Thankfully it went really well. Hope you have a good one — take gentle care of yourself — and here are a few links from around the web…
Inspired by these spring outfits: French girl + monochrome + pink pop.
Hell is other people chewing, haha. (NYMag)
Oooh, should we invite ourselves over to Dan Pelosi’s colorful house for dinner?
Why we can’t stand being bored. “In one study, nearly half of participants left alone for 15 minutes with no stimulation chose to have an electric shock.” (The Guardian)
We just made this chicken bean soup, and it was very easy and delicious.
Also, a no-recipe salad that’s perfect for a busy evening.
The boys and I have been watching Fresh Off the Boat. Have you seen it? We’re really enjoying the show so far.
This spring trend feels like a breath of fresh air. (Big Salad)
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Johana on 10 surprising parenting tips: “I’m a teacher, and one of my duties is supervising parent pickup after school. It can be kind of a drag, especially in the winter, but I like to watch the parents as they inch up in their cars and then finally make eye contact with their kid. It’s a little joy every time.”
Says Kirby on 10 surprising parenting tips: “One of the best tips I received was from another parent: ‘Get the babysitter for a Sunday morning, then go take a walk and grab breakfast.’ GOLD. The teenager down the road would come over, and I could swim in summer, and I could hold my husband’s hand, and we could talk. It also cost less because most of the time we just walked, and we truly felt recharged.”
(Photo by Boris Jovanovic/Stocksy.)
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Comments
108 commentsDan Pelosi’s house is gorgeous! I love his quote at the end of the article–“many grandmas live in this house.” I want to be his friend so I can soak up that space IRL!
Fresh Off the Boat is good but Eddie Huang’s books are AMAZING. He’s my absolute favorite contemporary writer. He started a substack as well that (other than the very detailed sports betting issues) are must reads.
thank you for this recommendation!
I am so good at climbing into my brain that they worriedly asked me if I was okay during a MRI, I had been so quiet and still. Like yea, babe. I’m fine, just dissociating a little. But I might go for shock out of curiosity.
My husband and I just finished the Ted Danson show “A Man on the Inside” and loved it. We laughed, we cried, it was just lovely :)
Such a good feel-good show.
Loved this show!!! Perfect for people who love Brooklyn 99 and other Mike Schur shows.
Agree! What a lovely show.
They filmed some of the exterior stuff in front of my friend’s building! It’s a lovely show.
I made sheet pan nachos last night and when I went to add the black beans, I remembered one commenter’s advice – smash them a bit first so they don’t roll all over the place. Thank you commenter! It truly helped.
Oh Dan P’s house is absolutely the most gorgeous comfortable home I have seen in a long time on the internet. Warm, inviting, comfortable, lovelty and so dreamy with color which shows his personality. I want those pink chairs!
https://www.friendshipbenchzimbabwe.org/ Inspired to create a Friendship Bench? I am. Now more than ever.
While I agree that people struggle with boredom and being alone with their own thoughts, has anyone considered that some people pressed the electric shock button just because they were curious what it felt like? I’m actually pretty comfortable with sitting alone with my thoughts, and I would have pressed that button immediately, because where else would I be in an environment where I could experience what an electric shock felt like while knowing that it was a safe voltage that wouldn’t actually harm me? Am I just…a masochist lol?
Having accidentally touched an electric fence before, it would take way, way longer than 15 minutes for me to want to find ou what pressing that button feels like 😅 Coming in contact with that fence made me feel sick in a way I won’t forget. I’d be much too afraid that the shock in the experiment was similar.
This would be me, also. I am comfortable being bored, but YOLO.
Stacey, I appreciate this point! I know I wouldn’t, just because it reminds me of the ECT that my grandmother received, without her consent, as an attempt to cure her severe depression. But that’s just my personal hangup! Many other mild-risk activities that I could try under a professional’s supervision? Sure!
One interesting facet is that the subjects had all been previously shocked and agree that they would pay a fee to prevent being shocked in the future.
I’m with you 100%! I’ve inadvertently touched some electric wire fences as a kid growing up on a farm so I already have a decent idea, but I’d be curious what level of voltage they’d consider reasonable in an experiment like this. Would it be stronger than those wires? Or in an effort to be “safe”, would it be a lesser zap? Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back haha
Haha! This is so funny. I didn’t even think about this.
Yay! I’m sorry it was for a sad reason that you and Freddie went to Cornwall, but I’m so happy that you guys did a trip abroad together! and met the family!!! That seem like big steps in a relationship! maybe it’s too early to think about, but down the line, – do you see yourself getting married again? or having another wedding? From a selfish perspective, I would die from happiness getting to see and read about it – it would be like hearing about a dear online friend’s marriage and wedding – but of course I hope you guys just do whatever you are most comfortable and happy with! Rooting for you!!!
I wish I could send you a picture of my baby falling asleep on my lap in our rocking chair, it’s the definition of “restful.” Also, some good news to start the weekend – I have to think the COJ had a part to play in this: Lawmakers flooded with calls about Elon Musk: ‘It is a deluge on DOGE’ https://wapo.st/3WQ27cW “Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) said the Senate’s phones were receiving 1,600 calls each minute, compared with the usual 40 calls per minute.”
Re: boredom—I could happily lay down anywhere and do absolutely nothing for 15 minutes. BUT, omg, my curiosity about the shock would win out. I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else! I don’t know if that’s an accurate experiment. Unless they weeded out the obsessively anxious people 😂
Interestingly, it says that the participants had a sample of the shock before the experiment began — so they did know what it felt like.
Love Dan Pelosi’s kitchen! Sad the most of the remaining links were articles where you have to pay to read them.
I need an idea of a show to watch with my 9 year old daughter. She’s bright and mature, and doesn’t like any ‘kids’ shows I try to suggest. She loves baking shows like ‘nailed it’, but otherwise just wants to watch YouTube, which I’m a little wary of. Any appropriate but fun shows to watch together? I don’t mind some swearing or complicated topics, but want something mostly funny, and not sexual or violent.
Great British Baking Show? If you have access to PBS All Creatures Great and Small is family friendly (and based on the books, aka the central character’s autobiographical writings). Also “the great American Recipe” is another fun PBS cooking competition.
I need these exact recs, too! (My daughter is also 9.) We have actually been watching Beast Games together, which tbh I kind of opposed on principle (really don’t like YouTube/YouTubers at all), but my daughter watched the first episode with her cousins and everyone loved it. It’s a very fascinating look into human behavior/beliefs around money and it’s started some good conversations. And it’s clean. I’d love to be able to watch some scripted shows with my daughter (I’m not a huge fan of unscripted), but I’m wary of a lot what’s out there, even “family” stuff, because a lot of times those types of shows (like Modern Family or something) have innuendos that my daughter doesn’t understand, but still picks up on and then interrogates endlessly haha. She’s gotten really into Nick, Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn on Netflix and tbh it’s actually pretty funny sometimes, so I can handle watching it with her. We also watched Doogie Kamealoha MD for a while, but some of the storylines were too mature imho. It was still fun though.
My 7 yo enjoyed The Inbestigators on Netflix – kid detectives. Both 7 and 10 got into American Ninja Warrior Kids and adult. It’s YouTube, but Mark Rober’s squirrel maze (he does Crunch Labs for kids) was a big delight for us all to watch. That particular one may have a few adult innuendos but it skimmed past my kids.
My 8 year old loves Myth Busters, Lego Masters, and Survivor. And if we have HGTV on just to have some background noise, he will settle on the couch and give us all his opinions on renovations and decor. Netflix had a kid’s version of the Great British Baking Show that was… great!
Great British Baking Show, Great British Sewing Bee, Great British Throwdown, School of Chocolate, Lego Masters, Mythbusters, Taskmaster. These are shows we watched as a family for 20 years of Friday pizza nights.
Maybe LEGO masters?
forwarding from commenter, Justine’s comment below: “Izzy’s Koala World on Netflix. it’s a docuseries about a tween girl and her parents who run a koala rescue on an island off Australia. It’s SO soothing and wholesome.”
If she likes baking shows, she might enjoy “Is it Cake?” on Netflix. My 8 year-old daughter picks that almost every time she has the opportunity to watch a show.
Me and my 9 year old are really enjoying Reluctant Traveller with Eugene Levy
On Kirby’s comment: we started doing this and love it. It takes the pressure off to Have a Date and spend lots of money. One time, my husband and I just went to our local park to shoot some hoops. It’s been like 20 years since I played “Horse” but it was so much fun. The day date is where it’s at. It makes me remember the unstructured fun we had before becoming parents.
Dan Pelosi’s house!!! Move-in ready for me!
I do have to say that lately a lot of the links have been to substacks that I am sure a lot of readers don’t subscribe to. I am a big salad subscriber, but I don’t have an unlimited amount of money, and I cannot subscribe to everyone’s. I already pay for NYT, NYT Cooking, the Atlantic, etc. Maybe next year I will swap big salad for another blogger’s substack. Please try to add up the costs of yearly subscription of all the links you’ve posted so far this year, and see for yourself.
hi! when we link to other people’s substack newsletters, we always link to free issues. So, if we link to an issue, you will always be able to read the whole thing without paying anything. hope this helps! xo
If you need a good laugh this weekend, plz plz plz watch the trailer for The Gorge and don’t Google any context beforehand. I *cannot.*
I took your bait…and, Hilarious. How, HOW did they get a green light on this? AND THE TWO A+ ACTORS??? What terrible casting! This might have been a watchable B horror flick with different or even unknown but I’m sorry, neither of them is remotely believable as remote tower dwellers for 365 days across from each other, lol. Am I the dumb one? Is this supposed to be this stupid on purpose? Wires were definitely crossed or else they all had a wild psychedelic party and this movie is the ‘brilliant’ result, lol….
Jaign, yes!!! I mean, how did they sign up for a movie that can only be described as, “sexy snipers guarding the gates of hell.” I told my spouse, maybe it’s a joke. It’s gotta be a joke?! The cue cards a la Love Actually really top it off.
There’s also a great gallery in Hillsdale, NY run by two artists-curators called LabSpave. Worth a stop if you are in Dan Pelosi’s neck of the woods.
For families with animal loving kids, I highly recommend Izzy’s Koala World on Netflix 🐨 it’s a docuseries about a tween girl and her parents who run a koala rescue on an island off Australia. It’s SO soothing and wholesome. My 8yo and 6yo, who almost never agree on shows, both love this one— and I do too. Perfect mental balm for these hard times.
I LOVE color so, needless to say, Dan Pelosi’s whole house just made my heart sing. I would buy it as is if I thought for one minute that he would sell. Would not change a thing….
I will be admiring this tiered pickle fountain (I would absolutely build one of these for a family reunion on my dad’s side, my uncles would lose their minds)… https://www.instagram.com/p/DFr3KRkJLi5/ …and watching this 14-minute Polish documentary on the eight clams of Warsaw’s water pumping plant, fitted with little sensors so that when they sense toxicity and, well, clam up, the sensors are triggered and the city can shut off its water supply until it’s safe again… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1lRDdPbhio …and volunteering bright and early tomorrow morning, then taking a bubble bath and a nap.
Dan Pelosi’s house is bananas in every perfect way. Love so much. Also, I’m fully convinced my dog’s voice is o my accurate when coming from my mouth.
Oh were you and Freddie in Cornwall? How lovely!!
yes! for a sad reason, but the silver lining was that I loved showing him my favorite place :)
Oh no, sorry for the sad reason. I hope it isn’t that the house had to be sold :( If it was that, I’m glad that you got to say goodbye to it.
I’m sorry it was for a sad reason. Hope you were able to hold each other close.
Has your sister met him yet?
A plug for Kim’s Convenience as a perfect sitcom
Agreed! So perfect.
I’ll join you in that, and add the first go-round of Will and Grace. Just Jack!!
Just rewatching the whole series now, it’s so good :)
Was going to make the same recommendation- my boys & I loved it so much!
OMG, the dog voice impression made me laugh so hard! I’m SURE my dog thinks that, too. My impression of his thoughts is obviously SPOT ON. hahaha! Whew! Thank you for that.
I worked on a documentary series called Supreme Models which is now on Netflix! It’s about the history of Black models. COJ readers would love it it – uplifting, educational, fashion fun. Check it out :)
Thanks Jill, I will! Congratulations on seeing the project come to fruition- am sure it wasn’t easy, but well worth it!
We loved the documentary. Learned a good deal, too.
Thank you!!!
cool! I remember when i was a teenager, back in the 1970s, seeing black models in Seventeen magazine and being dazzled by them. I don’t know who they were, back then nobody paid attention to the names of models….or I was too young to be aware. But they were stunning.
Dan Pelosi’s home is a dream! He is a bright light during these bleak times.
So happy for you! How beautiful about your dad and Freddie! Of course it went well, but… I bet that’s a giant milestone and I am sure feels like the Golden Gate Bridge of next chapters! Feeling the relief and gratitude for you! ❤️
And related to my dopamine comments – CoJ fam, I’m struggling to ‘recover’ from work each day, and the stress/frustration/rage is just building. How do I beat this? Process better? Rage appropriately but only during work hours?!??! Exercise is happening, but it’s clearly not enough! Off to search some ideas, and yay for the weekend…
Are you interested in anti-anxiety medication? It was a lifesaver for me the last 2.5 years. I used to waste my Saturday mornings having fake fights in my head with my boss and coworkers. Now I can flick those thoughts away and get on with the weekend, etc.
Not much helps me besides physical exercise, but I’ll be looking for other responses. But occasionally I find circle breathing helpful, although temporary. (And trust me, I’m the last person in the world to recommend circle breathing, ick.) I work from home, so YMMV, but I find keeping a youtube HIIT workout queued up is handy during my work day. I can do 1-2 rounds at a time and not get too sweaty but also break up some of those nerves and restlessness. It’s also nice for those awkward 10 minutes between meetings, since I’m not someone who can efficiently apply that time towards an actual task. Sometimes I literally just sprint up my stairs, so maybe you could take a few minutes in the office building stairwell from time to time. When I was in an office, I did a lot of laps around my circular floor, down the stairs, around the next floor, and back up the stairs. Only took a couple of minutes and let me break up that energy.
I deleted Instagram off my phone 2 weeks ago and have noticed a dramatic decrease in rage/anxiety/overall blahhhhhs. It was too much information coming at me and my brain hit a wall every night. I feel totally disconnected, but also so much more relaxed – highly recommend trying it for a few days!
From my notes: Countering Rumination /Anxiety: Awe/curiosity Exercise/movement Helping others Silliness
Hi Katie, I recently tried the supplement l-theanine for anxiety and it really takes the edge off and is not habit forming. I also bought an acupressure mat and it is so helpful. Good luck!
Seconding the recommendation to remove instagram from your phone. I do that during the week, allowing myself just a few moments on the weekends and its helped me tremendously.
Exercise or really movement of any kind helps a ton in taking the edge off. I am also seeing benefits from processing through writing/ art. To further recover, I find showering off the work day and lighting candles or burning paleo santo can also clear the energy.
I deleted social media and downloaded the Calm app instead. Meditation, breathing, movement and better sleep routines have all helped me massively.
Find out what is causing rage and change it. You might have to change your job location. This is what your emotional guidance system is for – to guide you to happiness but you must do the work of making it happen. Good luck and brilliant of you to ask!
Exercise is good and I also recommend the UCLA Mindful app – it’s FREE and has guided meditation in multiple languages. There are meditations of varying lengths. On days that are especially difficult I will stop in the middle of the day to do a three minute meditation, just to interrupt whatever thinking pattern I have going. “The Anxiety Toolkit” by Alice Boyes is a short and useful book. For me, music is very helpful as well. Play it often and sing along if you’re comfortable. If you have a lot of work stresses, the Ask A Manager blog is a helpful resource for not feeling alone/stuck in a difficult work situation. And remember you can lie down and rest for 20 minutes after work or anytime, even if you’re not the type to fall asleep during the day.
I hear you and most of these thoughts are stories that we build in our heads. Watching your thoughts as an observer and acknowledging that you are having is the first step. Books by Eckhart Tolle and Thich Nhat Hanh have been extremely helpful.
Picking up a very engrossing and hobby that really engages the mind can be very distracting, if you have time. For example, learning to do something intricate like difficult knitting or baking a complex recipe. Or woodworking. Basically anything that requires your hands and your absolute full attention for extended periods of time.
@sara me, too! And I feel so much better. Sometimes I get the urge to flick over to Instagram or Facebook but then I don’t, and I move on with my life, and I feel great! Especially Facebook. That place is a dump.
A somatic exercise that I learned recently and found SO helpful is literally growling (lol), it connects us with our “animal” nature and is helping me release anger/rage I haven’t been able to deal with in other ways. I “rawr” growl in the privacy of my bedroom, away from my family. You can do a little research on this!
For me, turning off my brain requires something to focus on. (Exercise is never the thing for me!?) Jigsaw puzzles. Crossword puzzles. Painting – buy some watercolors and watch tutorials online or get an intricate paint by number. This week my daughter suggested making tissue paper flowers. Just cutting, folding, tying, floofing – over and over – as we sat around the table together with her friends. It was heaven.
Not sure why my comment did not post but basically, find out what is causing the rage and change it – even, ESP, if that means changing jobs. Respect what your feelings are telling you and honor them by addressing the problem in some way to improve it. We can all make changes when this happens, and we must embrace the work required to shift a disfunctional reality for a happier, more functional one. You are empowered to do this!
I recommend exercise and also having a text thread with a few close friends where you agree to help each other process. I have a thread with two friends where, if one of us feels overwhelmed by the news, it’s ok to vent a bit and the other two will be there. We have agreed to extinguish each other’s hair fires, so to speak, so that we all have the energy to keep calling Congress and doing whatever else we can to take action amid *all this.*
Katie, when I read that you’re feeling stress and frustration I realized that I have a new to me way to release that feeling. I listen to a song where the music either sounds like I feel or has words expressing how I feel. I will either dance around or sing really loudly and just try to get that feeling out of my body. I love to play tennis which is a great outlet to hit a ball as hard as I want to get some stress out. I’ve also started learning Jiujitsu to have another outlet where it is appropriate to be aggressive. Making sure I have these outlets scheduled in my week really helps me.
I’d recommed journaling and EPA -high-Omega 3 usage if you haven’t tried yet
I second Andrea who included “helping others” in her short list. Two unrelated people in my life struggled throughout 2024, and assisting them helped me find clarity, perspective, and peace in my own situation. Exercise early in the day and light-hearted, reliably funny shows/movies before bedtime round things out.
Katie, if you’re open to medication, ask your doc about Lexapro. I was so full of rage all of the time, it was making me a mean mom and wife. I know all the advice is to lower stress, but sometimes that’s just not an option. I was able to get my prescription from my GP. It has made a world of difference.
Lots of great suggestions here! I will just add that if you’re in your 40’s, it might also be worth looking into / talking to your doctor about HRT. Turns out a lot of the rage I was feeling was made worse by perimenopause and HRT has been a game changer (along with helping other symptoms!).
Malcolm in the Middle is my pick for what I’d be sad for the current generation of youngsters to miss out on. A lot is outdated ideas of family roles/etc, but it’s just so darn entertaining, and Bryan Cranston is amazing in it. Re: the Guardian article – it reminds me of Dr Anna Lembke’s work. She recently wrote an article in the NYT, but I have a podcast episode “Pain, pleasure and the addictive chase for dopamine” (by Finding Mastery/Dr Gervais) saved. It’s a fascinating discussion about why constant stimulus is so appealing to our brains/selves. Always good to be aware of what’s driving your wants; then you can make choices accordingly!
Malcolm in the Middle !! The interactions on that show still resonate!
One reason I love Malcolm in the Middle: There’s a real lack of sitcoms about working class families out there. Malcolm in the Middle, Raising Hope, the original Roseanne, and not a lot else.
Wow, I just looked up Dr. Anna Lembke — just read a few articles but her work looks so helpful, I’m going to check out her book. Thank you!
oh malcolm it is !
Really loving the use of adorable dog photos for the weekend posts.
I agree!!!
So glad your meeting went lovely. I’m trying to envision your dad as the stern type. He’s lived as a cozy, teddy bear in my head!
He’s only stern with our boyfriends!
Jeanne, laughing out loud here. I had the same thought, “but her dad is so nice.” And then I have to remind myself I don’t actually know her dad. 🙃 (Although he seems lovely!)
hahaha he really is SO nice and so kind and gentle, but definitely doesn’t automatically approve of every boyfriend :)
My dad is one of the friendliest people I’ve ever encountered, possibly the friendliest, and he absolutely alpha’d all of my boyfriends.
Great list today, Jo! I want to live in Dan Pelosi’s kitchen.
wait, am I the only one who didn’t know you had a brother? Have I been spacing out this whole time??
I came to post that same comment!
Me too Ray!
Not just you! I’ve been a loyal reader for years, and was just, like, *brother*??
Every so often there is a picture of him on Instagram, but he prefers to stay more private and that’s why Joanna doesn’t write about him.
I watched Fresh Off the Boat with my boys when they were Toby and Anton’s age. It is great! We also enjoyed The Middle and The Goldbergs around the same time. Check them out if you are looking for other family friendly sitcoms.
i whole heartedly second the goldbergs! it’s perfection
I absolutely love The Middle. It’s so funny and so true. I cry at the end of every episode when Frankie gives her summary reflection. So poignant. But I laugh so much too ! Our family’s been through this show a few times. I love all the characters in the family so much.