13 Valentine’s Day Gifts

3 cups total — you use 1.5 cups in the beginning and add 1.5 cups at the end!

Click on Jump to Recipe and it’ll take you all the way down to the recipe where they have the measurements for each ingredient.

I just sent Valentines to my long time friend group I left back on the East Coast a few years ago. I always sent cards to them when I lived near also though. They are meeting for Galentine’s dinner. Valentine’s Day for me was always a family affair when my daughter was growing up. My daughter was my focus actually. My husband and I always exchanged cards, no gifts. One year we had no money for cards and he wrote a poem. In later years my go to was Twin Kiss Hollywood burger and fries ( RIP Twin Kiss ! , my haunt for 60 years ) my point is, it’s never been a big romance/ fancy day. I never wanted to go out. That sounds like torture. Ha. In the cards I sent today I included bookmarks from our library system out here. They had really cute ones. And some shiny heart confetti. And of course stickers on the envelopes ! (The best part. Ha.) That was all fun. I hope however your day evolves you find joy or it finds you ! Whatever form it takes ! Sending love !

@PNW Grateful, thank you. I always wonder where you live since I am in Spokane. Hope you have a great week.

If they drink, a variety of fun craft beers (I did a cereal themed one for my husband when we were back in the ambiguous stage and I was playing it safe – Cinnamon Toast Crunch stout was a winner). If they’re dry, an ice cream sundae bar (if they like SpongeBob Squarepants, call it Goofy Goobers). If they’re dairy free, I got nothing.

Breakfast in bed as suggested below!

My vote is something edible: temporary, delicious, and doesn’t require care/cultivation.

Get lingerie for yourself!!

I feel like we need a post interviewing you about running a breakfast in bed delivery service in the 80s!?!

I want to hear more about this!

Excuse me how have I never heard of something like this existing?! We need more info! Absolutely genius.

How nice to say! I still have a folder of handwritten menus, simple PC-generated service ads and local news clips! I was young, a curious food creative and fearless, living in an apt. with hubs situated over the local pizzeria that allowed me to use their commercial kitchen space as part of my lease.

CoJ team – we need a Hillary interview stat!

Ooh I eyeballed that event but the necessary ferry kinda killed it for me. Have a great time!

So simple and doable/affordable while still being so cute! Thank you for this great idea!

Agree Coco. But I also assume someone on the Cup of Jo team is doing some heavy lifting moderating comments. A big thank you to that person, it must be a hard job some days x

Yes! After trying many on my long, thick, wavy, tending towards oily hair, Ethique’s Pinkalicious and Boreal Folk’s horsetail shampoo bar are all I use. So good! And the self draining travel case from Wild Prairie Soap Company keeps them dry and doesn’t leak.

Yes! I recently switched too.

Support you wholeheartedly in this ! Yeah only this man could pick a fight with our near and dear neighbors. And who would want to be the 51st state of this horror show. My husband and I are long time ice hockey fans and enjoy the comraderie of our countries. Sad to see this affected. Is nothing sacred to this man ? I’m happy to see you won’t be intimidated, unlike our spineless Congress people. We love you Canada !!

I adore your country, Yvonne, and am grateful for how supportive you’ve all been as we’ve become shittier and shittier neighbors here in the US. Cheering you on as you buy local, and hoping we can earn your respect again soon.

Yvonne! Ottawa gal here! One of my jobs is in a pet store, and my customers’ heightened focus on buying Canadian started the moment this news broke. I can’t remember a time when I’ve seen our neighbors so unified. The silly orange man can try, but he won’t succeed.

From Montreal, I hear you!! If you are looking for a Canadian-made alternative to the colour block lingerie above, check out Elyse on Mars (www.elyseonmars.com) Everything is hand-made in Victoria, BC!

Yvonne, I agree with you and your pride in being Canadian. Agree also on not being intimidated by the “ leader” of the US. Stand strong and don’t back down. Love and support from an embarrassed American.

Oh, Yvonne, I am planning a trip to Quebec from my home in Maine this month and I am truly embarrassed to even present my US passport at the border. So ashamed of this country right now (also also terrified).

I love Americans! There ‘s something about Canadians that’s just a bit too reserved and stuffy (I include myself in this description). I just wish you had our universal health care program, our 1 year maternity leave, our affordable day care etc. etc. Maybe you want to join our country? Unfortunately not sure it can all last; we tend to be trending right wing with an opposition leader who’s a Trump wannabe.

I’m from the US and I am not buying any US made products.

From Victoria and wholeheartedly agree!

Thank you Elinor ! You are very generous<3 I hope you keep your universal health care. I cannot stand our health insurance industry here in the US. I've had all kinds… Through work, the ACA, Medicare Advantage. None are good. Well maybe work related was ok years ago but I don't agree with it. Anyway, a few years ago I worked per diem during covid when they asked older nurses to come out and help. Made 20,000 and had to pay back 12,000 dollars in ACA subsidies because of it. Everyone touts the ACA ( Obamacare ) but it's not good for many people. Medicare Advantage ditto … Just another private health insurance. I've been writing to representatives for 20 years about Medicare For All to no avail. Disgusted by Congress ( except Bernie ) who would rather line their pockets. Sorry to hijack. But there's my health insurance rant. Thanks for your generous thoughts toward us and I hope you keep your programs !!!!

A) yes, buy Canadian wherever you can! I am receiving a new phone for work and chose a phone case made by Pela; 80% of their cases are made in Kelowna BC. B) Canadian stores bought products from the US before tariffs were enacted (and now temporarily delayed). For a short while, I’m willing to continue to buy those products so our Canadian grocery stores don’t lose money on them, but not for long enough that they’re encouraged to keep ordering them in. C) I hope this unites Canadians and lets us disply our flag without feeling like we’re somehow supporting the Canadian far-right!

Agree! I’m trying to manage my news and social media consumption and I appreciate the break here.

Thank you! Following them now.

Thank you for sharing, Julie!

Subscribed!

Emily (of Emily in Your Phone) Amick’s book (co-written with Sami Sage) has been a wonderful read for me during this time! It’s called Democracy in Retrograde, and is a kind of choose-your-own-adventure of creating a path for your own greater civic engagement. They frame this work as a form of self-care, which I really appreciate.

Jessica Craven of CWCW is an amazing human!!

Thank you so much for these suggestions Julie! I just made my first call today based on the excellent substack post from Emily in Your Phone about all of the ins and outs of calling your representatives (how to do it, what to expect, etc) – I have always felt a bit nervous about doing so and today was my day to rip the bandaid off! I am now subscribed to both of these lists and have my Representatives DC numbers saved in my phone. Your posting here made a difference! thank you.

Thank you for sharing! I wasn’t familiar with these Substacks and they’re amazing. I’ve had Emily’s book Democracy in Retrograde on my list and now it needs to be at the top.

Thank you so much for this!

Thank you, thank you for these links. I don’t feel helpless and overwhelmed anymore.

@Mer – me too! Also downloaded the 5calls app which seems very helpful. And made calls today to US reps and State Attorney General. Just left messages and one senators voice box was full so I’ll have to circle back. We have to do something to stop this madness.

Sweaty, nervous phone callers doing it anyway unite! :)

Hi Julie! I love this idea, thank you! I met my husband on Match in 2016. He was the first person that messaged me and we met a few days later and married in 2019.

My husband and I met on Match.com. A few years ago, he got me a mug that has that saying <3

eHarmony married couple here! Met 2010, married 2013!

Love this too! Jdate success story here–met in 2006 and married in 2008. Seemed like a new idea at the time!

Just sending some love for your last month. You’ve got this, sweets. Xo

expecting my first in April and I’ve been having a super rough go of it too! physically and emotionally, just replying in solidarity. pregnancy is not for the faint of heart!

Cate, I could not agree more. Do not quietly unfriend people. TELL THEM WHY. This is how I see it- there are millions of people who voted for him that I don’t know so I will NEVER reach them. If it’s your professional client that you need for your livelihood, you can’t tell them anything either (for the most part). But our SOCIAL CIRCLES?!? Or yes, your hair stylist! If we can’t even tell THEM what we think, we are toast. Get clear on your beliefs, and then ACT on them and be loud as you can. I love how you said it- put the blame right on their shoulders, where it belongs.

I love this.

You speak my language! I realize folks need to rest, recover, protect, find joy… all of that is important. But it’s also important to act on your anger, channel your sense of doom into action. Thank you for this.

Also wanted to remind peeps that almost 70% of eligible voters did NOT vote for this. About 1/3 of voters did not vote and 1/3 voted for Kamala. In my mind this means that the majority of voters did NOT vote for this insanity and also means there is a strong resistance.

I hear you, but sadly shame & guilt are not great motivators for change.

Well said, Kate!

I dumped my hairstylist during the first Trump administration because he wouldn’t stop talking about Trump. He also became a conspiracy theorist. I also dumped my ob-gyn and I will dump any service I use if I find out they voted for the orange maggot.

the true voice of the tolerant left!

Come to my salon where we have no staff or clientele who vote trump 😉

In the spirit of dialogue: I’m not sure that’s the best way to get us out of this mess. I’d suggest instead finding ways to befriend and network with the people who are most hurting now. I know a lot of people who are doing fundraisers to benefit trans people and making friends in the trans community; that’s what I would suggest.

Yeah I tend to agree with this. And include people who didn’t vote or protest voted third party, especially swing state voters. They also played a part in unleashing this on all of us, too.

Civil disobedience and protests go a much longer way then shaming people imho. Follow and read Rebecca Solnit for more concrete things to do and support. https://meditations-in-an-emergency.ghost.io/welcome-to-meditations-in-an-emergency/?fbclid=IwY2xjawIP-c1leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHYYcKpgBChB6rlyZ1KZHvU11Ryu0_wFfSbeco6IbRdzsrbv3ByEeF0oCRw_aem_T-d2Cxph6h5rdwzW684o4g I feel your sorrow and rage. I support that we vote with our wallets. Please consider redirecting this energy in a positive way. And may you be at ease

This isn’t the path I’ve chosen right now (at least in part because I live in a very blue area) but I strongly support it. There has to be a social cost for voting for (or failing to vote against) fascism and against democracy and the rule of law. Otherwise we’re allowing the normalization to continue. I would think a calm, firm message rather than an angry one would be most likely to be heard. Go you!

it’s called the paradox of tolerance. In order for a society to remain tolerant, it must be intolerant of intolerance. The concept is worth learning about. I wanted to specifically reply to Maria, but you can’t reply to a reply. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_tolerance

I’ve talked about this a few times, but as a former fundamentalist Christian Nationalist and hardcore GOP supporter (I started to leave right around 2016), I’m hesitant to endorse this. What kept me in was feeling “persecuted” by being cut off and making my echo chamber even smaller. People who engaged with me (with boundaries – my childhood friend who identified as queer would take no disrespect towards her LQBTQ+ community, even in the guise of “Love the sinner, hate the sin”) were ultimately what changed my heart. It is HARD to engage, and I’m now at that point with my Trumper families, but while my parents might be a lost cause, I’m seeing a shift in my sister. Cutting off is a choice, but as THE default for dealing with opposing views… I’d be lost if everyone thought that way.

Maria, tolerating a government that encourages hate, fear, racism and chaos isn’t tolerance. You don’t get it. And greed!!! He wants to disband the Dept of Ed to get TRUMP Bibles in every public school in red states. Who benefits financially from that?? What president has ever used his power for such blatant financial gain? This is insanity. No, I do not tolerate a grab them by the pussy president. So gross.

@Maria. I refuse to tolerate intolerance. It’s tolerating hatred that led to the pogroms against the Jews in WWII. Think whatever hateful thoughts you want in your own head, but the minute you start speaking it out loud and it affects my children don’t be shocked when I start to bite back.

Thank you, Betsy, for sharing how important it was for you to have people engage with you & your viewpoints & not cut you off, such that you would have otherwise only been surrounded by like-minded folks. Really appreciate that.

Yup 10000%. This is not “political difference”. These people deserve to be made to feel so, so horrible for what they did.

Thank you Betsy, I agree. It’s a tough road, but challenging with love and respect rather than silence is the better long term solution

2 easy things to do postcards to send to senators: https://www.signsofjustice.com/products/contact-congress-postcards the nationwide peaceful protest 2/5/25 in every state capital. search for yours. “GO to the Capitol by Noon on Wednesday, Feb 5. If you can’t get there, call in sick to work. If you can’t do that, Wear BLUE 💙.”

Same boat. I’ve been trying to focus on my community and give time /energy to help vulnerable populations. It’s not an easy time and ‘celebrating’ Valentine’s Day (or anything) feels way too weird to me.

Call your elected officials every day. I consult 5calls.org for phone numbers, urgent issues, and scripts. Call your congressional representative and demand that s/he schedule a town hall in your district to hear your community’s concerns. Write postcards to voters urging them to vote for blue candidates. There are many organizations to choose from, here is one. https://shop.bluewavepostcards.org/?srsltid=AfmBOorYHnCPbpZBEO7wvBNNLMGIIe3LplQWAreST3IAPjUUrSzgDhyX Join your local Indivisible chapter. Indivisible had a Zoom town hall on Sunday and there were 50,000 participants. Support investigative journalism: Washington Post, New York Times, the New Yorker, The Atlantic, The Guardian. Investigative journalism holds politicians and corporations accountable for their actions. Set up a monthly donation to the ACLU. Donate to pro choice candidates on EMILY’s List.

I subscribe to several political newsletters, and the one thing they’ve all been urging subscribers who are furious and frightened to do is raise holy hell. Call your representative and senators if you haven’t already. Email them if you have phone anxiety. Write a letter to the editor for your local newspaper. The more we get loud and push back and let people know what’s happening, the better a chance we have to generate enough collective anger to stop – or at least slow – some of this clusterfuckery. Indivisible (https://indivisible.org/) has call scripts on their website if you need a place to begin.

Join Jewish Voice for Peace in their efforts. They welcome folks of other religions or no religion as well.

Thank you so much for these great suggestions!! Peace xo

Thanks for the link. Followed!

Yup, USAID does incredible work and was a funder for some of the work my environmental non-profit does. Unfortunately USAID’s shuttering means we will need to lay off at least a dozen employees soon, possibly more. There are big ripple effects to Trump’s actions and what is happening to our government is terrifying. Federal employees are also incredibly hard working – they work long hours for less money and flexibility than the private sector offers. They are the backbone of many key services that we all rely on and which will be eroded or completely removed soon. Shame on Trump and all the fools who voted him into power.

My husband works for USAID and I cannot express the fear and anguish in our family. Please call your senators. Please be vocal. It is impacting hundreds of thousands of individuals and families in the US, as well as millions impacted abroad.

I’ve learned more from this and the other generous, thoughtful, humanistic links and resources posted in this comment section than from any other media source. Thank you, all.

Lovely!

Definitely Mary. The tendency to “chaos paralysis” (as I call it) is too real. But this is all definitely not normal *for a democracy*. Valentines Day love AND action to a better society. <3

Hi Mary — I am in DC, too, and there is palpable panic all over the city. Not to be too forward (or to hijack Jo’s site for plans that are not her own), but if there are other DMV locals who want to meet up and talk through ways to fight back/our feelings, I’d be very game to help organize it. Anyone?

Mary, I’m stateside staff to a dem federal elected in the PNW. Also a mom. The conversations I’m having with every partner (cities, school districts, counties, state reps, non-profits, higher ed…keep going) are devastating. I’m not eloquent right now either, but just know this mom on the other side of the country is paying attention with you.

I hear you, Mary! We are all paying attention but unsure what we can do besides being kind to who we have in our paths. Sending much strength from Ireland

Mary, thank you for your comment, and I feel the same as you. I’ve spent a decade in federal service, my job/agency are intensely affected by the new administration (which will have far reaching consequences for the American people), and I feel we’re living in the upside down. I keep waiting for acknowledgement on COJ, a place I come to for comfort and wisdom. It makes me think/wonder/realize – people must not really know what’s happening if they’re not directly impacted? I do want COJ to be a safe haven, but I also feel a bit crazy reading lovely, normal things, when mad coup-y things are happening.

Thank you, Mary, for calling this in, and I’d like to add – please check in on your friends, family, and neighbors that may work in public health, education, health care, non-profits, social services, or are federal workers (and likely other sectors I missed!) Our worlds are being rocked right now and things are not ok. If you have the bandwidth to reach out to your congressperson, I found 5calls.org to be helpful.

Mary, we’re paying attention over here on the west coast too–terrified. I do know that CoJ typically shares a lot of posts about current events in her IG stories. However… I don’t want to sound tin-foily, but I’m worried dissenting on the broligarchy’s platform is going to either be banned OR be used against us down the road.

Mary, I am right there with you, but to be honest, purposefully visit this site as a break from my doom scrolling. There are plenty of sources talking about the horror that’s taking place, it doesn’t have to be discussed in every single forum. We need some spaces that don’t make our heart-rate increase and our bile rise.

Agreed! Would love more discussion and community action ideas about what is happening in the US right now. It’s eerie to read these posts that are a fun distraction while feeling so much anxiety and dread. People’s jobs and lives are changing drastically and there is so much chaos. Cup of Jo is consistently a great community and so many of us are looking for support and awareness right now, along with the fun gift ideas.

I feel you, Mary. I was just texting with my neighborhood group about what we can do. It feels like we should all be out in the streets, but also everything is happening and changing so quickly that it’s confusing and overwhelming and hard to stick to one message (which is part of the point). It’s all terrifying though, and we need to do something. We can’t let this seem normal.

Mary, et al, recall that only a few days ago, Joanna shared that she was headed to the UK for a “sad reason”. Let’s extend a bit of grace about what we want…

I’m with you, Mary. I am a progressive feminist mother and educator living in California, and I am living a double life right now: one for my 10-year-old kid and my students, and one where I am paralyzed with fear and feeling so powerless watching events unfold and wondering where the grown-ups are. I can’t go to the protest tomorrow in Sacramento—it’s 7 hours away—but I feel the need to do something more than contacting my reps (though I have been doing that).

Another West coast dweller here and I can definitely say we are with you Mary. There is a huge resistance to all of this and it’s hard to know what to do to address it, there are so. many. things. But here are 2 that I currently know of: 1. a small lift for busy people, this org is organizing postcard drops to senators to remind Tham that even though trump keeps saying he has a mandate for all his cruelty, it is not at all true. https://www.signsofjustice.com/products/contact-congress-postcards 2. Has anyone heard about the 2/5/25 @noon protests happening across the country tomorrow? I am a little unclear because they seem to be very decentralized (which is a beautiful thing!), but it is a call to protest peacefully in all 50 states at each state capital. “GO to the Capitol by Noon on Wednesday, Feb 5. If you can’t get there, call in sick to work. If you can’t do that, Wear BLUE 💙.”

I also am not quite sure how to react to this seeming normalcy; I know we need it, but it seems short sighted at the same time? But Jo & Co, I really do appreciate it. I also want to talk about an experience I had today which made me realize that I am traumatized by the long duration of these events. I was driving on a highway in Canada and a big pickup truck went by, and my whole body seized up. Now, I don’t want to start a conversation about stereotyping and pickup trucks, I’m just saying: I live in a place where big honkin’ trucks go bombing around with flags flying, offensive bumper stickers, gun racks in the back window…deliberate aggressive behavior, and that, along with all the other crap that’s been happening for the past 8+ years, has left me feeling frightened, anxious, and traumatized. (Being in Canada, I calmed myself by saying that that was a Canadian person, just someone out running errands probably.) I wonder how many of us realize that this is where we are now? Actually traumatized. We are watching our country disintegrate, something most of us never thought was even possible, never considered, experiencing betrayal on an unprecedented level, seeing our foundations washing away and leaving us in a place we don’t know how to survive. I am tired of living in Bizzaro World. My family and I are struggling to survive this. We really don’t know what to do, but we have no choice but to do it.

On February 5th, there are protests at the state capitols. If you can’t protest, then please do what you can to speak out about this coup. Musk out of the US Treasury. No dictator.

Mom of a trans 18 year old who was somehow included in the ban on gender affirming care. Terrified and horrified. We had to put an emergency plan in place with her principal if blank happens we will do blank…. And I’m in a very red state and in truly think people are not paying attention. People keep asking “how’s it going”. And I keep responding “terrible! You can’t possibly be ok. Our democracy is in danger!” Which gets me some… looks. And…. I have hope as I’m starting to witness resistance. So everyday I do at least one small thing. I call my reps everyday and ask them to stop Musk and protect trans kids. My husband and I started an account where people can anonymously ask questions about trans people to try and educate and eradicate fear. And I’m sending my daughter out of the country ASAP even though she got into some great schools in “safe” states because it’s just not safe. I have to believe if we each keep doing one small thing a day it matters. “ change often starts to the smallest of whispers. Like-minded people building it up to a roar” sending so much love and so much solidarity. We have to get loud and be persistant.

Hi Mary, I am married to a dedicated, hardworking federal worker on the West coast and the stress and panic is palpable. Every time I visit a blog and they aren’t talking about the way our government is being dismantled, I can’t comprehend the dissonance. (Who cares about Valentine’s day gifts, the proper way to hang curtains, blah, blah, blah.) I am also trying to reconcile the fact that our entire extended family voted for this AND my closest friends have not reached out to check on me and my family. I see you Mary. You are not alone. Also, Anne, I understand your concern. It feels unsafe to text or email about any of this.

Also so so many typos in mine 😂🤦‍♀️. I’m obviously stressed. Although I am also appreciating the lighter content here too. It’s always deliberate and beautiful and reminds of goodness in the world

Mary I share your fear and disorientation. I work with trans kids in my clinic and feel….I don’t even have words for how crushed I feel. I feel a little cognitive dissonance with brownies and bras while an active coup is happening. I’m writing and calling my senators daily, but feel very helpless and angry.

Mary please know that Canadians and Mexicans are also riding an emotional roller coaster with the threat of 25% tariffs. They are on, they are off, they might be 50%. These tariffs will also affect Americans as our supply chains are closely linked, especially for the automotive industry. And all the talk of Canada becoming the 51 st state, annexing Greenland. Is it serious? Speak up everyone.

Mary, it truly feels surreal. These are dark times and I’m holding my breath that good will somehow prevail. It feels so bleak these days.

THIS! In the SF Bay Area and MANY are freaking out! And what do we do from over here, since our representatives already vote as we want them to? I have resorted to contacting all friends/family in red states (but who think like me) and begged them to get as many people as they can to call their reps. Forwarding the most telling videos of what is happening. Last night I focused on asking everyone to encourage saying no to the nomination of RFK. I sent a thank you note to Bishop Budde, I forwarded the ACLU video in Spanish of “What to do if ICE knocks on your door” to anyone who may be able to use it or to forward to those who can, I am telling people we need to resist in any way we can, we traded in our Tesla on Friday. I literally don’t know what else to do. I have started following resisters on IG and DM’d them thanking them for being brave and asking them to keep it up. I have many friends who are thinking of forming a group and assigning people an issue, such as environmental concerns, reproductive rights, immigration rights, etc. And you stay on top of your issue and inform the others what to do. So we don’t burn out. What else can we do? As we balance work, the needs of our kids and families, etc. Totally open to more suggestions!!!

Solidarity. Here in California I am paying attention also and it’s terrifying. Agree it’s hard to continue on reading “normal” posts amidst it all but I would guess COJ will address things in their own way here soon.

I’m in the DC area and would love a meet up! Find me on Signal @poppydc.52

Thank you Mary & everyone who commented. Paying attention and terrified & feeling helpless & paralyzed in the Midwest as well. Taking notes from Anna in Frozen 2 and trying to “just do the next right thing.” I will say, as strange as it feels to read a post about Valentine’s Day in the midst of the chaos, I am grateful for it. There’s only so much our nervous systems can take! I am leaning into pockets of joy as an act of resistance, and I came to CoJ tonight for that reason. Reading all the beautiful ways people are celebrating love in their lives & thinking about what I will do is filling me up.

For all those who are looking for actions to take, I recommend checking out Indivisible.org (they’re a grassroots movement of thousands of local Indivisible groups with a mission to elect progressive leaders, rebuild our democracy, and defeat the Trump agenda). https://indivisible.org/omb

I am also struggling with (sometimes drowning in) fear and fury. But I truly believe that we cannot let them take our joy. That is what they want—it is a part of how they win. Like so many others I am trying to suss out how to move forward. One person who has helped me tremendously is artist/activist Danielle Coke Balfour (Oh Happy Dani). Please check her out! This link is to the print/graphic that I turn to multiple times daily to help me find steadiness. But please explore all her amazingness. She even has a newsletter “The Everyday Advocate.” Overlap Print – Oh Happy Dani When it comes to trying to balance staying informed with keeping grasp on sanity, Amy Siskind (About The Weekly List – The Weekly List )and Heather Cox Richardson (About – Letters from an American ) are lifesavers if you haven’t discovered them yet. I also recently joined my local Indivisible group which seems like it’s starting to rev its engines. I’m hopeful that going to my first meeting will help me feel connected and inspired and will give me things I can DO! Sending love to all of you ❤️

Oooof- also in DC- the panic is real. My kid’s BFF’s parents are federal employees. This ‘shock and awe’ tactic has rendered their departments/agencies completely ineffective. They are facing a cross-country move. Heartbreaking. Furthermore, yesterday I texted this to my husband (who is away moving his dad into assisted living. Sandwich generation, amiright?) ‘ Today we were given instructions on how to protect our students if ICE shows up. Yesterday we were told that the federal grant that allows us to provide counseling services to students was frozen’ Ugh, it’s so, so bad. Solidarity with other dc folks. I don’t think I can face a meetup- going to focus on being as effective as I can in my sphere. But I ❤️ and appreciate y’all.

I’m relieved to see conversations finally shifting toward what’s happening with USAID and the broader implications for the U.S. government. I had been disappointed that this issue wasn’t being directly addressed on COJ (which I love, don’t get me wrong!). As an American working in international development in Kenya, I’m seeing firsthand how these cuts are not only impacting my USAID colleagues but also devastating the lives of Kenyans—especially vulnerable populations who depend on these programs for survival. Beyond the immediate humanitarian consequences, I’m deeply concerned about the geopolitical fallout. With American influence diminishing, China and Russia are poised to step in and fill the void. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating to watch our country’s global reputation deteriorate so rapidly. Let’s not forget that foreign aid accounts for less than 1% of the federal budget—these cuts are not about fiscal responsibility; they are reckless and short-sighted. The consequences are dire. We cannot afford to stay silent.

A fun card and some scratch offs!

I like Andrea’s ideas! Or if he likes a certain type of food or condiment or something it could be a way to show him you see him and are paying attention :) Such a fun q xo

A copy of one of your favorite books? Thoughtful, could [someday] prove super meaningful, but still low stakes. Wrapped, or not.

My parents asked what I wanted for my birthday last year and I couldn’t come up with anything. I jokingly said “a winning lottery ticket!” And I got a card with a hunch and it was so funny/fun. I love to give scratch offs in cards. Always fun.

I wonder if this guy has told you he’s a gifts guy? Planning and cooking a nice dinner together (if you like cooking) has always been a really nice early Valentines day celebration for me with someone! I would also talk with the person about whether they wanted to exchange gifts/how big of gifts (maybe you’ve already done this!) because I wouldn’t want him to feel bad if there wasn’t relative parity to your gifts. Good luck!

Last year I too had been dating my boyfriend for just a little over two months at Valentine’s Day and it felt tricky to get him something that walked the line of “I think you’re going to be in my life forever but also I’ve technically only known you one season and I don’t want to scary you away ha ha.” I settled on a card + home baked cookies! It was fun to share a sweet treat and put some care into it but didn’t feel overboard. 1 year later, we are about to move in together and I am frequently dazed by what a sweet, tender, strong love we’ve built :) Sending good relationship energy your way!

So funny you call them Scratch-off’s – in Australia we call them Scratch-its

I’m in the same boat Libby! Fingers crossed for both of our new relationships. XO

Donuts, if he likes them!

Yes donuts !

That is so sweet!!!!

I feel like I got this idea from a comment here: last year we stuck heart shaped notes on our daughters’ doors for the week leading up to Valentines Day, with a different thing we loved about them each day (ending with “we love you exactly the way you are” or something like that). They (twins) were 12 then and definitely purported to find it corny, but also then one of them put notes for us on our door about things she loves about us, and her sister did the same thing for her, and wow was that sweet.

THANK YOU! I have a nephew who LOVES smells and I was thinking of what to give him for V Day!

I did exactly what you suggested–how fun! And the conversation with ChatGPT was kind of nuts.

@CG2 Oh my goodness, right? I was trying to explain to my husband how specific it had been and how I learned about several notes I wasn’t even aware I liked. Pretty wonderful.

Love this!!

Fondue is our new year’s eve tradition with our good friends! It’s so communal and cosy and delicious. My son was born 2 weeks early on January 1st and we joke it’s because I’d eaten too much fondue and there wasn’t room enough for both the cheese and the baby!

I love fondue. We do fondue when we have a snowstorm. We light a fire in the fireplace and have fondue at the coffee table. It’s a very cozy and warm thing to do on a cold winter night.

So good! I actually have two fondue pots ( don’t forget the chocolate fondue for dessert! ) also for the lactose intolerant try Bagna caude in your fondue pot. People go nuts for it.

These are great ideas! <3

Just ordered the socks! Thanks for the tip!

I own them (and the shamrocks). They are wonderful!

omg this is so awesome!

Thank you sooo much for the recommendation, Analise!! Ive been in contact now with the artist and he’s super helpful and responsive. I can’t wait to gift this to my husband and kids!

YES please! As a USAID contractor and spouse of a USAID employee, I beg you all to engage your Congressional reps on these issues.

I was unaware this was happening! Thank you!

USAID was wasting taxpayer money left and right. I’m siting this one out.

Amen sister!!! I live in Canada and I think we should be doing the same- it’s insane

I’m with you here in California. I’m terrified for my daughter’s rights and for our country as a whole! Love you COJ!

YES, thank you for saying this Emily! Is it off topic or is it the ultimate valentine to the US and democracy? :) I’d also like to offer this idea for folks like me who cannot protest in person for any reason: offer to Venmo friends who are protesting $5 or $10 to help defray the costs of rideshares and supplies like bottled water or extra masks, or just to buy them a treat on their way home! It’s a useful way to support in a different way. Sending love to all.

@Jane–the issue is not around if reform was or was not needed. The issue is that a private citizen with no clearance stormed the building to access material he nor his ‘staff’ had the right to access. The issue is the illegal seizure of data, not if USAID needed reform. Similar to the seizure of sensitive data from the Treasury. You can think USAID needed reform and be fine with a significant change to how Congressional appropriations to an independent agency are appropriated and handled, but the methods that went outside of what is legal should be protested.

Jane, please educate yourself on USAID. A rising tide lifts all boats – development is crucial to a strong government. Less than 1% of the US’s budget went to USAID and it positively impacts millions of lives overseas, KEEPS AMERICANS SAFE through disease management and building allies, and not to mention the exceptionally dedicated people stateside devoting their lives to the betterment of others. And even if you agree it was wasteful, the process to dismantle it is abhorrent and deliberately destructive. Pulling a rug out rather than giving employees and programs any notice.

Jane, USAID is a small expenditure out of the country’s entire budget. It serves two main purposes: one, by doing good, we build friendly relations around the world. Africa is a good example. Our main geopolitical and economic rival, China, spends guns of money on Africa. Don’t want resource-rich African nations to favor China or is? The second reason is, boots on tne ground. We need to know what is going on in all corners of the world, for national security purposes. Having Americans on official business all over the world keeps our fingers on the metaphorical pulse of other, faraway regions. I’ve just given you extremely conservative reasons to support USAID.

Yes! And in DC people are meeting at 7:15 am at 1900 E St NW (The US Office of Personnel Management) to protest every morning this week. Will I see any of you there?

The government isn’t going to be reformed – like a hostile takeover , it is being dismantled into parts and will be sold to the highest bidder in exchange for sweetheart deals for members of the administration. The investments we’ve made in taxes over decades will be gone.

Oops, China spends GOBS of money in Africa. I am the first to admit I need an edit button!

Thank you, Emily, and everyone else who commented on what’s going on rn. It’s hard to think about spending money when my whole life and lives of millions of Americans are crumbling week by week.

Thank you Emily! Absolutely terrified and unable to think of anything but what is happening to our country. I’ll be there today!

Jane-please educate yourself. Maybe you need to be reading a different blog that is more suited to your beliefs.

@Jane It’s one thing to advocate for reform, it’s another thing entirely to essentially shut down USAID with barely any notice. Did you know that the US spends less than 1% of its budget on foreign aid, less than a lot of peer countries? Did you know that USAID supports programs that genuinely save the lives of a whole lot of people who, just like you or me, didn’t choose where they were born? I’ve worked in global health for over a decade, and I understand that there are issues with foreign aid. But I also have seen firsthand that USAID supports programs like building hospital capacity to save the lives of newborn babies and their mothers, like providing safe water access so that small children don’t unnecessarily die of waterborne disease, etc etc etc. This is pulling the rug out from under so many innocent, hardworking people around the world. And don’t for a second think that this is all purely charity that would better go to domestic needs — it’s also a strategic move to build US goodwill and influence around the world that was created during the Cold War. I know responding to strangers on the internet is just screaming into a void, but my god sometimes there’s so much ignorance and dismissiveness about the lives of anyone who lives outside of our little bubbles.

Jane’s information is incorrect, and misguided.

What a great idea!

My friend Liz Libre — who has amazing taste — gave me a bunch from them for my birthday last week. She set me up with three more deliveries for the rest of the month, and the first one arrives later today! Here’s a photo of the ones she gave me: https://www.instagram.com/p/DFTOyDyvtpR/?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

I’ve had luck in the past with lace bralettes from Madewell. And I love this Vancouver brand, Ôde: https://odelingerie.com/collections/bralettes-1

I adore Love Stories Abbey https://lovestoriesintimates.com/au/lingerie/bralettes/ And Kat the Label. https://www.katthelabel.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoqb-bV06jlQwvNbm-np1lRdQQ7s5weimOG9tdFytkOAs8CUgtvv

I love bralettes and other bras from negative and cosabella xoxo

Yes! I have very small breasts (32aa) and the Natori Feathers are my fave. The cups run small so the 32a is a great fit. And they are pretty.

Thank you, everyone! This is a great list to start with.

Late to the game! I mentioned Elyse on Mars in my comment above; this bralette is similar to the one in Jo’s post: https://elyseonmars.com/shop-1/p/patchy-bralette-in-prm

What a fun idea :)

Totally agree! I bought one for valentine’s day 1 and will be bringing it back out this year for valentine’s day 17. Also a table runner with hearts on it. Simple but marks the day.

My sister bought me a heart shape and star shaped pan at a church bazar and they are treasured and used MUCH more often than expected!

My local library checks out baking pans, both seasonal shapes (hearts, footballs) and more standard ones (bundt cake, madelines). It’s a great way to try a new recipe without overwhelming my kitchen storage.

YES! My mom used to bake us a heart shaped cake every year for Valentine’s Day. We loved it!

You can also make a big heart cake using a square pan and one round pan. Once cooled, the round gets cut in half, top to bottom. Those two semi circles can be used for the heart humps that line up with the square (turned as a diamond). It makes one giant heart that you can ice and decorate. Kind of fun and you might have those pans already on hand!

Or a heart shaped waffle maker! Fun for Valentine’s… or if you just need a little Saturday brunch cheer!

Yes! The only cake pans I own are heart shaped (picked up at a thrift store). Who doesn’t want a heart cake?!

I have a heart shaped cake pan, heart shaped ramekins ( great for muffins or cupcakes ) and lots of heart shaped cookie cutters. I’m a baker, can you tell?

Such a good idea!! V cute.

You can do it Cate! I got rid of prime as a New Year’s resolution and it hasn’t been nearly as bad as I expected!

I would like an entire post on this. I’d have to find extra time to run to Target or Walmart for necessities –

Yes, Celeste! Need help figuring out how to break up with Amazon! Where do you get the random things? (And as a New Yorker who doesn’t have another big store to easily drive to–)